


Once Upon A Dream

by UchihaNaruto_2



Series: Life in Visions [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Emotional, F/F, F/M, I hate myself, M/M, NaruSasu - Freeform, SasuNaru - Freeform, Sexual Content, Smut, Tumblr Prompt, Visions, also underage drinking, dunno where that’s gonna go, i apologize i don’t know that much about soccer, i don’t wanna spoil so tags added as the story goes on ya know me, i included this bc i realized it may bother some people to see that without warning, i just... apologize, its actually gonna be narusasu, mild (?) drug addiction, mild for now, sns, sorry about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:01:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 25
Words: 165,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22228309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UchihaNaruto_2/pseuds/UchihaNaruto_2
Summary: based on the prompt “you can see the future, but only when having near-death experiences.”
Relationships: Gaara/Rock Lee, Haruno Sakura/Yamanaka Ino, Hyuuga Hinata/Inuzuka Kiba, Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto, Nara Shikamaru/Temari, Nara Shikamaru/Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: Life in Visions [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1696834
Comments: 108
Kudos: 164





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello all!! this is what i’ve been working on for so, so very long. i’m really excited to show you all this since i’ve been tweaking it for months. i hope you enjoyyyy

“Did you ever see this?”

Naruto was making fun of him. Sasuke pushed at his shoulder roughly and scowled. 

“No, I told you. I stopped a long time ago. You  _ know  _ that.”

Naruto thought everything was so funny. He was laughing even now. “Yes, I know. Sometimes, I just think about it.” He held Sasuke’s hand, and his thumb rubbed small circles into Sasuke’s skin. Sasuke brought his free hand up to adjust Naruto’s tie, and his hair. There was a flush across Naruto’s cheeks as Sasuke’s fingers touched him.

“You still have time to blush? The gall. We’re  _ married  _ now.”

Naruto’s turn to scowl, though it fell just as fast as it came. He looked down at their shoes in the grass. Far away from all the commotion was the only way they could hear one another. No one was paying them any attention right now.

“Will you tell me the story, again?” Naruto’s eyes came back up to Sasuke’s, and they were so hopeful that Sasuke almost said yes. 

“No, Naruto, later. They’re going to come looking for us soon.”

“ _ Please?” _

“Fine.”

They sat. Even in their fancy clothes, Sasuke felt at home. He loosed his hand from Naruto’s to take a look at the ring on his finger. So shiny. So  _ real.  _ Because today was real, more real than anything Sasuke had even seen. He couldn’t believe the lengths he’d gone to. 

Sasuke cleared his throat. “I think you remember well enough what I was doing.”

What Sasuke had been  _ doing  _ was something he couldn’t explain to Naruto, to anyone, for a long time. He still had a hard time explaining it to himself, sometimes. It had started a while ago, years ago; after Naruto and Sakura had taken him on a trip to the lake house that Sakura’s parents owned over spring break. Hinata had tagged along. They’d done all the lake house things; campfires and storytelling, fishing, watching the sunset. And they had, of course, swam in the lake. Well, Sakura and Naruto had swam. 

Hinata had stayed behind to finish some reading. She was doing  _ homework _ , of course. In the meantime, Sasuke found himself nearly drowned. And it was on that day that he had his first vision. Premonition? He didn’t know the word for them. All he knew was that whatever they were, he was seeing the future. 

And that very first time, it had been a legitimate accident. Sasuke had his feet in the water; he wasn’t a big swimmer, to begin with. His shirt was open to the warm breeze afforded by the season. He watched Sakura doing breast strokes out farther and farther toward the middle of the lake, while Naruto was swimming tight laps around the lake’s edge. The lake itself was a gorgeous blue, something you only see in movies, or postcards. Sasuke was in the water only up to his ankles. He could feel a tan coming on, even as he sat there. He’d been feeling it for the past three days that they’d been there. They always woke up at dawn, and stayed out well past midnight. Still, they weren't exhausted; quite the opposite. There was something exhilarating about being outside, in nature, with his two best friends. 

(And Hinata. It wasn’t that Sasuke didn’t like her, he just didn’t prefer her. He could never talk to Naruto when she was around. They hung all over each other, always touching one another. Naruto was always talking about her when she wasn’t around, and vice versa. It was great, that Naruto was so happy with her, but it made Sasuke feel… a heat. In his chest. Right where he thought his heart was. When they held hands in front of him, he grit his teeth. When they kissed, he balled his hand into a fist. Sasuke always excused himself from the conversation when she came around, because he thought he’d throw up if he didn’t. Just hearing Naruto's excitement about her was enough to make his head hurt. Sakura had told him that he was jealous of Hinata and Naruto’s relationship. No, thank you, he had said. There was no way he would be jealous of a girl who, before she dated Naruto, couldn’t walk and talk at the same time. He had too much pride to admit that to her. But he knew that she was right.)

The air was still save for the breezes here and there, and in its stagnation Sasuke could  _ touch  _ the heat if he tried to. Spring was wearing into summer all around them, and there was a smell of flowers finding their maturity in the air. Sasuke squinted out at the opposite bank, where it seemed there was no real ground. Just treeline, then lake. Big, healthy trees, growing robust in this nearly untouched landscape. Sakura’s family had owned this land for generations, and her parents were no less diligent about taking care of it. Great, full, green canopies were above them whenever they walked beneath them, just like they had been when they’d come out here hours ago. 

“Hey, Sasuke, get in! It feels good if you  _ jump. _ ” Naruto wiggled his eyebrows stupidly. Sasuke gave a small sigh, an even smaller smile, and closed his eyes for a brief moment. This was the Naruto he liked to see, when it was just them. “No, Naruto,” he said, shaking his head when he opened his eyes. His voice held finality, but Naruto never, ever listened, or cared. He never took ‘no’ for an answer. Sasuke’s fingers gripped the unfinished wood of the pier he was sitting on tighter. There was something in Naruto’s eyes he didn’t like. His legs stopped swinging in the water as Naruto drew himself closer. “Oh, come on! You’re telling me you don’t even want to get in for a few seconds?” Sasuke, in truth, only shook his head again because he had predicted what Naruto would say. He hadn’t heard it. All he could hear was the roaring of his blood in his ears, because Naruto was so close, and so wet, his chest glistening in the sun like some kind of diamond. Something precious. Naruto’s blonde hair was sopping as he got so close that Sasuke could feel the water Naruto’s arms were pushing away as he stayed afloat. Sasuke shivered when a few stray drops hit his knee. 

“Not even if I dared you?” Naruto’s hand was on Sasuke’s knee now, and Sasuke pulled it away violently to keep Naruto from noticing that it was shaking.  _ Too close. _ “Dare me? What are we, 8?” Naruto came back, stronger this time, hanging off of him so that nearly all of his weight was put on Sasuke’s two legs. There was Naruto, between his spread legs, pleading with him to get into the water. Sasuke thought his face might melt from the beam of Naruto’s eyes, and his smile. “You’re being lame,” Naruto said, and his face changed just that fast from a grin to a pout. Sasuke shrugged. “Why can’t I be lame? There’s got to be at least one person who’s introverted, we’d just tire each other out with our conflicting personalities.”

Naruto’s face twisted into one of disapproval. “That’s just fancy talk. D’you think I’d let you come all the way out here and not have you get in the water at least once, at least a little bit?” Sasuke looked down at Naruto with mild annoyance. “Naruto, you can’t make me if I don’t want to.” There it was again, the look Sasuke didn’t like. Naruto was still touching him, though his feet now. He was holding himself aloft by anchoring himself to Sasuke’s body. The water was still, and the sound of bugs in the air nearly drowned out Naruto’s next words. 

“Oh, I can’t?”

Have you ever had the ground pulled out from underneath you, seen the ground become the sky? Sasuke hadn’t. He saw the pier  _ above  _ him. The back of his head smashed against the wood and then with a whoosh, he was in the water. It slapped him as he was pulled in. Naruto had released his feet at that point, but Sasuke couldn’t even feel anything except for his lungs filling with water, and the water all around him, dragging him, filling in the spaces he was clawing it away from. Useless to flail his arms, but he still did. Sasuke had never felt so full. He was going to drown, he thought, and his second thought was to call for help. Bad move; his already waterlogged lungs only caught more water, and it started to hurt. It was in his nose, his ears, his mouth, his brain. He was sinking, too, and fast. He knew he was thrashing frantically, but everything was moving in slow motion. Sasuke could barely see underneath the water anyway, but he still strained to keep his eyes open. Maybe, if he kept sight of the light, he’d be able to live. 

Sasuke was still in the process of trying to  _ live  _ when it hit him. He thought maybe at first he’d blacked out and he was dreaming, or that he’d died already and was seeing his life flash before his eyes. But, no, it couldn’t be the latter because this stuff hadn’t happened. Must be a dream.

There he was, and Naruto was there, too. They were in Naruto’s room, and it was dark. The only light was from the moon shining through the blinds covering the window. There Sasuke sat, on Naruto’s bed, with Naruto’s face in his chest, and his arm slung across Naruto’s shoulders. Sasuke wasn’t in control of himself, but he was still feeling. He felt a bit winded, like he’d just gone through some crazy amount of physical activity before they’d ended up there. Sasuke’s eyes were on Naruto, fixed on him. He was… crying? He felt… sad. Anguished, to see Naruto so upset. Sasuke heard his own voice come into focus, as though he’d been tuning a radio

“... ‘S gonna be ok, yeah? It’ll be fine, you’ll be fine.” He felt so awkward. Sasuke felt embarrassed, trying to comfort Naruto. And what was he crying about, anyway? Sasuke couldn’t hear him when he spoke, but he saw Naruto was sobbing. He felt himself awkwardly pat Naruto’s back and then say, “It isn’t the end of the world. You’ll be ok without her.”

Without _ her _ ? Who is  _ her _ ? There’s no way he was talking about Hinata? Naruto and Hinata were obsessed with one another, almost unhealthily, unbearably so. They were always together. Sasuke couldn’t hear Naruto speaking, even though his lips were moving. He was still crying. Then a laugh, it seemed, and Sasuke returned it. “Trust me,” he said, the small, hopeless smile playing on his lips, “you’re the only person I’d ever sneak into a window for.” Right, that’s right. Suddenly, Sasuke vaguely remembered himself clambering through the small gap in Naruto’s window, and landing ungraciously on the floor, on his face. He felt the ache of his feet, and the dampness of the bottoms of his pants around his ankles like he’d walked in something wet.

What the fuck was this? Was this some kind of twisted fantasy, that Naruto and Hinata would break up and instead of being happy, he’d be sad? What the fuck was wrong with his mind? Sasuke couldn’t bear to feel this for much longer. The rush of emotions he had as he sat there, holding Naruto, was way too much.

And luckily, he didn’t have to. Everything started to get black around the edges, and the last thing Sasuke felt was Naruto’s fingers beginning to thread into his hair. The last thing he saw was the tumult, the confusion in Naruto’s eyes. He was so close, too close. Then everything went black, and Sasuke couldn’t feel or see anything. 

“—Suke, Sasuke!” Sakura’s voice was the first thing he heard. Naruto’s face was the first thing he saw. Their hands on his shoulders, his chest, his arms, were the first things he felt. Sasuke coughed violently, vomiting the water from inside of his lungs onto his already soaked shirt and chest. His eyes were open just a crack, to see Naruto. Naruto’s face was the picture of concern, of worry. His were the hands on Sasuke’s chest, and cradling his head. Huh. Sasuke hadn’t noticed that part before, the part where the back of his head was throbbing. Out of the corner of his eye, Sasuke could see Hinata peeking over Naruto’s shoulder. He turned his head away from her and instead to Sakura. 

“Are you ok? What the fuck happened?” Sakura was nearly screaming in her panic. Sasuke coughed again, so hard that he felt his throat starting to become scratchy. He thought he might be coughing up blood. There was still water in his brain and his ears, but there was no more in his lungs, at least. Naruto’s hand was still on his chest, and he felt Naruto’s fingers dig into his hair, like he was trying to anchor Sasuke to the world, to life. He looked like he’d been crying. Was that just the water from the lake? 

“It’s m-my fault,” Naruto said. His voice was shaking, just like his arms. Sasuke’s eyebrows came together and he tried to shake his head, but Naruto’s hold on him was strong. “I pulled him in, I thought he’d swim, I just wanted him to have  _ fun _ —” 

Sasuke brought his hand up weakly and pressed his index finger to Naruto’s lips. “Shh,” he mumbled. His eyes closed again. “It’s not your fault.” It actually, technically was, but Sasuke could never blame Naruto for anything. 

When they got Sasuke back to the house, clean and dry, he was lying in bed, thinking about the day. They’d explained to him what happened after he’d blacked out: he had been unconscious, according to Sakura, for three whole minutes. They’d dragged him out of the water frantically, and then laid him on the grass. No one knew CPR, so they just pushed hard at his chest and shook him until he started to cough. Then, Sasuke’s mind turned to his vision again. He’d thought about telling Naruto, but that would probably only backfire. He’d probably have to get an earful of his and Hinata’s wedding plans, or something, to prove him wrong. And then, they’d have to talk about it, about why he’d even have some conjuring like that in his mind in the first place. Sakura? No, she’d just tell him that he was a sadist and that it was a fantasy. After laughing at him for having weird epiphany/dreams to begin with. So Sasuke laid there for hours, sprawled haphazardly across the twin bed, with the lights off, mulling it over in his mind. He didn’t even notice that the sun had gone down, or that the lights had been turned off in the house. Today was their last day anyway. Pretty soon he’d have to go back to his regular life, of being a bored high school student with few friends and no motivation besides living up to the shadow his brother was casting, and being near a boy with sunshine hair. 

What was the reason? There was no way that was real. And he’d never had any sort of visions before, either. Sasuke didn’t have much to base it off of besides his previous dreams about Naruto, but those always went the same way. They’d be sitting somewhere, usually in this little secluded part of the park across the street from their school. They’d be looking in one another’s eyes, and holding hands, or touching shoulders, or some other sappy shit. Sasuke would be  _ this  _ close to saying it, just letting it be in the wind, telling Naruto how he really felt. The words would be on the tip of his tongue, and he’d see Naruto’s bright smile beamed on him— and then he’d jump awake and be in a bad mood for the rest of the day because nothing ever went his way and life was meaningless. 

And it had happened as soon as Sasuke was sure he was done for. Sasuke remembered his vision going black even as his eyes were open, and then he must have been suspended in the water, or something. That part was still a little murky to him, because Sakura had been so erratic when she was saying it. Plus, she had been far away when it happened, so she didn’t really have all the details. Naruto hadn’t wanted to speak about it. Anyway. It had happened when Sasuke was sure there was no hope. That had to mean something?

Sasuke was so into his own mind, he almost didn’t hear the door open. He did, however, see a figure standing in his doorway. Sasuke sat up fast and squinted into the dark. “Naruto?” 

The floorboards squeaked in protest as Naruto crossed the room, barefoot, to the bed where Sasuke sat. He stood before Sasuke then, looking apprehensive. Sasuke couldn’t help but take in all the small details of Naruto’s being as he craned his neck to look up at him. Sasuke hoped his eyes didn’t look as wet and dopey as they felt. Naruto was fidgeting, his fingers twitching where they hung at his side. He smelled good, like that weird orange soap he loved to use. He was chewing his lip, and his eyes were wandering the room. They landed on Sasuke, and grew soft. Sasuke almost gasped. Naruto’s teeth released his lip. 

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry, again.” 

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Get out of here, I told you it’s fine. It isn’t your fault.” Sasuke laid back down then. He closed his eyes. He knew Naruto wasn’t done talking. Sasuke felt the bed dip towards his feet. He braced himself for a speech, crossing his arms over his chest.

“It is my fault, Sasuke, I literally pulled you in. I don’t know, I know you’ve always been ‘quiet’ and ‘reserved’ and ‘introverted’ or whatever you said, I just wanted you to experience this. Experience something for once. Lately, it feels like you’re just not into  _ anything _ . Like, whenever I suggest something, you’re finding some excuse to get out of it. I’m surprised you agreed to come do this. And I’m glad that you were enjoying yourself, before today. I asked Hinata what it might be, if she’d ever seen this before. She doesn’t know, either. And Sakura just said that you only had two interests anyways; being better than everyone else and making sure that no one can tell what you’re feeling. I don’t—think that’s true, but.” Naruto sighed then, and Sasuke cracked his eyes open to see Naruto fisting his hair in frustration. Of course he’d asked Hinata. God  _ damn  _ it, Sasuke thought. He rolled his eyes in agitation. “I just want you to smile for once, that’s all. But I didn’t mean to almost kill you.”

Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut again when Naruto finished talking.  _ I just want you to smile for once.  _ Sometimes, inhaling still hurt, but it would be fine. There was no real damage, not to Sasuke’s body, anyway. Maybe just his heart. He didn’t like seeing Naruto upset, and even more hated the thought that Naruto thought something was his fault and was admitting his  _ guilt. _ It was painful. Even though it was quite literally Naruto’s fault, Sasuke wouldn’t say it. He couldn’t make himself. None of that made sense, and Sasuke knew it, but he also knew that he was stupid about Naruto. He would reason himself away from reason if it meant that Naruto wasn’t wrong. 

Pathetic.

Naruto stood then, and walked until he was inches from Sasuke’s face where he’d turned over on the tiny bed. Sasuke threw an arm over his eyes. “I know you said you’re fine, and maybe you are, but I’m still sorry.” Sasuke’s heart beat wild. He was not fine. Now just wasn’t the time to talk about it. He could hear Naruto measuring his own breaths, could almost feel the heat of Naruto’s body near him. The sound of bugs was still roaring loud outside. The moon was huge, and Sasuke moved his arm over so that he could gaze at it through the floor to ceiling windows. He wondered vaguely what was out there. The trees rustled with an unheard wind, and Sasuke echoed their flow with a slow exhale. Sasuke’s resolve to stay silent was cracked to pieces by the time he heard Naruto say, “Good night, Sasuke.”

“Mm.” He didn’t turn to see Naruto leave.

Naruto left then without another word, and the moment the door closed Sasuke started to cry. Oh, the weakness. He felt insane, to think that he’d had some fantasy about that boy being anything but happy. That boy, that would blame himself forever for this. Sasuke was selfish. That’s all it was. After ten full minutes of stifling his own tears, Sasuke began to feel his exhaustion. He was tired physically from his near-death experience, and emotionally, because he’d been picking his own mind apart for hours. 

And Sasuke didn’t dream that night. He didn’t know what to expect, but when he woke up, he knew he hadn’t. That made whatever he’d seen all the more mind-wracking. He didn’t tell anyone, not the whole time they were packing, not the whole time they went home, and not even when they were all texting in their group chat. He would usually pretend to be asleep, but he was passively reading the messages when his brother came into his room, out in the open, with no time to think of a sleeping position.

“Sasuke? Are you feeling ok?” 

Sasuke jumped a little and shoved his phone underneath his pillow; habit. Itachi’s eyebrow quirked, and he leaned against the doorway after crossing his arms loosely. Sasuke shrugged. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Itachi took his turn to shrug. “Sakura’s parents called, told Mom and Dad what happened at the lake. They didn’t ask you about it?” Sasuke pursed his lips and looked away. Itachi rightfully took that as a ‘yes.’ He’d gotten a nauseating lecture, where once again his father was warning him not to spend too much time with the “Uzumaki boy,” his father’s words slurring over the bottle he was nursing while his mother was cleaning. Fugaku had said to keep away from Naruto because he lacked impulse control and good hygiene. Sasuke had thought bitterly that only  _ one  _ of those things was true, and it was fine, really. Naruto smelled great, thank you very much. “And,” Fugaku said, “he doesn’t mind his parents.  _ They’re  _ bad enough, but he is a disobedient child.” Sasuke had sulked up to his room the moment they were finished talking. Just in time for Mikoto to take up the argument that Minato and Kushina were not  _ bad.  _

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Itachi was already coming into the room, closing the door behind him. He threw himself onto the mound of pillows Sasuke always threw off of his bed when it was time to sleep. Sasuke only kept them for appearances, so that when he made his bed he wouldn’t be tempted to get back into it. (Seriously, though, Sasuke had 8 pillows just for his bed, never mind the ones on the floor.)

Sasuke shook his head quickly. He felt his phone buzzing in his grip. “Not particularly,” he said. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust his brother; he loved Itachi and trusted him with his life. It was just, sometimes, it seemed that Itachi didn’t really have a mind for their family anymore. It used to bother Sasuke a lot more than it did now. When he was much younger, when he’d needed Itachi most, he was always busy and they never really spoke. Sasuke still looked up to his brother, because he was getting a  _ degree _ and what even is college? Something Sasuke couldn’t fathom. Itachi was like a superhero to him, because he was doing things Sasuke couldn’t see himself ever doing. Sometimes, Sasuke had doubts that he’d even graduate high school. But, watching his brother be his own boss was the greatest thing Sasuke had ever seen. Soon enough, Itachi would be leaving them, and then Sasuke really didn’t know who he was going to count on.

Sasuke tried to be cool, the way he always was, but he felt differently, and it showed. He couldn’t look his brother in the eye. Itachi noticed the strange turn in Sasuke’s voice that hadn’t been there before this weekend. Before he’d almost died. Before he’d seen what he’d seen, and felt what he’d felt.

“Why’d he do it?” Itachi’s sage voice always made Sasuke feel safe, grounded, like he was in a good place. Still, this was different. It was hard to talk to anyone about the way he felt towards Naruto. It wasn’t real, it wasn’t real, it wasn’t as deep as he was making it in when he was alone with his thoughts. There was always, eventually, someone who would pull him out of his mind enough for him to be slapped by reality again. Naruto wasn’t like him, and didn’t like him. Not like that, anyway. It was that simple. Sasuke rolled his eyes up to the ceiling and looked at it instead of Itachi. 

“He said he wanted to see me smile again, or something.”  _ I just want you to smile for once,  _ it played over and over in his mind. Sasuke shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know why I didn’t just get in the water? He was just so close to me, and the sun was so hot, and he didn’t have on a shirt, I didn’t… trust myself. To not make it weird, or ruin it.”

Itachi hummed. “Ruin it, how? Ruin what?”

Sasuke shrugged and flipped his body so that he was sprawled all across the ocean of bed he was lying on. “Ruin the atmosphere, I guess? Everything felt good. It was an escape from home. He was happy, and Sakura was happy, and Hinata wasn’t around. So it was like old times. Naruto will never admit that he’s different because of her. He wanted to see  _ me  _ smile, I just wanted him to have his own thoughts for a few hours. So I didn’t want to get in, and make some strange tension come up. Because of my feelings.” Sasuke chewed his nails as he spoke. At least he could speak freely with his brother, even if it was hard to reach him sometimes. But, Sasuke wondered, just how free could he be?

“Itachi?”

“Hm?”

Sasuke moved so that he was leaning off the edge of his bed, facing Itachi. He wanted to see the expression that passed over his features when he asked the question. It took him a moment to speak because Sasuke didn’t quite know how to word it.

“Have you ever had a dream, but you were awake? And… it seemed crazy, right, but you felt it, like,  _ felt  _ it? You’re looking through your own eyes and seeing something happen that could  _ never  _ happen—” Sasuke shook his head. “Never mind, never mind.” It didn’t even make sense as he tried to explain it. 

Itachi leaned forward with interest. He was adjusting his ponytail as he listened, and when Sasuke cut himself off Itachi’s hands stilled in his hair. “What’d you see?”

Sasuke described his dream and the events leading up to it to Itachi the best he could, and, honestly, it wasn’t that hard. He hadn’t forgotten a single detail of the whole ordeal. He felt a little embarrassed to say it, though. He was having weird, vivid dreams about Naruto, a  _ boy _ . But, his favorite boy, the best boy. Sasuke waited for Itachi to mull it all over when he’d finished. Itachi rubbed his chin as he thought. 

“So, like. You felt everything, in your fingertips and everything? With your whole being?” Sasuke nodded. “Yes. It was definitely my body feeling it. I wasn’t watching myself as it happened, it was all happening to me. And I saw it as soon as I was sure I was going to die. In the… exact… moment.”

Itachi eventually sat up straighter. Sasuke was distracted by the way he always talked with his hands. “Ya know, I’ve read something like that. In fiction,” he added pointedly. Unnecessarily.

Sasuke’s expression grew angry. “D’you think I’m making it up or something?” He sat up and jabbed a finger at Itachi in the air. “Look, it was hard enough to tell you this shit, you  _ know  _ that I don’t like talking about it, about him. And then you want to come in here, and pretend to care, like you always do, and make me feel like what happened wasn’t real. Guess what, Itachi? It was  _ real.  _ I felt it, I saw it. I can still see it.” 

Itachi just sat, looking at Sasuke plaintively, and listened. When he gauged that Sasuke was finished ranting, he gave a small shake of his head and put his hands up in surrender, or defeat. “No, Sasuke, “I’m not trying to say that it wasn’t real. I’m just saying, this kind of thing isn’t really… normal? If you want to read about it, you’ll have to look really deep. Or just read the books I’ve read.” Itachi shrugged. Sasuke felt his blood stop boiling. 

“Oh.”

Sasuke had been just about to ask what the books were, when their father threw the door open. “What are you two doing in here, yelling? Sasuke, it’s a school night! And where is that phone?” Sasuke pressed a hand to his temple. Of course. His father was his least favorite parent, for the record. Sasuke eyed the bottle clutched in Fugaku’s fist. He rolled his eyes. Sasuke could  _ smell  _ how out of it he was.

Itachi stood and gave their father the same gestures he’d shown to Sasuke, with his hands up. This time, he was smiling. “It’s alright, Father. We didn’t mean to yell. Sasuke was just getting off to bed, right?” Itachi threw a glance at Sasuke over his shoulder after he’d crossed the room. “Oh, uh, yes. Sleep, school, yeah.” Sasuke nodded. After pulling one of the pillows back onto his bed, Sasuke drew his comforter up around him. His phone was still in his hand under the pillow. He’d nearly forgotten it, until his dad had brought it back to his attention.

Their father’s face was suspicious, but he had been appeased. Itachi left the situation without further comment. Sasuke watched his father watching him with bated breath. Fugaku’s eyes narrowed at him. “Now, you remember what I told you about that Uzumaki boy. Your mother called Kushina and Minato already. I don’t care what he says, Sasuke. You have things in your life that you can’t do with people like him around. And now, he’s tried to kill you! I mean it when I say stay away.” Sasuke turned his body away. There was nothing he wanted to say to that. If he spoke, he’d only be feeding his father’s illogical point.

Sasuke heard his father close the door behind him as he left. He could already feel the hot tears coming to his eyes; he felt so pathetic. All he did was cry, lately. It was stupid. He thought that if he told someone about it, it would go away. But what was  _ it?  _ Sasuke was nowhere near figuring it out, and no closer to getting closure from it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i did a lot of hardcore editing to this one. i hope it’s just as interesting as the first one :)

And then… it happened. 

A few weeks after the lake trip, and everything seemed back to normal. Sasuke’s wounds healed, and he began to be able to go days without thinking about it. He was dreaming regularly again, about Naruto, of course. Still, they were the dreams he was used to. He had tried to find something, anything that sounded like what he’d experienced, but there wasn’t anything like that in the library, or on the internet that wasn’t fake. He still hadn’t gotten the chance to ask Itachi which books he’d been reading, either. He stopped crying as much. One day in Physics class Sakura turned to him, sighed, and said, “I’m glad you’re back to the way you’re supposed to be. I was worried you’d be a mess forever.” A mess? Well, shit. 

The only thing messing with Sasuke’s mind now was Naruto. His parents, really just his father, had given up on this millionth attempt to get him to stop talking to Naruto. For all of his threatening, it was always empty. At least, when it came to Sasuke. 

Sasuke wondered when Fugaku would realize it was futile, telling him not to talk to Naruto. He wondered, because he… had feelings for Naruto. Never had he attributed a name to these feelings. Still, his father would just have to realize that they were best friends, and nothing was going to come between that. Sasuke wouldn’t  _ let  _ it.

Naruto was still being a lot more attentive. Since they’d come back, he was trying his best to spend as much time with Sasuke as possible, in and out of school. To Sasuke’s surprise, he also noticed that while Naruto sought him out more, he sought Hinata less. It surprised everyone, really, to see that Hinata and Naruto’s time together dwindled the more Naruto came around him. Sakura and Sai were always commenting on the fact that Naruto hadn’t talked to Hinata in person in two, three, seven days. If it wasn’t Sasuke, it was soccer practice, or something to do with his parents. It was bothering her, they’d say. Those were the only times Naruto went and sought her; when he was reminded that she existed. No, it didn’t make Sasuke  _ happy,  _ it was just pleasant. Before, when they would hang out, Naruto would always get a call, and then he’d make a face, and then he’d leave, yelling something about Hinata over his shoulder. He’d just leave Sasuke there, pulling a piece of him out the door as he did. Needless to say, Sasuke was pleased to have Naruto with him the whole time he promised he’d spend with Sasuke. If it was at Hinata’s expense, well. That had nothing to do with Sasuke, really.

It was just becoming… a little too much. Naruto was always asking him to hang out, and then they’d be together for hours. And it wasn’t that Sasuke didn’t cherish every moment he got to spend with Naruto, because it was always so special. He just liked being near Naruto, even to pass him in the hallways gave Sasuke faint butterflies. Sasuke understood that Naruto was probably only doing all of this because he felt guilty about the situation, but he allowed that fact to slip his mind when Naruto smiled at him, or offered to share his food with him, or told Sasuke that he appreciated Sasuke’s company and that he was the smartest person he knew (they were doing a lot of studying, since finals were coming up). It was just… he didn’t know how much longer he could handle it. He barely had time to think about how he felt about Naruto without Naruto actually being there near him. It made Sasuke very self conscious, like he had to be careful. He couldn’t just express himself freely, because the last thing he needed was for Naruto to figure him out. 

Sasuke still always hoped Naruto was looking for him. He stood at his locker, picking listlessly at a loose string on one of his book covers, when he heard Naruto’s voice booming down the hall. “Sasuke!” Sasuke jerked forward slightly when Naruto’s hand made contact with his shoulder. Naruto’s smile turned to a frown. “Oh, sorry, did I go too hard? Sorry.” Naruto moved his weight so that he was leaning against the lockers next to Sasuke’s. Sasuke tried not to die too much.

“You’re still gonna come over today, right? My parents said you can spend the night, if you want.” Sasuke looked up from where he was gathering his binders together. He almost stammered. “Sl-sleep over? I didn’t ask my parents about that, I, uh…”

Naruto just laughed. “It’s fine, either way. It’s not like you can’t fit my clothes, in case you forget to bring any. We’ve got a lot of hardcore studying to do.” Naruto’s smile was back. Such a cute face, and the  _ light  _ coming off of him was enough to make Sasuke want to cover his eyes. So bright, too bright. He nodded slowly. “I guess you’re right. You’re lucky I remember all that math from last year, or else you’d be in some real shit.” Sasuke slammed his locker and held his history textbook clutched to his chest.

Naruto rolled his eyes at Sasuke’s snark. “Whatever, you’d still help me even if you didn’t.” Sasuke could scoff. Instead, he shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Oh, fuck you.” His only cover for his emotions was to deflect and be snide. If he wasn’t like that, he’d just be ‘a mess,’ like Sakura said. He had asked her what she’d meant by that, and she’d shrugged. “The  _ crying,  _ Sasuke, and the constant dark cloud over your head. It isn’t like you didn’t already have one, but… there was a real melancholy there.”

Anyway. Covering himself was the only thing that kept Sasuke secure in their relationship. This was their dynamic, the way it was supposed to be, the way it had always been. If he stayed the way he’d always been, Naruto would never be able to dig into him any deeper. Plus, Naruto didn’t seem to ever mind, because he knew Sasuke didn’t mean it.

Sasuke felt his hopeful feet begin walking to his last class of the day, but Naruto wasn’t following him. Sasuke craned his neck to look over his shoulder. Naruto had been mid-step, it seemed, when he got a very captivating message. He was staring at his phone, opening and closing his mouth. Whatever it was, it was upsetting him. One of his hands was balling into a fist at his side. Sasuke felt himself starting to shake. He’d been about to turn around completely and go to Naruto, but then the tardy bell rang, and it snapped Naruto out of whatever trance the message had put him in. Sasuke didn’t look to see whether or not Naruto ever made it to class.

The whole time his history teacher droned on, Sasuke was thinking about Naruto. Should he text Naruto, ask him what was wrong, or should he just wait until they saw one another again? Should he ask at  _ all _ ? Sasuke typed ‘are you ok’ into his phone and deleted it at least four times. Something about this situation was making Sasuke’s spine tingle. He shook his head every few seconds and then tapped his finger along with the ticking of the second hand for the entirety of the last ten minutes of class. 

Sasuke gave a sigh of anxious relief when the bell finally sounded, dismissing him from the torture of his mind. Sasuke didn’t know whether or not worrying about it would do him much good, so he did everything he could to push it out of his mind. He said farewell to Sakura and Sai as they were leaving the classroom across the hall, and chatted idly with Tenten and Neji on the grand front steps of the school while he waited for Naruto to get out of practice. He knew that he shouldn’t just hang around here and string himself out even more, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t leave. He was barely listening to Tenten spout on and on about this new holographic knife she thought looked really good. He kept looking at Neji’s face, to see if he expressed anything to do with the situation. He seemed to be just as bored with this conversation as Sasuke, only nodding along when Tenten said, “You know?” or “Right?” Sasuke felt every minute of the conversation, all sixty of them. Somewhere around minute 42, Lee came around, disputing the superiority of knives and saying that in fact, nunchucks were the ultimate weapon. “Oh, fuck me,” Sasuke muttered as he ran a hand over his face. Seeing Lee told Sasuke that practice was over, but where the hell was Naruto? What was taking him so long?

He had just been thinking that if he pitched himself down the stairs at just the right angle, he’d break his neck on impact when he saw a flash of the sunshine hair he had been subconsciously looking for. Naruto was coming towards him, and when he got close enough, Sasuke unceremoniously said, “See ya,” and nearly tripped down the stairs to meet Naruto halfway.

Sasuke inspected Naruto’s face when he was close enough. He seemed to be alright, outwardly, but there was something a little dark in his eyes that Sasuke wasn’t familiar or comfortable with. Whatever, Sasuke thought, if he wants to tell me he will. Naruto’s smile wasn’t the same, either. Still so bright, but different. It didn’t reach his sky blue eyes. Sasuke’s heart was in his feet when Naruto spoke. “Hey, I’m almost ready. I just have to talk to Hinata about something, she says it’s serious.” Naruto’s voice betrayed the cool demeanor he was trying to keep with his facial expression. 

“Serious?”

Naruto nodded, and shrugged nonchalantly. He shoved a hand into his pocket. “Yeah, but it’s fine. Shouldn’t take too long. Probably about the graduation party her parents are throwing for Neji, or something like that.” Sasuke just nodded and let the corner of his mouth turn up into the soft smile he saved only for Naruto. Even if they were talking about  _ her,  _ Naruto was about to spend time with him, maybe the whole night, so it didn’t matter. He had won tonight.

“Ok, if you say so,” Sasuke said. He gave a tiny sigh and fidgeted with his keys in his pocket. “I’ll be in my car. I guess, uh, text me to let me know?” Naruto nodded. He turned on his heel and Sasuke watched him go up the stairs and back into the school. 

There was something about this that was ringing familiar. Sasuke couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was something he knew he was missing. Sasuke threw his things into the backseat of his tiny black car and then threw himself into the driver’s seat. He looked at his phone every few seconds, waiting for Naruto to text him that he was ready. What possibly could Hinata want to talk about? She could have just come and found them, or waited for a time when Naruto wasn’t busy, like she always did. Always interrupting. Well. She’d said it was “serious.” What could be so serious? If it was about some party, she could have texted Naruto, or called him. What was the need of talking about something so inconsequential in person? Unless, it was. Sasuke grit his teeth and curled his fingers around the steering wheel. Thinking about Naruto’s business so much would do him no good; he couldn’t stop himself.

Finally,  _ finally,  _ after an eternity (27 minutes), Sasuke saw, ‘we’re done’ light up the screen of his phone. He’d never started his car so fast. Sasuke tried not to speed; it was ridiculous, that the idea of Naruto being so upset was making  _ him  _ so upset. Naruto was just a friend, just his best friend, just the person that he knows the most and vice versa… it wasn’t his business, really, and Naruto never had to tell him. So why was Sasuke’s heart thumping in his throat? 

Sasuke got to Naruto’s house before Naruto did. He decided not to wait. If he didn’t keep himself moving around, active, he’d just start thinking the worst again. The worst, Sasuke didn’t really know what that meant. He supposed that Naruto being sad was the worst. The worst possible outcome. 

Sasuke greeted Naruto’s father as he attempted to pass him by and go straight up the stairs. “Sasuke, how are you?” Sasuke’s shoulders slumped. He’d just put his foot on the first step when he heard Minato call out to him. “Uh, great, Mr Namikaze,” Sasuke said, dragging himself into the kitchen where he knew Naruto’s father would be. 

“You look a little down. What’s wrong?” Sasuke always saw Naruto when he looked at Minato’s face. For sure, Naruto was the spitting image of his father. He had the strong and defiant personality of his mother, or so Sasuke’s mom told him. Minato was over the stove, already cooking dinner. He was wearing an apron and oven mitts. Sasuke had always thought it was interesting, that Kushina had Minato at her whim. She wasn’t here, she was surely at work. Sasuke had never seen anything like it before; all of his other friends’ parents were what he’d always known, the dynamics were familiar. It was funny, mostly, because Minato was so into Kushina all the time, and they didn’t care who saw it. Kushina was the one with the temper, and she was the one who made the executive decisions about all things in the house, from what temperature to have the thermostat on, to who would wash the dishes after dinner, to how to parent Naruto in general. It was… refreshing. This was one of the many reasons why Sasuke liked being around Naruto’s parents. (Naruto’s parents also didn’t drink, didn’t fight, so there was that.)

Sasuke shook his head in response to Minato’s question. “No, nothing, I’m fine.” Minato raised an eyebrow and tilted his head, but he didn’t push it. “Well, alright. Have you been eating? You look thin.” Sasuke looked down at himself. One of his hands fidgeted at his side. “Oh, y-yeah, I’ve been eating.” 

Sasuke realized that this was the first time he’d been over here since the  _ thing  _ had happened. He loved Naruto’s parents too much to ever stay away from this place, no matter what his father said. They always asked him the questions he wanted to hear from his parents, like  _ how was your day?  _ and  _ do you need help with your work?  _ Sasuke barely even talked to his parents now except to argue with them. 

Minato laid the big spoon down that he’d been using to stir the soup he was tending to. He slid his oven mitts off and came to lay his strong hands on Sasuke’s shoulders. 

“Naruto told me what happened last month. He was devastated, I must say. He was beside himself. He just kept talking about you, wondering if you were ok, if you’d talk to him again. You were the only thing on his mind.” Minato’s face was so kind as he spoke.

Sasuke chewed his lip. He didn’t know how to respond to this. Not an appropriate response, anyway. “He… told me, some of that stuff. I don’t know why I wouldn’t talk to him, it was an accident. I would never just not talk to him, especially when it wasn’t his fault.” Sasuke shrugged, to emphasize that everything was  _ fine _ . 

Minato gave him a gentle smile. “That’s nice to hear. He was a wreck. He still talks about you quite a bit… more even than that girlfriend of his.” Minato shuffled back to the stove and resumed his stirring. His eyes were on the soup as he asked, “Do you know what’s going on with them?”

Sasuke took in a sharp breath. Oh,  _ did  _ he. “Not really. I try not to ask, since it isn’t really anything to do with me.” Sasuke began trying to slip his way out of the kitchen. “Oh, Sasuke?”

Sasuke was stopped in his tracks once again. He tried not to sigh. “Yes, sir?”

“Try not to be so hard on Naruto when you study, ok? He just sometimes doesn’t, mm, get it.” Sasuke didn’t really know what that meant, but he nodded along anyways, bid Minato one last goodbye and then ran up the stairs. 

Sasuke saw Naruto’s car pull up out the window from his vantage point of Naruto’s bed. Sasuke had taken his shoes off, put his reading glasses on, and began highlighting terms and equations he knew he’d need to drill into Naruto’s mind. Sasuke was tapping his pencil against the flashcards he was making, when he realized he still hadn’t heard Naruto come in. He squinted out the window again and saw Naruto still sitting in his car. All Sasuke could see was Naruto’s hair, because his head was against the steering wheel. Sasuke’s eyebrows drew together with concern. That did not look good at all.

Sasuke jumped when he saw Naruto open the car door and slam it harder than necessary. With every passing second, Sasuke grew more and more confused. He tried to pay attention to his work, but he realized he was reading the same line and had been for an entire minute and a half. 

The sounds of Naruto entering the house and stomping up the stairs were deafening. Sasuke felt the same spine tingle he always did when he knew that Naruto was drawing closer and closer. When he saw Naruto in the doorway, his eyes turned to see him. Sasuke caught the way Naruto’s eyes changed from harsh to calm and gentle when he looked at Sasuke. It was enough to make Sasuke feel like he was choking.

“Hey,” Naruto said. He took a step into the room, and the illusion was broken. Sasuke looked back at his work. Naruto flopped down and the bed dipped to support his weight. “Is this the math?” 

Sasuke looked up and adjusted his glasses where they’d begun to slide down the bridge of his nose. “This is the history,” Sasuke said. He tried to discern Naruto’s mood, but he couldn’t. All he could see was the same bubbly Naruto who had no problems and definitely didn’t have one right now. 

Naruto nodded. “Right, right. Can you believe it? We’re about to graduate.” Naruto stood and went over to the terrarium that took up the entire surface of his desk. There were toads in it, two of them, and Naruto was feeding them. “Like, it’s been so long, we’ve been in school since we were, what, five? Six? Crazy.” Naruto’s face was towards his animals while he spoke. There had been three toads, once upon a time, but Sasuke’s pet snake had eaten one of them. Eventually, Sasuke’s snake had also died, so he’d had to get a new one.

“Nn. I guess. My brother graduated a while ago, so I don’t really remember what it was like. But we still have another year, Naruto,” Sasuke pointed out. He flipped the cards over and over and over again. He wasn’t really into it, not as much as he’d been when Naruto had first suggested he come over. He wanted to talk about something else, about whatever Naruto and Hinata had talked about. 

“Hey, so, are you sleepin’ over?” Naruto had come back to the bed and was looking over the flashcards Sasuke had already finished.

Sasuke looked up. “Oh, yeah, I guess.”

Naruto’s face broke into that grin that always made Sasuke’s senses turn to mush and threw a fist into the air. “Yes! Now I don’t have to work as hard.”

“What does that even— Naruto, that makes no sense and you’re also wrong. We’re working  _ hard _ , because otherwise you won’t ever learn it!”

Naruto pouted. He moved closer to Sasuke on the bed. Sasuke did not blush. “I just meant, since we’re gonna be studying all night, it’d be better to spread it out, duh.” 

“Whatever.”

Sasuke tried his hardest not to be frustrated with Naruto as they studied. And, to be fair, he didn’t do so bad with the history part. Naruto remembered everything by the state it happened in, he was always like that. The math was making Sasuke want to pull his hair out. He gave a loud and obvious sigh of relief when he heard Minato’s voice summoning them to eat. 

“Finally, a break.” Naruto stood and stretched up tall, exposing a sliver of his skin. Sasuke inhaled deeply so that he didn’t scream. He was just about to stand, too, when his phone rang. 

“Sorry, it’s my dad,” Sasuke said. “You go on without me,” he said, waving a hand to dismiss Naruto. Naruto shot him a concerned look, but left the room and bounded down the stairs all the same.

“Sasuke, where are you?” Fugaku was yelling. Sasuke winced and held the phone away from his ear. It was so early in the night for this sort of shit. “I’m with Naruto? We’re studying, um, we’re about to eat dinner—”

“How many times do we have to tell you! Mikoto, he’s with that boy again!” Sasuke tapped his foot impatiently as he listened to his parents bickering. “Oh, Fugaku, let him be happy!”

A small crash and a cry. “He can be happy if he’d work harder and pay more attention to his family! We’d all be more happy if he was more like that brother of his!” Sasuke grit his teeth. They were still fighting on the other end, and Sasuke contemplated hanging up. 

Eventually, they stopped, and Fugaku addresses Sasuke again. “Boy, you just make sure you’re home before it’s dark.”

“Oh, yeah, about that. They invited me to stay the night?”

“Spend the night? When were you going to ask permission? Oh, I know. You weren’t! You were just going to disappear… leave us worried sick…” Sasuke heard his father’s voice getting weaker and his words slurring more and more. “Dad? Dad?” Sasuke’s hand shook as he waited for a response. His mother’s sweet voice soothed his nerves. “He’s, um, fallen asleep,” she said. She was lying, Sasuke knew. He’d passed out.

“Oh, ok,” Sasuke replied, hoping that the turn of his voice was enough to convince her that it was fine. “Will you come home tonight, please, baby? We really want you here, Itachi and I. You’re always with Naruto, don’t you want to come spend some time with us?” Sasuke knew that she knew the answer to that. He did  _ not  _ want to be home right now, not when his father was drinking. Not when Naruto’s parents had cooked and were expecting him, and never had these problems because they loved one another and their kid and did things for him instead of themselves and actually cared about him. And they didn’t drink in front of their kid, or fight and hurt one another, either. Maybe, though, Sasuke would just go while his father was asleep, so he didn’t have to feel his wrath.

“He’s asleep now?”

A pause; she must have been looking to check. “Yes, he’s out. I made your favorite, I thought you’d be here for dinner. Please, come home.” Sasuke sighed in frustration. She was pleading with him, and he loved her. He loved her way too much to let her sleep in the house with their father without being there tonight. If he hadn’t wanted to pull his hair out before. Fuck, fuck.

“Ok, yeah. I didn’t bring any clothes, anyway.” Sasuke tried to laugh, but it ended up sounding flat, dull. He told her he loved her before he hung up and fisted a hand into his hair. Maybe, he should have died that day. Then he wouldn’t have to go through all of this, this shit, these feelings. Too many feelings that he was too young to feel. Sasuke sat with his head in his hands while his elbows rested on his knees. What was even the point of this, of life? The only thing that made him happy was Naruto’s company, and he couldn’t even have that. Not in good conscience. He was always competing with Hinata in his mind, even when it was clear that she couldn’t care less about him or the time he spent with Naruto. But, that was before. Before Naruto had started acting like Sasuke would break if he touched him, and like he couldn’t go two minutes without making sure he was ok.

Sasuke had just finished packing all of his things away when he heard Naruto coming to check on him. “Hey, are you coming, it’s getting col— Sasuke?”

Sasuke kept his face turned down toward the floor. He was trying to breathe correctly, so that when he spoke his voice didn’t crack or anything else weak like that.

“My… mom called. She said she wants me home tonight,” Sasuke said. His façade of trying not to care was falling apart before his eyes. He couldn’t bear to look Naruto in the eye right now. And he didn’t have to, to hear the disappointment in his voice. 

“Oh. I’ll, um, tell my parents you had something to do at home, I guess.” Sasuke slid his glasses off his face and placed them neatly in their case, which he then put in his backpack. He stood, slung his bag over his shoulder, and shuffled over to Naruto. Sasuke felt secure when his hand found Naruto’s hair. So soft, and his body was so warm, so close, he smelled so nice like oranges, and also like the soup that was downstairs that he wouldn’t get to taste—

“I’m sorry. Just tell them I’m sorry.”

Naruto’s eyes drifted from up, where he knew Sasuke’s hand was, to down, where Sasuke’s eyes were. He gave a small nod that shifted where Sasuke’s hand laid in his hair. “You know you can talk to me, right?”

“Tch. Can I? You didn’t talk to me.” Sasuke let his hand fall to his side. He was building his wall up, brick by brick, but Naruto had always been the dynamite, the exploding force that shattered his mental blocks on the outside world. When he was with Naruto, he remembered that the world existed, while simultaneously realizing that the world didn’t matter. 

Naruto caught Sasuke’s attitude change. “It’s not the same thing, it’s  _ personal,  _ between her and I.” Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Right, I forgot.”

He pushed past Naruto then and took the stairs as evenly as possible. He didn’t want to make any more of a fool of himself than he already had tonight. He didn’t even bid Naruto’s parents goodbye as he sped out of the house. Sasuke felt itchy to get home, if only to see his mother and his brother. Plus, it was a school night. He couldn’t be sleeping over someplace, anyway.

Sasuke drove the long way home, so that he had more time to think. His knuckles were white on the steering wheel. Oh, fuck,  _ personal? _ Right, yes. So now, all of a sudden, now that it’s serious, it wasn’t his business? He’d just been telling Sasuke  _ yesterday  _ about how Hinata was so great, she was so supportive, she let Naruto follow his dreams, blah blah. Ok. So when Naruto asked what this was about, well, he’d tell him it was personal.

Except, he could never do that. Naruto drew the truth out of him like a magnet. Even when he was lying to himself.

Sasuke tiptoed into the house after he’d pulled up. There was his father, asleep, sprawled out on the couch with a beer stain on his haphazardly buttoned shirt, no pants, and a blanket strewn across him. Must have been Itachi. A broken bottle lay in the corner, probably forgotten in the heat of the argument. Sasuke stopped by the kitchen to grab the plate his mother had made for him and took it, along with his schoolwork, to his room.

Sasuke watched TV and tended to his pet snake while he ate. It did nothing to take his mind off of what was happening, but he was home now, so he didn’t have to pretend. There was no Naruto around to pry and poke at him. He could think and express himself in peace. 

But it was painful to think about. Naruto, not telling him something? It made no sense. It hurt, too. They’d been telling one another everything for years now; Sasuke knew so many of Naruto’s secrets that he didn’t even remember them all. Sometimes, they’d come to him suddenly. He’d be in class and he’d suddenly snort because he remembered that Naruto slept with a nightlight until he was 13, or he’d be walking somewhere and have to pause because he’d remembered the time Naruto had told him that  _ he  _ was the one who had eaten the last cookie, not Minato, but he’d blamed his dad and his mom still believed it. Or that Naruto knew how to play the guitar; that he sucked his thumb when he was sleepy, and sometimes when he wasn’t; that no matter how hard he tried he always slept on his left side, with a hand underneath his pillow; that he’d lied to his parents about dating Hinata at first, and that they  _ still  _ thought Naruto was a virgin. There were things Sasuke was keeping from Naruto, but it was different. Not once did it cross Sasuke’s mind that this wasn’t really something he wanted to know. It had to do with Naruto, so he felt like he  _ needed  _ to know. 

Sasuke had taken his shower, put on his sleep clothes, turned off his TV, adjusted the temperature of Aoda’s terrarium, and had washed his dishes when Naruto called. He was in bed, all the lights were off, and he’d been half asleep. “H-hello?” A pause. Sasuke grew slightly irritated. “Do you know what time it is?”

There came a hard sniff from the other end, and Sasuke knew immediately that Naruto was crying. Sasuke bolted upright and put his phone on speaker. “Naruto? What’s going on?” It took Naruto a moment to gather himself together. 

“C-can you come b-back? I have to t-tell you someth-thing.” Sasuke looked at the clock. It read 2:48. If he left now, he’d have to stay the night, it would be too risky to come back. He’d be in for a world of pain when his father found out. Plus, Naruto’s parents might find it odd that he’d left without saying goodbye and then he somehow ended up back in their home. 

But Sasuke didn’t care, not right now. Naruto was crying real tears and Sasuke didn’t care what he had to do. “Yeah. Uh, how will I get in?” Sasuke pulled on his shoes and a t-shirt. 

“The window? There’s some lattice. I don’t know how easy it’d be to climb, though, sorry. You don’t have to, you know, this is just me—”

“Naruto, shut up. Have your window open.”

Sasuke had snuck out of his own window plenty of times, but those times had all been to do things with girls. When Fugaku had caught him one time and asked him where he was going, Sasuke didn’t even have it in himself to lie. Knowing that his son was sneaking out of the window to have meaningless sex with girls  _ pleased  _ Fugaku. Sasuke remembered smelling the alcohol coming off of his father as he felt a hand slap his shoulder, as if in  _ solidarity _ . Like they were the same, like Sasuke felt the way about life that his father did. He shivered; it made Sasuke sick to think about it as his feet touched the grass. 

It was a good thing their house only had one story. 

Sasuke stood in the street next to his car for a long moment. If he drove, his mother would hear him. His father wouldn’t be awake for hours, but he’d still notice when Sasuke wasn’t there in the morning. Sasuke rapped his knuckles against the top of his car twice before deciding it didn’t matter. He’d just walk.

Naruto’s house seemed a lot farther away when Sasuke was on his feet. He was wearing too many clothes, these pants were too long, it was much too hot. Sasuke kept checking his phone every few seconds, to see if Naruto was messaging him. But, it was all static. Sasuke chewed the nails of his free hand as he shakily typed a message with his thumb alone to tell Naruto he was close by. Sasuke was always biting his nails these days; ever since junior year had started. The last time he’d had this terrible habit was when he was much younger. 

He wished vaguely that he’d brought his headphones with him. Maybe, if he listened to music, he could quiet the screeching of his mind. Every corner of his mind was saying something different than the others. Naruto was crying; but what about? He didn’t want to hear anything about Hinata, he couldn’t  _ fucking  _ take it. Why cry about her? Sasuke shook his head angrily and spit out a fingernail. He didn’t know, he reminded himself with bitterness, because Naruto wouldn’t tell him. Whatever. 

There were other parts of his mind doing their own screaming. The part that stored how he felt about Naruto, telling him to tell Naruto, that it would be fine, everything would work out. The part that knew that wasn’t real, telling him that he didn’t feel anything for Naruto that was out of the ordinary, that they were just friends. The part that told him to turn around, go back home, lie and say he’d been caught, or something. Naruto would believe him. He’d just pretend, and then never have to deal with this. Whatever it was, he knew he wouldn’t be happy to hear it, not if it made Naruto cry.

But there was one final part, that grew louder and more assertive as Sasuke rounded every corner, every time he looked left to right and crossed a street.  _ You know what’s about to happen.  _ Sasuke wanted to slap himself. There was no way, that didn’t make any fucking sense. Twice as loud as all the other voices in his mind, yelling at him to just think, think, think. He remembered these clothes, he realized belatedly, he’d seen himself wearing this outfit before. No, no. Not real. Not possible. He hadn’t worn this shirt, so it was fine. Sasuke had almost allowed himself to push it all the way out of his mind, because it had just been a fever dream, a vision from… whomever,  _ whatever.  _ Definitely not real.

At last, at the end of that cursed train of thought, Sasuke came upon Naruto’s front lawn. All the lights were off. It was still, and perfect. Yellow painted siding, with flower boxes underneath all the windows on the first story. The roof was black shingling, and the shutters were a cool blue to accent the sunflower yellow. Perfectly manicured lawn. Sasuke felt dirty as he stepped delicately into the grass. So many traces of himself he had left on this home already. He’d cried there, laughed there, bled there (when they were kids, Sasuke used to try to beat Naruto at bike riding contests. He was bad at bike riding, and skinned his knees more than once. Or, there was the time he’d dropped a glass on the kitchen floor and then stepped on it; or the time he’d tried to shave when he was 11). The worst, most rotten thing that had happened at that perfect home, with its fenced backyard and three cars sitting in the driveway? It hurt, felt like something in him was ripping, as he admitted it to himself: Sasuke had fallen in love there. Well. In the woods next to it.

It had been many, many summers ago. So many that now Sasuke thought they were a whole decade older. Sasuke was foolish now. He’d been foolish then. He should have known, really, that Naruto would be it for him. How do you top someone like him? Breathtaking, fascinating, your polar opposite, magnetic, cosmic,  _ huge.  _ Everything about Naruto was huge to Sasuke. His presence was consuming. He took up all of Sasuke’s mind until there was nothing left.

Yes, it was summer. Itachi was still in high school. He’d been supposed to mind Sasuke while their parents were at work. But, he let Sasuke go over to Naruto’s house sometimes when Sasuke was too naggy. “Ok, ok,” he’d say, waving a dismissive hand without looking up. It took only that to get Sasuke bolting out the door and down the street. He would run,  _ fly  _ to Naruto’s house and be there in ten minutes flat. Chest heaving, Sasuke would beat on the door until Minato greeted him. “I thought you’d be here today,” he would say, or something like that. “It’s such a nice day. Why don’t you kids—”

Naruto would push past Minato’s legs and out of the door, knocking himself and Sasuke onto the grass. “Now, Naruto, I told you to be careful,” Minato would scold him halfheartedly. Naruto ignored his father completely and stood quickly. He’d shake the grass off of himself, and offer Sasuke his small hand to take. Sasuke would lay his own small hand over Naruto’s and allow himself to be helped up. “We’ll be back soon, Dad!” Never letting go, never looking back, Naruto would take Sasuke into the woods on the side of the house, and they’d play make believe. Pirates, or knights, some kind of fairytale. Naruto would always find a way to climb a tree, and he’d always fall. After hours, when the sun began to set behind the treeline, Naruto and Sasuke would return to Naruto’s house, where there would be dinner waiting for them. Then, they’d go up to Naruto’s room, to count and compare their scratches and bruises. Sasuke’s mother would come pick him up shortly thereafter; sometimes she’d already be there, to visit Kushina. His father was a lot happier back in those days. Sasuke  _ liked  _ being home.

Sasuke had been familiar with that. But there had been a day when it didn’t quite go like that.

Sasuke had been waved off by Itachi as usual, and he’d ran as hard as he could to Naruto’s house as usual. They played in the woods like usual. But today, they played a game they’d never played before, a different fantasy.

“Today, I wanna play something else,” Sasuke had said. His sweaty hand was still in Naruto’s, they’d just finished running. Naruto pulled his hand from Sasuke’s and used it to lean against a tree, to catch his breath. 

“Oh yeah? Play what?” Sasuke copied Naruto’s stance as he spoke breathlessly.

“Itachi told me about it, it’s a game him and his friends play. They call it… truth or dare?” Sasuke smiled the same small smile to see Naruto’s face light up. “Oh, I’ve heard of that! On the TV shows my parents tell me not to watch.” Naruto pushed a finger into his chin in thought. “But, they usually play it with more people.”

Sasuke shrugged. He knew Naruto was right, but it was important to him. “We don’t  _ have  _ more people. Do you wanna play, or not? We can just do monsters again. If you’re  _ chicken _ .” Sasuke saw a fire light behind Naruto’s eyes. He held his fist menacingly at Sasuke and waved it around. “I’m not chicken!” Naruto screeched. “We can play, just us, don’t ya know!”

“Hmph. That’s what I thought.”

Sasuke let Naruto lead the way to the place they liked to sit and rest; two stumps close together, one slightly taller than the other, worn down from them sitting upon them so many times before. Sasuke let Naruto sit on the taller one, because Naruto was shorter than him. They faced on another, and took a moment to finish catching their breath. “Ok, you start!” Naruto’s face was like the sun as he yelled and pointed a finger in Sasuke’s direction.

Sasuke shook his head. “Me! Why me?” Sasuke jabbed a thumb at his own sternum.

“Because,” Naruto said, sitting taller and leaning closer, “it was your idea.”

Sasuke crossed his arms. “Neh, should be you, since you almost chickened out.” He turned his face from Naruto and turned his nose up into the air. Naruto didn’t take the bait. When Sasuke cracked his eyes open, he saw Naruto with a bored expression on his face. Sasuke dropped his act and his shoulders sagged. “Fine. Truth or dare?” 

Naruto looked up at the canopy of trees above them and tapped the back of his foot against the stump. “Dare!” Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Big surprise. Ok, I dare you to, uh…” Sasuke looked around himself and spotted a smattering of beetles sitting on a tree branch. He pointed at them with a smirk. “Eat one of them.” 

Naruto’s eyes followed Sasuke’s finger. He drew himself up farther onto his stump with a gasp. “No, heck no!  _ Eat?  _ I can’t do that.” Sasuke laughed. “You know what that makes you?”

Naruto scowled. “I am  _ not  _ a chicken! I am not! I’ll do it, I’ll do it!” Sasuke watched, highly amused, as Naruto jumped down from the stump. The ants beneath their feet scattered for a moment, before finding their paths again. Naruto wandered over to the branch Sasuke had pointed out, where there were three or four beetles roaming its expanse. Sasuke bit his lip to keep from laughing as he watched Naruto’s hand shake in the air above the beetle. In three swift movements, Naruto had pinched the beetle tight between his thumb and index finger, picked it up harshly, and bitten its body off. Sasuke busted out laughing then, because Naruto had thrown the beetle, and he was spitting and wiping his tongue on his shirt which he clutched in his fist. 

Sasuke thought Naruto might cry, but instead he began laughing too. “It wasn’t even that bad!” he said defiantly, sticking his tongue out at Sasuke. Sasuke thought he could distinctly see one of the beetle’s legs there. It made Sasuke’s skin crawl. “Stop being gross,” Sasuke said, shoving Naruto away. 

They went on like that, each of them picking dare because who cared about telling the truth? Naruto made Sasuke run from where they were, to the street, and back again; Sasuke made Naruto wear his shirt inside out and walk on his hands on the forest floor; Naruto made Sasuke climb a tree and hand upside down as long as he could by his legs (he’d fallen off and promptly thrown up). Eventually, they grew exhausted from running and jumping around, and they each returned to their stumps.

“Ok, Sasuke. Last one, my dad will want us home soon.” Naruto was breathless as he spoke, his chest heaving.

The sun was setting at the very top of the trees, and the light was playing something beautiful in Naruto’s hair. Sasuke chewed his nails as he observed Naruto. He felt like, for the first time, he was  _ seeing  _ Naruto. His hair, so golden yellow but painted red by the beginnings of the dusk. His eyes, so blue Sasuke wished to swim in them. His  _ face _ , beaming at him, focusing on him, like he was the most special and interesting boy. Sasuke’s face was beginning to grow red. What was this feeling? He didn’t have a name for it, or a grasp on it. It was fleeting, or, it used to be. He was feeling it more every time they came out here, alone, just the two of them. Now, it was threatening to consume him. Naruto leaned forward. 

“Truth or dare, Sasuke?”

Sasuke looked at his wrecked nail beds and then shoved them back in his mouth. His eyes tilted toward the sky then, and the scene before them. The forest was sounding all around them. Bugs and birds all singing their nighttime songs. Sasuke looked back to Naruto, caught his gaze. Sasuke felt like he wanted to hold Naruto’s hand, or something. He shook off the feeling. Very strange he’d want to hold Naruto’s hand longer than he had to; his hands were sweaty! Sasuke felt an acorn hit his forehead. “What was that for, idiot?!”

“You’re taking too long.” Naruto crossed his arms, and his face was angry, but his voice was soft, such a strange contrast that Sasuke was taken aback. “Oh, uh… truth.”

Naruto nodded a small nod. “I thought you’d say that.” He seemed to be really thinking, so Sasuke was patient. He leaned down and picked up a rock from the base of his stump. It was white, and smooth. Almost a perfect circle. It reminded Sasuke of the full moon. Naruto cleared his throat to get Sasuke’s attention.

“Is it true that you like Sakura? She’s been telling everyone that you’re her boyfriend, everyone believes her. But I wanted to ask you, instead of going with what other people say. Is it true?” Naruto’s eyes held some emotion Sasuke was too young to understand. 

Sasuke shook his head fiercely, rock forgotten, and his fist flew in the air. “No! I told her to stop saying that! I would never be her boyfriend.” Sasuke felt something nagging him, tugging his sleeve in his mind. Again, he was feeling something he didn’t quite understand. He just knew that it was special, and grown up. It hurt his head to think about it, so Sasuke pushed it out of his mind.

“Really? Why not?” Naruto’s thumb muffled his words. Sasuke had to look away for a moment. Eventually, he just shrugged. “Dunno. She’s just not my type.” Hopefully that made sense to Naruto, he was kind of dense sometimes. 

But Naruto just shrugged, and moved as though he was going to leave. Sasuke reached out and caught Naruto’s wrist. Why did it feel like he was sticking his hand into fire? 

“Oh, no, you don’t. You have one more, too!” Naruto’s eyes were wide with surprise at Sasuke’s audacity. He pulled his thumb from his mouth and wiped his hand on his shirt, which was still inside out. He let Sasuke keep hold of his wrist. “Fine, hurry up!”

“Truth or dare?”

“Truth,” Naruto yawned.

Sasuke fidgeted with his belt loops. These pants didn’t fit. Ok, focus. “Um… is it true that, that I am your best friend, forever?”

Naruto scoffed. “Come on, Sasuke, I thought it would be a good one! Of course you are! You’re the only person I ever want to talk to for the rest of my life. I want to invite you over every day, it’s basically like living with you. I tell you all my secrets, and you tell me all of yours, we think the same, we feel the same, there’s not one thing I don’t trust you with. And I think it’ll be that way forever. I mean, where would we be without each other? I don’t even remember who I was before I met you. I don’t see myself ever getting tired of you being around.”

It was that memory that Sasuke had held onto for these last eight, ten years. And when he’d realized that the feelings were a lot more intense than best friendship, he’d remembered that.  _ I think it’ll be that way forever.  _ When Naruto looked at him a little too long, or talked about him, shared with him, he’d remembered it.  _ Where would we be without each other? _ And later, when Naruto had started dating Hinata, and Sasuke had felt like something inside his chest was tearing up into shreds, he’d remembered it.  _ I don’t remember who I was before you. _ When Naruto’s eyes had seemed so panicked at the lake, his hand caressing the back of Sasuke’s head, he’d just barely thought about it.  _ I don’t see myself ever getting tired of you being around. _

Sasuke tread across the grass slowly. It was wet, and the bottoms of his long pajama pants would be wet,  too. That was something Sasuke almost remembered, from another moment in time. Time. Fickle.

Sasuke cracked his knuckles once he got to the latticework Naruto had mentioned. He’d never seen it before, but now was not the time to marvel over the subtle differences in Naruto’s house. When Sasuke looked up, he saw Naruto was at the window, gazing back down at him. He was leaning on his hands which were gripping the windowsill. He moved one of his hands to cup his mouth. “Come up here, I’ll help you in.”

Sasuke’s eyebrows drew together as his eyes traced his path up, and he sighed. This was so stupid. Sasuke shook his head. Only for Naruto. Sasuke curled his fingers into the crisscrossing wooden slats and hoisted himself up them, little by little. He felt way too heavy to be doing this, like he’d fall backwards and break his fucking neck or something. He forced himself not to think about that fact. It was hot, too, way too hot. He was sweating by the time he got to the top.

When Sasuke peaked his eyes over the edge of the window, he saw Naruto had stepped back. Naruto noticed him and went back to the window. He offered Sasuke one hand. 

“Naruto.” 

“Sorry.”

Sasuke waited until he saw both of Naruto’s hands sticking out of the window, and he allowed himself to be dragged into the room. Naruto let go as soon as Sasuke’s waist was inside, leaving Sasuke to fall face first onto the floor. “Shit, sorry.”

Sasuke sat up and leaned his back against the wall underneath the window, coughing and rubbing at the side of his face. Naruto let him alone to recover himself.

Sasuke’s head hurt, his fingernails hurt, his chest hurt. There was something in him thumping crazily, like a caged animal. Some feeling, it was. Sasuke hated himself for being so emotional. Only Naruto could make him feel this way. 

Naruto had gone to sit on his bed, and his back was to Sasuke. Sasuke still could see Naruto’s body shaking from his shoulders on down. The light of the moon illuminated the room, and the hot wind blowing in from the open window fogged up Sasuke’s judgement. He stood and joined Naruto on the bed. From the angle, Sasuke could see why Naruto’s body had been shaking. He was crying, again. Sucking his thumb, wiping his face.

“D-do you want another sh-shirt? You kinda sweat through th-that one.” Sasuke could feel the shirt sticking to his chest and back, but he wasn’t going to say anything. “Oh, uh, ok?” Sasuke knew where Naruto kept his shirts in his drawers. As he pulled his sweat-soaked shirt over his head, he knew that the inevitable was happening. He threw his shirt over his shoulder and picked blindly from the ones shoved into the drawer with no organization. When he looked down at his chest, he recognized this shirt. And not because he’d seen it on Naruto before.

Sasuke went back to the bed then, and this time he felt the need to sit closer to Naruto. It was the strangest and strongest attraction Sasuke had felt yet. He sat so close to Naruto that their thighs touched, Sasuke’s covered one with Naruto’s bare one. Naruto didn’t pull away. He leaned against Sasuke’s body, and Sasuke accepted this. Naruto seemed to be trying not to cry anymore, but he was failing. Sasuke looked down at Naruto without moving his head. He saw Naruto’s golden hair, bathed in the white light of the moon. The room was hot and getting hotter, and it had nothing to do with the hot breeze blowing into the window. 

“What happened?” Sasuke’s voice was weak, but Naruto’s was weaker. His face was pushed into Sasuke’s neck, and Sasuke’s arms had come up to wrap around Naruto’s shoulders. Sasuke’s thumb was tracing circles over Naruto’s shoulder, over and over. He was doing it more to soothe himself than Naruto.

“Do you remember how I went and talked to Hinata, she said it was serious?” 

Sasuke nodded.

“Sh-she said that she loved me, w-would always l-love me, but—” Naruto cut himself off and shook his head, which made it so that it was tucked deeper into Sasuke’s neck. Sasuke could feel Naruto’s tears as they flowed forth from his heart. Sasuke’s chest was winding up, tighter and tighter, knotting over and over again. He didn’t like this feeling. 

Naruto attempted to begin again. “I lied before. She broke up with me,” he said. Sasuke’s eyes grew wide and he felt his whole body freeze. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to think. Sasuke felt out of place, here. He recognized this feeling. Without his permission, the words were coming out of his mouth.

“It’s gonna be ok, yeah? It’ll be fine, you’ll be fine.” Fuck,  _ fuck, _ there was no way he’d just heard himself say that shit. Naruto was still sobbing, and Sasuke remembered seeing this, too. He remembered the ache he felt in his feet right now, and the damp rings around his ankles because his pants were wet. Then he heard himself continue to speak, flustered and unsure. His voice cracked. “It isn’t the end of the world. You’ll be ok without her.”

That made Naruto laugh. Was it funny? Sasuke didn’t think he’d ever laugh again. Naruto pulled away from him then, and he was smiling. “I guess you’re right, about the world. I have a lot to do in it. I just don’t know what I’m gonna do without her. Can I be honest with you?”

_ Of course.  _ “Sure.”

Naruto gave a languid sigh. “I’ve been with her for so long, I just kinda stopped doing the things I used to do. So that I could hang out with her, you know. I don’t even really remember what I used to do.” Naruto played with his hands in his lap. Sasuke’s lips pursed. He was lucky Naruto’s face was against his chest, because he couldn’t control his expression of intense annoyance at that moment. 

“I’ll remind you,” Sasuke said. “Or, we can find new things for you to do.” 

Naruto nodded. “Yeah. I like that.” He laughed again. “I’m sort of surprised you actually came. Doesn’t seem like something you do.”

“What, help my best friend in his time of need?”

Naruto shook his head. “No, no. Sneak out of your window.” Sasuke chewed his lip before faking his own laugh, and letting that smile cross his face.  _ If only you knew.  _ He shrugged. “Oh. Trust me, you’re the only person I’d ever sneak into a window for.” He was lying through his teeth, but he wished it was true. He wished that he’d never been the person he’d been before, when he’d been trying to hide how he felt from himself and the world. He was lying to himself back then, touching those girls, and he  _ knew  _ he was lying. Whenever there was some poor girl with her mouth on him, he’d be imaging Naruto. And whenever their nails dug into his back, he imagined Naruto. And whenever he was inside them, fucking them mercilessly, hoping to feel something, anything besides the obvious, he imagined Naruto. For fuck’s sake, Naruto thought Sasuke was a virgin, and he wanted to keep it that way forever.

Naruto believed his lies, just like he always did. “I am honored,” he said. Suddenly, Naruto was pulling himself away from Sasuke’s hold, to look at him.  _ Really  _ look at him, stare at his eyes. It was just like Sasuke’s dreams, except those were in the daylight and it wasn’t so secret and wrong. No, this was more like the vision, as much as Sasuke hated to admit it. Sasuke felt Naruto’s fingers in his hair, and they sat like that for a while, with Sasuke holding his breath. He wanted Naruto to say something first, because he had the feeling he was reading the situation completely wrong.

“Thank you,” Naruto breathed. Sasuke still held his breath, because he’d rather Naruto have it. There was a silence, and then Sasuke finally said, “For what?”

“For being the only person who I can trust.” 

Naruto’s hold on Sasuke’s hair got tight, and Sasuke took in a sharp breath. He saw something in Naruto’s face, something behind his eyes that was sinister, but incredible. Too much tension. He was troubled, thinking things he clearly wasn’t sure about. Sasuke had to escape, he couldn’t possibly survive this. 

“Do you wanna, um…” Sasuke’s eyes wandered. He didn’t even know where he was going with his sentence. 

“What?” Naruto’s voice might have been a whistle on the breeze.

“Sleep, it’s getting really late,” Sasuke said abruptly. “I’ll just take the floor, yeah. It’ll be easier for me to get out that way.” Sasuke shifted until Naruto released him, and he made for the door so fast that he almost tripped. 

Sasuke leaned against the wall next to the door and slid down it until he hit the floor. He didn’t want to touch himself, he didn’t trust himself. He didn’t want to be seen right now. He hadn’t  _ seen  _ the part after Naruto’s hands on him, so he didn’t know what to expect. Sasuke hadn’t even processed what had happened, let alone the fact that he had already seen it happen. 

Now he knew. The ‘her’ in the situation was indeed Hinata. And she’d broken up with Naruto, but Sasuke had forgotten to ask why. Did he want to know? He  _ needed  _ to, whether he wanted to or not. And he’d really done it. He’d really walked all this way, with no shoes on, climbed into Naruto’s window, and had made that vision come true. There was nothing he could have done differently; he couldn’t have told Naruto he wouldn’t help; he couldn’t have made himself say different words; he couldn’t have made himself, above all, feel different feelings. This was what was supposed to happen. Ok, fine. Why did Sasuke get to see it before it happened? Was he some sort of chosen one, some kind of special hero? 

No. 

He was just a tired boy in a hallway who would do anything for the tired boy in that bedroom. Sasuke took his time, caught his breath, and then clenched his hand into a fist. He’d just go to sleep, and then act like it never happened. Because it didn’t. And even if it did, it was a fluke. Just as fast as he’d tried to come to terms with it, it stopped making sense again. There was no way Sasuke was seeing the future. It was just, every detail of his dream had been right, from the sounds of his voice, to the feelings that had been flowing inside of him, to the ache of his feet, to the wet of his ankles, to the fact that he’d changed his shirt. Whatever. It wasn’t real.

Sasuke dug through the closet where he knew there would be his favorite blanket to sleep with when he came over here. It was big and fluffy and blue, and it smelled like Naruto. Sasuke inhaled the smell of the blanket into his lungs, into his psyche, before padding back to Naruto’s room. Naruto was already on his way to sleep, but as Sasuke rounded the edge of the bed, he saw that Naruto had set him up a comforter and pillow on the floor. So thoughtful.

Sasuke thought Naruto was sleeping, but he had to ask. He needed to know. Sasuke released his lip from his teeth and turned his body to Naruto’s bed. He could see the light of Naruto’s was phone illuminating his face. So he was awake.

“Naruto?” 

Naruto’s attention turned to Sasuke’s direction. “Hm?” He wiggled until he could see Sasuke better in the dark. Sasuke felt blinded just by being looked at by Naruto. Like looking at the sun. But you can’t help yourself, when you know the sun is a star. You wonder what  goes on inside the sun, but you’ll never know. Naruto squinted at Sasuke with impatience. “What is it?”

“Why’d she do it? I mean… what was her reason?”

“Oh.” Naruto leaned back then and his eyes scanned the ceiling. His face expressed that he didn’t want to talk about this. “Uh… she said that we weren’t spending any time together, anymore, and when we were I was always worried about something else. That it didn’t feel the same.” Naruto’s eyes fell back on Sasuke then, and he took the hint.  _ Oh.  _ He was the something else. Naruto had been spending so much time with him, with Sasuke, that Hinata had decided it would be better to  _ break his heart  _ than to deal with how it hurt her. Sasuke knew better than anyone that you can’t live without the sun. They weren’t even doing anything but hanging out and doing homework and eating and sleeping over one another’s homes and Naruto was taking care of him. It was all friendly. And, ok, she could have really invited herself if she’d wanted to. Sasuke wouldn’t have been happy about it one bit, but if she’d wanted Naruto’s attention, couldn’t she have just done the same things she’d been doing before?

But then, Sasuke realized. He had become to Hinata what she had been to him: someone who took from her the most important person’s attention. He would always feel so lost when Naruto left him to go be with her. Like, how? How could he? Was their time not special, too? Did Naruto not want to spend every second with Sasuke, as Sasuke did with Naruto? Of course not. But it was different with Hinata, because Naruto had committed to her in more ways than one. He’d spoken of their bond, and acted upon it. They were  _ together _ , while he and Sasuke were just friends. He didn’t owe Sasuke any of his attention. But, oh. How he’d been acting like it.

Sasuke was selfish, and he was glad that Naruto was picking him over Hinata. It was what he deserved. He had been the one who had been there for him, and he’d never make Naruto feel this way, all weak and shaky and weepy. Sasuke was only there to help Naruto realize his potential to be the greatest human on the planet, and to show him how much he… loved him. Love. The power behind the word was staggering. 

“I’m sorry,” is what Sasuke said. He was thinking about Hinata was a fucking idiot for letting Naruto slip through her fingers.

“It’s like you said,” Naruto said, offering a small wavering smile. “It isn’t the end of the world.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today is my dads birthday so instead of talking to him,,, i write to cope
> 
> this one is a little more angsty than the last. also, i suppose what could be interpreted as a suicide attempt, though sasuke is stupid. still, TW! take care of yourself and don’t read it if it will upset you, im begging you!

It had been two months since Naruto and Hinata had broken up. The school year had ended at that point, and it was the summer before their senior year. At the beginning, Naruto had been a complete wreck. Sasuke was not a nurturing man —he only took care of his snake, and his mother sometimes when his father was on a rampage— but he took care of Naruto. (Never mind the fact that he had his own bruises to tend to; Naruto was so much more important.) He didn’t care what his father thought about him spending such an excessive amount of time with Naruto, because Naruto needed him to be there.

This was the first time he’d ever seen Naruto… need someone. There had been moments in the past when Naruto clearly needed help with something, but he’d never admitted to it. Naruto just wasn’t the kind of boy to do that, to ask people to worry about him. Sasuke never had to be forced, though. He woke up thinking about Naruto and went to sleep thinking about Naruto and dreamed about Naruto. It was quite nearly embarrassing, how much Sasuke was into Naruto. And now, he got to indulge himself in his emotions. Did that make it healthy? No. 

Sasuke had tried to make good on his promise to Naruto, to remind him of the things he used to like before he was with Hinata. They went out to eat, and they stayed in the house, they played video games, they bothered Itachi in his garden, they bothered Kushina in her office, they studied maps, they drove around with no real aim. Sasuke tried to acquaint himself with Naruto’s toads but would always resent them because one of them had killed Manda. Naruto hated Aoda and would make no exceptions about it.

It was so  _ easy,  _ to be with Naruto and do things with him. To watch him smile, to hear him laugh. It reminded Sasuke of a simpler time.

Naruto needed him, he even said so himself. “I don’t know how I’d get through this on my own,” he said, while he and Sasuke were hanging around Naruto’s car after school. They stood on this side of the lot now, because Hinata could always be found around the other side, where Sasuke’s car usually was. They’d done that until the school year had ended, and now it was just a habit. Sasuke’s car was next to Naruto’s now, but it wouldn’t have felt the same. It was after soccer conditioning, and Sasuke had spent that whole time sitting in the stands, waiting for Naruto as patiently as possible. It was all very boring, watching them do the same drills over and over and over again. Sasuke took the time to finish some essays he’d been putting off for college. 

Now, they were about to go to Sasuke’s house for the day. Fugaku was paying so much attention to Itachi these days, that Sasuke was slipping through the cracks of his attention. He wasn’t even home, right now. Sasuke had Naruto over four times over this summer so far, and he didn’t think his father had noticed even once. His mother was just as into him as ever, but he appreciated her attention a lot more than his father’s. 

Sasuke had been thinking, lately, about his vision. So it had ‘come true,’ ok. He had been thinking about how to prove it, whether or not it was a fluke. He knew there was only one way to find out, but he was scared. The first time had been an accident. What if he accidentally killed himself, trying to get a glimpse of his and Naruto’s future? He didn’t want to admit to himself that that was a risk he was willing to take, but just having that thought was an admission.

“Is your mom cooking?” Naruto’s hair was still wet from his shower, and he had a towel slung around his neck. He looked like a movie character, like the classic athlete. Like, a real jock. Sasuke’s eyes drifted to Naruto’s waist and he saw that Naruto had untucked his jersey from his shorts. He looked tousled, so mussed, and yet so put together. Sasuke felt his knees quiver when he saw Naruto’s biceps flexing. 

“Sasuke? Are you feeling ok?” 

Sasuke raised his eyes back to Naruto’s and tried vainly to keep his face from growing red. Well, it was already red because he was wearing all black and the sun was as high in the sky as it could get. He tried to keep his blush from reaching down to his neck and up to the tips of his ears, but it was in vain. 

“Sorry, yeah, I’m fine. She’s cooking, yeah. She’s probably already started.” Sasuke felt so dumb and obvious, but as obvious as he was, Naruto was oblivious. 

Naruto grinned and threw a fist in the air. “Yes!” Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Stop being obnoxious.” Naruto got all into Sasuke’s personal space then, wiggling his eyebrows just like he had that day at the lake, different dumb reason but with the same dumb sentiment. “Ah, you love it.”

Sasuke didn’t know how Naruto didn’t hear his heart beating against his ribcage. He thought the strength of it might knock him over. “Fuck off,” Sasuke said, pushing Naruto away so that his back hit the passenger’s side door of Sasuke’s car. Sasuke almost said sorry, Naruto looked taken aback. He momentarily didn't know what to do, but his confusion fell from his face just as fast as it had come. It was replaced with something a little dark, and out of place on Naruto’s sunny face.

“So that’s how you wanna play? You’re lucky there’s so many people out here,” Naruto said, his tone as well as his eyes getting low. Sasuke felt a stirring in his pants and made himself punch Naruto firmly in the shoulder. 

“You’re such a loser. Stop threatening me, or I’ll tell your mom,” Sasuke quipped. He threw a quick prayer up that his voice didn’t sound as cracked as his resolve. What were they doing? This was a new kind of banter, Sasuke wasn’t familiar with how to counter it. Being aggressive only seemed to make it worse, but it was the only defense Sasuke had. This would be a long night.

Mikoto greeted Sasuke and Naruto with the biggest, sweetest smile. “Son, Naruto! So happy to see you. Oh, Naruto, you’ve just come from practice?” Mikoto wiped her hands on her apron as she came out of the kitchen. “Sasuke, your father is still at work, on his trip,” she said. She came close to him, and, as she always did, ran her hands over him. From his hair to the back of his neck to his face, down to his chin, and finally resting on his shoulders. She was admiring him, inspecting him. He was used to it now, and waited as patiently as possible for her to finish. “Don’t stay up too late, ok? And… I’m glad you’re home, today.”

“Yeah, ok, come on,” Sasuke pulled at Naruto’s arm, tugging him in the direction of his room. “We’ll be back when it’s finished,” Sasuke said over his shoulder. He saw Mikoto shake her head hopelessly. 

In Sasuke’s room, he first threw down his bag, and then went to check on his snake. He was a lot more active in the summer. Sasuke was very interested in his Aoda when he actually moved and didn’t just sit on his rock all day. Manda had been old when Sasuke got him, so he was definitely prone to rock sitting. 

Naruto laid upon Sasuke’s bed, with the towel underneath his head so that he didn’t wet Sasuke’s pillow (it wasn’t like he didn’t have 15 more, but Naruto was thoughtful).

“Sasuke.” His back was to Naruto, and Sasuke winced. He didn’t like the tone Naruto was directing at him. It was all  _ excited  _ and  _ cheerful  _ and Sasuke knew what this was about. 

“Yes?” He humored Naruto only because he didn’t want to fight. 

“You know what tomorrow is, right?” Sasuke turned his chair around so that he was facing Naruto’s annoying face. He sighed in exasperation and leaned back. 

“Tomorrow is Tuesday.”

Naruto sat up with the towel thrown over his head. “Your  _ birthday,  _ Sasuke, your 17th birthday.” 

Sasuke snorted. “I never would have guessed.”

Naruto rolled his eyes. “Don’t be that way, Sasuke, it’s important! You  _ know  _ how important it is.” 

Sasuke grimaced. “Is it?” He leaned his head against his arm that was resting on his desk. 

Naruto cared about Sasuke’s birthday 100% more than Sasuke did. Naruto’s whole family did. They threw Sasuke a birthday party every year. At first, Sasuke had only loved it, and it had further cemented his feeling that he was meant to be with them, as a member of their family. But then, as he got older, Sasuke realized that while it felt good to be with them all, there was a void that grew bigger every year. His family was supposed to do that, not someone else’s. It was his mother and his father that he was supposed to be woken up by and given something,  _ anything.  _ That was why Mikoto had said she was glad Sasuke was home; this was the first time in years he’d even considered being home. His father wasn’t even here, wouldn’t be back in town for at least two or three more days. He wondered if his  father knew how old he was. And he wondered if Mikoto realized that the only reason he’d come home was because he’d brought Naruto with him. The best birthday present of all was to have Naruto’s smile, Naruto’s attention. He would still go over to Naruto’s house later tomorrow, but  _ later _ . 

“It is,” Naruto said, crossing his arms. He looked ridiculously childish with the towel on his head. “You know how I feel about your birthday.” 

Sasuke moved his hand to mimic a mouth. “Blah blah blah. It doesn’t matter. 16 and 17 are, like, the same thing. Nothing compared to your birthday this year, you’re going to be an adult.” 

“Yeah, well. I’ve done a lot more adult things, so it’s not so outlandish.” Naruto’s tone was far too smug and matter of fact. 

Sasuke hated that he liked it. 

“Uh, like what? I can’t think of one thing. You’ve never worked a day in your life, you don’t know anything about the economy, and I know you haven’t applied to a single school,” he said, listing off the reasons on his fingers. Sasuke was beginning to grow interested in the conversation, despite himself. 

Naruto threw the towel on the floor indignantly. “Excuse me? I went to work with my Mom one day, I’ll have you know.” Sasuke rolled his eyes as Naruto continued. “I’m not talkin’ about stuff like that, nerd.” There it was, that dark look again. Could Sasuke breathe, for just one second? Fuck. He coughed awkwardly but wouldn’t let his confidence seem shot. Even if it completely was. The thing is, he knew what Naruto was getting at, and it was not a conversation Sasuke wanted to have with him. Over his dead body would he voluntarily bring up sex with Naruto, or so he thought. He didn’t know what was getting into him, lately.

“What kinda stuff, then?”

Naruto seemed satisfied that Sasuke had taken his bait. “You know. Sneak out, get high, get drunk, and not just buzzed. Like, black out. One year at the lake, when it was just me and Sakura and…” Sasuke saw a minute change in Naruto’s expression, but he ploughed on with the story. “And, ya know,  _ her,  _ Sakura had gotten into her parents liquor cabinet, and oh, man. You shoulda been there. There’s nothing like it, being fucked up with the people you care about most. There’s a safety in it, I don’t know.”

Naruto droned on and on about how cool and awesome it feels to be drunk with your friends, but Sasuke was stuck on one sentence, one part of one sentence.  _ The people you care about most.  _ And he hadn’t been there, but Hinata had? Of fucking course, yeah. Whatever. Hinata was his girlfriend at that time. Sasuke was just his friend. His best friend, but what did that mean?

“And!” Naruto interjected his own speech to exclaim, “I’ve done  _ it _ before.” 

Sasuke scoffed. “ _ Done it _ , you’re such a loser. I can’t believe you.” Sasuke didn’t want to lie, but Naruto looked as though he was going to push it. 

“You’re one to talk.” 

“No, I’m not.”

“I just meant, like, since you haven’t… done it.” 

Sasuke grit his teeth. He wanted to snark back and remark that Naruto had no idea what he was talking about, but he didn’t. Instead, he rubbed his chin with his first two fingers and shrugged. “I guess you’re right.”

“Have you ever thought about it?” Naruto leaned over the side of the bed to retrieve his towel and place it back atop his head. 

Sasuke shrugged again, the image of nonchalance. “I mean, who hasn’t? No one has, ah, piqued my interest. Let’s say it like that.”

Naruto nodded, like he could completely understand that. “I get it. Before Hinata,” Naruto sort of spit out her name, “I felt the same way. There was no girl I was even remotely interested in, in that way.” 

Sasuke was desperate to change the subject. Anything so that he was thinking about the girls, and the one boy, he’d been fucking for years in secret, or the fact that he had lied to Naruto about it, and was still lying to him about it every second he didn’t tell him. “Have you been applying to schools like I said, Naruto?”

An uninterested expression came upon Naruto’s face. “Yes, who cares? I’m gonna go to KU on a soccer scholarship. We’ve been over this. Figure out what I wanna study junior year, and that’ll be that.”

Sasuke grimaced “That’s really what you want to do with yourself? You’re lying.” Sasuke knew that, more than anything, Naruto wanted to get  _ out  _ of here. He was obsessed with traveling and maps and the world. It was one of those things Sasuke knew about Naruto that no one else took the time to. Ever since they’d had to name all the states in 4th grade and Naruto had seen a colorized political map of the country, that was the day Naruto’s obsession started. Every once in a while, Naruto would say something random about the topography of Wyoming, or the borders of Utah, or the elevation level of Seattle versus Savannah, or something like that, that Sasuke didn’t care about, but he loved to hear because that was Naruto, in his essence. One of his  _ real  _ interests.

“Stop trying to change the subject,” Naruto said, his grin coming back in full force. “There’s no one at all that you think about, ya know, going that far with? No girls, no  _ boys? _ ” Sasuke spluttered. “What? Boys? What do you even  _ mean _ by that, I don’t—”

Naruto almost fell off the bed from how hard he was laughing. “The look on your face! I wish I’d taken a picture. Whew, oh, oh man.” Naruto wiped his eyes with the back of his hand as he caught his breath. “Ok, ok. But seriously, you can’t tell me that you haven’t thought about it. I’ve seen the way that you used to look at, uh, what’s his name? He’s friends with Ino, and Chouji?”

“Shikamaru?”

“Yeah, him, yeah! I’ve seen the  _ eyes  _ you’ve given him.” Sasuke wished that he was dead. That the ground would just eat him up, and not even bother to spit him out. 

“You can’t tell me you haven’t thought about it,” Naruto said. Memories from years ago came flooding to Sasuke’s brain; losing his virginity to that boy, sucking his dick for the first time, riding him countless times after he’d snuck through Sasuke’s window. All the lying, all the sneaking, and the thrill of it. Sasuke shook his head. “No, no way. He and I are just friends, acquaintances, really.”

(That was a lie.

Yes, Sasuke loved Naruto, would always love Naruto. He only wanted Naruto… to a point. There was something in him, in all of his friends, that desired to be touched, to be caressed, made to feel special. Sasuke hadn’t even been looking for it, Shikamaru had just sort of come around, worked his way into Sasuke’s life, into his consciousness.

They’d had an Economics class together, and had been assigned to complete a project together, some presentation on the Fed. A whole lot of stuff Sasuke was bored of and Shikamaru didn’t care to help with. At first, they’d been meeting at the library, but Sasuke had suggested that they started convening at his house, since it was a lot less noisy, and they’d gotten just about everything out of the library as they could.

There was one day, about a week into their working together, that Sasuke had caught Shikamaru looking at him. There was already tension between them, developing from the moment that they’d been paired together. Sasuke was eager to finish the project while also getting to know someone else in the class that he never spoke to, while Shikamaru seemed completely the opposite. He didn’t care about the project, which was annoying enough, and he also made no efforts to even be cordial when Sasuke spoke to him. All Sasuke knew was that Shikamaru had this on and off again thing with some girl named Temari that went to a different school, and that he was friends with Chouji and Ino.

So, whatever, he didn’t want to be Sasuke’s friend. But it went from that, to them actually insulting and belittling each other. Sasuke wasn’t sure if he was imagining it, but beneath the obvious animosity, there was something else culminating. Slowly, much slower than their annoyance with one another had come about. With every insult, every pissed off huff, every roll of their eyes, Sasuke thought he felt it. There was a heat, whenever Shikamaru called him stupid, or shoved him, or when Sasuke shoved him back. Oh, fuck, was it possible? Did Shikamaru feel it, too? Sasuke would shake it off every time. Or, he’d try to. His hand would always dig into his pants the moment he knew the coast was clear, and he sometimes he wouldn’t even bother to shove them down before he finished. He disgusted himself. Naruto,  _ Naruto,  _ what would Naruto think if he knew Sasuke was doing this? But Sasuke couldn’t stop himself from wanting more. And it was fine, it was normal, right? To have feelings and to want to act on them. It wasn’t even as though he had feelings for Shikamaru, he just wanted to  _ be  _ felt. 

Usually, Shikamaru would play it off if Sasuke caught him looking, say he was just zoned out on the spot that Sasuke happened to be in. But, this time, they just stared at one another, until Sasuke was the first one to look away. He cleared his throat and looked away, and forced his face to be angry.

“Sasuke?” His fingers stilled and he shivered. Shikamaru’s voice was raspy; he smoked. Sasuke looked up again, fixing Shikamaru with his best possible annoyed face. 

“What do you fucking want.” Not a question. 

Shikamaru dug underneath his fingernails and spoke with general disinterest. “Mm, nothing. I was just wondering, when are your parents getting home? And your brother?” Shikamaru’s low eyes caught Sasuke’s. 

“I don’t know, not any time soon,” Sasuke said with a shrug. He adjusted his glasses and went back to taping things onto the board. He felt Shikamaru get closer to him, heard him leaving the desk chair across the room, but he thought nothing of it. Imagine Sasuke’s surprise to feel Shikamaru’s body pressing against his, his hands all on Sasuke’s arm. Sasuke sucked in a sharp breath despite himself, and turned his head just slightly to see Shikamaru’s face. 

“Do you wanna try something?”

“S-something like what?”

Sasuke would never forget the smirk that played across Shikamaru’s lips. “Something… new.” Sasuke’s eyebrows furrowed. “New?”

Shikamaru’s hand trailed from Sasuke’s shoulder down to his elbow, which happened to be dangerously close to his thigh. “Have you ever given head before?”

Sasuke scoffed and jerked his arm away. “Of course I have, who hasn’t? We’re in tenth grade.”

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and gave a short huff. Sasuke felt it on his neck. “To a boy, have you done it with a boy?”

Oh.  _ Oh.  _ Sasuke shook his head slowly. Shikamaru, still smirking, placed his hand on Sasuke’s knee. “You ever wanted to?”

Sucking dick was a lot harder than the videos made it seem. Shikamaru was sitting on the edge of Sasuke’s bed, his back to the door, and Sasuke was on his knees between his legs. Looking at a dick in his face for the first time made Sasuke feel faint. He’d never, ever thought that he’d get this far with anyone. He didn’t have very much time to feel overwhelmed.

“You can get to it whenever you want,” Shikamaru said. For just a second, the tension in Sasuke’s mind was broken. Just a second. He nodded stupidly. “Oh, yeah, right.”

Sasuke’s hand shook as he wrapped his fingers around the base. Very thick, and so warm. Sasuke hadn’t imagined dick to be so hot to the touch. There was a big vein, right down the middle. Sasuke couldn’t take his eyes off of it. Shikamaru was watching him, too, though with much less intensity. Passive, like he’d zoned out.

Ok, Sasuke thought. Here goes nothing. He moved his hand over Shikamaru’s dick once, so fast that he jolted Shikamaru to attention. “Decided you’d start, then?” he said, his voice grating against Sasuke’s senses. Sasuke looked up at Shikamaru as he opened his mouth and wrapped his lips tentatively around the tip. It was slippery with precum, so Sasuke’s mouth slid over it faster than he was expecting it to. His teeth, what to do with his teeth?

Shikamaru sucked in a breath through his gritted teeth. “Ah, be careful,” he said. Sasuke pulled off fast and wiped the sides of his mouth. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, do you want me to stop?” Shikamaru shook his head. “No, no. Just, please be careful, yeah? Go slow.”

Sasuke nodded and willed himself to stop shaking so much. His free hand was shoved into his open jeans, and his fingers were sliding into his underwear, slowly. If he went too fast he’d stop paying attention to what he was doing. Sasuke took a deep breath and ran his tongue over the tip. Wetter was better, he knew that much from the videos. 

His fingers got tighter on the base as he opened his mouth again and took in the tip. This time, he was conscious of his teeth, and took great care to keep them off Shikamaru’s skin. It was  _ hard.  _ How do people do this for a living? How do people do this for  _ fun _ , for  _ love _ ? Fuck. Sasuke realized he also couldn’t breathe. He moved his mouth over Shikamaru’s dick slowly, up and down. One two three one two three. If he kept going like that, maybe he’d get the hang of it. 

Sasuke was just getting used to the feeling of having a cock on his tongue when Shikamaru’s fingers laced into his hair. He wanted to pull off again, ask if he was doing it wrong again, but when he attempted to, Shikamaru’s grip in his hair kept his head firmly in place. Sasuke turned his watering eyes up to Shikamaru, whose face was more expressive than Sasuke had ever seen. His mouth was open, lips parted just slightly, and his eyes were closed. He was really  _ feeling _ right now. Sasuke took this to mean he was doing the right thing. 

He kept at his slow pace, forcing himself to breathe in deep through his nose, reminding himself to keep his teeth tucked away. He was wiping his spit away, at first, but it eventually got to be too much to pay attention to. The hand in his pants was making quick movements over his own dick. Shikamaru started making  _ noise,  _ weak groans and huffs, and it sent Sasuke on a whirl. He was energized by it, he wanted to hear it. “Fuck, yeah,” Shikamaru moaned. His voice was shaky, but his grip was still so firm. Sasuke was making noise, too, little whimpers and moans, whenever he twisted his hand on his dick or when Shikamaru’s fingers twisted different in his hair. He found that he liked the feeling, of being bossed, of being made to do things.

“Let me, shit, let me do something,” Shikamaru said suddenly, after they’d been going like that for at least five whole fucking minutes. He let Sasuke up, and Sasuke nearly choked when he finally got control of himself. He gasped in a deep breath, and then spluttered the air back out. His mouth was spitty and wet, and he hadn’t even been conscious of that until that very moment. He stopped jerking himself off, and shifted slightly on his aching knees. “What?” His voice was on its way to wrecked. He almost didn’t recognize himself talking. 

“I want you to stay still, I’m gonna do the work.” 

Ok, yeah. That sounded easy enough. Sasuke could, like, take a break, he thought.

He  _ thought.  _

Sasuke took in a few more deep breaths, wiped his mouth once again, and then took Shikamaru’s cock back into his mouth. He bobbed his head once, twice, and then stopped when Shikamaru’s fingers told him to by holding his head in place. All was still, and when Sasuke looked up he saw Shikamaru’s face was laser focused on him. He felt his cheeks grow impossibly more red. Shikamaru started moving his hips forward, ever so slowly, until Sasuke let out an awful wretch and forced himself off. 

He was choking and spluttering so he barely heard Shikamaru trying to reassure him. “Hey, hey, it’s ok, I’ll go slower,” he said, his hand landing on Sasuke’s shoulder. Sasuke wiped his eyes. “D’you promise?” Shikamaru nodded. “Yeah, I promise.”

Sasuke nodded and opened his mouth. Shikamaru’s eyes were a little wide as he shifted forward, his hand wrapped around the base of his dick. Sasuke closed his eyes as he felt Shikamaru slide in again, this time a whole lot slower. When Shikamaru’s cock hit the back of his throat, Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut tighter as a shiver ran violently up his spine. Breathe, breathe. He could feel the tears streaking down his face. 

Sasuke’s knees hurt. Every time Shikamaru’s dick hit his throat, he shuddered, until he eventually got used to it. He was close, himself, and the hand on his dick only went faster whenever he heard Shikamaru praise him, or make more sounds. Sasuke flicked his thumb over the slit at the top of his cock, over and over, until he was almost choking because of his moaning. Sasuke tried to hold off, so he started jerking himself off in time with the rhythm of Shikamaru’s hips. 

Everything felt so  _ hot _ . Sasuke’s face was hot, his hand was hot, his hair was hot, his ears were hot. His throat was throbbing, but Shikamaru only sped up. By the way he was mumbling, Sasuke thought he might be close. He just kept uttering, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” over and over. If Sasuke listened hard, he could hear the sound of Shikamaru’s cock sliding in and out of his mouth, so wet. 

Shikamaru’s movements began to be less calculated and a lot more sloppy. He was beginning to lose it. Sasuke felt himself losing it, too. He couldn’t make himself keep any sort of pace. He felt a surge of heat every time Shikamaru spoke, every time he told him how good he was doing, and how close he was. Shikamaru’s cock was twitching on Sasuke’s tongue, and it startled him enough to make him open his eyes. 

Shikamaru was watching him, his eyes so dark that Sasuke let out a long whine. He was grunting now, with every thrust into Sasuke’s throat. Sasuke’s hair was sweaty, but Shikamaru never lost hold of him. Sasuke tried to keep his eyes up, so that he could watch Shikamaru too, and then Sasuke saw him close his eyes, and he knew it was over. 

Sasuke didn’t even really know who came first. He felt the wet of his throat only become wetter as Shikamaru came down it, fast and hot. Sasuke felt himself spilling all over his fingers, and he didn’t bother to try to hide the fact that he’d done it. He tried to be good and swallow like in the videos, but it was the most  _ jarring  _ taste he’d ever encountered. Besides, of course, dick itself. Sasuke pulled off Shikamaru’s dick with a popping sound. He coughed until he was wheezing, and he didn’t even care that some of Shikamaru’s cum had shot out onto his face. 

It took a long time before either of them recovered. Sasuke moved back off of his knees, and he just sat there breathing, coughing, and looking down at his hand. He had cum all over his hand and underwear. His eyes trailed over himself a few more times, and then to where he’d been kneeling. There were little dribbles of cum still on his face, at the corner of his mouth, but he hardly cared. Sasuke looked at Shikamaru then, and saw he had tucked himself back into his pants and had fallen back into Sasuke’s bed. Sasuke could see Shikamaru’s chest heaving. 

“How… did I do?” Never had Sasuke felt so fucking  _ fretful _ . Shikamaru sat up then and leaned on his elbows. 

His answer was not at all what Sasuke was expecting. “I almost don’t believe you’ve never done that before.”

And Sasuke did it plenty of times after that. Eventually, Shikamaru returned the favor. Long after they’d turned in their presentation, for months, they were sneaking around with each other. Mostly right after school, when most everyone knew they either had practice or meetings or something. It was only whenever Shikamaru and Temari were  _ off _ ; when they were on, Sasuke avoided even passing Shikamaru in the hallways. But in their time together, Sasuke got a lot better about swallowing; Shikamaru always had Sasuke coming undone in less than ten minutes. It was hard to keep up appearances that they hated one another, when behind closed doors they were choking on each other’s dicks.

The first time they’d fucked was in Shikamaru’s car. Sasuke had convinced his parents that Shikamaru was a ‘bro,’ someone that Sasuke hung around with and watched sports and did ‘dude’ things with. His parents were fine to let him stay out at all hours with the boy as such, because what could they possibly be getting into? Boys will be boys, Fugaku said.

“Oh, fuck.” 

The windows were fogging up because of Sasuke’s open-mouthed moaning. They were in some empty, abandoned parking lot, some place that no one would ever think to disturb them. 

Shikamaru’s mouth was between Sasuke’s thighs. It was only the second time Shikamaru had eaten him out, but Sasuke already loved the feeling more than he liked anything else. He’d never let anyone touch him there, before Shikamaru. His slender fingers worked wonders over Sasuke’s cock as his tongue dipped in and out. Sasuke felt his thighs shaking already. 

“Are you sure, are you ready?” Shikamaru’s voice was breaking all over the place. They’d talked about it a few times, going this far, but Sasuke always chickened out before they got to it. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, he did. He’d been watching more videos, to learn how to be better, and he would be lying if he said he’d never wondered how it felt to have someone  _ inside  _ you. So this time, when Shikamaru had asked him slickly at his locker in P.E. (always sly, but never pressuring), Sasuke had given a small nod. Nothing else, just that, and that’s how they’d found themselves here. Sasuke nodded again, this time even more uncertain than before. 

Shikamaru climbed over Sasuke’s body. He leaned his weight on his hand which stuck itself into the upholstery next to Sasuke’s head. Shikamaru’s eyes were so intense that Sasuke had to look away. “Are you sure?” Sasuke nodded again, and then he felt Shikamaru’s fingers on his face, moving him so that he was looking at Shikamaru’s face. Sasuke hated that Shikamaru always took such good care of him. “We don’t have to, I can just finish you like that,” he said.

“Stop talking and fuck me,” Sasuke said. 

A smirk crossed Shikamaru’s face. “So you’re giving orders now? I don’t think so.” Shikamaru’s weight on top of Sasuke felt so familiar, and yet his body was still prickling. He could do this, he told himself, it’d be fine. Shikamaru’s fingers were beginning to push at Sasuke’s entrance, which was already slick with his spit. Sasuke parted his legs impossibly wider to allow Shikamaru access. With one hand, Sasuke gripped Shikamaru’s shirt to bring him in for a sloppy, barely-there kiss. The other reached up to slide underneath said shirt and grip Shikamaru’s slick skin.

Sasuke broke their kiss to groan when Shikamaru pushed two fingers inside of him. This was not new. Shikamaru was always fingering Sasuke, at the most inopportune times, it should be noted. In  _ public, _ in the car when they were in Sasuke’s driveway, and times like this. Sometimes, they waited for everyone to leave the locker room, and after Shikamaru made Sasuke cum from his fingers, Sasuke would blow him. Then they’d take a shower, and then they’d go and do something, like go the mall. Shikamaru had picked up on the fact that Sasuke really liked milkshakes from that one place.

Shikamaru’s fingers worked Sasuke open faster than he had anticipated. He was hoping to relish the feeling a little longer, but then he felt the third finger threatening its way in, and he gave a low sigh. Sasuke could feel Shikamaru’s cock against his thigh, hard and wet and messy. Sasuke wanted it. He opened his eyes to see Shikamaru’s were on him, as they always were. He was always watching, always taking notes.

“Do it,” Sasuke breathed. 

Shikamaru didn’t miss a beat. He slid his fingers from inside of Sasuke slowly, carefully. He scooted himself closer so that they were  _ really  _ right up on each other. Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut with apprehension as he felt Shikamaru shift one of Sasuke’s legs up so that he was holding onto the inside of Sasuke’s knee. “I don’t have… anything, I hope that’s ok. I’m clean, I promise.” Sasuke shrugged, his eyes still shut. Right now he didn’t want to think about the fact that Shikamaru fucked Temari when they were together, and who knows who else. Right now, he was just thinking about how he could still say no, there was still a way out—

Sasuke felt himself being torn apart from the bottom up, the inside out. Oh, it hurt so bad. He thought he was ready, but he realized all too fast that he’d never be ready for this. Sasuke tried to measure his breathing, inhale slow, exhale slow, to calm himself down and relax. To his credit, Shikamaru kept his head about him. He stopped when it seemed Sasuke couldn’t take it. He stroked Sasuke’s hair in a soothing rhythm. He leaned down to press small kisses on Sasuke’s face. Sasuke kept his eyes clamped shut until he could feel Shikamaru’s hips against his. Then, he leaned on his elbow to look at the place where their bodies met. Where Shikamaru was  _ inside  _ of him. 

“‘S it ok? You tell me when.” Sasuke hated how soft Shikamaru’s voice was. He just wanted to be wrecked, like in the videos, why was this all so emotional? Sasuke thought he could cry. But he didn’t. Instead, he grit his teeth and ran his hands over Shikamaru’s back underneath his shirt. 

Eventually, after breathing himself into forced state of relaxation, Sasuke gave a small nod. “I’m ready.” His lip caught between his teeth as he felt Shikamaru begin to move. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt. Sasuke wanted to tell him to stop, because there’s no way this was what he’d been seeing. 

Then, Shikamaru moved himself closer, and Sasuke felt it. He thought his eyes might fall out of his head. His breath was knocked out. Sasuke didn’t know what, but Shikamaru had touched  _ something  _ in him that made him want to scream. Sasuke’s fingers dug themselves into Shikamaru’s skin and he yelped. “What, is that good?”

Sasuke nodded weakly. His teeth were digging so hard into his lip that he thought he might bite it off. Shikamaru’s smirk came back. Sasuke really wanted to wipe it off, but he was in no place. Shikamaru pulled his hips back, and Sasuke felt every second of it, every inch of it. He gasped when Shikamaru thrusted in again, this time with so much force that Sasuke’s body shifted forward. Shikamaru adjusted his grip on Sasuke’s leg. “Be careful with my back, weirdo,”  Shikamaru said as a sort of warning before he started fucking into Sasuke harder.

Then, Sasuke really got it. He  _ got  _ it. Shikamaru was not playing around. Sasuke still felt every second, but now he liked it. His eyes slipped shut as his nails dug into Shikamaru’s skin. Shikamaru’s free hand was gripping his hip hard, so that Sasuke could feel his fingernails digging in deep, too. Shikamaru went so fast, so harsh. Sasuke could hear just as well as he could feel their hips slapping together. 

“Fuck, oh, fuck,” Sasuke whined. He threw his head back as far as it would go, which wasn’t very far because at this point his body was pushed up against the car door. Shikamaru’s mouth found Sasuke’s and they kissed, though it was sloppy and wet and Sasuke was mostly just breathing hard against Shikamaru’s lips. 

He’d never felt so full, and so needed, and so… worth it. This made Sasuke feel alive. The drag of dick in him, in and out and in and out and in, made Sasuke’s heart beat with new purpose. It was silly, really, on the surface. But, to Sasuke it just meant that he was right about himself all along. He couldn’t imagine feeling this way when he was fucking girls. No, being fucked for the first time was one of the pinnacles of Sasuke’s life, and he wanted to share it with everyone he knew. He wanted to shout it from the rooftops: “Look at me! Look at me!” Something in him was awake, now. Screaming, making his blood rise to the surface.

Sasuke wrapped a hand around his dick. He felt his release coming, a lot faster than he’d thought it would. Well, he honestly hadn’t known what to expect. He’d never thought he’d get this far until he was in this moment. Shikamaru’s thrusts were getting all stuttery, and he pressed his face into Sasuke’s neck. Sasuke felt his hot breaths, and the tickling only spurred Sasuke’s climax on. 

If having someone cum in your mouth without warning is a shock, having someone cum  _ inside you  _ without warning was a revelation. Sasuke hadn’t thought about it, but Shikamaru also hadn’t said anything. Sasuke felt Shikamaru’s teeth grazing his skin. Then Shikamaru lifted his head from Sasuke’s neck, and the look in his eyes was enough to get Sasuke off. Oh, it would be in his shirt, but he could think of a lie on the way home. 

They’d detangled and Shikamaru drove Sasuke home. Thankfully, his parents were sleeping, and not-so-thankfully, Itachi opened the door. Sasuke looked down at himself, his messed shirt, his hastily zipped pants, his untied shoes. He knew his hair was fucked. He didn’t want to speak, because he knew his voice was just as fucked. 

And Itachi didn’t make him. He just moved aside, let Sasuke in, and didn’t say another word about it. 

Sasuke couldn’t get enough of it, for months. Every chance he got, he was trying to have sex. Shikamaru was into it, to a point. As long as they were “off.”

The first time they’d fucked on a bed, Shikamaru had made Sasuke cum three times. He cried. 

Sasuke knew it couldn’t last forever. If he was honest, the only reason he was doing it, at this point, was to get his mind off of the fact that Naruto and Hinata had just started having sex, too. Whenever he thought about it, he would text Shikamaru and be out the door in five minutes flat. Shikamaru was the boss. Sasuke did whatever he was told, most of the time. He liked to be told how well he was doing, and he loved hands in his hair. One time, when Sasuke was bent over a counter in Shikamaru’s sparkling clean kitchen, Sasuke learned that he liked being told what to do, and made to actually do it. He learned a  _ lot  _ about himself, actually. 

It ended when Temari finally came back around. She missed Shikamaru, he’d told Sasuke, and he missed her, too. She loved him, didn’t see her life without him. She was done with the games if he was. He had heard it before, but he loved her, he said. “So I was just a distraction? So you wouldn’t be lonely?” Sasuke had quipped. It was a joke, really, offhandedly. They’d both been that to one another. 

They talked from time to time. Sometimes, they even got together, and Shikamaru would buy Sasuke a milkshake, just like old times.

But none of that mattered, and Naruto wouldn’t ever need to know that.)

Naruto wasn’t buying it, for once. “You’re lying,” he said bluntly. “I know you’ve thought about it with someone. If not him, someone else. Unless you’re asexual. That’s, ya know, that’s fine, too. Are you? Asexual?” 

Sasuke shook his head. “No, Naruto.” He gave a sigh. “I’ve thought about it, I guess.”

Naruto crawled to the edge of the bed, as close to Sasuke as he could get. “Oh, yeah? You don’t have to tell me who but… do I know them?”

Ha,  _ do  _ you. 

Sasuke nodded. “Yeah, uh, you know them.” Naruto hummed. One thing Sasuke knew for sure: no matter how deeply Naruto dug into him, he’d never figure it out that it was him. He’d never suspect himself. He wasn’t that perceptive.

“Son, Naruto! Dinner is ready!”

Sasuke gave an obvious sigh of relief. He was rushing out of the door when Naruto caught the collar of his polo. “We’re not done talking about this,” he said in a whisper that sent a tingle down Sasuke’s spine. Naruto was so close, Sasuke could feel his breath playing over his earlobe. Naruto released Sasuke’s collar and pushed past him so that he got out the door first. What the fuck?

He was already feeling too much. Of course, Naruto sat next to him, across from Itachi. Sasuke sat across from his mother. “So, Sasuke, are you excited for senior year?” It was Itachi that spoke. 

Sasuke nodded and pushed around his rice with his fork, to make sure it didn’t touch anything else on the plate. “Yeah, I guess.” He shrugged. “I just wanna get it over with.”

Itachi chuckled. “I remember that feeling. What about you, Naruto? Ready for the last year?” Naruto was a lot more animated when he answered. “Yeah! I’ve never been more ready to be done with school, especially soccer. I think it’ll be a little difficult, but I never give up.” Sasuke’s eyes never moved from Naruto’s face as he spoke. He almost didn’t care if his fond was showing.

“Son, why didn’t you ever play sports?” Sasuke lifted a shoulder and rolled his eyes. “I told you, Mom. I tried out and I didn’t make it. It wasn’t meant to be.” Sasuke, quite on the contrary to Naruto, was a quitter. He remembered the day like it was yesterday. 

Apparently, so did Naruto. “Oh, yeah, that was a long time ago. What, freshman year? I was surprised you got cut, honestly. You weren’t that bad, back then.” Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “Back then?”

Naruto tried to keep the smile off his face. “Yeah… you’re not so good now.” Itachi laughed first, and Naruto couldn’t help himself then. Sasuke’s face grew hot. His mother gave him a sympathetic look that he didn’t appreciate. “Yeah, yeah, fine. I’m not good. I’m good at other stuff,” Sasuke said defiantly. 

“Like reading books? And feeding your snake?” 

Sasuke grumbled in frustration. “Sasuke, it’s ok,” Mikoto said, reaching her hand out to him. He let her take his but don’t return her grasp. He knew this was sort of childish, but  _ Naruto  _ started it. His head hurt. 

Mikoto did her best to change the subject. “Naruto, how are your parents?” She asked though she didn’t talk to Kushina at least three times a week. 

Naruto shrugged. His plate was completely mixed up together. Sasuke’s eyes fluttered shut as Naruto spoke. “They’re alright. Mom keeps on pushing me to apply to more schools, things like that, but I told her I already have a plan. Dad’s just… Dad.”

Sasuke looked to the chair that his father usually sat at, which was occupied now by Itachi. Something in him snapped at that moment, and he had to  _ go.  _ “Can I be excused?” Sasuke was already standing up before he was even finished talking. His chair hit the rail loudly. Sasuke knew everyone was watching as he left the table.

He didn’t know where he was going, but he just had to go. It wasn’t even about all that, at the table. His father wasn’t here, and he knew there would be no plans for his birthday, anyway. He wasn’t  _ happy _ about it, about anything. He wasn’t surprised by it, and he didn’t know why he cared, but he did. It made him feel empty, to think that he had to go to someone else’s family to have his birthday celebrated. Maybe Itachi could get over something like that, but Sasuke couldn’t. 

He was changing his shirt when Naruto came into his room. Sasuke had just thrown his shirt onto the floor and was now digging around in his drawers. “Are you going somewhere?” 

“No,” Sasuke lied. He sat down on the edge of his bed to tie his shoelaces. Naruto stood on the other edge. “Was it ‘cause we were laughing? I’m sorry, ya know, I didn’t mean it,” Naruto said. Sasuke shook his head and stood. “No, it wasn’t that. It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”

“Sasuke.” Naruto’s voice held an edge that Sasuke had only heard a few times. 

He turned his head for a moment before focusing on his shoes again. “What?” 

Naruto’s hand on Sasuke’s shoulder made him stop his ministrations. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

“Whatever.”

Sasuke was in his car two minutes later. He hadn’t said anything to his mother and brother, still sitting at the table. He hadn’t even locked the door on his way out. Sasuke sat in his car and thought deeply while he waited for the air to come on. He expected Naruto to follow him, so he was surprised when he pulled off alone. Good. He didn’t need help or advice right now. 

As he drove, Sasuke began to know where he was going. It was dirty, it was awful, and that’s just how he felt as he pulled into the parking lot. The same one he’d lost his virginity in. It sat at the top of a hill. He’d been back here a few times, with girls sometimes, but mostly alone. It was a really good place to think in peace.

There was an old supermarket at the top of the hill, long gone out of business. Sasuke looked upon it from inside his car. His fingers gripped the gear shift until they hurt. He sat and sat and sat, thinking. Belatedly, he remembered to turn the car off. Sasuke rolled his window down and took a breath of the thick air outside. “Yeah,” he said, nodded to himself, and exited his car.

The only remnants of the store, besides the building itself, were the carts. Sasuke felt apprehension beginning to rise in him as he approached them. What was he doing, what was he doing? He didn’t even know what was at the bottom of this hill. What would happen if there was  _ nothing,  _ and he just sort of vaulted off the edge?

Yeah, Sasuke thought, better if I check what’s there. He gave one last long glance at the store and its carts before he began his trek down the hill. He didn’t know why he hadn’t thought about it before, to check what was down here. It wasn’t a very steep slope, just sloped enough that he’d definitely have to hit something at the bottom to stop. Or jump out, maybe he could jump out? 

Sasuke observed the bottom of the hill with his fists on his hips. There was a tangling of grass and weeds. Crumbling brick walls. There was a rail, and when Sasuke looked over it he saw only trees and woods and greenery. Upon further inspection, he saw that there was actually a significant drop. These were very tall trees. On the other side of that, the hill flattened out naturally. Sasuke bit his lip. This was a bad idea, and he knew it. He’d known it the moment he’d thought about it. But, he was already here, and there was nowhere else to go. There was no one to call, either. He couldn’t call Naruto, or Sakura, they’d try to talk him out of it. Couldn’t call Itachi, it’d break his heart.

It didn’t matter, anyways. He needed to do it. It was a combination of his current states of mind. He wanted to be away from home, and he wanted to feel alive, and he wanted to forget about his stupid fucking birthday, and he wanted to see… if he could see the future again. And so what, if none of that worked out? It didn’t matter. He didn’t care. Sasuke felt his toes inching farther and farther off the edge as he walked back up the hill. 

Sasuke squinted at the top of the hill as he walked. He had been positive that he was the only person in this parking lot, the only car. No, he was  _ certain  _ of that. So what,  _ who  _ could possibly be here to disturb him? 

Fucking Naruto.

Sasuke should have known better than to think that just since they didn’t leave at the same time, Naruto would really let him come out here and do this by himself. Of course not. He was stupid to assume that. 

“What are you doing here?” Sasuke called. Naruto leaned against the back of his car, with his arms crossed. Sasuke was far away, but he knew that Naruto’s face wore an expression of displeasure.

“What am I doing here? What the fuck are  _ you  _ doing here? That’s the better question.” Naruto’s arms never left their position over his chest, even as he stood and began to come closer. 

Sasuke shrugged. “Just wanted to try something,” he said. They were close together, now. It took everything in Sasuke not to reach out, to touch. Just being in Naruto’s presence made Sasuke feel revitalized. Like he was a real human being. Even with the smoldering look on Naruto’s face, Sasuke would take this over anything else. If only for a moment. 

Then Naruto spoke, and the spell was broken. “Sasuke, please don’t tell me that you’re here doing something stupid.” Sasuke looked away. 

“Fine. I won’t tell you.”

Naruto grumbled something under his breath.

“Why do you care, anyway?” Sasuke asked. “This has nothing to do with you. This is about me, I just want something to be about me for once.”

“That makes no fucking sense. Your birthday is in,” Naruto glanced at his watch (Sasuke had gotten it for him for  _ his _ birthday one year), “it’s in four hours. Four hours, Sasuke. In four hours, it will be all about you. And instead of, I don’t know, doing something normal to pass that time, you want to come out here and… what are you even doing out here? How do you even know about this place?”

The last thing Sasuke needed was a lecture. “It. Doesn’t. Matter,” he reiterated. He wanted to walk away, but he couldn’t. There was something about Naruto that always made his autonomy go away. Something that always made him feel stuck.

Naruto uncrossed his arms. “Sasuke.” His voice had no edge now. He was pleading. How badly Sasuke didn’t want to hear it. He kept his eyes on his hastily tied shoes, and for a moment, he thought Naruto might actually get him to stop this. But then, Sasuke balled up his fist at his side. He was  _ going  _ to do it. 

“You can’t stop me,” he said, though his voice was weak. Anyone else would have known to just stop, and let it go. But Naruto was not anyone else. He was far from anyone else. 

“What are you even doing here?” 

Sasuke looked up at Naruto’s sad eyes. “I was just gonna, um, get in one of those,” Sasuke pointed past Naruto, and Naruto looked over his shoulder at the carts, “and just roll down.” Saying it out loud made Sasuke feel silly, and he had to work hard to keep his voice strong and confident.

“And just roll down. Just roll down the fucking hill. Alone, where nearly no one would know that you were here.” Naruto’s voice was annoyed, and growing angry again. “And what were you gonna do when you got to the bottom? Assuming you lived.” 

Sasuke shrugged. “Dunno. Maybe I’d do it again.”

“Again!” Naruto was incredulous. “Why, why?”

“I can’t explain it to you,” Sasuke said. Naruto wouldn’t believe him. And, worse than that, he’d figure out how Sasuke felt about him. That wasn’t an alternative, it wasn’t an option. It was dumb, to think he’d rather  _ die  _ than tell Naruto that he loved him. But it would ruin everything, and then it’d be like he was dead anyways. He couldn’t live without Naruto, without Naruto’s smile directed at him, without Naruto caring about him, without Naruto being there for him. He’d rather die, yes, than live without that. 

“I’m going to do it.” 

Naruto rolled his eyes hard and shook his head harder. “But I’ll do it one time,” Sasuke added, “just once.” 

“I don’t want you to do it, Sasuke. And what do you mean, you can’t tell me? We’re not supposed to keep secrets from each other.”

“It doesn’t have anything to  _ do  _ with what you want.” Now was sure an opportune time for Naruto to mention secrets.

Sasuke walked away, before Naruto had a chance to think of anything else to say. He didn’t look back. He crossed the parking lot, and wrapped his fingers lightly around the handle of the first cart he came to. Not this one. Its wheel was broken. Most of them were rusty, but as Sasuke picked through them, he found one that looked relatively untouched.

At the very top of the hill, Sasuke saw his life spreading out before him. Like flashing before his eyes, but a lot slower. He looked back only then, to see Naruto had gotten back into his car. The lights were on in the back. Sasuke turned away, and took a deep breath that he let out as a sigh. He could do this, he could, he had to. 

Sasuke had positioned the cart to face the part of the hill that just sort of tapered off. Sasuke climbed into the cart, and wiggled until the the cart began rolling. The wind blew in his hair. Sasuke gripped the metal hard, tight. If he leaned hard enough, he saw that he was able to steer himself. But he didn’t want to. Sasuke closed his eyes and just felt. He felt the wind on his face, he felt the cool of the metal heating up beneath his fingers, he felt the cart getting faster and faster and faster. So fast, too fast. 

A few bumps made Sasuke’s eyes jolt open. Just rocks, he told himself. He couldn’t make himself close his eyes again, and he was glad he didn’t. He wasn’t on the path that he’d thought he was. He was veering far toward the place where the ground was a tangle of green mess. He didn’t really know what that would do, if he’d just roll right over it and off the cliff, but he forced himself not to care. No, he told himself, he didn’t care, he didn’t care.

Have you ever seen the ground, from up higher than you are tall? And your whole body, off the ground. Sasuke watched the sky as he careened through it. The sun was setting. He was moving towards it. All he could figure was that the wheels had gotten snagged in the plants. He’d been thrown, catapulted out, all at once. Sasuke didn’t know when he’d stop falling. He saw his life, again, but fast this time. He wished Naruto had stopped him. Naruto. Naruto. 

If Naruto was his last thought, Sasuke would be fine with that. And as his body hit the pavement abruptly, he thought that really might be. It took a moment for Sasuke to feel the pain, but then it was all he felt. His bones around his heart ached, and he thought at first that maybe it was his heart beating too hard, but then he coughed and there was blood. 

He’d gone too far, too far, his ribs were surely broken. Sasuke thought that his lungs were going to burst, but not from air. Was his neck broken? Sasuke tried to turn his head up, to see the sky again. He’d landed face down, but miraculously his nose seemed intact. There were scrapes on his forehead, he could feel them because the breeze was blowing, and he could feel it in his raw skin. Sasuke didn’t know how his arm wasn’t broken, or his legs, or his neck. Oh, wait. Maybe his arm  _ was _ broken. That would be fine. He was alive. Something in his chest had most certainly been shattered, and his arm was broken, but he was alive. For now.

Sasuke struggled himself onto his back, and let out an exhausted huff. It hurt to move, it hurt to breathe. Sasuke coughed again, harder, and observed the sky as the sun continued its descent. He saw the beginnings of the night sky; the brightest stars were pricking their way into his vision. But, all of that was going black. Sasuke’s breath rattled in his throat. He reached a trembling hand up to his mouth. There was blood coming from it, running down the side of his face and dripping onto the dirty, cold, hard ground. 

The last thing Sasuke heard before he slipped away was a slam, a scream, faint and getting fainter, that sounded oddly like someone calling his name…

When Sasuke’s vision faded in, he was in a familiar place. There was a smell wafting through the air that Sasuke enjoyed. He was at Naruto’s house, again. The sun was high in the sky, and it was nearly too cold to be out here. They were in the backyard, on the grass. So close together that if Sasuke wanted to, he could reach out and touch. He wanted to.

His own voice came into tune, and this time he began to hear Naruto, too. “... Know, ever since you got better, I’ve been meaning to tell you something,” Naruto was saying. 

Sasuke turned his head to look at Naruto, and he tried hard not to smile too soft. “Oh? What’s that?” His own voice was hopeful.

Naruto was still looking at the sky as he spoke. “Well, it was really hard, for everyone. We didn’t know… what to think, what to expect. And it was really hard to convince people it had been an accident, too, and that I had nothing to do with it.” Sasuke began noticing the leaves as he listened, how brown they were getting. The colors of fall were Sasuke’s favorite. Naruto sighed, and drew Sasuke’s eyes and attention back to him.

“It hurt me the worst. I thought I’d lost you, ya know? I didn’t know what I was gonna do.” Naruto was chewing his lip then, and Sasuke saw the faintest trace of tears beginning to streak down his cheeks. His eyebrows drew together.

“Don’t cry, Naruto, please,” he heard himself say. His fingers, tentative and uncertain as he’d ever been, reached out to swipe at Naruto’s tears. Naruto jerked his face away. 

“No, Sasuke, you don’t get— let me finish, please.” Sasuke’s hand came back to his side. Naruto began again. “I know I told you before, but I meant it when I said that I need you here. No matter what you told me, what you didn’t tell me, it didn’t matter. Until I almost lost you, I never realized how much I need you, Sasuke.” Naruto finally turned to face Sasuke, who was not crying. Not at all. 

Sasuke wiped his eyes quickly, almost like he was angry at himself for crying. He was. Why, of all the moments, did he have to be crying? “Naruto…” What was he supposed to say to that besides  _ I love you?  _ Now was not the time, no. Naruto didn’t know what he was talking about. 

“Shut the fuck up, Naruto,” Sasuke said, though he was choking on the words. 

Naruto closed his eyes in another sigh. “I mean it, Sasuke. Stop being defensive. You’re always trying to be so cool, but you don’t have to be. You’re always hiding things. I can see it, you’re hiding something right now.” Naruto’s eyes fell upon Sasuke again. Sasuke looked away, Naruto’s expression was too intense.

Sasuke was feeling embarrassed, angry, sad, exasperated, and still so in love. So deeply, madly in love. “I’m not hiding anything,” Sasuke said, and that was the truth he was telling himself. His face was open, and he was not trying to hide the fact that he wanted to be wrapped up in Naruto forever, so badly that it hurt. It almost,  _ almost  _ felt like Naruto was saying it, too. But he wasn’t actually saying it, so Sasuke refrained. He coughed a little, because his throat was beginning to ache from the urge to cry. It hurt to cough. 

Naruto’s eyes were on Sasuke, and Sasuke’s eyes were on Naruto. How easy it would be, to move closer, to slot their bodies together, to slot their  _ lips  _ together. Sasuke could barely think, but what little thoughts he had were all on Naruto. Naruto’s hair in this light, so golden and bright that Sasuke could squint.  _ Oh _ , he didn’t deserve this. Naruto’s eyes, the deepest blue, more beautiful than the surface of the lake on that fateful day. Naruto’s body, toned and getting better because of soccer and working out. Sasuke could see the bulge of Naruto’s bicep even underneath his clothes. Fucked, Sasuke was fucked. 

Naruto was suddenly impossibly close. He was so busy inside of his mind, Sasuke hadn’t seen or felt Naruto moving. But now, they were breathing the same air. Here in this grass, Sasuke wanted to stay. This moment was the moment Sasuke’s heart had been yearning for, for years. A decade. Sasuke felt Naruto's eyes piercing a hole through him, directly into his soul. Sasuke stared at Naruto’s eyes. He couldn’t bear to look at Naruto anymore, lest he make a mistake, but he couldn’t look away. They fluttered closed when he felt Naruto’s fingers on his skin, running themselves over Sasuke’s face and tracing his chin. Then Sasuke felt Naruto’s thumb trace his bottom lip, and that’s when Sasuke’s mind became his own again. 

He was being shaken, just like last time, though this time he felt it a lot less. Naruto’s voice sounded like Sasuke had cotton in his ears. Sasuke’s lips played that same stupid smile, and despite the glaring red and blue lights, Sasuke forced his eyes to stay open so that he could see Naruto. Naruto. 

Naruto was a mess. His face was wet with tears, his nose was running, and his hair was a mess, meaning he’d been running his hands through it. Sasuke tried to lift his left arm, to touch Naruto’s face, but he couldn’t. It didn’t even feel like it was still part of his body. Sasuke squinted.

“Naruto?” It hurt to talk. 

Naruto’s eyes grew wide when he heard Sasuke speak. “Sasuke, Sasuke, oh, my God, Sasuke.” His voice was shot. How long had he been crying? Naruto’s hands were on Sasuke’s shoulders, and he gripped his shirt so tight that Sasuke lifted partly up off the ground. “Why would you be so  _ fucking _ —” Naruto released Sasuke, who let out a huff as his back thudded against the ground again. Naruto shook his head over and over, like he was trying to convince himself something wasn’t real. “Do you know what you fucking do to me?”

“Son, I’m gonna have to ask you to step away. We’re gonna take him away, now.”

Sasuke didn’t recognize that voice. He tried to turn his head to see who had spoken, but it hurt. He hummed in general confusion. “Me, take me? Take me where?” But no one was listening to him. Naruto had to be pulled away from him, he was being held back by two people, and even then he was still trying to get back to Sasuke. Sasuke allowed himself to be lifted up onto the stretcher, allowed himself to be strapped down. He was roused to action when he realized he was being taken away from Naruto. 

“Wait, wait, can’t he come, too? I want him, want him,” Sasuke said, lifting himself with the power of his right arm only. His left arm completely useless, but his left hand was still functioning. He pointed with it, but no one saw because it was at his side. “It’s my birthday, it’s important,” Sasuke told his attendant, when he saw the door close on Naruto and the dusk sky. 

“Is it?” 


	4. Chapter 4

Sasuke woke up in the hospital. When he cracked his eyes open, the lights blinded him. He tried to cover his eyes with his left arm, and found that when he lifted it, there was a cast there. So it had broken. Well, Sasuke thought, that isn’t so bad. It would take something like 6 or 7 weeks to heal, as long as he took care of it. He sighed, and then winced. There were bandages wrapped tight around his chest, and his forehead. The lights were giving him a headache. Sasuke reached up with his  _ right  _ hand to touch the bandages on his head.

“Mm. You’re awake.” 

It was Itachi’s voice Sasuke heard. Sasuke attempted to turn his head to see him, but he could barely move his neck. “Who’s in here?” he asked into the empty air. His eyes were darting left to right, but he couldn’t see anything but his hair and the white of his bandages. 

“It’s just me. And Naruto. But he’s asleep.” 

Sasuke wished he could sigh. He huffed a breath instead. “Naruto?” Of course. “How long have you guys been here?” Sasuke heard Itachi shift in his chair, wherever he was. 

“Since you’ve been here, really. Mom came, too, but it was too much for her. She said she’d be back, later on. To bring you your present.”

Oh, yeah. “My birthday,” Sasuke mumbled.

Itachi chuckled lightly. “Yes, kid brother. You’re 17. Happy birthday.” Sasuke saw Itachi come into his view after hearing him get up. Itachi’s face wore a sad smile. He stroked Sasuke’s hair. “You’re alive, by the skin of your teeth. You worried Mom sick, and I was mad at you at first, but I love you. I couldn’t stay mad. I’m glad that you’re here.”

Sasuke heard a snort and a small thud. “Is he awake? Is he talking? Sasuke!” Naruto’s voice this time. Sasuke felt a warmth spreading in him, starting from his heart and permeating every part of him, his toes, his fingertips, the tip of his nose. Sasuke’s eyes turned to Naruto when he came close. Naruto was still a mess. Sasuke could sort of smell him. His eyes were red, and puffy, and there were bags underneath them. He had some bandages on his arm, but was otherwise intact.

Itachi looked as though he wanted to say something, but this was not a conversation for this place or this time. Sasuke sort of hated himself more than he ever had before. What the fuck is my problem? Sasuke scolded himself. Oh, but he’d seen it, he’d seen it, he’d seen  _ something. _ It was a beautiful something. And that’s what it was for, right? To see something. It didn’t stop Sasuke from hating himself. He had said to himself that he’d never make Naruto feel the way Hinata had, weak and weepy. Naruto looked more a mess than Sasuke had ever seen him. No, he’d never hated himself more than he did right now. Stupid, stupid. He should have listened, of course, but it was too late to feel like that.

“I’m going to tell Mom you’re awake now, ok? I’ll… leave you to it.” Itachi held onto Sasuke’s hand for a moment, squeezed his fingers, and then he was gone. It was just Sasuke and Naruto in this bright, clean smelling room. Too clean. Like extra bleach. 

Naruto fixed his red eyes on Sasuke’s arm. His fingers were running over the cast. “You really did it,” Naruto said in disbelief. “I can’t believe you really did that shit.” He looked across Sasuke’s body, from his arm to his forehead, and finally to his eyes. Sasuke was very out of it. Naruto was the only thing that made sense. 

There was a scraping sound as Naruto pulled a chair closer. Sasuke had finally regained the ability to turn his head, so he did. He could see he was hooked up to machines. He could hear them beeping, now that he was paying attention to them. Some sort of saline thing, a heart rate monitor, some other things that Sasuke didn’t understand. It hurt his head to try to figure it out, so he just looked at Naruto. He knew that now was not the time, but he couldn’t help but smile. Naruto was here when no one else was. Through the light of the blinds Sasuke thought maybe it was around 12 in the afternoon.

“I didn’t tell anyone yet, any of our friends,” Naruto said. His hand was on his chest, like he was clutching at his heart. Sasuke’s smile fell and he drew his lip between his teeth. He’d forgotten about other people. His friends would know about this, and what would be his excuse? He didn’t have one. “They said you’re lucky you didn’t land, like, backwards, or whatever. The other way around. That you coulda cracked your head open, or something. You have a concussion, though. Your arm is broken, two of your ribs, but those should be good around the same time. Some scrapes on your forehead, should be gone in a week. And you’ll have to take painkillers, they said.” Sasuke nodded along to everything Naruto said, even though he was barely listening, much less understanding. 

“I stayed here all night. Do I look like I did? I know I probably smell, too.” Naruto shrugged. Sasuke’s eyes followed Naruto’s hand as it ran into his blonde hair. He was still stressed out. “Sakura is going to be pissed off.” 

Sasuke tried to laugh, but it hurt. He nodded. “Yeah… I don’t look forward to that.”

Naruto’s eyes turned stern. “D’you know what could have happened out there? You could have flown off the cliff, or hit a wall or something. Died, you could have died. I’ve never been more afraid of something in my life.”

Sasuke didn’t want this, didn’t need this, not right now. “I’m sorry,” he said. 

Naruto shook his head and looked as though Sasuke had shot him. “It’s much too late for that. You know they think I pushed you? Someone called the police. I mean, I called the ambulance, but the police came, too. And they thought I had something to do with it. As if I’d  _ ever _ —” Naruto shook his head again. Sasuke didn’t want to look at him.

“Happy birthday, by the way,” Naruto said, and his voice was suddenly just as soft and sweet as ever. For the life of him, it seemed, he couldn’t stay mad at Sasuke. His fingers were close to Sasuke’s now, so close that Sasuke could feel them, ghosting over his cast. Sasuke’s eyes drifted to from his hand to Naruto’s face. 

“Thank you?” It didn’t feel like anything at all. Well, Sasuke supposed that he was lucky to even be hearing those words. 

“I got you something, but it’s at my house. I’ll tell my Dad to bring it, I guess.” Both Naruto and Sasuke’s attention was drawn to the sound of the door creaking open.

Itachi came back into the room with Mikoto. Naruto jumped up and away from Sasuke’s bed so hastily that the chair screeched on the floor. He moved out of the way just in time to keep from being slammed into the wall by Mikoto because she was coming so fast. 

“Sasuke, Sasuke, my baby, my son.” Breathless, Mikoto wrapped her arms around Sasuke’s bandaged chest and shoulders, pressing her face into his hair. Sasuke could feel her trembling. Oh, God, why did everything have to hurt so bad? Knowing that he’d brought his mother to this point and probably worse made Sasuke feel worthless all over again. He wasn’t even embarrassed by this, he didn’t have room in his mind for that. He closed his eyes and returned her embrace with his good arm, his fingers sliding into her hair and clutching it. She smelled like home. Why hadn’t he just stayed home?

Mikoto let Sasuke go after an eternity. Her face was sad, though she was trying to smile. “I brought you something, we both did,” she said, gesturing to Itachi. He stepped forward and brought his hand from behind his back, where there was a bag. Sasuke eyed it wearily. He took Mikoto’s box first. It was a pair of shoes that Sasuke had been hinting at for months, he figured she’d get them for him. “Thanks, Mom,” Sasuke said quietly. He pulled her closer to press a kiss to her cheek, and then he looked to Itachi’s present.

Itachi loved him and Sasuke knew this, but he wasn’t the most observant of Sasuke’s interests unless they were directly expressed to him. A lot of the time, Itachi just got Sasuke socks for everything. Every birthday, socks. Every Christmas, socks. Sasuke already knew that when he graduated, he’d be getting socks. He was fine with it; it was their  _ thing  _ now. 

So, you could color Sasuke confused when he dug the crepe paper out of the bag and it did not, in fact, contain socks. There was a journal. It was small and blue, with gold lettering on the front. It had a slip of red ribbon as a bookmark. At first glance, it seemed completely new. But when Sasuke cracked it open, he saw that the first few pages were covered with Itachi’s scrawling handwriting. The bookmark was set into the sixth page; every page before that had been completely filled. At its start, Itachi’s entry was dated April 14, the day after Sasuke had gotten back from the lake. The day after he’d almost drowned. The day he’d told Itachi about his vision. Sasuke looked to Itachi then, looking up to him like he always did. Itachi was smiling. Sasuke felt his heart swell. 

“Now, I don’t want you to go reading that yet,” Itachi said sternly. His hand found Sasuke’s shoulder. “Write in it, whenever you’re unsure about something. But don’t read what I said until I’ve left. Do you understand?”

Sasuke’s eyebrows quirked, but he nodded anyway. “Yeah, sure. Thank you.”

Mikoto was inspecting Naruto closely. “Sweetheart, did you go home last night? You need to take a shower. And brush your teeth, comb your hair, change your clothes. My son will be fine if you leave for an hour, I promise.” Naruto was trying to protest, but Mikoto was persistent, and was already pushing him out the door. “Ah ah ah, bring your parents with you!” The door shut with a loud click. Mikoto turned back to Sasuke’s bed then, and she took up the chair Naruto had been occupying. Itachi stood in Sasuke’s other side.

“Son,” Mikoto took Sasuke’s hand and squeezed, “do you know how happy I am to tell you happy birthday today?” Sasuke shook his head. Mikoto pressed her lips together as she gathered her thoughts. “It’s like this. Seventeen years ago today, I knew you were coming any second. It was hot, way hotter back then. You weren’t a fussy baby, even before you were born. And I had a friend. She had just had a son, too.” Sasuke knew that his mother was referring to Kushina. “She’s my best friend, she has always been there for me. They were there when you were born, she and Minato. They’ve always felt connected to you in a way, like you were their son, too. I felt so lucky to have such friends, people so invested in you that they did things for you that we sometimes couldn’t.”

Mikoto sighed. “But then, you got a little older, and it felt like you liked them more? Going over there all the time, spending days at a time with the boy, things like that. I don’t blame anyone but myself for it. They threw you that first birthday party, and I was grateful, again, of course. Minato insisted, really, that since your father would be away, it was important you spent time with your  _ family _ . Your family, they’re counting themselves as your family! Good, right? It was good, at first. But then, it started to feel like you were drifting away, and really becoming one of them, instead of remaining one of us. Of course, I know it’s not easy at home lately, since your father has started… ahem.” Mikoto cleared her throat and shook her head. She moved her hand to Sasuke’s head and threaded her fingers into his hair. “I know it’s an escape, and I don’t blame you, like I said. I don’t blame anyone but me, for not making you want to stay home.”

Sasuke shook his head rapidly, but then he got a little dizzy. Mikoto cradled his head. “No, Mom, it’s not your fault, I coulda stayed home—”

“Sasuke, I know why you’re going over there.”

Her voice was so jarring. Sasuke didn’t know what the look on her face meant. He chewed his lip and willed her to elaborate. “I could have seen it from a mile away,  really. We know you,” she said quietly. Sasuke glanced at Itachi with mounting apprehension. 

“What do you mean?”

Mikoto took her time before she spoke. She looked as though she didn’t want to say it. “I know that…  _ we  _ know that you, um, love that boy.” 

Sasuke made a sound like the air had been knocked out of him, because it had. He closed his eyes tight and his eyebrows furrowed. His face was growing flushed with shame. How, how? He knew he wasn’t trying to hide it, but parents weren’t supposed to figure stuff out like this. And Itachi, too! Sasuke felt nearly betrayed. Mikoto’s hand stroking his hair did nothing to calm Sasuke’s nerves. 

“It’s ok, really. It’s sweet. And I love him, too. He is good for you, I see the way that he makes you feel. So I don’t blame you for wanting to be near him all the time. But, my son.” Sasuke finally opened his eyes and looked away from Mikoto’s. Too serious, too searching. “My point is, you can’t do things like this. It’s more than just the fact that you’re always over there, so we never see you on your birthday, anyway. It’s that, and it’s also the fact that you almost died last night. I almost didn’t get to tell you happy birthday at all. I don’t know what drove you to it, and I don’t want you to tell me right now,” Mikoto said with a slight shake of her head, just enough to make her long, flowing hair shift on her shoulders. “All I want is for you to reflect, and remember that there are people around you that would never be the same if you weren’t around. We want you here, Sasuke. For a lot of people, for us at least…” Mikoto glanced at Itachi. “You’re all we have.”

Sasuke sighed. He didn’t have anything to say to that, and Mikoto figured as much. Sasuke studied the journal some more as his mother moved away from his side. His father was calling. That reminded Sasuke that he’d have to think of some excuse, some reason to have been where he’d been, with who he’d been with, doing what he’d been doing. He was in for it, he knew. It was bad enough that he was in here; it would only be worse when Fugaku figured out that he was the last person to see Sasuke, that Naruto’s family would have seen him before he got to. When their mother stepped out of the room, Itachi cleared his throat, causing Sasuke to jump in surprise. 

Sasuke had it in his right mind to be mad at Itachi, but he couldn’t be. “You knew, too?” Sasuke said. He was embarrassed as Itachi nodded. 

“I don’t know how anyone couldn’t know, Sasuke. You’re… you’re obsessed with him. And you can’t deny that. You don’t even try to hide it, because he is so oblivious.” Itachi laughed lightly. “I think you could tell him today and he wouldn’t understand.”

Sasuke shook his head. “I’m not obsessed with him, obsessed! That’s such a strong word, and he’s a loser. We’re just best friends, that’s why we’re always together. He’s the only person I’ve spent a lot of time with for years, so of course I talk about him a lot.” Itachi hummed doubtfully.

“You and I both know that’s a lie, you’ve known Sakura just as long as him.” Sasuke’s already pink face only grew redder. “It’s ok, it’s funny. You don’t like much of anything besides that snake of yours; it’s nice to see you like something. I don’t despise Naruto. I just wished he paid more attention to things.”

Itachi left him then, and Sasuke decided that he’d try to get some semblance of sleep. His eyes had been closed for what felt like two seconds when he heard the door banging open, once again. Sasuke felt and heard his heart rate pick up in his surprise. He saw Naruto as well as Minato and Kushina coming into the door. Both of Naruto’s parents were holding bags with what Sasuke assumed were presents. Kushina got Sasuke a new pair of jeans, since she’d seen how the ones he always wore were getting a little ratty; Minato got Sasuke a copy book that he’d been eyeing whenever he wandered his way into the office to bother Kushina.

People came in and out, the whole rest of the day. Sasuke got very sick of hearing the words “Happy Birthday.” Sakura and Ino came, and as soon as they left Sai came too, with Tenten and Lee. Even Shikamaru came. He brought Sasuke the blueberry milkshake he loved, and Sasuke tried not to cry. Sasuke felt strange to be fawned over this way. He was also shocked to know that so many people knew his birthday. “Did Naruto tell you it’s my birthday?” he’d always ask, and they would always shake their heads. “No, we’ve always known.” Every person that came by also signed Sasuke’s cast. By the end of the morning Sasuke felt bad, because he had no idea of the dates of half of their birthdays. The doctor came by too, to check on him. Even  _ he  _ wished Sasuke a happy birthday.

Around 3pm, Sasuke and Naruto were the only ones in the room again. Sasuke’s presents were strewn across his lap in the bed. A knife, some cologne, a sweater, some new headphones, a watch. Sasuke let Naruto examine everything before placing them back onto Sasuke’s lap. Sasuke drew the line at reading the cards. They weren’t talking anymore, just sitting in each other’s company. Sasuke just wanted to get some rest.

It was then that Naruto decided would be an apt time to have Sasuke open up his gift. He was excited, on the edge of his chair. Sasuke didn’t know if he was emotionally capable of it, but the look on Naruto’s face was enough to forget all that. He ripped the paper off the box tentatively, with great care so as not to damage whatever was wrapped. Inside it was a picture frame. Sasuke’s eyebrow twitched as he dragged his fingers over the patterns carved into the wood. The picture was one Sasuke has forgotten they’d taken. He thought maybe Kushina had taken it one day, a long time ago. Something about it reminded him of her. A first day of school? That’s what it looked like. They were standing next to each other, Naruto still shorter than Sasuke by just a few inches. Sasuke’s arms were crossed, and he looked fed up with the situation. Naruto’s face was split into a wide grin that nearly reached his ears, and he was giving a thumbs up. Sasuke’s fingers touched Naruto’s face beneath the glass for just a second before he remembered that he could smudge it if he wasn’t careful. That smile.

“It’s from our first day of high school,” Naruto said, answering Sasuke’s question. “It kinda looks like it could be… ah, somewhere else? Somewhere up North, like Connecticut or someplace like that. Do you remember wearing that?” Sasuke shook his head. All of his clothes were the same, really, plain and black or mute, but here he was wearing some blue hooded sweatshirt that he did not recognize. 

“I barely remember this day at all,” Sasuke admitted. Naruto laughed. “Oh, well, me neither, but I thought it was… thoughtful. Something you could remember me by when you go to college. Even though, I don’t know why you won’t just go to KU like everyone else.” 

Sasuke rolled his eyes at this. “Naruto, is this what we’re going to do today? We’re going to fight? Don’t start with this.” Naruto laughed and scratched the back of his neck. “Heh, I’m just saying.”

Sasuke hated when they spoke about college, the future. Of course, Sasuke didn’t have a problem with going to the school in town, but he would rather  _ not _ . He knew that most people they knew would probably end up going there, and that was annoying. He didn’t want to just go to high school 2.0, with the same people who would be talking about the same things forever. It was not only that, of course. It was also the things going on at home, with his father. 

So Sasuke wanted to leave, but that meant leaving Naruto behind. Didn’t really seem to be an option in Sasuke’s mind because Naruto was far too important to him. Sasuke was growing more and more conflicted about it, recently, because he was getting letters from far away schools a lot more frequently.

Of course, Naruto had always been expressing his desires to leave too. What Sasuke wouldn’t give to just go, go and take Naruto with him. Or follow Naruto wherever he went. He didn’t care too much, because as much as Naruto talked about leaving here, it was beginning to sound like a good idea.

Sasuke was just calming down from the emotions Naruto’s present had filled him with, when the door opened again. Sasuke thought that he might die if he had to speak to anyone else. His eyes got wide when he saw Hinata standing there, twisting her fingers around anxiously. Sasuke’s eyes cut to Naruto, who looked just as shocked as he felt. 

She was the first one to speak. 

“I know you probably didn’t expect to see me here, and I didn’t think I’d come,” she began, her voice just as soft and wavering as it always was. Naruto was staring pointedly out the window. 

“Yeah, I didn’t,” Sasuke said. He didn’t want to be rude, he just sort of would rather have seen anyone else come through the door. 

“Neji convinced me to come. He said that… what happened didn’t matter, now that someone’s life was at stake. Had been at stake.” Hinata shook her head and took a few more steps into the room. She was having a hard time looking Sasuke in the eye. “I just wanted to say happy birthday, and, um. I’m so glad that you’re here right now. Whatever went on, I realized that I can’t blame you.” Sasuke didn’t look Hinata in the eyes, either. His gaze was tracing over the pile of presents in his lap.

“And I’m sorry, for whatever pain I caused. I hope that we don’t have to avoid each other anymore.” Hinata’s eyes were on Naruto, Sasuke saw, but Naruto nearly had his back to her. He was so tense, Sasuke could feel it coming off of him in waves. “Uh, yeah. Well, thank you, thanks for coming. I appreciate you doing this. And, it’s ok, for me. It wasn’t ever my business to begin with? I never wanted anything to be tense or bad between anyone.” Sasuke shrugged and hoped that was enough acceptance. Hinata nodded and offered a tiny smile. “Well, see you. Happy birthday.”

Hinata gave a small wave, and then she was gone. Sasuke sighed and sat back. 

“I was going to tell you a few hours ago, but everyone started coming in. They told me, when I came back, you can leave when you’re ready. As long as you’ve gotten your medicine and stuff, they said it’s fine.” 

Sasuke nodded. “Can we… go to your house?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for no food my lovelies, and also sorry it’s so short haha


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey all. tw for mentions of abuse. take care of yourself and don’t read it if you can’t handle it!

Sasuke had never realized how much he had been taking for granted. Not having a constant headache, being able to draw in an entire breath, doing things with the left side of his body. When school started, Sasuke still had two or three weeks before he could get his cast off. It was full of signatures and it itched. Sasuke didn’t know how many times he’d zoned out of a lesson because he was thinking about the fact that he couldn’t scratch his arm. It was senior year now, though, and Sasuke knew that he had to finish high school strong. So he did his best to pay attention.

The only things distracting him were his medicine, and Naruto. Of fucking course. Sasuke was always on his toes about when he’d get to live through the next vision, when he’d get to lay in the grass with Naruto and look him in the eyes that way, when he’d get to feel Naruto’s hands on him, specifically his thumb. Sasuke was also worrying about his medicine, because he’d already run out one time. His doctor had said it was his choice to renew the prescription, so he did, but he was beginning to feel that was a mistake. 

Sasuke had been beginning to… depend on them. Sometimes, he’d realized, if he took them when he was in a particularly  _ angsty  _ mood, those feelings would go away. In their place would be  _ calm  _ and  _ peace  _ Sasuke had never felt before. The medicine was by no stretch meant for that, but Sasuke found this purpose a lot more useful. This was, once again, something he was hiding from everyone.

Sasuke thought about what his mother had said to him in the hospital at least three times every day.  _ We know you love that boy. _ He tried to watch himself whenever he interacted with Naruto, especially when they were around other people. Yes, he realized, it was easy to see it. Sasuke came to the realization that the only person who didn’t know he loved Naruto was Naruto. And that was perfect, that was completely fine.

“Sakura, can I ask you something?” 

They were both sitting in the bleachers, waiting for Naruto to be finished with practice. Sakura was only there because Naruto owed her a trip to the mall and it was time to pay up. She was lounging a few rows below him, stretching her whole body out, hands behind her head. When she heard Sasuke speak, she opened her eyes and raised an eyebrow, tilting her head in his direction. “Hm?”

Sasuke fidgeted. He’d barely come to terms with the way he felt about Naruto, it had only been a few weeks. But, if it was that obvious to everyone, maybe it would be ok to talk to someone about it? The person he trusted the most besides Itachi was indeed Sakura, surely she could help him sift through his feelings. She was the only one that he’d told about the stuff that had happened sophomore year with Shikamaru, and all the girls, too.

“I… when I was in the hospital, my mom told me that she knows that I like Naruto,” Sasuke stammered. His voice was growing more and more thin the longer he spoke, because he didn’t want anyone else to hear them. Never mind that they were the only people sitting out here, like always. Well, the only ones besides that kid, Gaara. He went to the same school as Temari, as they were siblings, and yet he was always here as soon as school ended. He hung out with Lee a lot. Sasuke pitched a glance over his shoulder at Gaara, who was watching the field with intent eyes and his arms crossed. 

“Yeah, so?” Sakura seemed annoyed with this line of questioning. 

“So, is it that obvious? The way that I  _ might  _ feel about him?” Sasuke didn’t know why he couldn’t speak straight. His mouth could barely form the words  _ like  _ and  _ Naruto  _ in the same sentence. It felt too strange, to be actually admitting it. He’d had this in him as a secret for, like, ten years. Having it out in the open, even if it was just a few people, made Sasuke feel out of place, not himself.

Sakura scoffed and sat up. “Are you… seriously asking that?” 

Sasuke nodded. He didn’t like not being taken seriously. “Yeah, I’m really asking. Do other people know?”

Sakura looked as though she wanted to laugh. “Yes, Sasuke. Everyone knows. The only people who don’t know are you and Naruto. Well, just him now.” 

Sasuke shook his head. “Gah, seriously! Who, who?” 

Sakura shrugged. “Mm, me, Ino, Sai, Tenten, Lee…” Sakura listed the names out on her fingers before her  voice trailed off. “Yeah. That’s all that I can think of right now, but I’m telling you. You ask anyone in the halls and they’ll tell you the same thing. I don’t know of a time when you didn’t like him, Sasuke.” Sasuke turned his head from Sakura to the field, where he picked Naruto’s blonde head out in two seconds. He was doing push-ups. Sasuke gripped the stands so that he didn’t topple over. He knew that if anyone knew, it would be Sakura. They had all grown up together; there wasn’t much he could keep from her, even if he tried.

“It’s not even that serious,” he lied. 

Sakura laughed again. “Sasuke, you’re not fooling anyone. You certainly can’t fool me,” she said. Sakura’s face grew serious then. “Sasuke, you really like him, right?” 

Sasuke turned to look at her. “Yes…?” She reached her hand out, and Sasuke took it from instinct.

“I don’t know much,” she said carefully, “but I do know one thing. Sometimes, it takes a while for Naruto to understand things. Some time, and some help.” Sasuke had no idea what Sakura was trying to tell him, but he nodded anyway.

“I think they’re done now,” Sakura said, pulling her hand from Sasuke’s. He turned his head to see Gaara had stood and was already halfway down the bleachers. Sasuke stood then, too, and stretched his body up to the sky. His cast felt just as irritating as ever. He hated it, only having one good arm. Sakura led the way down and they waited at the gate for Naruto to come out of the locker room. “I hope he uses soap this time,” Sakura said offhandedly. “I don’t wanna walk around with him and all he’s done is rinse.” Sasuke just sighed.

Naruto came out a little less than 20 minutes later, head still wet. Sasuke could see some water on Naruto’s chest, too, peeking out of the low slung collar of the tank top he’d changed into. 

“Finally, I thought I’d die of heatstroke,” Sakura said, to which Naruto shrugged. “You want me to be clean, right? Can we take your car? I don’t have any gas.”

Sakura refused to let Naruto get any part of her front seats wet, so he and Sasuke had to share the backseat. Sasuke kept having to push Naruto’s knees away from him. “Can you get the fuck off me? You don’t need all of that space,” Sasuke said. 

Naruto thought it was pretty funny. “You wouldn’t know, but yes, I do,” he said, causing Sasuke to roll his eyes. 

“Stop touching me, idiot,” Sasuke said dryly. 

Sakura glared at them in the rear view mirror. “If you two don’t fucking stop it, I swear—” Her tone was a little scary.

That shut them up, however they did still keep pushing one another the entire time. Sasuke felt a little out of place when they got to the mall, because he didn’t have any real reason to be there. Sakura noticed he was waiting for Naruto as he always was and suggested that he come just because. Sasuke wasn’t interested in being a third wheel whatsoever, but he didn’t seem to have a choice.

Sasuke followed Sakura and Naruto as they flitted from store to store. Sasuke was not surprised that Sakura was picking the most expensive things for Naruto to buy her; every time he complained she reminded him of whatever he’d done to make him owe her in the first place. Sasuke didn’t get anything the whole time, just watched. He was mostly trying to see if Naruto showed an interest in anything, because there was only a month before Naruto’s birthday and Sasuke still didn’t have a gift. That seemed like a long time, because it was. Sasuke needed all of that time. Usually, Naruto would hint at something for the whole year and then still have the graciousness to act surprised when Sasuke got it for him. 

But Sasuke realized that because of  _ him,  _ Naruto hadn’t had the time to worry about himself very much this year. Since the spring time Sasuke had been getting himself into life-threatening trouble, which forced Naruto to be investing all of his attention into him. Sasuke sort of hated himself for that. His eyes darted to his cast, and he took in a deep breath. His chest felt achy. Sasuke knew it was his rib, but it felt like it was his heart. He needed a pill, or three.

“Oh, Sasuke, isn’t this so cool?” Naruto’s voice drew Sasuke out of his thoughts.

They had ended up deciding to go to the food court after all of the shopping. On their way, Naruto spotted something in a window. Sasuke stopped and came to Naruto’s side to get a better look at what it was that Naruto was interested in. It was a map, a digital map that showed all sorts of facts about all 50 states. Of course, it showed the capitals and the populations, but it was also obscure. From the state song to the state bird, all of that weird stuff that Sasuke knew Naruto loved to know about. Both of Naruto’s hands were on the glass like some cliché Christmas movie. His eyes were wide and shining. Sasuke hated the way his heart was thrashing around.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool, Naruto.”

It was just another one of those things that only Sasuke had the pleasure of knowing about Naruto, his love for geography. Sasuke knew, in the back of his mind, that Hinata probably knew it, too, but that stayed in the back of his mind. He didn’t have to compete with her anymore, he reminded himself. It was strange, having to relinquish those feelings he had no right to feel in the first place. He knew he had never had a real reason to hate her, a reason based in reality. Now, he had every reason to feel  _ sorry  _ for her, because he knew all too well how it felt to lose Naruto to someone else.

Sakura insisted that they stop and eat. Sasuke didn’t find himself to be too hungry, but Naruto made him eat the breadsticks that came with his pasta dish that he got from the Italian place. “So, Naruto,” Sakura said, pointing her fork in his direction, “your birthday is coming up! You’re going to be 18. Do you have any plans?”

Naruto took a moment to finish chewing before he spoke. “Uh, no. I never do, Sakura,” he pointed out. Sasuke nibbled on the end of his breadstick.

“You’re not gonna invite anyone over?”

“I mean,” Naruto’s eyes turned to Sasuke, who in turn looked away. “I’m sure he’s coming.”

Sakura’s face broke into a grin. Sasuke wanted to kick her underneath the table, but Naruto would notice, since they were all so close together. “Oh,  _ right _ . Sasuke’s always there. Hey, Sauce.” Sasuke did kick her that time, because she knew that he hated being called that. 

“What, what?” Sakura was laughing; she knew what she was doing. “I was just going to ask how your arm’s been feeling.” 

Sasuke looked to his cast. It had been white, but now it could be more accurately described as pale yellow. He did his darndest to keep it clean, but he could only do so much. “Uh, it doesn’t feel like much of anything, really. It itches, all the time.” 

At this Sakura raised her eyebrow. “It doesn’t feel like anything? You should be feeling at least something, even if it’s unpleasant.” A look of suspicion crossed Sakura’s features. “I thought you were supposed to be off the painkillers by now.”

Sasuke shrugged as flippantly as possible. “I am,” he asserted. The expression that settled across Sakura’s face told Sasuke that she didn’t believe him for one moment. He was fidgeting underneath her hard gaze until Naruto cleared his throat. 

“Sakura, give him a break,” Naruto said, crossing his arms. Sasuke’s shoulders sagged from where he’d been sitting rigidly. “Those things ran out weeks ago.”

She didn’t look as though she could be convinced, but Sakura conceded. “Fine.” She closed the box of her Chinese food, having long ago finished it. “Who wants to go to the game store?”

Naruto’s eyes lit up something serious for a moment, but then it seemed that he remembered something. “Wait wait. Do I still owe you?” Naruto stood and held up the bags that Sakura had already procured; bags of all sizes and shapes, paper bags and plastic bags, bags full to the top and bags with only one thing in them. 

Sakura stood from her chair and tapped her foot in thought. “I  _ suppose _ not. Since your birthday is coming up.” She looked to Sasuke. “Do you have to be home soon?”

Sasuke looked at his watch. It was getting close to 4:30. Technically, he should already have been home. “No, I can stay,” he said, standing to join the two of them.

Sakura smiled. “Good, great! There’s this new Pokémon game coming out… Naruto, can you do me a favor?” 

“What is it now?”

Sakura twisted her fingers around in front of her as though she was abashed. “Would you take those bags to the car? We won’t look at too much without you, we promise. Right, Sauce?”

Sasuke glared. “Can you stop?” He turned much softer eyes onto Naruto. “We won’t look at anything without you,” he echoed. 

Naruto didn’t seem too pleased at the thought of all the walking, but just sighed and started picking up all of the bags again. Sakura tossed him the keys to her car, which he nearly didn’t catch. When he was safely out of earshot, Sasuke punched Sakura squarely in her arm. “What the fuck, Sakura.” Not a question. 

Sakura punched Sasuke back, harder. “It’s  _ hilarious  _ to see you fidget next to him. God, you are so in love with him!” Sasuke hated her in that moment.

Sakura made fun of Sasuke the entire way to the game store. On the way there, they passed by the map again. It made Sasuke smile, to think about how happy it had made Naruto. He’d never be able to afford it, but it gave him an idea all the same.

There was a huge display for the Pokémon game Sakura had dragged Sasuke in there to look at. At the very least, they really wouldn’t look at too much without Naruto. Sakura was walking around the display when someone greeted them. “Welcome in,” they said boredly. Sakura mumbled an absent, “Hello,” and closed her fingers around a doll that looked like Meowth in the face but nowhere else. 

“Is there anything you’re looking for?” 

Sasuke looked up to discern the source of the voice.  _ God fucking—  _ “Sasuke. Sakura.” Neji’s unimpressed face matched his formal tone. “Let me know if you need anything.”

How could Sasuke forget that Neji worked here? 

Sasuke snuck around the side of a shelf and found Sakura trying to decide between two t shirts, one of them with a blue Triforce and the other with a Squirtle with glasses. “Which one looks bett—” Sasuke grabbed her by the shoulders, interrupting her question. 

“Why didn’t you remind me that  _ Neji _ works here?” Sasuke whispered the name.

Sakura’s face screwed into one of mild but growing annoyance. “Why does it matter? Naruto and Hinata are fucking broken up, Sasuke. Plus, he’s a year older than us and shouldn’t give a fuck what happened, anyways. You’re making a scene.”

Sasuke looked over his shoulder. He saw Neji ringing someone up at the counter, still bored. He looked up, and raised an eyebrow in Sasuke and Sakura’s direction. Sasuke faces Sakura once more. “I don’t care if he  _ shouldn’t  _ care, he will, he does. It was always like that, they’re more like siblings than cousins. You know he made her come see me in the hospital?”

“Welcome in,” came Neji’s voice. Sasuke turned his head to see that messy head of sunny hair and that tanned chest, barely covered by the tank top. “Oh,  _ Naruto _ .” The smirk was evident in Neji’s tone. “Let me know if you need anything.”

Naruto only nodded to acknowledge Neji, and came straight over to Sasuke and Sakura. “What’re you guys doing?” 

Sakura wrenched herself loose from Sasuke with a huff. She straightened herself out and held up the shirts for Naruto to choose from. “Sasuke was overreacting about something. Anyways, which one of these is better?”

Sasuke drowned them out. He didn’t know Neji that well, as he was a year older than them. He was also Hinata’s cousin, which is something no one could ever forget. They were always together, even now after Neji had graduated. Like she just needed protection from the big bad world, and that was Neji’s job. He and Naruto hadn’t been too keen on one another for this reason, but Naruto was impossible to  _ dislike _ . Anyway. Neji was texting someone underneath the counter. Sasuke knew who it had to be. Sakura was right, he shouldn’t care, but Sasuke was a whole lot closer to the situation that he’d like to admit. If he didn’t know anything about Neji, he knew that Neji was petty.

“Sauce, c’mere. Look at this!” Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose but didn’t argue, just came over to whatever Naruto was looking at. He could hear his pills rattling around in his pocket. He prayed they weren’t as loud as he thought they were. There were only three left in the bottle.

“What?” 

Naruto was kneeling in front of a rack of Playstation games. “They have  _ Crash Bandicoot _ .” Naruto picked up one of the boxes and showed it to Sasuke, pointing to the title in the middle. “D’you remember? We used to play the second one all the time.”

Sasuke nodded. It was just like Naruto to make him forget all about his paranoia with a few simple words. Sasuke kneeled down next to Naruto and took the box. “You mean, I used to kick your ass,” he said with a grin. 

Naruto shoved him slightly so that Sasuke almost lost his balance. He almost couldn’t catch himself because of his cast. “That’s bullshit,” Naruto laughed.

Sasuke replaced the box and picked up a second one. “You’re just a sore loser. We used to play this too, remember?” It was  _ Spyro the Dragon: Ripto’s Rage _ .

Naruto snatched the box. “Yeah, this one was better.” 

Sasuke snorted. “You mean,  _ you _ were better at that one.”

It was so familiar. Sasuke felt himself at an ease that had nothing to do with his medicine the longer they sat there, talking about being younger. His heart sighed on the inside. Eventually, a hand on each of their shoulders told them that Sakura was done and ready to go. She’d bought the Pokémon game and the Squirtle shirt; apparently that was the one that Naruto had picked. Sasuke checked his phone and saw that indeed, he needed to be home soon, before he started getting phone calls. 

“Alright, you two lovebirds. Enough reminiscing, it’s time to go.” When Sasuke looked at Sakura’s face with weak anger, she returned his look with a saccharine smile.

Sakura dropped them both back off at school, and thanked Naruto for taking her shopping. “Next time, don’t—” Naruto shook his head and shot Sakura a pointed look. She giggled and then sped off.

Sasuke was prepared to head straight to his car, but Naruto insisted that they talk some more. Sasuke was sort of itching to get home, because he didn’t want to get in trouble, but he stayed. They sat in Naruto’s big, dirty white 2005 Tahoe, talking about how the school year had been going so far, until their conversation drifted to today.

“I can’t believe that I just spent all of that money.” Naruto’s eyes were glazed over as he looked straight ahead. He was thinking about something. Sasuke didn’t know whether or not to say anything at first. Naruto blinked once and turned his head to look at Sasuke, keeping his body straight. The full beam of Naruto’s attention was always a little jarring at first. What did Sasuke do with his face, his hands? Well, right now he didn’t have much of a choice in the hands department.

“What’d you owe her for?”

Naruto’s eyes shifted to the front window again. “It was nothing, really.” Sasuke’s eyes grew wide with indignation.

Naruto was lying to him. 

It was the turn of his voice at the end, it was the fact that he looked away, it was the twitch of his fingers in his lap. Naruto was not a good liar, to begin with. 

“Naruto.” Sasuke’s voice grew a little cold. 

Naruto winced at it and returned his eyes to Sasuke. “It was nothing. I don’t wanna talk about it.” Sasuke nodded shortly. He turned to look out the window. He couldn’t look at Naruto right now, when he was lying like this. 

Sasuke had his hand on the door handle, his fingers already pushing at the lock, when she called. Naruto’s phone was on the console, and it wasn’t hard to see the name on the screen. There was no hiding it.

_Hinata_ _would like to Facetime…_

Sasuke’s lips parted in shock. He let out a small choked sound. All of a sudden, something behind his eyes hurt fiercely. He had to close them. It felt like white hot betrayal. Sasuke flexed his hand into a fist, and then released it. Of course. Of course. Could he have expected them to stop talking? Maybe it was what he’d hoped, and after that show Naruto had put on in his hospital room, he had almost been convinced. But just as Sasuke knew, it was impossible to dislike Naruto. It was impossible to stay away from him once you’ve had even the slightest of tastes. He opened his eyes.

“Answer her.”

Naruto’s eyes hadn’t moved from the phone. “What?” He searched Sasuke’s face, but Sasuke kept his face blank and closed off.

Sasuke grit his teeth when Naruto missed the call, and Hinata called again. “Answer her, Naruto. She wants— to talk to you.” Sasuke’s voice snapped the sentence in half. He threw the door of Naruto’s car open and jumped out, ignoring Naruto telling him to come back, begging him.

It wasn’t worth it, to argue with his father, so Sasuke just went straight past him and straight into his room. He threw himself onto his bed after discarding a few pillows onto the floor and shoved his face into one of them that he kept on the bed. Stupid, dumb, pathetic. He’d  _ known _ , he had known. Whether or not this had something to do with Neji didn’t even really matter. Sasuke never allowed himself to be mad at anyone but Hinata before, but now he was angry at Naruto. 

Why would he lie to Sasuke, what was the point of that? It had to be a pretty big something for Naruto to not want to tell Sasuke what it was, and for him to owe Sakura such a lavish trip to the mall. Sasuke turned his wet face from his soaked pillow when he heard his door open. It was Mikoto, already wearing pajamas. She was so pretty, so beautiful, so strong. Sasuke knew that she didn’t wear long sleeves because of the weather; it was just lucky that it was cold.

“Baby? Are you alright?”

Sasuke turned his head away again and opted to not answer. He heard Mikoto pull his door shut and shuffle over to his bed. Her hand in his hair made him take a deep breath and move his body around to face her. “What happened, my son?”

There was no reason to lie to her, now. She knew. Sasuke drew his lip between his teeth for a second. “Mm. I’m sorry I’m late, Mom.” She shook her head and drew him to her chest.

“I don’t care, Sasuke. Tell me why you’re crying.”

Sasuke allowed himself to be cradled to her chest. He still fit there, after all of these years, she liked to say sometimes. “Went to the mall with Sakura and Naruto. He owed her, for something. Saw his ex-girlfriend’s cousin at the store. Sakura told me it didn’t matter, or that it shouldn’t, but it does. I  _ know  _ that they thought I was the reason they broke up. Maybe I was, but it isn’t my fault. Naruto picked me, he picked to pay attention to me and— then we left, and we were talking. He wouldn’t tell me what he owed S-Sakura for. He lied to me.” Sasuke’s fingers tangled into and gripped Mikoto’s hair. “Then she  _ called  _ him, Mom. They’re still talking.” Then Sasuke couldn’t speak, and was reduced once more to just tears.

Mikoto shushed him and eventually he calmed down. It hurt to cry so hard; his chest was still injured, despite the bandages being gone. “I don’t know why he’d lie to you. I don’t know why he’s still talking to her. I don’t know what goes through his head, and neither do you. Only he does. Only he is in control of himself. He’s about to be an adult. It’s his job to get himself together.” Mikoto held Sasuke at an arm’s length to get a look at his face. “And it is your job to worry about yourself, and not him. If you’re meant to know why, you’ll find out. But you have to consider that this isn’t something you want to know, honey. Don’t ask him about it. Let him come to you, if you’re supposed to know.” Sasuke looked at his mother’s face; her gentle smile, her soft eyes. He nodded. 

“Ok. Yeah. Thank you.” 

Mikoto placed a kiss to Sasuke’s forehead. “It’s alright. That’s  _ my  _ job.”

“What is?”

“To see you smile.” Sasuke couldn’t help the way that his lips turned up at the corners. 

“Thank you,” Sasuke repeated, this time softer. He’d never be able to thank her enough. 

Mikoto kissed both of Sasuke’s cheeks and his forehead again. She stood as though to leave, but Sasuke caught her wrist. She winced. Sasuke hadn’t realized his fingers had closed around a bruise. 

“I’m sorry, I just have a question. A, uh, hypothetical question.” Sasuke withdrew his hold on his mother and placed his hand in his lap.

“Have you ever had… a vision? Like. Seeing the future? And you  _ feel  _ everything that happened in it, and then it happened in real life, just the way that you’d seen it in your mind?” Sasuke felt stupid, saying it to her. Mikoto made a strange face and emitted a thoughtful sound. She resumed her place next to Sasuke in the bed.

Rather than answering him, Mikoto asked Sasuke her own question. “Has this happened to you?” Her eyes were full to the brim with concern, but Sasuke was surprised to not find any doubt there. 

Sasuke nodded. A hand came back to his hair and he leaned into it. Without even meaning to, he launched into the story of the lake, and how he’d seen what he’d seen. He didn’t even feel shame to admit that he’d snuck out the window that night (he’d already paid for it). His eyes fell shut as he described his second vision. He hadn’t lived through it yet, but there was something about it that Sasuke felt was already familiar. When he finished, he opened his eyes.

Mikoto’s own eyes were shut. Sasuke remained silent as she ruminated. Eventually, she opened her eyes again, and Sasuke saw an understanding that he wasn’t expecting. 

“Yes,” Mikoto said, giving the smallest of nods. “I have had visions before.”

Sasuke sat all the way up. He was in disbelief, but he knew she’d never lie to him. “Really? About what? And did you almost…” He didn’t want to finish his sentence. 

“Yes.” Her voice was solemn. “It was like this.” 

22 years ago, Mikoto explained, she had met his father. They fell in love from the moment they laid eyes on one another; within a year of them knowing one another, Itachi was born. They got married shortly after that. Mikoto had never, ever thought she’d feel this way. She loved Fugaku, she said, loved him more than life itself. The only person she loved more was Itachi, at the time. 

So it hurt, worse than any words can describe, when Fugaku stepped out on them. They were a young family, Itachi was around 2 or 3. It would be the long nights out, the coming home at 6 am, the lying, the hiding, the sneaking. Mikoto was not stupid. She confronted him, she said, and he lashed out so badly. Itachi cried for days, it seemed. But in that moment, when it seemed that it had all been for naught, Mikoto closed her eyes, and she saw. 

“I saw  _ you _ , Sasuke. Saw you bundled in my arms, whining, cooing, holding my hair. I saw the day you were born. You gave me purpose. And I didn’t know when I’d get to meet you. As I’m sure you know, you don’t exactly  _ know  _ when you’ll live through it. So I waited. It was the knowledge that I’d get to meet you that made me open my eyes again. I knew that I had to— had to live, had to survive, for you. My baby.” Mikoto went on to tell Sasuke that even before she’d met him, she had many more visions of him. Mikoto had seen Sasuke lose his first tooth, had seen him and Itachi mucking about in the backyard, had seen Sasuke’s first day of high school. All of this before he was even born. It made Sasuke upset to think that his father had gone  _ so _ far  _ so _ many times. His hand balled into a fist at his side.

“So that’s why…” Sasuke understood now. All of those moments, and some others now, he realized his mother had seen before they happened. And that’s why she acted the way she did, why she was so emotional. 

Mikoto nodded. “I was just glad to live through it all. To see you grow in real time, instead of in visions.” Her eyes drifted to Sasuke’s fist at his side “Don’t be angry with him, my baby. I love him, despite all that he’s put me through, put us through. And without him, I wouldn’t have you. My prized possession. The most important thing to me.” Mikoto giggled and pressed a finger to her lips. “Shh. Don’t tell your brother.”

“I won’t,” Sasuke said, echoing her laugh. He loved her. He had resented her before, for staying with his father when it was clear that he was not a good man, but now he knew. It was because of love that she endured. Of course, Sasuke knew that it was unconventional and he couldn’t help being angry at his father, but he loved his mother so much that he told himself it would be ok. It would be ok, because one day he’d get her out of here, and away from his abusive father.

“Go to sleep, my baby. You’ve had a long week. You need rest.” Mikoto stood then, and gave a small sigh. Sasuke could almost see her heart swelling. “I’m so very glad you told me,” she said, her voice soft. “But please, don’t do dangerous things just to see the future, my son. You’re all we have.” One last look over Sasuke's body, and then she turned on her heel and left the room. 

Sasuke hadn’t expected her to make him feel so… ok. He was fine. He had told her the truth, and she had told him more than he’d ever expected. She was where he’d gotten it from, the visions. He was saddened to think that she’d had to see those things at all, when his father had almost taken her life multiple times. But he was glad for it, too. He was glad that she had given him such power. 

After changing into his pajamas, Sasuke was texting Sakura and Naruto in their group chat. He wasn’t answering any of Naruto’s texts unless they were directed at him, because he was still angry. Oh, Sasuke could hold this grudge forever, if it was against anyone else. He’d forgive Naruto by the time he woke up in the morning. 

Sasuke went to shove his phone underneath his pillow. He was exhausted, and he just wanted to sleep. One last message, he told himself. Sakura had texted them; he’d read it and then go to sleep. 

Yeah.

**_when are you going to tell him that you fucked her again??_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everything after the map part was an add on (that’s like 4k words. idk what is wrong with me.) let me know what you guys thought of this! i wanted it to be a little longer that just a thousand words lol


	6. Chapter 6

Sasuke could pretend to not know who Sakura was talking about, for the sake of his own sanity, but there was no use in that. In his mind, he knew that there was no reason to forgive Naruto for this. _That’s_ what he owed to Sakura; she had found out and he was trying to keep her quiet. And that’s why he’d lied about it. This was unfathomable. 

To say that he was angry was an understatement. Sasuke had never felt this kind of anger before. It surpassed anger, it surpassed rage. It was red hot— _white_ hot. He wanted to scream, and to cry, and to not feel anything at all. There was a shredding in his chest that had nothing to do with his messed up rib. His heart was positively wrecked. There was no other word for it.

Naruto was calling him. Sasuke declined the call, powered his phone off, turned over and cried himself to sleep.

Sasuke left his phone off the entire weekend. He contemplated blocking Naruto, because he couldn’t _take_ it, but he decided he would just not talk to him. 

On Monday, Sasuke got ready for school like normal. He drove to school like normal. He was prepared to not speak to Naruto or Sakura. He wasn’t as angry at Sakura as he was at Naruto, but he was still mad. She _knew_. She knew and didn’t tell him. They were his best friends, and they’d keep something like this from him?

Sasuke just couldn’t believe that Naruto would do something like this. And he’d kept it from Sasuke; he’d never wanted Sasuke to find out. It was just like Mikoto had said. This was something that he didn’t want to know. He wished that he’d just gone to sleep, or something. Some way, any way to avoid knowing this.

While Sasuke knew Naruto would get to him eventually, he didn’t think it would be so soon. Sasuke heard Naruto before he saw him. For all his squishing through the crowd of the hallway, he didn’t expect Naruto to catch up to him so quickly. 

“Sasuke, Sasuke, please wait.” Naruto was breathless. The throng of people was thinning out as the first bell rang. It was the middle of the day. No one seemed to notice them or care about what they were doing.

Sasuke’s breaths came out weakly. He needed to take some pills. He had refilled his prescription over the weekend, just for times like this. For when he had to face Naruto again, or think about what he’d done. Sasuke knew now that he was a fool; turning to face Naruto, he was still so in love with him. He’d never do anything else but love Naruto, even then. Even after knowing what he knew. Sasuke clutched the strap of his backpack and grit his teeth so that he didn’t cry. Sasuke was finished with crying about Naruto, when Naruto never seemed to care about how he felt.

“Sasuke,” Naruto breathed. His arm came up so that his hand rested on the lockers to cage Sasuke in on one side. On the other side was a wall. There was nowhere to go, now. Something, besides the tardy bell ringing, told Sasuke he was going to miss his next class. He was a fool because he was fine with that. Even though he was angry.

Sasuke glared and tightened his grip on his bag. “What, what the fuck do you want?” By now, they were the only people in the hallway.

“I _want_ to say I’m sorry.” Naruto’s eyes were pleading.

“I don’t care. You fucking lied to me, Naruto. You lied to my face.” Sasuke jabbed a finger at Naruto’s chest. “And _that?_ You fucked her? How many times? Once, twice, five times? Are you kidding me?” Sasuke wanted to leave, he wanted to get away from this. He didn’t want to fight, he just wished that this hadn’t happened. That he hadn’t had to feel like this, and think about it the entire weekend. 

Naruto sighed and looked down at the floor for a second. “It was one time, just one time.”

“When.” Sasuke wished to cross his arms. Stupid cast. He noticed that Naruto’s hand next to his head had balled into a fist. 

“It was weeks ago, ok? Before school started. Or maybe right after. It was, like, a month ago.”

Sasuke scoffed. “Get away from me, you asshole. You _liar_.” Sasuke surprised himself with the venom in his voice. He pushed at Naruto’s chest with all his might, but Naruto wouldn’t budge. “Let me go, Naruto.” This time, when he spoke, it was a little weaker. There was still an edge to it, but it was just faint enough so that Naruto would be able to tell Sasuke didn’t mean it. 

Who was he kidding? He wanted to forgive Naruto for this so badly, already. Without an explanation, without an apology. Naruto was talking to him now, trying to make it right, and that had to count for something. Right?

“No, Sasuke, listen to me.” Something in Naruto’s voice made Sasuke stop trying to get away. It was something hard, something sharp. Sasuke’s back fell flat against the lockers and he looked Naruto directly in his eyes. The blush crossing his face was from their proximity, but he hoped that Naruto would ignore it and focus on what was actually important. They were so, so close together. If Sasuke stood up straighter, or if Naruto ducked his head just a little bit, they could kiss. How sweet that would be. Sasuke’s fingers tugging at the hair on the back of Naruto’s neck, Naruto’s hand pulling Sasuke ever closer until their bodies touched, breathy and burning to the touch. Oh, fuck. Naruto was talking. Sasuke blinked once and made himself listen.

“I know I shouldn’t have done it. I know I shouldn’t have lied about it. I’m sorry. That’s why I owed Sakura. I told her weeks after it happened and she said she was going to tell you. Because you needed to know, and I knew that, but I didn’t _want_ you to. She said she was going to tell you if I didn’t.” Naruto sighed and shook his head. “Well, obviously, I couldn’t do it. I never wanted you to know. I knew it would hurt you, beyond anything I’ve ever done before, and I didn’t want to have to face that. It was already wrong to do it, now she thinks we’re going to get back together, fuck.” Naruto slammed his hand against the lockers, causing Sasuke to jump. “It meant nothing, but she thinks we’re going to get back together. And I hurt you. I fucked up, and I’m _sorry_ , Sasuke.”

The way Naruto said his name nearly made Sasuke’s knees buckle. Almost. Sasuke felt the anger draining from him, dripping like a leaky faucet. There was a sincerity in Naruto’s words, in his eyes, that Sasuke couldn’t deny.

But he also couldn’t deny that Naruto was wrong for this, and that it wouldn’t be this easy. Just as fast as he was about to forgive Naruto, the anger came surging back up.

“I don’t accept your apology.” Sasuke’s tone was matter-of-fact. 

Naruto’s face looked taken aback. “Wh-what?”

“I _said_ ,” Sasuke spit, shoving Naruto hard to free himself, “I don’t accept your apology.”

Free from Naruto’s cage, Sasuke wished to put himself back into it. There had been a delicious tension growing there, one that Sasuke was loathe to break. But this was real life, not fantasy. Not visions. He was in charge of this moment right now, so he had to be strong. He stood in the middle of the hallway now.

“You lied to me. You fucking lied. There’s things we don’t tell each other, yes, ok. But this,” Sasuke waved a hand in the air to gesture abstractly at the situation between them, “this is a lot. You think you can just find me, trap me here, tell me you’re sorry, and it’d be ok again?” By the look on Naruto’s face, Sasuke discerned that that’s exactly what Naruto thought. 

“Well,” Sasuke said, “you’re wrong. This hurt me, Naruto. It’s the first time in, what, ten years, that you’ve just literally lied to my face about something so _big_. Ten years. A decade. This is the kind of thing that makes me not ever want to talk to you again, never see you again. I have never, ever done this to you. Do you get that? Would never. Can’t imagine doing it, even now.” Sasuke turned so that his back was to Naruto. “Of course there are things I wish I hadn’t done, things I wish I could take back, things that I think… would hurt you, if you found out.” Sasuke’s voice was turning to a whisper the longer he went on. “Of course. We’re humans. But I would never lie to you. If you asked me right now, I still wouldn’t lie. Even though you have.”

In his mind were all of the girls, Shikamaru, the pills, the visions. 

Sasuke leaned into Naruto’s hand when it came to his shoulder. No, this wasn’t fair, he told himself as he tried to wrench away. It was pointless. Naruto’s hold on him now included an arm around his chest, and Sasuke didn’t want to get away, anyway. He felt an ache where he knew his heart was, right where Naruto’s hand was. Fool. Foolish.

“Sasuke,” Naruto whispered, bringing Sasuke closer to his chest. Sasuke willed this to end, willed them to be caught, something so that it would have to stop. Before he did something weak. 

“Naruto, let me go,” Sasuke said. His resolve was but dust. 

Naruto used his grip on Sasuke to turn him again, so that they were face to face once more. Somehow, they were _that_ much closer to one another, but Sasuke pretended not to notice. He watched Naruto’s tongue swipe over his bottom lip. He couldn’t hide the way his eyelids fluttered. He knew that Naruto saw. He didn’t care.

“I can’t make you forgive me,” Naruto said. Sasuke snorted. “But, please. What can I do… to make it easier? To change your mind?”

Sasuke looked up to the ceiling as he thought. He wanted to tell Naruto that he’d already forgiven him, that it was fine, that he’d see him later today when school ended. But that wasn’t _strong_. Sasuke needed to be strong, no matter how he felt with Naruto’s hands on him. 

“I don’t know right now. I honestly can’t tell you any one thing, because I don’t know.” Sasuke hated the way Naruto’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “But,” he said, “I guess I know one thing.” 

Naruto’s eyes came back up to Sasuke’s, so hopeful and blue. “Yeah, anything,” he said with a small nod.

Sasuke took his time saying the next part. “If I ask you something, don’t ever fucking lie to me again. I mean it.” His voice was stone cold and barely above a whisper. 

It took everything in Sasuke not to lean up slightly, close the gap between them and press his lips to Naruto’s. It was the only thing he wanted to do as they stood there, their bodies so close that Sasuke didn’t know the difference between his inhale and Naruto’s exhale. He looked into Naruto’s eyes, searched them. He hoped, he prayed that he wasn’t reading this wrong. Sasuke felt himself leaning forward, ever so slightly. He didn’t feel Naruto drawing himself away. Maybe… could he…?

The bell rang.

Sasuke’s breath caught in his throat when he heard it. He closed his eyes tight and pulled himself from Naruto’s grip.

“Will I see you later?” Naruto was begging. Sasuke hated the way it pierced directly through him. He felt himself nodding before he could stop himself, and then he slipped away from Naruto, just as people started to pour into the hallway. Two classes left.

Sasuke thanked his lucky stars that his father was away again. He wouldn’t have to be home as soon as he usually would. Mikoto would understand he told himself. She would.

School could not end fast enough. Sasuke couldn’t believe it was still Monday. He’d already had a week’s worth of emotions, and today wasn’t even over yet. When the final bell rang, Sasuke didn’t really know where his feet were taking him. He had stopped at his locker, and then he’d just fled. Out the doors, down the stairs, past the cars. He didn’t stop for anything, didn’t stop to talk to anyone. He was just moving, moving until he realized that he’d stopped. 

Sasuke found himself in the park across from the school. Oh, he should have known he’d end up here. Besides being one of his favorite places… this is where he always dreamed of confessing to Naruto how he really felt. Sasuke flopped down into the grass. He was sure that he could be seen from campus, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care if there were ants or other bugs. He didn’t care that it was getting a little chilly out here. He didn’t care. None of that really mattered. He needed to be alone, to think and to process. Sasuke sat up, slung his backpack into his lap, and used his good hand to dig into the smallest pocket. He closed his fingers around the bottle and examined it. He’d already taken two of them the night before, when a panic attack had threatened. It would be fine to take one now, it would be fine. He didn’t know how long he sat there, letting the medicine kick in, watching the clouds move across the sky, before he heard someone call his name. 

“Sasuke.” It was Sakura. He looked up and caught sight of her pink hair, flowing loose in the breeze. He looked back down at his hand, where he was clutching his medicine. He kept his back to her, and even as she sat next to him, he didn’t acknowledge her.

She laid a hand over his shoulder. Sasuke allowed it to stay, though he didn’t look at her again. Sakura’s fingers squeezed him lightly, but with _emotion._ “I…”

Sasuke shook his head. “Don’t say it.” He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye before letting his gaze fall on the sky directly ahead of him. Sakura’s hand fell from Sasuke’s shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me? You let me walk around, not knowing that shit.”

Sasuke saw Sakura looking at her lap in his peripheral vision. Good, be guilty, he thought for a wild moment. He didn’t want her to be upset, because she wasn’t the one who was really in the most wrong. She was still not right. It was the conflict in his mind that made Sasuke so upset, more even than what was happening. Why couldn’t he just pick a way to feel? Angry or ok with it. Why was that so hard? 

Because he loved them, he loved Sakura and he _loved_ Naruto. And they had hurt him, but—

“It was for your own good that I didn’t tell you,” Sakura finally said. Sasuke scoffed. “I told him that I wanted to tell you, that you should know… but I couldn’t tell him why. I knew you’d rather die than have someone else tell him how you feel, but he didn’t get it. He just kept saying, “He’ll be fine if he never finds out.” And, yeah, maybe that’s true, but that’s not _right,_ and I should have told you, anyways, instead of letting him just buy me. I’m sorry, Sauce— Sasuke.” 

Sakura’s hand was reaching for his. Sasuke looked from her hand to her eyes. He put his pills back and laid his hand over hers. Sasuke rolled his eyes to the sky. “It isn’t your fault that he did it. I just… wish. That you had told me.” Sakura chewed her lip. “But I know that you mean it. So I forgive you.”

Sakura’s face broke into a small smile after she let out a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank goodness. I didn’t think you’d forgive me.” She took her hand from his and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Sasuke felt her hook her chin over his shoulder for a moment, and she squeezed him tight. When she held him at arm’s length, he returned her small smile. 

“Look, don’t mention it. Seriously. Ever.” 

Sakura nodded. “Way ahead of you.” Her face grew unnaturally serious. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but you have to talk to him.”

Sasuke snorted. “I already did.”

Sakura shook her head. “I know that.” She sighed again, this time with what sounded like some sort of anguish. “But I meant really talk to him. Talk to him, and figure out if you can really forgive him. And if you can, that includes asking him what the fuck he was thinking. Even I couldn’t get that out of him.” 

Sasuke looked away from her. The grass was so soft. He knew that it was inevitable, him forgiving Naruto. Somehow, some way, he was going to end up laying in the dirt with Naruto, feeling hopelessly in love all over again. Somehow, he was going to end up looking Naruto so deep in his eyes that he could almost see his soul. Some way, he was going to feel Naruto’s hand on his face. Sasuke sighed. “Yeah,” he mumbled, “I guess so.”

Sakura stood then, and she held her hand out for Sasuke to take. After helping him up and replacing his bag on his shoulders, Sakura dusted off Sasuke’s shirt. It was something Mikoto would do. “Are you going back, do you want me to walk with you?”

Sasuke looked over his shoulder. In the distance, he could see that the parking lot had emptied out. There was his tiny black car, and Sakura’s equally tiny pink car… and across the lot, all by its lonesome, sat Naruto’s big white Tahoe. It was annoying sometimes, Naruto’s persistence. Sasuke rolled his eyes. He nodded in Sakura’s direction. “Yeah. He’s waiting for me.”

Sakura let Sasuke take his time walking back to the parking lot. He was gathering strength from her, every step they took towards the school. There was really no one there now. The only cars still parked belonged to teachers and sports players. Naruto was there, waiting at Sasuke’s car, leaned against the back of it. Sasuke didn’t try to hide his glare. Sakura pressed a small kiss to Sasuke’s cheek and wished him luck before she left him to Naruto.

“Naruto, go home,” Sasuke said. He didn’t have the energy to be this angry again so soon. Or maybe, he was supposed to, but he was kind of high. Naruto didn’t need to know that. He probably wouldn’t be able to tell, anyway; Sasuke had been much more high than this around Naruto before, and he’d never caught on.

“You know I can’t do that.” Naruto walked around the side of the car to stand face to face with Sasuke. 

“Yes, you can. And you should. I told you it was going to take time. You can’t push it.” Sasuke threw the door open and slid into the driver’s seat. He flung his bag into the backseat and was about to start the car when he felt Naruto pulling on the handle of the passenger’s side. “Damn it,” he mumbled, before sliding his thumb over the button unlock the door.

Being so close to Naruto brought a lot of conflicting feelings to the forefront of Sasuke’s mind in that moment. Usually, he only felt one thing: real live, magnetic attraction. He wanted to be all over Naruto, wanted to feel him, talk to him, hear about his day, hold his hand, kiss his lips, put his fingers into Naruto’s hair, push their bodies together until there was no more space to breath. Now, all of those feelings were beginning to mix with anger and frustration. 

“Tell me the truth, Naruto,” Sasuke whispered. His eyes were narrowed and his voice was wet with the threat of angry tears and poison. Naruto winced at his tone. He wouldn’t look at Sasuke. Something in his lap seemed a lot more interesting. 

“It was a week after your accident.” 

Sasuke choked. 

“I was stressed out, and I was angry, and she could tell. She comforted me when I didn’t really know what to do. And… it was twice.”

Sasuke grit his teeth. “Get out.”

Naruto’s eyes finally caught Sasuke’s, and the look on his face was defiant. “You wanted to know the truth. That’s the truth.”

Sasuke shook his head over and over, until he got dizzy. He reached over Naruto’s body and shoved the door open. “Get _out_.” Naruto caught hold of Sasuke’s shaking hand on the door handle and pulled the door shut again. 

“I didn’t want to lie to you, Sasuke,” Naruto began. Sasuke’s eyes were closed. The anger in him was receding and in its place, coming almost faster than it left, was a deep despair that Sasuke didn’t know how to escape. He was drowning all over again. Sasuke slumped back into his seat and willed Naruto to just stop talking. Stop talking before he said something that they would both regret, or that Sasuke would really never forgive him for.

“I just… look at you, look at you now. I knew that I had messed up too bad to ever want you to know this. And I could barely face you. I don’t know why I’m so selfish. I’m so stupid. Imagine not thinking about your feelings enough to fuck around like that in the first place, but then saying the reason I didn’t tell you was just that. Your feelings. Your feelings. I just want you to forgive me, Sasuke. I _need_ that.” Naruto grumbled then in frustration. “I don’t know why I need it, either. There’s something in me telling me that if you don’t forgive me for this, I’ll regret it forever.”

Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut even tighter. No, no. “You don’t make any sense,” he mumbled, even though to Sasuke it made perfect sense. Whether or not Naruto was realizing it, Sasuke was. Naruto needed Sasuke to forgive him because he didn’t want to lose him. Now Sasuke knew what Sakura’s words had meant from a few days ago. _Sometimes, it takes a while for Naruto to understand things. Some time, and some help_ . Of course. Sakura had probably seen it from a mile away, too. Naruto _did_ have feelings for Sasuke. He just didn’t know that. 

“I know it doesn’t make sense. It’s just how it is. I wish I knew the name of this feeling.” Naruto’s voice sounded closer. Sasuke cracked one of his eyes open and saw Naruto had leaned in a lot closer. He let his eye shut again. Too much confrontation in one day. He couldn’t believe Naruto was so dumb. How could he love someone who couldn’t even realize that they had feelings for him too, without being told?

“Sakura says it’s because you’re important to me, but _important_ isn’t the word. It’s not strong enough.” Naruto gave a huff. _Precious,_ Sasuke wanted to supply, but he kept himself silent. He felt Naruto’s hand on his knee, which jolted him to attention. 

“No, no. No. I need time, and you need time, too. Time to figure yourself out and to… to learn things.” Sasuke drew himself away from Naruto’s touch, despite how much it hurt to do it. All he wanted to do was to be wrapped up in Naruto for the rest of his life. But he couldn’t, not right now. Not soon. 

The look on Naruto’s face could only be described as hurt. He nodded after sucking in a sharp breath. “Yeah. Yeah. Time. Time is good.” Sasuke watched as Naruto withdrew his hand. 

“I’m sorry,” Naruto whispered one last time before exiting the car. Sasuke waited until Naruto had left before he really let himself feel it. 

He brought the heel of his hand up to his eyes to maybe stifle the tears as they fell, but it was no use. He was sobbing before he could stop himself, before he knew what was happening. It was worse than Friday night, because now he knew why Naruto had lied to him. What he’d lied about. Somehow, Naruto knew that this would affect him like this, and he’d still gone on and did it. He had that much insight, but not enough. It made Sasuke sick, to think that Naruto's excuse was his accident. That the _stress_ from worrying about Sasuke had driven Naruto back into Hinata’s arms. That was the entire reason that she had broken up with Naruto to begin with; he was paying too much attention to Sasuke. 

Maybe the worst part was that Sasuke knew how Naruto felt better than Naruto did. He could see it in Naruto’s eyes, the words that he _should_ have been saying, but Naruto hadn’t connected it. He didn’t even care to see the next vision come to life anymore, he didn’t care. He didn’t want to be that close to Naruto right now, and he didn’t see himself wanting that for a long time. Well, that was only halfway true. Sasuke wished to be that close and _closer_ to Naruto, but it wasn’t right. There was only one thing that he really wanted to do, but Mikoto’s words were in his head, wrapping about his mind and telling him to stop. _Please, don’t do dangerous things to see the future_. He wasn’t trying to see the future now, but his mother had begged him. 

_You’re all we have_. 

So Sasuke made himself drive home, and he didn’t do anything dumb. For Mikoto. For Itachi. For his family.

For his future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m not sure how i really felt about this one, but i think the next one will be a lot better. it’ll definitely be longer! i hope you enjoyed it, despite how i felt about it


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long delay, i was trying to make this perfect and in the process i had to delete so much. i really really love you guys and the fact that you’re invested in this really makes me wanna keep it up. let me know how you liked this one!

_“Sasuke_.”

Itachi’s mouth was turned into a deep frown. He looked so much like their father that Sasuke could almost laugh, if they weren’t talking about something so serious.

“I just didn’t think about it…?” Sasuke lifted one shoulder in a shrug.

Itachi shook his head. Over his features lay an expression of deep disappointment. “So you’ve got this boy thinking, for _weeks_ now, that he’s just done the unthinkable. And that he’s hurt you beyond repair. You’ve never felt this kind of pain, and it’ll be impossible to forgive him. But, Sasuke.” Sasuke tilted his head towards Itachi. They were outside in Itachi’s garden. It was one of the places where Fugaku never came to look for them. 

Sasuke sighed and looked down at the dirt near his bare feet. “Tell me, say it. I need to hear it.” 

Itachi crossed his arms and leaned his weight onto one leg. “You have _literally_ done the same thing as him. This might even be worse, because he lied to you once. You’ve been lying to him for years.” 

And it _would_ be Itachi to be the one to tell him this. Itachi knew everything, and he certainly knew better than to let Sasuke think he was right about this. Sasuke had decided to come clean about the things he had been doing before, all in the efforts of getting advice. Itachi had only said he wished that Sasuke had told him sooner. 

It had been weeks, so many that Sasuke’s cast was gone now. Naruto’s birthday was next week. Naruto sought Sasuke out and apologized to him at least twice a week. It had to be that way, because Sasuke would only speak to Naruto if Naruto prefaced their conversation with some form of “I’m sorry.” Sakura begged Sasuke to just forgive Naruto, because seeing him so upset was hard. And it was hard for Sasuke, too, of course. But he’d told Itachi that he’d brought it upon himself, he shouldn’t have lied. 

“Lied about what?” Itachi had asked, and now they were here. Itachi was right. 

“You’re selfish, Sasuke. Just because you love him, and it is clear that he loves you too, does not mean that you can do this. Guilt him into paying more attention to you.” Itachi shook his head again. Sasuke hated that Itachi was right, had never been more right about anything before. 

“So, what? What do I do?” Sasuke didn’t think it was as easy as just saying _yes, I forgive you_ after the way he’d been acting so put upon for weeks.

“First of all,” Itachi began, walking between the rows of strawberries and blueberries that he was growing, “you need to forgive him.” Sasuke sighed, trailing behind Itachi was he went. That much was obvious. 

“And then?”

Itachi stopped and turned on his heel to face Sasuke. “And then, little brother…” Itachi’s hands came up to inspect him, just the way Mikoto did. From his hair to his face to his chin to his shoulders. “You need to apologize to _him._ And tell him the truth.”

Sasuke looked down at the dirt. His shoulders beneath Itachi’s hands sagged down in defeat. “Yeah,” he said finally, looking back to Itachi’s stern eyes. “I will.”

***

“I’m so glad you called me,” Naruto was saying. He held the door open for Sasuke to enter the coffee shop. Sasuke suddenly regretted not having Sakura come with him. He’d been debating asking her to come, for moral support, but he knew that he had to be strong and do this alone. Now, he wished that he had just been weak. 

“Uh, yeah.”

It’s been a few days since Itachi told Sasuke what he already knew. He had been replaying the conversation in his head over and over, trying to think of the best possible way to do it. Of course, Sasuke knew there were probably better ways to tell Naruto that he, too, was a liar and that he, too, had been doing bad things, but this was all he could think of. Sasuke had also been trying to slowly put his and Naruto’s interactions back to normal. He went after Naruto sometimes, and he didn’t make him say sorry every five seconds. He’d realized how wrong he was about that, too.

Naruto let Sasuke pick their seats after they had each placed their orders at the counter. He picked a table close to the windows, with high chairs. Sasuke knew that Naruto liked to climb up into them. It wasn’t so cold this afternoon, which Sasuke was thankful for. Naruto’s eyes were excited when they finally sat across from one another. 

“So? What’d you have to tell me?”

Sasuke picked at the residue of a sticker that was on the table rather than look at Naruto’s eager and expectant face. “It’s kind of a long story,” Sasuke said. 

Naruto shrugged. “Today is Friday, we already went to school. We have all day.” He offered the smallest of smiles. 

Sasuke could see that Naruto didn’t care at all how serious it was; he was just glad that Sasuke had sought him out instead of the other way around. Sasuke wished that he wasn’t about to say what he knew he had to say. He waited until they had their drinks before he began, so that there would be no interruptions.

“So, first,” Sasuke said, twisting his straw around in his coffee, “I want to say, to your face, that I forgive you. Really forgive you,” he added when he saw the look on Naruto’s face. “This isn’t a trick.”

Naruto still wore an expression of disbelief. “Why? I mean, what’s brought this on?” 

“Um. Revelations. Anyway,” Sasuke ploughed through Naruto’s questions, “I have to tell you something. I have to be honest with you. As part of my revelations.”

“Sasuke, I barely know what that word means.” Naruto took a sip of his hot _whatever_ it was and when he put his cup down, there was some of it on his top lip. Sasuke’s heart sighed. 

“It’s, like… realizing something. Clean your face, dork.” Sasuke offered Naruto a few napkins, which he look and wiped his face clean. 

“Realizing something. What’d you realize, Sauce?”

Sasuke flicked his straw paper at Naruto’s face. “ _Sasuke_. My bad.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes lightly and sat up straight. He breathed a little shakily before he spoke. “I realized that I have been… wrong.”

“Mm?” Naruto was sipping his drink.

“I have been wrong, really wrong. For treating you the way I was for all these weeks.” Sasuke hoped his voice was a whole lot more even than he thought it was. Naruto looked as though he didn’t really know what to say, so Sasuke took the opportunity to keep going. If he stopped in the middle he’d lose his resolve.

“I was angry, and that’s why I was so selfish, I guess. I just wanted it to be all about me and how I felt.” Sasuke turned his head a little to catch a glimpse of the sun as it mounted higher and higher in the sky. The light was hitting Naruto’s hair so perfectly. Like he was wearing a halo. An angel that Sasuke didn’t deserve to be sitting in front of. An angel that Sasuke knew he was about to hurt.

“I lied to you, Naruto,” Sasuke mumbled.

“What? I didn’t hear you?” Naruto took another large sip of his drink. This time none of it came off on his face.

“I lied to you,” Sasuke repeated, just slightly louder. He wanted to close his eyes; he didn’t want to see it dawn on Naruto’s face. But he had to be _strong_. Naruto’s eyes widened, but then his eyebrows drew together.

“What… do you mean? About what?”

Sasuke sighed deeply. There were a lot of ways he could start saying it, but he couldn’t think of any right now. It would be better to just say it.

“I’m not a virgin, Naruto.”

Naruto’s mouth opened slightly, but he didn’t say anything. Sasuke saw his fingers curl into a fist around his cup. Sasuke took a nervous sip of his coffee and shivered. 

“Explain.”

The tone of Naruto’s voice caught Sasuke off guard. He sounded exasperated, but there was an edge to his voice that Sasuke wasn’t used to. He didn’t think he’d ever heard Naruto speak like this.

“Uh. Freshman year, when we both tried out for soccer? It made me pretty popular, I think you remember. Even though I didn’t make the team,” Sasuke said. Naruto nodded wordlessly. “That’s where it started, really. They just kept coming at me, dunno. I was saying no at first, because I…” _love you,_ “didn’t want to, I guess. But then I started to wonder how it felt. So I said yes to one girl, and then another, and another.” Sasuke shrugged. “My dad caught me sneaking out the window once. Most of them have moved away by now, or go to different schools.”

“Do I know any of them? Did I?” 

Sasuke nodded. 

Naruto scoffed. “Keep going.” He waved his hand in Sasuke’s direction, gesturing for him to continue.

“That was freshman year. Like… the whole year.” Sasuke chewed his lip. “Then in tenth grade. Things changed.”

“Changed?” 

Sasuke nodded. “Changed.”

“Tell me,” Naruto said. He had finished his coffee and was now paying rapt attention to Sasuke’s every word. 

Sasuke exhaled in what couldn’t quite be described as a sigh. More of a huff. This part was harder to say. It was admittedly easy to admit he’d been having sex with girls. That was… that was what Naruto would expect. That was what anyone would expect. That was what was normal, what every boy their age did. But Sasuke had to say it, had to face it, and he had to be honest. He’d already been lying for years. 

“You know, mm, Shikamaru?” Sasuke could only barely look at Naruto’s face. 

Naruto nodded. “Yes. He’s friends with Ino, and Choji. Sakura hates him. He smokes with the basketball coach. What about him?” Sasuke remained silent, hoping that Narhto would just get it and that he wouldn’t have to say it. But Naruto’s face remained just as blank. 

So Sasuke ventured out on the limb he had been so afraid of falling from, and just said it. “I had sex with him? A lot?”

Naruto’s hand rubbed over his face. His fist gripped some of his hair before he let it fall back into the table. Sasuke recognized discomfort on Naruto’s face, but also something hot in his eyes. Something that Sasuke felt he shouldn’t have touched, but was active now. Naruto’s eyes were so alive. There was fire there, something so hot that Sasuke had to look away. A different sort of heat than anger.

Jealousy?

“So you’re telling me. You’re telling me that you did all that you did, you said all that you said, made me _feel_ all that I _felt_ for weeks now. Because I fucked Hinata twice,” Sasuke winced at Naruto’s harsh language, “but you’ve been doing all of that? And for years?” 

All Sasuke could do was look down at the table. 

“You said you’d never do that to me,” Naruto said, “lie to me, to my face. You were so _hurt,_ Sasuke. How can you, how could you—” Naruto cut himself off with a broken sound. It made Sasuke look up, just in time to see Naruto pushing back his chair and standing up. “I just need a minute.”

Sasuke watched as Naruto walked the few steps it took to get to the restroom. As soon as the door clicked closed, Sasuke dug into his pocket for his phone. 

**Sasuke:** **_I think he’s mad._ **

Sasuke watched the dots move around on the screen as Sakura typed. 

**Sakura:** **_of course he is_ **

**Sakura:** **_but what happened?_ **

Sasuke recounted everything to her that had happened so far. He jiggled his knee impatiently and glanced quickly at the restroom door to make sure Naruto wasn’t coming. 

**Sakura:** **_did he leave?_ **

**Sasuke:** **_No, he went to the bathroom._ **

Sakura sent a thoughtful emoji.

 **Sakura:** **_do you think he’d tell you why he did it?_ **

**Sasuke:** **_Does that matter now?_ **

**Sakura:** **_i guess you’re right._ **

**Sasuke:** **_I wish you were here._ **

**Sakura:** **_i wish i was there, too!_ **

Sasuke was about to ask Sakura what he should do next, but then Naruto came back out of the bathroom. Sasuke stashed his phone back in his pocket and placed his clasped hands on the table. There were still soap suds on Naruto’s hands. Sasuke couldn’t help fidgeting underneath Naruto’s hard gaze. He waited with apprehension and impatience as Naruto seemed to be gathering his thoughts. 

“I guess…”

“You guess?” Sasuke found himself leaning in without meaning to. His hands were sweating.

“I guess we're just a couple of fucking liars.”

Sasuke fell back in his chair. “Hm?” He didn’t try to hide his confusion.

Naruto shrugged. “I mean, I’m upset. Very pissed off. In disbelief. Annoyed, betrayed, angry, a whole lot of things that I can’t even describe. Part of me doesn’t know how I feel. And it doesn’t compare _at all_ to what I did,” Naruto said pointedly, “but.” Naruto drew in a sharp breath. 

“But?” 

Naruto let his breath out in a deep sigh. “I’m glad that you told me, even if it took… this. Me fucking up. We are fucked up, we just are. And we lied to each other, over and over. You lied to me, and I lied to you. So we could just, ah, never forgive one another, that’s something.” Naruto was tapping his fingers against his now empty cup. Sasuke felt his own fingers tapping along against his leg in spite of himself. He was holding his breath without meaning to. Hearing Naruto say _never forgive_ made Sasuke’s head hurt.

“But that’s not something I want to do,” Naruto said. “I don’t want to not forgive you. And I don’t want you to not forgive me. Throw away ten years of friendship because we’re _both_ liars. That would be stupid.” 

Sasuke shook his cup a few times and spun the whipped cream and caramel together at the bottom so that he could drink it. “So… what do you want to do?” In the back of his mind, Sasuke wondered how this situation had gone from him holding all the cards to having all of that power shifting to Naruto. It was up to Naruto now, whatever they did. Sasuke sort of hated it, but there was nothing he could do. He was no more right in this situation than Naruto; if anything, he was the one who was just plain wrong.

“I don’t think I can forgive you for that today, or tomorrow. I don’t know.” Naruto shook his head. “I don’t know how long it’s going to take. I told you before, we’ll be around each other forever. I’ll never get tired of being around you, something like that.”

Sasuke stopped his straw swirling and nearly dropped his cup all together. “You… you remember that?” Sasuke’s voice was trembling. He ran a nervous hand through his hair. Naruto remembered that conversation, that conversation when they’d had when they were just two scraped up, sweaty kids in the woods next to Naruto’s house. The day Sasuke realized that he was in love with Naruto, _really_ in love with him. Naruto remembered that conversation from nearly ten years ago. 

“Of course I do,” Naruto said, and he made a face as though Sasuke was silly to suggest he wouldn’t remember. “Anyway, I told you that stuff, and I meant it. It’s just going to take time. Time for me to… understand. I’m not mad that you did those things,” Naruto clarified, putting a hand out. “I’m mad that you lied to me, and then you lied about lying, and acted like my lying was the worst possible thing on Earth. You’re obviously allowed to… do whatever you want.” Sasuke caught the hesitation, but pretended not to.

Sasuke nodded. That was the least they could do. Just give one another time, real time. Not only to come to grips with what they’d done to each other, but with themselves, and why they couldn’t just tell each other the truth. Yeah. That made the most sense. 

“Does space go with time?” Sasuke’s voice was hopeful, but his shoulders fell and he huffed when Naruto nodded. 

“Yes. Time _and_ space.” 

Sasuke sighed. He’d figured as much.

Naruto’s eyes were out the window. Sasuke turned his head to follow Naruto’s gaze. After looking between Naruto and the window a few times, Sasuke discerned that Naruto was just looking at the sun. “That’s bad for your eyes,” Sasuke said. Naruto shrugged. 

“It’s gorgeous. Come to my birthday party.”

“Birthday party?”

Naruto looked back in Sasuke’s direction and blinked the sun out of his eyes before he nodded. “Yeah. Sakura convinced me to have a party, since it’s my 18th birthday. My parents said it was ok, they’d go and… dunno, they’re gonna go away. For the night. And _Ino_ said she would bring drinks.” Sasuke’s eyebrow quirked. 

“Drinks? Naruto.” Sasuke’s voice was stern. He reminded himself of Itachi.

“What? It’ll be fine,” Naruto said. He had the gall to laugh.

“I don’t like that,” Sasuke said childishly.

“You take pills, Sasuke. Not in a position to lecture me about _vices_.”

Ah.

“Fair enough. I’ll be there.”

Naruto stood before Sasuke did. He held out his hand for Sasuke to shake. “Time and space. A week, or something.”

Sasuke took Naruto’s hand and nodded just slightly. “Time and space,” he agreed. 

They talked sparingly for the next week. It hurt. It wasn’t the sort of hurt Sasuke was used to, or that he thought he could ever get over. Watching Naruto look at him, seeing his eyes light up, before he walked away always made Sasuke feel like he was going to shatter. Seeing Naruto from afar, talking, smiling, laughing, and not being there was enough to make Sasuke not want to have eyes at all. He’d rather be blind than have to see Naruto be away from him. The only time they spoke was to say “excuse me” in the hallway, or through Sakura. Sakura got sick of them and having to be their telephone, but she knew that they needed the space. 

And then, it was Naruto’s birthday. Sasuke had been working on Naruto’s birthday present for the entire week, his school work be damned. He’d be fine to miss homework for this last week, because he was working on something _important_. Usually, Sasuke would bring Naruto’s birthday present to school, if applicable, because of how impatient Naruto could be. However, this was different now. Everything was different. He didn’t think it would be for the best if he brought Naruto’s present, simply because he didn’t know when or how they’d reunite. It was a big present and he didn’t want to just be standing there with it without knowing whether or not Naruto would even come to see him.

So Sasuke left Naruto’s present at his house, to be retrieved when he went over later. He had promised Naruto’s mother that he would be over later, so he didn’t really have a choice. And it was just like Naruto to not bother to tell his parents what was going on between them, so Kushina wouldn’t know better. 

Naruto caught Sasuke at his locker. “Hi,” Naruto said. His voice was small, but Sasuke still heard him even through the ruckus of the hallways. Naruto had a pin on his orange button down shirt, and there were already dollar bills sticking off of it. Naruto had actually done his hair today, Sasuke could see. He could smell the gel, and Naruto’s cologne. A new smell, Sasuke hated himself for noticing. Probably a present from his mother.

“Hi,” Sasuke replied, turning from his books. The corner of his mouth turned up just slightly. “Happy birthday.” Naruto returned Sasuke’s smile with his own shiny grin, and then he enveloped Sasuke in an embrace that caught the latter so off guard that he gasped. He winced because Naruto’s arms were squeezing around his chest so tight that he could feel it in his messed up rib, but he still leaned into it and wrapped his arms around Naruto’s middle.

Sasuke had missed Naruto so deeply. Their dynamic had changed so much in the past month that Sasuke was eager to just go back to normal. He had thought every night when he was alone in the dark about how he’d lied to Naruto, and why he’d felt like he’d needed to lie in the first place. He’d been afraid. Afraid of judgement, afraid of scrutinization, afraid of ridicule. Afraid that if Naruto knew the truth, they wouldn’t be friends anymore, or something. Sasuke had been afraid that if he’d told Naruto, he would judge him for who he was, when Naruto wasn’t like that. He would never be that way. Of course, he should have just told Naruto what was going on. Sasuke had just been selfish, and a coward. 

Naruto let Sasuke go after what seemed like an eternity. Sasuke felt Naruto searching his face, but he didn’t close himself off. Oh, how time had made Sasuke’s heart grow weak. Naruto still held Sasuke’s shoulders. “How are you?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “I’m fine. It’s been a week, not a year. I haven’t been to war. I was feeding my snake.”

“I was still worried,” Naruto said, pointing a finger into Sasuke’s chest. 

Naruto was so warm. It was almost like they hadn’t just killed themselves staying away from each other for a week. Almost. The pain was still there, because while Sasuke had forgiven Naruto for lying, for doing what he’d done to begin with, he wasn’t quite sure Naruto had forgiven him. And that uncertainty turned itself into something sad, the longer Sasuke stood and looked into Naruto’s eyes.

Sasuke reached his hand up to fiddle with the bills hanging from Naruto’s shirt. “How much is this? Who the fuck did you sucker into giving you money?”

Naruto’s chuckle was music to Sasuke’s ears. Naruto caught hold of Sasuke’s wrist. “Mr Hatake, Ms Senju, Sakura, Ino, Choji, Kiba… Mr Sarutobi.” When Naruto hesitated, Sasuke’s eyes drifted from Naruto’s tan fingers curled around his wrist to his eyes.

“Can’t believe that. You won’t be getting any money outta _me_ ,” Sasuke said defiantly. He jerked free from Naruto’s hold. Suddenly, he felt a lot more fidgety. “So, I’ll be over later, yeah?” Sasuke did everything he could not to keep his eyes trained on his shoes.

Naruto nodded. “Yeah, they’re expecting to see you. Before the _party._ ” Naruto did that thing with his eyebrows, where he wiggled them stupidly. Sasuke shoved him lightly and they started walking. They were so close together that their shoulders kept bumping. Naruto turned his gaze onto Sasuke. “So, what’d you get me?” He was grinning.

“Don’t worry about all that,” Sasuke said surely. “You’re going to love it.”

In truth, Sasuke didn’t know how much Naruto would really like his present. He’d spent so, so much time on it. Ever since Naruto had invited him to his _party._ (Sasuke had never been to a party, let alone one with drinks.) He’d put off essays, projects and other miscellaneous assignments working on Naruto’s present. He’d run the family’s printer out of ink and ruined his mother’s home and lifestyle magazines. All day, all Sasuke thought about was whether or not Naruto would like it.

After school, Sasuke’s hands were shaking. He was waiting for Naruto to be finished with soccer practice, sitting in the afternoon sun all alone. Alone with his feelings, the falling leaves, and the autumn breeze. Sasuke flexed his left arm a few times; it still felt so weak compared to his other one because of the months it spent in the cast. He dug his hand into the pocket of his shorts, wrapping his fingers around the bottle he found there. “No,” Sasuke mumbled to himself. There was no need, there was no need, but he still found himself pulling the bottle from his pocket and opening it. Sasuke’s fingers were so quaky that he barely had the strength to open the damn bottle. Two for now, that would be fine. And no one had to know

Around the fence, Sasuke saw Hinata. “What the fuck,” he muttered. He was on his way to high as he watched her pushing her fingers together, the way she always did whenever she was watching Naruto from far away. Sasuke rolled his eyes. Next to her feet was a box with a bow on it. She was there for Naruto, of course. Sasuke didn’t want to start a scene, but he couldn’t help watching her. It had been almost 6 months at this point since she and Naruto had broken up. Of course, the _thing_ had happened, but Naruto had assured Sasuke that it had meant nothing, and that they were just friends right now. 

Soccer practice ended but Sasuke didn’t go down to the fence like he usually did. He didn’t want to give Hinata a reason to speak to him, even if it was small talk. Especially not when he wasn’t really in his right mind. Sasuke watched with squinted eyes as Naruto went to talk to her. She stooped to the ground, picked up the box, and handed it to Naruto. It was nearly a square, but it was taller than it was wide. Naruto shook it close to his ear as though he might be able to discern what was in it. Hinata stood back and watched with apprehension clear on her face, even from this distance. Sasuke’s chin was in his hand as his elbow rested on his knee. His other knee jiggled restlessly, and his other hand clutched his medicine. He saw Naruto begin to rip the paper off the gift, but Hinata shook her head fast and waved her hands, which prompted Naruto to stop. He placed his hand on his hip and said something that seemed to be an argument. He’d shoved the box up underneath his other arm. Hinata mimicked his stance with both her hands on her hips, and leaned forward as she argued back. She talked with her hands. Naruto eventually shrugged, interrupting her rant. His hand came out to tuck some of her hair behind her ear, and her hand came up to catch it. For a long moment they stood just like that, and Sasuke thought he might vomit.

Finally, _finally,_ Hinata turned her head as though she’d been called. Sasuke’s eyes followed her gaze and saw Neji standing a ways away, his arms crossed and his foot tapping with impatience. Sasuke could just barely hear him calling out to Hinata; he wondered vaguely why Neji still hung around, even after he’d graduated. Hinata was nearly an adult, surely she could take care of herself.

Hinata turned to look at Naruto again, before her eyes turned down to the ground. Sasuke had seen just about enough by the time she finally looked up again. He stood fast, shoving his pills back into his pocket, and stomped his way down the bleachers two at a time. 

“Naruto!” Sasuke held his hand up as he called out. Hinata looked up and the flush on her face only got darker. She didn’t say anything before she turned on her heel and went to Neji, who gathered her up with force and a look thrown over his shoulder at the two of them. Sasuke watched them leave with a look of contempt that he couldn’t hide. The _nerve_ of some people, coming into situations whenever they wanted to, without thinking about how it would make other people feel.

“Are you ready?” Sasuke forced himself to speak with an even and measured voice. 

Naruto still seemed a little put off by whatever he and Hinata had argued about. He was still looking at the place that she’d disappeared. “Huh? Oh, yeah. Go ahead without me.”

Sasuke’s eyebrows drew together in confusion and dismay, but Naruto didn’t notice. Sasuke sighed. He decided that this wasn’t his business, and certainly was nothing he should worry himself about. They weren’t lying to each other anymore. Whatever this was, if it mattered any, Naruto would tell him. “Yeah, ok.” 

The whole way back to his house, Sasuke felt annoyance creeping up his spine slowly. He thought about the blush on Hinata’s face after Naruto had touched her so intimately. He thought about the way they’d argued, the way he’d seen them argue a million times before. He thought about the fact that she had still been bothered to get Naruto something after all this time. He thought about how they were still fucking talking. He thought about everything but the unthinkable. Sasuke’s knuckles grew white on the wheel. Why did this always happen, why did she have this power? One word from her made Sasuke feel like breathing fire. 

The worst part really was that Naruto was too _nice._ He had kept talking to her, even after she had broken his heart, because he was too nice. It was different now, of course. It wasn’t the way it had been, when Naruto dropped everything just to be with her when she asked, but it still fucking sucked. Sasuke had almost let himself hope that they would just go back to the way they were before, when Hinata fainted at the idea of talking to Naruto and Naruto didn’t notice, and only had time for Sasuke. That was… before. And now it was all too friendly for Sasuke’s liking, especially given what he knew now. Sasuke knew he was jealous, and he knew how pointless that was, but people don’t do things because they make sense. People do things because their emotions tell them to.

Sasuke parked hastily on the street in front of his house. In and out, he told himself. Sasuke heard his keys and his pills rattling around in his pockets as he ran up the driveway. His parent’s car was in the driveway. Itachi’s wasn’t. Sasuke’s hands were shaking again when he unlocked the door and opened it. 

“Boy.”

Sasuke hadn’t set two steps into the house before his father was calling out to him. He turned slowly, trying to compose and steel himself for the interaction. “Yes, Dad?”

Fugaku was on the sofa, papers strewn all around him. He’d gotten the mail, too, Sasuke saw. He spied an envelope with his name on it, but he couldn’t see who or where it was from. Sasuke came around the sofa and stood facing his father. “Going somewhere?”

Sasuke’s eyes drifted around the room. “Yeah,” he answered simply. “To Naruto’s. He’s throwing a party. It’s… his birthday. I’m spending the night.”

Fugaku finally looked at Sasuke. “Let me see your arm,” he said. Sasuke reluctantly held out his arm and tried his best not to wince away from Fugaku’s touch. He hadn’t been drinking as much lately, but that didn’t mean he never did. And it didn’t mean that all of the stuff that he’d done before just went away. Sasuke’s mind flitted briefly to the talk he’d had with his mother, about her visions. His right hand clenched into a fist as Fugaku’s index finger traced the veins of Sasuke’s left arm all the way from the inside of his arm to his wrist.

“You be careful with that boy. You do dangerous things when you’re around him,” Fugaku said. Sasuke pulled his arm back before it got any more weird than it already was. Fugaku went back to rifling through his papers. He gestured to the pile of mail. “Some of those are for you, from schools,” he said offhandedly. Sasuke gathered up the envelopes and sorted through which ones had his name on them as he walked to his room. 

Sasuke hadn’t been sure how to wrap Naruto’s gift, so he just didn’t. He had to hold it sideways as he traveled down the hallway with it. His father didn’t bother him on his way out the door. Sasuke nearly forgot to lock the door behind himself in his haste.

“Sasuke! Naruto is in the yard. Oh, how sweet! Let me get a good look at it.” Kushina ruffled Sasuke’s hair. Sasuke blushed and brandished the present for her to see. Her eyes lit up with excitement and she clapped her hands together. “It’s so good! Better than I even imagined. You sure are creative, Sasuke. He is so lucky to have such a thoughtful friend.” Kushina threw her thumb behind her. “Well, the boy’s in the back. Run along now. We’ll be gone soon enough.” 

Sasuke have a small smile. “Uh, yes, yeah.” Kushina moved out of the doorway to let Sasuke through the door, and she went into her office. She was always so busy, doing work. Sasuke could smell and could hear Minato banging around in the kitchen. He wondered when they would leave. Sasuke held his gift to his chest, inhaled a deep breath. He let it out as he opened the door to the backyard. 

“Naruto!”

Sasuke ran out onto the grass, delirious, making sure to keep his present out of Naruto’s view to the best of his ability. Naruto was lying on the grass, and he sat up on his elbow when he heard Sasuke call out to him. He grinned wide for a moment, and then his face grew suspicious. “Oh, is that it? Let me see it! Please, please, come on!” Naruto sounded so needy, Sasuke could almost laugh. He wished that he had left his medicine in the car, because it was rattling loud at his side. It didn’t matter now, though. He didn’t have to hide that anymore, either. Once he was sitting next to Naruto, Sasuke brought his arms from behind his back and brandished his hard work. 

Sasuke had gathered inspiration from the map they’d seen that day. He knew how Naruto felt about travel, and the world, and being somewhere that wasn’t _here_ . For a week now, Sasuke been taking clippings from magazines, printing out pictures, as well as finding and compiling pictures of Naruto and all of his friends. It was what he did whenever he missed Naruto too much. Sasuke had created a map on a cork board of all of the places around the country Naruto had expressed desire to visit, or that he’d already been. If Naruto had been there, Sasuke used a picture of him. If he hadn’t, Sasuke used a picture he’d gotten from a magazine or a website. On the other side of every picture was a fact about the location that even Naruto wouldn’t know. The research itself had taken hours, never mind the painstaking time it took to make sure everything would fit. Minato and Kushina had been his biggest help, of course, but it was all created from Sasuke’s mind. There were a _lot_ of pins in the map. It was harder finding places Naruto _hadn’t_ said he’d wanted to visit. Sasuke held it up for Naruto to see while Naruto sat up all the way and started lifting the flaps. 

“Do you like it?” Sasuke’s voice was nervous, fretful. “It took me so long, literally I worked on it for this entire last week.” This present was for two things. Yes, today was Naruto’s birthday. But Sasuke was also hoping that this would be enough for them to go back to normal. No one else could have made Naruto something so _Naruto,_ so in tune with his interests. Sasuke’s fingers tapped on his arm while he waited for Naruto to answer, to say something.

Naruto was still inspecting the board carefully, his eyes roving over it, his fingers probing every secret of it that Sasuke had tried to store. Eventually, Naruto nodded his head.

“Yes. I love it.” Ha, love. What a word.

Sasuke’s face broke into a relieved smile. Naruto took the board from him, and Sasuke noticed that Naruto’s attention was focused on the pin and the picture denoting home. “I like this one, especially,” Naruto said, touching the picture with his thumb. It was a picture of him and Naruto that Sakura had taken a long time ago, a lifetime ago, of them asleep in a heap in the grass. 

Sasuke leaned forward. “Why?”

“Because it’s home. It’s home, and you chose a picture of us.”

Sasuke’s throat was so dry. He shivered, but it had nothing to do with the breeze that blew some of his hair into his eyes. Sasuke pushed his hair back out of his face and kept his eyes trained intently on the grass. It stirred in the wind, too. 

Naruto laid the board down next to him, and then he laid back down on the grass. Sasuke laid next to him. He was beginning to get that familiar feeling again, that subtle dejá vù. He’d felt this feeling before. He’d felt these breezes before, and the shivers running up his spine. He’d seen these sights before. He’d seen Naruto like this before, this close, so close that he could touch. Sasuke knew what was going to happen. And though he knew, he still wasn’t ready to hear Naruto say it.

“Sasuke,” Naruto mumbled. It was hard to hear because his face was turned up, towards the high sun. “Ya know, ever since you got better, I’ve been meaning to tell you something,” Naruto said. Sasuke turned his head, just as he’d seen himself do in his vision all those months ago. “Oh? What’s that?” Hearing himself say it again didn’t make it feel any more real than before.

Naruto’s eyes were watching a leaf drift toward the ground as he spoke. Sasuke’s eyes were watching Naruto. “Well, it was really hard, for everyone. We didn’t know… what to think, what to expect. And it was really hard to convince people it had been an accident, too, and that I had nothing to do with it.” Sasuke’s eyebrows furrowed for a moment, and then he caught sight of a tree, with its turning colors. He gave a small huff. Sasuke heard Naruto sigh, too, and he tore his eyes away from the swaying leaves to look at Naruto’s face.

“It hurt me the worst. I thought I’d lost you, ya know? I didn’t know what I was gonna do.” Naruto’s voice had an edge that Sasuke hadn’t noticed before. Like he was trying to keep something intact. And yet, there it came, the crying. Naruto’s eyes squeezed shut, as though he was trying to stave off the tears already streaking down his face. “Don’t cry, Naruto, please.”

Sasuke already knew Naruto would reject him, and maybe that’s why his fingers were shaking as he reached out. Maybe that’s why he felt so unsure. He had just barely touched Naruto’s skin when Naruto jerked away.

“No, Sasuke, you don’t get— let me finish, please.” 

Sasuke fell back. He was not eager to hear what he knew Naruto was about to say. He heard Naruto draw in a deep, wavering breath, and begin again. “I know I told you before, but I meant it when I said that I need you here. No matter what you told me, it didn’t matter.” Naruto moved his body to face Sasuke. “Until I almost lost you, I never realized how much I need you, Sasuke.”

Oh, _fuck._ Being in this moment, being actually present, was one hundred times worse than seeing it in his mind’s eye. _How much I need you._ Sasuke was crying before he even finished the thought. Things were so different now, why couldn’t it all just be the same? He wiped at his face with haste, but it made no difference. Sasuke could see a lot better, and he could discern the different colors in Naruto’s eyes. Naruto’s eyes were on Sasuke, and Sasuke’s eyes were on Naruto. Sasuke hated that this felt familiar, but loved the feeling nonetheless.

“Naruto…” The words, those three tiny words, Sasuke was ready to scream. He wanted to say them, could feel them sparking up on the tip of his tongue, until his mouth was on fire, burning with the need to admit.

Naruto emitted a hum Sasuke hadn’t heard before.

“Shut the fuck up, Naruto.” Sasuke still managed to choke on the words, even when he knew they were coming.

Naruto sighed, rolled his eyes, and Sasuke thought that he saw Naruto grit his teeth. “I mean it, Sasuke. Stop being defensive. You’re always trying to be so cool, but you don’t have to be. You’re always hiding things. I can see it, you’re hiding something right now.” Sasuke shook his head indignantly, when Naruto opened his eyes again, but it was a lie. He had been hiding a lot more before, but now he was only hiding two things. The fact that he’d already _seen_ this happening, and the fact that he was terribly in love with Naruto. But hiding things took up a lot of Sasuke’s energy, and right now he was tired. He made no attempts to keep his face free of his emotions. If Naruto figured him out right now, that’s just what happened. It felt almost as though Naruto was trying to tell him something, too, but he wasn't saying it. Sasuke wouldn’t act on assumptions.

“I’m not hiding anything.” Sasuke coughed, and it hurt. He remembered someone telling him, probably Sakura, that because he hadn’t stayed in the hospital longer, he might always have pain in his chest. Sasuke thought being impaled would be less painful than what he felt when he looked into Naruto’s eyes. It felt all the more surreal that Naruto was looking back, searching him, probing him for whatever details his face was offering.

In their silence, Sasuke went on noticing the things about Naruto’s body that he loved the most. Naruto’s hair, Naruto’s eyes, Naruto’s being. He’d missed Naruto so fucking much. Sasuke could see Naruto’s mind working, but he had no idea what he was thinking about. 

This time, Sasuke saw Naruto shuffle closer to him. A tentative movement that held none of his earlier resolve, none of the firmness of before. Sasuke saw Naruto’s eyes changing again. The yellow that Sasuke saw there was getting more pronounced. Breathing the same air, Sasuke held his because he wanted Naruto to have it. Again, again, he’d asphyxiate himself so long as Naruto was ok. 

Sasuke’s eyes closed delicately as Naruto’s hand came to touch his face. Naruto’s touch was tender, something Sasuke was still not used to. They’d hugged before, of course, but they mostly wrestled, or fought, or pushed each other. And that had been before. The older they got, the less they touched, until a few weeks ago when they’d held each other in the hallway. Sasuke longed every day to hold Naruto like that again, to _be_ held by Naruto like that again, to be so close to him. And yet, this was much better.

Naruto’s fingers traced Sasuke’s face, from behind his ear to the tip of his jawline, all the way down to his chin. Sasuke wanted to know what sort of look Naruto was fixing him with, but he couldn’t make himself look. His high was gone now. This was just about where the vision had ended before, but there was one final sensation missing.

Sasuke let out the smallest of whines when he felt Naruto’s thumb beginning to slide across his bottom lip. The hair on Sasuke’s arms rose, and his fingers fisted the grass. “God,” Naruto said under his breath. Naruto’s thumb swiped across Sasuke’s lip one time before resting in the corner of Sasuke’s mouth. Sasuke felt it there when he spoke. 

“What are you… doing?” Sasuke breathed. His eyes squeezed shut tighter, but he opened them when he felt Naruto’s laugh puff across his face.

“I don’t know, really,” Naruto said with a small shrug. “It’s just… I know that I’ve never worried about someone so much. I’ve never thought about someone more than I think about you. And did I ever tell you that I’m sorry?” 

Sasuke laughed, a breathy sound, but he felt so unsure as he asked, “What do you think about?”

Naruto shrugged again, his thumb still pressed firm against Sasuke’s mouth. “Dunno. I’ve just been realizing some stuff. I realized how lucky I was that you forgave me for almost drowning you, how lucky I was that you decided to climb into my window, how lucky I was that you opened your eyes in the hospital, how lucky I was that you forgave me for lying and that you told me the truth, how lucky I am in this very moment, because—”

Naruto’s eyes drifted from Sasuke’s eyes to his lips. Not real, unreal, surreal. Impossible. Sasuke’s lips trembled. “Because what?”

“Because you’re right here. Because you made me this thing,” Naruto twisted his body and picked up the cork board for a moment before letting it fall to the ground again. Sasuke sighed when Naruto’s hand left his skin. “Because I’ve never felt this way before, about anyone. Being away from you these past few weeks has been _killing_ me. I’ve just been feeling this _thing._ And I don’t understand it… but I like it.”

Sasuke’s lips curved into a tremulous smile that Naruto returned. Sasuke thought maybe Naruto’s knee was two centimeters from his. He bit his lip and watched as Naruto’s eyes reacted. Sasuke took note that Naruto’s eyes had never seemed so big. Naruto’s hand came back into Sasuke’s space then, but went straight to threading into Sasuke’s hair. 

“Felt like what?” Sasuke felt silly for asking. 

He could see it on Naruto’s face. Naruto’s voice was a rasp in Sasuke’s ear. “Like I want to…” Naruto’s words turned to a hum, and then Sasuke _felt_ the hum on Naruto’s mouth, because Naruto closed the gap between them and slotted their lips together.

Sasuke had dreamed of kissing Naruto at least 100,001 times. At _least_ . There was always a _look_ he’d see in Naruto’s eyes, and then an overwhelming feeling of need, and then they’d do it. In Sasuke’s dreams, it was delicate, soft, so sweet. It didn’t happen that way in real life. 

Naruto was desperate. His lips moved fast over Sasuke’s; Sasuke was struggling to keep up with him. Naruto was needy. The hand in Sasuke’s hair was gripping, pulling Sasuke closer. Sasuke whined into Naruto’s mouth as he felt his body shifting closer until he was on top of Naruto. Naruto’s hands were moving all over Sasuke’s body, like he was looking for something. Sasuke felt his body beginning to react to all of this touching. He was groaning and he even heard himself starting to pant. One of Sasuke’s hands held Naruto’s shoulder and he used the other to push some of Naruto’s hair out of his face. Sasuke could barely breathe when Naruto pulled away.

They stared at one another, and Sasuke reveled in the fact that Naruto was looking up at him from this angle. He was on top. He found that he quite liked this feeling, the feeling of great control. 

A long silence passed between them. Sasuke began to blush, his face growing hotter with each passing second that Naruto’s eyes were locked on him. He started to feel fidgety, like he needed to move before they realized what they’d just done. Naruto’s hands were on Sasuke’s _thighs_ , for fuck’s sake. He was going to get _hard_ if this kept up.

Sasuke eventually heaved a sigh and tried to lift himself up off of Naruto’s chest. The hold on Sasuke’s thighs got tighter, and Naruto shook his head lightly. “Wait, wait, wait.” Sasuke turned his head to Naruto, to hear what he had to say. Sasuke was sort of glad Naruto had stopped him. The silence allowed Sasuke to force his heart to stop beating in his ears.

“You… we…” 

Sasuke’s eyebrow quirked. “Hm? Me? We?” Sasuke didn’t know why it made him want to laugh. He was waiting for Naruto to say something that made sense.

“I’m sorry,” is what Naruto decided to say. Sasuke scrunched his nose up and crossed his arms. How silly he felt, sitting on Naruto’s chest, their hips just inches apart, Sasuke’s body still twitching in his shorts, and Naruto was _apologizing_. 

“You’re sorry? For what?” 

“I didn’t ask if I could, if you’d let me. If you’d… want to.”

Sasuke’s eyes softened, just like that. “Oh, Naruto.” It felt too dramatic to say that he wanted to kiss Naruto forever, so Sasuke kept that much to himself. Sasuke leaned down and laid his hands over Naruto’s shoulders. “Trust me. I would have stopped you.”

Whatever Naruto had been about to say was cut off by Minato calling Naruto’s name. Sasuke pried Naruto’s fingers off of him and stood. Sasuke held his hand out for Naruto to take. It felt like the world was moving in slow motion as Naruto took Sasuke’s hand and pulled himself up. 

Sasuke gathered up the map he’d made Naruto and decided he’d go ahead and take it up to Naruto’s room. In the back of his mind Sasuke was beginning to wonder what it meant. What would Naruto say to him, when they were alone again? What would they do? Sasuke knew it wasn’t wise to get his hopes up, but he couldn’t help it. Everything he’d ever been dreaming of, for years, had started to happen. Of course, people would be over soon, so they wouldn’t have very much time to themselves.

When Sasuke pushed the door to Naruto’s room open, he nearly tricked on the shoes in the doorway. He grumbled a curse and picked his way across the room carefully, watching every place he decided to put his feet. He wanted to put the map on Naruto’s bed, but there was already something there. “Oh, you’ve _got_ to be—”

Sasuke felt that hot feeling, the one Sakura had labeled jealousy. The one he’d seen in Naruto’s eyes a week ago. It was coursing through him, getting hotter by the second. It was Hinata’s gift to Naruto, Sasuke knew in an instant. Her face was all over it, hers and Naruto’s. It was one of those collage things, where you pick a word or numbers and pictures can be printed on them. She had chosen Naruto’s jersey number, 07, and all over both numbers were innumerable pictures of herself and Naruto. Pictures from years ago, from when they first started dating, from every dance, every party, up until they’d broken up. Years worth of memories.

Sasuke didn’t care. It didn’t matter. So, what, that was a pretty thoughtful gift. So, what, it had probably taken her weeks to get it all sorted out and edit the pictures and make sure they were cropped correctly. So, what, Naruto had already opened it. None of that mattered, Sasuke told himself. Naruto had kissed _him._

Sasuke went back down the stairs then, just in time to see Naruto see his parents off. When the door closed behind them, Naruto turned to Sasuke and rubbed his hands together mischievously. “The house to myself! Uh, ourselves. Just us. For a few hours.”

Sasuke’s eyebrows drew together. “A few hours? When did you tell them to start coming?”

Naruto shrugged. “Ah, I told Ino to come at, like, 6. Everyone else can come after that. I needed her here to set up the fun stuff,” he said. 

Sasuke nodded. “Oh, ok,” he yawned. It was just around 4:30. Sasuke stretched his arms up into the air. “I want to take a nap,” he said. He really wanted to talk about what had happened, but he didn’t want to bring it up. He was about to turn towards the stairs, but Naruto caught his wrist.

“Wait,” Naruto said, drawing the word out. Sasuke turned back to Naruto and raised an expectant eyebrow. 

“What?” Sasuke took his arm from Naruto’s hand and wiped his eyes.

“Do you wanna do something?” Naruto took a small step closer to Sasuke. 

Sasuke had heard those words before. “Like what?”

Naruto’s eyes drifted behind Sasuke, to the stairs. “I was hoping we could, uh.” Sasuke thought Naruto might be sweating.

“Is it safe to say you forgive me?” Sasuke asked. 

Naruto nodded. “Yeah, I forgive you. Do you forgive me?” They kept inching closer to one another, but Sasuke didn’t notice until his own hand came up to Naruto’s collar.

“Yes. Of course. Do you want to make out?” Sasuke had never been more confident that he knew the answer to a question before he’d asked it. He let his hand slide across the back of Naruto’s neck, and his fingers played with the hair there.

“God, yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am trash i know lmao cliffhanger!! stay tuned ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooo naruto throws a rager

“Was that the door?” Sasuke was breathless.

He was pinned down onto the sofa by Naruto’s body. Naruto had changed his shirt and his hair was a mess now from Sasuke’s fingers. He looked over his shoulder in the direction of the front door. “Maybe. Don’t care,” he said, before turning back to Sasuke and capturing his lips again in a hungry kiss.

It hadn’t even been an hour, but Sasuke didn’t ever want it to stop. Kissing Naruto was his favorite activity, and he decided that it would be that way for the rest of his life. It wasn’t anything like his dreams had been; this was one hundred times better. Naruto’s hands were on Sasuke’s face and tugging at his hair. Sasuke sighed against Naruto’s mouth and shifted himself underneath Naruto’s hips. And they could talk about what they were doing later, not tonight. There wasn’t time enough now, and they’d both be drunk later. Sasuke felt Naruto’s hand beginning to fiddle with the hem of his shirt when there came another knock on the door, this time a lot harder. 

“Fuck,” Naruto muttered. He dragged himself up off of Sasuke’s body and adjusted his clothes before going to answer the door. Sasuke sat up and ran a useless hand into his hair. He saw that it was getting close to 5:15. Naruto had said Ino would be over at 6, so Sasuke wondered who it could be.

“Uh, Sasuke? It’s your brother.”

Sasuke’s face screwed up with confusion. “Coming.” He stood and fixed his shorts so that they weren’t nearly _off_ and sighed.

Naruto stepped back to make room for Sasuke. “Yes?” Sasuke asked, already impatient to get back to what he was doing. 

Itachi’s face was as stoic as ever. “I’m just here because you weren’t answering your phone, brother. Mother is asking about you.” Itachi’s eyes moved between Naruto and Sasuke a few times. Sasuke’s already red face grew only more flushed.

“Tell her I’m fine? It’s his birthday, he’s throwing a party. I won’t be home tonight,” Sasuke said, jerking a thumb over his shoulder. 

Itachi’s eyes grew suspicious, but he nodded anyway. “Fine. I need to ask you something. If you don’t mind.” Itachi turned his attention to Naruto then. It took Naruto a moment to realize he was being addressed. 

“Oh, yeah, ok. I’ll just…” Naruto mover his head to gesture he was going back to the living room. 

Sasuke watched him leave before he turned back to Itachi and glared. “What, what is so important that you can’t text me?”

“You’re not answering your phone, Sasuke,” Itachi said with little patience. “I need to ask you about your medicine.” 

The color drained from Sasuke’s face. All of a sudden, the bottle at his side seemed a lot more noticeable and a lot more full.

“What about it?”

“You’re still taking it, but your cast has been off for weeks. Surely you can’t still be in so much pain?” Itachi’s face illustrated genuine concern.

Sasuke sighed. “I’m not,” he said in a small voice, looking down at his feet.

“I didn’t think so.”

“Don’t tell Mom, ok? Please? I’m begging you. I’m gonna get off ‘em, I promise. I will. Soon.” Sasuke’s voice was pleading. He held his hands together in front of him. 

Itachi sighed angrily. “Don’t hurt yourself any more than you already have, Sasuke.” He closed his eyes briefly before running a hand into Sasuke’s hair. “Please. Give them to me.”

Sasuke chewed his lip for a long while before he nodded, shifting Itachi’s hand. “I promise,” he said softly. In reality, Sasuke had no plans to stop, at least not in the near future. But Itachi was begging him, and he knew that Mikoto would be so disappointed if she found out. Never mind Fugaku; Sasuke didn’t even want to imagine that. Sasuke put a hand to his pocket and begrudgingly handed him the bottle. Sasuke leaned against the doorway as he watched Itachi walk back to his parked car. He did need to stop, he knew that. And he would.

But just because Itachi took those pills with him didn’t mean Sasuke didn’t have other ones. That was a problem for a lot later. Not today, and not tomorrow. And it wasn’t a _problem,_ he could stop whenever he wanted to.

“Is he gone?” Naruto’s voice called from the living room. Sasuke closed the door lightly and rolled his eyes. He was about to go back into the living room to finally, _finally_ resume what they’d been doing before, but just as he reached the doorway there came another knock on the door. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Sasuke heard Naruto say under his breath.

Sasuke turned and answered the door this time, opening it to reveal Ino and Sakura. Ino held up some bottles and shoved past Sasuke with a squeal. Sakura’s face was a little ruddy as she trailed behind Ino, her hands full of six packs. “We brought the fun stuff!” Ino shouted, prompting Naruto to shoot from the living room into the hallway. 

“Why are you here so early?” Naruto wasn’t trying to hide that he was put off by their presence. He took the drinks from Sakura before he followed Ino into the kitchen. Sasuke wanted to laugh. 

“There’s no such thing as too early, Naruto,” Sasuke heard Ino lament. He went back into the living room to wait on the sofa with Sakura. She was giggly and her face was warm. 

“She’s already started you?” Sasuke said with mock concern that turned real when he pressed the back of his hand to Sakura’s forehead. “Oh, wow.” He hadn’t thought she’d be so drunk so early. The sun was still up and they’d just gotten here. Sasuke wondered vaguely what power Ino had to make _Sakura_ drink, and to this extent.

Sakura took Sasuke’s hand from her forehead and placed it on top of her hair. “Not too much. Just a little bit.” Sasuke shook his head slightly but carded his fingers through Sakura’s hair all the same.

Naruto came to stand in the doorway and tell them that they were welcome to start drinking now if they wanted to. Sasuke cut his eyes to Sakura and moved his hand across his throat a few times to signify that she needed to _stop_ , not start. 

“Well, you then, I guess. If you want to,” Naruto added quickly. 

Sasuke laughed. “I guess I will. It is your birthday, after all.” Sasuke was in the kitchen when he heard the music start. He felt it in his chest, already. He took one shot for now. He wanted to pace himself, and he was also trying to make sure that he wasn’t mixing his pills with the alcohol. He didn’t _feel_ high from them anymore, but that didn’t mean they weren’t still in his system. Naruto took two shots and then helped Sasuke take Sakura to his parents’ bedroom. The less she drank, the better.

It took another half hour for other people to start coming, and another hour after that for everyone to actually arrive. Naruto stood by the door with a bottle in his hand so that he didn’t have to move from his spot. He greeted everyone with either a slap on the back or a one-armed hug. Sasuke took a swig from Naruto’s bottle when he came to see if he was done greeting people. 

“How do you know so many people?” Sasuke asked. He had to get close, because the music was so loud. Naruto smelled like peaches and alcohol. Sasuke wanted to taste it. He had been drinking for hours at this point.

Naruto shrugged. “People started inviting their friends, what can I say?” He took a big sip from the bottle and then put his free hand to his head. He rubbed the spot between his eyes. “Ooh. This is strong.”

“Give it here,” Sasuke said, snatching the bottle. They were near the stairs. Most everyone else was in the living room, dancing to the music Ino was playing. They were going to come looking for Naruto soon, Sasuke was aware. Naruto must have known it too, and yet he only pressed himself closer to Sasuke and snaked an arm around his waist. Sasuke was slightly off balance to begin with. What were they doing? Sasuke’s mind was all whirling colors and peaches.

“Thief,” Naruto said, his voice hot against Sasuke’s ear. Sasuke shivered. 

“You need to go in there, it’s your birthday!” Sasuke said. His words slurred only a little bit. He still knew what was happening. And he knew that he could feel the music in his messed up rib, and he could feel Naruto’s fingers starting to press into his skin. And he could feel his heart starting to beat in his throat.

“Fine. C’mon,” Naruto said, and he grasped Sasuke’s hand tight and pulled him along into the living room. 

“The birthday boy, everyone!” There was a loud, off-key chorus of “Happy Birthday,” as Naruto came into the living room that was followed by cheers. Sasuke felt out of place at Naruto’s side, so he tried to get away and find a corner to stand in, but Naruto only held his hand tighter. 

“No,” he said slowly, “We’re going to dance.”

Dance? Sasuke didn’t even know if he could stand for much longer. “Naruto, I—”

Naruto pressed his finger to Sasuke’s lips and used his other hand to sneak the bottle from Sasuke’s fist. “You _can,_ because I said so.” Naruto drained the bottle of its contents. He shoved it at someone’s chest as they passed and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. There was an Usher song playing, an old one. “It’s my birthday, Sauce. You don’t wanna make me cry, do you?”

Sasuke was drunk, yes, but Naruto was a whole lot drunker. What they did couldn’t really be described as dancing; it was more like rhythmless grinding. Sasuke felt that this was something he should try to remedy, but he also knew that he couldn’t. His arms were weak and his body did whatever Naruto told it to. Naruto pulled and Sasuke came closer. Naruto pushed and Sasuke moved farther away, but never too far. He wished that Naruto hadn’t finished the bottle so fast. He wanted some. Naruto was screeching along to the words of the song as he pulled and twisted Sasuke’s body with no feel for the beat whatsoever. It was funny. Would have been funny if Sasuke wasn’t so dizzy. 

“Naruto! Come and pick the song!” Ino’s voice was magnified somehow. It was dark save for the party lights that Sasuke forgot Naruto’s family owned. They cast green and red beams across all of the faces and bodies and people. Sasuke was sweating and his body was loose when Naruto let him go and drifted to where Ino’s voice came from.

Sasuke clawed his way from the living room to the kitchen. It was still loud and hot, but a lot less so. There were drinks on ice, and the fridge was just _open_ . Sasuke found a cup that looked like it held water, but when he threw it back, it was _vodka_. Oh, fuck. It was fine, Sasuke reasoned with himself, he’d just get some water from the sink. 

Except that the sink was full of ice, and beer cans. “Shit,” Sasuke mumbled. He held onto the counter for support, just as Naruto’s favorite Ke$ha song started playing. 

He needed to lie down. 

Sasuke fought his way back out into the hallway. More than anything, he wanted to be with Naruto in that moment, feel Naruto’s hands on him, feel Naruto’s breath against his neck, feel Naruto’s lips against his. But he didn’t know where Naruto was, and right now he didn’t have it in him to look. Sakura was passed out in Naruto’s parents’ room, so the only other place was… 

Naruto’s room.

Sasuke trudged up the stairs, put one foot in front of the other while both his hands clutched the rails. His whole body was burning. His head was swimming. If he could just make it to Naruto’s bed, it would all be fine. Sasuke had his hand on the doorway when he heard crying and retching. He grumbled angrily and stalked down the hall in the direction of Minato and Kushina’s bedroom. 

Sakura had dragged herself into the attached bathroom, and she was bent over the toilet. “Fuck,” Sasuke said. He pinched the bridge of his nose to get his head to stop spinning. He made himself sit next to Sakura and rub her back as her shoulders shook. 

She kept asking for Ino, which meant Sasuke would have to go back downstairs. He would rather die than be back in the middle of all of that mess, but Sakura was sick and all she wanted was Ino. He loved her. So Sasuke used the wall for support to stand back up and wobble back down the hall and down the stairs. 

It seemed impossible, but there were now even more people here than there had been before. Sasuke could barely breathe, there were so many bodies pressing against him. He felt someone press a drink to his chest. He knew he shouldn’t drink it, but he downed it anyways. He had never been so out of his mind before. Sasuke nearly fell over trying to get to Ino.

He had to scream into her ear that Sakura was looking for her, needed her. Ino’s eyes were clear. She was _sober_. Of course. “Where is she?” Ino asked. 

Sasuke pointed behind himself with his thumb aimlessly. “Bed,” he said slowly, carefully. His eyebrows furrowed with deep confusion as he looked around the room. He was looking for Naruto now. “Where is he?” Sasuke slurred. He leaned against Ino heavily. 

“I don’t know. Someone said Hinata was here, and he left me.” Ino held him. She had said it like it meant nothing, but Sasuke was suddenly livid. Boiling.

“ _Hinata_ is here?” Sasuke wished for the life of him that he could say a sentence without messing up. 

Ino nodded with a shrug. She handed her phone to Choji. Sasuke hadn’t even noticed him there. “Do the music. I have to find Sakura.” Ino was gone before Sasuke could think to ask her where Hinata was.

Sasuke stumbled across the room, to where he knew Kushina’s office was. It was the only place he hadn’t checked yet at that point, and he was getting exhausted. He heard voices before he got to the door. 

“I told you it would be b-better if you didn’t come. I told you it was over, for real this time.” That was Naruto. Even more drunk than before. 

“Because he found out that we fucked? Naruto, I’m a lot of things, but I’m not an idiot.” Hinata’s voice was angry. It didn’t sound like she’d been drinking. Sasuke snorted at her words.

“Speak of him,” Naruto said, coming around the doorway and pulling Sasuke in. He slammed the door unceremoniously. Sasuke saw he had a cup in his hand. Hinata was standing on the other side of the room with her arms crossed. She was mad. 

“Naruto,” she said, completely ignoring Sasuke’s presence. 

“ _Hinata_ ,” Naruto slurred. 

“I was just telling him that I think he loves you,” Hinata said, finally turning to Sasuke after giving an exasperated huff. 

Sasuke’s face screwed up with confusion. “What? What are you talkin’ about?”

Hinata pinched the bridge of her nose. “It is so obvious. You are in love with him, Sasuke, and I don’t know what you did but you really upset him this past week.” Sasuke scoffed weakly. Of course Naruto had told her.

“It’s not your business,” Sasuke said, emboldened because of his inebriation. He found himself moving closer to Naruto.

“You’re right, it’s not,” Hinata said. She looked between the two of them a few times. Naruto was leaning against the door and looking at Hinata like he could barely see her. Sasuke was just trying to keep himself from leaning one way or the other. “But I know one thing that _became_ my business,” Hinata said. She looked Sasuke squarely in the eyes. “He is a fool for you.”

“Hinata, c’mon, this is ridiculous.” Naruto waved a hand in the air. Sasuke saw some of the drink spill onto the wood floor. “I know you thought we were gonna get back together. That’s _my_ bad.” Naruto jabbed his thumb as his own chest. “But you don’t have to do this, say this.”

Hinata rolled her eyes. “Naruto, you have been a fool for him from the moment he opened his eyes at the lake. That was almost a year ago! I’ve been seeing it for months now. Every day, it was about Sasuke. And even when he was ok again, it was still about him. That was just the beginning.” She shook her head. Sasuke had to sit down before he _fell_ down. 

“I didn’t want to believe it, the man that I loved— the Naruto I thought I knew wasn’t the one who was leaving me to be with you.” Hinata was talking to Sasuke again. He could barely see her, his eyes were so blurry. “I wanted so badly for it to be not true. But it was one time after another, he was picking you over me. And not just to spend time with you. He was picking you over me when he was _with_ me. He was always talking about you, always thinking about you. Distracted. It got more and more clear. The look in his eyes when he thought you weren’t going to make it… I just didn’t want to believe it. And then, you went and hurt yourself, and I’ve never seen him be more of a wreck.” Hinata shook her head again, this time slower. Her hair was kind of pretty, Sasuke thought, before he remembered that he hated her. But wait, what was she saying? Naruto? Fool? Sasuke was struggling to listen. 

Hinata continued. “He just wouldn’t leave your side. He thought you were going to die. And it was in those moments that he told me more with his actions than he’d ever told me with his words. He had never cared about anyone so much. He doesn’t. He won’t. He’s a fool for you and it’s as plain as the day is long. He came to me, and I thought… maybe it wouldn’t be about you anymore. But even him fucking me was about you. Look,” she said, turning to Naruto, “I just came to see if you liked my present. You two have your own shit to deal with, clearly. I’m gonna go. Nice party. Happy _birthday_ , Naruto,” Hinata spit before she pushed past Naruto to get out the door. Then she was gone. She left the door open, and the thumping music was once again penetrating Sasuke’s soul. He looked at Naruto, and saw that Naruto was already looking at him. He was drawn to Naruto, just the way he always was. 

Somehow Sasuke was once again standing with his body against Naruto’s, like people couldn’t see them. People didn’t matter, Sasuke didn’t care. “D’you want some?” Naruto offered Sasuke some of whatever he was drinking. 

Sasuke shook his head. “No, no. I’ve had enough.” He was thinking about what Hinata had said. “What was she talking about?”

Naruto shrugged. “No fuckin’ clue.”

Sasuke looked at Naruto’s clouded eyes. He felt so _hot_ and so ready, but for what he wasn’t sure. Naruto’s eyes were seeing through him. 

“I wanna lay down,” Sasuke said, pulling himself away from Naruto’s magnetic field. Naruto didn’t try to stop Sasuke from leaving. Sasuke didn’t know why that disappointed him. As he shakily mounted the stairs a second time he replayed Hinata’s words over and over in his mind. _He is a fool for you._ How would she know? And what did it matter? But… was she right? What did that mean?

Sasuke shook his head. Too many thoughts. He threw Hinata’s present was well as his own shirt across the room before he fell into Naruto’s bed. He had to get up again to turn the fan on, and then he saw his map laid against the wall. It made him smile. Sasuke almost felt bad for sweating all over Naruto’s bed, but there was nothing he could do. His mind drifted to Naruto again, when they had been making out earlier on the couch. Or when they had kissed for the very first time that same day. Or a million years ago. Sasuke hummed in general appreciation of these memories and rolled over to face the window. Sasuke closed his eyes and finally let his body pass out.

“Sauce?” It was Naruto. Sasuke turned over fast and sat up. He didn’t know what time it was, but there was no more music thumping from downstairs. He felt a little exposed suddenly with no shirt and only shorts covering him. He’d fallen asleep on top of the covers.

Even in the moonlight coming from the window, Sasuke could see Naruto’s face was still red. “What time is it?”

Naruto came into the room and checked his phone on the table next to his bed. “It’s 3:04.” A lot later than Sasuke thought it was. 

“I fell asleep. When did it end?” Sasuke moved slightly so that Naruto could sit next to him.

Naruto smelled like sweat now. Sweat, peaches, and alcohol. He must have been using a new soap. “An hour ago. I didn’t want people driving, so everyone’s just sleeping on the floor, or in their cars. Sakura and Ino are in there,” he said, gesturing with his head towards his parents’ room down the hall.

Sasuke nodded. “So, does it feel different? Being 18?”

Naruto hummed. “No,” he said after a while. He laughed then. “I’m still me.” He beamed his smile at Sasuke. Sasuke felt faint, but he blamed it on the drinks.

Something was tugging at Sasuke’s memory. Something to do with Hinata. He didn’t want to ask right now, when he wasn’t sure if he was making it up or not, but he needed to know. Sasuke moved around on the bed and laid down again. Naruto pulled his shirt over his head and threw it onto the floor before joining Sasuke. 

“Mm.” Naruto’s body slotted against Sasuke’s so that their legs were tangled. This was how they usually slept when Sasuke came over, but things had changed now. Sasuke felt his body starting to react to the proximity. 

“You’re so warm,” Naruto mumbled. Sasuke shuddered when he felt Naruto’s hand in his hair.

“Aren’t there people up here?” Sasuke whispered. 

Naruto shrugged. “Yeah. But they’re passed out. Why’s it matter?”

Sasuke made a face. “No reason. C’mere,” he said softly. He slid into Naruto’s space. Their noses bumped together a few times before their mouths found each other. Naruto wasted no time in licking Sasuke’s bottom lip. Sasuke wasted no time in letting Naruto’s tongue slide past his teeth.

Somehow, the knowledge that people might hear him made Sasuke whine even more. Naruto’s mouth tasted like he’d smelled, but more sweet. Sasuke felt Naruto’s hand pulling on him, trying to get him to climb on top of him, so Sasuke broke their kiss to do it. He was sitting on Naruto again, though this time he let their hips touch, and he let out a sigh as he did. Was he still drunk? No. He wanted to do this, he was in control of this. 

Naruto’s eyes weren’t so cloudy anymore, either. He was looking up at Sasuke, already a little breathless. His hands slid over Sasuke’s thighs to keep him where he sat. “Tell me a truth, Sasuke?”

“A truth?” Sasuke’s eyebrow quirked. His hands came to rest over Naruto’s. 

“Tell me _the_ truth.” Naruto was so beautiful, and so hesitant. Like he was afraid of the answer to his question. Sasuke chewed his lip and waited for Naruto to speak. 

Naruto let out a shaky breath. “Do you love me?”

Sasuke’s breath caught in his throat. Even though Naruto had whispered, the words were being replayed at full volume in his mind. “Wha— I—”

“It’s a yes or no question, Sasuke.”

“What makes you ask that?” Sasuke shifted on Naruto’s lap, and he caught the way Naruto’s eyelids fluttered. Naruto’s fingers held Sasuke tighter.

“Hinata said you love me.”

“So we believe everything Hinata says now?”

“Answer me, Sasuke,” Naruto’s voice grew a little hard. So did Sasuke. 

Sasuke sighed, a heavy heave if his chest. “Mm. Yes. I love you. I am in love with you. I have loved you my entire life. Since the moment I met you. For more than ten years now. Every second I’m awake. Every second I’m asleep. When I blink. When I breathe. I love you. I am in love with you. Yes.” 

Saying it felt like a sigh. Like a breath. Like a prayer. To tell Naruto _I love you_ was like drawing in his very first breath, seeing the most beautiful sunset, smelling the sweetest smell. It was everything he’d ever lived for. 

Naruto actually seemed _shocked_. “Really?” His voice was laced with confusion. Sasuke just nodded. He didn’t feel shame, but he also couldn’t believe he’d said it. He looked away from Naruto, towards the door. He remembered there were people outside of it.

“You love me?”

“Are you a fucking idiot? Yes,” Sasuke said, exasperated. 

“No. I’m a _fool_.”

Sasuke’s eyes cut to Naruto’s face again. He was grinning. “Naruto… don’t say things you don’t mean.”

Naruto sat up and shifted their position so that he could properly look Sasuke in the eye. Sasuke yelped at the change before he caught himself and bit his lip. Their faces were inches from each other. “I mean it,” he whispered, and then they were kissing again, though this time Naruto’s actions held an intensity he’d never felt from Naruto before. Naruto’s hands had moved from Sasuke’s thighs and were now on the small of Sasuke’s back, effectively keeping Sasuke in his lap. Sasuke’s hands gripped Naruto’s shoulders unnecessarily hard. He couldn’t keep his nails from digging in and dragging down Naruto’s arms, but Naruto didn’t seem to mind.

“Do you know something?” Naruto asked between kisses, his breath running ragged. His mouth attached itself to Sasuke’s throat, causing Sasuke to whimper.

“No,” Sasuke breathed.

“I was _jealous_.” Naruto’s teeth nipped at Sasuke’s skin. Sasuke shivered violently but managed to keep from making any noise. 

“Jealous of what? Jealous when?”

One of Naruto’s hands was beginning to slide down past the waistband of Sasuke’s already loose shorts. His fingers burned Sasuke’s skin. “Jealous when you told me that you’ve been doin’ it. Never thought I’d be jealous of people I’ve never met,” Naruto’s breath began to fan over Sasuke’s ear, “and _him_.”

For a few minutes, it was just them. Naruto’s mouth biting marks into Sasuke’s skin; Sasuke’s hands grasping for purchase on Naruto’s slick shoulders. Sasuke felt Naruto’s hips beginning to move forward against his own, and he sighed languidly at the feeling of the friction. They could do it, it would be good, it would be _great,_ the feeling of it all, the drag of Naruto’s body inside of Sasuke’s own. It was all Sasuke had thought about every time he was with anyone else. The first girl, the last girl, the girls in between, Shikamaru, when his own hand would touch himself. Just the thought made Sasuke push himself down onto Naruto’s lap that much harder, roll his hips forward just that much more forward. 

It was hard to keep himself quiet when Naruto’s teeth nipped at the most sensitive parts of his throat, and Naruto’s fingers were scratching his thighs, moving lower. Sasuke felt one of Naruto’s hands come up to cover his mouth, and that only caused him to groan more. They could do it. Sasuke wanted to do it. He could _feel_ that Naruto wanted to, too. And yet…

“Wait, wait,” Sasuke said suddenly, pushing at Naruto’s chest. He wanted to. But they couldn’t.

“What? I’m sorry,” Naruto said, and just like that his hands were off of Sasuke, and Sasuke found himself sliding back off of Naruto’s lap and onto the mattress. 

Sasuke reached his hand out for Naruto’s chest. “Don’t feel bad. I just… think we should wait. If we’re gonna go that far, or _anywhere_. I learned my lesson with the meaningless, and the casual. It doesn’t work for me. And it was just a distraction, anyway.”

Naruto’s hand caught Sasuke’s but he didn’t try to move it. He held it there, against his fast-beating heart. “A distraction?”

“From the fact that I love you. The way that I feel about you. I thought if I did _things_ to take my mind off of it, it’d go away. But it’s like— a tattoo. It’s on my heart forever.” Sasuke saw Naruto’s eyes get soft as he spoke.

“Yeah, ok,” Naruto said eventually with a small nod. He pulled Sasuke close again by his arm and wrapped him up. “We can wait. I suppose I’ll have to take you on a date first. A few dates.”

Sasuke snorted. “A date? I’m not going to go on dates with you, loser.” He laid his head against Naruto’s chest all the same. Naruto knew he didn’t mean it. 

“Sure you aren’t.”

Naruto fell back down onto the bed, and brought Sasuke with him. Sasuke threw his leg over Naruto’s waist and let his head remain on Naruto’s chest. Comfortable. A different comfort than Sasuke was accustomed to, but still a good one. A better one. Naruto’s arm wrapped around Sasuke’s shoulders, Naruto’s breath in Sasuke’s hair, Naruto’s fingers playing with the hair at the base of Sasuke’s neck. Different, but perfect.

“You were jealous?” Sasuke’s eyes were closed. He was sweaty now. The idea that Naruto had been jealous of the people before pleased Sasuke immensely. He felt Naruto huff against his hair.

“So were you,” Naruto quipped. “Don’t think I didn’t know it, for years. Maybe I didn’t know the _name_ of the feeling you showed every time I talked about her, but I _saw_ it. You didn’t hide it, and I guess you didn’t have to. I never would have figured it out if it wasn’t for… her.” It would be funny, if it hadn’t caused them both so much pain. 

Sasuke nodded. “Imagine. _Hinata_.”

Naruto managed to chuckle. “Sort of weird. But… wait. Please don’t hit me when I say this,” Naruto said, causing Sasuke to raise his head and glare at Naruto. 

“What?” 

“You love me?”

Sasuke closed his eyes again and sighed in exasperation. “Shut up, Naruto. You _fool._ ”

Naruto made a sound that Sasuke felt rumbling deep in his chest because of where his head was. “A fool for you,” Naruto whispered, and that was the last thing Sasuke remembered before he was asleep again, this time a lot less drunk and with a lot more hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was just pure self indulgence from beginning to end. i hope you guys don’t hate hinata so much anymore lolll it was hard to choose which way i’d have it go but in the end i knew that them getting back together was just tooooo much. hope you all enjoyed!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it gets a little spicy towards the middle harhar ;)

God, Sasuke hated sporting events. Naruto had insisted that Sasuke come to this, the very last game of the regular season.

(“Or no more kissing,” Naruto had said. 

“I don’t believe you for one second,” Sasuke said, his lips bumping up against Naruto’s with every word he spoke. They were in the back of Naruto’s car, after everyone else had cleared out of the school parking lot. This was Sasuke’s forté; he was good at the teasing. He was on Naruto’s lap and he knew just the right ways to shift to make Naruto’s breath come out shorter, to feel Naruto’s fingernails dig deeper into his skin. He still had one rather large, red hickey from the night of Naruto’s birthday that seemed it would never fade, despite the fact that it had been at least a week. And it didn’t help that Naruto was attaching his mouth to it right this very second.

“You don’t believe me that I can _control_ myself enough not to kiss you? Even when you look like this?” Naruto’s hand gestured to their position before sliding its way into Sasuke’s shirt. “Even when you make sounds like this?” Then Naruto licked over the already sensitive part of Sasuke’s skin, right between his collarbones, causing Sasuke to squeal. 

“N-no,” Sasuke stuttered. Naruto smirked and he let out a small laugh. 

“I almost can’t.” Naruto’s breath was _hot_ against Sasuke’s skin. His nails were going to leave little trails that led from Sasuke’s hips all the way to his thighs. “But almost only counts in horseshoes.” 

Then Sasuke felt himself being pushed from his position, and suddenly he was sitting _next_ to Naruto instead of on top of him. Sasuke was so indignant that he didn’t talk to Naruto for four whole hours after that.)

Sasuke was huddled next to Sakura underneath a big fuzzy blanket in the stands. He didn’t even know what was happening, or who was winning, or what color jerseys his team was wearing. Sasuke wished he was at home, asleep, or talking to his snake. 

“Cha! There you go, Naruto!” Sakura screamed. She jumped up and threw a fist in the air, causing the blanket to fall from Sasuke’s shoulders. He grumbled as the wind suddenly started to hit him. 

“Which one is Naruto?” Sasuke squinted out onto the field. He was beginning to think he needed real glasses, not just readers. 

Sakura’s finger followed a moving figure wearing the garish green color of their school’s home jerseys. There was the 07 on the back, but Sasuke could just barely make it out before Naruto made a diving pass that Kiba nearly missed. Even though Sasuke could barely understand what was happening, his heart was still flooded with warmth when he realized that he was looking at Naruto.

“Is he doing good?”

Sakura scoffed. “He’s doing the _best_ he’s ever done. He’s scored all of our points.”

Sasuke’s eyes moved from Naruto to the scoreboard. It was 4 to 6. Naruto scored all six of those points, and somehow Sasuke hadn’t seen that. 

Admittedly, his mind was elsewhere. He was thinking about home, and how he had a hickey, and how when Fugaku saw it he would have a lot more bruises that weren’t the fun kind, and how Itachi was leaving soon, a lot sooner than Sasuke was ready for, and how he still itched sometimes for his medicine. But he was also thinking about Naruto, and how, apparently, he was doing well, and how nice he must look up close.

“How much longer?”

“It isn’t even halftime yet. Sit tight.”

Sakura sat back down next to Sasuke as he sighed. He drew the blanket up around them again and willed her to stop jumping around. He looked about them. It was so noisy, and everyone was moving around way too much. Sasuke wished more than anything that he could have just asked Naruto about this later, rather than having to be here right now. But he wasn’t going to give up kissing, or anything else. Just the image of Naruto’s mouth on his was enough to make Sasuke’s cheeks started to flush. 

Halftime came around, and Sakura went to buy them both hot chocolate. Sasuke took his with a small thanks and moved closer to her until they were touching. It was comfortable, and Sakura was very warm. She leaned into him, too. 

Sasuke didn’t know why, but something about the night made him want to be especially honest. He had been thinking about what Hinata had said for the past week. He wanted to thank her, but he knew he never could. He also didn’t really remember _what_ she had said, but it had been coming back to him in bits and pieces. “Sakura?” 

“Hm?” Sakura took a sip of her hot chocolate and hissed as it hit her tongue. 

Sasuke was slightly apprehensive to say it. They weren’t… telling people. They met in secret, did things in secret. Of course, they didn’t stop talking in public. It was getting a lot harder to keep their feelings—and their hands— to themselves. Still, Sakura wasn’t just _somebody_. She was Naruto’s best friend and she was Sasuke’s best friend. They were a trifecta. They told each other everything. So Sasuke decided to just go ahead and tell her. 

“When you were passed out at Naruto’s party, I found him talking to Hinata.”

“Oh?” Sakura set her cup down and wrapped her hands around Sasuke’s, which clutched his own cup. 

Sasuke nodded. “Yeah. They were talking. I mean, he was drunk as fuck— ah, heck,” Sasuke saw a parent look in his direction. “But she wasn’t, and she was telling him things. I barely remembered, at first, but it’s been coming back to me. She knew that I… love. Him.” Saying it still made Sasuke feel strange. He said it to Naruto all the time, when they were alone. But he wasn’t whispering it into Naruto’s ear in the dark. He’d just have to get used to it. 

“Everyone knows that, Sasuke,” Sakura said with an annoyed tone. 

“Yes, I guess. Anyway, she said that, mm. He’s a fool for me, and she’s seen it from the moment I almost drowned. The moment I opened my eyes at the lake.” Sasuke shivered and lifted his hands from Sakura’s to take a sip of his hot cocoa.

“Ha. That’s interesting.” Sakura retrieves her cup and sipped from it. “She isn’t wrong.”

Sasuke felt his jaw drop. “You _knew_ that, too? Will you tell me anything, ever?! Shit! Sorry.” Sasuke felt bad for cursing in front of the parents who had brought younger siblings with them.

“I mean?” Sakura lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “Neither of your were hiding it. You’re just both so stupid.”

Sasuke pouted. “I thought I would be the one to realize Naruto liked me. Not her. But it was fine. It was _good._ ” 

Sakura seemed to know what that meant. She giggled and pushed at Sasuke’s shoulder lightly. “You’re so annoying. Is it big?”

“Shut up!” Sasuke shoved her back. “We didn’t go that far,” he said. 

“Hm. Whatever. I’m just happy for you idiots. That you finally have stopped being so oblivious to each other. I was getting a little sick of it.”

“Well, you could have told us,” Sasuke said, rolling his eyes. There were only a few minutes left before the game would resume. “D’you think they’re gonna win?”

“I don’t see them coming back from being down 4,” Sakura reasoned. Naruto had managed to score another two points before halftime. “They might make two more points, maybe one, probably none. Naruto is on fire, he’s bound to score again. And then, if they do, we’ll go to postseason,” Sakura said, answering Sasuke’s next question.

“Then he’s going to have to travel, right? Go around the state?” Sasuke asked.

Sakura nodded. “They’ll have to go around and play other teams, until they get knocked out, or they win.” Sakura rubbed her hands together; she had finished her drink. “I think they have the chance to go to state, this time. Win it all.” 

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. He hadn’t gone to a single game before this, so he didn’t _really_ know, but he’d heard from Naruto about how cohesive the team was and how well he felt like they could do. It was becoming all Naruto talked about in recent weeks, now that Sasuke thought about it. 

“That’s so cool,” Sasuke said. It awed him to think that Naruto was so talented. He knew it, but now everyone else did. Naruto was the team captain. He was _leading_ this team to a championship.

“Yeah, right? That’s our boy. Ooh! It’s starting again.”

Sasuke tried his hardest to pay attention to the remaining half of the game. He kept his eyes trained on Naruto’s bright yellow head and the 07 on his back. Naruto was hustling, making big plays in the third quarter. He was carrying the team, Sakura said in an intense whisper. Sasuke’s heart fluttered with pride.

Some time in the third quarter, towards the end, Naruto did another diving move, with his leg extended to hit the ball away from an opponent. Sasuke had just realized that this was Temari’s school. He wondered if she was over on the other side of the stands. That thought abruptly flew from Sasuke’s mind when he saw Naruto get tripped by someone on the other team.

One of the referees blew their whistle, and the time stopped. They were holding something yellow. “What happened, what happened?” Sasuke asked frantically, gripping Sakura’s arm tight.

“The other guy just got a yellow card,” Sakura explained. “They tripped Naruto on purpose, that’s illegal contact.”

Sasuke felt subtle rage at whoever the shithead was, that felt the right to try to sabotage Naruto. Naruto stood with the help of one of his other teammates. It seemed that he was exchanging words with the ref, but the other kid came over and started trying to talk to Naruto. 

“Are they going to—” Sasuke had been about to say _fight_ , but he saw the referee point at the opposing player and then towards the bench. Sasuke let out a sigh of relief. 

“I thought Naruto was going to punch that guy,” Sakura said. She sounded giddy, and that’s how Sasuke felt. He never thought he’d be so excited about _soccer_.

The opponent was forced to be on the bench for the remainder of the third quarter, and in that time Shino scored the team another point. Going into the fourth quarter, Konoha was up 7 to 4. “There’s no way we can lose,” Sakura said.

Sasuke felt excitement crawling up his body slowly. The anticipation of the last quarter was making Sasuke feel high. It wasn’t even that cold, anymore. Excitement made Sasuke’s body start to sweat. “Oh, that guy is back on the field,” Sasuke said, pointing. Sure enough, the player who already had what Sakura had called a yellow card was back on the field to start the last quarter.

“Hmph. If he knows what’s good for him, he’ll keep himself calm,” Sakura said.

Sasuke squinted out onto the field as the players started moving around. There was Naruto, making all of the decisions again. He was shouting instructions, he was executing plays, he was making passes. All Sasuke could see was Naruto, doing everything. Being everything for the team.

“Naruto, look out!” Sakura spring up again, shouting with her hands around her mouth, but it was too late. There came the same opponent as before, coming up behind Naruto and swiping his foot between Naruto’s legs while Naruto was dribbling the ball down the field. This time, Naruto fell face-first onto the wet grass.

“No, what the fuck!” Sasuke jumped up too, and he didn’t care about parents anymore. His eyebrows drew together in confusion and frustration. “Nothing’s going to happen to him?”

“I don’t know. I would have thought he was going to get another yellow card,” Sakura said. She stood with her hands on her hips. The game was paused again. The referees were all convening in the middle of the field with Naruto and the other kid, keeping them apart. 

Then, there was a commotion. The opponent had _pushed_ Naruto, and Naruto was trying to fight him back. “Naruto, no! It’s not worth it!” Sasuke shouted, though he knew Naruto wouldn’t hear.

Naruto had his back turned to the other player, and he was being held back by a ref. Somehow, the other player got free from the hold on _him_ , and Sasuke saw him try to take a swing at Naruto. It didn’t connect, but Naruto retaliated with his own strike that actually did hit. 

“Oh, shit!” Sasuke heard someone a few rows down exclaim. “They’re fighting!”

It was true, they were fighting. Naruto had punched whoever the guy was squarely in his jaw. Sasuke winced as the opponent landed one hit on Naruto before they were pulled apart for real this time. Two red cards were being held in the air now. 

“Damn it, Naruto! Fuck.” Sakura slumped back down onto the stands in a heap.

“What’s the red card mean?” Sasuke asked. He felt tingly as he watched Naruto being escorted to the sidelines. 

“He’s just gotten himself kicked out of the damn game,” Sakura said angrily. “But, this is his first one of the whole season. If we’re lucky, he’ll only be suspended for one game.”

“ _Suspended_?” Sasuke was incredulous. 

Sakura nodded solemnly. “Yes. It’s the automatic repercussion.”

Sasuke shook his head. No, no, the whole point of him coming to this game was to see Naruto be a star! Now, Naruto was being taken to the locker room. He had a bag with ice being pressed to his fist. Sasuke didn’t even want to stay now, he just wanted to go and punch that kid himself. Someone was talking on the microphone now, to explain what had happened. The confused murmuring in the bleachers died down so that people could listen. 

“Naruto of Konoha and Kankuro of Suna have both received red cards. The automatic penalty is ejection. Naruto has sustained a one-game suspension. Kankuro has sustained a two-game suspension, pending the end result of this match. The fourth quarter will now resume.” 

“Suspended? He’s the best player on the field!”

“What’ll we do, now?”

“Can we win, now? We can’t go without him for one game!”

All around him, Sasuke heard lamentations of how much they needed Naruto, how important he was to the team. He was beginning to have a sinking feeling. If they needed Naruto so badly, could they make it past the next game? And why did Sasuke care so much, suddenly? He hadn’t cared about soccer ever since he got cut from the first week of practice freshman year.

“I can’t even watch this,” Sakura said, shaking her head.

“No, we can’t leave,” Sasuke said, holding Sakura’s arm tight. “We have to see if they win or not.”

Sakura huffed and grumbled, but she drew the blanket up around their shoulders again and kept still. 

They didn’t win. Somehow, out of nowhere, the other team scored 5 points. Sasuke couldn’t believe it, the way the players started moving across the field once Naruto was gone. It was as though they had woken up from a deep sleep. Every time they scored Sakura sighed deeper and huffed harder. 

As soon as it was over, Sasuke was up on his feet. He wanted to get away from here, and to Naruto. He wanted to make sure Naruto’s hand was so alright, and that he wasn’t feeling too bad about himself or the loss. Did he even know they’d lost? Sasuke just wanted to make sure Naruto was ok. 

Sakura stayed behind with Sasuke. They were behind the locker rooms. Sasuke had asked if they were ok to stand right here, and Sakura scoffed. “I learned about this place from Hinata,” she said, causing Sasuke to roll his eyes. “For _sure_ you can stand here. No one can see us. He’ll know to look for us here.”

Sure enough, Naruto rounded the corner of the brick building a few minutes later. He was clean and showered, and wearing regular clothes, the shorts and the t shirt he had worn to school that day. Sasuke felt silly all of a sudden, bundled up in the blanket while Sakura went forward to greet Naruto. 

“Hey, let me see it,” she said, looking for Naruto’s injured hand. His knuckles were split open, but there wasn’t any more bleeding. They were swollen. “Mm.” Sakura lifted and studied Naruto’s hand carefully in the bright white light of the stadium. “It’s gonna be like this for a few days,” she said eventually. Sasuke had come forward at that point, and he too was examining Naruto’s clenched fist.

“Nothing I can do about it, then,” Naruto said with a light shrug.

“Hey, but you did really good out there!” Sakura hugged Naruto tight. He returned her embrace and closed his eyes with it. Sasuke felt awkward to watch them.

“Um, yeah, you did really good,” Sasuke piped up. Naruto opened his eyes and released Sakura.

“Oh, yeah? You don’t even know what I was doin’,” Naruto said. Sasuke could hear his smirk. He didn’t like it.

“Sakura taught me while we were watching. I didn’t, at first, honestly.” Sasuke shrugged. “I heard your name a few times, I guess.” Naruto could tease him about not knowing what was going on, but two could play at that game.

“Huh. A few times, you guess.” 

Sasuke looked at Naruto defiantly. Naruto was looking back at him, flexing his good hand a few times and still smirking. Sasuke heard Sakura clear her throat, and he glanced at her.

“I think I’m gonna… go. Good going, Naruto, seriously. You’re a star. You guys have fun! Be safe!” Sakura shouted over her shoulder. Sasuke saw she had video called Ino.

Sasuke turned back to Naruto just in time to see Naruto’s arms coming to envelope him. Sasuke hummed deep in his throat when he felt Naruto’s arms around him, and he hugged Naruto back harder. He almost dropped the blanket, but he managed to keep it on his shoulders. It had felt like an eon since he’d felt himself being held by Naruto, even though it had been a few hours. Sasuke was always hungry for it. He always craved Naruto’s touch. And, luckily for him, it seemed that Naruto always craved to touch him.

“Are you ok?” Sasuke asked. His face was in Naruto’s chest, but Naruto seemed to understand what Sasuke had said all the same. 

“I’m fine. It doesn’t hurt that bad, and she said it’ll be fine in a few days. Just sort of bummed,” Naruto said. He released Sasuke, but Sasuke couldn’t make himself move too far away. 

“Oh, yeah. She told me you got suspended. Well, would have been.” 

Naruto nodded, and then gave a disappointed sigh. “Yeah. But it doesn’t matter, anyway. We lost.” Naruto kicked at a rock near his foot. “Fuck, we were so _close_! And there were recruiters here. People were watching me, and Kiba, I think. It doesn’t even matter what he did. We lost, and I punched someone.” 

Sasuke held Naruto’s hand, the good one. He squeezed Naruto’s fingers tight. “Hey, hey. It’s ok. Remember your plan? About going to KU? You can still do that. I know you didn’t really wanna do that,” Naruto looked away, “but it’s still something you can do. And it’ll be fine. You’re amazing, you _are_ a star. I love you.”

Naruto’s smile made all of the shivering, apprehension, and anger feel worth it. It was a small smile, but Sasuke still saw Naruto’s teeth, and he felt blind. Naruto was a light in the dark, literally. “Thank you. I really hope you’re not just saying that, since you didn’t even really know what you were watching.”

Sasuke pouted. “I _told_ you. I learned while we watched.” He noticed, of course, that Naruto didn’t say it back. But there was nothing he could do about that, not really. 

“It’s getting late,” Sasuke said eventually, after they had been staring at one another for at least two whole minutes. 

“So?”

“So, I have to go home soon,” Sasuke said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, because it was. Naruto knew this, that his father was not joking around.

“How soon?” Naruto’s stupid smile made Sasuke’s knees feel weak. 

He looked from the left of himself to the right. God, was he about to do this? Of course he was.

“An hour, max.”

It was a blur, going from standing in the shadows of the locker room building to being pressed into the upholstery of Naruto’s backseat. The window was cracked, and they were underneath the blanket. This wasn’t even Sasuke’s blanket, it was _Sakura’s_ , but she’d left it with him and now it was being put to good use.

Sasuke didn’t try to keep himself quiet as he felt Naruto’s hips rutting against his own. How easy it was to let Naruto’s mouth attach to his neck again, to feel Naruto’s hand in his hair, tugging at it so that more of his throat was exposed. Sasuke’s fingers threaded into Naruto’s still slightly wet hair, but there was no grip there. He was hard in two seconds flat. An hour didn’t hardly seem like enough time, at first, but his body was reacting to things so fast that maybe 60 minutes was plenty of time. 

“You were so fucking hot,” Sasuke said breathlessly. Naruto lifted his head to look at Sasuke’s low eyes. 

“Tell me,” Naruto said gruffly, before his free hand, the bruised one, shoved its way into Sasuke’s unbuttoned jeans and started rubbing at his cock over his underwear. 

Sasuke bit his lip, and he was content to not say it, but then Naruto withdrew his hand. “ _Tell_ me,” he repeated, with a hard edge to his voice that made Sasuke want to listen.

“You were doing everything, I don’t know. You made nearly all the points, you were making all the moves, you fucking punched that guy.” Sasuke’s legs spread as much as they could. He wished for his pants to be _off._

Naruto hummed in approval and let his hand go back to what it was doing. His tongue flicked over the mark on Sasuke’s chest before he shifted up and slotted their lips together lazily. “I knew you were watching,” he said, and Sasuke whined loud when Naruto bit down on his bottom lip. “I went so hard because I knew you were out there, cheering me on. Wanted to impress you.”

Sasuke took his hand from Naruto’s hair and pushed at his own pants until he could kick them off. Sasuke nearly couldn’t get them off because of the blanket over Naruto’s back. He heard Naruto groan. “You did, you did,” Sasuke said. His eyes slipped shut when he finally felt Naruto’s fingers push his underwear down and wrap around his cock. He gripped Naruto’s bicep tight. 

Sasuke wanted nothing more than to feel Naruto’s body against his, _inside_ of him, but it was too soon. This was ok, this was fine, Naruto’s thumb sliding against the slit of his dick. Naruto knew his limits and he wasn’t going to test them tonight. It would have to be special, the greatest moment of Sasuke’s life, planned meticulously so that there would be no chance it was ruined. Of course, things like this, spontaneous events, were just as good.

Naruto was breathing heavily against Sasuke’s mouth as his hips started to stutter in their rhythm. He started getting a little lazy with his hand, but Sasuke didn’t mind, because at this point there was nothing that could keep him from finishing. Naruto’s hand in Sasuke’s hair came to brush at Sasuke’s lips. Sasuke took Naruto’s fingers into his mouth without even meaning to. Naruto took the opportunity to keep talking then. 

“Been thinking about doing this since last week,” Naruto was saying. His voice held a bass that made Sasuke shudder. Sasuke slid his tongue over Naruto’s two fingers and willed himself to listen and not get lost in what he was doing. It was hard when Naruto’s other hand started to pick up its pace again, fisting Sasuke’s cock so hard that he could barely think.

“Was so _jealous_ when you told me,” Naruto said. “You let other people touch you.” Sasuke whimpered. Naruto pulled his fingers from Sasuke’s mouth and then they moved down, down, down, until he was between Sasuke’s legs. Sasuke opened them up as far as he could given the space.

“I thought about you,” Sasuke admitted raggedly. Naruto’s fingers were sliding around his entrance, and he let the tip of one start to push in. 

“You thought of me when?” Naruto went so slow that Sasuke thought he might lose his mind.

“When I fucked them,” Sasuke supplied. His eyes were squeezing shut and his hand started to fist in Naruto’s hair when he felt Naruto’s finger push all the way in. It had been a long time since anyone had touched him like this, even himself. But Naruto would never let him forget that it wasn’t the first time.

Naruto bit down on Sasuke’s bottom lip again before he released him to ask, “What did you think about? Look at me.”

Sasuke shrugged. He opened his eyes just a sliver, to see that even in the dark he could make out the _need_ in Naruto’s eyes. “Thought about you, this. When they sucked me off, wished it was you. When I fucked them, wished it was you. Wanted _your_ hands on me. Fuck.” Just that fast, Naruto’s second finger was pressing its way inside of Sasuke, but he welcomed it. Naruto started shifting his fingers around, looking for the spot that would take Sasuke out. The hand on Sasuke’s dick never let up. Naruto was focused now on finishing him off. It seemed he’d forgotten about himself in that moment.

“Even _him_?” Naruto twisted the hand on Sasuke’s cock, and Sasuke emitted a ragged moan.

He nodded quickly and scratched his nails down Naruto’s back slowly. “Yeah, yeah, even him. Especially him. Thought about you fucking me, inside me. It was all I thought about,” Sasuke said. He felt it coming, the twisting in his belly only got tighter with every rough word Naruto spoke against his mouth, with every twist of Naruto’s hands on him and _in_ him.

“Ah, did you?” Naruto seemed pleased that he’d found Sasuke’s spot after Sasuke nearly screamed out a yes. 

“Yes, yes, yes, only you, every time,” Sasuke said shakily. His legs were quaking, his fingers were digging deep into Naruto’s skin even through his shirt. He hadn’t even done anything and his voice was still a wreck.

Naruto didn’t make him say anymore. He was whispering things against Sasuke’s lips, about how he couldn’t wait to feel it, and how he wanted to hear Sasuke. Sasuke surely didn’t try to hide the way Naruto’s hands were making him feel. 

“Gonna cum,” Sasuke breathed. He felt Naruto’s tongue swipe along his bottom lip before Naruto kissed him hard. 

“Do it,” Naruto whispered roughly. Sasuke didn’t have to be told twice. He felt his body tightening around Naruto’s fingers. This time _he_ bit down on Naruto’s lip by accident, rather than letting out any sort of harsh sounds. Sasuke hadn’t realized that he’d closed his eyes until he opened them. He looked between them, where Naruto’s hand was still wrapped loosely around his dick, and Naruto’s fingers were sliding from inside of him. Sasuke didn’t know how he had time to feel embarrassed by their position, but he did. He let his head fall back and he heaved a deep sigh that hurt his chest. 

Naruto sat back off of Sasuke’s body, breathing heavily. Sasuke raked his eyes over Naruto’s body one time before he sat up, too. He pulled his underwear back up and took note of where his pants had landed before he dragged himself over to Naruto. “You didn’t cum,” Sasuke said. He lifted himself up until he was on Naruto’s lap, his favorite place to be. 

Naruto looked up at Sasuke and shrugged. “It’s fine,” he said. “You said you have to be home, right? Don’t you need to go?”

Sasuke felt something come over him, and he shook his head. “Not for a few more minutes. I want you to cum,” he said. He didn’t know where this has come from, this sudden boldness. It caught Naruto off guard, too, if the way he raised his eyebrow was any indication.

“Ah?”

Sasuke nodded shyly. Whatever was making him so bold was coming and going in waves. He got off of Naruto then. “Let me see,” he said softly, tugging at the strings of Naruto’s shorts. Naruto let Sasuke pull them down until his boxers were exposed. Sasuke heard Naruto draw in a sharp breath.

“What’re you gonna do?” Naruto asked. Sasuke looked up at his face to see if he was trying to make any jokes. He wasn’t. 

“You’re so fucking stupid,” Sasuke said, before he hooked his fingers underneath the waistband of Naruto’s underwear and pulled them down in one fluid motion. 

Now, Sasuke has seen this before. They were kids, once. They had grown up together, and in the span of ten or so years, Sasuke had accidentally seen Naruto naked more than once. 

But he’d never seen it in this context, or so up close. Naruto’s dick was heavenly, even in the dark. Sasuke could barely see it, save for the tip which was glistening already with precum. He wasn't surprised to see that the hair around the base of Naruto’s cock was more brown than blonde. Sasuke took a long moment to appreciate Naruto’s body in its entire essence. Eventually, Naruto shifted and caused Sasuke’s attention to be move back to the present.

“You don’t have to,” Naruto said.

Sasuke shook his head. “Nonsense. I want to.”

Then Sasuke wrapped his hand around Naruto’s cock, tight but not squeezing, and he jerked it a few times. Naruto gasped above him. Sasuke took this to mean Naruto was pleased with what he was doing. 

It had been just as long since Sasuke had sucked anyone off. He hoped it was like riding a bike and that he hadn’t forgotten anything as he slid his tongue over Naruto’s tip, to taste. Very salty, as he had anticipated. But there was a sweet there, too. Maybe Sasuke was just biased.

Sasuke took half of Naruto’s cock into his mouth in one motion. Naruto made a choked sound, and his fingers moved to Sasuke’s hair within seconds. There was no grip there; it was probably just habit. Sasuke liked it, though. He almost wished Naruto would pull it.

Sasuke moved down over Naruto’s cock until he’d taken the whole thing once. Upon feeling Naruto hit the back of his throat he only shivered a small bit, compared to how violently he had reacted the first time he’d ever done this. Sasuke pulled off and used his hand to twist around the base of Naruto’s dick while he paid special attention to the top. He didn’t know why, he just had the feeling that was the sort of person Naruto was. 

He didn’t seem to be wrong; Naruto’s fingers started to grip Sasuke’s hair and he made a sort of keening noise. Sasuke groaned around Naruto’s dick, which only pushed Naruto further towards the edge. 

“Fuck,” Naruto wheezed. Sasuke sucked harder and flicked his tongue into the slit a few times, all while his hand fisted the base of Naruto’s dick. Sasuke wished for more praise, wanted to know just how good he was doing, but he could save that for another time.

Sasuke sort of wished Naruto would have warned him before he came, but it didn’t matter. He swallowed all the same. Naruto’s dick twitched on Sasuke’s tongue twice before he met his release. Sasuke didn’t pull off until he was sure Naruto was finished. He sat up and coughed. It hurt to cough. 

“I would ask where you learned to do that…” Naruto said, edging closer to Sasuke to kiss him, “but I don’t have to ask.” Sasuke was surprised that Naruto wanted to kiss him, after what he’d just done, but he didn’t complain and let Naruto’s tongue into his mouth. 

“Ok, for real this time,” Sasuke panted when they pulled apart, “I have to go home.” Naruto nodded. He handed Sasuke his pants. 

Sasuke was just about to exit the car when Naruto put a hand on his shoulder. “What?”

“Will you go on a date with me?” Naruto’s voice was so hopeful.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Yes, Naruto. Now, please.”

***

Itachi was leaving soon. Sooner than he’d told them. 

“Tomorrow? You’re leaving tomorrow?” 

Itachi’s face was grave. “Yes, Sasuke,” he said. He didn’t seem to want to elaborate any farther than that.

Sasuke had been so happy yesterday with Naruto, but all of those feelings were washed away just that fast. Itachi couldn’t be leaving, not so soon. He wasn’t supposed to be leaving until _next year_ — but all of a sudden, he was leaving tomorrow. 

“Did you already tell Mom and Dad?” They were in the garden again, where they felt the most safe from the outside world. Different things were growing now. Itachi has begun to grow some flowers for Mikoto in a corner she never looked in. 

“Yes, I told them. I told them a few days ago.”

“A few _days_ ago? When were you going to tell me?”

“Right now,” Itachi said simply.

Sasuke grumbled into his coffee cup. “So you’re going to leave tomorrow, and then what? When will you be back?” 

Itachi shrugged. “When there’s a lull in the research. Listen to me,” Itachi put a hand on Sasuke’s knee. They were sitting on a bench that Sasuke and Fugaku had built together years and years ago. Mikoto had made cushions for it that had red and blue stripes.

“I’m listening,” Sasuke said. He didn’t really want to hear it. It wasn’t fair, that Itachi was just going to up and leave and Sasuke only had a few hours to wrap his mind around it. 

“I wouldn’t leave you here, either of you, if I didn’t feel like I had to. If I didn’t have to, I’d never leave you or Mother here, alone, with him. I know that he pays attention to me the most, and without me here he’s going to try to latch on to you. And I want you to know something.” Itachi’s hand moved back to his cup of tea. “I already wrote it down, what I want you to know. In that journal I gave you, on your birthday. Have you been using it?”

Sasuke smiled a little. He nodded. “Yeah. Sometimes. Most of the time it’s just nonsense, but there are some important things in there, too.” Sasuke remembered that entry dated _October 11,_ and it made his heart happy. “So, you’re saying I can read it now?”

Itachi nodded. “When I’m gone,” he added pointedly. Sasuke nodded. He understood. 

Sasuke shivered. “What’ll you be doing, again?”

“Botany,” Itachi chuckled. “If I explain it any deeper I don’t think you’ll understand it too much.”

Sasuke nodded. He felt his eyes getting a little wet. “I can’t believe you’re leaving,” he said, looking at Itachi with sadness. Itachi returned his look with an even deeper sorrow than Sasuke thought he’d ever seen before. 

“I wish I could just do it here, but I can’t,” Itachi said with a sigh. Sasuke looked away. He was going to cry soon, if he kept looking. 

“I wish you could, too,” Sasuke said in a small voice. He leaned into Itachi’s arms when he felt himself being enveloped in a hug. “I just, I don’t know my life without you,” he said quietly. “I’ve known you since the day I was born.” His throat hurt because he wanted to sob but he wouldn’t let himself.

Sasuke felt Itachi’s laugh rumble in his chest. “Yes, this is true,” Itachi said. “And I have loved every second of it. And I am going to miss you every second I am away.” 

“I’m going to miss you, too,” Sasuke said. He pressed his lips together then so that he didn’t cry. Itachi held Sasuke close to his heart, and it was that sound that Sasuke heard when, 24 hours later, they were seeing Itachi off at the airport. 

Itachi first said goodbye to Fugaku, whose face was barely held together. They talked about when Itachi would come back home, and Fugaku told Itachi he should cut his hair. Itachi smiled. That’s never going to happen, Itachi said. Fugaku chuckled. I know, he said. You need to call us, we will miss you, Fugaku told him.

Then Itachi moved on to Mikoto. She was sniffling, but no tears fell. She smiled sadly as Itachi kissed her forehead. He was taller than her. She hugged him so tight that Sasuke heard Itachi’s breath was knocked out. “I wish you didn’t have to leave, my sweet child,” Mikoto said. Her long hair was pulled into a ponytail, just like Itachi’s. She inspected him just the way she did Sasuke, starting from the top of his head to the back of his neck to his chin to his shoulders. “You _must_ call me. I don’t care if I don’t understand your plant stuff. I need to hear your voice.”

Finally, Itachi moved on to Sasuke. Sasuke was just crying. He didn’t try to hide it. He didn’t try to fake as though he wasn’t crying. He had tears running down his face the entire way they had been driving Itachi to the airport. By now, he was nearly sobbing. He still managed to smile when Itachi’s eyes landed on him, soft and sad. “My dear brother,” he said quietly. He mirrored Mikoto’s previous actions, running his hands over Sasuke carefully. His thumbs rubbed slow circles into Sasuke’s shoulders. “I will never miss anyone more than I will miss you,” Itachi said. “I love you, so much. I have never felt a love for anyone that I have felt for you. You’re the most important person in my life, Sasuke.”

Sasuke shook his head and wished Itachi would stop being so mushy. He knew this, why did he have to say it? It hurt, Sasuke’s chest hurt. Maybe it was because he was nearly hyperventilating with his crying. Maybe it was just his heart. “I want you to remember the good things about me, but don’t forget about the bad things, either. Don’t forget about the times you loved me, _or_ the times you hated me. The times you admired me, _or_ the times you were jealous of me. Don’t forget me. I want to be a whole person in your memory. Love me for everything I gave you in your 17 years. I have loved you from the moment I met you, a few minutes after you were born. Love me the same way.” 

“I w-will,” Sasuke said. He was sort of choking. He felt his rib aching in his chest, and he wanted to stop breathing so hard, but he _couldn’t_. Oh fuck, was it hot? Maybe it was cold. Sasuke felt a little dizzy. He felt Itachi’s hold on him grow tighter, but it was too late. He collapsed. 

“Sasuke!” It was Mikoto, and she was holding him by his shoulders. Sasuke felt his chest heaving over and over, but he was barely breathing. His eyes strained to stay open. Damn it, he thought. Mikoto was shaking him, and Fugaku was standing over them with a concerned look. 

“It-tachi,” Sasuke mumbled, and then his head hit the floor. The feeling of his head slamming against the floor was the last thing he remembered before his vision started to go black around the edges.

Sasuke opened his eyes to find himself on top of a building. He felt bigger, older. More grown up. He was thinking about money, and home, but the home that came to mind was a lot different than the one story house he was used to. And _home_ in this time had traces of Naruto everywhere. Naruto’s clothes on the floor in the bedroom, Naruto’s things on the shelves, Naruto’s food in the fridge, Naruto’s… awards? Trophies. Hm.

“Naruto,” Sasuke heard himself say, “I’m tired.” It was nighttime, and it was a little warm. The stars were bright this high up. The lights of some city were far below them. It should have been noisy, but they were in the clouds, on top of the world. It was beautiful out here. It was a restaurant, Sasuke saw, but no one else was there. Just him, and Naruto, and the pretty lights strung above them. 

“It’s your birthday, Sasuke, can’t we just do something nice for once?” Naruto was pleading with him. He had a grip on Sasuke’s hand. 

“Fine,” Sasuke grumbled, and he allowed himself to be led to a table. It was made of glass and Sasuke could see his nice shoes through it. They were served _drinks_ and the food was delicious. It all seemed a little expensive.

“Sasuke…” Naruto’s voice trailed off. They had been talking about some expense that needed to be paid, and how Naruto would be leaving again soon. Leaving. To go where? Sasuke had no clue right now. 

“Hm?” Sasuke sipped on what tasted like red wine. He liked it a lot, which surprised him. He looked at Naruto over the rim of his cup.

“I know that I’m never around, and it hurts you. It hurts me too.” Naruto seemed to be speaking about his career. Sasuke wondered what it was that Naruto had ended up doing.

“I’m fine on my own,” Sasuke said defiantly, but he could see that Naruto knew he was lying. 

“Stop being defensive,” Naruto said. “Anyway,” he asserted, “I know that sometimes you wonder how… permanently I want you around, or want to be around you. And it’s just like I told you, all those years ago.” Naruto reached his hand out across the table. Sasuke let his fingers be twisted up into Naruto’s, though he never looked at them. Something in Sasuke’s mind was telling him this was getting serious.

“I’ll never want to stop being around you. And now, we live together, and I _love_ you, love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. I love you and our family and this is everything I had ever hoped for. We are far from home. But we made our _own_ home. And… and so,” Naruto said, taking a deep breath as though to steel himself. “I want to ask you something.” He released Sasuke’s hand and dug around in the pocket of his nice pants. Sasuke noticed just then that Naruto’s hair was slicked back, and it reminded him of years ago, the way Naruto had looked on his birthday. Was that his 17th birthday, or his 18th? It had been so long ago now, Sasuke could barely remember. He didn’t even allow himself to be confused about what _family_ meant.

Sasuke set his glass down and leaned over the table to better see what Naruto was digging for. “What are you doing?” He felt a little panicky. 

“Shh,” Naruto shushed him, and then he pulled it out, the smallest little velvet box Sasuke had ever seen. Sasuke covered his mouth and leaned back in his chair, shaking his head. 

“No, no, you can’t possibly—”

“Tell me a truth, Sasuke.”

Sasuke gulped and took a deep breath. “Ok.” He nodded. 

“Do you love me?” Naruto had stars in his eyes. Sasuke felt a pain in his chest.

“I love you. I am in love with you. I’m going to love you for the rest of my life. When I’m awake. When I’m asleep. When I blink. When I breathe. I love you. Yes.” Sasuke remembered himself saying something like this long ago, whispering it to Naruto in the dark. Maybe that was why his voice dropped so low as he spoke.

Naruto’s fingers flicked the box open, and there was a ring sat in it. Sasuke closed his eyes and shook his head again vigorously, but then he felt Naruto’s hands on his own, and he opened his eyes again. 

“And do you trust me?”

Sasuke nodded weakly. Naruto took the ring from the box and slid it onto Sasuke’s finger. 

“Then, will you marry me?”

And that was when Sasuke woke up.

He was still on the ground at the airport, but there were sterile-looking people standing over him. He turned his eyes slightly to see Mikoto and Fugaku hugging one another. Itachi was gone. “Where—” Sasuke cut himself off with a deep, rattling cough. 

“Shh, baby. Don’t speak, you’ll hurt yourself,” Mikoto said. Sasuke opened his mouth to try again, but thought better of it. 

“We’re going to recommend he get checked for asthma,” said one of the workers wearing white. A paramedic. Sasuke tried to sigh, but even that hurt. 

Mikoto nodded. “Right, yes. Can we take him home?” 

One of the medics looked at someone else and conferred with them for a moment. “That’s fine. As long as he gets checked soon.”

Sasuke was put to rest immediately when they returned home. “My poor baby,” Mikoto whispered to him, hugging him close in his bed. 

“What happened?” Sasuke wheezed. Mikoto kissed his hair. 

“You were crying so much, you started breathing strangely,” Mikoto explained. “I think it has to do with your other injuries, from before. Your lungs couldn’t draw in enough air, even when you had passed out.” She shook her head. “But it’s ok, because you’re here now. Itachi had to leave before he missed his flight. We told him you’re alright.”

Sasuke closed his eyes and let himself be held. He was thinking about his vision. What he’d seen, what he’d felt. That was a distant future, for sure. But how long would Sasuke have to wait? He didn’t _want_ to wait for that moment, he wanted it to happen now. 

Mikoto left him after he had been silent for ten minutes. Sasuke stared at the ceiling and tried to draw in full breaths. It was hard. He thought about Naruto. He needed to tell Naruto about his visions, before it was too late. And then, Sasuke’s mind turned to Itachi’s journal entry, and how he could read it now. He was going to save that for tomorrow, he decided. All he really wanted to do right now was sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope everyone liked this one. i write the end of this just as the news of kobe bryant’s passing started to come out. i loved him and i am a little sad now. i will continue to write, because it is what keeps me sane. he was so important to me and my family. i am speechless about it


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ten chapters already wow. what am i doing w my life. and over 1000 hits, thank youuuu!

As it turned out, Sasuke did have asthma now, brought on by the fact that he hadn’t let his chest cavity properly heal, so there would always be something wrong with the way he breathed. He was prescribed an inhaler, which he was told to keep with him at all times. Sasuke still left it at home sometimes.

Itachi was gone now, and Sasuke felt his absence the most. Sasuke missed Itachi when he woke up and didn’t see Itachi in the kitchen. Sasuke missed Itachi when he got the letter explaining how to take care of his plants (Itachi was old fashioned). Sasuke missed Itachi when he came home from school and he couldn’t tell Itachi how his day had been. Sasuke didn’t mean to, but he had begun to latch onto Mikoto heavily. She was all he had now, and she felt the same way, of course. Fugaku was upset, but he didn’t want to show it. He was more proud, if anything. Itachi was going to make a good name for himself and for their family. And it was Sasuke’s turn, Fugaku said, to get a hobby and find himself a career. Sasuke grumbled that plenty of kids his age didn’t know what they were going to do with their lives, and stomped off to his room to talk to his snake.

He was in his room, his eyes on the journal Itachi had given him. Sasuke’s birthday felt like a million years ago, when Itachi had first given it to him. He had written in it only a few times, but he had remained true and had never read what Itachi had written. Now, his fingers curling around the spine of the journal, Sasuke still didn’t think it was the right time to read it. Itachi had been gone for a month. Sasuke wasn’t sure what was written, but he had a feeling that it was important. A confession. Something Itachi was too scared to tell him out loud, or even when he was around. He had to be long gone and far away before he could tell Sasuke whatever this was.

Sasuke was just about to crack it open again, but he heard his phone buzzing on his bed, so he left the journal on his desk and went to answer it. It was Naruto. Sasuke sighed, a small smile curving the corners of his mouth as he slid his thumb across the screen. 

“Hello?” Sasuke laid down and dug himself into the covers. He had taken Sakura’s blanket with him after that night in Naruto’s car. When she’d asked about it, he had simply told her that she probably didn’t  _ want  _ it back. 

“Hi,” Naruto said. Sasuke could hear him smiling. It made his face feel warm, despite how cold his room was. Sasuke was one of those people who needed the fan to be on at all times. 

“What is it?” Sasuke asked.

“Are you feeling ok?” Naruto was concerning himself far too much with Sasuke’s asthma.

“Yes, I’m fine right now,” Sasuke said. He coughed after he said it. 

“Hm. You’re coughing. Are you sure?” 

Sasuke rolled his eyes and turned over on the bed. “Yes, Naruto. Don’t worry about me,” he huffed. 

“I can’t help it. Listen.” 

“I’m listening,” Sasuke said. He remembered saying it to Itachi a month ago, before he had left. 

“I want to take you out,” Naruto said. Sasuke heard clicking on the other end. It seemed Naruto was working on something on his computer.

“Take me where? How do you even know I’ll say yes?” Sasuke said.

“You said yes before. You’ve said yes 3 times now,” Naruto said, distracted. 

“That was before,” Sasuke said. It wasn’t that he wanted to say no, and before, when Naruto pressed him, he just said yes. He couldn’t help himself, wanting to be around Naruto and just be lost in everything that Naruto was. The smell of Naruto, the  _ taste _ of Naruto, the sight of Naruto. Hearing Naruto speak. Feeling Naruto’s touch. All of it.

But Sasuke’s heart was growing hard, and tired. He loved Naruto, he would always love Naruto, and he wanted to love Naruto forever. And he said so. But Naruto never did. He would smile, and he’d kiss Sasuke’s forehead, or hug him close, but he never said it back. And that  _ hurt _ . Sasuke wished that he could have just seen that, the first time Naruto said it back, rather than something he knew wouldn’t happen for years. 

“Before what?”

“Before I told you I love you ten times and you haven’t said it once,” Sasuke said. He heard Naruto sigh deeply. 

“This isn’t something we should talk about on the phone.”

Annoying. “When should we talk about it, then? You never want to talk about it.” Sasuke felt his annoyance turning to real anger. He rolled over, put his phone on speaker, and placed it on the pillow next to him. 

“Sasuke,” Naruto said. 

“ _ Naruto _ ,” Sasuke said sharply. “I’m just saying, there’s like… how am I supposed to feel? I love you. That’s eleven. I will always feel that way. I  _ have  _ always felt that way. And we can do, ya know, things, but that doesn’t mean anything. I want to know that you love me.  _ If  _ you love me.”

It wasn’t about the fact that they weren’t telling people, or the fact that there wasn’t a name on what they were doing. Sasuke preferred that there was no name, because that added pressure that he didn’t want. He was content to just  _ be  _ with Naruto.

They had talked about that, at least. Laying in Naruto’s parents’ bed (sometimes, Kushina took Minato with her on her work trips, and Naruto always slept in here when they left. It smelled like them in here, and it made him miss them just a little less. No one but Sasuke knew this about Naruto), Sasuke’s face was in Naruto’s neck. Itachi hadn’t left yet, at that point. 

“What is… this?” Naruto had posed the question. His fingers were in Sasuke’s hair. Sasuke had been about to fall asleep.

“What is that? That’s my hair,” Sasuke mumbled. He had been coming over more and more recently, to make sure Naruto wasn’t too down on himself about the soccer. And because he was starting to get used to sleeping next to Naruto.

Naruto flicked Sasuke’s shoulder. “Not that, you dope. What is this? What are we?”

Sasuke felt his body beginning to tense up in spite of himself. It was a simple question, it wasn’t a bad question. It was just curiosity. And in his silence, Sasuke asked himself the answer to this question. He loved Naruto, and that had been enough for him. But he supposed that wasn’t really enough. To be together, when it was becoming more and more clear that Sasuke was going to leave here and Naruto was going to stay? That would hurt Sasuke too bad, hurt him to a point that he didn’t know if he could recover from. But, he could stay, he could stay with Naruto, just like he always wanted to. Or go wherever Naruto went. Just because he’d gotten the red card didn’t mean that he hadn’t been noticed for the other things, the good things. Coach Guy was telling Naruto all about the calls he was getting; it would be a matter of time before someone noticed the fire of Naruto’s youth and wanted to recruit him.

“We are together,” Sasuke said eventually, after his mind went on the tangent of how Naruto might really leave him behind. “In my humble opinion,” Sasuke added, and he touched his pinkie lightly to Naruto’s nose.

Naruto scrunched his face up and smiled. He nodded slightly. “Alright. We are together. In every way?”

Sasuke nodded and closed his eyes as he yawned. “In every way. For the rest of my life, we are together. I love you,” Sasuke hummed. He snuggled himself deeper into Naruto’s arms.

But Naruto didn’t say it back then, and he still wasn’t saying it back now. 

“Is it that you don’t love me? That I’m just, what, something  _ fun  _ right now while you get over the love of your life?” Sasuke grit his teeth. 

“Sasuke, stop it,” Naruto pleaded, but Sasuke had already started. 

“I don’t know that much,” Sasuke said, “but I  _ know  _ it didn’t take you very long to tell her that you loved her.” There. He’d said it. It had been at the front of his mind since this conversation had started, and he had been thinking about it for weeks. Now he’d finally said it.

“Sasuke.” Naruto’s voice had an edge that usually made Sasuke want to listen to him. But not this time.

“I was there, Naruto,” Sasuke pointed out. “Sure, I wasn’t in whatever room you were in, but I was always there. You told me. You told me every single thing.” Sasuke was talking with his hands now as his anger mounted. “And I would sit there, listening to you  _ feel  _ so strongly about her, want to  _ be  _ with her, and  _ love  _ her. You loved her, and it was obvious. Everyone knew that you loved her.”

Naruto was silent, though Sasuke thought he could hear something tapping. A pencil, or something. “And I just want to now… I need to know. I need to know if you feel the same way, even remotely, about me. I have put my life on the line, and—”

Oh, shit. Sasuke realized a little too late that he didn’t want to say that. 

“Your life on the line. What does that even mean?”

“Never mind that. It isn’t about me, it’s about you. You, and whether or not you love me.”

“Tell me a truth, Sasuke.”

Damn it. 

“I will tell you a truth,” Sasuke said, “just not right now. We have school tomorrow, it’s getting a little late, isn’t it?”

Naruto didn’t sound pleased with Sasuke’s sudden turn of attitude. “I want to know what you meant by that,” Naruto said. 

“I’m going to tell you,” Sasuke said quickly. “I’ll tell you when you tell me that you love me.” And then he hung up in a panic, and he felt terrible about it, but it was all he could do.

Sure, he had told Naruto about the sex, and he’d told Naruto about the pills, and he’d told Naruto about how he felt. All of that paled in comparison to telling Naruto about the visions. It was something he wanted to take to his grave, honestly. It was too hard to explain. And it wasn’t like he thought Naruto would be angry about it, because it was something Sasuke couldn’t help. It was just the fact that Sasuke had to risk his life to see things. He’d only done it on purpose once, but still. Even if Naruto wasn’t saying he loved Sasuke right now, he had shown before that he cared deeply about Sasuke’s safety. Knowing something like this would make Naruto worry about him way too much.

Sasuke sighed and shoved his phone underneath his pillow. Tomorrow was only Tuesday. He’d have to talk to Naruto at school eventually, and he didn’t want to do that. He didn’t want to have to face Naruto and test him. Every time he put it off, he would be testing Naruto’s patience. Naruto wasn’t the most patient boy, Sasuke knew, and he also knew that he didn’t have too many chances left with Naruto and the lying.

Sasuke ventured out of his bedroom to find Mikoto. He needed to find her, and tell her about the vision he’d had. She had visions before that ended up being years away; he wanted to know how she  _ stood  _ it. 

“Mom?” It always hurt to pass by Itachi’s bedroom on his way out to do anything, but Sasuke ignored the closed door for the time being. He looked everywhere for his mother, but he couldn’t find her.

Sasuke decided to go outside, to Itachi’s plants, to think. That was where he found Mikoto. She was walking among the rows of whatever grew in the wintertime. 

“Oh, Mom. I was looking for you,” Sasuke said. He shoved his feet into the flip flops he kept back here just for walking around. Mikoto turned and pulled at her sleeves. Sasuke didn’t like that.

“Good evening, my son,” Mikoto said. She offered Sasuke a small smile and opened her arms to him. He found himself against her chest in an instant. He felt her wince when he returned her embrace.

“I wanted to ask you something, but… where’s Dad?” Sasuke’s words were muffled by Mikoto’s shoulder, but she still heard him. Her fingers slid into his hair and he saw her hair shifting as she shook her head.

“He’s away,” Mikoto whispered.

“Away?”

Mikoto sighed and held Sasuke at her arm’s length. “He’s gone for the night. Or the week. I don’t know when he’ll be back.”

Oh. So this wasn’t for work. 

Sasuke’s eyes assessed Mikoto’s expression. “I’m sorry, Mom,” he said. She shook her head again. 

“It’s never your fault, my sweet boy. And it isn’t mine either.” 

Sasuke let Mikoto hug him again, and he didn’t try to rush her. He didn’t know the last time his father had done this; he’d been so oblivious to the things that went on between his parents when Itachi was around. Now, he was going to have to step up and be there for his mother when she needed him most.

“You said you have a question for me?” They were sitting on the bench now. Mikoto was looking at Sasuke, but Sasuke’s eyes were on the stars.

“Do you remember when you told me about your visions? And the very first one was of me, the day I was born?” Sasuke asked. He was trying to choose his words carefully.

Mikoto nodded. “Yes, I remember. What about it?”

Sasuke chewed his lip for a moment. “How did you stand the wait? When I had the asthma attack last month, I saw something that I know can’t be for years, maybe a decade. And I don’t want to wait that long, I don’t know if I  _ can _ .”

Mikoto chuckled. “But you did, didn’t you? You saw it. That means that sometime between now and then, you decided that you  _ could  _ wait. And so you did. I don’t know how I stood it, really. I didn’t know if it was real, if it could possibly be true. I didn’t see myself ever forgiving your father for his indiscretions. But I did, and you are here now.” Mikoto looked to the sky, just like Sasuke. He wondered what she saw there. 

“It’s just something you’re going to have to do. It will happen when you least expect it, mostly. I  _ knew  _ I was pregnant, but you know what I mean.” Mikoto turned her head to Sasuke again. “I’m sure there’s something that indicated some sort of time, but you’ll forget about it. You’ll forget that you even saw it, until it happens.”

Sasuke nodded. That made sense, that’s how it had been happening before. He had forgotten about sneaking into Naruto’s window until he did it. He had been a little more conscious of the second event because of the fighting he and Naruto had been going through, but he hadn’t possibly expected for it to be on Naruto’s birthday. 

“That makes sense. Thank you, Mom,” Sasuke said. 

“Of course, baby.” Mikoto stood and gave Sasuke her hand so that he could stand, too. “You need to go to sleep, soon. School tomorrow. Just a few more weeks until you’re off for the winter, right?”

“Yeah,” Sasuke said. He could not wait for that.

The next day, Sasuke did a terrible job of trying to avoid Naruto. In truth, he wasn’t really trying, he just hoped that Naruto would understand he needed space and he wouldn’t bother him. But a boy can only hope.

He was chatting idly at his locker with Sakura and Ino when he saw Naruto’s sunshine hair moving through the hall, coming towards them. 

“Why can’t you tell me what happened to my blanket? I want that back, ya know,” Sakura was saying. Sasuke fidgeted.

“I’m serious when I say that you  _ don’t _ .” 

Sakura lifted an eyebrow in suspicion, but before she could ask again, Naruto was right behind her. What Sasuke wouldn’t give to have his medicine right now. It was somewhere in Itachi’s room, stashed among his things. Sasuke had looked for it, but there was no trace of it. 

“Hey, Nart,” Ino said.

Sakura greeted Naruto with a shove that he didn’t return. “You’re looking awfully gloomy today,” Sakura noted. She glanced at Sasuke. He pretended not to notice. 

“Oh, I’m fine. Just a little tired.” Naruto turned his eyes to Sasuke, who fought the urge to shrink down. He was strong, he could do this. 

Ino seemed to notice the strange way Naruto and Sasuke were looking at one another. “I have to be across campus in a few minutes, I’m gonna go. Sakura, d’you wanna walk with me?” Ino held out her hand to Sakura, and Sakura’s face got all pink. 

“Yeah, ok. I’m serious about my blanket, Sasuke!” She said over her shoulder, and then they were gone. It had almost been funny, how dopey Sakura got around Ino. It would have been, if Sasuke didn’t feel the hair on the back of his neck rising because Naruto was fixing him with a sharp gaze.

They stood like that, just looking at each other, for a long time. So long that Sasuke thought maybe time had frozen. But, no. People were still walking by them, and the first bell had just rang. 

“I want to talk about it,” Naruto said finally. His voice wasn’t as hard as his eyes.

Sasuke sighed. “I’m sure you do,” he said. He turned back to his locker to rearrange his books and things. 

“I’m serious, Sasuke, I want to know what you meant.” 

Sasuke made a face at his binders. He wanted to say that he didn’t mean anything by it, but that would be a lie. And he knew how thin of ice he was on with  _ that _ . So instead, he turned his head to Naruto and lifted one shoulder in a shrug. 

“I told you. I’ll tell you what I meant when you can tell me that you love me, and mean it,” Sasuke said, cutting Naruto off where he had opened his mouth to speak. “I don’t want to hear it if you don’t mean it. Figure yourself out, Naruto, I don’t have time for this. It’s easy for me, I love you. That’s twelve. It’s always been you.” Sasuke slammed his locker shut and leaned against it. “And I guess I can understand that it wasn’t always me, people fall in love in strange ways, at strange times, when they least expect it. That’s fine. But I don’t want to  _ be  _ with you, or anyone, just for convenience. Just because it works right now. Just because it’s something to do. I want to be with someone, and I want someone to be with me, for love. And I love you, so that’s why I want it to work. That’s thirteen.”

Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose. “Will you stop counting? And, anyway, it isn’t that easy, Sasuke.”

“Why not?” Sasuke couldn’t keep himself from glaring. 

“Because, I… have never felt like this before. I  _ thought  _ I loved her, but this isn’t the same feeling. And I don’t know. And I don’t want to hurt you, I’d rather die. I just… you’re right,” Naruto said suddenly. “I need to figure myself out.”

“And what does that mean for you?” They were walking now.

“It means that I need to understand how I feel before I just say something. Because I want to mean it, and you’re right, it shouldn’t be said if you don’t mean it. If I don’t mean it.” Naruto pointed to himself with his thumb.

“Uh huh.” Sasuke was trying to act nonchalant and airy, but on the inside his world was falling apart. Never had he thought that after he told Naruto he loved him, Naruto would have to discover whether or not he felt the same way. “So you need to think about it, then.” Not a question.

Naruto nodded anyway. They stopped outside the door of Sasuke’s math class. “I need to think about it,” he echoed. “I don’t really know what that means, right now, I can’t lie to you. I want to be around you, but I suppose you want space. Space and time.”

Sasuke looked past Naruto’s face. He couldn’t think about being away from Naruto right now, when he felt so needy, when he felt like he needed to know  _ now _ . But he blinked and nodded anyway. 

“Yeah, I guess. I don’t really want to,” Sasuke admitted, and he caught the way Naruto’s eyes lit up, “But I have to. And more than me,  _ you  _ have to. Because I’m all figured out.” Sasuke had been about to say it again, count it again, but he just stopped talking then and instead went to class.

***

Sasuke didn’t really know how to come back to Naruto, a few days later, to ask him what he was thinking about. And luckily, he didn’t have to. Naruto came to him.

Sasuke felt a little lost after school, now that soccer was over. There was no more practice, and that meant no more reason to wait for Naruto. He had been waiting for Naruto in his car, anyway, for the past month. Before they had decided on space and time. That had been Tuesday, and it was Friday now. 

Sasuke was sitting in his car, on the phone with Sakura, when he saw Naruto coming towards him. “Hold on, Sakura, Naruto is coming. I’ll call you back later,” he said, and he had just pressed the red button when Naruto’s fist rapped on the window.

Sasuke rolled the window down. “Yes?” He had to work hard not to sound too excited.

“Can I invade your space and time? I can go away, I just have something to tell you. Something really good! And then I’ll leave. Deal?” Naruto’s voice was hopeful. Sasuke presses the button to unlock the door, and he watched Naruto nearly run around the front of the car to get into passenger’s side.

“Ok, ok, I’ll make it fast,” Naruto promised. Sasuke nodded but didn’t interrupt. “So, I was about to leave the locker room, you know, since I have P.E. for my last period.” Sasuke nodded again. “Yeah, so I was in there, and Coach Guy stopped me and told me he got a call from some school in the Carolinas, I don’t even remember the name now. But they had a recruiter at that game, and they said that my stats before halftime were better than some of their starters. They want me to sign, Sasuke.”

Sign. Sign a letter of intent. Intent to attend. Attend a school that  _ wasn’t  _ doesn’t down the street from his house. Sasuke thought he might pass out.

“Oh, that’s… that’s so great, Naruto,” Sasuke said weakly. He wanted to able to put a finger on why he was about to cry, and he supposed it was selfishness. He wanted Naruto to succeed, but only in a place where he was accessible. But that wasn’t right. Naruto had things ahead of him,  _ clearly _ , that had nothing to do with Sasuke. 

Naruto’s face was confused. “I know you probably didn’t want to see me, but I thought you’d be a little happier.”

Sasuke shook his head. “No, I am, I’m really happy. It’s everything you’ve been waiting for. Travel, meeting new people, and soccer. What’s not to be happy about?” But even as he said it Sasuke’s voice broke the sentence in half. He just couldn’t, he couldn’t even pretend. 

“What is it? Why’re you crying? I don’t like it when you cry,” Naruto said. His voice got soft at the last part. Sasuke’s eyes were closed, or else he would have seen Naruto’s hand coming before it threaded into his hair. 

“I’m being ridiculous,” Sasuke said. “This isn’t about me, it’s about you. You’re so talented, Naruto. You got a red card and they still want you to  _ sign _ . I’m happy for you, I am.” 

“So then why are you crying? People don’t usually cry when they’re happy.” Naruto’s fingers carded his fingers through Sasuke’s hair in a way that soothed him enough to where he stopped crying. 

“I am happy, Naruto. You’re going to get out of here, you’re going to get to leave. And I will be here, waiting to find my passion. Even if I leave, too, I’m not going to know what I want to do with myself. And I won’t be wherever you’re going, that’s for sure.” Sasuke hated himself for even saying it, because it was so insanely selfish that he couldn’t believe his mind was even moving in that direction.

Naruto was silent for a moment, thinking. He never took his hand from Sasuke’s hair, though it did stop moving. Eventually, Naruto sighed. “I don’t want to leave you,” he admitted. “I almost told him to call them back and tell them I wouldn’t do it. After all of these years, of me wanting to leave this cursed town that we are from… suddenly, I don’t really want to be anywhere else.

Sasuke opened his eyes and look at Naruto. “Don’t do something so stupid because of me.” He heard Naruto laugh. 

“I’m not. I’m gonna go.” 

Sasuke pouted and turned his head out the window. Naruto was still everything Sasuke had ever wanted. And now he was  _ leaving,  _ it was guaranteed. He was leaving Sasuke, he was leaving Sakura, he was leaving Minato, he was leaving Kushina. He was leaving Gamakichi and Gamatatsu, too. Sasuke closed his eyes again, and thought maybe if he wished hard enough, he wake up from this. But when he opened his eyes, he knew that this wasn’t a dream. Or a nightmare, despite how his heart was breaking. Outside his window, it was beginning to rain.

“It just made me think,” Naruto said, breaking the silence between them. Sasuke turned to look at him again, this time with much sadder eyes. 

“Think what?” 

Naruto drew his lip between his teeth for a second. Sasuke wanted to kiss him, but he sat where he was and waited patiently for Naruto to say whatever it was that he was thinking. 

“I was thinking, all week. Figuring myself out. I had never felt anything about a,” a sigh, “boy before, but you’re not just a boy, I realized. You’re my soulmate. We were brought together, and we’ve stayed together. And like I told you, I  _ thought  _ I loved Hinata, but I had no clue what love was. Not then. But I know now.”

Sasuke took Naruto’s hand from his hair and held it. “How do you know?”

“Because… mm.” Naruto pressed his lips together. Sasuke leaned forward over the center console.

“Because I love  _ you,  _ and I’ve never felt this before, so I couldn’t have loved her.” Naruto’s eyes were deeply serious, and so was his voice. “I love you, Sasuke. I’ve never been more sure about something before.”

And then Naruto was pressing kisses all over Sasuke’s face; his nose, his forehead, his cheeks, his lips. Sasuke’s heart was not so broken anymore. 

“That’s only two times,” Sasuke pointed out in between his little giggles. Naruto’s hair was tickling him. 

Naruto stopped all at once and fixed Sasuke with a serious look. “How many times do I owe you? It’s ten, right?”

“You owe me  _ eleven _ ,” Sasuke said. He crossed his arms over his chest, but his smile never left his lips.

“Oh, eleven, is it?” Naruto’s hand came to the back of Sasuke’s neck, pulling him forward ever so slightly. “Let me see. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,” Naruto said, so fast that he made himself out of breath. “How many is that?”

Sasuke counted on his fingers. “That’s six. Five more.” Being so close to Naruto and not kissing him was driving Sasuke mad. But he was patient. And he couldn’t help but relish this moment, hearing Naruto say what he’d been wanting to hear from him since he was 8 years old.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” Naruto said, his voice dropping with every new utterance. His eyes were getting low, too, and dark. Sasuke bit his lip and shifted in his seat. 

“I love you.” Naruto’s lips were brushing Sasuke’s earlobe. Sasuke shivered.

“I love you.” Naruto’s mouth was against Sasuke’s now, but not in the way he wanted. He felt himself fidgeting and growing impatient.

“I love you.” Finally,  _ finally, _ Naruto slotted their lips together, and Sasuke felt a spark he’d never felt before. Naruto’s other hand came up in an instant to cup Sasuke’s face, and Sasuke wrapped his arms around Naruto’s shoulders. He wanted him impossibly closer, he wanted to  _ touch _ , but they were in the car now and that wasn’t a possibility. Unless they got in the back. Sasuke wanted to get in the back.

Naruto pulled away after a while to breath, and Sasuke cursed at his rattling lungs. “I love you,” Naruto said again, this time pressing a kiss to Sasuke’s forehead. “One to grow on.”

“You’re an idiot,” Sasuke said, sitting back against his seat. It was going to be hard, coming to terms with the fact that Naruto was leaving. But they could do it, however hard it was. Because they were together. Because they loved each other.

By now it was really raining. Sasuke had no plans to leave this spot until it cleared up. He hated driving in the rain.

“So,” Naruto said, after they had really caught their breath.

“So?”

“Now you have to tell me what you meant by what you said. Tell me a truth.” 

Fuck.

“Now isn’t really the time, Naruto. It’s a long story.” Sasuke still made no moves to leave. He sighed and slouched deeper into the seat. There was no way to get out of this.

“We have time. It’s raining, and I know you. You wouldn’t drive in this if your life depended on it,” Naruto said, gesturing to the rain beating down on the front window.

Sasuke grumbled. “Fine.” He grew serious again in an instant. He was also beginning to feel stress, a slow panic rising in him. He wasn’t worried Naruto would judge him; he just didn’t  _ know _ how Naruto would feel about it, or if he would even believe him.

Sasuke felt his fingers shaking. “Can we go back there? No funny business. I just want you to hold me,” Sasuke asked, jerking his thumb behind him. 

Naruto rolled his eyes up to the sky. “Uh, yeah. You first.”

Sasuke didn’t even have the time to feel embarrassed about how easy it was for him to climb into backseats. He made as much as space as possible for Naruto, but Naruto still managed to shove into his space. “Shit. You’re a whole lot better at this than me,” he said with a huff. 

Sasuke waited until Naruto was settled before he moved closer. Naruto’s arms were already open, and Sasuke laid his head against Naruto’s chest. So comfortable. So safe. Yes, he was safe. Safe enough to tell the truth.

“Do you remember the day at the lake?”

Naruto scoffed above Sasuke's head. “I’ll never forget it. What about it?” Naruto petted Sasuke’s head gently.

“When I thought I was going to drown, like, really die, I closed my eyes and I saw something.”

“What sort of something? Like a white light?”

Sasuke shook his head and pinched Naruto’s arm. “No, dummy. Nothing like that. I saw something happen.”

Naruto was silent. He was letting Sasuke finish.

“I saw the night I snuck into your window. The night you told me Hinata broke up with you.”

Naruto’s body grew tense under Sasuke’s fingers. “What do you mean, you saw it?”

“I watched it happen through my own eyes. Watched it happen,  _ felt  _ it. I was helpless to stop it from happening. But I didn’t tell you because… it sounded crazy.” Sasuke sighed. “It still sounds crazy, even now. And because I didn’t think you’d really like to hear about how you and someone you thought you loved weren’t going to be together anymore.” Sasuke moved his hands in a circle. “A combination of things, ya know.”

“So you knew we were going to break up. You knew. You knew for, like, a month. And you never said anything?” Naruto sounded incredulous.

“Yes?”

“Wow.” Naruto was shaking his head. 

“What?”

“You’re just a really good liar, I guess. Good at keeping things to yourself.” Sasuke didn’t know why that hurt so bad to hear. Maybe it was because Naruto was right.

“That wasn’t the last time, I had another one. When I… had the accident.” Sasuke didn’t like talking about that night very much. “I saw your birthday, when we were in your backyard. When you were telling me how much you need me, how  _ lucky  _ you were that I was still around.” Sasuke hummed at that memory.

“Hm. I remember that day, too,” Naruto said. His voice was warmer now. His body wasn’t so tense. “Wait, so, explain it again? It’s when you nearly…?” Naruto made a sound as though he couldn’t possibly bring himself to say the word. 

“Yes,” Sasuke said quietly. He had been relaxing, but now he was feeling stress again. His hands were starting to sweat. To tell Naruto that he had seen him  _ propose  _ was something completely different. It hadn’t happened yet, and it was serious. It meant that somewhere in the future, they were seriously together in the future. No amount of fighting, or distance, or anything like that, had pushed them apart. Oh, what was Sasuke thinking? It was everything he wanted Naruto to know.

“I had another one, a month ago.”

“When you had your asthma attack?”

Sasuke nodded. His fingers traced the buttons of Naruto’s shirt. He shifted closer, and Naruto held him tighter. 

“What’d you see, this time?” Naruto asked with genuine curiosity.

“I saw us,” Sasuke said. 

“Of course. What did we do?”

“It was my birthday, again. Years from now. I felt older, bigger. More tired. But we were together. On top of some building, it was really nice.” Naruto made a pleased sound. Sasuke kept going. “I didn’t want to be there, though. Well. More like, I just wanted something a lot less fancy.”

Naruto snorted. “Sounds like you.”

Sasuke pinched Naruto again. “You asked me to marry you,” he said quickly, so fast that it was almost one word. 

“I did what?”

“You asked me to marry you. You proposed to me. On my birthday, at night, on some roof. I think we were rich. I think you were famous.” Sasuke wished that the vision had last longer, and that he’d had more thoughts during it. Seeing Naruto pull the ring out had made his mind blank.

For a long time, Naruto was silent besides a few hums here and there. Eventually, he grabbed hold of Sasuke’s shoulders, and Sasuke took the hint that Naruto wanted him to sit up. Naruto’s eyes were soft when Sasuke looked at him. The rain had started to let up.

“I don’t understand it, and I don’t think you do either,” Naruto said quietly, “but I think it’s  _ beautiful _ . So dangerous, but so beautiful. I don’t ever want you to be so close to leaving me again, but… thank you. For telling me. And for staying with me. Now and forever. I love you.”

Sasuke smiled down at his lap. He played with his fingers and made a content sound when he felt Naruto kiss his forehead again. 

“Hey,” Naruto said, lifting Sasuke's face to look at him.

“Hm?”

“You owe me one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again with the indulgence, i’m genuinely sorry that i am such a sap


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m just blown away by the positive reception of this story like... how, why. thank you so much everybody who reads it and looks forward to it and comments on it. it’s really giving me purpose.

Naruto’s signing day was in the spring. He would leave soon after that, to start going to classes and get a head start. He was going to leave Sasuke and all the rest behind him, to begin his real life. A collegiate athlete. And a full-time student. A real person. With real goals, aspirations, and plans. And Sasuke would be left behind. But he didn’t think about it too much, not when he could spend time with Naruto. He was still here, so Sasuke would make the most of it. 

For someone who needed to keep his grades up, Naruto sure did suggest they do anything but study. 

“Naruto, you need to focus,” Sasuke said. He tapped his pencil expectantly on the pages of Naruto’s statistics textbook. All Naruto wanted to do was play games on the TV or take his toads out of their terrarium and let them roam freely. 

“Oh,  _ come on _ ,” Naruto whined. He flopped down onto the sofa next to Sasuke. The sounds of some racing game were loud in the house. Minato was around somewhere, tending to the house like he always was. 

Sasuke adjusted his glasses. “This is important, you dolt. If your grades slip then you won’t be playing any soccer. You’ll be living here,” Sasuke pointed around the room with the eraser-end of his pencil, “and you won’t be playing  _ anything  _ but that stupid game. Turn it off and focus.”

Naruto’s face sagged into a pout. He crossed his arms. “But I don’t  _ want  _ to. I’m fine right now. I only have, like, three Cs right now.”

“That’s half of the classes you’re taking right now, Naruto. Just because you’re going to be a student athlete doesn’t mean that you can just be a fucking idiot,” Sasuke said, and then he looked around fast to see if Minato was around. Minato didn’t have a problem with it, but Sasuke still always felt bad when Naruto’s parents heard him cursing. It made him feel… less. They never did, no matter what happened to them. They taught Naruto not to for a long time. Sasuke didn’t have such guidance as this at home.

“It will be fine, Sasuke, seriously. We’ve been doing this since school got out three hours ago. The sun is going down,” Naruto pointed out. He walked across the room to a window and drew back the curtains. And he was right, the sun  _ was  _ nearly down. “See? We can give it a rest.”

Sasuke sighed in defeat. He closed the book lightly and placed it to the side of him. Naruto came and sat next to him again. “Fine,” Sasuke said finally. “What do you wanna do, then?” 

Naruto glanced at the TV, and then back at Sasuke. Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Yeah, ok. But we’re studying  _ extra hard  _ tomorrow.”

Naruto jumped up from the couch and grabbed the controllers that were stashed underneath the console. “You’re going to lose, and when I win, I get to pick what we do tomorrow.”

“Bullshit.” Sasuke looked about himself again. “You’re not winning. We’re going to  _ study  _ tomorrow,” Sasuke asserted.

“Do you want to bet?” The challenge in Naruto’s voice was delicious. Sasuke could not resist. He spit in his palm and held it out.

“It’s a bet.” Sasuke still managed to wince when Naruto spit into his own palm and they shook on it. 

Sasuke lost, and he wasn’t surprised. Naruto had always been much better at this game than him; and anyway, if there was competition involved, Naruto didn’t know how to lose. Sometime during the last lap of the race, Minato said he was going to the store because they were out of something or other. Neither of them had been listening.

“There, I win,” Naruto said, setting his controller down with a clack on the floor. 

“Yes, you did those stupid shortcuts again” Sasuke waved a dismissive hand. “So, what have you won?”

Naruto scratched his chin as he pretended to think. “Ya know, you owe me one,” he reminded. Sasuke felt his face starting to flush. 

“I remember,” Sasuke said with a small nod. “I get the feeling you’re going to try to one-up me if I say it now.”

Naruto shrugged with feigned uncertainty. “Oh, who knows? Definitely not you.” It was so easy to let himself slide onto Naruto’s lap. Despite the fact that it was the dead of winter, Naruto was wearing shorts. Minato had tsk’d at him and told him to dress warmer, but Naruto had argued that he was inside, and it was fine. The heat was on (but that wasn’t why Sasuke was sweating).

“I have some idea,” Sasuke said slowly. Naruto looked up at him, really looked at him. Sasuke reveled in the feeling of Naruto’s gaze on him from this angle. It would always be his favorite thing.

“I want to take you somewhere tomorrow,” Naruto said. He ran his hands up and down Sasuke’s arms a few times, which made the hair on them rise. It was almost embarrassing, the way that his body reacted to Naruto every time.

“Take me where?” Sasuke raised an eyebrow with his question. He hadn’t let his hips touch Naruto’s lap until now, and he didn’t miss the way that Naruto drew in a sharp breath.

“Somewhere, it’s a surprise. But you’re going to like it,” Naruto promised. Sasuke leaned back, supported by Naruto’s arms slung around him, and he crossed his own arms. 

“I don’t wanna go if you don’t tell me where we’re going. I hate surprises, you know that,” Sasuke said. Naruto worried his bottom lip for a moment. Then something changed in his eyes, and he drew Sasuke close to him so fast that Sasuke emitted a yelp.

“You don’t get to choose, you lost,” Naruto said. 

“Because you cheated,” Sasuke said. 

“Shortcuts  _ in  _ the game aren’t cheating, you sore fucking loser,” Naruto laughed. 

Sasuke shrugged. “If you had just gone the  _ real  _ way, you wouldn’t have had any sort of advantage.”

“It wasn’t about being fair. It was about winning.”

“Fuck off,” Sasuke said, rolling off of Naruto’s lap and back onto the sofa. “All of that just so that you don’t have to do your standard deviations. Which you’re still going to have to do,” Sasuke pointed out. He realized he was still wearing his glasses.

“And see? You have 20/20 vision, and I was wearing my glasses. Even more proof that you didn’t win fairly,” Sasuke said. He went to take his glasses off, but Naruto’s fingers curled around his hand and stopped him.

“I like them,” Naruto said quietly, before his same defiance came back. “Glasses are supposed to help you. How  _ possibly  _ is it cheating to have 20/20 vision?”

“Unfair advantage.”

“Not my fault you can’t read,” Naruto said with a shrug. If they had been younger, they would have been wrestling by now, or punching each other. Sasuke thought that maybe they were too old for that, but he shoved Naruto anyways. He didn’t expect Naruto to shove him back, but he did, so hard that Sasuke flew until his back hit the arm of the sofa. 

“I said fuck off,” Sasuke said, but before he could land his very strategically placed slap, Naruto’s hand caught his wrist. “You are so annoying,” Sasuke whined. He wrenched himself free and retreated back to his corner of the couch.

“You say that like you’re  _ not  _ annoying,” Naruto said. “Stop hitting me, I’m stronger than you.”

Sasuke snorted. “Just because you kick balls doesn’t mean you’re stronger than me,” he said, crossing his arms again. 

“I don’t just kick balls, you loser. I  _ exercise _ . I know you don’t know what that word means, but I take care of myself.” Naruto gave a smug grin and jabbed a thumb at his own chest. 

“Shut up before I tell your Dad you were cussing,” Sasuke said. He stood then as though to leave. Naruto’s joking face turned serious in that same instance.

“Wait, you’re leaving?” He looked so  _ sad _ , it almost made Sasuke sit back down.

“Uh, yeah. My mom said she has to tell me something at home.” Sasuke hadn’t quite told Naruto about the situation with his parents yet. He hadn’t found the right place to mention it. They were so happy right now; Naruto with his soccer, and Sasuke just being happy for Naruto. So Sasuke didn’t really see fit to mention something so stupid as the fact that his father was cheating on his mother  _ again _ . It wasn’t as important as being happy. 

“I’m going to miss you,” Naruto said sadly. He stood, too, and he hugged Sasuke tight. So tight that Sasuke had to fight to get away because it was starting to affect the way he was breathing. 

“Hey, hey, not so hard. I could  _ die _ , ya know. And you’re not going to miss me. I’m going to home for,” Sasuke checked the time on his phone, “like, 12 hours. You’re gonna see me again, and we’re gonna do whatever your stupid mystery activity is.”

“And you’re going to tell me why you made that face when you mentioned your mom,” Naruto added. Sasuke sighed.

“Maybe. I love you.”

“I love you. See that? You still owe me.”

“I’m leaving,” Sasuke said with annoyance, but he smiled the whole way home.

When Sasuke returned home, Mikoto was waiting for him in the garden. She was so sad, and so beautiful. Her hair was in a long braid that she had slung over her shoulder. Upon looking at her face, Sasuke knew this was serious.

“Ma? You look like you’ve been crying,” Sasuke said, drifting to her. She was kneeling among the flowers Itachi had been growing for her. The ones Sasuke was set to take care of now.

Mikoto turned her head and gave Sasuke a soft smile. By then, the sun was down, but Sasuke could still make out every curve, every etching of his mother’s face. He’d looked upon her so many hundreds of times before.

“I have to tell you something,” Mikoto said. Sasuke nodded. “Will you come inside with me? I have to wash my hands.” Sasuke went into his parents’ room to wait for her.

“This is not easy to say,” Mikoto said. She had come into the room, wrapped herself and Sasuke up in the big, hot comforter, and held Sasuke’s hands. He didn’t like how serious this all was getting. 

“You don’t have to say it,” Sasuke offered. Mikoto could only shake her head, making her braid fall from her shoulder to behind her back.

“I have to say it,” Mikoto said. She rubbed circles into Sasuke’s hands with her thumbs. “Your father is away,” she said. Sasuke nodded.

“Yes, you told me. And you said you don’t know when he’ll be back.” Sasuke remembered that conversation very well.

Mikoto drew her bottom lip between her teeth. She looked like she was going to cry again, but then she sucked in a hard breath and shook her head. “I know when he’s coming back,” she said eventually, and her voice was so low that Sasuke could  _ feel  _ how close she was to losing it.

“When?” Somehow, he knew the answer already.

“He’s not.”

It was everything Sasuke could do to not leave the house in a rage, find his father, and… and then what? Sasuke couldn’t do anything to him. He shuddered at the thought of even seeing his father right now. He didn’t need him, anymore. They didn’t need him anymore. They only needed each other. So Sasuke hugged Mikoto to  _ his  _ chest, rather than the other way around for once. He stroked her hair and let her cry. He knew that despite all Fugaku had done, Mikoto wouldn’t have ever left him. This was his  _ father’s  _ doing, his  _ father’s  _ choice. Sasuke grit his teeth.

“So you’re breaking up?” Sasuke asked after a moment of relative silence. 

“Yes,” was all Mikoto could muster before she was crying again. She eventually stopped and sent him to bed, telling him that he would need his rest for school, and thanking him for listening to her. 

“Mom,” Sasuke said, when she looked poised to say one last thing.  _ You’re all I have.  _ “I know.”

***

Naruto made Sasuke wait until school got out the  _ next  _ day to tell him where they were going. 

“What’s it got to do with, at least?” Sasuke asked, after he had thrown his things into Naruto’s backseat.

“Animals,” was all Sasuke could get from Naruto. He was surprised Naruto didn’t have him close his eyes the whole way there. Eventually it became apparent that Naruto was taking Sasuke out of the city limits.

“Wait, wait, I didn’t ask my parents,” Sasuke said, a force of habit. He hadn’t asked his  _ mother _ . She wouldn’t mind, he didn’t think, but he didn’t want her to be alone and not know where he was.

“It won’t take that long. They won’t even notice that you’ve been gone,” Naruto said, but he started speeding as though Sasuke wouldn’t notice.

Eventually, thirty minutes from town, they came upon what Sasuke could only describe as a farm. Except, the only animals as far as he could see were… dogs. Big dogs, small dogs, brown dogs, white dogs, old dogs, puppies. Sasuke’s heart was already a puddle before the car was off.

“What is this?  _ Where  _ is this?” Sasuke couldn’t bear to tear his eyes from the window, lest he missed some of the dog antics.

Naruto thought that was pretty funny. “They’re up for adoption,” Naruto explained. “Most of them are strays; it’s a lot better of a place to end up than some alternatives. They just… run around, and play. And fight and eat and sleep. Mr Hatake runs this place. Well he used to, before he became a teacher. Now he has people do it for him.”

Sasuke made a surprised sound. He thought about Kakashi, and how stoic and expressionless he usually was. To think that he was in charge of a place like this made Sasuke nearly want to forgive him for giving him a B in astronomy in tenth grade. Nearly. He was still angry about it. 

“We’re going in?” 

Naruto unlocked the car door. “Yes, we’re going in.”

Sasuke was overwhelmed with the sight of dogs wiggling around behind fences from the moment he opened the door and got out of the car. There were just so many of them. And they were  _ all  _ wiggly, and they all wanted to play with him.

Naruto seemed well enough acquainted with the staff. “We’re just looking today,” Naruto told them. They informed him that Kakashi wasn’t here yet, but since it was Friday, he’d be around soon enough.

Sasuke let Naruto lead the way down a hall with a lot of closed doors. Eventually, they got to a door that led to the outside part. “They’re going to bark,” Naruto warned. Sasuke rolled his eyes and waited impatiently for Naruto to get the door open.

Oh, even more dogs than Sasuke had seen from the front. It seemed that the fence stretched on for miles, so far that Sasuke could barely see where it ended. Maybe that was just his failing vision. The air was cold but Sasuke was warm with all of the  _ cute _ . There were just so many different kinds of them, and they all came to him and Naruto as though by magnetic attraction. Most of them didn’t jump, which surprised Sasuke. He and Naruto made their way just about the middle of the field, and they sat in the grass with their backs to the building.

“Why did you bring me here?” Sasuke asked. He was holding two puppies on his lap that seemed to be brothers. They looked identical; the only difference between them was that one of them had a dark nose and the other had a pink one. Naruto had been accosted by a rather large black dog that was drooling on him.

“Um? I wanted to make you happy. I know that you like animals, I don’t know,” Naruto said with a shrug. He scratched an old yellow dog behind the ears. “I thought maybe you’d… I don’t know. That you would start thinking about what you wanna do. With yourself, I mean.”

“While you’re gone.” Not a question. One of the puppies squirmed off of Sasuke's lap, and his brother followed. Sasuke looked at his fingers twisting around restlessly in his lap. “I am happy, so thank you,” Sasuke said eventually. He looked at Naruto, and he had to squint because the sunlight was directly behind Naruto’s head.

“It won’t be that long,” Naruto offered. “And it isn’t that far away, if you think about it.” 

Sasuke shook his head and drew another white dog onto his lap. “I don’t want to think about it right now. I just wanna be here. With them.” Sasuke kissed the dog’s forehead and then looked at Naruto again. “With you.”

The smile on Naruto’s face was just for Sasuke. He’d never seen Naruto look like this before at another person. Not his mother, not his father, not Sakura, not Hinata. Maybe that’s why Sasuke had to look away. He couldn’t keep himself from frowning at the sweet little dog that was trying to lick his face. It wasn’t the dog, though. Sasuke gave a hopeless sigh.

“What happened yesterday? With your mom?” Naruto’s voice jarred Sasuke to attention.

“Oh, yeah. Um. My parents are breaking up,” Sasuke said, and his voice turned up at the end like it was a question. He wanted the answer to the question. The wind was blowing the long grass and wildflowers around them. They had a smell that Sasuke found pleasant. But it also smelled like dogs out here. Sasuke liked that too.

“I’m sorry,” Naruto said quietly. Sasuke shook his head again. 

“It’s not your fault,” Sasuke said automatically.

“I know. I’m sorry that it upset you,” Naruto clarified. 

“It’s just… it won’t be very different, I think. He hasn’t been home for a few weeks, anyway. And he only ever paid attention to me to tell me that I wasn’t going to be like Itachi unless I got up and did something with myself. Is it bad that I’m not going to miss him?” Sasuke asked. He didn’t turn his head this time to look at Naruto, and instead kept his eyes on some dogs that were rolling around in the dirt in front of them. How easy it must be to be a dog. Nothing to care about but scratching behind your own ears and making sure that you can eat something. Sasuke wished desperately for such a simple existence.

A long silence stretched between them that was only broken by the sounds of yips and whines until Sasuke heard Naruto clear his throat. “No, you’re not wrong. I know that it’s going to be hard, but you’re so strong. And your dad kind of sucks, no offense.”

Sasuke laughed. “None taken.” The dogs came and went between them, but the big black dog never left Naruto’s side. Sasuke was covered in dog hair by the time he heard a voice behind them.

“Naruto, I see you finally brought him.” It was Kakashi. Sasuke jumped with surprise. 

“You talk about me to your  _ teachers _ ?” Sasuke asked, incredulous. 

Naruto shrugged. “He isn’t my teacher anymore.” He turned his head to Kakashi and squinted. “Thanks for letting us come today,” he said. Naruto stood and waited for Sasuke to do the same.

Kakashi waved a dismissive hand. “It’s open to the public, anyone’s allowed to come. I hope you have enjoyed yourselves?” He looked to Sasuke as he asked the question.

“Yes, yeah. I had forgotten how much I love dogs,” Sasuke said. “I would come here every day if I could,” he admitted. 

“That can be arranged,” Naruto said. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

“Take me home,” Sasuke said.

Sasuke was talking the whole time Naruto was taking him back to the school so that he could get his car. Naruto seemed content just to listen. Right now wasn’t about anything except being with Naruto, and making the most of this time. 

Well, that’s what Sasuke had been thinking. But instead, when there was a lull in Sasuke’s stream of talking, Naruto spoke up. “It’s gonna be Christmas soon,” Naruto said.

“Christmas. That isn’t for another two weeks,” Sasuke said. He could see that Naruto’s knuckles were getting a little white on the steering wheel.

“Yeah, I guess. I always think about it a little early,” Naruto said with a shrug. “Because of Hinata.”

“Why?” Sasuke would try to listen this time, instead of getting angry and indignant. Naruto listened to him, so Sasuke would have to listen to Naruto. He had to learn to be supportive of Naruto, even about things he didn’t like or understand.

“Ah, because her birthday is after that. I would start thinking about what to get her around this time, for years. Sort of a habit now.” Naruto kept his eyes on the road, so he didn’t see the look Sasuke was fixing him with. “I don’t mean to talk about her when it isn’t about her,” Naruto apologized. 

“Don’t be sorry. You can talk about anything you want, if you need to. I want you to trust me with your feelings,” Sasuke said. He turned his head to look out the window.

“I do trust you. I just know that you don’t like to hear it,” Naruto said. 

“That doesn’t matter,” Sasuke said, his eyes glossing over as the trees began to make him a little dizzy. “Sometimes we have to talk about things I don’t like.” Sasuke felt Naruto’s hand on his, and it made him turn his head. Naruto kissed the back of Sasuke’s hand.

“Who would have thought that  _ you _ , Sasuke Uchiha, would be trying to be  _ amiable  _ and  _ understanding  _ of someone else’s feelings?” Naruto’s face was split in a big grin.

“Don’t make me sound like such an asshole,” Sasuke said sarcastically. “I love you,” Sasuke mumbled to the window glass. He didn’t hear Naruto say it back, but he did feel Naruto squeeze his hand. It seemed that he didn’t owe Naruto anymore. 

“That was our fourth date,” Naruto pointed out. Sasuke made a face out the window. 

“Do I still owe you?” Sasuke asked. 

Naruto shook his head. “No, not at this moment. We are even. I think that’s 15,” he said, to which Sasuke nodded. “So you’re ok to go home?”

Sasuke glanced at Naruto from the corner of his eye. “I think I’ll be alright. I have to call my brother. Plus, I didn’t ask my mom for permission to go anywhere today,” Sasuke added.

Naruto took Sasuke to his car at the school. They spent four minutes kissing against the doors of it, until Sasuke complained of the cold and that he needed to call Itachi. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Naruto said, only a tad breathless. “You can call me, too,” he said, and then he hopped up into his car and left Sasuke to his thoughts. 

His mind turned away from Mikoto and what was happening at home, and went back to the shelter they’d been to. It was just so perfect. Sasuke wondered how someone like Kakashi could be in charge of something so amazing. It filled Sasuke with awe to think about it. He really did want to go back every day. He couldn’t believe that he hadn’t known about it for all of these years. But he was thankful to Naruto for trying to make him happy when he could sense Sasuke was getting upset about something. Naruto was perfect, too.

Sasuke saw his parents’ car in the driveway, but he was surprised when he opened the door and  _ smelled  _ Fugaku was in the house. He couldn’t hear anything but the TV on in the living room, but there was no one watching it. Sasuke was on guard as he walked to his room, passing by Itachi’s like he always did. He tried to not let it make him too upset.

Sasuke was sitting at his desk with Itachi’s journal when he called him. He still hadn’t read it yet. He knew that the moment wasn’t right, yet. And Itachi didn’t ever ask; probably, whatever it was, Sasuke would  _ have  _ to bring it up, so Itachi would know whether or not he’d read it.

“Hello?” Itachi sounded a little groggy.

“Hi. It’s your brother,” Sasuke said. He had homework to do, so he opened up his backpack and pulled out his anatomy book. He placed the journal in a drawer of his desk.

“I know it’s you, silly. How are you? Are you feeling ok, breathing ok?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Yes, I can breathe.” There was a quiet between them that was filled with the scratching of Sasuke’s pencil on his notes.

“Mother told you.” Itachi’s voice was solemn, but also a little sleepy. Sasuke forgot that they weren’t in the same time zone anymore.

“Yeah, she did,” Sasuke nodded even though Itachi couldn’t see him. “Did I wake you up?”

Itachi chuckled. “You did, but it’s alright. I love when you call me. Even at times like this.” Just as fast as it had come, the mirth was gone from Itachi’s voice. Sasuke heard him sigh. “It’s for the best, we all know that,” Itachi said. 

“Yeah,” Sasuke said quietly. He remembered just then that Fugaku was in the house, somewhere, but he still hadn’t made his presence known. “He’s here, but I don’t know where,” Sasuke said, and his voice dropped to a whisper just in case he was heard.

“He’s in the house? Where’s Mother?”

“I don’t know where she is, either,” Sasuke said. “Maybe she isn’t here but he is,” he reasoned. Their parents shared a car so that Sasuke and Itachi wouldn’t have to, so it was likely that one of them just wasn’t here for some reason or another.

“How do you know he’s there, if you don’t know where he is?”

“I could smell it when I walked in,” Sasuke said immediately. 

“Of course.” 

Just then, Sasuke heard a loud groan come from outside of his room. “Wait, I think I heard him. I’m gonna call you back,” Sasuke whispered, and then he hung up. He stood and shuffled over to his door, which he realized was open and had been this whole time. Sasuke ventured into the hall with shaky footsteps. There was another loud, pained sound coming from his parents’ room. His  _ mother’s  _ room. 

But there on the bed was Fugaku, and he was surrounded by bottle tops. All the bottles were strewn across the floor. One was broken, and Sasuke had to step over it to come into the room. “Dad?”

Fugaku opened his eyes suddenly, as though he’d been struck. “S’suke?”

“Yeah,” Sasuke sighed, “it’s me.” He didn’t want to get any closer, just in case Fugaku flew into a rage or something.

“Uh… where’s Mom?”

Fugaku made a sort of choked sound and rolled over to face away from Sasuke. Sasuke could almost feel bad for the person he saw in front of him. He knew that even though it had been his father’s choice, he was probably still hurting. But something in Sasuke, something evil and sinister, thought that Fugaku deserved to hurt, after all the hurt he had put on each and every one of them for so many years.

“She’s with the Uzumaki woman,” Fugaku slurred. He sat up and took a large gulp of his drink. It spilled onto his dirty blue collared shirt. “She can’t live without me, none of you can,” Fugaku said. 

Sasuke crossed his arms and shook his head. “You’re wrong,” he said bitterly. Fugaku turned to look at Sasuke, but Sasuke could tell he was looking through him. “We’ll be just fine without you, me and her. We’re going to be happy.”

Fugaku seemed about to argue, but then his body slumped and he closed his eyes again. 

“She told me what you did, what you did to her,” Sasuke said. He took a step closer to the bed before he could think about what he was doing. “You hurt her, you nearly  _ killed _ her. My mother. And she stayed with you because it was the only thing she knew how to do, because she loved you.  _ Loves _ you, will always love you.” Sasuke looked upon his barely conscious father with disgust. “But I don’t. And we don’t need you, or anyone else that would hurt us so badly.”

Sasuke turned his back then, and he was lucky to be out the door, because some glass came flying by his head and nearly hit him. It instead hit the doorway and broke into pieces.

“You’re going to need me, you’re all going to need me!”

That was the last thing Sasuke heard before he slammed the door to the house shut and got in his car. Sasuke had went into his room and grabbed Itachi’s journal, and some clothes. He called Mikoto before he started his car, and she answered laughing.

“Good evening, Sasuke, where are you? When you didn’t come home, I—” Mikoto laughed again, cutting off her sentence.

“I was with Naruto. Aren’t you with his mom?”

“Yes, I called Kushina when… you know that your father tried to come back home?” Her voice was serious now.

“Yeah, I’m at home now. But I can’t stay here. Is Naruto there?”

“Of course he is, he’s been bothering us for an hour.” That was Kushina; Sasuke must have been on speaker phone.

Sasuke looked over at Itachi’s journal in his passenger’s seat. “Can I come over, too?”

“Of course, son. I thought you were already on the way,” Kushina said.  _ Son _ . Sasuke felt his heart beating irregularly as he started his car.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the support i am getting ahhhh sigh thank you so much. i was sort of a little conflicted writing this one, for reasons you may be able to tell... i hope you enjoy!

Sasuke felt a strange fluttering in his heart as he was greeted at the front door of Naruto’s house by his own mother. “Come in, where is your jacket? It’s too cold out there to not be wearing a jacket,” Mikoto said, and she snatched Sasuke into the house.

It was sort of loud in there. Naruto was yelling about something, and Kushina was yelling back. Minato was banging around in the kitchen, filling pots with water and lighting the stove. Mikoto went back to the TV to resume watching whatever true-crime show she was into at the moment. Sasuke gave a small sigh. This was his family, would  _ be  _ his family in a matter of time. It made him feel… content. At home. If he could live like this for the rest of his life, Sasuke wouldn’t want to change anything. Well. He’d bring Itachi here. He’d probably have scurried outside by now, to start digging in the dirt. 

It was incredibly pleasing to see Mikoto smiling and laughing. The last time she had laughed like this must have been before Sasuke’s memory. She looked so happy with Kushina. Sasuke knew now why Mikoto had said before that Kushina was her best friend. 

After they ate, Mikoto and Kushina went back into the living room to start watching a movie. Minato went up to bed, saying something about having a lot of cooking to do the next day. Sasuke realized that, before his eyes, he was witnessing a  _ sleepover  _ between his mother and Kushina. It was cute. It made Sasuke see Mikoto as a whole person for the very first time. 

“It’s so good that I ended up here.”

They were in Naruto’s room. Sasuke had changed into his night clothes and was now in the bed with Naruto’s covers drawn up to his chin. Naruto was sitting in his desk chair, examining each of his toads carefully in his hands one at a time. 

“Gamatatsu is getting fat,” Naruto remarked, holding the toad in question aloft. 

Sasuke sat up slightly and squinted in Naruto’s direction. “Are they supposed to be thin? He looks the same he’s always looked,” Sasuke said.

“Don’t think I can’t tell that you can barely see over here,” Naruto quipped. “He isn’t supposed to be so much bigger than Gamakichi. I think he’s eating his food,” Naruto said. He placed Gamatatsu back into the terrarium and watched intently as the toad dug himself into a small crevice in the dirt.

“Why’s it good that you ended up here?” Naruto asked, spinning around in his chair to face Sasuke again. 

“I don’t know,” Sasuke said with a shrug. He dug himself deeper into the covers and closed his eyes again. “It feels like I belong here.”

Sasuke heard Naruto coming closer, but he still startled when he felt Naruto’s warm body on his. Sasuke didn’t have to look to know where the crook of Naruto’s neck was, and he shoved his face into it. Naruto wrapped his arms around Sasuke’s waist and made their hips press together. 

“Your mom called me son,” Sasuke mumbled. He shivered as Naruto shifted his hold on his waist. 

“Interesting. Wonder how to tell her we’re not really  _ brothers _ ,” Naruto murmured back. Sasuke could feel his breath evening out as they laid in relative silence. Hearing and feeling Naruto so peaceful made Sasuke feel safe. Naruto’s breathing made Sasuke’s hair fall into his face, but it was fine. It was good. They were together.

“Oh, the nerve of some people!” That was Kushina in the hallway. Sasuke didn’t know how long the movie they’d chosen was, but he knew it couldn’t be over yet. She was probably up here to check on Minato.

“Yes, I know. I was shocked to see him, for sure,” Mikoto replied. It made Sasuke’s body tense to hear them so close outside the door.

“I just need to ask him if he has anything to do tomorrow, hold on,” Kushina said, and then the door  _ opened,  _ and there stood both of their mothers. Sasuke’s eyes squinted in the light that came flooding into the room. Naruto was already asleep and there was nothing that could wake him up now.

“Naruto? Oh, he’s asleep. Did I wake you, Sasuke?” Kushina asked. They were both wearing the softest possible expressions on their faces that Sasuke had ever seen. They were endeared. It wasn’t as though Sasuke had expected either of them to be mad, but this extent of fond that they were expressing was surprising to him. 

“Um, no,” Sasuke said quietly. His mouth brushed the skin of Naruto’s neck, which made Naruto mumble and shift in his sleep.

Kushina laughed. “I’m just making sure. Does Naruto have any plans for tomorrow that might include leaving the house? That you’re aware of?” 

Sasuke shook his head. He supposed his hair tickled Naruto’s throat, because he pulled Sasuke perilously close to him. Sasuke had to bite his lip to stifle the sound he wanted to make. “I don’t think so,” Sasuke said, his voice muffled by Naruto’s body.

“Alright then. I guess I can ask him when he wakes up,” Kushina said. “Don’t fall off the bed, kids.”

Then they were gone, the door closing lightly behind them. Sasuke tried his hardest to pull away from Naruto and wake him up somehow, but all of Sasuke’s squirming only made Naruto wrap around him tighter. “Stop moving around,” Naruto muttered. His voice was hot against Sasuke’s ear, and it made Sasuke shudder.

“Your mom saw us,” Sasuke said. 

Naruto opened his eyes just a sliver. “So? We aren’t doing anything,” he said, and he let his eyes slip shut again. 

Yes, Sasuke reasoned, they weren’t. But they  _ could  _ have been. “Only because you’re asleep.”

Naruto kept his eyes closed this time as he spoke. “Mm? And what would have happened if I wasn’t asleep?”

Sasuke tried to shrug, but he was hindered by Naruto’s hold on him. “Dunno. We’ll never know now, since you’re asleep.”

“Yeah, right,” Naruto said. Sasuke felt his breathing start to pick up again. He was waking up.

“Stay asleep, Naruto,” Sasuke challenged. He dug his nails into Naruto’s arms when he was moved until Naruto was laying on top of him. “Fuck off, you’re heavy,” Sasuke said, but he found himself running a hand underneath Naruto’s sleeve and then gripping it to pull him closer.

“Make me,” Naruto said. He was  _ awake _ now, for sure.

“Your father is asleep,” Sasuke pointed out. The end of his sentence was cut off in a sigh when Naruto’s lips brushed against his throat. 

“Yeah,” Naruto whispered, “and he can stay asleep as long as you don’t yell.”

Sasuke huffed. “I don’t  _ yell _ —” This time, his words were choked at the end because he was trying so hard not to groan out loud. Naruto’s tongue swiped over the place his teeth had just scraped over Sasuke’s skin. 

“Why does it always come to this, then? You trying so hard to be quiet?” Naruto had his hand over Sasuke’s mouth, and Sasuke didn’t bother to try to protest, not at first. But when Naruto was working Sasuke open with his fingers, he began to feel a slight panic rising in him that grew more hot whenever Naruto pressed a finger into his spot. 

Sasuke fought Naruto get him to move his hand, and he was breathless when he spoke. “Wait, wait,” Sasuke said. Naruto’s fingers inside of him  _ didn’t  _ stop, but he seemed to be listening. 

“We can, ah, we can do this, but you can’t—” Sasuke brought his hand up to his mouth and bit his fist to stifle himself when Naruto dragged two fingers across his spot so slowly that Sasuke thought he might explode. 

“I can’t?”

“I wanna wait,” Sasuke managed. His voice was ragged because he could barely breathe, he could barely think. The only thing in his mind was Naruto and Naruto’s fingers and how badly he wanted it to be something else, but how unsure he was that he was ready for that. 

“We can wait,” Naruto promised. He leaned down to kiss Sasuke, which again changed the angle of his fingers. Sasuke took the opportunity to moan hard into Naruto’s mouth. “I would wait forever for you,” Naruto said, his lips catching against Sasuke’s until he stopped talking and slid his tongue into Sasuke’s mouth.

All Sasuke could do then was feel it, feel how Naruto curled his fingers, and feel how Naruto made his heart swell.  _ I would wait forever for you _ . Sasuke was shaking by the time he reached his climax, and he felt tears pricking the sides of his eyes. This time, he didn’t care enough to be embarrassed. Naruto just kept kissing him, and rolling his hips against Sasuke’s thigh until Sasuke stopped shaking and started trying to get away.

Naruto rolled off of Sasuke’s body, and Sasuke assumes his favorite position. Naruto’s hands gripped Sasuke’s hips so hard that he winced (because there were already thumbprints pressed into his skin from times before). 

“Do you want me to do anything?” Sasuke asked. He spread his hands over Naruto’s chest for balance.

Naruto shook his head and held Sasuke tighter. “No,” he said. “Just be right there. Well. Right here.” Naruto shifted Sasuke on his lap so that Sasuke’s body was directly over his dick. He was so hard, Sasuke felt bad.

“Are you sure?”

Naruto closed his eyes and nodded. “Don’t do anything. Just talk to me. It’ll go away, one way or another.” Naruto’s voice was focused.

“What do you want me to say?”

“Tell me about your visions,” Naruto said.

“Oh, hm. I haven’t had another one,” Sasuke said. Naruto shrugged.

“Tell me how they feel,” he said.

“They’re real? Like, it’s really happening to me at that moment. It isn’t like I’m watching myself do it, or like someone’s telling me the story. It’s happening to me. And it’s always… about you,” Sasuke said. He felt silly, sitting on Naruto like this and talking about something so emotional. But Naruto wanted this, needed this from him right now, so he kept going. 

“I think it might run in my family, or something. My mom has them, too,” Sasuke said. It was the first time he’d said it out loud, that he thought he might have inherited it. 

“Oh yeah?” Naruto’s fingers moved from Sasuke’s hips to his thighs. He kept his eyes closed.

“Yes.” Sasuke nodded, though Naruto couldn’t see him. “She told me that my dad used to… go crazy, sometimes. And she saw the day I was born, years before it happened. It was the only reason she stayed with him. I mean, she loves him. But he was cheating on her. He’s cheating on her now,” Sasuke said. He felt anger rise in him for a second, before Naruto opened his eyes and it all went away. 

“Does Itachi have them?”

Sasuke shrugged. “I don’t know. I asked him before, after the first time, but he said he’d only ever heard of it in fiction. Obviously, it isn’t fiction. I think he was lying to me,” Sasuke said carefully. He hadn’t ever allowed himself to think through that conversation, all these months later. But now that he  _ was  _ thinking about it, he felt that Itachi hadn’t exactly told him everything he knew. Sasuke’s mind drifted to the journal in his car again, but then Naruto’s voice drew him out of his mind.

“Maybe he was just trying to protect your feelings, or something. Because that means that somehow, some time, he’s been close to dead, too, and he didn’t want to tell you that,” Naruto pointed out. He took his hands off of Sasuke and crossed his arms. “That’s kind of bad. I’m sorry that happens. I’ve never been anywhere near dead as many times as you lot have,” he said. 

Sasuke could only laugh a little. He took Naruto releasing him to mean that he could lay down again, so he did. Naruto drew Sasuke close to his chest and let out a sigh against Sasuke’s hair. 

“I’m sorry everything hurts so bad,” Naruto mumbled. He was sleepy again, Sasuke could feel it.

Sasuke shook his head. “Everything doesn’t hurt so bad anymore,” he said. “I have  _ you  _ and we can do  _ this _ . And be together.” Naruto was so warm. Sasuke didn’t even realize he’d fallen asleep until he woke up.

Kushina was calling Naruto’s name loud from downstairs. The sunlight cut across Sasuke’s eyes, and he brought his arm up to cover them while Naruto made himself roll out of bed. “Why the fuck is she yelling so early,” Naruto grumbled, pulling on some pants but foregoing a shirt. Sasuke moved to the middle of the bed when Naruto left. It smelled like him here, and it was still warm where he had been.

It felt like two seconds had passed before Naruto came back to the room. “They wanna know if— oh,  _ Sasuke, _ ” Naruto cut himself off and came to the edge of the bed. “You have a, um.” Naruto leaned down and pressed his thumb into the skin of Sasuke’s throat, causing Sasuke to wince. 

“A what?” Sasuke asked sleepily. Naruto pressed harder. Sasuke sat up and took Naruto’s finger off him. 

“It’s red,” Naruto said. He sat next to Sasuke and crawled close to examine his skin.

“That isn’t my fault,” Sasuke said. He let Naruto poke and press at his skin until he couldn’t take it. “Get off.”

“Damn. Ok, anyway, they want to know if you want t go Christmas shopping with them.” Naruto moved away from Sasuke to stand again and go over to his drawers to look for a shirt.

“Who is ‘they’?” Sasuke admired Naruto’s back as he dug in his drawers. 

“Your mom, my mom. They want to spend money together,” Naruto said with a shrug and a glance behind him. “D’you wanna go? I’m gonna go.”

Sasuke did  _ not  _ want to go, but he did not much like the idea of being alone in the house with Minato and a bright red hickey on his neck. “Yeah, I’ll come. Can I wear one of your shirts?”

Sasuke felt childish sitting in the backseat of Kushina’s big red Escalade. It was an expensive car, once, but there were traces of Naruto’s childhood strewn all throughout the back seat. Crayons, cups, crumbs, shoes, shirts with holes in them. To think that Naruto was 18 years old and this car still looked like this on the inside made Sasuke want to laugh. Kushina didn’t care either way, but Minato had insisted that they leave all the stuff the way it was. “So that when he drives it,” Minato had said, “he’ll always remember when  _ we  _ drove it.” Or something like that.

The whole drive, Sasuke leaned his head against the window. He usually did that, anyway, but he was also hiding the mark on his neck. Sasuke didn’t particularly enjoy shopping with his mother, because she always bought things they didn’t need just because they were cheap. He somehow didn’t think that Kushina would be an influence against this.

“Ok, kids,” Kushina said, once they had reached the mall. “Call us if you need anything.” Mikoto pressed a kiss to Sasuke’s forehead. He closed his eyes so that he didn’t roll them. 

“Do you know what your mom likes?” Sasuke asked. 

Naruto shrugged. “Lotion?”

“You’re hopeless,” Sasuke said.

Luckily enough for Sasuke, Mikoto actually did like lotion, so he bought her some of that, as well as a basket with all kinds of bath things. She liked bombs and salts and he thought it would be a perfect thing to get her to think about herself for once, instead of him, or Itachi, or their father. Just her. 

Naruto was walking aimlessly until they got to the home store. He bought Kushina a  _ mug.  _ “What? It’s for her to remember me by when I leave.” 

“Ah, ah. We’re not gonna talk about that. Get her something  _ else _ , too, Naruto.” 

Naruto got Kushina a candle to go along with her mug. “I’m gonna get her something else, I promise,” he said in defense of himself when he saw the look on Sasuke’s face. 

Sakura called Sasuke when he and Naruto were taking a break from shopping in the food court. Sasuke put his headphones in and he gave one to Naruto after he leaned his phone on the napkin basket in the middle of the table. “Are you guys on a date?” Sakura asked. 

“Shut up,” Sasuke said. “We’re here with our mothers.”

“Ah, a double date.” Sakura was still in bed, it seemed, as she was wearing pajamas and had a headboard behind her. Sasuke didn’t recognize it as Sakura’s room.

Naruto had the nerve to laugh. “We’re not on a date, Sakura,” he said, shaking his head slightly.

“Sure you’re not.” Sakura raised her eyebrow as she said it. 

“They are on a date.” That was Ino’s voice, off camera.

“Are you sure  _ you’re  _ not on a date?” Sasuke teased. It was delightful to watch Sakura’s face grow nearly as pink as her hair.

“No, asshole. Anyway, I called because I need to tell you something,” Sakura said. 

“Me or him?” Sasuke asked.

“I called  _ you,  _ idiot. I was gonna tell you.” Sakura was sipping something from a cup that seemed to be hot. “You know that dumb ass who started the fight with Naruto?”

Naruto snorted. “Yeah, what about ‘im?” He stole one of Sasuke’s fries, which Sasuke pretended not to notice as he took a sip of his milkshake.

“He’s Temari’s  _ brother _ .” 

Sasuke nearly choked. He had to take a long breath after coughing so hard that it knocked the headphone out of his ear. 

Naruto looked between Sasuke and his phone with general confusion on his face. “Who is Temari? Why do I care about that?”

“You don’t, but. Temari is Shikamaru’s girlfriend.”

Sasuke didn’t even want to look at Naruto’s face. But he did, and he saw the moment it dawned on Naruto’s face. He turned to Sasuke then, completely forgetting about Sakura. “That guy you fucked? His girlfriend’s  _ brother  _ is the reason I almost didn’t get any looks?”

Sasuke opened and closed his mouth a few times, but he couldn’t find any words to say that would be acceptable. That would make sense. That wouldn’t be stupid. What happened between Sasuke and Shikamaru was  _ old _ now, two whole years had passed since then. What was different now? Why did she care now? Unless… she had never known. And somehow, someway, she had found out. But going through Naruto to hurt Sasuke was stupid, so stupid that he didn’t think anyone could be that stupid. But he didn’t really know her, honestly.

“That’s crazy!” Ino shouted. She moved Sakura’s face out of the camera. “Your forehead is so big, get out of the way. Listen, Sasuke, I had no idea that happened but that’s so  _ scandalous _ .”

Sasuke glared at her. “I don’t think it means what you’re trying to make it mean, Sakura,” Sasuke said.

“I’m not trying to make it mean anything,” Sakura said. She was shuffling around, so Sasuke could only see a comforter coming in and out of view. “Ino, stop it, please!” Sakura squealed.

“I don’t want to interrupt your date, guys,” Sasuke said. He could only halfway joke around, because now not only did Ino know one of his biggest secrets (and she wasn’t likely to keep quiet about it), but he knew that Naruto would want to  _ talk  _ about it and Sasuke would rather die. 

“I understand if you want to get back to your date,” Sakura quipped. Something hit the floor with a loud thud and Ino howled. “Gotta go, bye!” She yelled, and then the call ended.

“Can we just talk about this later? Or never again? Either is fine with me,” Sasuke pleaded. 

Naruto just shook his head. “You know it doesn’t work like that.” 

“I mean, how was I supposed to know he would do something so stupid like that? I don’t even know that fucking guy,” Sasuke said. He threw his hands in the air to demonstrate how frustrated he was. “We don’t even know if that has anything to do with me,” he added.

Naruto leveled him with a very serious look that was out of place on his features. “What are the odds, right?”

“I can’t tell if you’re mad at  _ me  _ about it.”

Naruto shrugged. “I don’t know, I don’t think I am.”

Sasuke made a face. “I didn’t tell him to punch you. I don’t possibly know what it could have to do with me. I haven’t talked to Shikamaru since he came to see me in the hospital after the accident.”

“And what about before then?”

Sasuke thought he might have slapped Naruto in that moment, one good time across the face. “Before then? We never talked before then. Not for, like, a year. I was feeling a lot of shame about it, actually.” Sasuke hated that they were doing this here, in public, where anyone could hear them. He hated that they were doing it at all.

“Uh huh.” Naruto’s eyes were trained on his fingernails.

“I don’t like him, Naruto.”

“Don’t  _ now _ ?”

Sasuke sighed angrily. “Never did.”

“So you don’t have to like someone to—”

“Naruto, I swear. If you  _ go  _ there.”

Naruto sat back and gave Sasuke his headphone back. Sasuke tried his hardest not to snatch it.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” 

Sasuke had only ever heard Naruto sound like this one other time; when he had first confessed to all the things he’d done in the past. It was the  _ jealousy _ . It was dumb. But it excited Sasuke nonetheless.

They sat in a charged silence for a moment. Naruto kept stealing Sasuke’s fries, but this time Sasuke was trying to stop him. “Stop it,” Sasuke mumbled, pushing his plate away from Naruto’s fingers.

“Kids! Are we all ready to go?” 

Both Sasuke and Naruto jumped when they heard Kushina’s voice. Her arms were laden with bags. Sasuke’s eyes nearly jumped from his head. To think that nearly everything in those bags was for Naruto only fueled the strange feeling in his mind. Mikoto has a few bags herself. She looked upon Sasuke and it seemed that she was about to say something, but Kushina beat her to it.

“Sasuke, did you get bit? There’s something on your neck,” Kushina said, and she came close and got into Sasuke’s space to examine him. He was used to not fidgeting whenever people did this, so he didn’t, but  _ goodness  _ he wished she wouldn’t press her fingers into it. 

“Oh, no, I don’t know,” Sasuke said. He shivered at the feeling of Kushina’s thumb pressing into the mark on his skin. Naruto was laughing behind his hand.

“We’re ready to go, Mom,” Naruto said eventually. 

Being dropped off at the house made Sasuke remember that he actually lived there. He hated it. He hated the way it looked, he hated the way he felt when he walked in, he hated knowing that his father could walk in at any moment and  _ exist  _ near them. But at least he wasn’t here now.

Mikoto put her things away and then came back into the living room, where Sasuke was. She yawned as she braided her hair over her shoulder. “I haven’t been out in a long time,” she said tiredly.

“You really laughed today. You really smiled. It made me so happy.” Sasuke sat across from Mikoto with his glasses on and some school work. 

“It’s been so long since I’ve felt like that,” Mikoto admitted. She let her hair fall onto her shoulder once she’d braided it all the way down and leaned back into the arm of the sofa. She looked exhausted. “Now I know that isn’t a bite on your neck. Not a  _ bug  _ bite,” she added, which caused Sasuke to looked down intently at his workbook.

“It’s alright, Sasuke,” Mikoto assured him. Sasuke glanced back up at her. “You just have to be careful. You have to know yourself, and know what you really want to do. Fooling around with people can ruin your life,” she said. Her voice was sad as she spoke the last sentence. Sasuke closed his work and paid her full attention. 

“What do you mean?”

Mikoto’s face lifted from her lap. “It can make you think you feel things you really don’t. And it can make you make decisions you wouldn’t otherwise make.” She sighed. “You have to be careful to do things with the right people for the right reasons. If it’s right, it won’t  _ feel  _ wrong. Because it isn’t.” Mikoto yawned again. “I know it’s a little early, but I think I’m gonna go ahead and go to bed. Do you need anything from me?”

Sasuke shook his head. “No, it’s alright. Goodnight, Mom.”

As he watched her retreat down the hall, Sasuke thought about her words.  _ If it’s right, it won’t feel wrong. _ But that was just it. Doing things with Shikamaru two years ago had felt so very wrong, and yet Sasuke hadn’t stopped himself. And he knew that he didn’t like Shikamaru, and he never would. Naruto would have to get over this eventually, Sasuke told himself. But he couldn’t focus on his work knowing that Naruto was at home, angry with him.

Sakura texted him and asked if she had messed anything up. 

**Sakura:** **_i’m sorry ino is such a dumb bitch. also i’m sorry that i didn’t just tell you that yesterday_ **

**Sasuke:** **_I mean. I didn’t tell the fucker to punch him. And at this point, all of that is so far removed… if they have problems in their relationship, what the fuck does that have to do with me_ **

**Sakura:** **_i know, it’s really stupid. ino said that he said temari doesn’t really care? so i don’t know what the hell his problem is_ **

Sasuke had forgotten that Ino was friends with Shikamaru. It couldn’t be about him, that made no sense. But Sasuke barely cared about that. He was more worried about Naruto being mad at him for something that had nothing to do with him, and for something that wasn’t true.

**Sasuke:** **_Naruto thinks that I have feelings for Shikamaru now._ **

Sakura sent an emoji rolling its eyes.

**Sakura:** **_what the fuck_ **

**Sasuke:** **_I don’t know what I could do to convince him, but I kind of don’t care because that’s really stupid._ **

**Sakura:** **_just give him time to realize how stupid that is_ **

And she was right, Sasuke reasoned. He would just have to let Naruto realize that it was idiotic to think that just because they had done stuff, Sasuke had feelings for the boy. Especially  _ now, _ after all of the things that he had done and said to Naruto. It wasn’t worth being angry about, because Sasuke knew better. 

Sasuke felt something tugging at the back of his mind. He could just leave this alone and let it go away… but it was pissing him off. And apparently, it was pissing Shikamaru off, too, because he was calling Sasuke right that moment.

“Hello?”

“Hello.” Shikamaru coughed. He sounded a lot more raspy than he did in the years past. Even over the phone, his voice made Sasuke shiver. He remembered hearing that voice in his ear. He remembered feeling that voice against his skin. “D’you tell your boyfriend about tenth grade?” Shikamaru sounded like he was smoking.

“He isn’t my boyfriend. D’you tell your  _ girlfriend  _ about tenth grade?”

“Hmph. Touché. Yeah, I told her. I don’t know what’s wrong with her brother,” Shikamaru said. “I don’t think she told him to do it… but she’s clearly suddenly become upset about it. I think it’s because I broke up with her again.”

“Well, why’d you do that?”

“I don’t know, really. Just been thinking.”

“Thinking about what?” Sasuke hated that he was doing this. He hated that he’d have to tell Naruto he’d done this, eventually, because they didn’t lie to each other anymore. He was embarrassed that he was doing this.

“Don’t think I ever loved her,” Shikamaru said. His voice was a lot more quiet. 

“I’m sorry,” Sasuke said. He genuinely was.

“It’s fine. Just kind of… a waste of time, really.” Shikamaru sighed. “I’m sorry. He probably won’t like that I called you, but Ino is texting me. So annoying. She’s going to tell people.”

Dread filled Sasuke so entirely that he almost dropped his phone. He had known that, really, that Ino couldn’t keep her mouth shut when it mattered most. But now, everyone would know what Sasuke had done. Sasuke closed his eyes and pressed his lips together so that he didn’t erupt into a panic attack.

“He’s mad at me,” Sasuke said eventually, after he had stopped his hands from shaking so badly. 

“He shouldn’t be,” Shikmaru said.

“He thinks I like you,” Sasuke continued. 

Shikamaru scoffed. “That’s rich. Do you want me to—”

“No , don’t. Just, please, tell Ino to stop telling people.”

Sasuke hung up then. He wanted to fling his phone across the room. “God  _ fucking _ ,” he mumbled shakily. At least tomorrow was Sunday. He would have one more day to think about this, and one more day to take time from Naruto’s irrational anger at him. Sasuke rubbed a hand over his face. It would be fine, yes. Sasuke let his mind fill with the feelings of his vision. They were going to get  _ married _ , he reminded himself. They would be together. This would pass. That wasn’t going to last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik that shikamaru is canon sleaze but i love him so i tried to make him a little more understanding than he would be. so far still trying to figure out if it actually does have anything to do with sasuke bc that would be spicy ;) i hope you guys could see the foreshadowing i did by picking puppet boy was the offender


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITACHI’S JOURNAL
> 
> 2/1/2020 8:09pm : edited for timeline/clarity.

Monday came, and Sasuke decided to do something he’d only ever done twice before. He took a mental health day. 

In the past, his father wouldn’t let him. He’d always tell Sasuke to get over it, to stop thinking about it, to stop letting it bother him. And Sasuke had tried, he tried so hard to stop feeling. But he was full of feelings at all times. It took him crying to get Fugaku to let him stay home. Itachi would mysteriously need to stay home, too, on those days, and he took care of Sasuke, despite Sasuke’s protests. How he wished Itachi was here now, to take care of him like before.

At least he had Mikoto. She was looking for jobs. “This shouldn’t be so hard,” she mumbled to herself. She sat at the kitchen table with her computer and her glasses sliding down her nose. It was early, and Sasuke felt strange being awake but not on the way to school. 

“I can’t wait until your brother gets rich,” Mikoto joked. 

Sasuke laughed lightly. “Rich from dissecting leaves?”

“They’re paying him to travel, surely he’ll get _something_. Eventually.” Mikoto sighed then and went back to her tapping. After a moment of silence, she stopped again.

“What do you think about… moving?” 

Sasuke turned his head to look behind him. He was on the sofa, watching cartoons. “Moving?”

Mikoto nodded. “Moving out of here.”

“Away from here?”

Mikoto shrugged. “Maybe. Someplace else. Away from… what your father is doing.”

Sasuke looked back at the TV with glazed eyes. He didn’t want to, was his first thought. He didn’t want to leave this place. He had grown up here, this was the only house he’d ever lived in. It was close to school, it was close to Naruto. No, Sasuke thought, he didn’t have too much interest in breaking from what he knew. But those were his first thoughts.

His second thoughts were a lot more practical. Yes, it would probably be best for the two of them to leave this place. Just because it was familiar didn’t mean anything about it was better. Sasuke was about to graduate, soon enough, and he didn’t have very many plans after that. He wondered how it would be, just him and Mikoto, together wherever they went. He would protect her forever. And he could try to find an _interest_ that he could make a _career_ out of. Away from here, with fresh eyes. He could meet new people, make new friends, find something he liked to do. 

“I think it’s an interesting idea,” Sasuke said slowly. He turned his head over his shoulder to look at Mikoto again. He offered her a sincere look, one that he hoped conveyed that he would go along with whatever she wanted to do. She always thought about other people before herself, and it wasn’t lost on Sasuke.

Sasuke didn’t know what to do with himself today. He knew that his friends were at school, and that people were going to know his deepest, darkest secret by the time he got back. He didn’t know if one day was enough to come to terms with that, but he was going to try. 

He was thinking about Sunday night, and how Shikamaru had called him. Shikamaru had told him about breaking up with Temari, and what had gone wrong. 

“She had a lot of things I didn’t. Her dad is rich, she has siblings. Very different life,” Shikamaru had said. He sounded like he was outside. “And I thought, I don’t know, I just thought that having sex with her meant that I loved her.”

“And did you ever feel like you loved me?” Sasuke asked. He was halfway to sleep, and he hadn’t been able to stop himself from asking.

“No, it was never like that,” Shikamaru said. “I just want to be ok. Sometimes, you made me feel ok. Sometimes, she did. But I didn’t _love_ her. And so I couldn’t be with her.”

Sasuke hummed. “So that’s why you broke up with her.” Not a question, though it was supposed to be. He was too tired to turn his voice up at the end.

“Yeah. You can’t be with someone if you don’t love them,” Shikamaru said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You can’t be with someone if it isn’t right, even if it’s the only thing you’ve ever known. Something being familiar doesn’t mean that something is the right thing to do. I don’t know what I want to do,” Shikamaru sighed. “So I’m going to have to take the time to figure that out. On my own.”

Sasuke hated him for making so much sense.

He had felt small prickles of nerves when he’d woken up, because the only thought in his mind was the fact that he’d have to tell Naruto about that phone call and the one before it. Maybe Sasuke could have asked Shikamaru if Temari was mad at _him,_ but he didn’t even care about that. That was, in the end, Naruto’s problem, because Kankuro had decided to punch _Naruto_ , and Sasuke hadn’t told him to do that.

Sasuke understood being jealous. He had been _jealous_ of Hinata for years. He understood it, it was just what happened sometimes. But Naruto should have, by now, been able to tell that Sasuke would never pick anyone else over him. There _was_ no one else. It was only Naruto, forever. But Naruto still seemed to be under the impression that there was room to change that, that Sasuke could just _stop_ feeling the way that he’d felt for more than half of his stupid life. More than half of every day Sasuke had woken up, it had been Naruto, and then himself. And that wasn’t fair, and Sasuke knew that.

It couldn’t be sustained. Sasuke knew that something had to change, something had to be different, before he would ever allow himself to _be_ with someone. It didn’t matter that he would love Naruto for the rest of his life. It only mattered if it made Sasuke happy. And right now, he was anything but.

It took until the time of second period for someone to ask him where he was. It was Sakura, of course. She asked if he was alright, and he said yes. She asked if it had something to do with Naruto, and he said maybe. It sort of didn’t. Sasuke had a lot more to think about than just Naruto today.

Except that he wanted to _talk_ to Naruto, to figure it out, to ask him what he was feeling. Surely jealousy couldn’t be the only thing here. It only made sense to a partial degree. Naruto had been jealous before, to know that Sasuke had done anything in the first place. And he had been mad, because Sasuke had kept it a secret, not because he’d done it. But this… at its root, wasn't really Naruto’s business. Sure, they were “together” and that was fine, but there were some things Sasuke needed to get over on his own. And he was over the past, but he wasn’t over the way that Naruto was acting. 

Sasuke had been taking a nap when Mikoto came into his room to tell him that she was going shopping. “I won’t be gone too long,” she said, “but I still want you to lock the door. If anyone knocks, it isn’t me. I have a key.” He knew that she was warning him to be careful about everyone, but the main concern was Fugaku. 

“I will lock the door,” Sasuke called after her. When he heard her leave, he rolled out of his bed and yawned. It was only a few minutes after noon. He wanted to go back to sleep, but he couldn’t now. 

Eventually, Sasuke decided to call his brother. If he couldn’t be here to take care of him, the least Sasuke could get, Itachi’s voice, would be enough for today.

“Hello?” This time, it didn’t sound as though Sasuke had woken Itachi up.

“Hi,” Sasuke replied. He was in the living room again, with a game on the TV. He had muted the volume so that he could talk to Itachi.

“How are you?” 

“I’m at home,” Sasuke said.

“Shouldn’t you be at school?” Itachi sounded suspicious, but Sasuke had no reason to lie, now. 

“Yeah. But Mom let me take a day.” The buttons of the controller in Sasuke’s hand clacked while Itachi seemed to be thinking of what to say. 

“What happened? Why do you need a day?”

Sasuke sighed. “It’s Naruto,” he said simply.

“What’s he done this time?”

“I… don’t even know what’s happening. He feels some way about what happened with Shikamaru again. I don’t know what to say to him, to make him feel better. He doesn’t even know how he feels. I mean, it’s _embarrassing_ that people are finding out now, because I never wanted anyone to know.” Sasuke sighed deeply. “I was rambling. What should I do?”

Itachi took a long moment to think. Sasuke focused more on his game while Itachi was silent. “It sounds like… something has to change.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Sasuke muttered.

“I mean it, Sasuke. It can’t last this way. It _won’t_ last this way,” Itachi asserted. 

“What makes you say it like that?” Sasuke paused his game. 

“It’s just… a feeling I have,” Itachi said after a while. Sasuke thought about all the things he’d ever read about love, and relationships that worked. They were not like this, whatever he and Naruto had entered into. And he was holding on to hope that because he knew one day Naruto would ask him to marry him, they would have solved their problems. It had been the only thing keeping him going. 

“I wish you would tell me your _feelings_ a little more. And a little sooner. When I can actually use them,” Sasuke said, though his voice held no bitterness. Itachi didn’t know everything, as much as Sasuke had been under that impression for much of his life. There were some secrets about life even his brother didn’t know. But he knew some.

“I have to go,” Sasuke said abruptly. 

“What? Oh, alright. Will you tell Mother I said hello? And that I hope she likes the flowers I put out for her?” 

“Of course. She says she can’t wait for you to be rich,” Sasuke said. Itachi’s laugh was the last thing Sasuke heard before he hung up.

“Ok,” Sasuke mumbled to himself. He took a few deep breaths. To prepare his mind for what he was about to do.

The trip to his car and back into the house took only a few seconds, but they were the most charged seconds of Sasuke’s life. He held the little blue book close to his chest. It had never seemed so heavy before. Did he read it in the living room? In his own room? In Itachi’s room, maybe? No, no. 

Sasuke said his feet into his flip flops as soon as he opened the back door. He was dragging a blanket along with him, and he threw it over himself once he got to the small bench he’d built with his father so long ago. So many things had changed since then. He looked up from the journal for a moment, and took in his surroundings. It was the kind of day where the sun was shining, but you couldn’t tell. It was hiding its light behind the fast-moving clouds. It was cold. Christmas was in a week and two days, Sasuke allowed himself to remember. Most of the garden was just about empty now, since Itachi had instructed him to dig up the old stuff and “store it.” He had put it in a bucket on the side of the house. The only thing growing now were the flowers for Mikoto. He didn’t know what they were called, despite Itachi having told him a million times before. Oh well. Mikoto loved them every year, she’d love them again, as long as Sasuke remembered to water them every two days. Yesterday and tomorrow.

Sasuke sighed. He took some more deep breaths, to further steady his nerves. Somehow, he knew that his life would never be the same after he read whatever Itachi had written. But, for better or for worse, he had to know.

Sasuke curled his fingers around the front cover of the journal, and he exhaled deeply as he opened it to the first page.

“To My Brother:

I don't have very much time to write this, because Father will be coming around to see if I’m asleep soon. I hope I don’t write too much; I know how you get with long pieces of writing. 

I have wanted to tell you this for a while, but I did not know the right words with which to say it. How to tell you, that I have known such a dark moment in your life for so long? How to tell you how I saw it? How to tell you that I know it will happen, and that you will blame yourself, but it is really my fault?

I didn’t know how to say it to you. So I decided to write it down.

You asked me today, if I’ve ever seen something, felt something, that hasn’t happened yet, and I told you that I have not. But I have. I have felt, I have seen what I knew could only be the future. It has only happened to me twice. For a long time, I didn’t feel that it was anything more than a dream. I’m sure you know by now that they are, if anything, waking nightmares. You don’t know when it will happen, and it creeps up on you in times you least expected. And there’s nothing you can do to change it. You think that you are better off not knowing at all.

We got this particular ability from Mother, I learned. I did some research for my peace of mind years ago. It’s something called Internal Sharingan’s Syndrome, from what I understand. You’re born with it, it’s passed down from generations. A long time ago, there were groups of people who could see things whenever they wanted to. A sort of hyper-photographic memory, if you will. They had to think about it very hard, and it was exhausting. Only the strongest could do it at will. Those people would become the leaders of the groups. Eventually, the weak couldn’t do it at all, unless their minds were forced. It was found that the most effective way to force their minds was to traumatize them. It unlocked something in their brains that then allowed them to see. This was also exhausting. It resulted in many deaths, and the clans went from hundreds, to dozens, to one. 

Mother is descended from this last, strongest clan. (Don’t tell her, but I took some hair from her brush and sent it to one of those ancestry things, to make sure I was right.) There are still some out there, our distant relatives, who can call forth visions on a whim. How taxing this must be. To always know the future means you aren’t living in the present.

As I said, I have thus far had two visions. In my reading, I found that you often have them about the people/person you care about the most. So mine were about you. I won’t tell you what drove my mind to see these things, but I will tell you what happened.

In the first one, you are crying. You are about the age you are now, so this will probably happen soon. You are so very upset. And I can feel that we aren’t supposed to be upset, we are supposed to be happy. Something good is happening, but all you can do is cry. 

So I ask you, what’s wrong? And you tell me that your heart is broken. You tell me that I was right, and that it ‘couldn’t, it wouldn’t last this way’. I think I said that to you. You let me hold you, and I can feel how tired you are. You’re trying very hard not to cry too loud; Mother must be asleep.

‘I am happy to see you,’ you tell me, ‘even if it doesn’t look like it. I promise.’ And you laugh, though it breaks. I can’t help the smile that curls across my face.

‘What did he do now?’ I ask, and I am tired too. Tired of having to say this, to worry about you in this way.

You sigh. ‘He didn’t do anything, not this time.’

I fix you with a hard look. You fold. ‘I told you what he did, all the things he did. But I was the one who took the action this time,’ you explain. 

‘What do you mean?’ I ask. My eyes catch the digital clock in the cable box. It’s after midnight.

‘I told him that until we can figure ourselves out, and figure out better ways to love each other, then we can’t…’ Your voice trails off, you shake your head. I understand. I do not push you to speak it. Something about your breathing rattles. I nearly forgot you have asthma.

‘Do you think you will ever come back together?’ I ask eventually, after the silence stretches. You shrug.

‘I think so. I saw something,’ you admit. I nod, and I let you think. And that is where it ends.

The second one, I hesitate to tell you. It will make you sad. But life must be sad sometimes, to make you aware of what must be happy. So I will tell you, and I hope that you do not blame me too much for ruining your life.

You will be apart from Naruto for a long time. Years, it will take. There is never loss of contact, and you never forget one another. He is some sort of star; I regret to say that I don’t pay very much attention to him. He is not humble for a long time. 

You learn something about yourself in your time away from him. You enjoy this time, despite the way your heart feels. You find interests, and friends. I think Mother has taken you someplace else. Father is absent in my mind, so he must be gone. Gone in what way, I am not sure.

You and Naruto will argue, one of the worst arguments you’ve ever had, you tell me. It has taken you a lot to get to this place that you are at now. You’re wearing something nice. Much too nice for you to be the guest. This is an event about you.

I find myself crying, though only slightly. You smile at me, and reach up to wipe my tears away. Just the way I used to do to you. Just the way Mother used to do to me. Full circle. You tell me not to worry; that argument happened years ago. And you have come to terms with a lot of things. Naruto is not perfect, and he never will be. But you aren’t either, you remind me, and maybe that’s why you two belong together. There are some things Naruto has learned, and some things you have learned, that make you capable of loving each other the way you both deserve to be loved. 

And then you sigh, and you push my hair out of my face. ‘Don’t cry, Big Brother,’ you beg me. I can’t help it.

‘I don’t want to give you away,’ I can barely manage to say. Mother comes in then, so gorgeous and yet so sad. 

She smiles at you and I, and then clicks her tongue. ‘You’re too old to be crying,’ she tells me. She is wearing a deep blue dress, and her hair, tinged with gray, is pulled into an elaborate updo. She has a long scar on her arm. She has never been more beautiful.

I shake my head. ‘I can’t help it.’ And then I look at you, and I whisper, ‘You’re all I’ve ever had.’ And that’s where it ends. 

I suppose that I was a bit dramatic at its preface, but I know that you don’t want to spend any time away from Naruto. If it can be helped, you’d be with him forever, despite the things he needs to fix. But it can’t be helped. 

I hope that I haven’t made you too upset by telling you this. I hope I didn’t make you too upset when I lied to you about ISS before. It isn’t something I had the words to describe to you. I’ve written a lot, I hope you read it all. 

I love you, and I will always love you. You are, have always been, and will always be

all I have.

Itachi”

Sasuke turned the page again, but there was _his_ entry of October 11. He didn’t want to read that. Sasuke closed the journal and looked up at the sky again. 

Internal Sharingan’s. What a name. It sounded deadly. Sasuke supposed, in a way, that it was. If he tried too hard to see something, he’d die. He had already almost had that happen three times. He felt a small resentment towards Mikoto for not ever telling him, but how was she supposed to say it? It had taken 17 years for her to admit to him that she had the visions, to begin with, and that was only when he had asked her. He couldn’t blame her; it was probably terrifying. To think that _both_ of her sons had the potential to see things they didn’t want to see. He wondered if Mikoto had ever told Fugaku about her visions, or about her ISS at all.

Sasuke had thought that his mind would be racing, scrambling to figure out what Itachi had written, but he was calm. It made sense now. Naruto was going away soon enough; that’s probably when their time apart would start.

But first, they would have to “argue,” the worst argument they’ll ever have. At least, Sasuke thought bitterly, that they’d get it out of the way now. It didn’t shed any light on what sort of life he’d be living alone, without Naruto, but that was fine. He would rather not know right now. 

Sasuke felt at peace. He didn’t want to argue with Naruto, he would rather do anything else. But it was necessary for them to be together. And, _much_ more importantly, it would be the key to open the door for Sasuke to learn more about himself. To figure out what he wanted to do with himself. For him to become more ok with himself, in general. Before things could be _them,_ it would have to be just Sasuke, and Sasuke was surprisingly alright with that. He looked forward to it.

When Sasuke dragged back into the house, he first put Itachi’s journal in his desk drawer again, Then, he went into the kitchen and got himself a snack. Finally, he sat on the sofa again, he tried to think about what he’d say to Naruto when they finally spoke again. Would he tell him what he knew, now? Would that make a difference? Sasuke didn’t know, but he didn’t think so. Whatever was meant to happen would happen. It was known. 

Sasuke was nodding off on the sofa when someone knocked on the door. He was about to get up and answer it, as was his habit, but he stopped dead in his tracks when he remembered what Mikoto had said. No one with a key (someone who belonged in here) would be knocking.

So Sasuke retreated back to the couch to see if they’d knock again. He was beginning to think they had gone, when there came another knock. Sasuke debated hotly with himself whether or not to ask who it was, but then they spoke, and his mind went blank.

“I know you’re here, Sasuke. I can see your car.” It was Fugaku, loud and slurring already. In broad daylight. Sasuke shrunk into the arm of the couch and hoped that his father couldn’t hear his breathing. 

“You think you can just lock me out of here? Keep me away from you, and her? You can’t, she can’t. You’re going to need me to come back, sooner than you think.” Fugaku sounded like he was pacing back and forth in front of the door. Sasuke wanted to open it, if only to spit on him. But he just drew the cover up to his chin, and curled his arms around his knees. If he sat here quietly enough, Fugaku would forget what he was even doing here, and he’d leave.

Sasuke heard a car pull into the driveway. “Mother?” he whispered to himself. Yes, it was Mikoto, and when she spoke, she sounded angry. 

“Fugaku, what are you doing here? I told you not to come back,” Mikoto said. She was livid. Sasuke heard plastic being rustled. He remembered that she had gone to the store for groceries. For dinner, he assumed.

“This is _my_ house,” Fugaku said. Sasuke wanted to see what they were doing. Did he risk it, just a glance? He had to. There was an overwhelming need to know what they were doing.

Sasuke slid from the sofa and moved quietly across the room until he was close enough to the window to draw back its curtains. He saw them, Fugaku facing Mikoto, and Mikoto holding the groceries on both of her arms.

“You need to leave,” Mikoto said. She attempted to come closer to the door, but Fugaku took the last step to meet her halfway. Sasuke felt his blood getting cold. The look in Mikoto’s eyes was fear. No matter what she was saying, she was afraid. This man had hurt her so many times, had caused pain to her and her children, all she’d ever had.

And Sasuke wouldn’t let it happen again. Just as he saw Fugaku raising his hand, Sasuke bolted to the door and threw it up. He was just in time to push Fugaku away from Mikoto and to gather her up. “Mom, get in the house, forget that shit,” Sasuke said. He didn’t mean to push her, but she was just _standing_ and _staring_ , so he had to. She did, at least, have the mind to close the door behind her. 

Fugaku tried to come at Sasuke, but he tripped on one of the bags Mikoto had dropped, and Sasuke took that opportunity to grab a tight hold of his father’s arm and wrench it behind his back. There was a heat in Sasuke’s veins. This was all so _violent._ He had learned this move from wrestling with Naruto (and one time Sakura; he never did that again because she had nearly broken his arm), but that had all been fun. This was to save his mother’s life.

“Now you listen to me—” Fugaku tried to say, but Sasuke tightened his hold and brought Fugaku roughly to his chest.

“No, you listen to _me_. We don’t want you here. We don’t need you here. We changed the locks so that you can’t get back in. Stop coming here, fucking with us. D’you think it doesn’t hurt her, to love you so much and yet to know she can never love you again? It’s painful. That’s a pain I never wanted to see her feel,” Sasuke said. He’d never heard his own voice sound so gruff. “You can’t hurt us anymore. Stop coming here when you’re drunk and trying to win her back, only to go and choose whoever the fuck you’re leaving her for when you’re in your right mind. Just fuck off forever, Dad. We don’t need you anymore.”

Sasuke released his father and watched him fall to the ground. It felt like nothing. He hadn’t witnessed as much hurt as Itachi, and Itachi hadn’t witnessed as much hurt as Mikoto. But there was hurt, so much pain, and Sasuke was looking down at its root. “Go _away_ ,” Sasuke said finally. He brought the bags into the house and locked the door behind him.

“Is he still there?” Mikoto asked. She had resumed Sasuke’s previous position at the window. 

“Yeah, but I’m sure he’ll leave. Someone will call the police, or something.” Sasuke shrugged. He took the groceries into the kitchen and examined the ones from the bags Mikoto had dropped. They were all good.

“Can I help you?” Sasuke asked, coming out of the kitchen.

“Hm?” Mikoto seemed to be somewhere else. “Oh, yeah, I would love that,” she said eventually, when she processed what Sasuke had asked her.

They made Sasuke’s favorite, fried green tomatoes, and they watched Mikoto’s favorite, some movie with Tom Cruise in it. Then they ate ice cream, and the next thing Sasuke knew, they were asleep on the couch. Mikoto’s arm was tight on his shoulder. He sighed and closed his eyes again. At least today, there was nothing to worry about. He would go to school tomorrow (maybe), and he would get on with his life. At least today. At least this week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot to say here. first, i want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of the comments and discussions. they really help me tune in to what you guys like/expect/want to see, as well as letting me know whether or not what i was trying to do with a certain character or their actions (a) came across the way i wanted them to and (b) are effective to the story. another thing: before anyone says it, i know that mikoto married into the uchiha in canon. this isn’t canon, this is my story, from my mind. i don’t expect anyone to try to tell me that she wouldn’t have sharingan because she wasn’t born uchiha, but people say things that are stupid all the time. i know that! i made that up! i made up the entire thing! so please just enjoy it and let it be my story, thank you. i really hope you guys enjoyed this one, and that itachi’s journal lived up to the hype lmao. as always, tell me what you think!!


	14. Naruto’s Day Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry to keep you guys waiting! i just really have been bogged down w school work, you know how being a student is. also, i kept editing this because i wanted to make sure i captured naruto’s point of view and emotions throughout all of the hallmark moments that have happened so far. why does this chapter have a title? bc i love john hughes. why am i so stupid? bc i’m stupid. i hope you guys liked this one, and next time we bring you back to your regularly scheduled sasuke haha. or do we ;)

“Naruto! If you don’t get up in two minutes you’re going to be late for school!” 

Naruto cracked his eyes open. There was water running in the sink downstairs, his alarm was going off next to his head, and Minato was at his door. 

“Ma, Danna, stop yelling at the boy,” Kushina said, rushing past Minato on her way to the closet in the hallway. 

“D’you think  _ you’re  _ the one they’re notifying if the boy is late? I get too many calls a day! He has things to worry about now!” Minato yelled.

Naruto sat up in his bed and ran a hand over his face. It was Monday. The sun was threatening to break over the horizon behind the light colored curtains covering his window. He turned his head to look over his shoulder at the map Sasuke made for him. He had asked Minato to help him mount it the day after his birthday. (It was rather hard to do, so hungover, but they had managed.) Now, Naruto stood on his knees on his bed in front of it and did what he had been doing every morning for months now. He pressed his fingers over the picture of himself and Sasuke, where the red pin denoted  _ home _ . He lifted the little flap and read the words out loud to himself.

“This is Konoha. This is home. You were born here. We met here. You think you won’t miss it when you leave, but we’ll just have to see about that. Wherever you go, I hope that you never forget home.”

Naruto slumped down and looked at his pillow. He had always wanted to leave this place. Of course, it was  _ home _ , but home was only ever where you said it was. Where your heart was. And for a long time, Naruto’s heart had been wandering. 

Even when he was with Hinata, his heart hadn’t been here. He thought that he had loved her; when you’re 15 and someone tells you they love you, you’re going to believe them. And when they say that to you, you just start to think you love them, too, if you’ve never felt it before. If you don’t know any better. She had said she loved him, and he said it back. He liked her  _ because  _ she liked him. Along the way, they had learned things about each other, they had become friends, they had maybe even liked each other. But then, Sasuke had started  _ needing  _ him, and it was as though he’d never felt anything for Hinata.

Sasuke’s well-being had been a constant cloud on Naruto’s mind. It was the only thing he’d been thinking about, for weeks. The silver lining was that Sasuke seemed content to allow Naruto into his walls, for once. Of course, Sasuke was the person that Naruto knew the best, better than Hinata, better than Sakura, better than himself. Over the time he spent with Sasuke, he realized that even when Sasuke was ok again, he was the only thing in Naruto’s mind. It went from making sure Sasuke was ok to doing the extra thing, going just  _ that  _ much farther to make Sasuke smile. 

It got to the point where Naruto just didn’t want to be away from Sasuke. He always thought about him, wanted to know where he was, the next time Naruto would see him, if he was alright, had he eaten today, did he do his homework, was he feeding his snake. Little things Naruto didn’t even care about to notice in himself. To  _ care  _ about someone else so much was new to him. And Naruto supposed now that he should have always cared about Hinata like that, but he hadn’t.

Sasuke did the same thing for Naruto, cared for him in his time of need, when Hinata got sick of waiting, sick of competing. Sasuke had helped Naruto remember who he had been before her; what he liked to do, to listen to, to think about. Naruto still remembered the day she had asked him to talk, saying it was serious. 

“What could be so serious that you can’t just call me after school?” Naruto had asked, once they were facing one another in the hallway that connected the boys and girls locker rooms. She was red in the face, but Naruto knew it had nothing to do with her team sports class.

“It’s not a phone conversation,” Hinata had said. Her hair was in a high ponytail, with some wisps sticking out of the side. Her bangs covered her forehead. Naruto felt his heart swell just to look at her. She was so  _ cute,  _ and she loved him.

“Then what is it?” Naruto asked. He leaned against the wall, and he welcomed how cool it was against his hot skin. “I don’t have a lotta time, Sasuke is—”

“Waiting for you? When isn’t he?” Hinata finished his sentence. She crossed her arms over her chest. Naruto’s eyebrows drew together.

“What’s that supposed to mean? What are you on about?” Naruto asked, confused. He tried to reach out for her, to wrap an arm around her shoulders, but she pulled herself away before he could.

“You spend an inordinate amount of time with him.”

Naruto gave her a look.

Hinata sighed. “Excessive, too much. You spend too much time with him.”

Naruto rolled his eyes. “Sakura was telling me that it bothered you. Why didn’t  _ you  _ tell me?”

Hinata scoffed and threw her hands in the air. “Well, gee, Naruto, I thought I was telling you right now. I’ve been  _ trying  _ to tell you. But you’re always with him, or leaving to go be with him, or thinking about being with him.” Naruto opened his mouth to speak, but Hinata cut him off with a hard look and by jabbing her finger into his chest. “ _ Don’t _ act like I wouldn’t notice. I noticed. You never pay attention to anything I say anymore. I said Sakura was pregnant two days ago and you told me that Sasuke’s favorite color was purple.” 

“So, I spend time with him sometimes. I don’t see why it’s bothering you so much. I mean, he’s hurt, he got hurt, I was just making sure he’s alright,” Naruto explained. He stood up straighter.

“That’s just the thing, Naruto. Sasuke has been alright for weeks. His cold is gone, he’s fine now. Sakura told me.” Hinata spoke with her hands. 

“He’s my  _ friend _ , Hinata—”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Hinata… what are you trying to say?” Naruto came closer to her, and she didn’t step away. 

“I don’t think you’re just friends, and you don’t even know it. And I don’t want to get in the way of that, whatever you have going on. I’m tired of waiting for you to figure it out. So I’m just going to do this part for you. It’s over.” Hinata stepped past him, but she looked over her shoulder to say one last thing. 

“I love you,” Hinata said. Her voice was still cold. Only her eyes betrayed how she really seemed to feel, and the sadness there nearly bowled Naruto over. “I will always love you, but I can’t do this anymore.”

And Naruto had been a wreck. He had lost a large part of who he thought he was when Hinata left. But in her place, in the large void in his heart that had been Hinata there grew a feeling.

It took Sasuke nearly dying  _ again  _ for Naruto to recognize the feeling. 

Seeing Sasuke lay there, his blood pooling out beneath him, his arm bent unnaturally, his chest just barely rising; that was when Naruto realized that while he didn’t know the name of it, he had a  _ feeling  _ about Sasuke that he’d never had about anyone before. It was a lot different than what he thought loving Hinata had felt like. Loving Hinata had been safe, familiar; something he was meant to do. This  _ feeling  _ about Sasuke was hot and volatile, but he liked it. He liked not knowing to call it. It let him feel more than he would have, if he had just had a name for it. There were no confines, while he was trying to figure it out.

In the moment it arose, though, he didn’t like it. Sasuke had really almost gone and  _ died _ , and for what? Naruto still didn’t know. All he knew was that he didn’t think he’d ever be ok again if Sasuke didn’t wake up. There was a strange beat to his heart, watching Sasuke breathe on the hospital bed. Seeing Sasuke there, and knowing that he might really never wake up, made Naruto feel… car-crash-trainwreck-exploding-rocket-meteor-collision on the inside. He really wasn’t used to it. Naruto knew that he didn’t want to feel this again. He thought that when Sasuke’s eyes opened, the feeling would go away, and they’d go back to being the way they were before, but the feeling only intensified. 

When Naruto heard Sasuke speak again, when he saw Sasuke look at him again, he knew something was wrong with him. This wasn’t right. This fluttering of his heart, this crazy heat in his veins, this delirium in his brain. When Sasuke smiled at him, even though he was drugged, and the way Sasuke was speaking to him; Naruto knew that he couldn’t be in his right mind, having these feelings. When Sasuke opened his eyes, Naruto knew then that he couldn’t live without him, and he didn’t want to. He didn’t ever want to. He had always had Sasuke, to come over and to play with him when they were young, and to lean on when they got older.

But he was conflicted. He had never felt such intense emotions about a  _ boy  _ before, let alone someone so close to him as Sasuke. Sasuke, who he had known forever. Sasuke, who had never, as far as Naruto knew, shown any interest in anyone at all. Sasuke, who Naruto knew would be hurt if he ever found out about what he was doing right then.

“See, there’s no way you can like him,” Hinata had whispered in his ear, “you couldn’t fuck me like this if you felt like  _ that _ .” Her nails were digging in his back. She breathed hot against his neck, and he shivered. Naruto had to bite his lip to keep from groaning. He had snuck in the back door of her house, the first time. He had been upset, desperate, and confused, because the feeling he was having about Sasuke was beginning to take a new shape. He had been watching a romance movie, and he just kept noticing things. Things the protagonists felt for one another that  _ he  _ was feeling about Sasuke. Despair at the idea that they wouldn’t love them back. Jealousy at the idea that they could love someone else.  _ Love  _ whenever they looked at the person. Excitement when they knew they’d see the other person, no matter if it was wrong or right. Naruto’s heart was beating in his ears when he called Hinata. She had answered right away, and in less than twenty minutes he was over at her house. 

It would have been way too noisy to sneak all the way up to her room, so he had her spread out across a desk. He thought it might have been her sister’s, but he didn’t remember. It didn’t matter. What mattered was that even as he was inside of her, and she was gripping him and whispering things in his ear, the way she had before, this didn’t feel the same. It was biologically pleasing; he was hard and he knew he was going to cum. But that was just it. His emotions weren’t in it, anymore. She asked him to cum inside her, but he wouldn’t. 

The next time, it was after school in the back of her car. She drove a big pink Durango that her parents had paid to get painted, and the windows were tinted. It had always been interesting to Naruto, and they’d used it to their advantage before. Today should have been no different, but as she rode down harder onto him, Naruto still didn’t feel it. He gripped her the same ways he had before, ran his hands over her body the same ways he had been, moved within her the same ways he had before. But that was  _ before _ . And now, this was just sex. He couldn’t convince himself that he  _ liked  _ her, now. 

This time, she noticed that he was distracted. “What, it isn’t good? D’you want me to suck you off?” Hinata asked. Her fingers slid from his shoulders for a moment before she resumed her tight hold on him. 

Naruto’s eyes were out the window, glazed over. “Hm? Oh, no. Just… get up, turn around.” Maybe, if he didn’t have to look at her face, he’d feel differently about it. But that didn’t help either. He leaned over her body, and she let him. She arched her back for him, she was good at things like that, but Naruto just didn’t care. “Fuck,” Naruto mumbled to himself. He told her to move around again, so that he could do it missionary, but even that wasn’t enough. Eventually, he just asked her to finish him some other way, and he didn’t answer any of her calls that night. He felt  _ bad  _ for not wanting anything to do with her, because he never thought that he’d be this person. That he’d end up using someone just to figure out how he felt, and that the someone would be Hinata. Never in a million years.

He tossed and turned at night for two weeks, wondering what it meant. Sex had been one of his favorite things about their relationship, apart from  _ support  _ and  _ understanding _ , of course. They fixed their problems by having sex, and forgetting them. He tried to ask Sakura for her advice, but she only wanted to tell Sasuke.

“Naruto, he needs to know this,” she had said as soon as he was done talking.

“No, he doesn’t,” Naruto said quickly. The idea of Sasuke knowing what he had done, even if it was a mistake, was enough to make Naruto want to  _ die.  _ It was out of the question. It wasn’t going to happen.

“I just don’t know why you’ve gone and done this shit, Naruto. Like, talking to her again is one thing. Even kissing her again is another thing, but it isn’t fucking her. Like… I really want to tell him. I’m going to tell him, if you don’t. Imagine how he’s going to feel, and how he’d feel to know that I  _ knew _ and didn’t tell him.” Sakura sounded like there was no convincing her, but Naruto had to try. 

“Please, please. I’m begging you. I wish I hadn’t done it, either, but I did, and I know that if he finds out he might never forgive me. You said it yourself, imagine how he’s going to feel. We don’t want him to feel like that.” Again, Naruto would rather die.

Sakura had huffed a stressed-out breath. “Fine. I won’t tell him, as long as you take me to the mall and let me spend $500. On whatever I want. I still might tell him”

Naruto had scoffed. “That’s… fuck, fine, ok.”

And that’s why  _ that  _ had happened. 

But Sasuke had still found out, and he had still threatened to never forgive Naruto. He had mentioned things that would “hurt” Naruto if he found out, but that went over Naruto’s head. He  _ had  _ felt Sasuke coming closer to him, and he had felt the attraction. It was everything in  _ him  _ not to kiss Sasuke. And why did he want to kiss Sasuke, where did this feeling come from? It was overwhelming in a crazy sort of way. Naruto thought that he was going insane. Then the bell had rang and ruined it, and Sasuke had left Naruto there, dragging his heart along with him.

Telling Sasuke the truth was the hardest thing Naruto thought he’d ever done. Sitting there, knowing what he was about to do, was hard. But he was a human, and he had to defend himself against his own emotions. That’s why he had been rude about it, at first. Projecting. He had a very bad problem with that, he was coming to realize. But in those moments he still hadn’t known the true depth of his emotions. He’d just known that if Sasuke hadn’t forgiven him, he’d never be able to forgive himself. He needed Sasuke, needed Sasuke to want to remain at his side. Naruto didn’t know how he would continue if Sasuke hadn’t forgiven him.

Naruto had been… devastated wasn’t the right word, when Sasuke had told him the truth about his past. Naruto didn’t know the word. He didn’t know a lot of words. All he recognized was jealousy, like how he’d felt whenever he saw Kiba and Hinata together when they thought he wasn’t looking. Or even when he was looking, because Kiba was “just a friend” and there was “nothing to worry about.” Yeah. He’d felt jealous before, but this was a lot more dangerous. It melded with the feeling he’d been having so for Sasuke for months now, and they weren’t a good mix.  _ So  _ many girls. And of all the boys, it was the Nara kid. A shithead, with a  _ girlfriend _ . Why did he care? What did it matter to him, if he and Sasuke were “just friends” and only had “just friends” feelings for each other? Why was it so hard for  _ both  _ of them?

Naruto had needed time to collect himself after that, he knew he would. But he still wanted Sasuke to be there for his birthday, the way he always had been. He didn’t expect Hinata to get him anything at all; he hadn’t planned on getting her anything. It was a nice thought, too. He would have kept it, if it didn’t remind him of all the years he’d lost himself in being Hinata’s boyfriend. That’s all they had ever been to one another; Hinata’s: boyfriend and Naruto’s girlfriend. It wasn’t healthy, he’d realized. He left it on his bed that day, but he’d put it in a bag to go to storage the next day. 

He didn’t expect to kiss Sasuke that day, either. It was glorious. To know that Sasuke felt the same way as him, even on the level of physical attraction, was amazing. Naruto had been flying. 

Flying too close to the sun.

He hadn’t expected to get so drunk, either, or to enjoy playing songs so much, or to enjoy  _ vodka  _ so much, or to speak to Hinata again. At least, not like that. Before Sasuke had walked in, she was trying to tell him something, but he didn’t pay attention then, so he didn’t remember now. 

All he really remembered was her saying that he was a fool for Sasuke, and he thought that was pretty dumb. He wasn’t a  _ fool  _ for anyone. He hadn’t even been a fool for her. But as he’d started to drink water instead of alcohol, and he'd thought about it more, he realized that she could only be right. She had always been right about everything. He didn’t know why she would be wrong today.

When he ventured to ask Sasuke, “Do you love me?”,  _ Yes _ hadn’t been the answer he was expecting. He had felt something emanating off of Sasuke the entire night, but love? Love wasn’t what he thought it was. And then they’d kissed again, a lot harder, and Naruto had wanted to try something else, but he didn’t want to push it.

And then Sasuke was  _ saying  _ it, all the time, telling Naruto he loved him whenever they were alone. And, alright, Naruto had a  _ feeling,  _ but was it love? He didn’t know, and he didn’t want to say it just because Sasuke was saying it. That’s how it had been with Hinata; he had said it back to her the very first time she had said it. And he didn’t want this to be like that, because that hadn’t worked. That clearly hadn’t been right. But Naruto guessed he wasn’t very articulate, because Sasuke was growing angry at him for not saying it. 

He just wanted to feel before he spoke, for once. To think critically about what was going on inside of his own mind. Sasuke made Naruto’s heart beat crazy, and Sasuke made Naruto feel intense stress. Or, more like car-crash-trainwreck-exploding-rocket-meteor-collision. That was still how he felt, but he had grown to like it. It meant something different now. Sasuke had  _ opinions _ and things he thought sometimes didn’t line up with Naruto. And that was fine. They were different. But to learn about the visions was something Naruto nearly couldn’t handle.

He remembered the day in the car, after school, when he’d told Sasuke about his signing. He didn’t  _ want  _ to remember the night of the game, getting punched in his face by some fuckhead, but that was all a part of it. Good things happened that night, too. Sasuke’s body so open for him, and Sasuke telling him his secrets. It was different than with Hinata in a lot more ways than one. 

But Naruto remembered the look in Sasuke’s eyes when he’d said it, when he’d finally revealed what would happen. Hopelessness. The call was good, the offer was good, but why didn’t it feel good? Because they both knew what it meant: Naruto would finally leave this place. And to be thousands of miles away? At the beginning of this year, that had been an exciting thought. But then Sasuke got hurt, and then Sasuke got hurt  _ again _ , and Naruto realized that home was where your heart is, and his heart rested entirely with Sasuke. 

And it always would, apparently. 

Sasuke had known that Naruto and Hinata would break up. Alright. He could sort of understand why Sasuke wouldn’t want to talk about that; Naruto wouldn’t have believed him, and it would have put a wedge between them. As if Hinata already didn’t do that.

Sasuke had known that they’d lay there in the grass, and Naruto would pour his heart out to Sasuke without even knowing what the feeling was called. Naruto supposed that Sasuke had wanted to savor that, and it would have been strange to bring it up when they were fighting… ignoring each other? Figuring themselves out.

And now, Sasuke was telling him something else. Years in the future, no telling how many, they’d be together again. Sasuke would be tired. Naruto would ask Sasuke to marry him. But did he say yes? Naruto forgot to ask, because he was overwhelmed. He couldn’t dispute that what Sasuke had seen before had already happened, so this would happen, too, right? And he thought that it was a beautiful phenomenon, no matter how dangerous it was. He was grateful to Sasuke for telling him, and he said so. 

But that was the end of the  _ good. _ Naruto felt it in himself. As the days wore on, he stopped thinking so much about whether or not he was the same. Whether or not he was the person Sasuke wanted him to be, needed him to be. Who cares, right? They’d end up together eventually, years down the line. What he did right now didn’t really matter. Sasuke would end up forgiving him, in the long run, so he didn’t have to be so careful.

And that’s what he thought when he let his jealousy control him. It was Sakura who had told them that the asshat who punched him was Temari’s brother. Naruto had never heard of someone named Temari, and he definitely didn’t know why any of that would matter to him. 

Hearing the words “Shikamaru’s girlfriend,” was enough to make Naruto forget who he was entirely. To think of what he’d done as  _ selfish  _ was a particularly gross understatement. He couldn’t imagine the feeling of shame and embarrassment that Sasuke had felt, had been feeling for years, and all he’d done was gone and intensified it. He was supposed to help Sasuke work through such feelings, or at least let him know that he had support, if he didn’t want to talk about it. And all Naruto had done was push Sasuke away, to this point. The point that they were at now. Naruto didn’t know what to call this, this strange limbo, but he knew that it was his fault. And he felt like dying, rather than facing Sasuke and knowing that he had broken Sasuke’s heart, maybe for the last time.

Thinking about the present made Naruto suddenly not care so much that he was definitely going to be late for school that day. He thought fast and reached for the water he kept on his bedside table. He had just finished putting it over his face and neck, like he was sweating, when Minato came into his room. Naruto put on his best distraught face and groaned extra loud when he felt the light hit his eyelids.

“Boy! You’re— are you alright?” Minato came fast into Naruto’s room, and swiped some of the water from his forehead.

“I’m fine,” Naruto said, as throatily as he could muster. After feigning a coughing fit, Naruto attempted to sit up, but Minato pushed him back down. 

“Oh, no you don’t,” Minato said. “Your mother’s gone and got you sick. You stay here. I’m going to make you some soup.”

When he heard the door click shut, Naruto sat up in his bed and sighed in frustration. Minato was going to be home all day, but that wouldn’t stop Naruto from doing things he needed to do to figure himself out. 

Naruto kept thinking about what he’d say to Sasuke, to get him to listen, and talk to him, and maybe understand. Naruto knew now that he was bad with words and even worse with feelings, but he wanted to work it out. It was the  _ only  _ thing he wanted. Being away from Sasuke, and knowing that Sasuke didn’t want to see him, made Naruto feel incredibly anxious. It was beyond just  _ upsetting _ . He didn’t know the word for that, either.

“Naruto, you need to take a shower,” Minato called from downstairs. Naruto dragged himself from the bed, but instead of preparing for a shower, he slunk off to the drawers and dug into one of the top ones. 

“Come on, come on,” Naruto mumbled frantically, scrambling through his socks and underwear until he finally felt his fingers hit the glass of one of his old cell phones. He exclaimed in small victory and then dove head first back into his bed when he heard Minato’s feet on the stairs.

“That Kushina,” Minato was saying as he came into Naruto’s room again. Naruto turned his head slowly toward the sound of Minato’s voice. He did his best to look put upon. 

“Mommy?” Naruto sat up and squinted in Minato’s direction. He only ever talked like this when he was  _ really  _ sick. He sucked his thumb for good measure.

“No, Son. It’s your father. I made you this broth.” Minato was holding a large pink bowl. It was Naruto’s favorite. Kushina had made it for him in a pottery class before he was born. He liked that it was pink, and that it wasn’t as heavy as the other bowls in the house. 

“What’s in it?” Naruto asked. He forced himself to sit up and took the bowl with shaking hands. This was getting hard to keep up with; he wanted to laugh so badly.

“Just noodles,” Minato said. He patted Naruto’s head. “My poor thing. She’s gone and got you sick again. You Uzumakis,” he said with a shake of his head. “Hold my heart in your hands.” He said that a little more quiet.

“I’m going to come back to check on you in a few hours,” Minato said. He edged out of the room quickly and stood behind the doorway. “It isn’t anything  _ personal _ , I just don’t want to get sick. Then, no one in the house is going to cook, and there will be no laundry done, and…” Minato shook his head again, and shuddered at the thought. “You be good in here. Try not to dream too hard.”

Naruto dipped on the bowl and closed his eyes. “Whatever you say, Daddy,” he said. He opened one eye and raised his eyebrow when Minato closed the door behind him again. “Can’t believe I’m related to such a sucker,” he muttered.

Naruto set the bowl down and slid his old phone from beneath his pillow. It was dead, of course, but Naruto had always kept the chargers for his old phones. He rubbed his hands together when he saw the little battery show up on the screen, indicating it was charging. Next, Naruto rolled from his bed again and dug around in his duffle bag until he found his portable charger. It was dead, too, so he had to plug it in.

Naruto did what his father had said and took a shower, and when he got back into his room and picked out his clothes as though he would be going to school. Just a little snazzier. He didn’t plan on going to school today. He was going to go  _ out _ . He opened his window, too, for  _ effect _ . And because he didn’t know whether or not he’d have to get into it later.

It took an entire hour for Naruto’s things to charge. He was beginning to grow antsy, but as soon as his old phone hit 80% he pulled it off the charger and opened it. The lock screen was of himself and Hinata. The home screen was of himself, Sakura, and Sasuke. They all looked so  _ young _ . Naruto was surprised this phone even opened again. 

“Now let’s see…” Naruto’s voice trailed off as he tapped fast across the screen. He tried once to call his new phone, and it didn’t work. He hummed in frustration. Maybe if he did it the other way? Naruto called his  _ old  _ phone from his new phone, and that time it picked up. Yes, thank  _ whomever  _ for the cloud and all of that technology shit.

Naruto hung up that call and got dressed. Now came the hardest part. Getting out of here. Minato cleaned with music on, so he probably wouldn’t hear it, but Naruto had only ever snuck out of his window a few times. It was too hard, he decided. He’d have to find a lower window, and that meant risking being seen by Minato. But it was a risk he was going to have to take. 

Naruto put his phone on the portable charger to make sure it worked, and then took it off again to preserve its battery. He got dressed in his clothes, and didn’t bother to do anything to his hair. Naruto laid his old phone on his pillow, grabbed his keys, and then he tiptoed into the hallway and gripped the rails of the landing. He could see Minato’s shadow moving around in the living room, and he could hear the music. He made a face as the Sade blasted out of the speakers. Minato wouldn’t hear him  _ for sure.  _

Naruto took the steps one at a time, looking up every time he moved to make sure he hadn’t been heard. A few of them creaked in places, but he knew those places. He was exposed as he moved through the kitchen, but Minato was reaching up high to dust something on a shelf, so his back was turned. 

Naruto didn’t bother trying to be quiet once he got to the back door. Minato wouldn’t hear him. Minato wouldn’t know that he was gone. Naruto sat in his car for a while, trying to figure out what he would actually do. All he really wanted to do was talk to Sasuke, but that was out of the question. He just wanted to relax and to not think, for once.

Should he go to the mall? No. It wasn’t likely that someone might see him, but  _ Neji  _ still worked there, and he would tell Hinata, and somehow Sakura would find out and chew him out. There was an entire part of town he wasn’t going to be able to go on, because his mother would be active around there while she worked. Naruto grumbled as he started his car. Minato’s music bled from the living room to the outside. The windows were open. 

Naruto drove idly in the direction of school for twelve minutes before he realized what he was doing. He rolled his eyes at himself. You’re supposed to have fun today, Naruto said in his mind.  _ School  _ is not fun. School was the opposite of fun. Plus, as he got closer, he could see Hinata’s car parked close to the entrance, and he got a sinking feeling. No, he shook his head. Not today.

He could go to the movies, he could go see a play, he could go swimming, he could go and enjoy those midday prices at some restaurant. But all Naruto wanted to do was sit in grass. Look at the sky. Watch the clouds. Breathe in air. 

So he went to visit the dogs. He had to wear one of those stupid aprons, because he didn’t want to get hair on him. Kushina was allergic to dog hair. 

Naruto laid out on the grass and thought for hours. He thought about Sasuke, and how he loved him. The  _ way  _ that he loved him. It needed to be different. The feeling was there, it really was, but Naruto didn’t know how to make it translate into something that made sense, something that Sasuke could accept. Something he could feel good to give. Right now, loving Sasuke only hurt Sasuke. And Naruto couldn’t blame anyone else for his ineptitude. Definitely not Hinata. She had been  _ different  _ than Sasuke, and she had a right to be. But she hadn’t ever told him that she knew for certain that they would be together; they stayed together all those years because it felt like the right thing to do. Now, it seemed as though he and Sasuke were together just because they knew they would be later. Without really… feeling it. Feeling it the right ways. 

After a few hours of being there, Naruto called his old phone and put it on speaker. He didn’t know when Minato would come to check on him. He panicked a little to think that he hadn’t closed the door behind himself, but Minato wouldn’t come in, anyway. He didn’t want to be sick.

Naruto was rolling around in the dirt with one of the bigger brown dogs when he heard Minato’s voice. It was tinny. “Son? Are you alright?”

Naruto put on another coughing show close to the speaker of his phone. “I don’t know,” he groaned out. 

Minato clicked his tongue. “Oh, you sound worse. I can barely hear you. I’m gonna make you some more—”

“N-no, don’t come in,” Naruto interjected. He fake a retching sound. “I don’t want you to get sick,” he said. 

Minato hummed. “Oh, alright. I suppose I’ll let your mother deal with you, when she gets home. Don’t die, please. You’re important.” And then Minato seemed to have left, so Naruto hung up the call and tried not to yell. It was just  _ exciting,  _ to have gotten away with this. 

He had gotten wanting to lay on the ground out of his system then, and he wanted to go and look at things that weren’t floppy ears and tongues and dog butts. When he got back into his car, he remembered that the museum had a new exhibit, and it was  _ maps _ . 

There was only one real problem with that idea: that was the side of town Kushina was on, since she worked in the mayor’s office. He knew that if she caught him he’d probably never see the light of day again, but he still wanted to risk it. He had to see the maps. They were old, original copies of old world maps that the city had paid a lot of money to obtain. Today was opening day for the exhibit. Kushina had snuck him home that information one day, because she knew how much he loved it.

Before he went across town, Naruto stopped outside of his house again, to check on Minato. He’d moved his cleaning to the back part of the house. It gave Naruto a small prickle of anxiety to think about it, but Minato still wouldn’t notice, right? He’d be fine. He cared way too much about his cleaning to care that the back door was still open. He opened the doors, anyway, when he started using bleach.

Naruto ate  _ junk food. _ He only ever did when he was out and he bought his own food, or he stole from his friends when they had something. Minato insisted upon the importance of home cooked meals; it was his one major contribution to Naruto’s upbringing that Kushina didn’t oversee. They ate at home. Minato cooked every night. He got onto Kushina, when he thought Naruto couldn’t hear, about her picking up something to eat when she was on her way home from work. 

“You knew that I had cooked for you and saved you some,” Minato would say. He sounded disappointed. He liked to cater to her. Kushina would promise that if she did it again, she’d try to tell him first. And maybe ask him if he wanted anything next time. 

Anyway, Naruto ate  _ fries _ . He never remembered how salty they could be until he ate them again. He hummed in satisfaction. He drank  _ soda _ . He had  _ chicken nuggets _ . Today was a good day, so far.

Next, Naruto went to the museum. He decided not to chance Kushina seeing him parked there, so he parked a little ways away and walked. It didn’t cross his mind that among all of the black cars that were there, there was one big red one that he most definitely recognized. He didn’t really… think about it.

Until he heard her voice, and saw her flaming red hair pulled into the bun she always wore to work. There were a lot of cameras in the front of the museum, and Naruto saw his mother standing next to the mayor on his left side. Mayor Senju stood to the side to let Kushina access the microphones. “It is with great honor,” Kushina said, adjusting a few of them so that they were closer to her, “that we unveil today the grand opening of the  _ Around the World _ exhibit, Konoha’s newest permanent exhibit! Admission is free for the first fifty people at the door.”

Mayor Senju’s brother stood by then, and he held aloft the great big scissors used for cutting the great big red bows. Naruto felt sick, really sick. Kushina would be  _ in  _ there while he was in there. But… he’d come all this way, and he wanted to see it. It was his day off. He  _ had  _ to see it. He’d just be sneaky.

Naruto waited until he couldn’t hear Kushina before he started on his way to the door. It was no easy feat. He’d never known so many people in town to be so interested in old, musty maps. He gave an exasperated huff when he finally reached the door.

“Number 49, how lucky! Would you like to enter your name in a raffle for a chance to—”

“Yeah, Uzumaki Naruto,” Naruto said offhandedly. He heard the words  _ your name  _ and said it on impulse. 

Naruto wouldn’t let the stress of Kushina being so close to him change how he enjoyed this, no. He stood before the older paintings in the museum, waiting as patiently as he could for the press to leave the maps alone. He had to follow them, but at a distance. He stayed only so far away that he could just barely hear the camera clicks. So many  _ pictures,  _ so many  _ questions _ . Up the stairs, down the stairs. Naruto was beginning to wish that he’d just looked at the map at the entrance to tell him where the exhibit was. 

Finally, as he stood behind a pillar to hide himself from view, he heard Mayor Senju tell people they were free to go on their way, and if they had any questions to ask Kushina. Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose. Would she ever leave? 

“I think I’m going to take a break really quickly,” Naruto heard Kushina say. “I want to go home to check on my son.” Naruto’s face flushed red with panic. Could they see him, were they mocking him? He peeked out from around the pillar. No, no. Surely, if he couldn’t see them, they couldn’t see him.

Mayor Senju’s brother spoke then. “What’s the matter with him?”

Kushina sighed. “He’s sick at home with Minato. Knowing him, he’s probably loaded the boy with soup and told him to sleep it off.”

If only she knew.

Naruto got the sudden feeling that he couldn’t stay here, in this position. All he’d wanted was to see the maps. Why was this all so hard? He wanted to see them, to lean against the velvet rope that separated him from them, to just barely get a graze of his finger on them. And he wanted to look at them through the glass, and see the ideas the people had before they knew all of the facts. He wanted to be able to see what people thought of the world before they knew what he knew today. He just wanted to see the maps. But his mother and her bosses were standing right in front of what he wanted to see.

“I guess I can call first, see what Minato thinks. I know that I need to stick around for questions. Excuse me.” Kushina came into Naruto’s view then, wearing her heels and her slacks and her green button up shirt. She was so pretty, Naruto nearly stopped thinking. 

When she came to where she might have seen him, Naruto slid around the pillar as noiselessly as possible. He held his breath until he heard her step into a stairwell, and he let it out when he heard the door close. Oh, but what would Minato say? Naruto needed to know. He needed to know if Minato was going to check on him.

So Naruto risked it. He moved swiftly until he could lean against the door of the stairs that Kushina had just gone through. If he just barely pressed his ear to the door, he could hear her speaking to his father.

“Hey, Danna. No, it’s not over yet,” Kushina said. “Can you turn down that music for one moment! Are you cleaning?”

Naruto couldn’t hear Minato, which was annoying. He leaned harder on the door without meaning to.

“Of course you are. Did you already wash clothes?”

Apparently, the answer was a no. 

“Well, don’t bother yet. I need these pants washed. Anyway, how is he? Is he ok? Did you check on him?”

Naruto strained to be able to hear what Minato said, and he could just barely make it out. 

“I check on him. At noon.” Minato paused the Prince playing in the background so that Kushina might hear him better. “He sounded worse. I told him I’d get him more soup, but he told me not to come in. But the boy did take a shower, so at least he’s clean. I told him I’d just wait for you to come and take care of him.”

“Ma, I don’t want to be sick!”

“You’re already sick,” Minato pointed out.

“I don’t want to be  _ that  _ sick,” Kushina specified. “Look, maybe check on him again? I need to know if he should go to the hospital or something. Just, let me know if he’s breathing.”

Kushina hung up then, and Naruto realized he was  _ way  _ too close to the door. She was going to open it in his face, what did he do, what did he do—

“Oh, excuse me,” Kushina said absently, after she had thrown the door open and hit Naruto in the forehead. She didn’t even look behind her to see who she’d hit. Naruto didn’t care. He thundered down the stairs before she thought better of it.

“Gotta get home, gotta get home, gotta get home,” Naruto repeated to himself, over and over. Maybe, if he said it enough times, he’d go faster. He had to get there before Minato came to check on him. 

Naruto was lucky that he didn’t pass by any cops on his way home. He was speeding because he was angry. He hadn’t even gotten to see the maps. All because Kushina had to know if he was ok. He just hoped that she would talk about it. He could go this weekend, he supposed, but it wouldn’t be the same. 

Minato’s music was still blaring by the time Naruto got home. Naruto realized all too late that there would be no way that he could sneak back in the way he’d come. Surely, Minato would have locked it by now, and he’d most likely see Naruto, or hear him, or both. No, Naruto realized, the only way back into the house was his window. 

How had Sasuke done this? In the dark, no less? Naruto felt so  _ heavy  _ as he gripped the lattice underneath his window. He tried to go fast, but he kept slipping. “Fucking shoes,” Naruto grunted. He had just thrown himself through the crack in his window when he heard Minato’s music getting lower.

Naruto had never pulled his clothes off of his body so fast. He crumpled them all in a heap and shoved them underneath his bed. Then, he toed his shoes off and threw them into his closet. As soon as he saw the light on the side of the door getting bigger, he dove into his bed face first, and turned over to face the window. 

“Naruto? I know you told me not to come in, but your mother was worried about you. I brought you some soup. Hey— what happened to your forehead?” Minato stood at Naruto’s bedside in his apron, and he had the same bowl from before, with different soup. He stooped closer to Naruto’s face to examine him, all of his health concerns be damned. 

“Oh,” Naruto coughed, “it’s nothing. I don’t know.” He took the soup and sat with it on his knees. 

“At least you’re not sweating anymore,” Minato said. He dusted himself off when he took a step back from Naruto. His eyes caught Naruto’s old phone on his pillow and he smiled. “I remember taking that from you a million times,” he said. 

“Those aren’t good memories for me,  _ Dad _ ,” Naruto said, but he could smile at them, too, now. How his life had changed since the tenth grade. 

“Do you think you’ll be alright to go to school tomorrow?” 

Naruto shrugged. “I guess.”

“I suppose I’ll leave you. But, wait, tell me. How is Sasuke?” Minato had turned to leave, but he came back into the room when he remembered to ask that  _ question _ .

“Oh, he’s… he’s good. He’s great, amazing. Wonderful.” Naruto began to feel a longing in him, like something gnashing from the bottom of a deep, dark pit. He wanted Sasuke to be with him right now more than ever. Even in spirit, even in his mind. He wanted to know whether or not Sasuke would ever accept his apology for this, and how he was going to articulate how he’d felt before. It didn’t make sense, not even to him, but he had to try. All of the good feelings Naruto had been feeling about today had started to slip away just that fast at the mention of Sasuke. He was silly, a fool. All he wanted was for Sasuke to want him again, to need him like he had before. And this time, Naruto wouldn’t take their time for granted, because it didn’t matter what  _ might  _ happen in the future (even though it was basically guaranteed). What mattered was that Naruto made Sasuke know that he loved him now, now and forever, but especially right now. Because he wanted Sasuke to want him, but he also wanted Sasuke to know that there was real love inside of him, not just something he felt like he was supposed to feel. He couldn’t fake it anymore, not even to himself.

“Finish that up. I’ll be back. I’m going to make something good and hot for dinner.”

Naruto finished his soup and he fell into a light sleep. It couldn’t have been for more than five seconds. He had been having a dream about some sort of animal with pouches when he was jolted awake by the front door slamming. It was Kushina. 

“Where is he, is he still in there?” 

Naruto saw her shadow covering the light of the hallway. “Are you ok, my baby? Let me see you, let me see you.” Kushina rushed into Naruto’s room and pressed little kisses all over his face. “What’s this? Did you fall off the bed?”

“No, Mom,  _ please _ ,” Naruto said, trying his hardest to wrench free of her. Her nose was a little red, and her cheeks were ruddy. When she stepped back from him, she sneezed, and it knocked some of her hair loose from her bun. She pulled all the rest out so that it was just a ponytail.

“Can you walk, will you come down to dinner?”

“Of course I can,” Naruto said, though he tacked a cough on at the end for good measure.

Over dinner, Kushina discussed the new map exhibit at the museum. “It was amazing, really. You should have seen it, Naruto,” she was saying. 

_ I should have _ , he thought with annoyance. “Was it nice?” He made himself sound frail.

“Oh, you would have loved it. The  _ oldest  _ maps, some of them still had a smell. Really up your alley. But, it was the craziest thing.” Kushina leveled Naruto with a look, and he tried not look too stressed. 

“What happened?” Minato asked.

“Well, there was a door prize for the first fifty people who signed up,” Kushina explained. She took a sip of her water and watched Naruto’s hand begin to shake. “I had to stay until the very end of it, I called the names. There were three. Choza… you go to school with Choji, right?”

Naruto nodded slowly. 

“Mm. And then Tobirama, which was pretty funny. Isn’t that funny?”

Naruto nodded again. Stress was beginning to prickle his spine.

“The last name really caught me by surprise.” Kushina’s eyes were just plain evil. Naruto gulped. “Can you guess who it was?”

Naruto shook his head. “N-no, who was it?” He gripped his cup tight so that maybe his hand wouldn’t shake. It was to no avail. Naruto thought he saw Minato laughing behind his hand.

“My  _ knucklehead  _ son, Uzumaki Naruto!” 

Naruto hung his head. 

“I even kept your prize for you, since you were suspiciously gone by that point,” Kushina continued. “It was a ticket to the exhibit, so you could come again for free. But… it doesn’t seem like you’re going to be needing it, right? Since you already saw it.”

“Ok, I was there, but I didn’t see it, really,” Naruto said quickly. “I was so scared that you’d see me, or that someone would recognize me, that I didn’t even look at it.”

Kushina tapped her fingers on the table while Naruto spoke. “I don’t like that you skipped school,” she said, “but we can talk about why you did it later. You just better know that you’re grounded.”

Naruto usually would try to argue, especially now. He was an adult, they couldn’t  _ ground  _ him, but he didn’t even care. He didn’t want to go anywhere, or do anything, if Sasuke wouldn’t come with him. 

In his bed that night, Naruto just kept thinking. He had left his old phone on for the meantime, until it died again. He looked through the music he used to listen to, the apps he used to browse, and his photos.  _ So  _ many pictures of himself and his friends. Sakura, Sasuke, Ino, Hinata. The people he’d known his whole life. It was surreal, to think that right now was his reality, and not the faces he was scrolling through. Countless photos of himself and Hinata, smiling, hugging, kissing, being together. It made his heart twist in a nearly unbearable way. To think that he had thought that he’d loved her, when all that time it had just been… what? Naruto supposed that they’d liked each other, maybe had even been infatuated.

And then, there were the pictures of him and Sasuke. A lot of them were action shots; they used to fight a lot. Sakura was always there to record it, because she was like that. Naruto saw pictures of himself and Sasuke, and Naruto was always looking at the camera, but Sasuke was always looking at Naruto. And in nearly every picture (besides the ones where Sasuke was glaring at him), Sasuke’s eyes held the same  _ look _ . A low heat, something simmering just beneath the surface. It had really been years. Naruto had  _ years  _ to make up for. 

The last thing that Naruto looked through was his messages. He had been feeling a slight dread that only grew deeper, more painful, when he actually opened the app. Of course, there at the top were his parents. They had a family group chat, and Minato had asked Naruto to please remember to add his new phone to it, when he turned it on. The next thread was with Sakura. It was attachments; Naruto opened it to see that she had been sending him the homework. 

The one after that was with Hinata. Naruto didn’t even want to open it, because he knew that it would upset him. He had been so blind, by her  _ words  _ and her  _ body _ , and he didn’t know anything about how he actually felt. He couldn’t blame her, not really. He had just not known any better. He opened it to find that they’d last been talking about Neji, something to do with him and Tenten. Naruto didn’t even remember what half of these things were. There was a lot of ‘baby’ and ‘I love you.’ Eventually, Naruto felt himself getting sick reading it. 

The last thread Naruto opened was with Sasuke. There were a lot of pictures in it, mostly stupid. They cursed a lot less back then. Naruto found himself laughing at Sasuke’s excessive use of the word ‘heck.’ Naruto sighed. He missed Sasuke.

Maybe it was that thought that drove him to text Sasuke. Maybe it was the day he’d had. Maybe it was the fact that, after looking through his old phone, he realized how different a person he was, and he wanted Sasuke to know it, too. He didn’t know. He looked for one of the oldest pictures on his phone that he could find, one that he thought might have even been from middle school, and he sent it first to his new phone and next to Sasuke. 

**Naruto:** **_do you remember this?_ **

It took Sasuke seven minutes to reply to Naruto, though for sure Naruto wasn’t counting. 

**Sasuke:** **_Of course I don’t. Where did you get that?_ **

_ Texting  _ Sasuke was easy. He didn’t have to worry about looking into Sasuke’s eyes and see the hurt there, he didn’t have to hear in Sasuke’s voice that he was upset. It was friendly, and light. And that was how Naruto wanted to keep it.

**Naruto:** **_it’s from my old phone. i turned it back on._ **

**Sasuke:** **_Ah. What did I miss in school today?_ **

**Naruto:** **_i didn’t go to school today_ **

**Sasuke:** **_Really? What’d you do?_ **

**Naruto:** **_i just… took a day off._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don’t really know what went through my head when i did this. i just hope it isn’t too sloppy but i wanted things to be a little lighter bc it was getting a little sad and reminding me of my real life a little. not to be too personal, but the way naruto was acting was the way some dickhead acted to me last year, and my art imitates my life so... sorry for taking it out on nart. he will be better, i promise. sometimes it takes me a while to learn what i’m doing too. it’s peak libra shenanigans. we deal with it.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope everyone enjoyed getting inside of our favorite himbo’s head lol. back to saskeyyyy

It was hard for Sasuke to force himself off of the sofa in the morning. It was ok when he got into the shower, and when he ate breakfast. Sasuke realized that, on his way to school, this was the first time he’d had something going on with Naruto where he didn’t have his medicine. He felt a little sick, to think that before he would have had to have been out of his mind in order to deal with this. But he didn’t have to be, now. He felt apprehension, of course, but who wouldn’t? 

They had texted for hours the night before, well into the morning time. Sasuke kept trying to ask Naruto what he’d done the day before, but he just kept saying he’d tell Sasuke later. Something about it was familiar and easy. Naruto kept sending ancient pictures of them, and it made Sasuke remember a simpler time. A time before he felt so hopeless about where they were headed; a time when the future was unknown, but that was alright. A time before he’d ever had to really think about whether or not being with Naruto was everything he wanted in life. 

**Sasuke:** **_Unless you plan on skipping school again tomorrow, we need to go to sleep_** **.**

It was nearing 3 am when he sent that text and when, not even a minute later, Naruto had replied to him.

 **Naruto:** **_fine, i guess. but can we talk tomorrow?_ **

Sasuke drew his lip between his teeth in the dark. He felt content to not talk about it, to give Naruto more time to think himself through. But he was also a fool. A dolt. An idiot.

 **Sasuke:** **_Yeah, sure. Where, when?_ **

It took Naruto a little longer to answer that question. Sasuke had turned over his phone and had decided to go to sleep when Naruto answered him. 

**Naruto:** **_what about the woods? by my house?_ **

**Sasuke:** **_Ah, sure. After school?_ **

**Naruto:** **_yeah. you just let me know when you’re ready._ **

Taking his first steps into the doors, Sasuke knew that people knew. He knew that whenever people looked at him now, they’d _know_. And that was embarrassing, it was upsetting, but no one made it any worse by saying anything to him. Except for Ino.

“Listen, Sasuke, I’m really sorry,” she said as soon as he got within earshot. She had waited for him at his locker. And _Shikamaru_ was there with her. “I didn’t mean for it to be such a mess, I’m sorry—”

“You’re not gonna make it any better by saying that, Ino,” Shikamaru said, rolling his eyes at her. He turned to Sasuke then and offered him a small nod and what Sasuke could only call a smile. He smelled of smoke and that spicy soap he used. Used to use. Still used. “If you need me to say something, I’ll say it,” he offered. 

Sasuke shook his head. “No one needs to say anything,” he said quickly. “I’m sure that it’ll be gone from people’s minds soon enough. Someone will do something more stupid than this.”

Sakura came up to them then, and she instantly melded to Ino’s side. She gave Shikamaru a weary glance before she addressed Sasuke. “I’m glad to see you here,” she said. “Naruto didn’t come to school either yesterday. I didn’t know if you guys were together. Or, like, if you’d planned that.”

“It was just a coincidence,” Sasuke assured her. At the mention of Naruto, Sasuke felt his breathing pick up in speed. He thought about later today, when they’d _talk_. Talk about what? What would they say to one another, what had Naruto been doing yesterday?

Ino and Shikamaru left them then, and Sasuke walked with Sakura to class, since his was across the hall. “So, what’d you do yesterday?” she asked. 

“I slept a lot, and I talked to Itachi,” Sasuke said automatically. It was what she needed to know. She didn’t need to know any of the other things right now. Or maybe ever, he didn’t know. 

“Oh, how’s he doing? Still doing the… plant stuff?” Sakura asked, uncertainty crossing her face.

Sasuke laughed. “Yeah, the plant stuff. I don’t really know what he’s into. He says if he tries to explain it to me, I wouldn’t get it.” When they got to their classrooms, they were about to part ways in the middle of the hall when Sakura exclaimed something.

“I just remembered. I know you probably want to spend time with your mom next week, but if you can spare, I don’t know, a few _hours_ —”

“Is there a party?” Sasuke asked, exasperated with her beating around the bush. 

Sakura blushed. “Yeah. My parents are throwing a party, a Christmas party. Something nice and _sophisticated_.” Sakura used air quotes around the word. 

“Oh, I don’t know,” Sasuke shrugged. “Think I might just wanna sleep. But… I’ll think about it.” He saw a blond head coming towards him, and it was then that Sakura bid him farewell.

The hallway was clearing out, so Sasuke heard him without any trouble. He still had to do a double take when he turned around.

“Sasuke?” 

“Naruto,” Sasuke said evenly. He held his workbook closer to him. He knew that there was no reason to feel this way, so hopelessly devoted, but he was in so deep. Because he was so beautiful, Naruto was, and Sasuke would always love him even if it hurt. It would never fade, but Sasuke had to make himself ignore it. He closed his eyes for a small moment before he took a step forward to meet Naruto in the middle.

“So you didn’t come to school,” Naruto said. He scratched the back of his neck.

“Ah? You didn’t either,” Sasuke said. It made Naruto laugh. 

“I didn’t… I spent the day with my toads,” Naruto said. The bell rang above their heads. Sasuke grumbled; he knew that was a lie.

“Well. Looks like it’s class time,” Sasuke said. He went to turn around, but Naruto called out to him. 

“So, later?”

Sasuke turned to face Naruto once more. “Yeah. We can talk. But it can’t be for long,” Sasuke added, “because I have to catch on my homework. So do you. To keep your grades up.”

“Yeah. Thank you? Thanks. For saying yes.” Naruto seemed sheepish. Unsure. _Humble._ It was strange, given the way he had been acting before. 

“Sure. Just for a little bit, I mean it,” Sasuke said. The edge in his voice seemed to get across to Naruto, because he nodded and didn’t try to argue.

Sasuke called his mother after school ended to tell her where he would be. “You don’t have to hurry home,” she said, “but I want to show you some of the houses I found. I think you’ll like some of them.” Sasuke promised he wouldn’t be out too long, this wouldn’t be too long of a conversation.

Waiting for Naruto to finish with whatever he was doing after school allowed Sasuke time to think about what he was doing. They would talk, but about what? Naruto had suggested this, so there was something he had in mind. Sasuke just hoped Naruto wasn’t wasting his time with more bullshit, because he didn’t have time for it. He didn’t want to allow himself to _make_ time for it. He had to make himself tell Naruto to stop if he knew it wasn’t going anywhere, no matter how much he wanted to just forget that this had ever happened. He would have to decide to forgive Naruto because Naruto deserved to be forgiven, not because he wanted the future to be perfect. 

One thing stuck in the back of Sasuke’s mind as he drove home. He had seen the proposal, and it had been beautiful, of course. But he didn’t remember seeing himself say _yes_ to Naruto, which begged the question of whether or not he did. At the moment he’d seen it, Sasuke had been positive that he wouldn’t have had any reason to tell Naruto no. Now, he wasn’t so sure. It was the future, yes, but how much do people really change?

Sasuke made sure that he was finished with all of his homework before he sent Naruto a message telling him that he was coming soon. He didn’t want to seem desperate, though he was. He wanted _so_ badly to hear what Naruto had been thinking about, what he’d been doing. He wanted to know that Naruto was really trying to make it work. 

When Sasuke parked in the street in front of Naruto’s house, he began to feel a sort of subtle nostalgia. He had been here so many times before, with the intent of stumbling about in those woods next to Naruto’s house. But before, he’d been running, or biking, and there had only been excitement and adrenaline. Now, there was apprehension, doubt, an _ache_ that was out of place in and amongst the branches of the trees that had grown up so tall since Sasuke had last been underneath them.

Sasuke was a lot taller, too. The trees were grazing his neck and irritating his ears. “Fuck,” Sasuke mumbled as another branch whipped at his face. He was beginning to feel lost, but as he felt his way around the trees he recognized some of the notches in them. He’d made some, Naruto had made others. It was colder than it had been before. Sasuke wished it was _before_.

He found Naruto sitting on the same stump he’d always chosen to sit on. They were about the same height, now, but it made Sasuke’s heart feel erratic to see Naruto there, his legs drawn up underneath himself as he waited for Sasuke to appear.

“Oh! Hi. It’s kinda cold out here,” Naruto said when Sasuke got close enough. Sasuke wanted to kiss him. 

“It is, I guess.” Sasuke shrugged, even though his teeth were almost chattering. “So, you wanted to talk?” Sasuke sat upon his stump, and he didn’t know how Naruto was doing that, sitting with his legs like that. Sasuke felt much too big to be sitting on this tree. It had been dead a long time, now, and he felt like he was two seconds from falling off. He shifted a little on his precarious perch and looked to Naruto expectantly.

“Yeah, I wanted to talk. To tell you what I was thinking,” Naruto said with a nod. “But, first, um. How was your day?”

Sasuke made a face. “Today or yesterday?”

Naruto laughed. “Yesterday.”

“It was fine. I just… slept. A lot. And thought.” Sasuke sighed. “And hoped. How was yours?”

“I snuck out, I went to the museum. I almost got away with it, too,” Naruto said. Sasuke gasped, but before he could ask, Naruto was talking again. “I was a little worried you wouldn’t come, even though you said you would. That you’d, ah, come to your senses. Realize that I’m not worth the trouble.”

Sasuke’s eyebrow quirked. “ _You_ think you’re not worth the trouble?” Sasuke wished that he could agree. “And why’s that?”

Naruto shrugged. “I just don’t know why you have bothered for so long. I… don’t know what you see when you look at me. And I don’t know why you keep wanting to look at me, even when I’m doing ugly things.”

Sasuke shook his head. “Love doesn’t work like that, Naruto. It has taken me a few days to realize that.” Sasuke leaned down to pick up a rock. It was a familiar rock, and he wondered if he’d ever picked it up before as he turned it over in his hands. “I just used to think that you couldn’t do anything wrong, and that even if you were wrong, it didn’t matter. Because I was… seeing things, that were telling me it didn’t matter. And at first, it was nice, nice to know, I guess. It took away the fear of the unknown. But now…” Sasuke let his thought trail off as he tried to gather it again, in a way that made sense. He just had to tell the truth. “Now, I know that you’re wrong, sometimes. And the things that you’re wrong about _hurt_ me, Naruto.”

Naruto looked away from Sasuke then. “I know that I hurt you. And I wish that I was better, better for you and myself. It’s just that—” Naruto sighed in frustration and ran a hand over his face. Sasuke allowed him time to collect his thoughts. 

Naruto turned his head then, completely away from Sasuke’s eyes. “Ever since you told me that we would end up together… I just took that, and I ran with it. You would be with me in the future, eventually, so what happened now didn’t matter. And I know that I was careless, reckless, selfish. Selfish isn’t the word; I don’t know the word. I’m really fucking bad with words. I just took everything you were giving me for granted, because you said you would love me forever. Forever is _forever_ , so who cares what happens now? But I know that I can’t be that way. I don’t know how they work, your visions,” Naruto finally turned to look Sasuke in his eyes again, “but nothing is set in stone. We were together then, in that future, but what about the future after that? I don’t want to have to wonder. And I know that right now, I’m not anyone that you should be with. I’m not the same, and I don’t like the change. And I’m so, so sorry that the person I’ve become has hurt you so badly.”

Sasuke was silent as he processed it. Naruto had just been acting under the assumption that since Sasuke had _seen_ them together, they’d always _be_ together, no matter what happened. No matter how he treated Sasuke. And he had been acting that way because Sasuke had told him one of his greatest secrets, something that he never had to tell Naruto. Something that he wished he’d never told Naruto, something he wished had never happened. If they hadn’t known, Sasuke didn’t think that any of this would be happening. But, no, Sasuke couldn’t blame himself for something he couldn’t help. He was finished doing that. 

“It doesn’t work like that, either,” Sasuke said. Bitter. “You can’t just… do things like that, Naruto. The things you do. They matter, they have weight. You _judged_ me, after I told you something I never wanted to tell you.” Sasuke shook his head and willed himself to not be so weak for Naruto for _two_ seconds. Not even three. Just two. “You judged me for telling my darkest secret, and you acted like something I had nothing to do with was my fault. I got over what you did with her,” Sasuke said. His voice was low at the last part. “I got over that, faster than I wanted to, so that you would see that I am _understanding_ and _caring_ and _selfless_ .” This time, he was speaking up, a lot louder. “And I was so worried about being selfless to you that I stopped worrying about myself. I was _letting_ you treat me like that, because… because what? I saw you ask me to marry you. I didn’t see myself say yes to you,” Sasuke admitted. “I don’t know if I said yes. And right now. I hope that I didn’t.”

The last sentence hung heavily in the air between them. Naruto’s eyes seemed to be looking at something else. Sasuke shuddered as a strong wind blew in his face. He wished that he’d remembered his jacket.

Eventually, Sasuke got tired of the silence. There were still things he needed to say. “I know that you want to be better, and that you didn’t want to hurt me on purpose. You want to be better for me, and yourself. Well,” Sasuke said, “I want to be better, too. Better for my mother, and better for my brother. Better for Sasuke. The _best_ for Sasuke. That’s all I can really focus on right now. Shikamaru told me something on Sunday that I’ve been thinking about.”

Naruto perked up. “What’s that?” There wasn't any judgement or malice in his voice or his eyes. Sasuke appreciated that. 

“He broke up with Temari because he just didn’t love her the way he thought he did. He loved the way that she made him feel ok. But there wasn’t really anything between them. And so, he’s taking time. To be on his own, to figure out who he is, what he likes.” Sasuke paused. “And I think that’s a good idea.”

“Time. Time and space?” The familiar phrase. It didn’t seem so lightly spoken, this time around.

“Yes. Time, and space, and introspection,” Sasuke nodded. “I think that I need time away from you to figure out who I am, when I’m not so deeply in love with you.” Sasuke felt his mouth trembling as he spoke the words, breathed this into existence. “And I think you need time away from me… to miss me,” he said after a pause. “To realize what I might mean to you. And to learn about yourself, too. To learn how to not treat people like this.”

“I know that I’m not the person you want me to be, the person I want to be for you. I wish it was easy. If it was easy, though, I’d already be doing it. Ya know? We wouldn’t have to do this, go through this.” Naruto sighed.

“I guess I know what you mean. But it isn’t going to happen overnight, and I don’t want to influence you. You have to learn on your own that you can’t… be that way. You don’t know how to love me.” Sasuke tapped his fingers against the circular rock as he willed himself to just _say_ it. “And I thought I did, but I don’t know how to love you, either. So we’ll have to figure that out. I have to learn to stop living for you, risking my life and sanity for you. Because you’d never do the same thing for me,” Sasuke said. He felt his heart break as he said it. It wasn’t meant to sound cold, but it came out that way. Naruto looked taken aback, but he didn’t argue with that. There was no way he could; he knew it was true.

“Kinda sucks that I was going to invite you to a Christmas party today,” Naruto said. He looked up at the sky. It was clear and blue, from what Sasuke could see when he mirrored Naruto’s motion. It was a little hard to see, with the near-naked tree branches crisscrossing above them. A perfect day, in any other context.

“I don’t really think I woulda said yes, anyway.” Sasuke tried to laugh, but he couldn’t. “Is that Sakura’s party?” He sighed instead. Naruto nodded, and there was another pause. “My mom is looking for houses,” he eventually said. 

“Houses. Like, you’re going to move?” 

Sasuke shrugged. “Dunno, maybe. Hopefully. Have to get away from Dad.” 

“So are we… not together, anymore?” Naruto asked. “For clarity,” he added, when he saw the look on Sasuke’s face.

It would have been funny, had it been about _anything_ else. “No, Naruto. We aren’t together. We’re… friends. It’s the only thing we’re good at right now. And lemme be clear,” Sasuke said. “I don’t really want to say I forgive you for making me feel like that, after I opened myself up to you and you just…” Sasuke’s eyes lifted to the sky. “You made me feel worse about something I already felt like shit for. So I don’t think I’m quite over that yet,” he explained. 

“However.” And he couldn’t help himself, could _not_ have stopped himself from reaching across the gap between them and pushing Naruto’s hair out of his face. Naruto closed his eyes lightly as it happened, but they flew open when Sasuke withdrew his hand again. “I’m going to trust you. To change. That make sense?”

Naruto nodded, a small and sad movement. “I— yeah,” he mumbled. Sasuke saw Naruto about to say something, but then he closed his mouth as though he’d thought better of it. Naruto shook his head.

“I wish it didn’t have to come to this,” Naruto said sadly.

“ _You_ wish. I prayed.” Sasuke looked at his watch. “Think it’s about time that I head home,” he said. Naruto didn’t move to stop Sasuke when he stood up.

“So we’re friends? We can still talk?” Naruto asked hopefully.

Sasuke placed the rock back at the base of the stump he’d been sitting on. “Yeah. For now. For a while.”

“For how long?” Naruto asked. His voice was tinged with hope, and Sasuke hated to think he was breaking Naruto’s heart, but his was already shattered. If two windows break at the same time in the same place, who knows where all the glass came from? How is it possible to know which window held what? It’s all just glass. Broken glass.

“Until we can figure out how to be the right people for each other,” Sasuke said. “Until we can figure out how to love one another in the right ways, figure out ourselves. As long as it takes. And until then… it has to be over.” Sasuke watched Naruto process what he’d said. He was going to leave Naruto there, but then Naruto called out to him again. 

“Wait, Sasuke, before you go?”

“Hm?”

“I… touched the picture of home so much that it fell off. I need a new one,” Naruto said.

Sasuke’s eyebrows drew together for an instant. “The picture of— on the map I made you?”

Naruto nodded. 

“I suppose I could get you a new one. Think I’ll give it to Sakura tomorrow,” Sasuke promised. 

Naruto stood then, too, and Sasuke was nearly thrown into the same trance he had always been. For years, all it took was a look, or a touch, or a word, and he would forgive Naruto for whatever shit he had done. Naruto was the ocean; Sasuke was the sand. It had always been that way. But no more. Sasuke had made his mind up that if Naruto was to be forgiven, it would be because he had changed. Not because of _words_ , because of actions. Not because of the _future_ , because of the present. 

Sasuke laughed a little at Naruto, and it caused Naruto to frown. “What?”

“You need a haircut,” Sasuke said simply, and then he left Naruto there. It felt like he was leaving a piece of himself there in those woods, dappled by the sunset’s shadows playing through the trees and so _sad_ , but he had to. Or else they would have been two pieces of a terribly fucked up whole that wouldn’t fit together, and would hurt each other in the process of _trying_ to fit together. Someone’s edges were a lot more jagged than the other’s. Whose? Sasuke didn’t know. But he did know that it would be painful for them both, to try to dig into the other just because it’s what they feel like they’re certain is true. They would have to change, to fit one another without resistance.

Knowing that didn’t stop Sasuke from crying the whole way home. He almost wished that he’d just told Naruto they’d work it out, they could be together right now as long as Naruto promised to change now. But that would have been stupid, foolish. Ridiculous. The dysfunction between them had nearly clouded Sasuke’s judgement entirely. 

It just _hurt_ that this meant what Sasuke thought to be the beginning of the end. They wouldn’t lose contact, Itachi said, but it was the end of everything Sasuke had wanted. It had only lasted a few months before everything went off the rails, but it had been the best few months of Sasuke’s stupid life. Kissing Naruto and being held by Naruto when no one else was around was what Sasuke had been breathing for, for 17 years. And now it had to end, because they weren’t right for each other right now.

He had expected them to fight. He almost wished they had, so that he could get that out of the way. That, and whatever emotions came with it. Oh, but they hadn’t, which only meant that they still would. Sasuke gripped his steering wheel hard the whole way home. He reached his house, and he squinted in the red light of the sunset as it painted everything vermillion. There were two cars in the driveway. The car his parents shared, and. 

And Itachi’s. 

Sasuke felt strange parking on the street after he hadn’t done it in so long. Itachi’s car was in his spot. He was beginning to be filled with an overwhelming feeling of something hot, coursing through him. Joy, maybe, or apprehension. He could _hear_ his brother’s voice on the other side of the door before he had even opened it. 

“Sasuke! Surprise!” 

Mikoto came and hugged him so hard that he nearly fell back. Sasuke hugged her back distractedly. “Itachi has come back for the holidays! He didn’t even _tell_ me,” Mikoto said, looking over her shoulder at Itachi, who stood behind them. She released Sasuke when Itachi came closer. 

“Little brother,” Itachi said warmly, almost wetly, like he could cry at any second. He enveloped Sasuke in a tight embrace, and this time Sasuke had the mind to return it. He closed his eyes with it, and allowed himself to feel. He was happy, he had discerned, plain happy. He let himself cry, happy tears. He hadn’t even realized how much he had missed Itachi until this very moment.

Itachi didn’t release Sasuke until Mikoto called their names. “I’m going to make dinner tonight… is there anything anyone wants in particular? Oh, this nearly makes me wish your father was here. For old time’s sake.” Mikoto looked a little sad then, but it was wiped from her face just as fast as it had come. Sasuke and Itachi looked between each other for a moment before they both shook their heads in her direction. 

“I’ll eat whatever you make,” Sasuke said. Itachi just hummed.

“You’ve covered me with the smell of trees,” Itachi noted, looking at his uniform for the first time since he had let Sasuke go. Itachi _looked_ like he worked in labs. He had a fucking pocket protector. 

“Oh, yeah, I. Uh. I talked to Naruto today? We were in the woods. Like we used to,” Sasuke explained. He hadn’t even noticed the smell until Itachi had said something. 

“How long will you be here, son?” Mikoto asked Itachi. It was the first time in a long time that they had eaten dinner at this table, and not in their respective rooms or on the sofa.

“Until the seventh,” Itachi said. Sasuke raised his eyebrows. 

“Such a long time to be away from your… xylem and phloem. Those are things, right?” Sasuke asked, uncertain.

Itachi laughed. “Yes, those are things. I don’t study those, but those are things. And it is a long time. I could be gone longer, I set my own schedule. But I really enjoy what I do.”

“More than you enjoy your family,” Sasuke pouted. 

“No, kid brother, I miss you two dearly every day,” Itachi said. His hand on Sasuke’s made Sasuke feel assured.

“So, Sasuke, have you gotten into anything since I’ve been gone?” 

“Eh. No.” Sasuke couldn’t even lie. 

“Have you ever thought about becoming a teacher?” Itachi asked over the rim of his water. 

“Not for once second,” Sasuke said, shaking his head. “I don’t really like… children. What even makes you say that?” 

“You think that you don’t like children,” Itachi corrected him. “When’s the last time you saw a kid you didn’t like?”

Sasuke shrugged. “I don’t remember?”

“And when’s the last time you helped somebody learn something, really learn something, and it made you feel _good_?” Itachi pressed.

Sasuke scratched his chin. “I taught Sakura about differential equations the other day, and she said she never would have understood it if she didn’t ask me for help. That was nice. And I helped Kiba with his anatomy, he wasn’t really getting it. He made me feel pretty capable, I guess.” Sasuke shrugged. “That’s just helping my friends. I haven’t helped other people if I didn’t have to in a long time.”

Itachi took another sip of his water. “Maybe you should start.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. There was Itachi, who just knew everything. “Maybe,” he said.

“Sasuke taught me about how to file my taxes now that I’m… that we’re. Separated,” Mikoto piped up. 

“Oh, yeah, I guess I did,” Sasuke said, pushing his cabbage around on his plate with his fork. “But you’re my Mom. It’s still not the same thing.”

“Promise me you’ll think about it?” 

Sasuke narrowed his eyes in suspicion as he took a large sip of his soda. “I suppose I will,” he said eventually. 

Mikoto tried to help them wash the dishes, but they insisted that they do it on their own. She turned in early after that, and promised to spend the whole day with Itachi. “It isn’t like I have somewhere else to be…” she said under her breath, but both Sasuke and Itachi pretended not to hear it. 

When Mikoto was asleep and all of the dishes were washed and all of Sasuke’s homework was finished, Sasuke and Itachi sat on the sofa together. There was some documentary about animals on in the background as they spoke in hushed tones.

“So you talked to Naruto today,” Itachi said quietly. Not a question.

Sasuke nodded. He stared straight ahead, though his eyes didn’t see whatever was orange and moving around fast on the screen. “Yeah. I… think I was mature.” But Sasuke couldn’t keep the sadness out of his voice, the _sorrow,_ the _anguish._

“What’s wrong? If you were mature, isn’t that a good thing?” Itachi asked. It seemed he was constructing his sentences carefully. 

Sasuke shook his head. “It broke my heart.”

Itachi drew in a sharp breath beside Sasuke. Sasuke closed his eyes to maybe stop himself from crying. Futile. “It’s just like you told me,” he said, “it couldn’t, it _wouldn’t_ last that way. I felt so broken up, even just sitting there, talking to him. Telling him that it was over, because _he_ needs to change.”

“He does need to change,” Itachi said beside him. Sasuke held his head in his hands as his elbows rested on his knees. He didn’t want to hear it, but he needed to. Itachi drew him up in a loose embrace and Sasuke leaned into it. He didn’t try not to sob then. Itachi pulled him ever closer and stroked his hair, just the way their mother did. 

“I’m happy to see you,” Sasuke said after a long moment of his shoulders shaking and him trying not to wake their mother up. “Even if it doesn’t look like it.” He attempted to laugh, but it sounded frazzled.

“What did he do this time?” Itachi asked. Sasuke fidgeted against Itachi’s chest. 

“He didn’t do anything.”

Itachi held Sasuke away from him to look at him with hard eyes. Sasuke crumpled underneath his gaze. “I mean, I told you what he did, all the things he did. But I was the one who took action this time.” Sasuke recognized the words he was saying, and he knew Itachi did too. 

“What do you mean?” Itachi glanced away in the direction of the TV.

“I told him that until we can figure ourselves out, and figure out better ways to love each other, then we can’t…” Sasuke couldn’t even finish the sentence. He pressed his face into Itachi’s chest again, and he could barely breathe. He wasn’t drawing in whole breaths, he couldn’t. 

“Do you think you will ever come back together?” Itachi eventually asked. This time, his voice was above Sasuke’s head.

Sasuke shrugged. “I think so. I saw something.” He closed his eyes and ruminated on what he’d seen. He had seen Naruto trying to surprise him, and having set up something beautiful for him. He had seen Naruto talking about their life, how far from home they were, and… their family. Family. Family? Sasuke’s eyebrows drew together against Itachi’s pajama shirt. He hadn’t thought about that part too hard before. 

Home. Where would home be, when Naruto was speaking? Home couldn’t be here. Couldn’t be any place Sasuke had ever been. Sasuke probably couldn’t even imagine it. For Sasuke, Naruto was home, so it didn’t matter where they went. 

Wait, home?

“That’s what I forgot,” Sasuke said suddenly. He sat up and tiptoed over to the shelf next to the TV where they kept the photo albums. 

“What’s that?” Itachi asked. 

“I made Naruto something for his birthday, with pictures and stuff. You know how he’s into maps.” Sasuke saw Itachi nod from the corner of his eye. “Yeah, so, I put a picture of the two of us where I marked home, here, but he said he touched it so many times that it fell off, or something. He needs a new one. So I’m looking… aha. This is a good one.” 

It was a picture of them from ten years ago. Sasuke had bandages on his knee, but he was still smiling. Naruto had his thumb up, and he was missing a tooth. Sasuke’s eyes got soft as he looked over it. Mikoto had taken the picture; it was in front of Sasuke’s house. There was a bike in the yard, and a small dog. It reminded Sasuke of a brown Pomeranian he’d held that day with Naruto at the puppy farm; they both had one white paw.

“Is that Diva?” Itachi asked, looking over Sasuke’s shoulder at the book. He pointed to the dog. 

Sasuke laughed. This time it didn’t break off. “Yeah, that’s Diva. Evil little thing,” he said, reminiscing. The dog had really been Itachi’s, if they were going to be honest. She slept in his bed and followed him around and only ever wanted to be near him. Sasuke had always just had his snakes. 

“Whatever happened to her?” Sasuke asked. He searched his memory, but there wasn’t much there. She had been here one day, and had been gone the next. It was a while ago, Sasuke didn’t really remember.

“We gave her away, once you started getting older,” Itachi said. “Father said there was too much going on in the house. I think you must have been starting the fifth grade or something like that.” He sighed. “I miss Diva.”

“Where did we give her to?” Sasuke asked. 

“Uh, somewhere local? Mother would have been devastated if something bad actually happened to her,” Itachi said with a shrug and uncertainty in his tone. 

“Huh. It almost feels like I saw her a few weeks ago,” Sasuke said. 

“Where? How?”

“When I was with him, a while ago,” Sasuke explained. He took the picture from its plastic cover and held it up to get a better look at it. Sasuke hummed.

“Maybe they’re related. Diva’s descendant.” 

“You make it all sound so scientific,” Sasuke scoffed. “You’re probably right, though. I should ask them.” 

“It’s getting late for you to have school tomorrow,” Itachi said.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. He put the book back on the shelf and held the picture close to his heart. “Alright, _Mom,_ ” Sasuke said. Itachi came to him and ruffled his hair. 

“Get to bed, little brother,” Itachi said. 

“Fine. See you tomorrow,” Sasuke said. He closed his eyes when Itachi pecked his cheek, and watched Itachi shuffle down the hall to his room. 

Sasuke wished he was going to spend the day with his mother and brother, instead of going to school. At the very least, he’d caught up on all of his work.

Sasuke traipsed off to his room after staring idly at the TV for at least two minutes. He laid in bed with his eyes glued to the ceiling fan turning above his head for what felt like hours. Tomorrow, there would be some new dynamic between himself and Naruto. He didn’t have any sort of experience with the way he was going to have to treat Naruto. In years past, it had been hard because Naruto didn’t know. Now, Naruto knew. In the past few months, it had been hard because Naruto knew, but they weren’t treating each other right. Now, he’d just have to go back to being Naruto’s friend. Sasuke didn’t really know if he could do that, if he was being honest. But he had to, and he knew that they’d make it work.

Eventually.

But right now was _right now_ , and right now was what mattered.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wine drunk parents! eggnog drunk teenagers! ~confessions!~ the smallest bit of SakuIno! this recipe is called: trash :) i hope you enjoy!

Life had never been so difficult, and so  _ different _ . 

Sasuke was not used to this, having to keep Naruto at a distance. A healthy distance. He couldn’t just go over to Naruto’s house, because he had an idea where it would lead. He didn’t even let himself talk to Naruto for too long in public, because it just hurt too badly. Every day, Sasuke went to school and came straight home, until school ended. He barely talked to anyone, mostly because he didn’t want anyone to ask him what was happening. He didn’t mean to withdraw himself completely, but that’s what Sakura said he was doing.

“I mean, seriously,” she was saying. Her voice was tinny; Sasuke was in the supermarket, shopping for his mother, and the service was bad.

“When’s the last time you, like, laughed? Or even smiled?” Sakura asked. Sasuke rolled his eyes as he inspected the canned peaches for any dents.

“I smiled yesterday, thank you very much,” Sasuke said. School was over for the year. Christmas was in three days, but Sasuke barely noticed that. He was mostly glad that he didn’t have to be in the same building as Naruto for eight whole hours, and  _ know  _ that Naruto was close by, but not be able to do anything about it. Why did being mature have to be so hard? Sasuke wished, just for one day, that they could go back to being children, when nothing mattered except making sure that he didn’t fall off his bike.

“Let me rephrase that. When was the last time you smiled and it didn’t have to do with Itachi?”

“I don’t follow.”

“When’s the last time you smiled because you were doing something you liked to do? Sheesh.” 

Sasuke shrugged, though Sakura couldn’t see him. She had her camera off right now. “Um. Pass?”

“Exactly. And that isn’t good, Sasuke. I understand that you’re hurting—”

“You  _ don’t  _ understand it, and I wish you would stop saying that,” Sasuke said quietly. It wasn’t that he was angry at Sakura, he wasn’t. She hadn’t done anything but tell him something he supposed he did need to know. And she was his best friend, alongside Naruto. It was just that, she kept saying to him that she understood how he felt. Sasuke knew for a fact that Sakura could not possibly be empathizing with him right now.

“You know what I meant. I’m just saying that I’m taking that into consideration as to the reason why you might be acting like the world completely doesn’t exist outside of your brother,” Sakura clarified. Something on her end was scratching. Probably her evil cat. That was the only sound that passed between them as Sasuke went about checking things off the list his mother gave to him. It was a comfortable silence.

“We know him,” Sakura said eventually.

“Hm?” Sasuke adjusted his glasses and in the process he jostled one of his earbuds. “What’d you say?”

“We know Naruto,” Sakura repeated. Sasuke always felt his heart beat stupid whenever someone said Naruto’s name.

“We know what about him?” Sasuke was trying to figure out the difference between sugar-free and no sugar added and which one Mikoto wanted, so he was distracted.

“We know who he is, who he’s always been. Have we ever seen him… delineate from that person? Has he  _ ever  _ changed?”

“Sure. Before he dated Hinata, he was a whole person. And then he was half of a unit.” Sasuke tilted a jar pasta sauce to read the nutrition facts. “And now, he’s just… Naruto. He’s Naruto, but a different sort of Naruto, I guess. He’s definitely changed before. He wasn’t like  _ this  _ before.” Sasuke tossed the jar into his cart. Curling his fingers around the handle of the cart reminded Sasuke of a while ago, in the summer. When he’d broken his arm, flying in the air. He closed his eyes tight for a moment and let out a shaky breath.

“I guess you’re right. You just can’t be blind, Sasuke. Or naive. Just because you love him,” Sakura said. Sasuke heard a voice calling Sakura. 

“Oh, my mom wants me to help her set up for the party. Are you sure you can’t come? Your mom’s invited too, and Itachi! Everyone’s invited.” Sakura’s voice sounded far away.

“ _ Everyone _ includes Naruto and Kushina and Minato? Hinata and Hiashi and Hanabi? Ino and Inoichi? A long list of people that I don’t want to see right now,” Sasuke said. He knew that maybe he was being dramatic, but _ come on _ .

Sakura sighed. “I… see. Maybe ask your mom if she wants to come, at least? My parents are hoping to see her, since they heard about the divorce.” 

The divorce.  _ The divorce. _

“I’ll ask her.”

When Sasuke got home, the first thing he did was  _ not  _ ask Mikoto whether or not she wanted to go to that party, but instead he went to see Itachi outside.

“Sasuke. It’s cold out here, where’s your jacket? Your sleeves, at least?” Itachi had a clipboard, and he was scratching things off as he moved among his plants.

“I forgot, it’s so hot inside the house. I’m wearing socks?” Sasuke came closer to Itachi. “What’re you doing?”

“Observing,” Itachi said. “You’ve taken really good care of them, so far. Where’re the old ones?”

Sasuke jerked his thumb behind him. “I put ‘em in a bucket,” he said. Sasuke sat on the bench outside and sighed lightly. 

“Are you alright? You sound upset,” Itachi said. He moved between the rows slowly, ticking things off for some and writing longer sentences for others. 

“I’m fine. Sakura invited us to this party her family is throwing, for the holidays,” Sasuke said. “As a family,” he added.

“That sounds nice. Is it tonight?”

Sasuke shook his head “Tomorrow. I don’t really want to go.”

Itachi stopped his scribbling. “Tomorrow? That’s funny. Mother was talking about cooking something for some gathering she was invited to. She mentioned you, and myself. You said that Sakura’s parents are throwing this?”

Sasuke nodded and tried not to fidget. 

“I think we’re going  _ anyway, _ whether you wanted to or not.” Itachi found it  _ funny _ . “Looks like you’re going to have to find something nice to wear.”

“What?  _ Mom _ !”

But still, Sasuke found himself standing next to Sakura’s fireplace with a glass of something purple clutched in his fist the next day. Grape juice, or something. He was wearing a sweater over his only clean button down shirt, and hoped that the colors weren’t too garish together. Mikoto was laughing with Kushina and Mebuki. Itachi was mingling with the older kids, Tenten and Lee. Their presence told Sasuke that Neji was lurking around here too, somewhere.

And Naruto, Naruto was here. Sasuke didn’t know  _ where _ , but he knew. 

“I’m so glad you decided to come,” Sakura said at Sasuke’s left, startling him and nearly causing him to spill his drink onto the rug. 

“Shit— shoot,” Sasuke breathed. “Why don’t you say anything before you sneak up on someone?”

Sakura laughed. “Sorry. I thought you’d hear me.”

“Yeah, yeah. I didn’t decide to come, my mom decided to bring us here,” Sasuke corrected. “I guess she needed this. To laugh with people that care about her, when she’s going through all of this stuff. And…” Sasuke squinted in Mikoto’s direction, “to drink wine in the day time.”

Sakura smiled. “Yeah, I thought it would be nice for her. I’m not really sure what about this qualifies as a ‘party,’ but I’m glad so many people accepted our invitation.”

“Who could say no to the Harunos? Your mom is, like,  _ the  _ psychologist,” Sasuke said. It was true. Mebuki Haruno’s client list included the likes of Hashirama and Tobirama Senju, and nearly everyone else who worked at city hall, to name a few people. Naruto’s mother saw her, too, on a once-a-month basis.

“Eh.” Sakura shrugged. “She psycho-analyzes everything around the house. I moved a vase too far to the left? Must have been my Id. My father takes a few seconds to answer a question? Early stages of mental degradation. It gets old.”

Sasuke supposed this was true. Fugaku was always bringing his work home with him (in more ways than one), so Sasuke knew more than he would ever want to know about the  _ police force  _ and how ‘rotten defense attorneys’ were going to be the death of this city.

Something in the lull in conversation made Sasuke’s mind drift to his visions again. He was inevitably going to start thinking about Naruto again, but right now he was just thinking about the visions themselves. He’d only ever told Naruto, and his family knew because they’d found out one way or another. He had been feeling bad for the past week, because he loved Sakura just the way he loved Itachi, but she  _ didn’t  _ know. And right now wasn’t the right time, but Sasuke didn’t know when there would be a good time to tell her. He felt selfish, to not tell her something so important.

“Hey, there’s something I’ve been meaning to—” Sasuke was about to say, but then Ino came over to them. She had a sparkly blue bag shoved underneath her armpit.

“This is such a grand affair,” Ino said in a fake accent. She was holding a glass filled with something light colored. 

“What’s that?” Sakura asked, pointing to Ino’s cup. 

“Eggnog?” She lifted it up and twisted it around a few times. 

“Wait, really? Where’d you get that?” Sasuke asked.

Ino pointed to the doorway that led to the kitchen. “In there, there’s a big bowl of it.” She turned back to Sasuke then and offered a genuine smile. “I just wanna say sorry again, ya know.” She waved a hand in the air, and her red fingernails caught Sasuke’s eye. “For being such a gossip.”

Sasuke shrugged. “It was a week ago. Who even remembers?”

(Everyone remembered. Sasuke had a hard time thinking of anyone who would forget this so fast, but. He didn’t want to make Ino feel bad right now.)

Ino’s face still held the same expression as she reached up and smoothed down her bangs. It wasn’t lost on Sasuke the way that Sakura’s eyes followed Ino’s every move. “Still,” Ino said, “I get the feeling you weren’t too happy about it.” Something about the way Ino was talking was a little odd, but Sasuke didn’t really know her well enough to comment.

“I wasn’t, but I have bigger problems right now,” Sasuke said. His voice trailed off when he saw Naruto across the room, going into the kitchen. For the life of him, Sasuke could never be too smart for too long.

“If you two would excuse me,” Sasuke said abruptly, leaving the two of them where they stood so that he could weave through the gaps in the conversing groups. Sasuke made himself go slow, take a breath, and then completely stop in the doorway. 

There was Naruto, his eyebrows drawn together in concentration as he worked on ladling an appropriate amount of the grape juice into his cup. His eyes flicked briefly to the doorway for a second, but when he realized it was Sasuke he stopped what he was doing to give Sasuke proper attention.

“Hey, Sauce. Can you help me with this? This is the nicest floor I’ve ever set my feet on, I don’t want to spill this shit— ah, stuff,” Naruto said. He glanced up to see whether or not Choji’s father heard him, but he was wrapped up in a conversation with Inoichi and Shikaku. Sasuke felt a strange twinge in his heart when he saw Shikamaru’s father just  _ there _ . 

“You’re an adult,” Sasuke said, coming over to stand next to Naruto. Impossible to not  _ feel  _ him at this proximity. He smelled like trees, a little bit. He’d been outside. “You can’t dip that thing into the juice and put it in your cup without spilling it?”

“You try it,” Naruto said, rolling his eyes. He handed Sasuke his cup and Sasuke did  _ not _ start to blush because his fingers brushed the back of Naruto’s hand. He simply didn’t.

Sasuke knew that Naruto was watching him closely, but for a moment Sasuke pretended Naruto wasn’t there. It  _ wasn’t  _ a hard thing to do, to put the ladle down into the grape juice, and it was nearly easier to pour it into Naruto’s cup.

“You’re worried about the floor,” Sasuke said, handing Naruto his cup back, “but you were pouring it over the floor. Pour it over the bowl next time. I won’t be in here to save you.” 

Sasuke took his own cup to the sink, and he got a new one and filled it with eggnog. Naruto was speaking as soon as Sasuke got close enough to hear.

“So,” Naruto said. Sasuke thought that was the beginning of a sentence, but it seemed to be the entire thought Naruto was trying to express.

“So?” Sasuke smacked his lips a few times after taking a sip of the eggnog. It was… tangy wasn’t quite the word he was looking for, but he kept drinking it.

“How are you?” It was awkward, the way Naruto asked it. They really hadn’t been speaking, so Sasuke figured Naruto actually wanted to know, but it felt weird all the same.

“I’m fine,” Sasuke said. “Mom’s been showing me some nice houses, ah, Itachi came home. He’s a real scientist now. Kinda jealous,” Sasuke said, and he lifted his left shoulder in a shrug. He didn’t have very much to report that wasn’t  _ and I miss you more every second, we can work it out, things don’t have to make sense right now, they’ll make sense later _ . He couldn’t possibly say any of that, so he took a larger sip of his drink to occupy his mouth.

Naruto nodded. “I see. She’s serious about moving, huh?” His voice betrayed what his eyes tried to hide. “Suppose it’d be for the best. But, uh, Itachi being home is good. I know that makes you happy. I saw him, I think.”

Sasuke nodded and hummed until he could talk again. “Yeah, he’s out there somewhere. But I don’t really know why.” Sasuke ran a finger over the water that was accumulating on the outside of his cup. “He’s a lot older than us, even the guys who graduated last year, but he’s a whole lot  _ younger  _ than the parents.” 

“They probably just didn’t want to be rude. It’d be weird to invite you and your mom but not him. He’s in town, so.” Naruto finished his cup and turned a weary eye to the bowl again. 

“… There he is,” Sasuke heard from the doorway, and he saw Kushina. She was leading a group of mothers to Naruto. Sasuke moves out of her way before he was shoved. When Kushina got to Naruto, she wrapped a strong arm around his shoulders. 

“My boy, he’s going to sign in the springtime.” Kushina has never grinned so wide. All Sasuke saw was  _ Naruto _ when she did. She turned to Naruto then, and completely ignored the growing flush on his face. “What day is it again, son? Tell them.”

Naruto cleared his throat. “It’s, uh, March twenty third. In the gym. During school.”

It occurred to Sasuke that before that moment, he hadn’t known what day Naruto would be signing. He’d been living in what one might describe as a fantasy. Every time it creeped into his mind, Sasuke pushed it away and reminded himself that he didn’t even know  _ when  _ Naruto’s new life would begin, and he didn’t  _ need  _ to. Because really, if he didn’t know when, would it really ever?

Sasuke tried his best to keep a straight face as Naruto spoke. He should have left, he knew, but something made his feet stay where they were. Perhaps the fact that the doorway was completely blocked.

“What school is this for?” Mebuki asked this, over her glass of white wine. 

“Um, UNC? In North Carolina. Go Tar Heels,” Naruto said, waving an unenthused fist in the air. No one but Naruto caught Sasuke’s snickering.

“You’re going to have to start classes after that, too? So exciting. You’re becoming a real life adult,” Ms Senju praised Naruto. She was leaning a little heavily on her fiancé. Sasuke’s eyebrow quirked for a moment before he remembered that Kushina and Tsunade were… related? Somehow. They’d never really looked too much into it, Kushina said, because she didn’t want to be related to her boss. 

“Yes.  _ Classes _ . I don’t even really know what I wanna do. I guess geography. But we’ll figure that out whenever it comes,” Naruto shrugged. 

Kushina looked upon Naruto with great pride. “That’s my boy,” she said softly. She looked as though she wanted to ruffle his hair, but there was gel in it, so she refrained. Sasuke also noticed that Naruto had not gotten that haircut.

Some sort of commotion in the den made the mothers have to leave. Naruto let out a breath that Sasuke hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

“Are you ok?” Sasuke asked, coming back to stand close to Naruto. Close enough to feel. Close enough to smell. Close enough to  _ touch _ . He made himself another cup of eggnog to occupy his hands.

“Hm? Oh, yeah. It’s nothing.” Naruto dismissed Sasuke’s question easily. 

Sasuke cut his eyes in Naruto’s direction. “I thought we were done lying to each other,” Sasuke said.

Naruto huffed. “I— we can talk about it later. Now’s not the time,” Naruto said. His voice held a finality to it that told Sasuke not to press him.

“Speaking of  _ later _ ,” Sasuke said, and he noticed that his words were beginning to slur, “when’s this thing over?” He looked at the cup in his fist with his eyes narrowed. There was something not  _ right  _ about it, but he couldn’t stop himself from drinking it.

“I think Sakura said around 3.”

“What time is it now?”

Naruto lifted his wrist to check his watch. He grumbled. “It’s 1:30.”

They walked outside of the kitchen together, and saw that there were only adults left in the den. A vase had been swatted down off of a shelf by the demon cat, and Mebuki was surrounded by people as she explained what  _ must  _ have been going on in that cat’s mind to make him do it. “Where are the rest of them?” Naruto asked. Sasuke pursed his lips. He saw his mother sitting on the sofa with Minato and Kushina, and he went over to her. 

“Mom?” Sasuke put his hands on her shoulders from where he stood behind her. 

Mikoto jumped to attention. “Huh? Oh, it’s Sasuke,” she said. Her face was ruddy and Sasuke could tell she was a little drunk. They all were; Kushina was making faces at Minato and he was giggling. 

“Yes, it’s me. Where are my friends?” Sasuke asked. Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose when Minato snorted at a face Kushina made. 

“They’re, where are they?” Mikoto turned to Kushina and caught sight of the face she was making, and she laughed loud and obnoxiously. 

“Oh my God,” Sasuke mumbled. “Mom, Ma, where are they? Anybody?”

“They went outside,” Minato said, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Sak’ra and  _ Ino _ and the Hyuga kid,” he supplied. 

“Which one?” Naruto asked. 

“The… boy? Yeah. The cousin. What’s-her-face is here, too. Purple girl.  _ Hinata _ ,” Minato said, snapping when it finally came to him. 

“Thanks, Dad,” Naruto said, rolling his eyes in exasperation. He turned to Sasuke and ignored their drunk parents. “D’you wanna go out there?”

Sasuke didn’t. It was cold, and there were people out there that he didn’t want to see. He shook his head. “Not particularly,” he said. 

Naruto let out a breath. “I didn’t really want to, either.”

There were a lot of things that Sasuke could think of to pass the time. Talking. Whispering.  _ Kissing _ and  _ touching  _ and—

“What do you wanna do? I don’t think anyone’s gonna come looking for us,” Naruto asked, bringing Sasuke’s mind from the gutter it was spiraling into. They were in the kitchen again.

“We can just, like. Talk,” Sasuke offered. “I want some more of this, first.” Sasuke held up his cup.

“It’s not even empty yet. What’s in there, anyway?” Naruto eyed Sasuke’s glass. 

“Mm. Eggs. Nog. Milk, something else. It’s got an  _ edge _ . Very tasty,” Sasuke said in a serious tone.

“Let me see,” Naruto said. He took the glass from Sasuke with little resistance and finished it. “There’s alcohol in this,” he said immediately.

Sasuke’s eyebrows drew together. “There’s what?” 

“Whiskey,” Naruto said. He laughed then. “You’re, like, tipsy.” 

Sasuke made a face. “No I’m  _ not _ ,” he said, putting his hands on his hips. 

“Alright, whatever you say,” Naruto said, putting his hands up in defeat. “No wonder Ino was acting so  _ crazy _ . Hey, hey. Don’t drink any more of that,” he said, and he took the glass from Sasuke’s hand when he tried to refill it.

“No fun,” Sasuke pouted. 

Naruto rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. “Do you think Sakura would mind if we went to her room?”

“I don’t wanna go up there,” Sasuke said. He watched Naruto’s face fall, and he was confused, before he realized that he hadn’t specified why. 

“I don’t like her cat. It’s evil.”

Naruto snorted. “Come on,” he said, and he took Sasuke’s hand tight.  _ Oh,  _ Sasuke almost said, but he didn’t. Mostly because his mind wouldn’t allow him to think of how to speak right now. Maybe he was a little tipsy. Just a little.

Sakura’s room was very large and very pink. It smelled gently of the perfume she used every morning. There were pictures in frames all over. She had a big bookshelf built into the far wall that went from the floor all the way to the ceiling. She had a window seat, where she did her homework, and a queen sized bed with pink, purple, and white sheets. On the walls were more pictures and posters. Some were hung up, and some were taped on. There were also certificates from varying years, ranging from elementary all the way to high school. Sakura was very smart. She had a lot of stuffed animals strewn around the place; on her desk, in the window seat, on the bed, on the bookshelf. Her cat wasn’t anywhere to be found, which Sasuke was grateful for.

“Can’t mess up her bed,” Sasuke said. He crossed his arms and stayed in the doorway while Naruto toed his shoes off and flopped onto Sakura’s comforters.

“We won’t. Come here.” Naruto sat up and made space for Sasuke on the bed. It felt  _ naughty  _ to be up here, with Naruto of all the people, while their parents were downstairs and their friends were outside, mingling and such. But Sasuke had never much had a mind for mingling. He quite enjoyed Naruto’s company a lot more than anyone else’s, even given the circumstances.

Sasuke had to sit on the floor to take his shoes off, because he didn’t have the coordination to do it standing up. He thought maybe he should close the door, but that would just  _ open  _ the door for something untoward to happen. At least, if the door was open, there was a chance someone would catch them if they started doing something they shouldn’t. 

Sasuke fell onto the bed next to Naruto and dug his head into one of Sakura’s stuffed Pokémon. It was blue. It looked like a crocodile. It was cute. Sasuke liked it. He held it close to his chest and laid his head on one of Sakura’s pillows, instead. He felt Naruto near him, but there was nothing he wanted to do about it. He liked this, this lazy proximity. His mind was a little clouded, but if he closed his eyes he could pretend that they were anywhere else, at any other time.  _ Together _ , and happy.

“I can tell you, now,” Naruto said. His voice was behind Sasuke’s head, but it didn’t sound too close. 

“Tell me what?” Sasuke asked.

“Why I was a little upset earlier. When my mom was making me talk about college,” Naruto explained. Sasuke turned to face him, keeping the little blue thing close to his chest so that he didn’t reach out for Naruto and latch onto him.

“Oh, yeah. What happened? It sounded like it was all good things, I didn’t know why you weren’t happy about it.” Sasuke was speaking carefully, trying to keep his words from slurring too bad.

“It’s just. I don’t know,” Naruto said, shaking his head. “I don’t like thinking about it, about ‘starting my new life’ as an adult, as a college student, as an athlete.” He craned his neck to look at Sasuke. “I don’t wanna start a new life, and everyone just keeps talking about it. I just want to stay here and look at maps. And be with you.” 

Sasuke closed his eyes when Naruto let the last sentence pass between them. No, no, this wasn’t supposed to be happening this way. This wasn’t supposed to be happening  _ at all _ . Sasuke was supposed to avoid situations where this could happen. What was even happening, right now? All Sasuke knew was that this felt good, and he was happy. But those were foolish thoughts. 

“Stop it, Naruto,” Sasuke forced himself to say, and he kept his eyes closed. He couldn’t look right now, couldn’t see the  _ longing  _ that he knew he’d find in Naruto’s eyes.

“I’m serious,” Naruto said.

Sasuke’s eyes fluttered open. “I know you are.” There was an idea tugging at the back of Sasuke’s mind, something a little bad. He wished that he could blame it on the drinks he’d had, but he’d been thinking about this for a week now. Maybe he shouldn’t say it. No, he  _ knew  _ that he shouldn’t say it.

“What’re you thinking about?” Naruto asked. Sasuke felt Naruto’s thumb swipe across his bottom lip again, and he shivered.

“You,” Sasuke said instantly. “Your stupid face. Your stupid voice. You’re such a loser.”

“I’m stupid, huh? A loser?”

Sasuke nodded. “Biggest loser I know,” he said.

Naruto withdrew his hand from Sasuke’s face, and it made Sasuke pout.

“Somehow, I don’t believe you really think that,” Naruto said. 

Sasuke pushed the blue crocodile into Naruto’s face. “You  _ know  _ that I think that.”

“Blah blah blah,” Naruto said. He caught hold of the toy and wrenched it from Sasuke’s hands. Sasuke’s fingers closed around air and he made his best angry face when he realized what Naruto had done.

“Give it back,” Sasuke said petulantly.

“Make me,” Naruto whispered.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “Don’t say things you don’t mean,” he said in a hushed tone. He gasped when he felt Naruto’s fingers curling around his wrists, and the weight of Naruto slotting itself on top of him.

“I mean it,” Naruto replied. The smile on his face was  _ devilish _ . Sasuke was enthralled, and there was nothing he could do. But he didn’t want to do anything.

Sasuke drew his lip between his teeth as he felt Naruto’s one hand wrap around both of his wrists. His arms stretched up higher because of Naruto’s shifting hold on him.

For a while, they just looked at one another, breathing deep and searching. Sasuke thought that it would be impossible for Naruto to not hear his heart beating. 

“Thought you were gonna make me?” Naruto said in a mocking tone. “And you told  _ me  _ not to say things I didn’t mean.” 

Naruto released Sasuke’s wrists and slid off of him. Sasuke snatched the little blue thing back from Naruto and held it close to himself again. “You can’t just  _ do  _ things like that, asshole,” Sasuke said weakly. How close he’d been to leaning up, or making trying to make Naruto lean down. Close the gap.

“You didn’t seem to be complaining,” Naruto said. His eyes were on the ceiling, and his face grew serious again.

“I really don’t want to leave, Sasuke,” Naruto mumbled. “It’s just getting closer and closer. March twenty third. That’s in, what, exactly three months from today. And then, within that  _ week _ , I’m going to have to leave here. Leave everything I’ve ever known, and start college. I know what I’ve always said, but now I don’t want to leave. This is  _ home _ . Home. My heart is here.”

Sasuke felt sad, too. Naruto would be gone, but he’d be doing new things, meeting new people, learning about the world just the way he always wanted to. And Sasuke would be here, with no one but his mother and maybe Sakura to keep him company while he figured himself out.

“It won’t be for that long, maybe. Only three, four years, and then you can choose what you wanna do next,” Sasuke said. His eyes were on the wall, on a picture of Sakura and Ino. They were nice together.

“Three or four years is a lifetime, Sasuke,” Naruto complained. “I don’t even know how I made it through high school.  _ More  _ school, and on top of that I have to play in games, and I have to be away from my family, and my friends, and my heart. And then, what if I don’t go pro? It’ll be a waste of time, a big fat waste of time. But what if I  _ do _ ? I don’t even know what’s worse!” 

Sasuke sighed. He wished Naruto wouldn’t say that, about his heart. “But you’re going to travel, all across the country. Well, within your division, or whatever. I don’t really know too much about how it works. But, Naruto,” Sasuke said, and he turned again so that he could see Naruto’s face. He sat up a little and leaned on his elbows, so that Naruto would have to look up at him. “It won’t be bad. You’re going to have fun, I know you will. And you don’t need to worry about me so much, because I’ll figure it out eventually.”

Naruto didn’t seem convinced. Sasuke watched Naruto’s eyes as he reached out and gripped Naruto’s hand. He placed their twined fingers over Naruto’s heart. “Keep me here,” he said, “and you’ll never be alone.”

“Ex _ cuse _ me, what the hell are you guys doing in my room?” 

Sakura was standing in the doorway, with Ino glued to her side. Sasuke sat up a little too fast and rubbed the side of his head when he got dizzy. He cast his eyes to the window. It really didn’t feel like they’d been in here for that long. “We weren’t doing anything,” he said quickly. “We were just talking.”

“They were  _ canoodling _ ,” Ino said. She wiggled her eyebrows just the way Naruto did sometimes before shoving her face into Sakura’s neck. Sasuke remembered that she’d had some of the eggnog, too.

“We weren’t canoodling,” Naruto said. “I’ll have you know, Sasuke is a very  _ loud  _ canoodler, so you would have been able to—”

Sasuke slapped his hand across Naruto’s mouth. “That’s enough outta you. Where is everybody?”

“Gone, mostly. Only your parents are left. And they’re  _ out  _ of it,” Sakura said. “Itachi is here too, of course. You’re going to have to drive your mom home, because there’s no way she should be behind that wheel.”

“Seriously? I don’t even remember the last time my mom had the  _ time  _ to be wine drunk,” Sasuke said with annoyance. 

“No better than this one,” Sakura said. She dragged Ino along with her into the room and sat her in the window seat. “I can’t believe my dad put whiskey in that eggnog, and didn’t tell anyone,” she said under her breath. 

“It was yummy,” Ino said. When Sakura tried to stand up straight, Ino caught hold of the collar of Sakura’s dress and held her close. “No,” she whined.

“Uh, I hate to do this, guys,” Sakura said from where she stood in her awkward position, halfway bent over with the curtains falling over her back, “but she’s not gonna let me go. So…”

“Yeah, ok. We get it, we’ll go.” Naruto said. 

“Aw, damn it,” Sasuke mumbled to himself on their way out of the room. He’d meant to tell Sakura about his visions, but then his mind had been drawn to other places.

“What, what happened?” Naruto asked.

“Nothing, I just… thought about how I’m going to have to throw my mom into the backseat of the car,” Sasuke said quickly. 

Naruto didn’t seem to notice. “Oh, yeah. You have mom. I have mom  _ and  _ dad,” he complained.

When they got to the bottom of the stairs, Itachi was trying to help Mikoto stand up. She was willing enough, but she didn’t seem to have the coordination. Itachi caught sight of Sasuke and Naruto, and he called out to them. “Can you give me a hand, little brother?”

Sasuke helped Itachi get Mikoto to stand, and they each kept a hand on her shoulder as they walked her to the car. “I think I’ll drive,” Itachi said. 

“Yeah, that sounds good,” Sasuke said, nodding. 

“Hey!” Naruto stood in the doorway of Sakura’s house, waving one of his arms way above his head. He had Minato by the collar with his other hand. “There’s two of you, can you help me?”

Naruto’s parents were a lot rowdier. Kushina just didn’t  _ want  _ to stand up, and Minato  _ couldn’t.  _ “You guys are too old for this,” Naruto said under his breath. It took both Sasuke and Naruto to convince Kushina to stand up, and that was after they’d gotten Minato into the car.

“Mom, your husband is in the car,” Naruto tried. His voice was desperate as he tugged on her arms.

Kushina lifted her head. She had put her hair in a bun, but now it was a ponytail. “Da-nna,” she said slowly, turning her head left and right. “Minato,” she wailed. Itachi got hold of her underneath her arms, and Naruto helped him stand her on her feet. 

“He’s out there,” Naruto said, like he was talking to an animal. “You have to come with me, or you can’t get him.”

Kushina’s eyebrows drew together. “Minato,” she repeated, over and over. 

“Yeah, Minato. Out there,” Naruto said. He pointed out the door. “D’you wanna let us help you? Help you get to Minato?” 

Sasuke couldn’t offer much help this time, but he still made sure Kushina didn’t trip on anything, and that the door was open when they finally got her there. Which was a hard task in and of itself, because Minato took the open car door to mean an opportunity to escape. He kept trying to shove past Sasuke, until eventually Sasuke just sat next to him so that there was no way he could get around him. 

Naruto sighed a heavy breath when they shut the backseat doors on Minato and Kushina. They were wrapping around each other until Sasuke could barely tell where one of them ended and the other began. Naruto made a face. “Gross,” he said.

“Thanks for help me,” Naruto said to both Itachi and Sasuke. 

Itachi shook his head. “It’s nothing, really. Whoever thought that letting people at their age drink wine in the middle of the day was a good idea?” He chuckled. “I’m going to keep Mother company. Sasuke,” he fixed Sasuke with a look that told him to hurry up.

Sasuke nodded. “Thanks.” Then he turned to Naruto, who was looking at him expectantly. “I don’t really think I  _ should  _ have gone up there with you,” Sasuke threw his thumb over his shoulder, “but I’m glad that I did.” 

Everything about Naruto’s face was soft. The look in his eyes, the smile on his lips. “I’m glad you did too. Glad we could talk. It feels like I haven’t spoken to you in a long time.”

Sasuke sighed, and his eyes went down to look at some of the gravel that his toes shifted. “I haven’t really spoken to anyone,” he admitted quietly. “I just… I don’t want to. What’s the point?” He looked back up at Naruto’s face. “But I can’t be that way,” he said. “That’s the  _ opposite  _ of what I’m trying to do with myself right now. It’s just a little hard.”

“I wish you’d talk to me,” Naruto said, before he could stop himself, it seemed. “I mean, I wish we talked more? In general,” he amended his statement. But it was too late, Sasuke already knew what he meant.

Sasuke pursed his lips as he thought of what to say next. He could leave it at that, and he probably should have. But he still found himself saying, “We can talk more. Just a little more. I find it’s a lot easier to know how I’m feeling if I say it out loud. Or, uh. Tell someone. So.”

Sasuke’s eyes grew wide when Naruto reached up and got his fingers into the hair at the back of Sasuke’s neck. “That’s alright with me,” he said quietly. “Anything you can give me. I want you to trust me.” 

“Naruto—”

“Shh,” Naruto shushed him and let him go. Sasuke hadn’t realized he’d been leaning up until he fell back off of his toes. “Take her home,” Naruto said. Sasuke turned his head to see Mikoto had disappeared in the backseat. She was probably lying down.

“You need to take  _ them  _ home, before they start taking their clothes off,” Sasuke said of Minato and Kushina. Naruto turned his head fast and squinted in the direction of Kushina’s big red car. From what Sasuke could see, she was covering Minato entirely from view because she was on top of him.

“Fucking sick. Ok, yeah. You can call me, ya know,” Naruto said. 

“Yeah, I know. Maybe I will.” Sasuke felt a part of him ripping off  _ hard _ , like picking at a scab or ripping off a fresh bandage. It hurt to walk away from Naruto, just the way it always did. But when he slid into the passenger’s seat of what used to be his parents’ car and was now just Mikoto’s, he felt a little bit more ok. He was with his family. That was enough for now.

“I have been thinking,” Itachi began. It had been silent for a long part of the drive, besides the radio. Mikoto hummed along to some of the songs in the back seat once they changed the station. 

“Thinking about what?” Sasuke asked. He turned his head to look back at their mother. Her eyes were closed. Her hair was in a strange braid that he could only blame Naruto’s parents for.

“About what you’re going to do with yourself after high school,” Itachi said. Sasuke turned back to Itachi. 

“Hm? Have you figured out the secrets to my life?”

Itachi rolled his eyes. “I’m just trying to make sure you’re  _ happy _ . Mother showed me this really nice house, she meant to show you before we left but she forgot. Bigger than what we’ve got now, but of course I’m here to help. Enough room for me to come back, and room for guests. A backyard, with a  _ pool _ . And you wouldn’t even have to transfer schools.”

Sasuke nodded along to all the things Itachi said. It  _ did  _ sound nice, as much as he didn’t want to admit that. “That’s all well and good,” Sasuke said, “but what’s that got to do with my future?”

“I’m getting to that,” Itachi said sternly. Sasuke sat back and listened. “I know that you’ve always had an affinity for animals, animal care. You’re good with them, even if you don’t particularly care for them.”

“Diva. Yes, I guess you can say that. So?” 

“ _ So, _ ” Itachi said, “you know there’s a zoo in the next town over?”

Sasuke made a face. “A  _ zoo? _ Don’t you need real experience to work at a zoo? Besides taking care of pets?”

“Well, yes,” Itachi said. “But, that’s why I’m telling you now. You can get a degree in biology, or zoology, something like that. And work at a shelter, or volunteer, or something. Get some real experience.”

Sasuke hummed. It sounded like a lot of hard work. And he didn’t really  _ want  _ to do all of those things, though he supposed that working at a zoo would be fun. So many different animals, mainly, but he thought that it would be nice to be able to meet so many different people in a day. But the animals. Elephants and giraffes and monkeys and tigers and _snakes,_ so many different kinds of snakes!

When they got home, they placed Mikoto in her room after taking her shoes and dress off. “My babies,” she said. She pulled on both of their arms, and they sighed in tandem as they leaned down so that she could kiss their faces.

Itachi went into his room to do  _ whatever  _ he said he would be doing, and Sasuke decided to do some research on what Itachi had been saying. It wasn’t all that hard, when he looked it up. He could get a biology degree from anywhere. He didn’t know of too many animal shelters besides the one that Naruto had taken him to. But… he could work there, or volunteer. It would be fun, he thought. 

Sasuke would just have to worry about seeing Naruto from time to time. That would come when it did, but Sasuke couldn’t let  _ Naruto  _ be the reason he didn’t go for something. No more of that, he told himself. The first step was to talk to Mr Hatake about it, and that’s what Sasuke would have to do when school started in January. He didn’t really want to do that, because of the grade he’d gotten in Kakashi’s class in years past, but it was years ago. Things would be different, now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am trying to not be so angsty™️, i really am :,( i’m trying to bide my time until the spring time comes in the story, because that’s when it’s all going to get *crazy* (but good crazy, i promise) i really hope this was a little lighter, and that you guys liked this one


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the delay again guys! i have some exams coming up so i’ve been studying for them, and school in general has kept my mind busy and unfortunately blank. writers block hits like a wrecking ball every time man. but, here’s this! i really just wanted it to be fun and show some of sasuke’s family dynamics. i hope you all enjoy and please, as always, let me know what you think!

Sasuke woke up two days later to the sun still being _down_ but the TV in the living room being turned all the way _up_ . And why was his door open? Someone had been in here, Sasuke thought groggily. He sat up and ran a hand over his face. There was a chill in the air from when Sasuke had cracked his window open the night before. It had just been so unbearably _hot_ , even with the fan on.

“Go and try to wake him up again.” Sasuke instantly recognized Mikoto’s voice, but it took him a moment to realize that she was talking about him. 

“No, don’t come in here, I’m awake,” he yelled. He got up and brushed his teeth, and when he went into the living room he stood with his hands on his hips. “What’s all this?” 

Mikoto and Itachi were sitting across from one another on the sofas, with a plate of cookies sitting on the coffee table. They were decorated in all the fashions of the holidays: snowmen, trees, ornaments.

“It’s _Christmas,_ Sasuke,” Itachi said, annoyed.

Oh. Right.

“Come, sit! We didn’t want to open any of the presents without you, but we’ve been awake for hours.” Mikoto moved aside on the sofa to make room for Sasuke. 

“Hours?” Sasuke asked after he’d flopped down next to her. “The sun isn’t up. It’s, like, 5 am.”

“Yes, well… It's Christmas! We’re excited,” Mikoto explained.

It wasn’t that Sasuke wasn’t excited too, he’d just forgotten. They’d stopped putting up a tree years ago, because Fugaku had always said they were wasteful and didn’t add anything to the celebration. “We’re only going to take what we’ve put under the tree and put it on our laps, or on the floor,” he had said. “We don’t need to spend time or money on something we’ll only need for a day. It’s just us, I’m sure you all understand.” That was when Sasuke was around 6. Many years ago.

Itachi stood and went into his room, and when he came back he was holding something behind his back. “Ok, wait,” Sasuke said. He sprinted back to his room and dug underneath his pile of pillows for the presents he’d bought them. He’d expected to have to mail Itachi’s, but he felt so incredibly warm to think that he could just _hand_ it to him. Sasuke had gotten Mikoto the basket of all of the lotions and bath bombs and the like, and he’d gotten Itachi a new sketchbook, for his drawings of plants.

Sasuke didn’t bother trying to hide his gifts like Itachi. “Here, Mom. For you. So you can, I don’t know. Relax a little. Close your eyes, take a bath.”

Mikoto’s eyes were soft as she took the basket from Sasuke carefully. “Thank you, so much.” Her fingers twisted around the bow that was tied and looped around the handle, but she didn’t open it. She seemed to just be admiring it.

“Ok, my turn,” Itachi said. He turned to Sasuke then and brandished a book. There was a ball python on the cover curled around the branch of a tree. Sasuke inspected the book carefully. It was quite clearly about snakes, but he wanted to know if it was more pictures than words. He realized quickly that it wasn’t just a _book_ , this was handwritten.

“Who made this?” Sasuke asked. He opened the book to the middle and saw a diagram of the inside of a snake egg, and closed it quickly again. 

“One of my colleagues found out that I have a kid brother,” Itachi said offhandedly. “Well, what do you think?” he leaned forward to maybe gauge Sasuke’s reaction better. 

“I love it, of course,” Sasuke said. He hugged Itachi tight. “You know me so well. But don’t think I don’t know that this is a ploy to get me to look into working at a zoo.”

Itachi scratched the back of his neck. “Come on, do you really think I’d do something like that?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. 

Mikoto stood then from where she had been watching them, and she dawdled off to her room to retrieve their gifts. The TV was blaring _A Christmas Story_. Sasuke turned it up. “Oh, they’re about to say it!” Sasuke exclaimed. 

Itachi shook his head. “This movie is going to be on for the next twenty four hours.”

“So? It’s funny every time. Look, look—” Sasuke pointed at the screen, as though Itachi wasn’t already looking. “‘You’ll shoot your eye out!’ Oh, man. It never gets old,” Sasuke said between laughs.

Mikoto came back with two neatly wrapped boxes. “One for you,” she laid one on Sasuke’s lap, “and one for you,” and she repeated the action with Itachi. They were slender and small, whatever they were.

Both Sasuke and Itachi grabbed the boxes off of their laps immediately. Sasuke shook his close to his ear, to see if he might be able to tell what was in it. Itachi traced each edge of the wrapping paper with his fingers. They decided at the same time to tear into the paper. Mikoto’s eyes were alight as she watched them both get down to the box. 

Inside the long boxes were matching silver chains. Sasuke took his out and put it on immediately, but Itachi took his time examining it. 

“I really love it,” Sasuke said, fingering the metal. It was a little heavy around Sasuke’s neck. 

“Do you really? I just saw them one day and I thought about you two. I wanted something subtle. Something you could always have with you, to think about me.” Mikoto came to Sasuke to adjust the chain around his neck. 

“It’s so thoughtful, Mother. Thank you,” Itachi said. His words were serious, but his voice conveyed how he felt. Both Sasuke and Itachi hugged Mikoto until she pushed them away.

“I guess it’s my turn,” Sasuke said. He reached behind himself to retrieve his present for Itachi. It was a black hardcover sketchbook. “It’s not much, I know, but. You always draw your plants on loose pieces of paper, and I don’t think that’s very _professional_. With this,” Sasuke flicked the pages, “you have a real place to, I don’t know. Sketch and stuff. Record your findings.” Sasuke shrugged. 

“Oh, little brother. Now I can be a _real_ botanist, with a professional way to draw my work. Thank you.” Itachi pressed a kiss to Sasuke’s forehead. “I love it.” 

Mikoto cleared her throat. “I do believe that there’s one left for me?” She batted her eyelashes.

Itachi chuckled. “Yes, of course. Here it is,” Itachi said, handing Mikoto the box. Something was sliding around in it. 

When Mikoto opened it, she audibly gasped. “You made this?” It was one of those things that you use to roll fragrance onto your wrists. Itachi had handwritten the label. It was the name of the flowers that Itachi grew for Mikoto every year when he thought she didn’t notice. 

Itachi seemed pleased that Mikoto was so happy. “Yes, with some help from another of my colleagues. I… suppose I talk about you a lot, and he could tell that I missed you. Kisame insisted that I use something I knew you’d recognize. Since we’re studying crocuses anyway, I decided, why not? It took me the entire time I’ve been gone to make that tiny little thing. Months for a few drops. Sorry it isn't that much.”

Mikoto rolled some of the oil onto one of her wrists and rubbed them both together. “It’s _plenty_. I can’t believe I have such thoughtful babies.” She stood and kissed each of their left cheeks. “Alright,” Mikoto said excitedly, rubbing her hands together, “where are we eating this year?”

It came as no surprise to Itachi (though it had been to Sasuke’s great dismay) that doing away with the Christmas tree also meant doing away with any sort of cooking associated with Christmas. “Presents,” Fugaku had grunted, when Mikoto had insisted that they celebrate _somehow_. Since that year, they had been going out to eat on Christmas, rather than having a meal at home. It suited Sasuke quite nicely, as he got older. All the stories Naruto and Sakura told about having to _help_ were nightmarish. And he was glad that, just for one more year, he didn’t have to go without Itachi. That it wouldn’t be just him and Mikoto. 

“I don’t have anything particular in mind,” Sasuke said.

Itachi made a face. “For once. Will you try something new today?”

This time, Sasuke made a face. “No. When have I ever.”

They eventually decided on sushi, which Sasuke didn’t really like, but Itachi did. He didn’t want to argue when he was just so glad to be with the both of them, so he decided he’d suck it up and find _something_ to eat. 

“You two never want to sit next to me,” Mikoto pouted. The server put down three bundles of silverware, two on one side and one on the other, and Itachi and Sasuke always sat with one another. It was what brothers did.

“Merry Christmas,” Sasuke said, sliding into the booth next to Mikoto and dragging his silverware carefully across the table. He’d already opened it and he didn’t want any of it to touch the table. 

“This makes me feel a lot older than I am,” Itachi said. He shifted from left to right in the seat before finally deciding that he’d found the middle. “I don’t even know how to sit over here without your knees pushing me against the wall.” 

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “You’re exaggerating,” he whined. 

“Kids, kids,” Mikoto snapped. “Be quiet and go eat.”

It didn’t feel like Christmas, despite the fact that Wham’s _Last Christmas_ was grating on Sasuke’s psyche. It didn’t feel like Christmas, despite the fact that there were decorations all over this place. It didn’t feel like Christmas, despite the fact that that was all they were talking about. Sasuke didn’t really know _why_ , but it was an unpleasant _why_. It was something that was better left not realized, he knew, so he ignored it.

“Sasuke.” Mikoto addressed him when there was a lull in their conversation about years past. 

“Hm?” Sasuke was struggling with the chopsticks, so he was barely paying attention to her at first.

“You used to go over to the boy’s house three times a week.” Mikoto paused to slurp some noodles. “If you weren’t there, he was over at ours. And you never talk about him anymore.” Sasuke stopped fussing with his chopsticks. He was paying attention to Mikoto now. “Did something happen? I’m sorry if it seems like I didn’t notice, I noticed. I was just so… busy, handling things with your father. But, anyway,” Mikoto waved a dismissive hand at her situation. “What happened?”

Of all the people to ask, Sasuke had _really_ not wanted his mother to ask. He should have known it would be noticeable, but apparently he lived inside of his own bubble way too much. At least, for his sake, Itachi remained silent besides the clinking is his utensils on his plate.

“He’s just been… insensitive,” Sasuke sighed. “And selfish.” He could go on, but there was no use in that. And, this was not the place. He forced himself to continue while giving as little specific details as possible. “I realized I don’t really have time for it, not right now. I need to focus on myself for now. It’ll hurt less when he leaves, anyway. I kinda lived for him,” Sasuke said. “I’m living for me now.”

The look on Mikoto’s face was unreadable. Sasuke had never seen her look this way before. She didn’t seem upset, but almost. There was a sorrow about the way her eyes flicked from Sasuke’s face back down to her plate. “I am proud of you, then. Live for you.” She looked up again and smiled as warmly as she could, but Sasuke saw it didn’t reach her eyes. 

“ _Anyway,_ ” Itachi interjected, “all of my colleagues can't wait to formally meet you two. They feel like they already know you, little brother.”

“Why?” Sasuke’s eyebrows drew together, but he was glad for the distraction from Mikoto’s strange reaction to his admission. “Why don’t you talk about stomata, or something? Don’t you have _work_ to do?” 

“Not mostly,” Itachi shook his head. “It’s mainly setting things up, and then sitting and waiting. And then watching things happen, for a very long time.”

“Will you ever tell us what you actually do?” Sasuke complained.

“Maybe. When you’re older.”

Sasuke was thinking about the future on the way back home. He was thinking about Naruto, of course, but barely. Mostly, he was thinking about himself. Working for a zoo seemed… plausible. It’d probably be fun. And he could make Mikoto proud of him while doing something he loved, working with snakes. But first, he’d probably have to go to _college_ and get a _degree_ and struggle through that. It would be a way to distract himself from what Naruto was doing for the next three or four years, though. Mikoto wanted to move, and that would be fine, too. He hoped that if she did decide to go ahead and move them into the nice house she had her eye on, that she’d do it soon so that they could get it out of the way. He didn’t want to have to worry about something like that when he was starting school in the fall. 

Mikoto spoke to Sasuke and broke him from his deep thinking. “Son,” she said, causing him to meet her eyes in the rear view mirror. Itachi reached over the console to turn off the radio. “Earlier, when you told me that you’re taking a break from Naruto, I— I didn’t know what to say.” She sighed. “I had the same idea a while ago, long ago. About your father. I was beginning to be… dragged into every single thing he did. Things that didn’t even really have anything to do with me, things I didn’t _want_ to deal with. And I asked myself, Mikoto, don’t you think it’s time you stopped worrying about him so much? Worry about yourself a little more?” Her eyes moved briefly back to the road before finding Sasuke’s again. “But then I found out that I was pregnant. So I never took the time away.”

“The point is,” Mikoto said, as though she was annoyed with herself for taking so long to get to it, “I’m glad that you’re listening to your mind, because sometimes your heart can be a wicked little thing. I know that you will probably always love the boy, but taking some time to worry about yourself is good. A beautiful thing. Something I wish I’d done.” 

“Thank you,” Sasuke said. He didn’t really know how to react. Of course, his _mind_ knew that it was a good thing, but it was so hard. It got a little easier every day, but it was not easy in any sense. But hearing from someone so important to him that she was proud of him for taking this time made Sasuke begin to believe it might be the right thing to do.

***

Sooner than Sasuke expected, Christmas turned to the new year. The week preceding December 31 came and went quickly, a blur. The only way Sasuke had even known what day it was, was because on the 27th people were posting pictures and videos of Hinata all over his social medias and he didn’t really vibe with that. At least, at the very least, he didn’t see one thing from Naruto, which greatly helped his peace of mind. Of course, he didn’t know what they _texted_ about, but he pushed that thought out of his mind every time it came up. It didn’t matter.

What did matter was that Sasuke was making real plans to visit the dog farm. Itachi was still here, though he would be gone sooner than Sasuke wanted to remember. And then, when would he come back? He didn’t know. 

“But it’s _your_ choice, so how do you not know?” Sasuke whined. They were having a day in, since the day before they’d gone to the museum. They were all tired. 

“I know that it’s my choice.” Itachi looked up from where he was sketching the structure of what Sasuke discerned to be a leaf. “But I told you, the experiments are extensive. They take weeks or months to complete, and I can’t leave in the middle of one. You’re just going to have to be patient, little brother.”

Sasuke grumbled that it wasn’t fair, that Itachi could just get someone else to work on it while he was gone. “You know it doesn’t work like that,” Itachi said. 

Mikoto was sitting at the table with her glasses on her nose and her computer in front of her. She had been negotiating with the sellers of the house about the price for a few days now. Itachi told her that he would help her as much as he possibly could, even when she protested it. 

“I’m positive. We can close as soon as you would like… yes. Yes, just one. Um, a snake?” 

Sasuke turned his head to look at Mikoto over the back of the sofa. Itachi stopped his pencil scratching on the paper.

“Two, but one is away most of the time. No, no, um. Just me.” Mikoto pushed her glasses up her nose. “Yes, of course. What day did you say?” Mikoto scrambled for something to write on and ended up grabbing an old envelope for some bill. “Wednesday… 10 am. The address? I have the address,” Mikoto laughed. “Ok. Alright. See you then.”

“That was them?” Sasuke asked hopefully.

“Yes, that was them. I’m going over there on Wednesday,” Mikoto said. She was focused on whatever she was writing down, so she was mostly talking to the paper.

“They asked you about pets? Did they say anything about Aoda?” 

“No, they didn’t really comment on that, probably just asking for paperwork or something,” Mikoto shrugged. “I’ll be honest with you two,” she said, shutting her laptop. “I’ve never had to… do this. Buy a house by myself. Your father took charge of that when we got together. He was in charge of a lot of things. My name’s not even on this place,” she sighed. “This is kind of hard.”

Sasuke felt his heart swelling sadly for his mother. She had never been alone in all of her adult life. It had _always_ been Mikoto and Fugaku. And then Itachi, and finally Sasuke, but. The two of them had always been together. This had never been the outcome that Mikoto would have expected or planned for. It hurt Sasuke’s soul to know that his mother was struggling, but doing the best she could for him by herself. He would do whatever he possibly could to make her proud and to help her.

When Wednesday came, Sasuke woke up after Mikoto had already left. Itachi suggested that they go and do something while they waited for her, and Sasuke agreed. “As long as it doesn’t have to do with _leaves_.”

“Hush,” Itachi said. He waited impatiently for Sasuke at the door while Sasuke took his time lacing his shoes.

“Where are we going?” Sasuke asked after he’d clicked his seatbelt into the buckle. 

“Well, didn’t you say that you saw a dog that looked like Diva at that farm?” Itachi asked. 

Sasuke nodded.

“I want to know if the dog you saw was related to her. I miss her. I might take it with me when I leave, if she looks enough like her,” Itachi said thoughtfully. Sasuke knew better than that. Itachi was going to take the dog with him if it was there.

“I don’t really remember the way, I’m going to have to ask Naruto,” Sasuke said. He sent a simple text asking for the address to the shelter. “I don’t even know if he’s awake right now, honestly,” he said after a moment of thought. 

But, no, Naruto was certainly awake, because instead of texting Sasuke back, he called him. 

Sasuke cleared his throat before he answered. “Hello? What?”

“You wanna go to the shelter?” Naruto was eating something, and his munching was annoying.

“Yeah. I just needed to know the address. That’s why I wanted you to text it, because then I can plug it in.” Sasuke made a face in Itachi’s direction. 

“Can I go with you?” Naruto asked, his voice so hopeful that Sasuke could clearly see the face Naruto must have been making in his mind’s eye.

“Well… It was Itachi’s idea, he wants to see a certain dog. I don’t know how partial he’d be to that. It was supposed to be just us,” Sasuke explained.

“What’d he say?” Itachi asked. 

Sasuke put his hand over the speaker as though it would really muffle what he said. “He said he wants to come. I don’t know why he won’t just give me the address. He’s a weasel,” Sasuke said. 

Itachi hummed in thought. “I don’t think you’re gonna get it out of him. Tell him he can come, but I’m going to keep my eye on him,” Itachi said after a while of silence.

Sasuke grumbled. He’d wanted to tell Naruto no, but he figured Itachi was probably right. “Oh, fine. We’re going to pass your house in, like, two minutes. Don’t take forever,” Sasuke said, and then he hung up. 

It still took Naruto an additional five minutes to stumble outside and trip off of his front step wearing nearly nothing. He had on _shorts_. 

“I told you to hurry up,” Sasuke turned his neck to say to Naruto as soon as he opened the door.

“Yes, I know, but I didn’t have a concept of how fast two minutes actually was.” Naruto slid into the car and deigned to buckle his seatbelt.

“Alright, Naruto,” Itachi said. His eyes caught Naruto’s in the rear view mirror. “You’re going to have to guide me.”

“Oh, yeah, sure.” Naruto told Itachi where to start. He leaned heavily on Itachi’s center console to tell him the directions. Sasuke could tell that Itachi was annoyed by it, and it made him want to laugh. Naruto confused his left with his right constantly, and Sasuke could _see_ the way it grated on Itachi’s nerves because he kept having to turn around or go in a circle. Naruto seemed not to notice any of it.

Finally, Naruto led them to the shelter. “They’re really cute when it gets cold,” Naruto explained once they’d all gotten out of the car. “They put clothes on ‘em.”

“I didn’t expect it to be… so big,” Itachi said. 

“Oh, yeah,” Naruto nodded. “But this is just the front. It’s a lot bigger once you get out there.”

Sasuke felt _content_ to see Itachi’s face when he laid his eyes on the dogs for the first time. Two out of Sasuke’s three people, here with him. Even though he hadn’t really anticipated Naruto being here today, he wouldn’t complain about having Naruto around. 

“Little babies in sweaters!” Itachi exclaimed. He seemed overwhelmed by the amount of dogs, and Sasuke knew the feeling.

“Uh, some of them shed, so. Be careful, I guess,” Naruto said as a warning. Itachi didn’t hear him, it seemed, or else he didn’t care. He went straight for the very middle of the field. It made Sasuke’s heart happy to see his brother so happy, acting like a kid again after having to be an adult for the family for so long.

“I’ve known him for a long time, and I’ve _never_ seen him that happy,” Naruto remarked. They were both watching Itachi as he greeted every dog that ran up to him, with no regard for the way that his clothes would probably look.

“It’s rare,” Sasuke agreed. They decided they didn’t want to disturb him, so they picked a different corner to sit in. The big black dog that liked Naruto so much followed them across the grass and sat almost directly on top of Naruto when they found a place. He was so big that Sasuke wouldn’t have been surprised if he was wearing a human man’s shirt, rather than one made for a dog.

“I’m on to you, Naruto,” Sasuke said. There were a variety of little yellow dogs that ran up to him, wearing an assortment of colors. He tried his best to pay the same amount of attention to each of them. 

Naruto made a face. “On to me? What do you mean?” He shuffled himself out from underneath the black dog and leaned against it. 

“You could have just texted me the address,” Sasuke laughed. Naruto’s face grew pink.

“Oh, uh. It’s not on the GPS, you wouldn’t have been able to find it without me helping you out anyway?” Naruto’s attempt was a good one, but Sasuke still saw through it.

“Didn’t think you’d miss me so much,” Sasuke said. He meant it to be light. This wasn’t a time to fight; for the first time in a long time, he was enjoying Naruto’s company as his friend, and nothing else. It had been years since he could sit with Naruto and feel nothing but camaraderie. He would always be in love with Naruto, but this was the first time that Sasuke could even really remember that he was able to effectively put those feelings _away._

“I didn’t think so, either,” Naruto admitted. He was still smiling. He shifted his position where he was leaning on the dog because it decided to lay down. “But I’m just glad that we can spend time.”

Sasuke nodded. “Time is good, yes. My mom is seeing the house right now, to negotiate with the sellers. Or something. I’m not really all that familiar with the process,” Sasuke shrugged. “I think she’s gonna get it. Ya know what she told me?”

Naruto shook his head and closed his eyes. “I don’t know,” he said, “tell me.”

“My dad never put her name on the lease,” Sasuke said. He tried not to be too bitter about it, but he couldn’t help it. The idea that someone could come along and treat his _mother_ with such low regard made him feel livid. Worse than livid, enraged. Sasuke’s hand curled into a fist for a moment before he took a deep breath and resumed petting one of the little yellow dogs, one wearing a green shirt.

“I’m sorry your dad is the way he is,” Naruto said. His face was screwed up in mild anger, though his eyes were closed. Naruto’s thumb slipped into his mouth. He was falling asleep. Sasuke wondered how; he would have been much too cold.

“I’m sorry, too,” Sasuke said. “But, at least, she doesn’t have any _real_ ties to that house. I think. I don’t know,” he said. “I hope not. He hasn’t come around very much lately.”

“And that’s good, right?” Naruto’s words were muffled because he was sucking his thumb.

“Yes.” Sasuke’s mind drifted from Fugaku to Mikoto to Fugaku _and_ Mikoto and how Mikoto had told him that she’d had the same feelings about needing time and space, but she hadn’t taken it. Sasuke wondered how different his life would have been, if he’d even be around, if she’d taken it. 

“Sasuke, Sasuke! Look, I found her!” Itachi came running over to them, startling both Naruto and the dog he was leaned on. Sasuke looked up to see Itachi brandishing the little brown dog with the white foot. It was wearing a pink shirt. Itachi kneeled down carefully with the dog bundled in his arms tightly and then shoved it at Sasuke’s chest. It wiggled because it was trying to lick Sasuke’s face, but he held it at an arm’s length so that it couldn’t. 

“She sure does act like Diva,” Sasuke remarked. That was not a good thing. Sasuke could not stand that dog.

“That’s what I thought! She was following me around and she has the foot just like Diva did,” Itachi said. He squeezed the dog’s little foot. 

“You’re going to get her?” Sasuke asked.

“Oh, I don’t know, should I?” Itachi asked fretfully. “What do you think Mother would say?”

“She’d say you’re an adult and that you can make your own decisions. And that’s what I’m saying, too,” Sasuke added, before Itachi had the chance to ask.

“Well, if you _insist_ ,” Itachi said. He took the dog back from Sasuke and hugged it close to his chest. “What’ll I name her?” Itachi seemed to be talking to himself.

Sasuke turned away from Naruto and Itachi so that he could answer his phone that was ringing in the pocket of his jacket. It was Mikoto. “Hello? How’d it go?”

Mikoto sounded out of breath. “It went well! I had no idea that the person I was buying from was some sort of city official in Suna. He’s pretty high up,” she explained. 

Sasuke bit down on his thumb nail as he listened. “That sounds pretty cool,” he said. “But did you get to a decision about the price? And can I have my snake there?”

“Sasuke, I didn’t ask about your snake,” Mikoto said. A door slammed in the background. “Hold on, don’t say anything,” Mikoto said, and Sasuke knew that she was connecting their call to the bluetooth in the car. 

“So, they said they would go a few thousand dollars lower,” Mikoto said after a moment. “I think Itachi will be glad to hear that. I’ll never be able to thank him enough for helping us.”

“Do you wanna talk to him?” Sasuke asked. He turned his head to look over his shoulder and saw Itachi rolling around in the grass with the dog. He snickered. 

“Yes,” Mikoto said. Sasuke stood up and brought the phone to Itachi. 

“Hey, weirdo,” Sasuke called, causing Itachi to stop his playing around and air up straight. “Mom wants to talk to you.”

Itachi coughed a little and took the phone from Sasuke. “Hi, Mother,” Itachi said. Sasuke left them to talk in relative private. 

When Sasuke reached Naruto, he kneeled down and shook his shoulder a few times. Naruto snorted as he woke up. “Hm? Oh, Sauce.”

“Yes, that’s me,” Sasuke said. “How are you not freezing?”

“I kind of am,” Naruto admitted. He sat up straight and stretched. “I forgot to tell you something.”

Sasuke resumed his place in the grass next to Naruto. “Go ahead, then.”

“I wanted to come with you because I wanted to spend time with you,” Naruto said. 

“Yes, I got that. What else?” Sasuke asked.

“I _also_ wanted to come with you because I had the feeling Mr Hatake would be here, and I know you were talking about wanting to do some sort of volunteering. I wanted to, you know. Put in a good word,” Naruto said. He snapped when he remembered what he’d been trying to say at the end.

Sasuke blinked a few times. Of course, he should have expected Naruto to try to help him, but he still couldn’t believe it. If there was one thing that was true about Naruto, through all of this, he was doing his damndest to care about Sasuke’s well-being. 

“He’s here?” Sasuke turned his head from left to right. He squinted in the direction of the fence and saw that there was indeed another car parked near Itachi’s. Sasuke scooted closer to Naruto and hugged him. 

“Thank you,” was all Sasuke could think to say. Just then, Itachi came back over and handed Sasuke his phone. 

“She says she’s on her way home,” Itachi said. He was still holding the dog. Sasuke nodded and pocketed his phone.

“I don’t think this will take very long,” Sasuke said. He took the hand Itachi offered to help him up and dusted off as much dog hair as he could. Those little yellow dogs didn’t shed very much, thankfully. 

Sasuke offered Naruto his hand. When Naruto stood, the back of his shirt was covered with black fur. “Aw, come on,” he groaned. Sasuke laughed the whole way back inside. 

As soon as Naruto closed the door to the outside behind him, Sasuke heard a voice calling out to his brother. 

“Itachi? Is that really you?” 

Sasuke turned his head and saw that it was Kakashi. Itachi took a step forward and shifted his hold on the dog so that his right hand was free for Kakashi to shake. 

“Yes, it is really me,” Itachi said. He placed his hand back underneath the dog’s head; he was holding her like she was an infant.

“I haven’t seen you in… how many years has it been?” Kakashi scratched his chin as he tried to remember. 

“I can’t recall,” Itachi said with a shrug. “You remember Sasuke, right?” Itachi moved behind Sasuke and pushed his forward. Sasuke pitched an annoyed look over his shoulder before offering Kakashi an awkward grimace.

“Surely, I remember your brother,” Kakashi said with a nod. Sasuke felt grateful that Kakashi didn’t try to shake his hand or anything. “I remember he wasn’t very pleased with his final grade in my class,” Kakashi chuckled. It wasn’t _funny_ , but Sasuke pretended to laugh, too.

“I just felt that I _deserved_ an A…” Sasuke said under his breath at the same time that Itachi spoke up.

“My brother was wondering about volunteering for your program.”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow in Sasuke’s direction. “Ah?”

Sasuke cleared his throat. “Um, yes. I was thinking of working with animals in the future,” Sasuke cast a glance at Itachi, “and I know that it looks pretty good to have experience. Besides pets and such. Plus, I actually like it here,” Sasuke admitted. 

Kakashi hummed as he thought. He was scratching his chin again. Sasuke realized that he’d never seen Kakashi without a clean-shaven face. Seeing him with stubble on his chin made Sasuke remember that this was a real person, not just some teacher. He watched as Kakashi went behind the desk, said a quick pardon to the receptionist, and rummaged through some papers. He beckoned Sasuke closer, so he stepped forward. 

“Fill these out. You can bring them to me at school, if that’s easier for you,” Kakashi said. He handed a stack of papers to Sasuke, who took them and examined the top page. It was a basic application, asking for his name, address, and the like. 

“Th-thank you,” Sasuke said. 

Itachi came up behind him then and held the dog up a little. “I was wondering if I could procure this dog,” he said.

Kakashi laughed. “Yes, come over here. I forgot how formal you are at all times.”

On the drive back home, Sasuke sat in the back with Naruto, so that they could look at the papers together. That, and Itachi had reserved the front seat for _Dior._ “It’s a sophisticated name,” he had said in defense of the little brown dog. “Diva would be proud of her great-granddaughter.” Itachi had asked the woman at the front desk for records of the dogs given to the shelter in the last ten or so years. They found out that, in fact, this dog _was_ Diva’s descendant. She had had brothers, but they’d all already been adopted.

“Yes, she’s the last one of the litter,” Kakashi said. “You say your mother brought the original dog?” Itachi had nodded. “Interesting,” Kakashi mumbled as he signed his name at the bottom of the adoption papers. 

Naruto held one of the papers close to his face. “This is, like, an essay,” Naruto said. He was holding the very last page of the stack Sasuke had. 

Sasuke plucked the paper from Naruto’s hands and reorganized all of them back together. “I’m good at essays,” he reminded. “And, anyway, it won’t take me that long. I’ll give it to him at school next Monday, and then we’ll see what happens.”

“I think you’ll get it,” Naruto said. “I mean, why wouldn’t you? You’re good with animals. Except Gamabunta. Rest in peace.” Naruto put a hand over his heart. 

“I didn’t kill your toad, Naruto,” Sasuke quipped. 

“Your snake did.”

“My snake. Not me.”

“It belonged to you—”

“Hey, hey,” Itachi said from the front seat. “Stop yelling. You’re going to upset her.”

“Ugh,” Sasuke groaned. This was just the way he’d acted with Diva all those years ago.

They dropped Naruto off at home, but not before Naruto snuck a kiss onto Sasuke’s cheek. Sasuke’s face was red the entire three minutes back to his house. Mikoto’s car was in the driveway, and Itachi parked behind her.

“I surely won’t miss parking on the street when you’re gone,” Sasuke said when they got out of the car. 

“You _think_ you won’t miss it,” Itachi said, toting Dior at his side. “But then you’ll remember that parking on the street means that I’m here, and you will miss me.”

“Blah, blah, blah,” Sasuke said. 

“Who’s this?” Mikoto asked as soon as they stepped into the house. She came and pushed her face against the dog’s. Sasuke sat at the table to begin his paperwork.

“Her name is Dior,” Itachi said proudly.

“She looks a lot like—”

“Diva? Yes. This is Diva’s great-granddaughter.” Mikoto made a fond sound and lifted the dog from Itachi’s hands. 

“She’s precious,” Mikoto mumbled. She kissed the dog’s head and then gave her back to Itachi. “Did you tell Sasuke what I told you?” 

“I forgot. I was a little wrapped up with her,” Itachi said. 

Mikot came to sit next to Sasuke at the table. He put his pen down in slight relief, because he had forgotten his glasses. “So, they said they’ll need a few weeks to get everything out of there,” Mikoto explained, “but after that we’re good.”

“Good? Good to move?” Sasuke asked hopefully.

Mikoto nodded. She burst into a peal of excited laughter and hugged Sasuke so fast and with such intensity that he nearly fell from his chair. “We’re going to move, baby! Away from here, away from him. The beginning of the rest of my life,” Mikoto sighed. Sasuke hugged her back.

“Of _our_ life. Look at this.” Sasuke pushed the papers in Mikoto’s direction once she withdrew from him. She reached for her purse and pulled out her glasses before examining the papers.

“Is this for that job?” She asked without looking up.

Sasuke nodded. “Yeah. Well, it’s volunteering. But I think it will be fun. I’m just really grateful that I have people around me that care about me,” Sasuke said. He smiled in Itachi’s direction, but he was thinking about Naruto.

Mikoto slid the papers back to Sasuke. “I’m very proud of you, Son. Of the both of you,” she added a little louder, so that Itachi could hear her. 

“Will you put that thing down?” Sasuke complained when Itachi came to the table with Dior still held to his chest. 

“She is not a _thing_ and _no_ , I will not,” Itachi said indignantly.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “She can walk,” he pointed out.

“What if she doesn’t want to?” Itachi quipped.

“Boys, boys. Don’t fight,” Mikoto said. She reached for each of their hands. Sasuke laid his over hers and Itachi put Dior on his lap first before he did the same. “Listen to me,” she began, but then she had to take a deep breath and start again. 

“I love you two, more than air. More than life itself. More than _my_ self. I have never loved anything or anyone so completely as I love the two of you,” Mikoto said. Sasuke squeezed her hand when her voice shook. “And now I can finally, _finally,_ be the person I’ve always wanted to be for you two. I thought my life would be over when your father decided to leave,” she admitted quietly, “but I’ve never felt more alive. Because of you! You two, the reason why I live. Making you happy is everything I’ve ever wanted to do. The only thing, since you were born.” She looked at Itachi then. He offered her a small smile. 

“That’s all, I guess,” Mikoto said. She released their hands, and Itachi scooped Dior up as soon as his hand was free. “I love you guys. I’m going to start dinner,” she said. 

Sasuke sat at the table and finished most of the paperwork, all except the last page with what Naruto had described as an essay. It said ‘in a few sentences,’ so Sasuke could see why Naruto would think that. The prompt was, ‘In a few sentences, describe a moment when you were faced with adversity, and how you overcame it.’ Sasuke didn’t really know what to write, because he didn’t want to overshare. Eventually, he decided to write about the time his snake ate Naruto’s toad, and how he’d dealt with that.

After dinner Sasuke made sure to tuck his papers away in a safe place in his backpack so that he wouldn’t lose them before school began. He laid in his bed and texted Naruto and Sakura as he thought. Itachi was leaving soon, but Sasuke didn’t think it would be as devastating as it had been the last time. Certainly he wouldn’t hyperventilate the way he had before. Talking to Naruto was helping Sasuke remember what it was like to be Naruto’s friend, his best friend. And, maybe, it was helping Naruto come to terms with the way he _really_ felt about Sasuke now that they were just friends again. Sasuke hoped so, anyway. He hoped that Naruto was realizing Sasuke’s worth just the way Sasuke was. He was going to do things with himself just the way Naruto was. And when March twenty third came around, it wouldn’t hurt so bad. Sasuke would have other things to worry about, _good_ things in his mind that weren’t _Naruto_ and _Naruto leaving him_ and _Naruto starting his new life in a new state thousands of miles away_ . He’d be thinking about himself, his job and his career, his mother, a new home. Little things would add up and Sasuke wouldn’t have _time_ to be so thoroughly worried about Naruto. 

He remembered again what Mikoto had said about taking time. He wasn’t tied to Naruto in any way except for the words they’d said. Of course, there was the future, but that was the future. Sasuke wasn’t married, wasn’t engaged, wasn’t _pregnant_ , and didn’t have any reason to give Naruto more chances now. He had all of the means to take time. So he was going to take it.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> something else light haha but also setting up for something later ooo who can tell what it is? let me know what you think it may be :) i suck after foreshadowing

**Sasuke:** **_Naruto, I need to go to sleep. I have work tomorrow._ **

**Naruto:** **_ok ok i get it. but, one more question?_ **

School had started again. Sasuke was quite ready to be finished at this point, but his senioritis was nowhere near as bad as Naruto’s. Naruto hadn’t been a very good student to begin with. Now, though, Sasuke didn’t even really know why Naruto was showing up. He just didn’t care, and it was obvious. Sasuke did want to help, and he tried. It was a lot easier than it had been before to separate the love he felt for Naruto and the friendship that he didn’t want to ruin. Plus, Naruto  _ severely  _ needed his help.

**Sasuke:** **_Fine. And then I’m going to sleep, I mean it._ **

It was getting close to 1:30 am. Sasuke didn’t know how Naruto got him to do these things, sit and talk to him for hours when he knew there was no reason to. He had never been very good at telling Naruto no, was all.

**Naruto:** **_i know it’s kind of a while away, but are you doing anything for valentine’s day?_ **

Sasuke made a face at his phone in the dark.  _ Valentine’s Day? _ It was two weeks from now, and Sasuke had been doing everything in his power to forget about it. There were posters being put up about some asinine dance that was in a week or something, but Sasuke had been pointedly ignoring them. It was just reminding him of how fast time was going by, and also the fact that he hated Valentine’s Day and always had. Naruto was supposed to know that.

**Sasuke:** **_No. I never do._ **

**Naruto:** **_well, i mean, i know, but i was just wondering if circumstances had… changed._ **

The  _ gall _ . Sasuke snorted and shoved his phone underneath his pillow. What he knew was that Naruto was not trying to ask him to be his god forsaken  _ valentine. _ He didn’t even want to continue this line of conversation because he knew Naruto and he knew that that was exactly what was happening. Of course, if things weren’t so complicated, Sasuke would have said yes. (He would have made Naruto never mention the word valentine, but he’d go to the dance with him.) But things  _ were  _ complicated. And even though it was becoming less hard, that didn’t translate to it becoming easy. Because Naruto was persistent, and he was cracking Sasuke’s resolve something terrible.

Every day at school, Naruto would do something, say something, that made it just  _ that  _ much harder for Sasuke to remember why he’d broken up with him in the first place. It would be the way that Naruto remembered small things about Sasuke, or the way that Naruto made it obvious that he  _ cared _ , or the way Naruto checked on him, or the simply the look in Naruto's eyes. Time and space were clearly having their desired effects on Naruto, because he was beginning to cling onto Sasuke like a moth to a flame. And it was bad, Sasuke knew. He also knew that he loved it intensely.

The last time Naruto had paid even remotely this much attention was nearly a year ago, when he’d almost drowned. Naruto hadn’t wanted to leave his side, had constantly been checking on him, making sure he ate, shit like that. Sasuke had been pleased by it before, but he was plainly enjoying it now. Naruto came over and invited Sasuke over more, always under the guise of studying. Sasuke knew better than to believe Naruto really cared about learning his polynomials, but he still said yes. It got a little… bad. Because somehow Sasuke would always end up looking down at Naruto (on his own bed, or on Naruto’s, or on a sofa, or in the grass, or in the backseat of his car) with Naruto’s fingernails digging hard into his sides and Naruto’s breath hot on his skin. Every time, he told himself not to let it happen, but then Naruto would say something slick and Sasuke would feel his common sense drifting away like a boat out to sea. It felt right, to have Naruto’s face tucked into his neck, and to feel Naruto’s tongue pushing past his teeth, but he knew that it was really the opposite of what they needed to be doing.

It was getting a lot harder to control himself, Sasuke found. They never went too far, because Sasuke was not ready for all of that, and Naruto still promised that they’d wait as long as Sasuke wanted to, as long as he needed to. But it was getting difficult, at least for Sasuke, to tell Naruto when he was going too far. The line for  _ too far  _ was getting redrawn every time they got their hands on one another, and Sasuke didn’t even really care. He’d felt bad, at first, because he was still apprehensive about even letting Naruto touch him. But that went away rather fast, faster than Sasuke would have liked to admit. He wanted it, he wanted Naruto just as badly as he thought Naruto might want him.

Naruto also called Sasuke at least twice a day, just to talk to him, to ask him about his day. How was he feeling. Did he miss Itachi too much. How was Mikoto. And Sasuke always answered. He attributed it to the fact that he needed Naruto just as much as Naruto needed him. It felt grand to not have to beg for this sort of attention, when it was everything he’d ever wanted for years. He didn’t have to actively go after it, and that left his mind clear and free to focus on other things. 

Right now, the biggest things going on for Sasuke were  _ moving  _ and making sure he somehow stood out on his applications. He was working for Kakashi now, and though he hated to admit it, he’d given up his two year grudge completely. Kakashi was… nice. He was nice and he was real. He told Sasuke things that he probably shouldn’t, and Sasuke was just grateful for the opportunity. He loved Coach Guy with all of his heart but had never understood the way to tell him. He just really liked dogs. He kept his face shaved as a part of his  _ image _ , but on the weekends his cheeks were adorned with dark gray hair. Sasuke knew now that Kakashi was just a person, just a human, just a man.

Compared to everything else, moving was the hardest thing. The house looked so strange, with half of their furniture not in it anymore. Mikoto forced Sasuke to sleep at the new house, to acclimate himself to it. That, and she just couldn’t bear for him to have to be in the old place any longer than he had to be. It was fine, really, because Sasuke had needed the time to figure out the fastest way to get to school. He was so far away from everything… from Naruto. Maybe that was why Naruto had began to act this way, so needy. Sasuke didn’t try too hard to figure it out. He just enjoyed it.

After his time at the shelter the next day, Naruto kept insisting that they go and do something. 

“Do what? I smell like a dog,” Sasuke complained. Naruto called him on his way home. He wanted to shower, and then go to sleep. It was a nice Saturday, and he didn’t want to spend any more hours of it awake.

“Well I can wait for you. I wanna go to the museum,” Naruto said. He was eating something.

“The museum? Naruto.” Sasuke rolled his eyes at the clear sky in front of him. One thing he enjoyed about the fact that his job was a little far away was that this road was nearly always empty, and it gave him a lot of time to think. The new house was closer, but it still wasn’t really  _ close _ .

“Yeah, the museum,” Naruto said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Do you remember that time I skipped school and snuck out of the house?” 

Sasuke waited until Naruto was finished crinkling his plastic bag on the other end. “Yes, I remember. You still never told me the story of that escapade,” Sasuke said. 

Naruto ignored the last part, as he always did when Sasuke brought it up. “There’s this map exhibit, and I almost say it, but Mom was there and I didn’t want to get caught,” Naruto explained.

“So you need me to go with you to look at maps?” 

There was a silence on the other end. And then, a small, “Yes?” as though Naruto was asking rather than telling.

Sasuke grumbled in defeat. “Fine. I’m going to need some time to get cleaned up. And my mom will probably ask me to walk Dior, since I’m home,” Sasuke added.

“Isn’t she a support dog now? You can bring her with you,” Naruto said. Sasuke rolled his eyes. That was right. Itachi had wasted no time in getting the little brown thing registered so that he could bring her with him everywhere he wanted to take her. He didn’t have her with him right now because he was traveling far too much, he’d said, and he didn’t want to have to deal with the hassle of finding hotels that allowed dogs. So now, the dog was Sasuke’s responsibility.

“Yeah, yeah, alright. I’ll have to tell my mom why I won’t be home when she gets back from work,” Sasuke said. Mikoto had found work with the local newspaper. She had been on the newspaper when she was in high school and in college, and that looked just good enough on her resume that they let her start at the level two position instead of the level one. Itachi was helping them every week, too, and between the three of them it was just enough. 

When Sasuke got home, he was greeted by Dior in her usual way; she sniffed his shoes, stood up against his leg, and licked his fingertips. Then she ignored him. Sasuke took a shower, and he spent four whole minutes chasing Dior around the living room to put her service harness on. With each passing day, he was reminded of Diva.

Naruto’s car horn sounded outside after Sasuke had been waiting for a few minutes. Naruto had also insisted that Sasuke let himself be picked up for once, instead of driving. “We’re going to the same place,” Naruto had pointed out, and Sasuke was too worn out to argue with him.

“Why’s there gel in your hair?” Sasuke noticed it immediately. Naruto was wearing real clothes, and he’d done his hair. He smelled like soap. 

“I didn’t think you’d notice,” Naruto lied. Sasuke could not believe that  _ this  _ was the same Naruto he’d been dealing with a few months ago.

Sasuke sat with Dior in his lap and adjusted her harness so that her tags showed. “So, maps, huh? What sort of maps?”

Sasuke could see the way Naruto’s eyes lit up even from the side. “Well, my mom told me that they were the good stuff. Really old, before the New World was discovered, all of that. I’m still not sure how we scored them, but I can’t wait. She said that some of them even  _ smell _ .” 

Well, it was good to see Naruto care about something for a change. Since school had started again, all Naruto wanted to do was sleep, play soccer, and spend time with Sasuke. Whenever Sasuke could, he made sure Naruto was intaking  _ some  _ kind of knowledge that he would need for his finals. “Just because you’re going to college soon doesn’t mean that you just stop giving a fuck,” Sasuke had said. 

“That’s  _ exactly  _ what it means,” Naruto had retorted. 

Now, on their way into the city, Sasuke was forcing himself to be reminded of why he’d ever told Naruto that they couldn’t be together. But every time this train of thought started, it always hit the same stops. First, Sasuke would remember the vision he’d had, and the way that his heart had felt complete and content. That was before he’d taken the time to really analyze it too much. Then, Sasuke would remember the tone of Naruto’s voice in that mall when Sakura told them that Kankuro was Temari’s brother; the tone of Naruto’s voice when he’d torn Sasuke’s heart and self esteem into bits and pieces. Next, Sasuke would remember the look on Naruto’s face that day in the woods. When he’d told Sasuke that he’d been taking everything for granted because he knew Sasuke wouldn’t ever leave him. And finally, Sasuke would remember the most recent time they’d kissed, or touched each other, and his mind would be confused all over again. 

“Do you want anything?” Naruto’s voice drew Sasuke from his confusion.

“Hm? Some what?”

Naruto shrugged. “I don’t know, something to eat.” His voice was hopeful; Sasuke knew that he didn’t really eat out unless he was with other people. 

“Sure, yeah. Whatever you have in mind,” Sasuke said dismissively. He was fussing with Dior, because she kept trying to stick her head out the window and Sasuke kept trying to make her stop.

“So how’s working for Mr Hatake?” Naruto asked, in what Sasuke assumed was an attempt to dispel the silence.

Sasuke lifted one shoulder in a small shrug. It was weird to hear someone call him  _ Mr Hatake  _ when now he was just Kakashi, in Sasuke’s mind. “He’s a lot more cool than I gave him credit for, before. I forgave him for giving me a B.”

Naruto gasped to mock Sasuke. “ _ You _ ? Giving up on a grudge? Who are you?”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “I’m growing up, that’s all,” he said in defense of himself. 

“So does that mean you’ll forgive Sakura for calling Manda ugly?” 

Sasuke made a face. “Um,  _ no _ . Never.”

Naruto snorted. He reached a hand over and patted Sasuke on the shoulder. “Yes, you’re still the same man.”

Getting Dior to sit still while Sasuke put her leash on was a hassle once they got to the museum. He didn’t know how she had passed whatever classes she needed to take for her certification; he got the feeling that maybe Itachi had doctored her papers or something. Whatever the reason, she did listen to Naruto. It made Naruto grin wide whenever he told her to stop or to sit or to slow down and she listened.

It was getting closer to spring time now, and the weather wasn’t going to let them forget. The stupid groundhog hadn’t seen his shadow, but Sasuke didn’t really know what that meant either way. All he knew was that the sun was beating down on the back of his neck, and the breeze was the only escape. Sasuke welcomed the cool, conditioned air of the museum’s lobby. 

“Alright. Where are these maps?” Sasuke asked. He had to raise his voice because he was sitting on a bench and Naruto was standing a little ways away, examining the map of the museum with a hand to his chin.

“I know it’s on the third floor,” Naruto said slowly. He traced the lines on the map with his finger. Sasuke tapped his foot impatiently. “I think I’ve got it,” Naruto finally said. He turned to face Sasuke and came closer. “Are you in a rush? Do you want to just look at that and then go?” Naruto’s expression as well as his tone were uncertain.

“Uh. We can look at other things, I guess,” Sasuke said. “I’m in no rush.”

Naruto’s lips curved into a wide smile and he reached his hand out for Sasuke to take. “C’mon, then. There’s a lot I want to show you.”

“Naruto,” Sasuke whined, though he let himself be dragged along, “I was here a week ago.”

“You were here with your mom and your brother,” Naruto pointed out. “Did you even look at anything?”

“Well, not really, because they both kept trying to show me different things, but that isn’t the point.”

“Look here,” Naruto said, ignoring Sasuke’s complaint. He was pointing at some ancient animal that sort of looked like a chicken, but it was clearly a dinosaur. He brought Sasuke around to all of the fossils and reconstructions of dinosaurs. Sasuke hated to admit that he was actually very interested in the little dusty things like teeth and nails. He picked up Dior to try to show her the rocks through the glass, but she was a lot more interested in Sasuke’s reflection. 

Naruto led Sasuke all around the place, showing him things that were new, and things that weren’t. Naruto had apparently remembered that before last week, Sasuke hadn’t been here in ten or so years. Sasuke had to squint at some of the things because he didn’t have his glasses.

Finally, they got to the third floor, and Naruto began to get visibly more excited. “They’re over there, if I remember right,” Naruto pointed in front of them. “I never actually got to see them, because I ran away from my mom.”

Sasuke let Naruto hold Dior and lead the way around the corner to the exhibit. The lights were a little dimmer in here, Sasuke noticed. That was probably to emphasize the little spotlights that were placed underneath each map. Sasuke noticed the smell of some of them as they got closer to get a better look at them.

“Some of them are really well detailed,” Sasuke noted. “From what I can see. I don’t have my glasses.”

Naruto nodded. “Yeah, my mom told me that these were, uh. Meticulously maintained, or something like that. There’s been a little restoration done, but most of them are originals.” Naruto shifted Dior underneath one of his arms so that he could reach out and just barely graze his fingers along the edge of one of the maps. “I mean, can you imagine?” He looked back at Sasuke, who hadn’t deigned to come as close. These were particularly old and had a must to them.

“Imagine what?” Sasuke crossed arms, for lack of anything better to do with them.

“Just, like. Not  _ knowing  _ what’s really out there,” Naruto said wistfully. He turned back to the map, and Sasuke had to come closer to hear him. “Thinking that this was it. This was the entire world, there was nothing left out there to be seen. And then, ya know,” Naruto gestured his index finger in a circle, “going around the world and finding out that there was a shit ton of other stuff. It’s pretty wicked.”

Sasuke felt soft all around. Seeing this side of Naruto always reminded Sasuke of their youth, when he’d flip to the back of the history books and point out all the cool things about each and every state, even the boring ones. He nodded slightly when Naruto looked back at him again. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

Sasuke hadn’t realized how long they’d been there until his mother called and asked when he’d be back. “Oh, I don’t really know,” he admitted. He had stepped into the stairwell to take her call, and he watched Naruto sitting with Dior on a bench as he spoke. 

“You said you’re with Naruto?” Mikoto asked. Sasuke could hear her turn signal clicking. 

“Yeah, he said he wanted to take me to the museum,” Sasuke said. “He’s got gel in his hair. I think this is a date.”

Mikoto chuckled. “A date, hm? What else do you have planned?”

“Something to eat. I don’t know how fancy he’s going to try to go, because I have the dog with me,” Sasuke explained. He chewed his nail as he watched Naruto scratch behind Dior’s ears. She seemed content to be in his presence.

“I noticed that you talk about him a lot more,” Mikoto said. Sasuke turned his eyes to the ceiling. “Do you think he’s changed?”

“I think he’s changing,” Sasuke said, and he turned his back on the door before he lost his focus. “I have to be honest, I don’t know what it’ll take for me to really believe it, but whatever it is, it hasn’t happened yet. He’s doing well right now, though.” 

“Maybe a little too well,” Mikoto said under her breath. Sasuke nearly didn’t hear her because of the wind blowing into the car. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sasuke asked, indignant.

Mikoto laughed again. “If you thought I didn’t see those marks on your neck, you were sorely mistaken,” she said. 

Sasuke felt his face getting hot. “Oh, d’you know what? We’re about to leave. I’ll be home later, love you, bye.” Sasuke had never hung up the phone so fast.

“Why’s your face so pink?” Naruto asked as soon as Sasuke got within earshot of him again.

Sasuke shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Where are we going to eat?”

Naruto handed Dior back to Sasuke. “I don’t know, what time is it? Are you sure I can pick? I’m not good at picking.”

Sasuke scoffed. “Do not bring up being a Libra on this fine day, Naruto,” he warned. 

“What? That’s why,” Naruto said. He fell into step with Sasuke as they took their leave. Sasuke left that statement where it was and decided to ignore it.

“You brought it up, so you have to pick. That’s how it works.” Sasuke placed Dior on the ground once they got back outside. 

“But I want  _ you  _ to pick because  _ I’m  _ going to pay,” Naruto said, and he pointed at his chest with his thumb. Sasuke stopped walking then and stepped in front of Naruto. He put a hand to Naruto’s chest and for a moment forgot where they were, or they fact that people could see them.

“Naruto, is this a date?” Sasuke gave Naruto his most stern and hard-eyed look. 

“Wh-what? What do you mean?” Naruto spluttered. Sasuke had caught him off guard with the question. 

“I said, is this a date? You’re wearing real clothes, you’ve got gel in your hair, you—” Sasuke stepped even closer and sniffed Naruto’s body. He could feel Naruto tending underneath his hand. “You’re wearing a  _ scent _ . And now, you’re saying you’re going to pay for my food.”

“It’s not a  _ date _ ,” Naruto said. “I didn’t ask you out… or anything.” 

“You didn’t have to. There’s a lotta things that make me consider this a date. You’re never very sly,” Sasuke said. He rolled his eyes up to the sky when Naruto opened the car door for him.

“I don’t have any reason to be sly,” Naruto remarked. He reached over the center console to help Sasuke adjust Dior appropriately underneath the seatbelt. She wanted Naruto, and Sasuke had to keep her from crawling her way into his lap and making them crash. 

“You only say that because you’re bad at it. We can do, uh, Italian, I guess? Since this is a date and you’re going to pay,” Sasuke said after a moment of thought. 

Naruto’s fingers got tight on the steering wheel but he didn’t say anything. Sasuke suppressed his laugh by sticking his face into Dior’s fur. 

Sasuke felt a little underdressed when they first walked into the restaurant. Even though it was the middle of the day on a Saturday, no one but Sasuke was wearing shorts and a shirt that probably wasn’t his. He almost wished to ask Naruto to take him home so that he could change his clothes, and so that he could put the dog away, but  _ home  _ was a lot farther than he was used to it being. He didn’t want to put Naruto on like that, even though he knew Naruto wouldn’t mind driving all that way or waiting for him.

When the waitress came over to ask them what they wanted to have for drinks, Sasuke had to squint in her direction. He knew her, he  _ knew  _ that he knew her.

“Tenten?” Naruto recognized her face and her name, thankfully for Sasuke. He noticed her name tags a few seconds late. She wasn’t wearing her hair in the same buns she used to when she was in high school. Now, it was down and clipped up on the sides with little butterfly clips. 

“Naruto? Hey! And Sasuke, hi,” Tenten greeted them with a smile. She tucked her notepad back into her apron. “What’re you guys doing here? How are you? And who’s this!?” She placed a tentative hand on Dior’s head.

Naruto leaned back in his seat. “We’re just… eating. You have food, right?”

Tenten rolled her eyes goodnaturedly. “Yes, we have food. I didn’t expect to see you two here together,” she said offhandedly. Sasuke hated the way his face got red at her statement. 

Naruto shrugged. “He’s my best friend,” he said simply, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. It was. 

Tenten turned her attention to Sasuke expectantly, and he realized he was supposed to speak. “Right, yes. Friends.” He held Dior’s white foot for emotional support. “Her name is Dior,” he said. “She belongs to my brother.”

“Oh, yeah! How is he? He hasn’t forgotten about home while he’s off being a rich scientist, has he?” Tenten pulled her notepad back out when one of her coworkers whisked past her carrying a full tray of assorted drinks. 

Sasuke managed to chuckle, and he shook his head. “No, he calls all the time.”

“That’s sweet. I hope everyone else is well, too.” Tenten pulled a pen from another pocket of her apron and clicked it once. “Well, I’ve been standing here for much too long, what can I get for y’all to drink?” 

“Uh, d’you have apple juice?” Naruto asked, his eyes skimming over the menu. Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“I’m just gonna get water,” he interjected. Tenten nodded and scribbled something on her paper, and promised them it would be out shortly. When she left, Naruto stopped leaning in his chair and instead poured over the menu.

“Now let’s see…” Naruto mumbled to himself, using his finger to scan over the various words and pictures. “What’re you gonna get?”

Sasuke shrugged. “Something with red sauce. Tomatoes,” he hummed as a smile curled over his lips.

“You and those tomatoes,” Naruto said with a slight shake of his head. “I think I’m gonna do the… something with shrimp, I don’t know,” he shrugged. 

“You’re allergic to shrimp,” Sasuke pointed out. 

“In large quantities,” Naruto said, raising a finger. “I can eat, like, ten of them.”

“Naruto, I’m not going to let you do that,” Sasuke said sternly.

“Oh, fine. Chicken parmesan, does that make you happy?” Naruto asked.

“Yes. I think I’ll get that, too,” Sasuke said decisively. He closed his menu lightly. “So we’re best friends now?”

Naruto’s eyebrow quirked. “We’ve been best friends for our entire lives, Sasuke,” he said. “What do you mean ‘now’?”

“This is clearly a date, even she could see it,” Sasuke said.

“So you wanted me to tell her we’re on a date? Which we are not,” Naruto added. He leaned forward. “If we  _ were _ , you’d want me just saying that?”

Sasuke was thankful for the dim lighting, or else Naruto surely would have seen his face getting pink. “I guess not,” he said quietly.

“Hey, where’d you say you got that from?” Naruto asked, pointing at Sasuke’s throat.

Sasuke’s fingers reached for the chain that he’d tucked underneath his shirt. It wasn’t that he wanted to hide it; it was more than he just didn’t want to be flashy. It was against his nature.“My mom,” he said. “For Christmas. Itachi has one too.”

Naruto sat back. “It’s nice,” he said, and he seemed satisfied with that. 

Tenten came back with their drinks then, and took their orders. “Oh, the same thing, hm?” She raised an eyebrow in Sasuke’s direction, but he pretended not to notice. “That’s nice. It’ll take a minute, because we want to get the chicken just right for you. Let me know if you need anything, a refill, whatever.”

Naruto nodded. “Yes  _ ma’am _ .”

Tenten shook her head. “Oh, no, no. I’m much too young for you to be calling me ma’am. By the way,” she said, pulling her notepad out once more, “is this gonna be together or separate?”

“Together,” Naruto said, before Sasuke could open his mouth. He handed Tenten the menus and she shoved them underneath her arm. She promised them that it would be out as soon as possible. 

“You know that you don’t have to pay for me, right?” Sasuke said. He took Dior’s feet from the table for the millionth time. She wanted to sit with Naruto, and she had been trying to get to him the entire time.

“Yes I do,” Naruto said. “I brought it up, and I  _ want  _ to.”

“Maybe you wouldn’t want to if this wasn’t a date,” Sasuke said under his breath. Naruto kicked him under the table. 

“Give her here, she doesn’t wanna be over there,” Naruto said, making hands for the dog. 

“Fine, yeah, ok. She’s getting on my nerves,” Sasuke said, and he handed Dior to Naruto over the table. She instantly curled into a fluffy brown ball and closed her eyes. “She really seems to like you.”

“Or maybe she just  _ doesn’t  _ like you,” Naruto pointed out. He twisted his cup around, just for what Sasuke knew was the purpose of making the ice clink together.

Sasuke shrugged. “She isn’t my dog, she doesn’t need to like me.” Mikoto texted him then and asked how his date was going, and Sasuke almost didn’t want to answer her. 

It took around twenty minutes for the food to come to their table, which was faster than Sasuke thought it would be out. “Alright, these are really hot, so please be careful,” Tenten said as she laid their plates carefully before both of them. Dior lifted her head and her ears went back. 

“So, Naruto, I heard you were signing soon? To UNC? That’s really amazing,” Tenten said. She adjusted one of her red dangling earrings. 

“Yes, next month,” Naruto nodded. He opened up his silverware and quirked an eyebrow. “How’d you hear about that?”

“Lee. He’s coming back to town to watch it, when it happens. It’s all he’s been talking about,” Tenten chuckled.

“ _ Lee  _ is coming back to town to see  _ me  _ sign? Are you kidding me?” Naruto was incredulous. Sasuke didn’t really know what all that was supposed to mean, so he just started eating and listened passively.

“Yeah,” Tenten nodded. “Coming all the way from Cali for  _ you _ . You’re a special talent, he says. He always said you’d go far,” she said. Her eyes got a little glassy as she looked away, remembering a time from the past.

Naruto seemed incredibly pleased with this praise. All Sasuke really knew was that Lee was the captain of the soccer team last year, and he had been since Sasuke was a freshman. He  _ was  _ the soccer team. Coach Guy had had his jersey retired in a ceremony that Naruto had dragged Sasuke to in the fall. He had signed to UC Berkeley about a year ago, now.

“That’s crazy. I’m… I can’t believe that.”

Tenten gave Naruto a warm smile. “Congratulations on your signing, too. Enjoy, let me know if you need anything,” she said, and then she whirled off. Two seconds later Sasuke saw her rushing past their table with three plates, one in each hand and one balanced on her left arm.

“Isn’t that nuts?” Naruto asked, excited. 

“What? That Rock Lee is coming back to town? It’s spectacular,” Sasuke said sarcastically.

“I’m serious, Sauce,” Naruto pouted. “He’s, like, my idol. He’s the reason why I even wanted to play. And he’s coming to see  _ me. _ I’ve really succeeded.”

“I suppose you have,” Sasuke said, nodding his head. “I’m proud of you. I mean it,” he said, when he saw the look on Naruto’s face. 

“I know you mean it. You’re terrible at showing it,” Naruto said. “Can I give her some of this?” He had some chicken on his fork.

“She isn’t my dog,” Sasuke grinned. “Give her whatever you want. Just, uh, take the sauce off first.”

They talked about nothing and everything, about tomorrow and another next week, about their mothers and their fathers. Sasuke felt a familiar feeling beginning to creep up into him the longer he sat there. He felt open, but he was safe. Talking to Naruto, being with him even as just friends, was fulfilling. It gave Sasuke energy; revitalized him after weeks of trying to stay away and keep Naruto at a distance.

When they were finished, Naruto paid and Sasuke gave the tip. He didn’t really know Tenten that well, but she was sweet and was probably in college. So he left her ten dollars and ignored the look on Naruto’s face.

Sasuke made Naruto let him drive so that Dior could sit in his lap. “She’s going to drive me crazy if she doesn’t get away from me,” he said. Naruto didn’t seem too pleased to be letting Sasuke get control of his car, but he obliged. Sasuke wasn’t used to driving a car this big, so at first he felt a little out of place.

“I’m so high up,” he said, when Naruto asked why he kept laughing to himself. 

“Yeah, yeah. So did you have fun today?” Naruto played with Dior’s tags, but she didn’t seem to have one qualm about it.

“Depends,” Sasuke said. He angled his head towards Naruto expectantly when they got to a red light. “Tell me again, what would you call today?”

Naruto flared his nose and blew out an annoyed breath. “Ok, alright, I  _ guess  _ it was a date. We went on a date today. Are you happy now?”

Sasuke nodded, and he couldn’t, for the life of himself, have kept the grin off his face. “Yes, I am happy. You didn’t have to lie, anyway,” he said. “I would have said yes.”

Naruto shrugged. “I couldn’t take that chance,” he said simply.

“Whatever, loser,” Sasuke said, rolling his eyes. Naruto turned the radio up when an absolutely  _ ancient  _ Arctic Monkeys song came on his bluetooth, and they sat in relative silence for the rest of the ride to Sasuke’s house. It was comfortable. The sun was descending by the time Sasuke parked on the street outside of his house.

“This is where I take my leave,” Sasuke said. He turned the key and he was about to reach over for Dior, when Naruto’s hand caught his wrist. Sasuke’s shoulders slumped. He should have known it wouldn’t be so easy to leave.

“My mom’s waiting for me,” Sasuke said quickly, but Naruto didn’t seem to care or to hear him. 

Naruto’s hand moved from Sasuke’s wrist to his face. Sasuke shivered when he felt Naruto’s fingernails scratching at the hair at the base of his neck. Naruto’s fingers slid down his skin, reached underneath the collar of his shirt, and started touching his chain, shifting it on Sasuke’s neck. For a long time, Naruto just  _ looked  _ at him, and Sasuke felt his face beginning to flush red. “What?”

“You’re so much,” Naruto mumbled.

“So… much?” Sasuke’s eyebrows drew together.

“So much. Like, everything,” Naruto explained. Sasuke drew his lip between his teeth and wished that Naruto would let him go. Or kiss him senseless.

But neither happened, because Dior was scratching at the door. “For fuck’s sake,” Sasuke grumbled. “Give her here, I have to go,” he said.

Naruto drew himself away and handed the dog over. She wiggled and protested, but Sasuke got a strong hold on her. “I did have fun today,” he said over the sound of her whining. “Next time you wanna take me on a date, just ask me,” Sasuke said, and then he reached blindly behind himself to open the door and let himself out. “I love you,” Sasuke said over his shoulder, just as Naruto closed the door behind himself once he’d switched to the driver’s side. Sasuke wasn’t sure if Naruto heard him, but it didn’t matter. He knew it, anyway.

Mikoto came to take Dior from Sasuke the moment he stepped into the door. “Good evening to you, too, Mother,” he said, annoyed.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Son. How was it? What’d you eat?” Mikoto sat with Sasuke on the couch after letting Dior outside in the backyard.

“We got Italian. He paid,” Sasuke said. 

“Oo, that’s so sweet,” Mikoto said. “Did he ever admit to why he was so dressed up?”

“Yeah, actually. I got it out of him,” Sasuke nodded. He pulled the chain from beneath his shirt and let it hang freely. “Dior really likes him.”

“Everyone really likes him,” Mikoto said offhandedly. She was looking at something on her phone. Sasuke figured that she was probably busy with work, so he went up to his room and checked on Aoda. It was getting warmer, and his snake could certainly tell.

He called Itachi and told him about his day, and then he called Sakura.

“A date? That’s just like him. What a dumb ass, you said he put on cologne?” Sakura couldn’t stop laughing. 

“Yeah, a date. I don’t know why he didn’t just, like, ask me. He knows that I would have said yes,” Sasuke said.

“Did you guys  _ do  _ anything this time?” Sakura’s face was green from her face mask and her voice was muffled from her toothbrush. 

“ _ No _ , we didn’t. We had Itachi’s spoiled dog with us. She likes Naruto a lot,” Sasuke said. 

“I’m sure it’s because he smells,” Sakura said. “But, like. Aren’t you starting to feel weird, because you’re having sex? Or doing whatever you’re doing,” she corrected herself. It might as well have been sex, but it wasn’t  _ intercourse _ , so Sasuke still felt annoyed that she would say it like that.

“Weird how? I love him. He loves me. We’re just figuring it out, it’s not serious,” Sasuke said flippantly.

“It  _ is  _ serious, Sasuke. You just said that you love him. You are still in love with him, and you’re telling yourself that it’s fine to go ahead and do that stuff, but. Is it?” Sakura ran the water over her toothbrush, so Sasuke had to wait to protest to her very rational statements.

“It’s not serious because… it just isn’t. We could stop any time, we  _ will  _ stop soon. We’ve still never done it,” Sasuke said. 

“Sometimes I wonder how you can be so smart and still be so fucking dumb,” Sakura said, shaking her head.

“Don’t you have to call Ino, or something?” Sasuke was ignoring the fact that everything Sakura said made sense. It was too hard to think about. 

“I already called her. Did I tell you? She said she likes me. She likes me.” Sakura’s voice really sounded  _ surprised _ at this. 

“Everyone knows she likes you. And that you like her. Hurry up and get married,” Sasuke said. “I have work tomorrow, so I’ll talk to you later. You have to tell me how that went,” he said. Sakura said goodbye to him and he hung up. 

Why did everything always have to make sense? Of course, Sasuke had worried himself about what he was doing with Naruto, but their time together was short and coming to an end a lot faster than Sasuke wanted to think about. He just wanted to  _ feel _ , to feel happy, to feel wanted, to feel like Naruto loved him. There was telling, and then there was  _ feeling _ . And Sasuke wanted to feel. 

**Naruto:** **_so, like. there’s a dance next week_ **

Sasuke rolled his eyes at this message. 

**Sasuke:** **_Yes, there is. Why do you bring that up? Are you gonna pick me up at 6, put some more gel in your hair, wear some cologne, wear a nice shirt and then tell me that you didn’t really mean for us to go together, we just ended up going at the same time?_ **

**Naruto:** **_ugh, no. I was going to ask you to the dance._ **

“Oh,” Sasuke mumbled into the dark. He hadn’t expected that. 

**Sasuke:** **_You know that I hate that kind of thing._ **

**Naruto:** **_you don’t have to say yes_ **

**Sasuke:** **_Of course I’m saying yes, loser._ **

**Naruto:** **_i thought you might. and uh, just because you said it earlier but i couldn’t say it back. i love you too_ **

Sasuke held his phone to his heart and sighed deeply. He knew that Sakura was right, and that they needed to stop doing the extra stuff and just be together. But how could he stop when Naruto was trying so hard?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk why i HC tenten being a little southern girl with an accent and a drawl and all that i just do ok, that’s just what i think man


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another naruto chapter... i don’t know why. naruto thinks a lot differently than sasuke, which is why the writing changes when i write naruto. this was just something i felt like i had to do really, to keep setting up. but it’s sweet, right?

Sasuke had insisted that Naruto get a haircut before he was allowed to be seen with him in any kind of formal setting.

“Haircuts take _forever_ ,” Naruto complained.

“That’s only because your dad takes his sweet time,” Sasuke pointed out. “Listen, my mom says she wants to help me pick out a _tie_. So I’ll talk to you later.”

“Ok, but you better not show me before I see you on Friday,” Naruto said. 

Sasuke gave an annoyed huff. “We aren’t getting married, Naruto. It’s a high school dance.”

But Sasuke still didn’t send any pictures of his outfit. He was a dream in a black bowtie, with a white shirt and his chain showing just slightly. Sparkly. A silver lining. He came down the stairs in slow motion, and Naruto felt something inside of himself careening closer and closer to the edge. The edge of what? He didn’t know, at first.

“You— you’re—” 

Naruto was at a loss for words. He scratched the back of his neck and placed Dior on the sofa next to him when he stood up. Mikoto flitted over to Sasuke, fixing his bowtie and his chain and his hair. It was parted differently. When Naruto got close, he could _smell_ Sasuke, something sort of floral.

“ _You’re_ an idiot,” Sasuke retorted, but his face was just as red as the sunset cutting through the curtains. Mikoto scolded Sasuke for being so rude, and then made them stand in front of the stairs to take a picture. Kushina stood near her, her phone already at her face.

“Say cheese! Oh, Sasuke, smile. You’re going to regret it if you don’t.” Mikoto took her pictures first, and then stood to the side when it was Kushina’s turn.

“Aw, Mom, no flash,” Naruto complained. Kushina lifted her phone to her eye once again after getting Mikoto to help her turn off the flash. It had brought something forward in Naruto’s mind. He was on the edge. On the edge of begging.

Every moment with Sasuke was like a hit of the sweetest drug. Intoxicating, inebriating, unreal. Sasuke spoke to him. Sasuke laughed with him. Sasuke humored him. Sasuke looked at him. Sasuke whispered things in his ear, Sasuke touched him. Sasuke moaned his name under the cover of darkness, or light. After school or after work. Sometimes Sasuke smelled like dogs, but Naruto didn’t think he’d ever cared about anything less. Just like he didn’t think that he’d cared about anything _more_ than he cared about Sasuke.

A fool, a fool. He knew that now. He had been a fool to ever do what he’d done, take Sasuke’s _devotion_ to him and nearly squander it. Sasuke didn’t have to give him another chance, and Naruto would never be able to properly express how grateful he was that Sasuke did. But he tried, by showing him. He tried by asking him about his day, and making sure that he was taking care of himself. He tried by making sure Sasuke knew that someone was thinking about him. He felt obsessed. He _was_ obsessed. And it only got worse every time he got a feel of Sasuke’s body, a taste of Sasuke’s tongue. So sweet, so delicious. 

Naruto was so close to begging. 

“Now for prom, you’re going to smile!” Mikoto called to them as Naruto escorted Sasuke out the door, arm in arm. 

“Prom? I’m not going to prom,” Sasuke mumbled, mostly to himself. 

Naruto snorted. “Then who do you suppose I take? _Sakura_?” The little laugh that Sasuke emitted gave Naruto life.

He tried not to speed on his way from Sasuke’s house to the school. The faster they started the night, the faster they could end it. Naruto didn’t want to say that, because he knew Sasuke would just roll his eyes and proclaim that there would be “no funny business.” Yeah, right. 

Since they were among the first people to get there, the parking lot was relatively empty. Already Naruto could see Sakura’s tiny pink car, and he parked next to it. Sasuke pointed a finger at the window. “They’re in there,” he said. “ _Kissing_ ,” he added, turning his head to face Naruto. 

Naruto laughed. “Seems they’re a little busy,” he said, unbuckling his seatbelt. “They can meet us in there, I guess.”

The first stars were pricking their light onto the indigo sky when Naruto opened the car door for Sasuke. He always seemed to measure the distance from the car to the ground before he hopped out. This time, he fell forward onto Naruto slightly, but Naruto was there. He caught Sasuke and held his arms tight. “Be careful there,” he whispered. He could _feel_ Sasuke’s face heat up as Sasuke turned his eyes away from Naruto’s. 

“My bad,” Sasuke said quietly. He stood up straight and asked Naruto to help him hide his chain underneath his collar. He felt Sasuke shiver under his fingertips and he drew back.

“Are you cold? Here.” Naruto offered Sasuke his jacket, but Sasuke refused. 

“I’m not cold,” he promised. Naruto believed him. 

“Can I hold your hand?” Naruto asked, abashed. He made himself look at Sasuke’s eyes and not his ear, or something.

Sasuke seemed hesitant. He still didn’t want people to remember that he loved Naruto, even though he did. Sasuke looked from his own hand to Naruto’s a few times. Naruto closed his eyes against the sensation of Sasuke’s fingers twining with his.

There were pinks and reds all around the place. Pink lights illuminating the band, which Naruto hadn’t expected to come together. Red lights swirling around the corners, where people were huddled. This was Sakura’s kind of music, was Naruto’s immediate thought. She was on the planning committee, so she had probably had a hand in choosing these songs. It was some One Direction song from an eon ago.

Sasuke hummed along to the words, and Naruto tried not to laugh. “I didn’t think you would know the words to a song like this,” he said. He had to get close to Sasuke’s ear, just to make sure he was heard. 

Sasuke shrugged. “Sakura’s always playing this shit whenever we’re on the phone.” He took his hand from Naruto’s briefly, to wipe it against his leg. “You’re sweating,” he said. 

“Sorry. You make me nervous,” Naruto said with a grin. Something about the way the band was playing Night Changes was making Naruto _that_ much closer to begging. 

“You’re just a loser,” Sasuke said quickly. 

Naruto rolled his eyes. “That’s nice of you.”

Sasuke gave him a wide smile. Naruto wanted to take a picture, frame it. He thought about the picture that Sasuke had given Sakura to give to him. To replace his ‘messed up’ picture of home. The picture of home was fine. Naruto just wanted something of Sasuke to carry about with him, but he knew that Sasuke wouldn’t have ever let him have it if he hadn’t lied. Little white lie. 

“Naruto, Sauce! You look so nice…” Sakura came close and Ino stayed a little bit behind her. Naruto had never seen Ino _shy_ , but there was a flush to her cheeks that suggested she knew someone among them didn’t really want to see her. Or maybe it suggested that Sakura had been kissing herself senseless. Probably both.

“You’re so pretty,” Sasuke whined. He hugged Sakura tight and even offered Ino a smile. He was really growing up. Naruto hugged them both at the same time, one under each arm. 

“So who’s ready to party?” Naruto said, and both Sakura and Ino gave a whoop. Naruto turned his eyes to Sasuke. He still had the time to look shy when their eyes met. Naruto released Sakura and Ino from his hold, and he placed his hands on Sakura’s shoulders. “First thing’s first. Tell them to stop singing _One Direction_ before I cry or something,” he implored her.

“Oh, come on!” Sakura pouted. “They hit Zayn’s high notes so good.” She crossed her arms.

“Sakura, I don’t care. Tell them to sing Kesha,” Naruto said, and he sent her off. Ino trailed behind her for a moment before deciding instead to go and get something to drink.

Naruto felt Sasuke’s hand on his chest, grasping his shirt, and he felt all of his attention pulled to those dark eyes. Magnet. Black hole. “What?”

“I want to dance,” Sasuke said. His voice was raised because the band was beginning to play louder. This was a movie. 

“Y-yeah, we can dance,” Naruto said. He hated the way his voice shook, or how loud his gulp was. He led Sasuke out onto the dance floor. For once, no one was paying him too much attention. No one but Sasuke. People came up to him constantly during school, after school, when he was minding his own business, talking to him and asking him about his career as though they knew him. And as though he knew the answers to any of their questions, when he didn’t. _No,_ he didn’t know what he’d do once school was finished. _No,_ he didn’t already have aspirations to play professional. And _no,_ he wasn’t ready to leave. 

It started chest to chest. Sasuke’s eyes were on fire, and Naruto felt himself melting. His fingers molded to Sasuke’s body before he could stop himself, but Sasuke didn’t protest. Sasuke instead drew himself ever closer, so close that Naruto didn’t know who was breathing in and who was breathing out. The music was thumping in Naruto’s chest, and it must have been in Sasuke’s too, because his breathing was getting shorter. His asthma. “Do you have your inhaler?” Naruto asked. He didn’t bother to stop his eyelids from fluttering when Sasuke’s fingers gripped his collar at the back of his neck.

“Yes, it’s in my pocket,” Sasuke said. There was sweat on his brow. He was working hard, but he made it look very easy. Graceful. Sasuke was so perfect. He fit perfectly into Naruto’s hands when he turned around and pressed the back of himself to Naruto’s front. They’d never done this before.

Naruto didn’t think it was possible to feel anything like this before he’d felt it for Sasuke. He couldn’t stop himself from digging his nails a little deeper into Sasuke’s sides when Sasuke moved just a little to the left, or pressed back harder. He must have been after something. Naruto was nearly on his knees by the time the slow song came on. They danced for what felt like hours, an eternity. Sasuke’s arms sling themselves around Naruto’s neck, and he was drawn into Sasuke’s space. Sasuke wasn’t a very good slow dancer; he didn’t have very much practice, he said. When Sasuke started to slow down, Naruto looked at his watch and saw it had been two hours already.

“Are you thirsty?” Naruto lips touched the shell of Sasuke’s ear when he spoke. 

“I could go for a drink,” Sasuke said. Naruto could see his eyes were still ablaze, but it was smoldering low now. His intensity was a little lower.

Naruto let himself be led to the table with the punch. “This shit again?” The drinks were in bowls, like at Sakura’s house. 

Sasuke laughed behind his hand. “I’ll do it,” he said. “Which one do you want?” There were three different kinds of drinks. Pink, purple, and red. 

“Purple,” Naruto said after a moment of thought. Sasuke poured himself the pink drink after handing Naruto the purple one.

“It’s, like, strawberry,” Sasuke said. He smacked his lips together a little.

“This is grape. Not very Valentine’s, I must say.” Naruto held his cup out, and it took Sasuke a moment to realize that Naruto wanted to do a cheers. 

“What’s this to?” Sasuke asked over the rim of his cup.

“To the way you look tonight,” Naruto said. Sasuke rolled his eyes hard, but he still drained his cup. 

“It’s hot,” Sasuke said matter-of-factly.

Naruto nodded. “Yes, it is.” He was about to try to make another joke, but Sasuke’s eyes changed again. He seemed… put off.

“What?” Naruto turned around to follow Sasuke’s eyes, and he dropped his cup. It didn’t hit his shoes, but he wouldn’t have cared if it had.

Sasuke had caught sight of Hinata. She was wearing a purple dress, like she always did to any formal event. That was the only way Naruto even knew who it was, because she was facing away from them. Her face was in someone’s neck. Her arms were wrapped around someone’s shoulders. Naruto had to squint to see who it was, but he wasn’t even shocked to see Kiba’s face when he pulled away from her hair.

“Naruto—” Sasuke’s hand touched Naruto’s shoulder lightly. 

Naruto turned back to Sasuke and shrugged. “It literally doesn’t matter,” he said. “She can be happy. She _should_ be happy. I’m happy.” He could think about it later, when he was alone. It didn’t matter, anyway. Hinata wasn’t his property, and he wasn’t hers. They didn’t belong to one another anymore. Naruto belonged to Sasuke, belonged at his side forever. Naruto’s hand touched Sasuke’s face, and Sasuke melted into it.

“Are you?” Sasuke teased. He motioned to the cup and the drink on the floor. “You seem a little uncoordinated, if I’m being honest.”

“Uncoordinated, huh?” Naruto pulled Sasuke close to him by his waist. It wasn’t lost on him, the way Sasuke’s breath caught in his throat. “You just love to wind me up,” he said gruffly. 

“You have no self control,” Sasuke corrected him. His voice was small. 

Naruto raised an eyebrow. “I don’t? You’ve said that before,” he said. He released Sasuke and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I guess I don’t have any self control. Got to control myself.”

Sasuke huffed. “Stop it,” he whined. 

“Stop what? I’m just trying to make sure I control myself,” Naruto said. He stepped over the mess he’d made and held out his hand for Sasuke to take. “Do you want to dance some more?”

Naruto watched as the last embers in Sasuke’s eyes were suddenly stoked up high, so that the fire nearly burned Naruto even where he stood. “No,” Sasuke said shortly. He crushed the cup with his fancy shoe on his way over to Naruto. The force in his actions nearly knocked Naruto over. Sasuke leaned up so that his mouth was nearly completely enveloping Naruto’s earlobe. 

“Take me home,” Sasuke whispered. 

All of Naruto’s _teasing_ and _smirking_ and _smugness_ went away when he felt those words hit his ear.

“Are you sure?” Naruto stuttered.

“Yeah, take me to the car,” Sasuke said. 

Naruto was closer to begging than he’d ever been before by the time they were tripping out of the gym doors. The air was crisp, and it felt good against Naruto's hot skin. Sasuke was impatient, dragging Naruto along behind him. He tapped his foot while Naruto fumbled with his keys, and he shoved himself into the backseat without any sort of pretense about what they were really going to be doing.

Sasuke was waiting for him. “Wait, wait, let me take my shoes off first,” Naruto said hurriedly. Sasuke was trying to get on top of him before he had even properly sat back. 

“When do you have to be home?” Naruto asked. He was trying to be the one with the level head, but Sasuke made it so very difficult when his fingers were starting to work Naruto’s shirt open and his hips were already grinding down hard. 

“Um, like, ten? Ten. I don’t want her to worry about me,” Sasuke said decisively. He sat up straighter and his eyes trailed over Naruto’s face. 

“Ten. Got it.” Naruto checked his watch again. That gave them just under two hours. Naruto would surely be finished by then. 

Sasuke leaned down and kissed Naruto, hard, at the same time that he pushed Naruto’s jacket off of his shoulders. Naruto pulled it off blindly and let it fall _wherever_ . He felt Sasuke’s hands clutching his shoulders. So good, so familiar. Sasuke wanted him. Naruto _needed_ Sasuke.

It always got to the same point before Sasuke told him they had to stop, or at least slow down. Slow down meant stop, to Naruto, because it wasn’t _yes_ or _keep going_ . And it was difficult, because before Sasuke had only been Hinata. Hinata was the definition of willing. Naruto didn’t have to try the doors; they were already open. She wanted anything that he was going to give her. Sasuke had boundaries, and Naruto wanted to make sure he appreciated them. He wanted to make sure that this was _different_ than that.

But it was _hard_ when Sasuke moved over him in the particular way he did whenever Naruto’s fingers started to curl in the way he liked so much. It was _hard_ when Sasuke was breathing Naruto’s name in his ear. It was _hard_ when Sasuke’s fingers grasped his arms. And it was nearly impossible when Sasuke’s hips started to stutter in their rhythm. Naruto had to close his eyes. He was so close to begging that it wasn’t even funny. 

When the first ‘please’ fell past his lips, Sasuke was between his legs, and he hadn’t heard. But then Naruto mumbled it again, and Sasuke looked up at him with a quirked eyebrow for a moment. The eye contact sent a jolt of heat up Naruto’s spine. He laid his hand over Sasuke’s head, threaded his fingers into Sasuke’s hair, and told himself to just feel. To not think so much. Sasuke was so talented and so special, and he liked to know it. 

“Please what?” Sasuke asked, his voice wrecked. He sat up and coughed a little. Naruto’s chest was heaving and he could barely even hear Sasuke.

“I’ve been wanting to ask you something for, like. Weeks,” Naruto said breathlessly. Sasuke came to him, wanting to be wrapped up, and Naruto held him.

“So ask me,” Sasuke said. “Unless you’re chicken.”

“I’m not _chicken._ You’re a child,” Naruto said. “I just. I wanna be with you.”

“You’re with me right now,” Sasuke pointed out.

Naruto rolled his eyes. “You know what I’m talking about,” he said.

Sasuke sighed, but his body didn’t tense. “Naruto,” he said, and his voice trailed off. Naruto sighed. He knew that tone.

“I don’t want to try to convince you,” Naruto said, before Sasuke could interrupt him. “But it’s driving me crazy. I think about you all the time, every second. I want to be with you every second, I want to talk to you. And I remember you said that I needed time, time to figure out what you mean to me.”

Sasuke’s voice was small when he said, “What do I mean to you?” They weren’t looking at each other. It was still so tense. Naruto was begging.

“You mean everything to me. The world, the universe, everything that’s ever existed. Yesterday, today, tomorrow. My past. Right now. The future. You’re the reason.” Naruto felt Sasuke’s shoulders start to shake, but he kept going. He had to keep going. “It caused me _pain_ to realize the way I must have made you feel,” Naruto continued. “To know that you love me the way that you do, and I still did what I did… I don’t really know the word for what the feeling was, but it was intense, and it was bad. I wasn’t ok. And you were the only person I wanted to talk to about it, but I couldn’t.”

Sasuke was crying, but Naruto couldn’t stop himself now. “I just think about you, not knowing what to do. And I don’t know what I’m going to do without you, either. I’ve never been without you. I’ve never had to, and I’ve never wanted to. And it’s getting so close, so close that it keeps me up at night sometimes.” Naruto’s thumbs traced circles into Sasuke’s bare shoulders, even as they shook. “I want to make the most of the time we have together,” Naruto said. “So please, please. I want, I _need_ another chance. To show you. To make you believe me.”

Sasuke was quiet for a long time, trying not to cry too loud. Maybe it was that, and maybe it was his asthma. Naruto just held him, and rocked him a little bit. When Kushina held him this way, he always felt better. Eventually, Sasuke sniffled a few times and finally brought his head from Naruto’s neck. 

“I believe you,” Sasuke said, his voice barely above a whisper. And it was everything, everything that Naruto had been begging for.

He brought Kushina home with him after he dropped Sasuke off. He made sure she was safely tucked into the car before he went back to the doorstep, where Sasuke was waiting. Kissing him this time held a lot less heat, but it was full of something else. Their emotions. Naruto almost couldn’t breathe when Sasuke pulled away from him and promised that he’d call him some time tomorrow, after work.

After his shower, underneath his own covers, Naruto thought about what he’d seen at that dance. In that crowded gym, he’d seen Hinata with _Kiba_ , after she had told Naruto for years not to worry about that kid. But every time he thought about that, he thought about Sasuke. He thought about the way Sasuke looked at him, the way Sasuke danced with him. The way Sasuke looked, on top of him and begging him to go faster, and how Sasuke sounded whispering nonsense into his ear. How Sasuke had said that he _believed_ Naruto. And that was what mattered. Hinata was the past. And, in a way, she wasn’t, really. Sasuke was everything Naruto had ever known, had ever needed. Then, now, and forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fricken i cried when i wrote this bc i listened to night changes and it just sort knocked me out lmao i’m such a crybaby but i had a good time writing this, exploring new metaphors and also giving insight to narutos feelings. i hope you all enjoyed, and i think the next chapter will have a little more action


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i spent some time w this bc i’m not gonna lie, i literally almost skipped it lol return of the man Lee!! konoha’s green beastttt i hope you guys like this one! it’s long and i’m sorry that i suck

Somehow, February turned to March before Sasuke was ready. It got warmer, and there was more rain. Dior didn’t like thunderstorms, and she always tried to come and hide underneath Sasuke’s bed. He had to rub her with a dryer sheet so that static electricity didn’t build up in her fur. He thought it was ridiculous, but Mikoto insisted. 

Mikoto was thinking of trying to go back to school. She had a degree in some sort of political whatever, and she said that she could do a lot of stuff with it. “If you could do a lot of stuff,” Sasuke said, “then why  _ don’t  _ you? And what sort of stuff?”

“Be a lawyer,” was Mikoto’s first response. There were a lot of steps that went with that, she admitted. “But I could work in city hall, if I got a Master’s. I could run for office, but… I really don’t want to do that.”

Sasuke couldn’t see Mikoto being a public official, but he wouldn’t doubt her. If that was her dream, he wanted her to follow it. He knew the reason that she didn’t finish living her dreams to begin with was because she got married and pregnant right in the middle of trying to live them. “I think you can do whatever you wanna do,” Sasuke assured her. “If you ever need my help, I’ll do my best. But I’m not sure how much I can help you with law.”

Speaking about college reminded Sasuke that Naruto’s signing day was drawing nearer. First, it had been a month away. Then, two weeks. Then, one week. And then, Sasuke woke up Monday morning, and he knew instantly. It was March twenty-third. Signing day. Sasuke knew that he was supposed to be excited, and maybe he was, a little bit. But this was the beginning of the end. He made a promise to himself, as he was brushing his teeth, that he wouldn’t let his own feelings ruin this day for Naruto. It was going to be fun, and happy. 

A  _ usual  _ school day dragged on for Sasuke. March twenty third felt like it took a year. Then, in Sasuke’s last period, a call came over the P.A. system. 

“Attention, students and faculty. The signing of intent will commence in 15 minutes. Please, if you are permitting your students to attend, have them leave class in an orderly fashion and sit in their assigned sections. Thank you.”

Sasuke tapped his fingers idly on the side of his desk as he waited. Waited, waited. He was wearing the UNC shirt that Naruto had insisted upon buying for him. At first, he’d hated the idea of how obvious that would be. But the longer he’d let it hang in his closet, the more he couldn’t wait to wear it. He also had a “friends and family” pass, signed by the principal, which meant that he could sit in the front row with Naruto’s parents. 

“Alright, kids,” Sasuke’s ecology teacher droned, “if you want to go to the signing, you can go. But don’t run.” Then he turned around and went back to teaching about  _ niches  _ and  _ fitness _ . Sasuke was out of his chair within seconds. 

People usually went to signings just because it was a way to get out of class; Sasuke had done this plenty of times in the past. But today, the hallways were packed with people who were actually  _ interested _ in seeing this. There were two other students signing today, two of Naruto’s teammates. One of them was Kiba. Sasuke had tried to ask Naruto how he felt about the fact Kiba and Hinata were… something, but Naruto insisted he didn’t care. Sasuke hoped that Naruto didn’t have to sit next to Kiba. 

Mostly, as Sasuke was nearly running to the gym, he was praying that nothing bad would happen. He didn’t know what, or why, but he was getting a feeling that today wasn’t going to go as planned. Maybe it was just the fact that Sasuke didn’t want this to be happening, but there was a prickle going up his arms as he found a seat between Sakura and Kushina.

Once the gym was nearly packed to its full capacity, Coach Guy took the microphone and shushed the masses. “Parents, students! Today is the first day of the spring season for signings! Please, give a round of applause for our fiery student-athletes!” A thunderous applause kicked up, and Naruto’s face was split wide with the shiniest smile Sasuke had ever seen. 

“Alright, alright. Today, we have three students representing three different schools, as well as three different disciplines. They have been working hard for four long years for this recognition. It’s been hard. They’ve been tired,” Coach Guy said. He turned to face them slightly. “There have been times when they didn’t want to come to practice, when they didn’t want to do their drills, when they didn’t have an end in sight. But they kept working, harder than most of us have ever worked, to get to this place. And so,” Coach Guy turned back to the audience, “without further ado, let me introduce the first of our three signees.”

Some more clapping, and then tense silence. “First, we have Kiba Inuzuka. Now, Kiba here is a triathlete, and a damn good one,” Coach Guy said. Kiba seemed abashed by this praise, as his face began to flush. He scratched the back of his neck while Guy continued. “He swims alongside playing soccer and baseball. Today, he’s signing to Wake Forest for baseball.” Guy approached Kiba and leaned closer to him. “Tell, us, young man, what drove you to choose baseball out of your three disciplines?”

Kiba took the microphone when it was offered. “Well, first. I’d just like to thank my Mom, uh, and my sister. You guys have always been there for me, and believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself. To my dog, Akamaru, I say I love you.” Kiba’s family raised a small amount of cheers that included the baying of quite a few dogs. Sasuke wasn’t sure how they were allowed to have so many dogs in here. 

Kiba started talking again, and he seemed almost embarrassed by what he was about to say next. “I also wanna thank the girl that I love, the person I’ve loved for a long time. You make me better,” Kiba said, and an ‘aw’ went through the crowd. Sasuke caught Naruto’s eye roll that he didn’t try to hide. 

“Who’s he talking about?” Sakura leaned close to whisper. Her arm pressed into Sasuke's side. They were wearing matching shirts.

“Hinata,” Sasuke mumbled back. Sakura covered her mouth with her hand to gasp. 

“But, um. To answer your question,” Kiba said, “I chose baseball because I like it the most. I have a lot of fun with those guys. Just a little more fun than I have with soccer or swimming. Just a little.” The crowd laughed as Kiba handed the microphone back to Guy. 

“Excellent. And, what will you be studying?” Guy asked. 

Kiba leaned forward to answer, “Mathematics,” and then said straight in his chair again.

“Thank you, Kiba. Next, we have Shino Aburame.” Sasuke’s palms were beginning to hurt from all of the clapping. He just wanted to hear from Naruto. He didn’t really care too much about what Kiba or Shino had to say. 

“Shino here is signing for tennis. Now, Shino, what made you decide to sign to Konoha? I’m sure it wouldn’t have been so hard to get in, given your record of academic achievements?” Guy asked, and then he handed Shino the microphone. 

Shino cleared his throat before he began. “They’re going to pay me the most money,” he said simply, and then he handed the mic back.

Guy laughed and nodded. “Yes, money is always a good reason. What will you be studying, and do you have anyone you’d like to thank?”

Shino leaned toward the mic. “My parents. And my bug collection. I will be studying physics.” He sat back then. 

Coach Guy moved on, finally, to Naruto. “This is it! My boy, my boy,” Kushina said in an excited whisper. She was talking to Minato, but Sasuke still heard. If he’d thought his t-shirt would be obvious, he must not have known the meaning of the word. Kushina and Minato were both wearing complete UNC-themed outfits, from their heads all the way down to their toes. Their hats, jackets, shirts, and even their  _ shoes _ had to do with the Tar Heels.

“Now, finally, we have Naruto Uzumaki—” 

The entire gym  _ shook  _ with the way people were clapping for Naruto. Sasuke’s ears were starting to ring when it ended. 

“Yes! Naruto! You are the future!” Sasuke heard above him. He turned his head to see Lee, clapping and shouting. Sitting next to him was the red headed guy, oh, what was his name? Sasuke didn’t remember. He had the same stoic look on his face that he always did, and his arms were crossed. His eyes were on Lee, though, and Sasuke could see even from this distance that they were mush.

Guy called order in the gym, and it fell into relative silence once more. “Mr Uzumaki is signing for soccer, to UNC.” Kushina whooped at this, and Naruto made a face at her. “Now, Naruto, what drove you to choose UNC?”

Naruto took the microphone and held it awkwardly. He wasn’t used to talking in front of so many people, Sasuke knew. “Well, uh, I was really just hoping that someone would call,” he said. The crowd laughed.

“Yes, yes,” Guy said. Sasuke had to strain to hear, since he didn’t have the mic. “What will you be studying?”

“Geography,” Naruto replied. 

“And is there anyone that you’d like to thank?” 

Sasuke felt his heart beginning to beat out of his chest. He was sure glad that he’d brought his inhaler with him. Naruto’s eyes scanned the stands, until they landed on his family. “Of course, my Mother and Father,” Naruto began. “They put up with me when they really shouldn’t have. I couldn’t have asked for a better pair of people to come together and love me the way they have. Thank you.” 

Kushina was crying, but her face was still so strong. She was determined. Minato was just crying, and Kushina had an arm around his shoulders while he put his head on hers. Naruto scratched his chin as he thought. “Um, my friend Sakura, that I’ve known my whole life. I love you, too. You always make sure I handle myself even when I don’t want to.” Sakura gave Naruto a wide smile and a thumbs up.

Naruto’s eyes caught Sasuke’s then, and he felt faint. He was dizzy. His palms were sweating. His fingertips were numb. It was hot in there, all of a sudden. Naruto wouldn’t do this, wouldn’t  _ say  _ this—

“And last, but certainly not least, I’d really like to thank someone special to me.” Naruto’s eyes bore holes in Sasuke’s soul. “I’m not going to say any names,” Sasuke let out a heavy breath at this, “but they know who they are. Thank you, so much, for making me who I am today. For sticking by me, and for teaching me things I never thought possible. I don’t know where I’d be without you. Don’t know  _ what _ I’ll be without you. Thank you.” Naruto handed the mic back to Guy, and he made a soft face.

“Love, how beautiful.” Guy turned to the crowd once more. “Thank you, the three of you. Now, before we can leave here, we must let them do the honors. Boys, if you’ll pick up your pens…”

Sasuke could  _ touch  _ the air when each of the three of them picked up their pens. “Alright. Whenever you’re ready, go ahead and sign them,” Guy said. Them. The letters of intent.  _ Contracts _ . Sasuke held his breath as he watched Naruto, Kiba, and Shino all scribble their names across the bottoms of the papers, and then pull their respective hats over their heads. The gym erupted, once more, into raucous noise. They all smiled at one another, pride shining in each of their eyes. Kushina stood tall and proud, and her voice carried over all of the others. 

“My son! My son! Naruto!” She clapped and cheered with wild abandon. Minato was still crying. Sakura stood, too, and she pulled Sasuke up with her. Behind him, Sasuke could hear Rock Lee, shouting about how Naruto’s youth would never be forgotten in the halls of Konoha High.

Most people went back to class after that, but Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto’s parents stayed behind, as well as those who were there to see Kiba and Shino. Sasuke watched as a total of five dogs all ran and bowled Kiba over. He was in a daze as he wandered over to Naruto’s side. Feeling Naruto’s arm wrap right around his waist brought him back from the atmosphere.

“Baby! You did so well, you spoke so eloquently!” Kushina said. She grabbed Naruto up in her strong arms, and for a moment Naruto’s hold on Sasuke was lost. He watched patiently as Kushina squeezed the life out of Naruto, and then as Minato simply patted Naruto hard on the back.

“We have never been more proud of you. Proud to call you our son,” Minato said. Naruto’s face was red, and Sasuke didn’t know if it was from the heat or from embarrassment.

“Thank you. You guys look kind of ridiculous,” Naruto admitted. 

Kushina scoffed. “We had to make sure everyone knew who we’re here for,” she said. Sakura took a picture of the three of them together, and then of Naruto and Sasuke. 

Sasuke had to remember who was around them, so that he didn’t do anything embarrassing with his hands. All he wanted to do was touch Naruto and kiss him and tell him how amazing he was, but he instead just let himself be pulled tight to Naruto’s side, and smiled all of the emotions he was feeling at the moment. Then, Sakura handed Sasuke the phone so that he could take a picture of herself and Naruto. Finally, Kushina took a photo of all three of them. “Gonna get these framed,” she said. “You guys have been friends all your lives and now, look at this! New beginnings.” 

The beginning of the end. 

Sasuke and Sakura hung back when people started to come up, wanting pictures with Naruto. It was fine; Sasuke needed time to think, anyway. As they went back to sit on the front row of the bleachers, Sasuke’s mind wandered back to the words Naruto had said.  _ Making me who I am today _ . Sasuke let out a soft breath at the memory of it. He’d never forget that; that Naruto had sat in front of the entire school, in front of all of these people, in front of the  _ television _ (it was being recorded for the local news), and had said something so personal. It could  _ only  _ have been for Sasuke, and anyone who knew Naruto knew that.

“Naruto! Please, I need to speak with you!” 

Sasuke’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. He turned his head toward the sound of the voice and pinched the bridge of his nose. It was Rock Lee, coming up to Naruto with his strange serious demeanor. The red headed boy wasn’t with him, but when Sasuke turned his head to look at where they’d been sitting, he found him still there.

“Yo, Lee! I heard you were coming back just to see me,” Naruto said. Sasuke was a little ways away, so he couldn’t really hear what they were talking about after that. He saw Naruto’s mother take a picture of Naruto and Lee together. He was straining to hear them, so maybe that’s why he didn’t notice the guy coming up behind him.

“You are Sasuke, yes?” It was the red headed boy. Sasuke turned in one swift motion and nearly fell backwards. Sakura caught him, and they exchanged a glance.

“Um, yes? Who are you?” Sasuke asked.

“Gaara.” 

Yes, right. Gaara. He went to Suna. As far as Sasuke knew, he was a senior this year. He’d just stopped coming to Konoha because Lee wasn’t there anymore.

“Alright… what do you want?” Sasuke hated the way his voice sounded; so  _ thin,  _ but still dripping with uncertainty. At least he had Sakura here next to him. She scooted closer when she hears the tone of Sasuke’s voice.

“To apologize,” Gaara said. He never uncrossed his arms. 

Sasuke had never been more confused in his entire life. “For what? Do I know you?”

“My brother is Kankuro,” Gaara said in lieu of answering the question. Sasuke had to force his mouth to close after it dropped open. Sakura audibly gasped.

“That… that guy’s your brother? He—” Sakura began, but Gaara interrupted her.

“Assaulted your friend. Yes, I know. I was there.” Gaara sat down,  _ finally.  _ All of his standing was making Sasuke nervous. He still kept his arms crossed. 

“Ok, so you’re saying sorry for that? On his behalf?” Sasuke didn’t really know what the point of  _ that  _ was. It was over, first of all, and anyway, Temari had—

Hold on. 

“Temari is your sister,” Sasuke said. Not a question. 

Gaara nodded. “Yes. She is my sister, Kankuro is my brother. I suppose I should have elaborated this as well.”

Sasuke ran a hand over his face. Here was this  _ boy _ , related to two of the biggest problems Sasuke’s life had ever seen, and he was just sitting here. Talking. Nonchalant. With no emotions, really. Apathetic to the fact that his brother punched Naruto in the face and his sister’s ex-boyfriend had had all sorts of relations with Sasuke in the past. Sasuke supposed it wouldn’t matter to Gaara, or that it shouldn’t, anyway. And evidently, it didn’t.

“I just wanted to extend an apology on behalf of my idiot brother,” Gaara said. He rolled his eyes. It was the first time Sasuke had seen him show real emotion, besides the look in his eyes when he was watching Lee.

“Oh, uh. Thanks. But you shouldn’t tell me that, you should tell Naruto,” Sasuke said. He jerked a thumb over his shoulder. 

Sasuke had been beginning to think that Gaara would go and do just that when he stood up. But it turned out that he was just standing again. “I know what happened with my sister,” he said.

Sasuke’s eyes turned to the ground then. For fuck’s sake. He didn’t want to talk about this, especially not with someone that was so closely related to the situation. “I thought you might,” Sasuke said eventually.

“She doesn’t blame you for it,” Gaara said. Sasuke didn’t know whether or not to be surprised. “That Nara boy was always unsure of himself. Temari is  _ too  _ sure of herself. They were never meant to be,” he said. “They weren’t connected.”

“Pardon?” Sakura spoke up after a while. 

“Temari had nothing to do with what Kankuro did. We have caused you two a lot of stress. And for that, even though they told me not to, I apologize.” Gaara sighed then.

“Yes, thanks. I appreciate that,” Sasuke said slowly. He didn’t really have much else to say, honestly. He wanted to get out of there, and fast. By this time, school was already over, so he was free to leave. As soon as this  _ kid  _ would stop talking to him about things he didn’t want to ever think about again.

“I think we’re just gonna…” Sasuke pointed behind himself again, in Naruto’s general direction, and made a quick move to get away before Gaara could say anything else. He hoped Sakura had followed behind him, but he didn’t want to look back to check.

“Oh, Sakura, Sasuke! Hello! I see you are here to celebrate Naruto’s powerful youth with him, too.” That was how Rock Lee greeted Sasuke when he made his way over to the two of them. He didn’t know Lee that well, but he knew that that was a  _ mild  _ greeting. 

“Hi, Lee. Yes, I’m here to celebrate him.” Sasuke turned his eyes up to Naruto’s for a brief moment. He smiled a tiny smile. “He’s amazing.”

“Amazing is not the word!” Lee said. Sasuke’s attention was drawn to him at once. Sakura jumped next to him. “Naruto is legendary! He will be a star, a hero!” Sasuke caught sight of Gaara coming to stand next to Lee, and his heart sunk.

“Naruto, I must be leaving soon,” Lee said. 

“We’ve got our picture, I’ve signed you an autograph,” Naruto teased, counting on his fingers. “I guess you’re free to go.”

“Before I go,” Lee said, and he grasped Naruto’s shoulder tightly. “Whoever you were speaking about before, hold them tight to your heart. Never let them go, no matter what happens.”

Sasuke closed his eyes as Lee spoke.  _ I don’t know where I’d be without you _ . Sasuke turned to Naruto when he heard him hum. 

“Oh, yeah. I don’t plan on letting them go anywhere. It’s gonna be hard, I’m sure,” Naruto said, and he turned to look at Sasuke. “But I’m sure that we can make it work, no matter what might stand in our way. However long it takes.” 

Lee took his hand from Naruto’s shoulder and flashed him a grin and a thumbs up. “I like that spirit! See Gaara here? He makes me the very best I can be.” 

Sasuke raised his eyebrows. So  _ that’s  _ what he was here for. Sasuke watched as Gaara’s face grew nearly as red as his hair. “Stop, please,” he mumbled. Lee did  _ not  _ stop, and instead wrapped his arm around Gaara’s middle.

“That’s very sweet,” Naruto said politely. He gave an audible sigh when his phone started ringing in his pocket. “It’s my Mom, gonna take this,” he said quickly. When he went to stand far away, Sasuke and Sakura were left with Lee and Gaara once more.

“Well, we should be leaving soon,” Gaara said. He had to look up at Lee to meet his eyes, but only slightly. 

“Yes, this is true. I have a game tomorrow! I asked for special permission to be here. Please tell Naruto that I am excited to see his progress! And he can send me that picture whenever he’s ready,” Lee said. 

“We’ll let him know,” Sakura promised. She and Sasuke both bid Lee and Gaara goodbye, and as soon as the coast was clear, they both ran to where Naruto had hidden himself to take Kushina’s call.

“Yes, Mom. I’ll be home for dinner. Oh, wait, what? I don’t know. I’ll ask,” Naruto said. He took the phone from his ear slightly. “My mom wants to know if you guys want to come with us to eat,” Naruto inquired. 

“Where at? I can go,” Sakura said. She glanced at Sasuke, who shrugged.

“Yeah, I think that’d be fine.”

“Some buffet, I guess. My Dad suggested it. Can your parents come, too?”

Sakura pulled her phone out and texted her parents, and Sasuke called Mikoto. “Hey, Ma. Naruto’s parents wanna know if we can go and eat with them? It’s his signing day,” Sasuke explained.

“Oh, yes! I was going to ask you what you wanted for dinner, I didn’t have any ideas. Just tell me what I need to know,” Mikoto said. They chatted about Dior, and then Sasuke hung up. 

Finally, when none of them were talking to parents, they all sort just stood there. They were enjoying each other’s company. Naruto’s eyes were a little low; he was exhausted, Sasuke could tell. Naruto yawned before he broke their comfortable silence.

“Think I’m gonna head out,” he said. 

Sakura nodded along with what Naruto said. “Yeah, me too. I need to wash my hair,” she said. “Good job,  _ champion _ .” Sakura slapped Naruto’s back hard, and gave Sasuke a pointed look before she left.

Sasuke knew what she was saying with her eyes. He knew that he had to tell Naruto about the strange conversation they’d had with Gaara,  _ and  _ what Kiba had said,  _ and  _ what Naruto had said. But for now, he was sleepy, too, and all he wanted to do was be held by Naruto. 

“You’re gonna go home?” Sasuke asked. They were walking to the parking lot, which was still partially full of cars. 

“Yeah, dunno. I’m kind of tired,” Naruto said, lifting a shoulder in a shrug. “Plus, I’m gonna have to do my hair and stuff.” Naruto went to run a hand into his hair, but he first had to lift his hat. “Look at this thing,” Naruto said, holding it out. “I’m a  _ student  _ at this school. Literally. Fuck.”

Sasuke sighed. “That’s crazy,” he agreed. He blinked slowly. It was hard to keep his eyes open. “I have to tell you something,” he mumbled. 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Sasuke nodded. “A little later. I need to take a nap.” He turned his eyes to Naruto’s face, which was focused on him so intently that Sasuke had to look away. 

“Do you want to—”

“Yes.”

And that was how Sasuke ended up in Naruto’s bed, with his shirt off, completely asleep. It was easy, and so  _ good _ . They didn’t have to talk, they didn’t have to think. They didn’t  _ have _ to touch each other, they didn’t  _ have  _ to kiss (though they did, minimally).They were just sleeping. Sasuke usually didn’t dream anymore, not since he’d started having his visions. But whenever he slept in the bed with Naruto, he had dreams. He had  _ long  _ dreams and they were always good. They had Naruto and Sakura and Itachi and Mikoto in them, as well as Kushina and Minato sometimes. Most of the time, it was nonsense, but Sasuke always woke up feeling warm. Naruto’s arm would be around his waist, pulling him  _ so  _ close, and Sasuke’s head would be on Naruto’s chest. Comfortable, and warm. Perfect. 

That was how they woke up hours later, when Kushina started banging around in the room down the hall. Naruto snorted before he woke up, dragging Sasuke into consciousness with him. 

“You have to wear the hat,” Kushina said, when Naruto was beginning to do his hair.

“What? Why! We already took pictures,” Naruto complained. Sasuke was chuckling his entire way down the stairs. He had hastily pulled his shirt back over his head, and it was rumpled when Sasuke got into his car. He needed to take a shower, and talk to Mikoto, so he had decided not to stay. He’d see Naruto soon enough.

Sasuke was greeted by Dior at the front door. Mikoto was making noise up the stairs. “Mom?”

“Yeah?” 

Sasuke let out a breath. “You need to lock the door when you’re here alone,” he called sternly. He traipsed up the stairs and into his room, to try and pick out a decent outfit. This wasn’t a date, it was just a dinner. Still, Sasuke found himself wearing a  _ collar _ and cologne.

“Oh, I’ll be fine,” Mikoto said. “How was it, the signing?”

Sasuke brought his shoes into her room with him so that they could finish talking. “It was really cool. It was hot. But, it was fun. He made them laugh,” Sasuke said. “His parents cried, so much.” 

Mikoto laughed at this. “Kushina, crying? Incredible. I’d expect that from that husband of hers,” she said, “but Kushina?” Mikoto hummed. “She really loves that boy.”

Sasuke nodded. “Yes. I’m really proud of him,” he said. He felt wistful. Being proud of Naruto wouldn’t change the fact that Naruto was leaving soon, sooner than Sasuke even wanted to remember. They would have the lake trip next week, since next week was spring break, and then Naruto would be  _ gone _ . In Carolina, with classes and credits and books and fees to worry about. The beginning of the end. Sasuke rolled his eyes at himself. Too much drama. Today wasn’t about that.

“I know you are.” Mikoto smoothed her hair over her back. “Are you ready?”

Sasuke nodded. Mikoto wanted to hold his hand, so he let her. She drove them both to the address Naruto had sent. Sasuke left her to chat with Mebuki and Kushina while he went over to Sakura and Naruto. 

“Aw, look at her,” Sasuke said. “She painted her nails.” Sasuke took Sakura’s hand and examined her nails. They matched her bright blue blouse. Still with UNC colors, just not the shirt she was wearing earlier.

“Ino painted them, thank you very  _ much _ .” Sakura yanked her hand from Sasuke’s grasp. 

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Of course she did. When are you going to ask her to marry you?”

Sakura made a face and she looked as though she was about to slap Sasuke’s arm, but Naruto cleared his throat and forced them to pay attention to him. “You  _ better _ not,” he said sharply to Sakura. “This is, and you know how much I love to say this, about  _ me  _ tonight. So shut it,” he said. 

Sakura rolled her eyes this time. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t be an ass,” she said, waving a dismissive hand. She let Naruto go ahead of them, and she hooked her arm into Sasuke’s as they walked. 

“Did you tell him?” Sakura asked.

“No, we just slept,” Sasuke said. Sakura raises an eyebrow in his direction. “I’m  _ serious. _ Look, see.” Sasuke curled his fingers underneath his collar and pulled it down slightly to reveal his skin. No marks. 

Sakura hmphed. “Fine. You need to tell him, just so that he knows.” 

“Yeah, I know,” Sasuke sighed. But they both knew that now was not the time. It wasn’t as though the conversation had been particularly awful. Sasuke just didn’t want to bring it up when it wasn’t necessary.

Now was the time to eat, and be with family. Sasuke’s family wasn’t just Mikoto; Sasuke’s family was Sakura, Naruto, Mebuki, Kushina, Minato, and Kizashi. These people were his family, and always had been. Itachi too, even though he was far away. Sasuke would have to call him tonight.

Naruto sat at the head of the table, with Sasuke and Sakura at either of his sides. When there was a lull in the conversation, Naruto stood suddenly and raised his sparkling apple juice high. “Listen, everyone,” he said. Everyone’s attention turned to Naruto.

“I just want to say, thank you to everyone here,” Naruto said. “Thank you  _ all  _ for being there for me, and believing in me, and putting up with me, and making me learn things I didn’t really want to learn, and telling me things I really didn’t want to hear. For making me grow up.” Everyone clacked their cups together. Sakura went so hard that some of her drink spilled onto the table.

When it was time to leave, the adults gathered up their children after saying one last long goodbye. It wasn’t really  _ goodbye _ , it was  _ see you later _ . But saying bye to Naruto only reminded Sasuke that eventually, he’d have to say it to Naruto for real. And then it would be months before they saw each other again. Sasuke had never,  _ ever _ gone longer than a week without knowing that Naruto was just down the street, waiting for him. He didn’t know how he was going to handle it.

Sasuke grumbled to himself as he waited for Itachi to pick up the phone. Whatever Naruto was doing,  _ Naruto  _ was doing it. Sasuke would have to detach himself once and for all, so that he didn’t drive himself insane with missing Naruto and needing him. 

“Hello?” Itachi’s voice was scratchy. 

“Hey. Are you sick?” 

“No, no,” Itachi coughed. 

Sasuke frowned. “Yeah, right. I just wanted to say hello,” he said. 

He could  _ hear  _ the look on Itachi’s face when he said, “Oh, really? And not to tell me something?”

Sasuke huffed. “Yes, alright. Naruto signed today.”

“Oh, yes, right. I’m sorry I had to miss that,” Itachi said. 

Sasuke leaned closer to Aoda’s tank to see if he was moving around or not. “It was pretty cool,” Sasuke said. “I mean. It kinda made me sad, but I was happy for him.”

“Why did it make you sad?” Itachi asked, concerned.

Sasuke sighed. He tried very hard not to be dramatic as he explained. “It’s just. He’s going to leave soon, Itachi. He’s leaving in 15 days. And that’s not a lot of time. We’ve had years, I know, but I never thought it’d go by so fast, and he’d really be gone sometime.”

Itachi was silent for a while. “I think I can only sympathize. To be quite honest, no one’s ever left me. I’m usually the one doing the leaving.”

“Yes. I guess I can’t expect you to fully understand,” Sasuke said sadly. 

“I’m just glad that you tell me these things. That you tell me how you feel, because I care.”

And Sasuke knew that Itachi meant it. He wished so badly that he’d never left, that he’d just decided to stay and work for the police with Fugaku like he’d always said he would before. Before he went to college, and got his degree in  _ biology _ instead of criminal justice. 

“How is Dior? I think she’ll be able to come with me soon,” Itachi asked.

Sasuke sighed. “She’s  _ fine, _ she’s  _ alive _ , and she’s in my bed.” He turned in his desk chair to see Dior sleeping squarely in the middle of his comforter. He was starting to like her, just the slightest bit.

“So, what else happened today? Anything else you wanna talk about?” Itachi asked. He always had a way of knowing when Sasuke wasn’t saying everything. 

“Oh, yeah. Do you remember the time I told you, some kid punched Naruto during that soccer game?” Sasuke began. “Well, I found out that he’s Shikamaru’s ex-girlfriend’s brother. And she has  _ another  _ brother, and he came up to me today. He apologized for his brother. It wasn’t bad, it was just… strange, I don’t know,” Sasuke sighed.

“That does sound a little weird. But, did it offer any sort of clarity? Closure?” 

“I guess,” Sasuke said. “He said that what happened with me and Shikamaru had nothing to do with his brother’s decision to punch Naruto.” 

“Well, that’s a relief. Listen, tell Mother I’m going to call her later, ok? Tomorrow, maybe. I have to go back to the lab soon,” Itachi said. 

“Yeah, I’ll let her know,” Sasuke said, and then they hung up. He bid his snake goodnight and climbed into bed with Dior. She moved so that her face was shoved underneath a pillow. She made Sasuke smile, he had to admit. “Goodnight,  _ dog, _ ” Sasuke mumbled. He didn’t think he would dream that night, but that was nothing new. He’d tell Naruto what happened, another day. This weekend, maybe. When they went to see Sakura, to discuss the lake trip. Sasuke was sure he’d find a way to slip it into conversation somehow. But more than that, Sasuke began to think about what Kiba had said. 

_ The girl that I love, the person I’ve loved for a long time.  _ A long time? How long was Kiba talking? Naruto and Hinata had been broken up for close to a year now, but to Sasuke that didn’t seem too long. Unless there was something that someone else wasn’t saying? Sasuke shook his head and forced himself to stop worrying so much. Spring break was nearly upon them all. And then.

The end would begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just image gaara really wanting naruto to succeed from afar and not ~quite~ being in love with him but understanding what he feels is the need to know that naruto is happy. that is canon idc you can’t tell me lmao


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know the drill: sorry for the delay, i hope you like it, school is making me blehhh, i worked hard on this haha

“I don’t care that he said that,” Naruto argued. It was after school that Wednesday, two days after Naruto’s signing. They were at the park, since Sasuke didn’t have work for once. He wanted to spend as much time as he possibly could with Naruto before he left, and Kakashi seemed to know that.

“Are you sure? It kinda seems like you do,” Sasuke said tentatively. They were talking about Kiba and Hinata. Sasuke leaned a little against Naruto, but not so much that he was laying on him. Just enough to feel.

“It isn’t that I don’t  _ care, _ ” Naruto said after a while of serious brooding. Sasuke could feel his body, how tense he was. “I just don’t want to think about it, I guess. Because… he said he’s loved her for years.  _ Years _ ? I was with her for  _ years _ . How can those  _ years  _ not overlap?” Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose.

Sasuke understood. Or, he tried to understand. He knew that it must have been frustrating, and also very suspicious. There was obviously something being left unsaid by either Kiba, Hinata, or both of them. “Are you going to ask her?” Sasuke asked.

“I don’t know if I want to know the answer,” Naruto admitted. And Sasuke left it at that. They sat, and enjoyed the sun and the breeze and the fact that at least for today they had time for each other.

That was what Sasuke was thinking about when Sakura interrupted his mind and brought him back to the present.

“So is it alright if I bring Ino with us up to the lake this year?” 

Naruto rolled his eyes. 

“Quit moving your face,” Sasuke scolded. They were at Sakura’s house, doing face masks. Sakura had been really excited to try them, and Sasuke wanted to see Naruto with a mask. Plus, they were taking this time to discuss the annual lake trip, because it always came down to the three of them compromising. This usually translated to Sasuke and Naruto succumbing to whatever Sakura wanted to do, since she was the most assertive, with Sasuke complaining about everything Naruto suggested and Naruto saying  _ only  _ dumb answers.

“What’s that face for, anyway?” Sakura asked around the popsicle she was eating. Since the last time Sasuke had been in here, there were a lot more pictures of Sakura and Ino strewn about the place. It was subtle, but Sasuke knew Sakura like the back of his hand. This was beginning to  _ mean  _ something to her.

“It’s, like, extra. Extra people.” Sasuke made Naruto sit completely still and stop talking, because he had to restart the application of the mask for the third time and it was beginning to rip.

“It’ll be the same amount of people as it was last year,” Sakura pointed out. Neither Naruto nor Sasuke had really wanted to think about that, but she was right. “It’ll be fine, as long we all remember our essentials. And our manners,” she added, giving Sasuke a sharp look over Naruto’s head. 

“What? I have plenty manners,” Sasuke said defensively. He held some of Naruto’s hair up for Sakura to clip it and they both laughed when she was finished. 

“You look so beautiful,” Sakura said to Naruto. He grumbled something about ‘the things he did for love’ but didn’t try to undo any of the things they’d done to his face or his hair.

Sasuke took a picture of the three of them, and he sighed on the inside. “Please don’t post that,” Naruto whined. He climbed up onto Sakura’s bed next to her. “So you really like her, huh?” They were both thinking it, but leave it to Naruto to just  _ say  _ it.

Sakura’s face was getting pink, Sasuke knew, but she had the mask on to cover it. “I… guess. I’ve definitely never felt like this before,” she said, with much more certainty. “I really thought I could just be normal, just be her friend, but then it just… became something else. She means a lot to me.”

“There’s no such thing as normal,” Naruto said. “Take  _ him _ , for example.” Naruto pointed a finger at Sasuke, and he frowned. 

“I’m normal,” he protested, and he crossed his arms over his chest.

“It isn’t that  _ you  _ aren’t normal. If I were normal, I’d have a lot more sense than to feel the way I feel about you,” Naruto explained. “You’re kind of mean.”

Sasuke wanted to throw a pillow at him, but he didn’t. He didn’t want to mess up Sakura’s immaculately put-together living space. “I’m nice to you,” Sasuke said quietly. That made Naruto smile. 

Naruto turned his body fully to Sasuke, and it drew his attention from staring out of the window. This was a really nice place to sit and think, Sasuke had found. He was thinking about a lot of things. But, Sasuke was mostly thinking about the trip they were all discussing. The lake trip was a big thing in their friendship; ever since they’d turned 14, Sakura’s parents had begun letting them come up here. The first year, they’d come along, too. The closer they all got to adulthood, the less hands-on Sakura’s parents felt like they had to be. Sasuke had been every year so far except once, because Itachi was sick that spring. Each year something new and crazy happened. This would be the first year Hinata wasn’t invited, but no one was really complaining about that.

“Can you believe it?” Naruto asked. He kept starting to dig underneath his fingernails and then stopping again. Sakura had warned him not to, because she was going to paint his nails and give him a manicure.

“Can I believe what?” Sasuke asked. He turned his body fully to face Naruto, and leaned his back against the cool glass of the window. 

“It’s been almost a year since you, uh.” Naruto made a gesture to indicate bad swimming. 

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. “Yes, it has. No, I cannot believe it. That someone I  _ love  _ would pull me into  _ water  _ knowing I can’t damn swim. Unfathomable.”

Naruto gave a sheepish grin. “I’m sorry? But it isn’t my fault you can’t swim.”

Sasuke came over to the bed and flopped down between the two of them. “That reminds me,” he said. Sasuke was almost embarrassed by the way that his body slotted against Naruto’s as he turned his back to Naruto so that he could face Sakura and talk to her. But that went away when Naruto’s arm slung low around his waist out of habit. Sakura was their closest friend, there was nothing they needed to hide from her. Sometimes, it felt that she knew too much about them, but they also knew too much about her. There was one thing that they weren’t telling her, but… well, what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her. 

“There’s something I wanted to tell you, a long time ago,” Sasuke said. Maybe now wasn’t the right time, but he couldn’t think of another time that Sakura shouldn’t already know by then. She should already know  _ now _ , and Sasuke felt selfish, but he was going to make it right.

“What is it? Are you guys engaged?!” Sakura snatched Sasuke’s hands up and inspected all of his fingers. 

“What? No,” Sasuke scoffed. Naruto laughed into the back of his neck.

Sakura’s shoulders fell. “Oh, hm. Are you pregnant or something?” she teased. Sasuke rolled his eyes hard and reached back to punch Naruto’s arm when he laughed. 

“No, Sakura. It’s an actually important thing,” Sasuke said. His voice was pleading with her to be serious. 

“Fine, fine. Go ahead and tell me.” Sasuke sat up and let Naruto’s arm hang off of him. Sakura’s eyes followed him up. 

Sasuke thought about a million ways at once he could word what he wanted to tell her. He could tell a million different stories, start with a million different metaphors. He was beginning to feel a wave of apprehension creep up his spine. How would she take it? Would she even believe him? It didn’t sound real, on paper. And he’d kept it from her for so long, a  _ year  _ now. Not purposefully, but he still felt bad about it. But he felt Naruto’s hand press against his back, and he knew that there was no reason to be afraid to tell Sakura this. She loved him just the way Naruto did, albeit just a  _ tad  _ differently, so he knew that he could trust her.

Sasuke took a deep breath before he began. “Ok, so. You remember last year, at the lake, when  _ this  _ one pulled me into the water?” Sasuke jerked a thumb behind his back at Naruto, who mumbled an indignant ‘hey’ but was otherwise silent.

Sakura nodded slowly. “Yeah? And you almost died. In my face. Before my eyes. Very scary.”

“... Right. Well, something happened that day, besides that whole fiasco,” Sasuke said. He was starting to get stressed out again, even with Naruto’s reassurance. “And at first, it was really confusing. But then it kept happening, and it started to make a little more sense.”

“What happened?” Sakura’s face was curious. 

“I—saw something. An event. The first time, it was. Um.” Sasuke craned his neck to look at Naruto behind him. “Can I tell her?”

Naruto shrugged. “Yeah. It was a year ago,” he said nonchalantly. He turned his body over so that he was facing the ceiling since he didn’t have Sasuke to wrap himself around anymore.

Sasuke turned back to Sakura and willed his fingers to stop flipping around in his lap. “I snuck into Naruto’s window because he asked me to come because Hinata broke up with him— we told you about that, right?” Naruto blew air out of his nose but didn’t make any comments.

Sakura nodded after a moment of intense thought. “Yeah, you told me that. Wow, that was a year ago? Fuck. Ok, sorry. Keep going,” Sakura waved a hand to dismiss her tangent. “What about it?”

“I kind of already knew that that was going to happen,” Sasuke said. He had hoped that Sakura, the smartest of the three of them, would figure it out, but she only raised an eyebrow and sat up so that she and Sasuke were at eye level. 

“I don’t get it,” Sakura said. “What do you mean, you already knew?”

Sasuke sighed. “When I say that I saw something that time at the lake. That’s what I saw. In the moment I thought I was really going to… you know, I closed my eyes and I saw that. I  _ felt  _ it. I saw what words he said to me, and the words I said to him. And then it happened, a month later.”

It took a while for Sakura to understand. Sasuke watched the expression on her features change as it dawned on her. “Wait, wait,” she stammered, waving her hands back in forth. “So you’re trying to tell me that you knew that would happen? You, what, you saw the future?”

Sasuke nodded and drew his lip between his teeth. He felt Naruto sit up behind him and scoot closer. “It’s hard to wrap your head around, trust me,” Naruto said. “I had to do a lot of reading about it once he told me what it was called. Yes. Me, reading,” Naruto said in response to the look on Sakura’s face.

“That’s so… I don’t even know what to say. That’s really strange, I can’t lie. But it’s kind of cool,” Sakura said. She was about to put her chin in her hand, but then she remembered that she had on the mask. “D’you wanna tell me the rest after we take these off?”

They could all fit in Sakura’s bed comfortably with room to spare, and that’s where they ended up after taking off their masks. Sakura made sure to record the entire ordeal, “for posterity.” Naruto kept rubbing his face and complaining about his nonexistent facial hair. Sasuke told Naruto ten times to stop touching his face before he just grabbed his hand and held it. He was holding Naruto’s hand for Sakura to paint his nails when she began the conversation again.

“What do you call them? And how many have you had?” Sakura said. They were all sitting in a circle. Sakura was painting Naruto’s nails a garish blue color. 

“They’re, uh, visions,” Sasuke explained. It felt silly to say it. He released Naruto’s hand and started counting on his fingers as he recollected each of his visions. “There was the first one at the lake, yes. Then, the day before my birthday, when I had that accident,” Sasuke said. He still hated talking about it. 

Sakura nodded without looking up from Naruto’s hand. “What’d you see then?”

Sasuke turned his head to Naruto, who didn’t even seem to be paying them any attention. He was using his phone in his other hand. “It was his birthday, before anyone came over. We were in his backyard. He was lamenting how much he  _ needed _ me,” Sasuke said. Naruto’s shoulder knocked into Sasuke’s, hard, since he couldn’t use his hands.

“I didn’t say it like that,” Naruto said defensively. 

“Yeah, you sort of did. Anyway,” Sasuke put a hand up, “don’t interrupt me or I’ll forget. The last one was when Itachi left. I hyperventilated and had a fucking asthma attack. My head hit the floor.”

Sakura leaned closer. She had moved on to Naruto’s other hand. Next to her on the bed was another stuffed Pokémon. Sasuke tried to guess which one it was; it looked sort of like a cat, but it was also a circle. It was pink and had little legs and feet and a pink  _ swoosh  _ of hair, and brown tips on its ears. He liked it, whatever it was. “And what’d you see then?” She repeated. Sasuke could tell she was getting more and more into his story, despite the fact that she couldn’t look up, by the way her eyebrows were drawn together and the tone of her voice.

“He asked me to marry him,” Sasuke said, and he couldn’t have, for the life of him, stopped the small curl of his lips. “It was a long time from now. It was my birthday and we were  _ rich _ and he asked me to marry him on a roof.”

Sakura made a fawning sound and paused in her painting to give Sasuke a small smile. “So sweet. Did you say yes?”

Sasuke pursed his lips for a moment. He lifted his shoulder in a shrug. “I don’t know, honestly. It ended before I said anything.”

Sakura huffed. “Well, that’s no fun. But, isn’t it cool? Knowing the future?”

Sasuke shrugged again. “I guess, yeah. But it’s dangerous. And sometimes knowing the future isn’t always a good thing.” Sasuke’s mind drifted back, to the way Naruto had started to hurt him. All because they knew the future.

“I’m sorry, though,” Sasuke said. He forced that train of thought to crash.

“Sorry for what?”

“For never telling you,” Sasuke said simply.

“I’m not mad,” Sakura said easily. She let go of Naruto’s hand and warned him to be careful or else. “I wouldn’t even know where to begin to tell someone that. I know it must have taken courage to tell me. So I thank you for that.” She hugged the little pink circle cat to her chest. “So, like. Where’d you get that from?”

“My mom. She’s descended from this really powerful mountain clan, or something. Itachi wrote about it in the journal he gave me for my birthday. He’s got them, too,” Sasuke explained. 

Sakura’s eyebrows jumped to her hairline. “Wait, really? Has he ever told you what they were about?”

Sasuke nodded, and then he recounted as much as he could remember about Itachi’s visions. He realized he’d never told Naruto about them, either. Naruto shifted so that he was closer and could hear better. 

“Wait, hold on,” Naruto said. He paused the video on his phone carefully. “He told you that we’re going to fight?”

Sasuke almost wished he’d hadn’t said anything. Given Naruto’s history with knowing the future, he wasn’t too excited to see what he’d do with this information. “Uh, yeah,” he said nonetheless. There was no reason to lie now, since he’d already said it.

Naruto hummed. “I don’t see that happening any time soon,” he said with a slight shrug. 

“I don’t like it when you guys fight,” Sakura said. “You always make me be the middleman. And I hate getting in the middle of your shit when it’s always as easy as an ‘I’m sorry’ or just sitting and listening.”

Both Sasuke and Naruto made sounds that conveyed they took offense to this, but they didn’t really argue with her. It probably  _ was  _ exhausting. But Sasuke didn’t know what to do with Naruto’s reaction. He supposed it was good that there wasn’t some eruption of emotion. If Sasuke was lucky, Naruto would forget he’d said anything. Sasuke just really didn’t want anything to change, now that he’d said it. He had to trust Naruto to remember everything that happened before the new year; everything that drove them apart to begin with.

Sasuke diverted the conversation back to planning for the lake trip, and they spent hours talking about it. They talked about what they’d do, what they’d eat, what to bring, how  _ much _ to bring. Sasuke would have to remember his inhaler this year, which was new. They’d have to take it easy on him with the physical stuff, Naruto tried to say, but Sasuke interjected and said that he was fine and that he was nearly an adult, very capable of handling his asthma. Naruto would have to remember all of the things he was allergic to, and to  _ not  _ test Sakura by trying to eat any of them the way he did every year. (He would probably do it this year, too.) He’d also have to bring his epipen, since he was allergic to bees.

Sasuke began to feel excitement coming slowly, and then all at once. This would be their last lake trip. Spring break technically began today, since it was the last Friday. Sakura’s birthday was soon, and since she was turning 18, she wanted to do big things.

“So, like, they’ve got this  _ cellar _ , as I’m sure you know,” Sakura was saying. She had migrated to her desk chair, leaving Naruto and Sasuke on the bed. Sasuke was examining the little pink thing Sakura had been clutching before.

“You’re a lightweight, Sakura,” Naruto complained. “You can’t drink. Being 18 won’t change how little tolerance you have.” He was waving his hands back and forth to make the polish dry faster.

Sakura hmphed. “I am  _ not  _ and I can  _ too _ . You guys and Ino are gonna be there, so I’ll be safe. And someone’s going to have to stop me eventually. I’ll be fine.” She was scribbling things down on a paper in a notebook she used exclusively for planning trips and parties. She’d been using it for years, so it was a little worn. It was brown and had tabs and sticky notes protruding from nearly every page, at this point.

“I agree with him,” Sasuke said, nodding. “You kinda suck at drinking.” He got closer to Naruto and helped him remove the extra nail polish that had gotten on the edges of his fingers.

“You guys aren’t gonna gang up on me,” Sakura said. She wrote something with a little extra force. “It’s happening. Now, for the sleeping situation.” She turned to them and gave them an expectant look.

“What about it?” Naruto asked eventually, when she still hadn’t said anything. He gave Sasuke his other hand to help him fix the polish.

“Did we wanna do it the same way we always do, or…?” Sakura held her notebook in her lap and held her pen above the paper, waiting for the two of them to respond. The way they always did it was that everyone slept in their own rooms.

Sasuke and Naruto exchanged a look. “I don’t see why it has to be different,” Sasuke said, before Naruto could speak up.

Naruto made a face. “What? I don’t have  _ germs _ , we can sleep in the same bed.” They both rolled their eyes at one another and then turned to Sakura.

“Why don’t you just surprise us,” Sasuke said. 

“I like the sound of that.” Sakura turned back to her desk and started writing some more. Naruto cut his eyes to Sasuke, and Sasuke didn’t really like what he saw in Naruto’s eyes. Something mischievous, something they’d have to talk about when it was just the two of them. 

Eventually, Kushina called Naruto and asked when he’d be home, and they all realized how late it was really getting. “I’m surprised she cares,” Sakura remarked, “she knows we aren’t gonna do anything.” Her eyes fell to Sasuke. “Well,” she said thoughtfully, “him and  _ I  _ won’t do anything.”

Sasuke snorted and shoved his phone into his pocket after texting Mikoto to tell her he’d be home soon. “Are you ready?” Sasuke put his hand on Naruto’s shoulder, and used his other hand to dig around in his jeans pocket to check for his keys.

“Yeah, I’m ready. She wants to help me  _ pack _ .” Naruto hugged Sakura close and thanked her for letting them come, inviting them to the lake, and for doing the mask. “My face hasn’t ever felt this smooth. And tell Ino that she’s gonna have the time of her life.”

The last part shocked Sakura somewhat, but she smiled warmly and gave Naruto another hug. “Yeah, I will.” Sasuke could see how much it meant to Sakura that Naruto had seemingly changed his mind. 

“Come along now,” Sasuke said, tugging Naruto out the door and down the stairs. “I don’t want your Mom to think I’m trying to keep you to myself.”

“She already thinks that,” Naruto said. Sasuke always waited for Naruto to buckle his seatbelt before he started the car, but Naruto never did.

“What? Do you wanna say something?” Sasuke asked, turning his body to face Naruto fully. As much as he could.

Naruto looked  _ embarrassed _ at whatever he was trying to say. He was fidgeting with the zipper of his UNC windbreaker. “D’you know how we talked about… maybe, um…” 

Sasuke had never seen Naruto at a loss for words like this. It was different than anything he’d ever seen from Naruto, actually. “Talked about what, Naruto?” He had an idea of where this was headed. This was what they hadn’t been telling Sakura. He felt a smile beginning to cross his face.

“You  _ know _ ,” Naruto said. Still fidgeting. Still keeping his eyes anywhere but Sasuke’s face. Sasuke wanted to laugh, but he made himself be serious and wait for Naruto to get the gall to say what they were both thinking.

“I don’t know,” Sasuke said innocently. “Tell me.”

Naruto’s eyebrows drew together in frustration. “Don’t make me,” he pleaded.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about if you don’t say it,” Sasuke teased. By this point, he knew exactly what Naruto was trying to say. It was funny, to watch him squirm and beat around the bush. It made Sasuke feel a strange power.

“I just don’t know why you’d say you wanted to have your own bed…” Naruto said slowly. He was drawing the courage up to say the rest. “…When we were talking about. Mm. Doing it.”

“ _ Doing it _ . You’re an adult,” Sasuke laughed.

Naruto huffed. His face was past pink and nearing red, even in the dim overhead light of Sasuke’s car and the fading sun. “You knew what I was talking about,” Naruto said. “You just think it’s funny.”

“It is funny,” Sasuke agreed. He sat back against the driver’s seat so that he was no longer facing Naruto. His eyes, instead, traced the lines of Sakura’s house. Her light was still on in her window. He knew that she wouldn’t be asleep for hours. “I know we talked about it.”

“Did you change your mind?” Naruto asked. There was no malice, no grate to it. He really just wanted to know. 

Sasuke shook his head. He felt Naruto’s hand clasping over his own and being brought up to Naruto’s chest. “No,” he said, “I still wanna do it. I just feel like it I’d said something to her about wanting to be in the same room, it’d be obvious. It’s never been that way before, ya know? And it isn’t about  _ us _ , you and me. It’s about all three— uh, four of us, spending time together for the last time.” Sasuke turned his head to Naruto once more. “Because you’re leaving.”

Naruto sighed this time. “Yes. I understand. It isn’t like I haven’t snuck into that room before, it’ll be fine,” he said. There was that glint in his eyes again, making them shine much brighter than the light of the car. “So you didn’t change your mind? It’s alright if you do,” he said.

“No, Naruto. You don’t have to keep asking, I’m not going to change my mind,” Sasuke said, exasperated.

“I’m still going to keep asking. Consent is everything,” Naruto said seriously. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

“Time for you to go home,” Sasuke said. He tried to ignore the way his body was reacting to his thoughts, but it was hard. It was even harder when he’d actually dropped Naruto off, and he was alone. There was nothing to distract him from the  _ ideas  _ going through his mind.

They had started talking about it, taking the next step, on Thursday. The idea had come to Sasuke suddenly, but once it was there, it stuck. He brought it up when they were both in the library. “What do you think about… going farther?” Sasuke had whispered. They weren’t in the same class, so he had to be fast. He knew that Naruto would be in here because he had finally discovered, after all of these years, that the library was  _ quiet  _ and a good place to think.

“What do you mean by that?” Naruto had asked. He was leaning back in his chair in that childish way that adults always said would end you with your head busted open on the floor. Sasuke had felt his face and his ears getting hot. 

“You know, um. When we go up to the lake?” Sasuke began. Naruto nodded along with what he was saying, though it seemed he was only absently paying attention. Sasuke got closer, and his eyes shifted from left to right to see if anyone was close enough to hear him. “Do you wanna have sex?”

Naruto emitted the most atrocious snort Sasuke had ever heard and he nearly fell from the chair. The sounds Naruto made startled Sasuke enough to make the hair on his arms stand up. The look on Naruto’s face was priceless. “What? Do I wanna  _ what _ ?” Naruto was nearly shouting. People were beginning to look at them.

Sasuke stood and yanked Naruto’s arm, dragging him along until he was sure no one could see them behind the shelves. “I  _ said _ ,” and Sasuke leaned up until his body was nearly pushing Naruto’s back into the books, “do you want to have sex with me, next week?”

Naruto’s lip was drawn between his teeth as Sasuke spoke the words directly into his ear. “Y-yeah, yes. We can do that.” 

And to Sasuke, it made sense. They could do it, they could really  _ do it _ . He’d been wanting to do it for months, ever since he’d first started letting Naruto back into his heart. He had even wanted to do it before then. He felt so safe with Naruto, so deeply and utterly in love with him, and he knew that Naruto felt the same way. So, why not? There was no harm, Sasuke convinced himself. Of course, it might feel bad when Naruto left, but Sasuke didn’t let himself think about that. This wasn’t time for thinking about the future. It was time for the  _ right now _ , and right now, Sasuke had decided that he wanted to do it.

Naruto had asked him a million times since then if he was sure or not, and Sasuke said yes every time. He hadn’t ever felt any less doubt than he felt when he thought about Naruto touching him in such a  _ final  _ way, a way that would cement them forever. For whatever reason, Naruto hadn’t been initiating any sort of untoward contact in the past few days, but Sasuke was fine with that, too. It would only make it sweeter.

Sasuke got home just as the sun was dragging the last of its red dregs down below the horizon with it. Mikoto was in the living room. He heard the TV on some reality show. She had on her glasses, and she was typing furiously on her computer. 

“What’re you doing?” Sasuke came and sat next to her, after he’d placed his bag at the front door and taken off his shoes. Dior came and flopped down onto his lap.

“Hm? I’m fixing my resume,” Mikoto said absently. 

“Ah,” Sasuke said. He didn’t want to interrupt her, so he scooped up the dog to take with him into his room. He had packing to do, because they were leaving at noon the next day. He’d already started most of his packing, but it was still very difficult to figure out what else he might need. They would be there for the entire week, but Sasuke still felt like he’d brought along too much stuff in years past. That didn’t stop him from packing the same amount of clothes, if not more. One could never be too safe.

Naruto came to pick Sasuke up from his house sometime after 12 the next day. It was fine that Naruto was late, because Sasuke wasn’t ready at noon, anyway. “Let’s see, wait,” Mikoto said. Naruto was sitting at the table, waiting for Sasuke to be ready to go. “You have your phone, and your charger… your computer? No, of course not. No work, right? And your inhaler? Toothbrush, toothpaste, your comb. Can you think of anything else?”

Sasuke dug through the satchel he was bringing that carried all of the items that Mikoto had just named off. “Yes, yes, all of those. I have all of it.” At the door, Sasuke kissed Mikoto goodbye and promised to be good. He also kissed Dior, and wished that he wasn’t going to miss her so much. He ran his fingers over his chain that he’d tucked beneath his shirt as he made his way to the street where Naruto had parked the car.

Sakura was waiting for them in the passenger’s seat. “Hey, do you need help with that stuff?” she called out the window. Naruto was handling Sasuke’s bags. 

“No, it’s ok,” Naruto shouted. Sasuke climbed into Naruto’s backseat and tried to forget all the things that’d happened back there. Not right now, he told himself. He leaned heavy on the back of Sakura’s seat. 

“Don’t you wanna sit back here, with your girlfriend?” Sasuke asked. He really  _ didn’t  _ want to sit with Ino for the long drive up to the lake. He felt that he might go crazy if he had to sit with her for hours.

Sakura turned her neck to look over her shoulder at the back seat. “Ah… I guess. I’m sure you two would just be looking out the windows instead of talking for the entire time.” Sasuke and Sakura switched seats just in time for Naruto to get into the driver’s seat.

“Are we ready?” Naruto raised the question to everyone in the car. Sasuke nodded absently. He was thinking about that dog.

“Yeah, we have to go get Ino,” Sakura reminded him. “Here, let me see.” She reached for Naruto’s phone so that she could put Ino’s address into the map, and then sat back and stretched her legs out in the backseat. 

“You’re gonna have to put on your seatbelt,” Sasuke told Naruto, annoyed. 

“It’s fine,” Naruto said. He followed the GPS’ instructions the best he could, but he made a few wrong turns from not paying attention to when he needed to switch lanes.

“Naruto, it’s not even that far away,” Sakura grumbled. She chastised him the entire time for not paying attention and for not wearing his seatbelt. 

Finally, when they arrived at Ino’s house, she was waiting in front of her door with her bags. Sakura got out of the car to help her out everything in the trunk, and then they got into the backseat.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Sakura said. Ino yawned and rubbed her eyes. 

“Hi,” Ino replied. “So, how long’s this trip?” She asked.

Sakura looked at the time on her phone. “It’s going to be three hours,” she said. Ino made a surprised sound.

“Oh, I should have brought some snacks,” Ino complained.

The trip didn’t really feel like it was underway until they got on the highway. Naruto turned on his awful road trip playlist. He and Ino screamed along to the words for a solid hour and a half before she fell asleep, and Sasuke turned it off. Sakura had her headphones in, and she was staring out the window.

“Tell me what we’re gonna do when we get there,” Naruto said. His eyes were hidden behind big black sunglasses, but Sasuke knew what he would find there if he could see them.

“Whatever Sakura wrote down in her book,” Sasuke supplied. He was trying not to use his phone too much, so that it wouldn’t die before they got there.

Naruto made an annoyed sound and rolled his eyes. “No, I meant… what’ll  _ we  _ do?”

Sasuke peeked at Sakura in the mirror on the side of the car, so that it wasn’t obvious that he was looking. She didn’t seem to be able to hear them. Ino was still sleeping. “Naruto,” he said, turning his eyes back to the side, “I don’t think you can handle it.”

Naruto scoffed. “What’s that even supposed to mean?” He tapped his fingers against the steering wheel to some beat in his head.

“You couldn’t even say  _ sex  _ to me in the car when there was no one else there yesterday,” Sasuke pointed out. Naruto’s cheeks grew the slightest pink.

“That’s— that doesn’t mean that I can’t handle it,” Naruto said. 

Sasuke clicked his tongue and went back to his idle business tycoon game on his phone. “Be patient,” he said. “You’re going to drive yourself crazy, because I’m not going to tell you.”

Sasuke didn’t mean to make it sound like he had some sort of  _ plan  _ for Naruto. He really didn’t. He knew the basic process of what they were going to do, and that was all that mattered. Before, Sasuke had wanted that moment to be planned down to the second. He was like that. He wanted it to be special and amazing with no surprises. But now, Sasuke had realized that it didn’t matter. It was going to happen, eventually, and that was all he needed to know.

Sasuke woke up when the car stopped. Naruto was filling up the tank of his car. Whenever they did this, it was time for Sakura to start driving the rest of the way. Sasuke searched for things for himself and Ino to snack on. While Sakura went to the bathroom and Naruto pumped the gas, Ino started asking Sasuke questions. 

“So, like,” Ino began, checking the nutrition facts of some chips, “what’re these usually like?”

Sasuke squinted in her direction from a little farther down the aisle. “They’re salty,” he said absentmindedly and continued rifling through the candy to see if they had the Skittles he liked.

“No, no,” Ino laughed. She was upon Sasuke before he’d realized she was coming closer. “I meant these trips. What’re we gonna do?”

“Oh, right,” Sasuke nodded. “Well, Sakura likes to switch it up, mostly. We always go to the lake and swim, though. That’s something that we do every year. She likes to climb trees and run and like… boat, and stuff.” Sasuke shrugged. “Just be prepared to sweat. And to get a tan.”

Ino nodded along while Sasuke spoke. It seemed she was distracted by something she wanted so say. “Hey, uh.”

Sasuke turned his head from the gummy worms he was examining. “Yeah?”

Ino looked slightly unsure of herself. Her eyes were on her bright pink Crocs. Sasuke noticed that there were little pins stuck in them, hearts and a rainbow and a cloud. Cute. “I know I’ve said it before,” Ino said, “but I’m sorry. For being such a gossip, and… telling people—”

Sasuke shook his head firmly. “It’s fine,” he cut her off. She looked taken aback by the sharpness of his tone. 

“Oh. Yeah, ok. I was just… it feels like you haven’t actually forgiven me for it? And I don’t want us to be, like, enemies or anything.” Ino fidgeted with the different colored scrunchies around her wrists. She had bracelets on, too; bead bracelets. Sasuke remembered belatedly that Sakura had started wearing some recently, too. 

“We’re not enemies,” Sasuke said, as though the idea of that was ridiculous. He didn’t have time to dislike someone that much. And besides. Ino wasn’t all bad. It would probably just take getting to know her. They had a whole week, so Sasuke felt confident that he would come out of it with at least a neutral feeling about her.

Sakura assumed the driver’s seat when they all got back into the car, so that Naruto could rest. He was a terrible driver when he was sleepy or distracted. Sasuke let Ino sit in the front with Sakura. Naruto yawned heavily and made them all wait for him to go into the trunk and get his pillow so that he could properly sleep. There was only about an hour left now, and Sasuke was beginning to feel all kinds of excitement rushing through him.

Naruto, for all of his fussing, didn’t find it any easier to sleep once he had the pillow. He kept fidgeting and shifting and huffing. 

“Naruto,” Sasuke sighed, “just wait until we get there.” 

“No,” Naruto said childishly. His eyes were closed. “You know she won’ let me sleep.” Sasuke sighed because he knew it was true. As soon as they arrived, Sakura would have them change into outside clothes and make them  _ sweat  _ and  _ do things  _ until the sun went down. Naruto went about thrashing and fussing half of the rest of the way there. 

When Naruto finally fell asleep, Sasuke allowed himself time to worry about looking out the window instead of making sure Naruto didn’t choke on the seatbelt. Maybe it hadn’t hit him yet, but it still didn’t feel different. He knew, or should have known, that something should feel not the same. But it didn’t feel like much of anything, besides the things he always felt. He was excited to get there, excited to spend time with people he loved. He was also excited about what the nights would bring, when he hadn’t ever cared before; so he supposed that  _ something  _ was different. But it hadn’t hit him yet that they’d never do this again. He didn’t want to think about that very much. Maybe it would never hit him, that his life was really about to change. That’s what Sasuke was hoping for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanna like make it clear that sasuke doesn’t hate ino he just would rather not be around her bc maybe no one would have known abt what happened w him and shikamaru if she hadn’t said anything? i’m not sure if other ppl have had interactions like that but i surely have and so obviously that’s gonna be a source of tension but sooske doesn’t hate her. cliffhanger cause i love you guys ;) also what is brewing btwn kiba and hinata? treacheryyyy


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again my lovelies, sorry for the hiatus!! more on that later.

The first day went just as all the first days did. As soon as they had unloaded everything from Naruto’s trunk into their rooms, they were out and in the sun again. For hours, they stayed outside. Today was canoeing, which Sasuke never did because he didn’t trust Naruto not to make the boat turn over and have them both die. Especially not now, after what had happened last year. So Sakura devised something for Sasuke to do while he was waiting for everyone to be done with the water. 

“Oh, come on, can’t I just watch like I always do?” Sasuke whined. Sakura shoved more trail mix into his backpack, and then zipped it and handed it to him. 

“No, Sasuke,” she said, shaking her head. “Just because you’ve gotten away with it the last few years doesn’t mean that you’re not gonna participate today.” She stood back while Sasuke slung the backpack over his shoulders and crossed his arms. 

“This isn’t fair. It doesn’t even make sense, Naruto can’t be in the boat by himself,” Sasuke complained. 

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “And why is _Naruto_ the one you’re wanting to go with you into the woods?”

Sasuke made a face. “Why d’you think?”

Sakura laughed. “Well, whatever. I already asked him if he wants to go with you, but he actually _likes_ water and stuff. He said he wanted to get a tan.” Sakura shrugged. “Off you go, trailblazer! Make sure you look at this guide of plants, so that you know what you can and can’t touch.” She pushed Sasuke out the door before she stepped outside behind him in her swimsuit. It was times like this that Sasuke wished he’d gone to those swimming lessons his father had paid for instead of trying to play basketball with Itachi.

Sasuke grumbled the whole way out the door and down the path. Sakura had assigned him with finding the best path to hike on later on that week. Sasuke knew that he didn’t really have to go and do this, but he didn’t want to let her down. Plus, he wanted to think about some things before he had to face Naruto later tonight. Sasuke squinted at the list of toxic plants a few times before deciding he couldn’t read it, so he just wouldn’t touch anything. 

He wished Naruto would have just come with him, because being alone in the woods was not his idea of fun. Maybe he should have sucked it up and gotten into the water with everyone else. But here he was, narrowing his eyes at every plant and jumping at every branch breaking. Never had he been much of an outdoorsman.

Sasuke’s mind drifted from the clouds to the branches over his head. He remembered years past under these trees, though everything felt a lot closer together now than it had when they’d first started coming out here. It was difficult to imagine that in a year’s time, he wouldn’t be right back out here with Sakura and Naruto and whomever else. Sasuke used his pocket knife to absently scratch notches into something trees as he passed, so that he’d know his way back. He didn’t know why they couldn’t just stick to the trail that they’d always used. 

“Oh?” 

Sasuke realized he didn’t know where he was when it started getting a little dark. “Fuck,” Sasuke muttered. There was no amount of notches on trees for him to be able to recall his steps. “Alright, stay calm,” Sasuke told himself. If he turned around right in the spot he was, and he didn’t stray for one second from that path, then surely he’d be able to find his way back to the house. Yeah.

Sasuke tripped back down the path as best he could, but after it felt like he’d been going backwards longer than he’d been going forward, he felt himself beginning to panic. He kept repeating to himself that it would be ok, and that it would be fine, he’d get back to the house and then he’d just fall into bed and not worry about anything else. 

Eventually, Sasuke stopped. There were lights flickering in and out of his view, but they were faint because his eyes were _bad_. He also couldn’t just go toward random lights because Sakura’s house wasn't the only one on the lake by a long shot. Sasuke leaned against a tree as he dug through his backpack by the light of his phone’s flashlight. 

“Ok, maybe if I just…” He was looking for something, _anything_ that he might be able to find his way back, but to no avail. Sasuke slid down the trunk of the tree in defeat after searching his bag frantically. He was still trying his best not to panic, because that wouldn’t help anything, but it was hard when it was dark and getting darker. By now, they’d all have gone inside, so Sasuke wasn’t going to count on anyone being able to hear him if he yelled. He didn’t want anything else to hear him if he yelled, either. 

Sasuke’s mind moved from where he was back to house, wherever it was at that moment. He thought about Ino and Sakura, how they were probably already getting tans from spending today outside. He thought about Naruto, too, and how his hair must have looked in the sun, how his chest must have looked all wet from the lake, and how his eyes must have shone the same color as the water. Oh, Sasuke thought, had to get back to him. Have to see him, have to be seen by him, have to feel him. The trip wasn’t about Naruto, but tonight would be.

“I can’t give up,” Sasuke told himself. He stood again and thanked his lucky stars that it was summer, so it wouldn’t be getting too cold outside. Sasuke trudged down what he thought might be the path, deciding to just throw caution to the stale air and follow the closest lights. If he broke free of the trees, then maybe he’d be able to know what direction to go in.

After ten or fifteen minutes, Sasuke began to feel a thumping in his chest. He thought it might have been his asthma at first, but as he got closer he recognized that it was music. _Loud_ music. Despite his lingering panic, Sasuke couldn’t stop the smile curling at the corners of his lips. “Kesha,” he mumbled to himself. His heart fluttered to the beat of the music as he picked his way recklessly through the trees. He’d been going the wrong way, towards a house that was two down from Sakura’s, but the music had steered him into the right place. 

Sasuke breathed a small sigh of relief when he got sight of the back door high on the sandy hill, and the worn, winding wooden steps that led down to the pier. That was where Sasuke had nearly died, but he was happy to see it now. He could see the silhouettes of his friends dancing wild and crazy in front of the windows. Ino had her hair down, and it was _long_ ; Sakura was moving in and out of view erratically; Naruto was standing on the couch, waving his arms and shouting. Sasuke huffed a laugh out and took a few more steps forward.

Then he tripped on something, a rock maybe, and knocked his head squarely into the branch that he’d been about to duck underneath. He exclaimed and then his head hit the ground. “Shit,” he muttered. It hurt to even attempt to open his eyes, and suddenly he felt a splitting kind of feeling in his head. Sasuke gave up trying to open his eyes all the way and let them squint. He was surely close enough for his phone to be picked up by the house, he thought, but his fingers wouldn’t undo the zips on the backpack fast enough. Sasuke felt himself fading fast as his fingertips slid wetly across the screen of his phone. Wet. Blood. He was bleeding. 

“Goddamn it,” Sasuke cursed. He saw Ino’s name first in the list of the groupchat for the trip, so he tried to call her. She didn’t answer, even after he called her again. “Damn it, damn it,” Sasuke repeated over and over. His panic was rising with every moment that no one picked up his calls. He called Naruto next, but he didn’t answer either. His went straight to voicemail; Sasuke should have known that it would be dead. Sasuke tried Sakura last, and at the same time that he thought she might have answered, the thumping in his chest stopped. Sakura’s voice was ringing heavily in his head, just as it had last year, but Sasuke couldn’t hear her words. She sounded annoyed, that was all he knew. 

“Outside— trees,” Sasuke attempted. His voice was but a wisp. Sakura said something in reply to him, but it was lost on him. Sasuke coughed and then he let his eyes close again. He could smell the lake, he could hear the buzz of the bugs all in the air, and in his gaze, he thought this would be a peaceful place to sleep if not for the circumstance.

When he opened his eyes, Sakura was kneeling over him. It was still darker, and there was no thump in his chest. She had a hand on his chest, which rattled with every breath Sasuke drew in. “Are you ok? What happened?” She sounded a little panicked, but she was suppressing it so that she could think rationally.

“My head hit tree,” Sasuke replied. He tried to point at the tree he’d hit, but he didn’t know where it was. He could barely see Sakura’s face. Everything was a blur, really. His ears were ringing, too.

“I‘m sorry, does it hurt too bad? Damn it, this is my fault,” Sakura said. 

“No, no,” Sasuke tried to shake his head, but that only made him dizzy.

“No, yes it is. If I had just let you sit and not go out into the woods, you wouldn’t have hit your head. Can you stand up?” Sakura asked. Her voice was full of concern.

“It’s ok. Maybe I can,” Sasuke said slowly. The longer he laid in the ground the better he felt, but he didn’t want to be out here when the animals started coming out. He leaned heavily against Sakura as he helped him up. It was alright to walk in a straight line (even though he was wobbling), but the stairs were something else.

“I don’t know if I can really do that.” Sasuke craned his neck up to see the house sitting on the hill. It seemed to be moving away from him the longer he stared at it.

Sakura waved a hand to dismiss Sasuke. “It’s fine, we’ll go around.” 

Going around meant that they had to walk up the steep hill without the help of any sort of steps, but it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Going down this hill had been a lot easier hours ago. Sakura was tapping her foot with impatience at the top while Sasuke trudged up the last few feet. 

“I’m going to have to treat your head,” Sakura said when Sasuke got close enough to hear. “You probably have a concussion, so that means that you’re going to have to take it easy.”

“Take it easy,” Sasuke repeated. “That’s fine with me.” 

“You’re still going to come outside, doofus,” Sakura said. She opened the door for Sasuke, who was thankful now that the music had stopped. Ino and Naruto were sitting across the room, waiting for Sakura with annoyed expressions on their faces. 

“Geez, what took you so lo—” Naruto’s childish exclamation was cut short when he saw the look on Sasuke’s face. 

“Shut it, Naruto,” Sakura warned. She had a bass in her voice that Sasuke rarely ever heard. Sakura ushered Sasuke down the hall into the closest bathroom, where she made him sit still while she cleaned his head and whatever else. She was meticulous in making sure that there was nothing left in his hair and that his wound was clean. “It’s not that deep, so that’s good.” Sakura sat back in her position on the edge of the bathtub. “How many fingers am I holding up?” She asked. Her hand was a little far from where Sasuke’s _normal_ vision stretched, so he had to squint extra hard. 

“Uh, three? No, four. Wait, no! Three. Three is my final answer.” 

Sakura sighed. “I’d like to chalk it up to your terrible eyesight, but I can’t. You’re going to have to go and get some rest.” Sasuke’s attention kept drifting in and out of focus, so when she told him to get up he wasn’t listening. 

“Go to bed, Sasuke,” Sakura instructed, this time with exasperation.

Sasuke pouted. “But I want to have fun with you guys,” he complained. 

Sakura shook her head fast and forced Sasuke to stand. “There’s no way _that’s_ going to happen,” she said.

“But,” Sasuke said, waving a finger in the air, “if I go to sleep I might _die_ , or something,” he pointed out. 

Sakura pinched the bridge of her nose and rolled her eyes. “God, you’re right. Fine, wait here.”

Sasuke leaned his back against the bathtub and closed his eyes while he waited for Sakura to return. It would be fine, he thought, if he just dozed off for a little bit. After all, he’d been awake for hours and hours, and his body had been running on high stress for a long time. Surely, it wouldn’t hurt him to just take a nap—

“Sasuke! Wake up right now.” Sakura shook Sasuke’s shoulder violently until he opened his eyes.

“What, what is it?” Sasuke spluttered, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He had almost forgotten already about the bandage wrapped around his head. When he touched it, he winced. 

“I just told you that you aren’t allowed to sleep,” Sakura said. “Actually, _you_ told _me_ that.” She kneeled down and shoved a glass of water at Sasuke’s chest. “Drink this, all of it. I mean it.”

Sasuke supported himself with the bathtub as he tried to stand. He took the glass from Sakura and took a small sip. “Am I in the same room as before?” He sure hoped so. There was a TV in there, and the bed was so comfy, and warm. Lots of pillows. Sasuke had never been more exhausted in his life.

Sakura nodded. “Yes, same room as always. I’m gonna walk you down, ok? There’s a surprise in there for you.”

Sasuke’s eyes got low. “You know that I hate surprises,” he said, but he let her take him down the hall slowly. 

“Yes, well. You won’t hate this one, I promise,” Sakura said. 

“And how can you be so—” Sasuke’s contrary comment was cut off when the door opened and he saw Naruto on the edge of his bed, clicking buttons on a controller. Naruto’s reckless button mashing halted when their eyes met. He stood and threw the controller down onto the bed.

“Is he ok?” Naruto asked. His voice sounded just like Sakura’s had before, all concerned and worried and fretful. Naruto was upon Sasuke in two seconds flat, and Sakura let Sasuke go. 

“He’s going to be ok by tomorrow morning, the afternoon at the latest,” Sakura explained. She patted Sasuke’s shoulder, but Sasuke could barely hear her. All he could think about was Naruto, amazing Naruto, smell-good Naruto, slightly drunk Naruto.

“What do I have to do?” Naruto asked carefully. Sasuke was fidgeting against his chest, but then Naruto embraced Sasuke tight, effectively stopping his movements.

“Just… keep him awake. He can’t sleep until he stops slurring his words and he doesn’t move so slow. However you have to do that, he can’t go to sleep. Do you understand?” Sakura gave Naruto a stern look. “It is imperative.”

“Yeah, I got it. No sleep. At least until the sun comes up, or something?” Naruto asked. 

Sakura nodded. “Yeah, I guess that’d be a good time to check and see if he’s doing alright. That’d give you,” Sakura turned her head to look at the clock displayed on the TV screen, “five hours, at least. Closer to six. Now I mean it, Naruto.” Sakura put a hand on her hip. “He _cannot_ sleep, so that means that you can’t, either. Find whatever you have to do to keep yourselves awake, but I better not find out you slept one wink without leaving someone else in charge of him.”

Naruto nodded absently. Sasuke was drifting off as they spoke. Naruto had to shake him by the shoulders a few times to get him to open his eyes. “Yes ma’am, Doctor Haruno. I will make sure he stays awake until at least six am. By whatever means necessary.”

Sakura gave Naruto one last hard look before leaving the room. “Can we go to bed?” Sasuke whined. He held Naruto tight by his shoulders and tried to drag him to the bed. 

“No,” Sasuke heard, “you can’t sleep and I can’t either.” Sasuke’s eyebrows drew together in annoyance and confusion.

“Oh, why? I was just kidding when I told her I’d die if I sleep. I’ll be ok,” Sasuke yawned. He gave up trying to get Naruto to come with him and flopped down onto the bed by himself.

“No,” Naruto said flatly. “Come here and drink your water.”

Naruto made Sasuke drink close to half of the glass before setting it down. “Play this with me. It’s Mario, you love Mario.”

Sasuke blinked himself awake when he felt Naruto pressing a controller into his hand. “I’m going to beat you,” he said, “like I always do. But from down here, because I can’t see.” Sasuke slid down from the bed onto the floor, closer to the screen. “Much better.”

Naruto was better at games than Sasuke was, he just _was_ . Sasuke grumbled the first time Naruto beat him, and threw the controller onto the floor the fifth time. “You’re _cheating_ ,” Sasuke exclaimed. He waved his hands in the air and then crossed his arms over his chest.

“By having perfect vision? We’ve been over this,” Naruto laughed. “You should be wearing your contacts, anyway. You weren’t wearing them in the woods?”

Sasuke shrugged. “No. I forgot. I just woke up and expected to be watching you guys swim like I always do,” he said. “Suppose maybe I would have seen whatever I had tripped on.” Sasuke stretched his back and groaned when something popped. “I’ve been awake for too long.”

“And you’re gonna be awake longer,” Naruto replied. He made space for Sasuke to join him on the bed and wrapped one arm around Sasuke’s middle. “You never told me what happened, anyways.”

Sasuke leaned against Naruto’s chest but forced his eyes to remain open. He could do it, he told himself. “Sakura told me that I had to find some new hiking path, and she sent me out with a map and stuff. I was just walking, really. Just thinking. I wasn’t really paying attention to where I was going. I was putting cuts in the trees, but then it got way too dark for me to see ‘em.” Sasuke yawned and wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes. “Then I started to panic a little, but I wanted to get back. Had to get back. So I started trying to follow the lights, because I could just barely see them through the trees and stuff. I heard the music, the Kesha,” Sasuke heard Naruto chuckle, “so I started coming towards the house, from the back. Don’t know how I got to the back but, uh, I tripped on something when I was trying to duck underneath a branch and I knocked the shit outta my head. Bleeding a lot, called you and Ino but you didn’t answer. Sakura came and got me.”

Naruto pressed a kiss to the bandages on Sasuke’s forehead. His breath smelled faintly of something fruity. “You are brave,” he said quietly. “My phone died. We were kinda wondering where you were, but we were also partying… sorry. Ino’s _really_ into partying.”

Sasuke shook his head. “It’s ok. I didn’t die.” He sighed and pressed his face into Naruto’s neck. “I couldn’t. There’s so many things I haven’t done yet.” 

“Oh, yeah? Like what?” Naruto asked.

Sasuke shrugged. “Dunno. I want to get a job, a career, and I want to help my mom be happy. I want Itachi to come back home, and I want to get married. Have kids.”

“ _Kids_?” Naruto sounded so incredulous, it made Sasuke laugh. 

“Yeah, kids. A family, a legacy. Someone to tell my stories to, I don’t know.” Sasuke moved his face away from Naruto’s neck. “You don’t want kids?”

“I just never thought about life that far out. I’m sure I’ll have more thoughts about that later,” Naruto said after a while of thought. Sasuke didn’t say anything in reply, and instead mulled it over. It was just slightly concerning that Naruto was saying he didn’t know if he wanted to have children, because that was important to Sasuke. He wanted a family, a better family than he’d had. And he wanted something to share with Naruto that was permanent, even more permanent than marriage. He wanted a piece of himself and Naruto to live forever, or at least well beyond himself.

“I, um. I need to tell you something,” Naruto said quietly, after what seemed like quite a few minutes. 

Sasuke slid his body away until only their knees were touching. “What is it?” He didn’t like Naruto’s tone of voice, or the look on his face.

“So, today. While you were gone, um, I called Hinata.” 

Sasuke’s eyebrows furrowed. “ _Why_? You said you didn’t care.”

Naruto scratched the back of his neck. “It was just eating me alive, Sasuke. I had to know what the fuck that kid was talking about, I had to know what they had going on. And I know I could have texted her about it, or just left if alone, but I couldn’t.” Naruto shook his head. “I had to know, and I had to hear it.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes hard and turned away from Naruto. “So what did she say, hm? What did she tell you?”

“I asked her if she was the person he was talking about, and she said yes. So then I asked her what he’d meant by the years part and she didn’t want to answer me.” 

Sasuke turned back toward Naruto and begrudgingly moved closer. He hated this, but he wanted to be there for Naruto. “Did she tell you?” Sasuke asked. His heart felt sad for Naruto, so incredibly sad. He could never stay mad at Naruto for much too long.

Naruto took a while to say anything. Eventually, he sighed, shook his head, and drew Sasuke closer to him. “She told me that she knew he liked her— loved her, I guess. He’d told her, like, a week after we got together freshman year. And she said that maybe she’d always regret not being with him instead.” Naruto’s fingers went to Sasuke’s hair, and he let out a satisfied sound at this.

“Did she… um. Did they?” Sasuke couldn’t bring himself to say the words _cheat on you_ to Naruto, that was too real. Much too adult. They weren’t supposed to have to deal with things like that in their minds. This was something parents did, something Sasuke couldn’t have ever seen coming. 

“Yes,” Naruto said shortly. Sasuke decided that he wouldn’t ask anymore questions. He felt warm and safe, wrapped in Naruto’s body, and he didn’t want to talk about this anymore. 

“You better not be falling asleep,” Naruto said. Sasuke shrugged, gripped Naruto’s shirt and buried his face in the crook of Naruto’s neck.

“Just for a little bit. Surely it’s close to six,” Sasuke said sleepily. 

Naruto pulled himself free of Sasuke’s grip and shook his head again. “It’s only been two and a half hours, Sasuke. We’ve got plenty of time to go.” 

Sasuke pouted at this. “I’m _sleepy,_ Naruto,” he whined. “And my head hurts.”

“That’s exactly why she said you can’t sleep, ding-dong,” Naruto quipped. “Come here.”

Sasuke didn’t really want to, because he still found it in himself to be a little angry at Naruto for calling her. Why couldn’t he just not care, like he’d said he didn’t? Sasuke should have known that that was too good to be true, but he’d just hoped that if Naruto had actually cared, he would have at least been honest about it. Caring was… fine, as long as Naruto told Sasuke what was going on in his mind. Still, Sasuke found himself moving slightly closer to Naruto. 

“Wait,” Sasuke said, just as he began to feel Naruto’s arms around his shoulders again. “I wanna take off these clothes. They’re dirty.” Naruto released Sasuke without saying anything and laid back on the bed while Sasuke slid off the bed and took off his clothes. He stripped down to his underwear and climbed back onto the bed next to Naruto. 

“Oh no, you don’t.” Naruto pulled Sasuke to his chest. “You have to stay awake,” Naruto yawned.

“ _You_ have to stay awake,” Sasuke repeated. He shifted himself around until he was facing Naruto. Naruto’s eyes were closing, and the hand that wasn’t on Sasuke’s chest was at his face. He was sucking his thumb. “Naruto,” Sasuke whispered, and he tried not to laugh. Naruto’s eyebrows drew together but he didn’t open his eyes.

“Naruto,” Sasuke repeated, this time with more force. Still, nothing. Sasuke decided to take matters into his own hands to rouse Naruto. He wiggled himself free of Naruto’s grasp and pushed Naruto’s shoulder until he was laying with his back on the bed. Sasuke would never understand how Naruto could possibly be such a heavy sleeper. He tutted under his breath before throwing a leg over Naruto’s hips and sliding up onto Naruto’s lap.

Sasuke laughed when Naruto’s eyes flew open. “Hm?” Whatever Naruto had been trying to say was muffled by his thumb still in his mouth. Sasuke returned Naruto’s confusion with a grin. 

“I had to make you wake up,” Sasuke said simply. He realized how it may seem, him sitting on Naruto in only his underwear, in the room alone where no one was going to come in for hours, but that wasn’t his express purpose for doing what he’d done. His primary intention really had been to make Naruto open his eyes. It just so happened that as soon as he’d gotten to where he was, he forgot all about his primary intention.

“D’you remember what I said in the library?” Sasuke’s fingers splayed out across the surface of Naruto’s clothed chest. It took everything in him not to roll his hips forward, just to feel it. He wanted to drag this out as long as he possibly could. As long as Naruto would let him. 

Naruto took his thumb from his mouth and wiped it absently on his shirt. “Uh. When?” Naruto raised an eyebrow at Sasuke. He seemed to be trying to keep his hands to himself, because usually his fingers would have already been digging into Sasuke’s hips.

“Last week,” Sasuke said. He moved so that his back against Naruto’s legs easily. He didn’t miss the way that Naruto’s lip drew between his teeth for a moment. “It was about this trip,” Sasuke tried.

Naruto hummed in feigned deep thought. He even scratched his chin. “Not sure I remember what you mean. Can you remind me?” 

Sasuke rolled his eyes up to the sky and scoffed. “You don’t remember? When I pulled you behind the bookshelves? And I whispered in your ear?” He shivered when Naruto’s hands slid up his thighs to rest at his hips.

“Whisper it again,” Naruto said. His voice was hard; he wasn’t asking. Sasuke closed his eyes and tried not to make any sort of embarrassing sounds. He leaned down until his lips touched Naruto’s skin, and he felt Naruto’s body quake beneath his own.

“Do you wanna have sex with me?” Sasuke ran a hand over Naruto’s arm just as Naruto started to hold Sasuke tighter over his chest. 

Naruto let out a shaky breath against Sasuke’s throat. “Right now?” he whispered back. His voice was hopeful, but still cautious.

Sasuke nodded slowly, and he sat back up so that he could look at Naruto’s eyes. “Right now, and tomorrow, and the day after that.”

“Will it upset your head?” Naruto asked. Always so worried about Sasuke when Sasuke was trying to make it about Naruto.

Sasuke scoffed and rolled his eyes. “No, it’s not going to upset my head. It will keep me awake, and isn’t that the point?”

“I suppose,” Naruto conceded. His hands came back to rest on Sasuke’s hips, and his fingers dug into Sasuke’s skin. 

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Sasuke said. He didn’t want it to feel forced, no matter how badly he wanted to do it.

Naruto laughed and shook his head. “No, trust me. I want to do it. C’mere.” 

Sasuke leaned down again, and he was prepared for Naruto to kiss him. He felt Naruto’s hands sliding all over his body, exploring all the parts of Sasuke that he knew so well, making Sasuke feel sensations that he was used to but would still never quite get over. Sasuke breathed hard into Naruto’s mouth when he felt Naruto’s teeth beginning to bite into his bottom lip. He was trying his best to be quiet, but Naruto’s fingers always drew the sounds out of him like someone playing the harp.

“You have to be quiet, do you want them to come in here?” Naruto said breathlessly when Sasuke emitted a particularly harsh whine. 

“I’m sorry,” Sasuke wheezed. He could feel all of this kissing right in his asthma, but he didn’t mention it. There was no need to worry Naruto about it. “I can’t help it,” he said. Naruto’s hands had begun to make Sasuke’s hips red.

They were both breathing rather hard for a while, but not speaking, until a thought crossed Sasuke’s mind. “Naruto…?”

“Yeah?”

“We’re gonna do it, right?”

“Yeah, if you wanna,” Naruto said. 

Sasuke fidgeted on Naruto’s lap. “Do you have anything?”

For a second, Naruto seemed genuinely confused. “Oh, do you mean a condom?”

Sasuke nodded, and he wished his face wasn’t getting so red. He could only be bold for a few seconds at a time. 

“Yeah, but they’re in my room. So I’m gonna have to leave you to go get them,” Naruto explained. Sasuke didn’t want Naruto to leave, for sure, but he wanted more for them to be careful. He sighed as he slid off of Naruto’s lap and rubbed offhandedly at the nail marks in his skin.

“Go get them then,” Sasuke said. He sat with his back against the headboard while Naruto adjusted his clothes. 

“How many do you want me to bring?” Naruto asked.

Sasuke’s eyes darted to the side. He lifted a shoulder to shrug. “Uh, all of them, I don’t know.” 

Naruto raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. Sasuke’s hands were shaking when he leaned across the bed to get to his water. He could do it, he wanted to do it. He was just nervous about letting someone that far after so many years, and after all of the things that had happened last time. He’d felt intense shame about it before, but that was different. Shikamaru hadn’t ever loved him, and there wasn’t any sort of pretense for that. Nevermind the countless girls from before and after Shikamaru, when Sasuke had been trying to lie to himself. They’d just been fucking. None of it mattered before. Naruto _loved_ him, as far as Sasuke could tell, and so it wouldn’t be the same way. They’d keep it a secret, but not for the same reasons. Because it was theirs and it would be special, when before it had been just a dirty secret Sasuke had wanted to bury.

Sasuke jumped and he nearly spilled his water when Naruto came back into the room. Naruto turned the fan on and locked the door before he came back to the bed. “It’s just me,” he said when he noticed Sasuke shaking. In his left hand he had a handful of plastic wrappers, and in his right hand he had a bottle. He laid them all on the side table before he climbed back onto the bed with Sasuke. Naruto took both of Sasuke’s hands and held them tight. “It’s just me, babe,” he said quietly. Just for Sasuke to hear. Sasuke nodded slowly and willed himself to stop shaking so much. “We don’t have to, we can just… play the game some more, I guess,” Naruto said. There was nothing behind it; he meant it. He wouldn’t be mad, and Sasuke felt his heart swell.

Sasuke shook his head. “I wanna do it,” he said. To assure both Naruto and himself. 

“Are you positive?” Naruto asked.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I wanna feel it, wanna know what it’s like when you love someone,” Sasuke said. The look on Naruto’s eyes told Sasuke that he hadn’t been expecting that answer. So _soft_ , surprised. He touched Sasuke’s chest, where his heart was beating so fast.

“Tell me if you want me to stop anything, at any time. I won’t make you do anything you don’t wanna do,” Naruto said, and Sasuke just nodded. He moved until he was laying squarely in the middle of the bed and cursed the bandages wrapped around his head because he could feel them against the pillow. 

Naruto slotted their lip together easily, slowly, so _hot_ that Sasuke could feel his skin burning. Burning with need. Sasuke’s fingernails scraped Naruto’s hips as he slid his hands underneath Naruto’s shirt. Naruto made a breathless sound when he lifted himself off of Sasuke just enough to rip his shirt off and toss it across the room. 

Just as Naruto’s hands were beginning to find their path to Sasuke’s underwear, the music playing in the front of the house got a lot louder. Sasuke pulled away from Naruto and turned his head towards the door.

“I told her to do that,” Naruto said. His hands were still on Sasuke’s skin.

“Why?” Sasuke turned his head back to Naruto and quirked an eyebrow.

“Because I think you’re going to scream,” Naruto said simply. Sasuke could have rolled his eyes, if he didn’t know that Naruto was right.

“You told her to turn it up so that they wouldn’t hear us fucking?” 

Naruto shook his head an inch. “No, idiot. I told her to turn it up because it would keep us awake.”

Sasuke’s fingers laced into the hair at the base of Naruto’s neck. “You’re a genius,” he laughed, and then Naruto was kissing him again, and hooking his thumbs under the waistband of Sasuke’s underwear. 

The air was a lot colder than Sasuke’s body was anticipating. He shuddered when Naruto freed his dick from its confines. Sasuke tugged uselessly at Naruto’s shorts, but whined when Naruto moved off of his body again to take them off. The scratch of Naruto’s underwear against Sasuke’s bare thighs had his spine tingling. He was already panting, and they hadn’t even done anything.

“Take ‘em off,” Sasuke demanded. He snapped the elastic of Naruto’s underwear against his skin once and it made Naruto laugh. 

“Alright, bossy,” Naruto said. Sasuke waited with great impatience as Naruto shoved his underwear down his thighs. Once they were past his knees he kicked them somewhere, and then he was upon Sasuke again.

Naruto set Sasuke’s body alight with every touch, with every whisper, with every kiss. Sasuke’s heart was knocking hard against his ribs, even his messed up one, and he could barely breathe because of his stupid asthma, and his head was nearly hurting from how loud the music was, but then Naruto wrapped a hand around his cock, and all of that disappeared in an instant. Sasuke sucked in a sharp breath and found Naruto’s biceps to grip to steady himself, to keep himself from floating away.

“You’re already making so much noise,” Naruto said, _conversationally_. Sasuke rolled his eyes and tried to shift his hips up so that Naruto’s hand was on more of him.

“That’s not important,” Sasuke replied. He gasped when Naruto’s fingers grew tighter around him, but still not tight enough. “You don’t have to treat me like I’ll break,” Sasuke said breathily. 

Naruto jerked Sasuke’s dick once, just to see what he’d do. “I don’t plan to treat you like you’re going to break. I plan to treat you like I love you,” Naruto corrected him. 

“Get on with it before I change my mind,” Sasuke said defiantly. The truth of the matter was that he would rather die than stop doing what they were doing right then. He wanted to go all the way, and the longer Naruto made him wait, the more sure of that he was.

“Change your mind, huh?” Naruto leaned over Sasuke’s body to reach for the bottle he’d brought with him. “You’ll have to find a way to get up first.”

Sasuke had been planning a very well thought-out retort when Naruto pressed the first finger in. All thoughts of speech were gone and replaced with Naruto’s name, his face, the _feeling_ of Naruto inside him. A feeling he’d felt before, yes, but never so… wet. He realized belatedly that the bottle was lube, and it should have been obvious, but then the pad of Naruto’s finger slid across Sasuke’s spot, and there was no more thinking.

Naruto seemed to take great pleasure in making Sasuke squirm. “‘S just one,” he said. “Is it ok?”

Sasuke nodded wordlessly and threw an arm over his eyes so that maybe he could focus. He attempted to keep quiet by biting his lip, but Naruto seemed bent on making him yell. Without warning Naruto slipped the second finger in, causing Sasuke to audibly gasp. Naruto took this as a protest, but Sasuke shook his head. “Keep going,” he choked out, and then went back to biting his lip.

Naruto had taken great care of Sasuke before, but never like this. Every time Sasuke shifted or made a small sound, Naruto pressed a kiss to Sasuke’s forehead, his nose, his temples. Sasuke spread his legs wider to give Naruto a better angle. He felt his knees already starting to shake when Naruto pushed the third finger in. Sasuke’s nails found Naruto’s shoulders this time to grip as he yelped. Naruto’s free hand moved from holding Sasuke’s thigh to cover Sasuke’s mouth. He leaned close to Sasuke’s ear, changing the angle and making Sasuke’s eyebrows draw together as his eyes closed tight. “They’re gonna hear you, even over the music,” Naruto warned. His voice didn’t seem like he really wanted Sasuke to be much quieter.

Sasuke’s eyes flicked open when Naruto’s hand left his mouth. Naruto was watching him, but not intensely. There was an emotion in Naruto’s eyes and in his movements that Sasuke had never seen or felt before. He was getting wrapped up in it, whatever it was. The only thing keeping him stuck in reality was the sound of Naruto’s fingers sliding in and out, and the way it felt.

“I… I’m ready,” Sasuke breathed. Naruto had come back down to him so that he could press open mouthed kisses to Sasuke’s neck, and maybe to hear the sounds he was making close up. At Sasuke’s words, Naruto’s body stilled. 

“Are you sure?” Naruto sat up and glanced at the door before looking back to Sasuke’s face with that same concern as before.

Sasuke nodded weakly. “I’m sure. I want it.” He whined when Naruto pulled his fingers free, and he watched with intrigue as Naruto rolled across the bed to get to the condoms. Sasuke’s eyes grew wide when he saw how many Naruto had brought. Now he understood the look on Naruto’s face when he’d said to bring all of them.

Naruto plucked one from the many and rolled back over to Sasuke. “How many did you bring?” Sasuke asked incredulously.

Naruto shrugged. “Like, ten. You said bring all of them,” he reminded Sasuke, when he saw the look on his face. 

Sasuke supposed that this was true, and so he didn’t say anything else about it. Naruto had sat back on his heels, and he’d just ripped the wrapper open with his teeth, when Sasuke sat up, too. “Let me do it,” Sasuke said, though it was more like a question with the way his voice turned up at the end.

Naruto looked up, and Sasuke could have laughed at how concentrated Naruto looked. “Do— oh, yeah. Alright.” Naruto sat back completely, and he watched carefully as Sasuke drew closer and took the condom from Naruto’s hand. Sasuke willed his hands not to shake so much as he rolled the condom down onto Naruto’s cock in one move. Naruto made an impressed sound and kissed Sasuke’s forehead. “Talented.”

“Years of practice,” Sasuke replied. “On myself,” he added. Naruto just shook his head goodnaturedly and leaned over Sasuke’s body again just as Sasuke was laying down once more. 

Out of Sasuke’s view, he could hear Naruto opening the lube again. He braced himself, told himself to relax. It would be good, just the way he’d imagined it. It would be like nothing he’d ever felt before, to have Naruto’s body within his own, _finally_. 

Naruto’s rough voice against Sasuke’s throat drew him from his thoughts and slight panicking. “How do you like it?” Naruto asked. Sasuke could hear his breathing starting to pick up; he was touching himself.

Sasuke shrugged. “This is good, for the first time,” he said. “I wanna look at your face.”

Naruto still managed to give Sasuke the softest of smiles. “I was hoping you’d say that. I’m gonna do it now, yeah?”

Sasuke nodded quickly. “Yeah,” he affirmed. Sasuke tried so hard to keep his eyes open when he felt the tip beginning to press inside, but by the time Naruto had pushed in all the way, Sasuke found his eyes were squeezed shut. He made a sound like his breath had been knocked out and then bit his lip.

“Hey, hey.” Naruto’s sweet voice made Sasuke flutter his eyelids open. He felt Naruto’s fingers beginning to card into the hair that wasn’t covered by his bandage. “Is it ok?”

“Just a second,” Sasuke strained. He reveled in the way Naruto’s fingers felt in his hair, and the gentle touch of Naruto’s hand on his thigh. It had been so long, years, since he’d felt anything like this, but it felt like the first time. Sasuke blinked his eyes all the way open and gave Naruto the smallest of nods after what must have felt like an eternity. “I’m ok,” he said quietly. “You can do it.”

Naruto did not have to be told twice. His was suddenly so close to Sasuke’s mouth, and the change in angle made Sasuke’s back arch. Naruto breathed heavy against Sasuke’s mouth while his hips set a rather rough pace. Sasuke felt his body moving up the bed slightly, but then his shoulder hit Naruto’s arm, so he felt secure in the fact that his head wouldn’t hit the headboard. 

Skin on fire, insides alight, heart beating wild, Sasuke felt like he was on top of a mountain. In the atmosphere. Among the stars. Yes, that’s it. Naruto’s body inside of him made Sasuke’s mind go static. There was nothing there but the feeling of Naruto’s lips on his skin and Naruto pushing hard at his spot every time. Naruto did what he could to keep Sasuke from full out yelling, but there was really no use. Sasuke still found a way to scream when Naruto shifted just slightly to the right, despite the fact that Naruto’s hand was firmly pressed to his mouth. 

Never had it felt like this before. Before, huddled in Sasuke’s dark room, or in the backseat of Shikamaru’s big car, or _wherever_ , there had never been these feelings. Shikamaru had whispered in his ears, yes, but he’d never told Sasuke he loved him. Naruto kept saying it, over and over, rougher and rougher, more and more wrecked. Shikamaru had touched him, yes, but never so gentle, with so much care. Naruto caressed Sasuke’s face, ran ginger fingers down Sasuke’s arms and his chest, and he even managed to be gentle when he hiked Sasuke’s thigh up so that he could get closer, deeper. It all felt so different. So much better.

Sasuke felt hot, hot everywhere, and he could feel it curling up somewhere deep inside. He was going to cum soon, he knew it, but he didn’t have the words to say it. There was little Naruto could do to stop him now. Sasuke found himself moving back hard against Naruto, to meet his thrusts, and maybe that was what did it. Maybe it was the fact that Naruto’s nails had started scratching the soft skin of the inside of Sasuke’s thigh, the bite of it. Probably, though, it was the look in Naruto’s eyes when Sasuke caught sight of him. Naruto had probably been able to tell by the way Sasuke’s body had started to grip him tighter, so he’d leaned up to watch, Sasuke supposed. All Sasuke knew was that when he looked at Naruto’s face and saw the _need_ there, the _love_ , that he was finished. 

Sasuke’s legs went weak and his toes curled. Naruto never stopped the movement of his hips, which only intensified the feeling of Sasuke’s nerves bursting. Naruto put a hand to Sasuke’s chest, and Sasuke felt that he had been burned. Naruto’s skin was just as hot as his own. When Sasuke’s body stopped shaking, Naruto seemed poised to stop what he was doing, but Sasuke shook his head. 

“Keep going,” Sasuke said weakly. He wrapped his quaking legs around Naruto’s waist to keep him in place when he didn’t seem as though he was going to listen.

“Are you sure? Doesn’t it hurt?” Naruto asked.

“No, I like it. Fuck me, c’mon, I told you I won’t break,” Sasuke breathed. He saw something spark behind Naruto’s eyes.

“Get up,” Naruto said, in that tone of voice that made Sasuke want to listen. Sasuke shuddered when Naruto pulled his cock free, and he forced himself to a sitting position. 

It didn’t take any words for Sasuke to know what Naruto was getting at. He felt Naruto’s hand pushing his back into an arch once he’d turned around. There was no warning from Naruto when he pressed inside all at once, but Sasuke’s face was already shoved into a pillow. Sasuke felt the pins and needles feeling for a little bit, but it really took no time for it to start to feel good again. Any sounds he was making were muffled by the pillow. The same really couldn’t be said for the sounds of their skin together, but the music in the front of the house was loud enough that Sasuke didn’t think there was any danger in them being caught. 

Naruto _used_ Sasuke, and he liked it. He liked the way Naruto’s hand pushed at his throat, and he liked the way Naruto’s nails dug into his hip until he nearly bled. He _loved_ when Naruto’s fingers moved from his throat to his hair and started pulling at it. He liked this better than anything he’d ever gotten from anyone else before.

“I wanna hear it,” Naruto growled from above Sasuke. Sasuke didn’t know what Naruto would do if he didn’t give him what he wanted, so he let him hear it. Sasuke felt tears beginning to prick at the corners of his eyes. He rolled his hips back against Naruto’s. It seemed that that was what pushed Naruto over the edge, because in an instant he was gripping Sasuke’s hips so tight it hurt. A string of curse words fell from Naruto’s lips before he pulled out and slumped over. 

Sasuke could feel Naruto’s heavy breathing fanning into his hair. His eyes fluttered closed, but flew open again when something cool touched his skin. “You’re sweaty.” Naruto answered Sasuke’s protest before he could make it. 

Sasuke yawned and turned over when Naruto left the bed again. “I’m sleepy,” he said. Naruto scoffed before sneaking out the door again to dispose of the rag he’d cleaned Sasuke’s chest with.

When Naruto came back, he made Sasuke put a shirt on and get under the covers. “It’s gonna get cold,” he promised. Sasuke didn’t care, as long as Naruto kept his arm slung around his waist. Naruto sent a text to Sakura telling her to turn it down, they were going to bed.

“She wants to know if you can see how many fingers I’m holding up,” Naruto said.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Tell her yes, I’m exhausted.” He’d never slept so deeply in his life. There was no place else he’d rather be than pressed to Naruto’s chest, feeling his breathing, and knowing that he loved Sasuke as much as he said he did. This was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has been a really rough time for me. my cousin recently passed away, and the family drama that ensued was nothing short of insane. now, with this virus stuff, i’m having to make sure that i’m really on top of my school work; not too much time to write. i didn’t forget about you guys tho! i hope you enjoyed this one, and sorry again that it took me so diddly-dang long


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, i’m really sorry for the delay. this virus stuff is really messing with everything i have going on in life man. everyone stay safe and healthy, and i hope you enjoy! and don’t worry, i’m working on a lotta stuff to keep everyone occupied while we’re all stuck at home!

Getting the first text from Shikamaru was… it was weird. Sasuke was busy the whole day, sitting and watching everyone swim, and trying to ignore the way his head still felt. He was happy, and sated, and every now and then he would remember how Sakura had nearly caught them in the bed together naked that morning. He watched Sakura and Ino race each other to the middle of the lake, and he watched Naruto lounging lazily on some sort of floating thing. Every time he set his eyes on Naruto, he felt his heart sigh with contentment.

And then, out of Sasuke’s peace, came the ding. Across his phone screen flashed a number that wasn’t saved but didn’t need to be. Sasuke knew it by heart, oddly. Shikamaru was simply saying hello, for now, but Sasuke didn’t like this. He knew that Ino and Shikamaru were very good friends, and he couldn’t help but feel the smallest bit suspicious about it all. Sasuke texted Shikamaru idly the whole day, but he decided not to tell Naruto because it wasn’t important.

Except, towards the end of the day, Shikamaru started getting a little out of pocket. Sasuke had been flirted with before, of course; he knew how it worked. Especially with Shikamaru. He’d seen it, he’d felt it all before. But that was  _ before _ . A while ago. Sasuke was removed from it by now. Fully in love with Naruto, completely and utterly. Ready to spend the rest of his life with him. Shikamaru knew that. So Sasuke wasn’t sure why, at some time close to 11 at night, Shikamaru was starting to flirt with him. 

Sasuke tried to ignore it, and to steer their already pointless conversation back to something that was normal, but Shikamaru was being insistent. Sasuke didn’t really know what was going on with Shikamaru now, ever since the entire ordeal at school and with Naruto. All Sasuke knew was that Shikamaru was “taking time” to figure out who he was. That’s what he’d said, anyway. But seeing the words  _ Do you ever think about me, about us?  _ on the screen of his phone made Sasuke think that Shikamaru had figured himself out, but he had the wrong idea.

**Sasuke:** **_I mean… we’re friends, right?_ **

**Shikamaru:** **_Well, yeah. But you’ve never thought about anything else?_ **

Sasuke pursed his lips at the screen and then quickly locked his phone when Naruto started to come towards him. They were all inside now, sitting and talking about the day, school, the future. Ino was drinking again, giving Sakura some sips when she came closer. Sakura was making them some kind of cake thing, and she was flirting to and fro around the kitchen.

“Hey.” Naruto pulled his chair closer to Sasuke’s and flashed him that smile that always made Sasuke’s knees and mind weak. Sasuke did his best to return it, but his mind was elsewhere. 

“Hi,” Sasuke replied. He pocketed his phone and let Naruto come into his space. It was what he needed right now, to have Naruto wrapping around him, when his mind was drawn to something so strange as Shikamaru having feelings for him.

“Are you alright?” Naruto asked. His face was in Sasuke’s neck, so he couldn’t see the way Sasuke’s eyebrows were knitted together.

“I’m fine, yeah. Kinda sleepy. Head hurts some,” Sasuke lied.  _ Lied _ , damn it. It wasn’t even like this was so important, like it was really something that he had to keep to himself. He could tell Naruto, he  _ should _ tell Naruto. But he thought that maybe it would make Naruto angry, and he didn’t want to deal with that on this trip. Sasuke made his mind up that, if he could keep it up, he just would tell Naruto before he left and— no, fuck. That would be the last thing they did, fight? No. Sasuke grumbled into Naruto’s hair. There was no way to win. 

He might as well just lose tonight.

“I have to tell you something,” Sasuke whispered, so that only Naruto could hear. He rolled his eyes at the drama of it all; he hated it. Why couldn’t they just be happy? Why did the past have to keep coming back to them? All Sasuke wanted to do was live in the present with Naruto, live for every day that they had together.

“What is it?” Naruto lifted his head from underneath Sasuke’s chin and fixed him with a confused expression. 

Sasuke just shook his head and ran a hand into Naruto’s hair. “Later.”

“Will you two get a room? I’m dying here,” Sakura whined. She was finally finished mixing all of the ingredients together, and she’d asked Ino to set a timer so that it didn’t burn. Sasuke wasn’t sure that Ino was listening.

“They’re in love, Sakura,” Ino remarked. She gestured to Naruto and Sasuke with her wine glass that was filled with something that wasn’t wine. “Let them be.” 

Sakura huffed an exhausted breath and sat at the kitchen island with Ino. Just like that, Ino’s face lit up and she jumped up from her seat. 

“Do you guys know what we should do?” Ino said, and everyone shook their heads. Naruto had extracted himself from Sasuke following Sakura’s comment, so he was sitting in his own chair again. 

“What should we do?” Naruto ventured. His voice held just as much trepidation as Sasuke felt.

“We should play a game,” Ino suggested. “You know, Never Have I Ever, Truth or Dare, something like that.”

Sasuke’s first reaction was that he absolutely did not want to do that. Maybe he could have protested, but Naruto was shouting his approval of the idea just as Sasuke was opening his mouth. Damn it, Sasuke thought. It would be fine. All he had to do was tell the truth, and after a few rounds he could just tell them he was tired and escape this mess. 

“Oh! Or what about… what’s it called? Seven Minutes in Heaven.” 

“Too far, Ino.” Sakura shook her head. “I like the idea of Never Have I Ever, though. How will we pick who goes first?”

“I’ll go first,” Naruto said. Sasuke cut his eyes at Naruto sitting next to him. Naruto was humming in thought while Sakura poured them all shots. Sasuke held his close to his chest before he decided to go and stand near Sakura and Ino in the kitchen. Naruto didn’t seem to much notice or care. “We’re starting with ten, right?” Naruto swirled his drink around. “Cool. Never have I ever… ah, lied to my parents.”

Sakura downed her shot, shivered, and then scoffed. “Naruto, don’t be so lame,” she said. “That’s everyone at nine, right? Um, he’s oldest—”

“I’m older than him,” Ino piped up. She’d finished her drink and crossed her arms over her chest. 

“Fine, you go next,” Sakura said. Ino’s face broke into a grin when Sakura granted her what she wanted.

“Never have I ever. Um. Snuck out of the house… Wait!” Ino saw Naruto and Sasuke about to take their shots, and she put up a hand to stop them. “For  _ sex _ ,” she added, giggling. Naruto and Sasuke met eyes and Naruto tried not to laugh after he’d taken his shot.

“That’s me and Sauce at eight now,” Naruto said. “I already went, so it’s your turn.” 

Sasuke tapped his fingers against the counter while Sakura refilled their cups. “Oh, I don’t know. Never have I ever… gotten in a fight. A fist fight,” Sasuke clarified. It gave him intense satisfaction to watch Naruto drink to what he’d said, and to see the gleam in Naruto’s eye when he was finished. 

“Playing dirty, are we? Alright,” Naruto said. He was still rather put together despite being three shots in. Sasuke felt his knees already starting to shake.

“Oh, my turn, right?” Sakura said carefully. “Let’s go with… never have I ever gotten drunk at someone else’s house when it wasn’t a party.” Sakura’s eyes were fixed on Ino the whole time she was talking. 

“Leave me alone,” Ino mumbled. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand after downing her shot.

“First round, I have seven,” Naruto said. Sakura had nine, Ino and Sasuke had eight. “You have the most, go again.”

Sakura got a rather devious look on her face after a moment of deliberation. “Never have I ever had sex with someone in this room!”  Sasuke grumbled before throwing back his drink. Naruto had watched him before drinking his own. Sasuke did not miss whatever was lurking behind Naruto’s eyes. “Why’s everyone targeting me?”

“You guys are sick,” Ino laughed. “Can I go, can I go?”

Sakura nodded. Ino clasped her hands together with her own version of a devilish smile. “Never have I ever done it in public.”

Naruto’s eyes were on his cup when Sasuke spoke up. “Does a car count?”

“Yeah, cars count,” Ino nodded. She squealed as Sasuke and Naruto took their shots at the same time. “A scandal!” 

“It’s my turn,” Sasuke said. Any thoughts of retreating before this was over were gone from his mind. Everyone’s eyes were on Sasuke, expectant, and he took his time with thinking about what to ask next.

“Never have I ever… crashed a car,” Sasuke said eventually. Ino watched intently, dazedly, as Sakura took her shot.

“It was one time. Totally their fault,” Sakura said. 

“It was  _ not _ my fault,” Naruto quipped over the rim of his glass before draining it. “Alright,” Naruto said. “It’s my turn. And I’m gonna say… never have I ever had my parents break up.”

Sasuke grimaced. He was beginning to feel all of these shots. “And with Naruto hitting below the belt, Sasuke’s down to five,” Ino narrated after she took her shot, but she was using a monster truck announcer voice. Sakura shushed her with slight annoyance.

“Round two, Naruto and Sasuke five, Ino with seven, and I have, uh,” Sakura counted on her fingers, “eight. Yeah. Well, you two have the least. Sasuke, go first.”

Sasuke was leaning heavily against the counter. He thought he might slip if he moved one inch out of this position. “Never have I ever, mm, lied to someone I care about just so that I didn’t hurt their  _ feelings _ .” Sasuke made a triumphant sound when both Naruto and Sakura took their shots. 

“Hmph. Take yours, too.” Naruto said, gesturing to Sasuke with his glass. 

“Why? You’re not supposed to drink to your own,” Sasuke said defiantly. 

“Shoulda thought about that,” Naruto replied.

“It wasn’t to protect your feelings, it was to protect my own,” Sasuke said. Sakura turned to retrieve their cake from the oven, and maybe to escape having to watch Naruto and Sasuke argue.

“Take it,” Naruto said. His voice was doing that  _ thing _ that made Sasuke feel compelled. But this time, Sasuke wouldn’t fall for it.

“No.” Sasuke shook his head.

“Hey, hey, kids,” Ino said shakily. She sounded just the way Sasuke felt; very close to falling off the edge of drunk and forgetting about all of this. “Keep it classroom— classy.”

“Yeah, why don’t we take a break? Sober up with some cake before we finish,” Sakura said. Sasuke felt Naruto’s eyes on him as he approached the kitchen and the island, but neither of them spoke a word to one another. 

Oh, great, Sasuke thought. It was bad enough that he’d decided all day to hide the fact that Shikamaru was in contact with him,  _ strange  _ contact, but now this. Sasuke sighed into his cup of milk while Naruto made conversation with a very tipsy Ino about how the cake was and how she was getting a tan. 

Sasuke risked pulling his phone out to see what Shikamaru might have said, and he wished he hadn’t.

**Shikamaru:** **_I get that you feel like you love him, I do. Does that mean that when he’s gone, I don’t have any chance?_ **

“Oh, damn it,” Sasuke muttered. No one was paying him any attention. He attempted to reason with himself, but he wasn’t in his right mind to begin with. Just a quick conversation with Shikamaru should quell this, Sasuke thought. 

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Sasuke announced. The murmuring of his three friends halted and they all turned to look at him with confusion.

“Uh… do you want a congratulations?” Sakura asked. “You don’t have to announce things like that.”

“Yeah, I… bye.” Sasuke tripped down the hallway until he reached the restroom, and as soon as he closed the door he slid down with his back to it until he hit the floor. It would be quick, he told himself, fast. Shikamaru would have to get it through his head in less than five minutes that no matter where Naruto was, Sasuke was going to wait for him. It was destiny. And Sasuke would just have to find a way to make that clear without saying too much.

“Hello? Hey, yes, it’s me,” Sasuke said quickly. Shikamaru’s raspy voice on the other end made Sasuke’s head hurt.

“Hey. Didn’t expect you to call,” Shikamaru said. He coughed lightly. He was smoking. “Where are you?”

“Out of town,” Sasuke said. “Listen, I called because I thought maybe you should hear this, like,  _ hear  _ it. Not read it.”

“Oh yeah? Tell me.” 

Sasuke felt a wrenching in his chest where he thought that maybe his heart was getting sliced. It always hurt him to hurt people, and he wasn’t sure how much stock Shikamaru had actually put into what he was saying, but Sasuke couldn’t let him live in something that wasn’t real.

“First, I guess, tell me what exactly you were talking about?” Sasuke inquired. His eyes cast around the white walls, white floor, white countertop. He closed his eyes then and sighed under his breath. 

“I told you before that I was going to take time to figure myself out,” Shikamaru explained. 

“Yes.”

“And I figured out that I was wrong before, about telling you that I’d never felt like I was in love with you,” Shikamaru continued slowly. Sasuke huffed a breath and tried not to cry. He was not good at handling situations like this when he was out of his mind like this.

“I just started to think about you, and your smile, your attitude, the way you treated me, the way you wanted to be treated. The things you told me.” Shikamaru was rambling. Sasuke cut him off before it got out of hand.

“Hey, hey. I understand that maybe, when you think about it, there might have been something there when it was happening. But it was a long time ago, and I’ve moved on from that. From you.” Sasuke hated saying it. At least, there was solace in knowing it was true. There weren’t any sort of underlying feelings in him that were springing forth as he spoke. He was telling his own truth and that was relieving. 

Shikamaru took a long pause to process what Sasuke had said. Or maybe he was taking a drag of his cigarette. Either way, there was a relative silence on the other end of the phone which slowed the thoughts in Sasuke’s mind to start screaming, just the way they had been when he’d been traipsing to Naruto’s house in the middle of the night all those months ago. That was getting closer and closer to a year having passed. Sometimes the idea of it made Sasuke’s mind feel crazy.

“So… even when he’s not around anymore, when he goes off to wherever he’s going, there’s nothing? No chance?” Shikamaru’s voice had never  _ been  _ so hopeful. 

Sasuke chewed his lip. “No,” he said eventually. “I love him, I’m going to love him forever. So it doesn’t matter where he is, that doesn’t matter. He’ll come back, eventually.”

“But I’ll be right here, too,” Shikamaru pointed out.

“So?”

“ _ So _ , he’s going to be far away,” Shikamaru reiterated. “Meeting new people, living a new life. And you won’t  _ really  _ know what he’s doing, no matter if you think he’s telling you everything.” 

Angry. Shikamaru had the nerve to say this, knowing all that he knew about Sasuke, knowing what he  _ might  _ know about what Naruto had done with Hinata? “He wouldn’t do things like that, he’s not an idiot,” Sasuke said. But even as he was saying it, there was something tugging at the back of his mind that he hated. Naruto  _ would  _ do something like that, he’d done it before. He’d done it and then not told Sasuke to spare his feelings.

“Don’t say things like that about him,” Sasuke said with an edge of finality in his tone. Shikamaru didn’t seem to notice or care.

“I didn’t say anything, not really. Just that you’re not going to know everything he’s doing. Even if he tells you some of it, and even if you want to.” Shikamaru’s nonchalant tone made Sasuke feel like he was being mocked. 

“Listen, ok. I’m sure that you don’t  _ really  _ care that what Naruto did that time hurt me to my core… and I’m sure that you don’t  _ really  _ care that him finding out what we did hurt him, too,” Sasuke said. He was holding the bottom of his phone closer to his mouth because he was getting mad. He wanted Shikamaru to feel how angry he was. “I’m sure it doesn’t matter to you, because that’s just me and him and whatever is going on outside of that. But it’s  _ me _ , and  _ him _ , and it matters more to me than anything has ever mattered to me. There’s just… there’s no way that I could feel the way that I feel about him, about you. It’s not possible.”

Shikamaru didn’t miss a beat when he said, “You won’t know until you try,” and Sasuke didn’t miss a beat before he hung up. 

Grumbling, Sasuke forced himself to stand up and leave the restroom. At least he hadn’t cried; that was a victory.

Only Naruto was left awake. He was watching a cartoon with the volume low. “Where’d they go?” Sasuke asked. He would have liked to have sat next to Naruto on the sofa, but he felt that wasn’t in his best interest at that exact moment.

Naruto gestured to the back of the house where Sasuke had just come from. “Ino started complaining about how sleepy she was, so they went to bed.” 

“Ah.” Sasuke nodded and stood awkwardly in front of Naruto, who was looking pointedly at the TV and not at Sasuke. Something happened on the show to make Naruto laugh, which cemented in Sasuke’s mind his suspicion that Naruto was ignoring him. Sasuke huffed a loud sigh and went to the kitchen, where Sakura and Ino had left the bottle of alcohol out, as well as the cake. Sasuke shoved the chair out loud so that Naruto might hear him, clinked the glass loud as he poured himself something to drink, and made sure to scrape his plastic fork against his paper plate as he ate.

He saw Naruto’s shadow crossing the doorway after a few minutes of being as loud as possible, but he pretended not to. Sasuke looked up briefly, suppressed his giddy little smile, and went back to eating his cake and drinking. 

“Who were you talking to?” Naruto asked. His voice was strong and clear. He stayed where he was beneath the doorway, though Sasuke saw something in his eyes that told Sasuke he wanted to come closer.

“Shikamaru,” Sasuke said slowly, enunciating each syllable. Naruto came into the room, finally, and Sasuke worked very hard not to turn around to face Naruto. 

“About what?”

“Nothing,” Sasuke said easily. Naruto grimaced.

“Sasuke,” he said, “you can— I want you to tell me.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes hard and turned away from Naruto. “Why? I wouldn’t want to hurt your feelings like I did before. Better that I spare them, keep them  _ safe  _ from  _ harm _ .” Sasuke waved his cup in the air for emphasis but he faltered when Naruto’s fingers curled around his wrist.

Naruto took the cup from Sasuke and swivelled Sasuke’s seat around until he could put his hands on Sasuke’s shoulders. “I’m sorry about that. I don’t know why I… did that. It isn’t like we didn’t already go through something, and make it out. So I’m sorry for being petty in front of people who really have no idea about what happened.”

Sasuke’s eyebrows drew together in defiance. He crossed his arms over his chest. “Won’t be that easy,  _ Naru _ to. You make me feel crazy,” Sasuke slurred. “Crazy, like. I don’t know.” Sasuke shrugged.

“D’you wanna go to bed?” Naruto asked. Sasuke shook his head. “Well, what d’you wanna do then?”

“Weren’t you watching the Simpsons?”

“Yeah…”

“Let’s do that.”

When he first opened his eyes, Sasuke wasn’t sure how he’d gotten into a bed. Then, he kicked out his foot and felt Naruto’s shin, and he knew that this was Naruto’s doing. Sasuke leaned up so that he could see Naruto’s face better. It was still dark, and when Sasuke checked the time on the clock on the TV, it told him that it was past 3. He felt alright, albeit a little sweaty.

“Naruto,” Sasuke whispered into the dark. There was no answer besides a grunt. Naruto turned over, away from Sasuke. Sasuke tried again, but there was no waking Naruto up now. Sasuke hummed as he thought. He could try to go back to sleep, but that was pointless. He could try to wake up Naruto, but that was pointless. The only options he had were to leave the room and find something to do out there, or stay in here. Sasuke was not going to venture out of the comfort of the room, not at a time past 3 am.

Sasuke rolled off the bed and realized that he didn’t know where his phone was. The last time he’d known where it was, he was talking on it. Sasuke narrowed his eyes at the door. He didn’t  _ want  _ to go get it, and he didn’t really see the use in it right now, but he made himself leave the room, anyway. Sasuke had no possible hope of being able to see what he was doing without some sort of light, and he didn’t want to wake Naruto up. This is what phones are for, he thought bitterly, but then he laid his eyes on Naruto’s phone sitting on the table beside the bed. Sasuke stood, and he thought, and then he snatched Naruto’s phone from the table and turned on the flashlight.

Using the light of Naruto’s phone, Sasuke opened the door and left the room. He stood in the hallway puzzling over where he was for a minute before he realized that rather than take him into his room, which was much closer to the living room, Naruto had brought Sasuke into his own room. The bathroom was a little further than Sasuke had remembered it being, but he found it while only tripping twice. But his phone wasn’t in there, when he opened the door to check for it.

The next and final place Sasuke thought his phone might have been was in the kitchen, where he’d been eating cake. He was tiptoeing past Ino and Sakura’s rooms when he felt Naruto’s phone start to go off in his hand. “What in the  _ fuck _ ,” Sasuke muttered. At this point, he wasn’t shocked, and he wasn’t angry. He was just disappointed. In a split second decision, Sasuke accepted the call rather than just letting it go to voicemail. He was tired,  _ sick  _ of this always happening.

“Hello? Did I wake you up?” She was  _ giggling _ . 

“No,” Sasuke said. “He’s still asleep.” 

Hinata let out a barely audible gasp. “Oh, S-Sasuke, I—”

“Wasn’t expecting me? I didn’t think you would be,” Sasuke said bitterly. Hinata was stammering some excuse, but Sasuke cut her off. “What are you calling him at 4 am for? Was  _ he  _ expecting  _ you _ ?”

Hinata’s breathing was shaky. “Well, I told him I’d call him sometime today to talk about what happened last week, it just slipped my mind until… now…” Sasuke felt that he didn’t have to say anything to her about how stupid that sounded.

“And what happened last week that you need to speak with him about?” Sasuke was rifling through the drawers, opening the fridge, and looking underneath anything he could find to see where his phone was.

“Oh, um, it’s really rather personal, I don’t know if he’d want you to know.” 

Sasuke made a face at the plate he was lifting. “Right, yeah. Can I take a message? He’s busy.”

Hinata’s fidgeting was evident in her voice. “It’s about Kiba, tell him that. He’ll know what it means.”

Sasuke snorted. “Alright. How’s that going? His years of loving you finally paid off, yeah?”

“Listen.” Sasuke didn’t miss the edge that suddenly came to Hinata’s voice. “I’m sure that he cried to you about what happened, or what he thinks happened. He wouldn’t even listen to me when he called  _ me  _ to ask what was going on.” Hinata sighed in annoyance. “He doesn’t know the whole story, and that’s what I was going to tell him. Him. Not you.”

“You could have texted,” Sasuke supplied. He sucked in a sharp breath when he stubbed his toe on something, and then he nearly dropped Naruto’s phone when he heard a door open. “I’ll tell him it’s about Kiba, whatever the hell you're callin for. It’s clear to me that you don’t like me, and I never preferred you either. So just… once this, whatever it is, is done, let it all be done. Because you and Naruto are done, have been done, and will be done forever.”

Hinata scoffed. “Don’t get a big head. Just tell him what I said. And stop answering his phone when he’s asleep. Don’t think he’d like that very much.” She hung up then, taking the satisfaction of it from Sasuke. 

“Sasuke?” Sasuke jumped and turned around fast. He let out a hard breath when he saw that it was Ino. 

“Sorry, did I wake you up?” Sasuke asked. 

“No, no,” Ino said. “I had to pee but I didn’t remember which direction to go. Then I heard something and I came to see what it was.”

“Oh,” Sasuke laughed. “You probably heard me stub my toe.”

Ino returned his smile with her own small one. “Sorry that happened. How’s your head feeling?”

Sasuke touched his fingertips to his forehead. “Um. Good, actually. Well, you know. Given the circumstances. It doesn’t feel bad or anything.”

Ino nodded. “Well. I’m gonna go pee now. But, um, who were you talking to?”

Sasuke shrugged and dismissed the question. “Trust me. It was nothing.” He waited for her to leave before he continued to look for his phone.

“Aha!” 

He found it between the sofa cushions, from when he’d been sitting with Naruto watching TV. When he got back to the room, Naruto was awake and waiting for him. 

“Where’d you go?” Naruto opened his arms for Sasuke to come to him. Sasuke laid his head on Naruto’s chest and handed him his cellphone. 

“I was looking for this,” Sasuke said, brandishing his own phone. “I left it on the couch when we were watching TV.”

Naruto opened his phone. “Did Hinata call me?”

“Yeah.”

“And you answered it?” 

“... Yeah.” Sasuke shrugged. 

“Why? What’d she say?” Naruto asked, incredulous. 

“She said you’d be expecting her. I am sick of you talking to her,” Sasuke said. “It’s one thing after a-motherfucking-nother. She just refuses to mind her own business. Whatever she wanted to tell you, she said it was about Kiba. She wouldn’t tell me.”

“About Kiba?” Naruto sounded like he didn’t really know what she meant. 

“Yes, that’s what she said.” 

“I wish you hadn’t answered it,” Naruto said.

“And I wish she hadn’t called at all,” Sasuke replied. He turned himself over so that he was facing Naruto. “D’you wanna do something?”

“Like what?” Naruto asked. “Go to bed?”

Sasuke shook his head. “Something… else.”

“I’m kinda tired,” Naruto yawned. He wiped the tears that pricked at the corners of his eyes. “We can do it tomorrow.”

“Do you promise?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I promise.”

“And you have to tell me what she says to you.” Sasuke laid himself next to Naruto once Naruto got comfortable on the bed. “As a matter of fact, I wanna hear it.”

Naruto yawned again. “Alright.” He shoved his thumb into his mouth and mumbled a good night. Sasuke just hoped that Naruto knew what he’d just agreed to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen listen everything will work out i promise, it’s destiny


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> school is starting but i still found time to update twice in a row!!!! love you guys and thanks for the comments and kudos again

“Dearly beloved, we have been called here today to help our dear friend Naruto. This is an intervention.”

Naruto scoffed in his corner of the room, only for Sakura to glare straight into his soul. “You don’t get to have any qualms here.” 

Sasuke and Sakura were sitting on the sofa facing Naruto, though Sasuke’s eyes were pointedly not on Naruto right now. Ino said that since she didn’t know very much about the situation, she didn’t want to give her two cents. So she’d gone swimming. It was just Sasuke and Sakura, with Naruto looking more uninterested than he had ever looked before. 

“Tell us why you think we’re here, Naruto,” Sakura began. She had a pen and some paper. Sasuke thought that maybe it was a little dramatic, but she’d probably learned this from her mom, so he didn’t try to question her. What did he know, anyway, about mental stability?

Naruto shrugged. “I’m talking to Hinata even though we’re broken up?” 

Sasuke snorted. Sakura turned to him then, and asked him the same question. “We’re here because Naruto is a compulsive liar and he is  _ obsessed  _ with Hinata, even though they’re broken up.” 

Sakura nodded, hummed, and scribbled down each of their responses. “Alright. Now, Naruto, tell us the beginning of your relationship with this ‘Hinata’ person.”

Naruto sat up straight in his chair for a moment before slouching again. “Met her freshman year, we dated until last year. You were there, you know that.”

“Ah ah,” Sakura tutted. “I am a mediator . I don’t know anything about this situation.” Sakura finished writing what Naruto had said before directing her attention to Sasuke once more. “And now, Mr Sasuke, can you please tell me how you felt during this time?”

Sasuke chewed his lip for a second. “I didn’t like it,” he admitted. “I didn’t like her very much. I didn’t, and I still don’t, know anything about her that didn’t have to do with  _ him _ .” Sasuke gestured in Naruto’s direction without looking at him. “I mean. I was in love with him. So it was hard for me.”

“Ah. Love. Tell me, Naruto, did you love Hinata?”

“I thought I did.”

“And what changed your mind?”

Naruto scratched his chin as he thought. “Sasuke.”

Sakura raised an eyebrow. “Interesting. Tell me about that.” Sasuke hated the way that his face got so hot so fast.

“I started to feel things, want things that I’d never wanted with her. I wanted a future with him, and I could actually see it. He told me things, showed me things, made me feel things.” Naruto’s voice sounded wistful, but Sasuke still refused to look. He rolled his eyes at the ceiling as Naruto spoke. 

“Uh huh. And, Sasuke, do you love Naruto?”

Sasuke fretted with the strings on his shorts. “I guess,” he said. 

Sakura clicked her tongue. “Answer truthfully, or we’ll get nowhere with this.”

Sasuke huffed a sigh. He remembered words he’d said to Naruto, when it had all been so simple. “I love him. I am in love with him, have loved him my entire life. Yes.”

Sakura made a satisfied sound. “Alright then. Now, first. You tell me, where you feel it went wrong?”

Sasuke sucked in a sharp breath.  _ Where it went wrong _ . Wrong, it was wrong. There was no other word for it. And the fact that she spoke in the past tense only reminded Sasuke that it was over. “Uh…” Sasuke worked hard so that his voice wouldn’t shake. “He lied to me, continues to lie to me.”

“But—”

Sakura held her hand up and gave Naruto another sharp glare. “You’ll get your turn. Don’t interrupt.” She turned her full attention back to Sasuke. “Go on, sir.”

Sasuke could have laughed at her demeanor if this didn’t hurt so bad. “I… didn’t always tell him everything either, of course, but I do my best to tell him the truth. And to let him know that I care about him, more than life itself. But, um, to answer your question. It’s because he keeps lying to me about what he’s doing and how he really feels. It’s becoming impossible to trust him.”

Sakura turned then to Naruto and gave him the same attention she had given to Sasuke. “And you, Mr Naruto, tell me where  _ you  _ think it went wrong?”

Naruto hummed for a moment. “I just keep hurting him. I don’t— I don’t know. I don’t know why. I  _ know  _ those things he said, and I’ve seen them and I’ve felt them. He doesn’t ever have to prove that to me. It’s… I just don’t know.” 

“Sounds like you’re being disingenuous. You know the ways that you hurt him, even if you don’t know why you do it,” Sakura said. “Though I doubt that,” she muttered. “Tell me,” she said out loud, “how you hurt him. And be objective, please. Spare me the details for now.”

“I lie to him,” Naruto said quietly. “I do things that make him feel like he isn’t ever going to be… good enough, I think. Maybe I make him feel like he isn’t the only one.” 

“And is he? Right now, today, is he the only one in your life?” Sakura eyed Naruto intently, her pen poised over her paper. Sasuke couldn’t help but lean closer. “You have to tell us the truth, or else this won’t work,” Sakura reminded.

Naruto sighed shakily. He seemed to be fidgeting a lot more than he had been before. “I know that I haven’t done anything with anyone else physically since the last time he knows about, that’s the truth,” Naruto began. Sasuke pursed his lips but didn’t interrupt, only so as to avoid Sakura’s wrath. 

“I feel that there’s a ‘but’ coming,” Sakura said. Naruto nodded.

“Sometimes, and this only just started to get worse, I think about her—”

“Hinata?”

“Yes.” Naruto nodded. “Sometimes I think about her, and I remember the way it felt to be with her. It was familiar and it was everything I was used to, for a long time.”

“So, you might say, that there is still a place in your heart for her?” Sakura asked carefully. Sasuke was holding in his breath without meaning to in anticipation for what Naruto would say.

“Um. Yes,” Naruto said, and he nodded minutely. 

Sasuke sat back in his chair with a huff. “Of course,” he muttered. Sakura fixed him with a look. 

“And how does this make you feel, Sasuke?”

“I can’t even say that I’m surprised,” Sasuke said with a shrug. “I always knew it. Ever since he fucked her and lied about it… and then he kept talking to her… and even after she’s told him that she  _ cheated  _ on him with Kiba, he’s still talking to her. Expecting calls from her at 4am, and the way she was talking this morning? I knew that. It’s still almost everything she wants. As long as she can fucking  _ get  _ to him, that’s enough for her.”

“This morning? What happened this morning?” Sakura asked, looking between the two of them to see who would speak first. 

“She called at an ungodly hour of the night, so we called her back,” Sasuke explained.

And it had been a mess. 

“Call her Naruto, she wants to talk to you. She has something she wants to _ say  _ to you,” Sasuke had spit. They had just woken up. At first, Sasuke had forgotten about Hinata, and he’d wanted to do something. He’d gotten up on top of Naruto, but when he looked at Naruto’s  _ face  _ he remembered, and it made whatever he’d been feeling drain from him.

“Can’t we do this later? I just woke up,” Naruto whined, but Sasuke shook his head.

“No, do it now.” Sasuke reached across Naruto’s body, ignoring the way that it made his skin hot to do so, and retrieved Naruto’s phone from the nightstand. “You would have ‘just woken up’ anyways, when she called at 4 fucking am. So call her now.”

Naruto rolled his eyes and didn’t say anything as he called Hinata. He laid his phone on his stomach while it rang out loud on speaker. She picked up right before it went to voicemail. 

“Hello?” Hinata yawned. “Is this  _ Naruto  _ this time?” 

Sasuke sat on Naruto with his arms crossed. “Uh, y-yeah, it’s me. What’s up?”

Hinata seemed instantly more at ease when Naruto assured her that it was really him. “Your boyfriend answered your phone last night, do you know that?”

Naruto’s eyes caught Sasuke’s quickly, and Sasuke shook his head. He wanted to know what she’d say about him if she thought he hadn’t done what she’d asked.

“No, I had no idea. I just saw that you called and wanted to call you back,” Naruto said.

Hinata scoffed. “Well, he did. Seriously, he is obsessed with you.” Sasuke had to work hard not to snort. “Anyway, that must mean he didn’t tell you what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Naruto’s eyes were on the ceiling as he spoke. “No, he didn’t,” he said robotically. “What do you want to talk to me about?”

“Oh, there’s a few things,” Hinata said. She sounded so  _ happy _ . Sasuke hated her.

“I don’t have a lot of time,” Naruto said. It sounded more like a recitation that anything else; like he’d said it without even meaning to.

“It’ll be fast,” Hinata promised. “Right, so first, I don’t know if you remember that I wanted to go to Duke for, like, my whole life,” she said. Naruto hummed in response. “I got in! So we’ll be sort of close together, isn’t that nice?”

“You know who else is gonna be ‘kinda close’ to you? Kiba. D’you think I don’t know that?” Naruto sat up a little, which shifted the way Sasuke was sitting on him. Naruto sucked in a sharp breath before continuing. “Do you think I’m stupid? I know that this is your dream. To have your cake and eat it too.”

Hinata huffed a breath. “That’s one of the other things I was going to tell you, if you’d let me finish. Kiba and I aren’t even together. I tried to tell you that the last time you called but you weren’t listening. I don’t know what compelled him to say that stuff in front of all of those people. We were only ever just messing around.”

“And when did that start? When you were still my girlfriend?” Naruto’s voice was getting that hard edge to it. Sasuke could see his eyebrows drawing together, and his hand that hadn’t somehow snuck its way to touching Sasuke’s skin was balling into a fist.

“I mean… that’s over now, right? Whatever happened, it’s over,” Hinata said.

“No, tell me.  _ Tell me _ ,” Naruto said. 

Hinata sighed and there was the sound of some shifting on her end. “Yes, ok. There were some… moments, before we broke up.”

Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose. “Did you have sex with him?”

“What?”

“You heard what I said. Did you have sex with him while we were together, Hinata?” Naruto’s eyes were squeezed shut. Sasuke could feel, with the hand he had splayed out across Naruto’s chest, that Naruto was holding his breath.

“Like…” Hinata paused. “A homerun?”

“Are you serious?” Naruto was incredulous. He sat up further still until Sasuke had to slide off of his lap and onto the bed next to him. 

“I mean, yeah, that happened. Like. Once or twice. Maybe five times, I don’t remember,” Hinata said, all  _ cool _ , like what she’d just said wasn’t going to shatter Naruto to pieces. He’d never understand what Naruto had seen in that woman. 

“Good _ bye  _ Hinata.” Naruto’s words were breaking and his finger was shaking as it hovered over the red button to end that call.

“Wait, I have to ask one more thing,” Hinata said quickly. “Did Shikamaru talk to Sasuke yesterday?”

Naruto lifted his eyes to Sasuke, who this time nodded.

“Yeah, why?”

“Just checking.”

“Tell me wh—” But Naruto never got to finish his sentence because Hinata had already hung up.

“She is a conniving bitch,” Sasuke said the second he was sure she wouldn’t be able to hear him. He didn’t really care if she did, at this point.

“Let’s be civil,” Naruto said in an attempt to calm Sasuke down.

“Civil?” Sasuke leapt up from the bed and threw his hands in the air. “Naruto, you can’t  _ possibly _ — no, I will not be civil.  _ She  _ told Shikamaru to text me, just to try to get between us and to plant a seed in my mind. And it didn’t work, I’ll have you know.”

“What do you mean?” Naruto asked, his eyes and tone both weary. 

“He was texting me all day yesterday, that’s what I was going to tell you. Flirting with me, and he kept insinuating that since you’d be gone then something might happen between us, him and I,” Sasuke said. His anger mounted as he spoke it, because now he knew that it was Hinata’s work. “I called him and told him that no matter where you go, what you do, I’d  _ wait  _ for you. Fucking stupid, I was. And he said that even if you tell me some things, you’ll never tell me everything. I’ll never know exactly what you’re doing,” Sasuke added. He sat on the bed again, as far on the edge as he could get away from Naruto. 

“What does he know? He was just trying to put a wedge between us,” Naruto said. He tried to come closer to Sasuke, but Sasuke only shifted away. 

“He knows that you fucked Hinata, for one thing,” Sasuke ground out. “And he knows that you lie to me and he knows that you have this  _ thing  _ for her that activates whenever she wants it to. If he doesn’t know anything, he knows that.” Sasuke turned around to face Naruto and level him with a sharp look. “Why do you care so much about whether or not she did stuff with Kiba when you were together? And that they’re doing stuff now?”

“Sasuke…”

“Naruto, so  _ help  _ me, you’d better answer me.” Sasuke didn’t realize he was yelling until he saw the way Naruto was edging back away from him.

“I loved her for four years, so to find out that she was… faking, that  _ hurts _ Sasuke,” Naruto said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Naruto, I have been in love with you since I was eight years old. Don’t  _ tell  _ me about hurting. Don’t fucking say it to me.” Sasuke shook his head and stood again. 

“And then I came up here, and I told you that I wanted to leave, and you asked what was wrong, and I said  _ him _ … and now we’re doing this,” Sasuke said. 

Sakura nodded along to what Sasuke said. “That’s… fucking crazy.” She took in a deep breath to regain her composure, and then addressed Sasuke once more. 

“Sasuke, where do you feel you stand in this relationship right now?” 

Sasuke shrugged. “There is no relationship, as far as I am concerned.”

“And why’s that? What led you to your final decision?”

“He is a  _ liar _ . And he can’t stay away from her, so far be it from me to try to stop him,” Sasuke said through gritted teeth. 

“And Naruto?”

Naruto sighed a long and deep sigh. “I can’t make him trust me, and I can’t change the way he feels about me right now.”

“Because you’re doing it again, you just won’t ever stop,” Sasuke said. Sakura said something about him being out of turn, but he kept going. “And it isn’t even about her,  _ fuck  _ her. It’s about the fact that you’re taking me for granted again. Again.”

Naruto’s mouth opened and closed a few times before he figured out what to say. “Are you talking about your visions?”

“Yes, Naruto. At this second, at this very second of my life, I hope that I  _ never  _ marry you, that I say no when you ask me,” Sasuke said. He turned away from both of them then, towards a window. “I mean. What’s the point? If it just means that you’re going to keep fucking me up?”

“What’s the point? You saw it, that’s what’s going to happen,” Naruto said. There was pain in his voice, but Sasuke didn’t care. It didn’t matter.

“So what if I saw it?” Sasuke spun around then and jabbed his finger in the air while he spoke. “If  _ this  _ is the way it has to feel right now, I don’t  _ care  _ what might happen later. It’s not worth it, it’s not worth it. You’re not worth it.”

Naruto made a sound like the air had been knocked out of him. Sakura, at this point, didn’t have anything to say. She was shrunk into the arm of the sofa, looking between the two of them like a tennis match.

“You— I’m not worth it? What happened to  _ every time you breathe _ , hm? Every time you blink?” Naruto’s posture had changed again; now he was sitting on the edge of the chair, talking with his hands. 

“No, you’re not worth it. Not worth the shame, the  _ pain _ , the tears, the lies.” Sasuke shook his head. “You aren’t, and you won’t be. Because clearly, you can’t change.”

“I can’t change. Alright.” Naruto sat back hard in the chair and put his head in his hand. 

“You want to sit here and tell me honestly that you’re different from before, from the last time you did this?” Sasuke spit. He was incredulous at the idea. 

“I am different!” Naruto yelled.

“You’re the _same_! You still care about her! She is the love of your life! And you’re doing whatever you’re doing with her, I don’t know and I don’t care.” Sasuke was standing up now, talking with his hands. “You  _ lie _ to me. You act like I am crazy for being upset when you lie. Let you find out I didn’t tell you what I ate for fucking breakfast, that’s grounds for you to never trust me again. And then, on top of it all, you do the same fucking things you were doing before!”

“She’s just crazy, there was never any chance of us getting back together once you took me back,” Naruto said, but it didn’t matter. Sasuke didn’t care. That was probably a lie, too.

“You just say words, Naruto. You say words that you think I want to hear, that will fill in the right blanks. But you never mean anything you say, and I’m fucking sick of it. I remember, in that vision, you said something about our  _ family _ . All that tells me is that somewhere along the way, you’re going to make a  _ mistake _ , and I’m going to have to pay for it. With my time, with my love, with my life. And I’m not doing that, either!”

“Hey, guys, you don’t have to yell…” Sakura’s voice trailed off when she saw the look on Naruto’s face. “I think I’m gonna go swimming,” she said quietly, and she disappeared to the back of the house. 

When she left them, they both retreated back to their seats and sat with their arms crossed. 

“You really don’t think I’m worth it?” Naruto asked eventually into the dead silence. Sasuke looked Naruto up and down once over and then turned away again. 

“No,” he said simply. “You fault me for things that aren’t my fault, and we aren’t equal in this. All I’ve ever wanted was for the two of us to just… to be in love. For us to see the truth in each other’s hearts and live in a place where even in ugliest parts of each other didn’t make the other one run away. But I can’t. Can’t do this. Won’t let myself.”

“So how… long are you going to feel like this?” Naruto asked quietly. 

Sasuke made a face. “It’s not conditional. This is how I feel, from now on. There aren’t any more chances, because you’ve fucked up too many times. Every time I pick up the pieces of my heart, of myself, and put them back in your hand, you crush them again without a second thought.”

“I thought that this was a vision,” Naruto said, confused.

“No, Naruto. Everything from before, that had to do with my visions. Me staying with you despite the things I could already see, despite the things you continued to do.” He gave Naruto a cold look. “That was because I saw what I saw. This is because I can’t rely on that anymore. Maybe… sometimes they’re wrong.”

“So what are you saying, now?” Naruto really ventured to ask. 

“I love you, I will love you forever. And it is because I love you that I have to let you understand that you, you’re… fucked up,” Sasuke said as lightly as possible. “I’m just at my limit. I can’t do this anymore. No amount of promising or telling me you’ll change is gonna change my mind this time. This time, I’m really finished living my life for you.”

Sasuke stood then without letting Naruto say anything. He couldn’t hear any of the words or else he might change his mind. “Now if you’ll excuse me,” Sasuke said, “my Mom is coming.”

“Wait, really? You’re leaving?” Naruto stood and took a step as though he was going to follow Sasuke. 

“Yes, I texted her before this all started,” Sasuke said simply. “I can’t stay here. And… I know that this was the last week we had together, before you start your new life, but. You might as well just start trying to forget about me anyways. Think about school, geography, soccer. The beginning of the rest of your life.”

Sasuke was originally going to wait in his room, but he decided to go and say goodbye to Sakura and Ino while he had that time. He saw that they were both sitting on the pier, so he picked his way carefully down the sandy hill to meet them.

“Hey, Sauce. Did you guys come to a resolution? I tried to help the best I could, but then it started to get a little… deep. Deeper than I thought I should be involved in,” Sakura said. She and Ino were both squinting up at him, as the sun was somewhere behind his head. 

“Uh. Resolution. I don’t know if that’s the word I’d use, but. It’s over.” The words were bitter.  _ It’s over _ . Sasuke blinked up at the sky for a moment to keep himself composed. “I was just coming to tell you that my Mom’s coming to get me. I… feel that it would be a little awkward for everyone around here if I stuck around.”

“Oh, Sasuke.” Sakura stood up and enveloped Sasuke in a tight embrace. She was still a little wet from swimming, so there was lake water on Sasuke’s shirt when she drew away from him. She held his arms at the elbows as she spoke sadly. “I’m so sorry that it had to end that way. I know that you wouldn’t have given up on him if you didn’t feel like it wasn’t the only option.”

Sasuke nodded and scratched the back of his neck. “That’s definitely true. It hurts, um. I don’t know if it’s hit me yet. All I know is that I’m glad you invited me here. I don’t want this to sound wrong, but I’m glad that happened, too. Because it was simmering for weeks, months. I’m just sorry it had to happen here, when we were all having fun.”

Ino stood too, and she offered Sasuke a sad smile. “It was really nice getting to know you outside of school,” she said. “And… I hope that we can be friends, going forward.”

“Yes, I think that could be arranged,” Sasuke said, returning Ino’s smile. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but can you help me with my stuff? My Mom will be useless,” Sasuke said, jerking a thumb behind himself in the direction of the house.

“Oh, yeah, sure. Just a second,” Sakura said. Sasuke left them then, and when he got back in the house there was no Naruto in the living room, no Naruto waiting for him, no Naruto grinning and holding his arms open. Only the furniture, and the dead air. Sasuke drew in a shaky breath before shaking his head and going to his room, to gather his things. He could hear Naruto in his own room, doing whatever, but he did his best to ignore it.

Sakura and Ino came shortly after him, and just as they were hauling his bags into the living room, Mikoto pulled up. She got out of the car and gripped Sasuke so tight that he thought she was going to break another one of his ribs. “My baby, are you alright? Did he hurt you, are you ok?” Mikoto’s hands ran all over Sasuke’s body, as though searching for bruises. 

“No, Mom, he didn’t hurt me. I’m fine. I just wanna go home,” Sasuke said. Sakura greeted Mikoto with familiarity and then introduced Ino. Mikoto sat in the driver’s seat of the car while Sasuke, Sakura, and Ino put his things in the trunk. When everything was stowed away, Sasuke climbed into the car next to his mother. Sakura and Ino stood at the car window.

“I love you, Sasuke. It’ll be alright,” Sakura said. She reached her hand into the car for Sasuke to take briefly, and he did.

“I hope so,” he replied. Mikoto put the car in reverse, and Sakura and Ino stood back to let her back up. Just as she had gotten to the end of the long driveway, Sasuke saw something yellow flash in the side mirror.

“Mom, wait. I think— oh.” 

It was Naruto, and he was running after the car. 

“What is that boy doing?” Mikoto squinted into the rearview mirror and then craned her neck to see Naruto behind the car. When he got to Sasuke’s window, he knocked on it twice. Sasuke was reluctant to let the window down, but he did. He knew that Naruto would stand here forever, just close enough so that Mikoto couldn’t move away.

“What do you want?” Sasuke growled. 

“Hi, Mrs Uchiha,” Naruto said past Sasuke. Mikoto gave Naruto a rather blank look.

“Look, I know that you said it’s over and you’re done with me, and that I need to forget about you already,” Naruto said, all out of breath. 

“Yeah. So I don’t know why you’re doing this,” Sasuke said. “What are you even doing?”

“I wanted to give you this,” Naruto said. It was then that Sasuke noticed that his hand was in a sweaty fist. Naruto dropped something into Sasuke’s palm when he stuck his hand out of the window.

Sasuke looked into his hand and saw that it was a necklace. It was a thin chain, and there was a square for the pendant. It was plain. Sasuke admitted to himself that he liked it well enough. He turned his eyes back to Naruto with confusion. “What’s this?” 

“It’s for you to remember me by,” Naruto said. There was the pain in his voice again, but Sasuke ignored it. “Since you said I need to forget you, I just hope that you don’t forget about me.”

Sasuke looked at the necklace again. He examined it in the afternoon sun. “It’s nice. Thanks. Goodbye Naruto,” Sasuke said. Naruto nodded minutely and took a few steps back from the car. Sasuke watched Naruto get smaller and smaller in the side mirror until he disappeared. Then, when he couldn’t see Naruto any longer, he looked at the necklace closely again. It was thinner than the chain Mikoto had given him, but it was nearly the same color. 

After they had been driving for an hour in silence, Mikoto spoke up. “Do you want to talk about what happened?” She never took her eyes from the road.

“No,” Sasuke said, shaking his head. “Not yet.” It still hadn’t wrapped around Sasuke’s mind yet. It wasn’t real. Whatever had happened wasn’t actually sitting in Sasuke’s mind yet.

The sun was nearly completely set when they finally got home. Sasuke insisted that he bring all of his stuff inside by himself because he was sure Mikoto was busy with something. She was. Sasuke left all of his bags full in his room and sat with Dior on his bed.

“I don’t know what happened,” he told her. She was sniffing him intensely while he rambled to her. “He just… well, there was nothing else I could do, right? It had to end. Oh, but I didn’t want to do it,” Sasuke continued. He turned the necklace over in his hand a few times.

“Look at what he gave me, baby,” Sasuke said. He showed Dior the necklace and she sneezed at it. “It’s pretty. But it’s the last thing that I wanted to happen. To forget him? For him to be gone, and for me to not be able to be with him? Ever again? I don’t know, Dior.” Her ears pricked, and then she turned in a few circles and laid down by his feet.

“I love him and… and… it’s really over. There’s nothing else to do about it,” Sasuke said. He decided to call Itachi then, to tell him what happened.

It hit him, while he was waiting for Itachi to pick up, that  _ that  _ was the fight. The fight. The thing Itachi had been telling him about. “Oh, fuck,” Sasuke mumbled shakily. Maybe it was hitting him. 

“Hello? Kid brother. Are you alright?” 

Hearing Itachi’s voice was what sent Sasuke over. He let out a loud sob that wracked his whole body, and then covered his mouth. Dior looked up fast and Sasuke scratched behind her ears while he cried.

“Sasuke, are you ok? What happened?” Itachi’s voice was frantic. 

“N-no,” Sasuke said.

“Was it Naruto? What did he do this time?” Itachi didn’t try to hide the annoyance in his voice. 

“We broke up. For real this time. We— it was the fight,” Sasuke said. He wiped vainly at his face and then eventually scrubbed his face with his shirt to get rid of the tears there. 

“The fight. Oh, Sasuke, I’m so sorry,” Itachi said. He sounded like he was in pain, too. Sasuke wished he was there, so that he could hug him tight and feel Itachi’s fingers in his hair. There was nothing like Itachi’s embrace. 

Itachi sighed on the other end. “Tell me what happened, ok? Go slow.” 

Sasuke launched into the story, but he kept interrupting himself to apologize for crying and to curse Hinata or Naruto or both of them. Itachi hummed along with what Sasuke was saying until he got to the part when Naruto ran after the car.

“What’d he give you?” Itachi asked. “Can you breathe for me? You’re going to have an asthma attack.”

Sasuke did his breathing, long in and long out, while Itachi counted. “Ok, um. He gave me a necklace,” Sasuke said. He was a lot more calm, but only because he didn’t have any more tears inside of him.

“Did it say anything?”

Sasuke shook his head though Itachi couldn’t see. He laid down and wrapped an arm around Dior when she came and spotted herself against his chest. “It was plain. I like it, but I hate him for giving it to me. Because how am I supposed to forget about him and move on if he’s doing stuff like that?” 

“That comes from you, Sasuke,” Itachi said. He always sounded so sage when he was giving Sasuke advice. “It’s up to you to take the steps to end it mentally. For it to really be over.”

Sasuke sighed. “I know, I know. Um, Itachi?” Sasuke felt himself getting dejá vù at the tone of his voice and what he was going to say.

“Yes?”

“Have you ever had a vision that… that didn’t come true?” Sasuke asked. He was hopeful.

“Mm. There was one, I suppose,” Itachi said after a while.

“What was it, what happened?” Sasuke asked, excited despite himself and the situation.

“There was one time, when you were very small, that I got sick and had to go to the hospital,” Itachi said. 

“I think I remember that,” Sasuke said.

“Yes. So I was laying there in my bed, and I had a vision that you were going to do something silly and twist your ankle. I think you were trying to climb trees, and you fell. I remembered that it was snowing, the first snow of the year. It wasn’t a very substantial vision, I will say,” Itachi chuckled. “But, when I got home, I kept tattling on you for climbing trees, until Father told you not to go outside for weeks. And on the day of the first snow, you were still stuck in the house.  _ Naruto  _ twisted his ankle, but you didn’t.”

Sasuke’s eyebrows drew together. “So… you changed it? You did something to make it different?”

“Yes,” Itachi said. “I’m not sure how well that would work with major events, and how far in the future you can manipulate your destiny, but. I’m going to say that yes, it is possible.”

“Thank you, Itachi, thank you so much. I’m going to call you tomorrow too, ok? I’m exhausted,” Sasuke yawned.

Itachi chuckled again. “You cried yourself out. Get some good rest and don’t forget to do your breathing. And kiss Dior for me, please! Goodnight, baby brother.”

Sasuke kissed Dior between her eyes after Itachi hung up. He was still sad, and he felt that the crying had only just begun, but he had to do just as Itachi said. He had to take it upon himself to make the end really the end. And now, knowing that there was a  _ marginal  _ chance to change the future, Sasuke was ready for tomorrow, and then next day, and the day after that. Slowly, one day at a time, he would get over this. But he was going to keep that necklace in his pocket, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> naruto as squidward when he said “i feel like a... like a...”


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know something better than 24

“Are you crying? Why? Naruto, stop,” Sasuke huffed.

It was much later in the day, but they’d been found earlier. Kind words said, loud music danced to, cake in their face. It was only when they’d retired to their grand hotel suite that Sasuke had continued the story, despite how sleepy he complained about being.

“B-because,” Naruto wheezed, “I was such an asshole and I h-hurt you. You s-said you didn’t want to m-marry me.” 

Sasuke sighed as his eyebrows drew together. He fixed a button on Naruto’s pajamas and swiped under his eyes with his thumbs. “I hate it when you cry,” Sasuke said. 

“But I was _b-bad_ , Sasuke! I made _you_ cry. I fucking sucked,” Naruto stuttered. “You were s-so in love with me and I was t-terrible!”

Sasuke drew Naruto close to him and carded his fingers into his hair. “I was. You were. But that was decades ago. Do you want me to keep telling the story, or do you want to go to bed?”

Naruto shook his head. “Keep going,” he said. Sasuke adjusted his glasses and set his lips against Naruto’s temple as he continued. 

“Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Spring break.” 

***

The rest of the week were the longest days of Sasuke’s life. Being without Naruto had been hard enough, when he’d moved farther away. To know that even when Naruto came back, he’d be out of reach… it was getting to be too much by the time Saturday came. Saturday was the day that Naruto was going to pack up his things and leave for North Carolina. Of course Sasuke knew that. And of course he thought about it all day.

Telling Itachi was one thing. Telling Mikoto was, quite literally, a whole different kind of beast. Sasuke begged her not to call Kushina, but she _did_ . Sasuke begged her to ask Kushina not to yell at Naruto, but she _didn’t._ Sasuke heard the way that Kushina called angrily for Naruto, and all the harsh words she said to him. It didn’t make him happy. It just made him more miserable. 

“I can’t believe that… that _boy_ —” Mikoto was talking through her gritted teeth until she just couldn’t take it anymore. She shook her head and went back to her furious typing. “Break my boy’s heart, will you? Lie to my boy, will you? Atrocious.” Sasuke wished that he hadn’t told her. She was busy, with her exams happening soon, and she didn’t have time to be worrying about what a stupid boy was saying and doing to her son.

Sasuke stayed in his room the entire day, even when Sakura invited him over, just to talk. “We can just, like… nap, if you want? You can bring your dog?”

Sasuke told her that he’d rather wallow, and that maybe he’d come nap with her next weekend. Everything felt so… surreal. Living with Naruto, underneath Naruto, for Naruto, life had been a lot more rosy than it was presenting itself now. Sasuke was going to have to change the way he lived his life, maybe forever. No, yes. Forever. There was no way to get over this if he left space and hope for things to go back to the way they were. 

“Mom? Can I ask you something?” 

It was Saturday night, or maybe Sunday morning. By this time, Naruto was long gone. Naruto, Naruto’s things, his presence. He’d left the city, he’d left the state. Sasuke forced himself for one moment to think about what was going on in front of him, instead of in a big red car on the highway that was hours away.

“Of course, son. Come along.” Mikoto made space for Sasuke on her bed. She was reading a textbook and highlighting in it. Sasuke felt his heart swell to know that despite all that was going on before, Mikoto was picking herself up. She was doing the hard work. He could do it, too.

“Um. I was just wondering if you’ve ever had a vision that… didn’t come true?” Sasuke asked. He watched as Mikoto slid a scrap of paper into her textbook, closed it, and turned slightly towards him. 

“Why do you ask this?” 

Sasuke sighed. It was embarrassing, now, to think of all the things he’d done just to catch a glimpse of himself and Naruto’s future. Even the things that had been an accident. Nearly dying, and for what? For _this_ to be the outcome? 

“I had a vision, once, where Naruto asked me to marry him. I don’t know what I said, because it ended before then,” Sasuke explained, talking with his hands. “Is there any way that might not happen?”

Mikoto shifted her readers. “I would say yes, there is a possibility. I would also say that it is a very thin possibility.”

“Why? What changes it? Have you ever had that happen?” Sasuke asked. Mikoto put a hand on his shoulder to calm him down.

“It has happened to me, yes. A long, long time ago, like they all are,” Mikoto began. “You were very small. Itachi was only a little bigger. There was a time when your father… well, you know. In my vision, I saw that I was in the hospital, and at first I thought I had just woken up. But I didn’t hurt anywhere, not really. They told me that I had fainted, and that I was pregnant.”

Sasuke’s eyebrows quirked. “That was your vision? Where were we, Itachi and I?”

Mikoto shrugged. “I’m not sure, really. Well, Itachi was there, actually. He looked about the way he does now… so I suppose that would have been happening right now. Your father was there, though, smug. He stood at my side and held my hand, and when the doctor left he told me that now I’d never get to leave him.” She shook her head, causing some of her hair to fall into her face. “Obviously, I wasn’t going to let that happen. He was cheating again.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes at that. He would never forgive his father for what he’d put Mikoto through. He wondered if Fugaku would ever come to terms with the fact that he was evil. 

“So I did everything I could to make sure that _didn’t_ happen,” Mikoto said. “It was years and years in advance, but it wasn’t very hard. Your father was never in his right mind last year. And then, I finally got the courage to leave him. And no babies,” she added with a small chuckle. 

“Are you _sure_?” Sasuke asked, laughing. “I see,” he nodded. “So you were the reason it didn’t happen? You changed the future?”

Mikoto nodded. “I suppose I did,” she said. “And you want to change the future? You don’t even want him to ask you?”

Sasuke shook his head. “No, no, no. I don’t want to even be given the chance to say yes.”

Mikoto pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Then you’ll have to take it up into your own hands. It is your fate, after all, only yours. He doesn’t have to be a part of it if he doesn’t need to be.”

School was torture. Sakura stuck to Sasuke like glue, and Ino was always beside her. Sasuke felt himself warming up to Ino as the days wore into weeks. Naruto was the only signee to start classes, so Shino and Kiba were still around. Sasuke saw Kiba sometimes, and it made his skin crawl. To _think_ that Hinata had hooked him, too, made him feel bad. But that feeling went away when he remembered that Hinata had used Kiba to hurt Naruto, for no apparent reason. No reason except to be evil.

Soon enough, graduation would be upon them. Sasuke couldn’t really believe it. 

“I mean, really,” he’d said to Sakura and Ino as they were all at the park across the street from school. The park that Naruto used to take him to. “High school, over with. What a concept.”

Sakura laughed. “No need to get all wise,” she said. She laid herself out on the grass and closed her eyes. “It is sort of crazy, though. Like… I’ve been in high school my whole _life_.”

Ino sat on a bench, and she looked up from whatever she was writing in her notebook to gaze down at Sakura with soft eyes. “You’re just impatient,” she said. “Just the other week you were crying about how fast it’s all going.”

Sakura cracked her eyes open to glare up at Ino. “I was not crying. I told you, I have allergies.” Ino scoffed at this and went back to scratching about in her notebook.

“And to think that after all this time…” Sasuke shifted into a sitting position on the grass where he’d been lying next to Sakura. He couldn’t help that his voice sounded so wistful. “After years, like. Twelve years. We’re going to start the journey all over again, far away from each other.”

“Oh, Sauce, I won’t be that far away,” Sakura said. She rolled over once to get closer to him. He felt her hand touch his forehead and he sighed. “I’ll only be in Atlanta. That’s, like. It’s two or so hours away.”

Sasuke grumbled. “Ugh, but the traffic is terrible!” He didn’t have to say out loud that she wasn’t the one he was talking about.

Ino looked down at Sasuke from her notebook again. “It’s been a month or so… have you thought about what happened?” 

A month ago, Sasuke wouldn’t have anywhere near trusting Ino to even be sitting here like this. She wouldn’t have had the gall to ask a question like that of him, either. But time had changed, and Sasuke found himself even beginning to count her as a friend. He squinted and covered his eyes with his arm so that he could see her through the glare of the sun behind her head, making her hair all bright white and shiny. She was pretty, beautiful.

“Um, yeah, actually. There wasn’t much else I thought about.” Sasuke put his chin in his hand. He was looking straight ahead, but he wasn’t seeing anything. He was too deep into his own mind. 

“What do you think was really wrong with him? I mean, with his mind. Why he could… stand there, and know that you felt the way that you feel— felt,” Ino corrected herself and cleared her throat, “and still do what he did?” She shook her head in disbelief. Sasuke blinked fast as he came back to reality and scratched the back of his neck.

“I think it was a lot of things,” Sasuke said. “I think the biggest thing, besides the fucking _lying_ ,” Sasuke said through gritted teeth, “was the fact that he’d never come to terms with who he was. Is.”

Ino’s eyebrows drew together and she laid her pencil and paper down on the bench next to her. “What do you mean, who he is?”

Sasuke pursed his lips as he thought of a way to say it. “He liked me, at least at some point. And that was different for him, different than what he was used to. Before me, it’d just been… her. A woman. And then he realized, you know, that _I_ was the one that he really loved. At least for a short while,” Sasuke said. He looked up at Ino, hoping that she got it.

She didn’t. “I’m still kinda confused.”

Sakura grumbled from where she had turned over. “He isn’t ok with the fact that he likes boys, Ino,” she said petulantly. Ino’s eyes got wide with understanding. 

“Uh, yeah,” Sasuke said. “I don’t know, that’s just what I’ve come up with, thinking about it for these few weeks. And seeing your mom.” He shrugged. “Hi— _She_ was the last thing tying him to what he knew about himself before, what he’d know his whole life. He never fully let himself just… accept it. Every time it was becoming too real, he ran back to her to try to force himself to not feel whatever he was feeling.” 

Sakura hummed after Sasuke was finished explaining. “I never thought about it like that,” she said, “but it makes sense.”

“It’s literally what he told me, the first time he did it,” Sasuke said. “He said that he’d never had these feelings about a boy but I was his soulmate.” Sasuke scoffed. “Soulmate. So many words.”

Sakura laid her hand over Sasuke’s shoulder. “He wasn’t ready to be with someone, no matter how much he felt like he was,” she said quietly.

“Neither was I,” Sasuke pointed out. “I thought that I was over what happened with Shikamaru, but it was still affecting me the moment I admitted I loved Naruto, the moment he admitted it to me. There were other people in our relationship from its conception. We weren’t ready to be with anyone, and yet we chose to be with each other.”

For a while, there was silence between the three of them. Ino was sketching again, and Sakura’s eyes were stuck on the sky, its sparse cloud-cover. Another day where the sun was out, but it was hard to tell. The clouds didn’t want the sun to show. Sasuke sighed out loud, laid back down, and turned to face a tree. He was thinking about his life over the past year, the great shifts that had happened, and the things that had stayed the same.

A year ago, he was still recovering from almost drowning. Naruto was underfoot every second, checking on him, waiting on him. Sasuke had been in over his head _then._ And then, Hinata had done it; broken Naruto’s heart. His first vision had come true. Sasuke grit his teeth at the thought of her, the thought of the power that she’d come to hold over Naruto. Sasuke’s birthday had passed, and he’d gotten hurt again. Naruto had supposedly realized how he actually felt without knowing the name of the feeling. But the stress of Sasuke’s near-death, and the fact that he hadn’t come to grips with who he was as a person, led Naruto right back in between Hinata’s legs. Sasuke knew that he should have been done then, the moment he’d found out about that, but he was in _love_ with Naruto and was quite literally close to giving his life to make sure that Naruto was in love with him, too.

And then, it had really all gone downhill. They kept breaking up over stupid things; Sasuke and Shikamaru’s past, Naruto not treating Sasuke right because of _whatever_ the hell was wrong with him. All the while, they were only making it worse by being physical. Sasuke’s face got hot at the memories, but he shook his head an inch and closed his eyes. It didn’t matter. The real problem was the both of them not being in a state to be able to handle the other. Naruto was fighting his own sexuality, and Sasuke was still getting over the intense shame he’d felt about what he’d done years before. And _then_ , it started getting real again. Sasuke had thought, he’d really thought, that he’d seen the change in Naruto that he’d been waiting for, hoping for, _killing_ himself for. 

But he’d been wrong again.

All Naruto seemed to be able to do was run away from problems and never face them. Sasuke was not going to try to say that he wasn’t guilty of contributing negativity to the relationship, because he came into it with baggage, too. But Naruto created problems and rifts within their union too many times for Sasuke to be able to stand it, now.

“Sauce?” Sakura cleared her throat. 

“Hm?”

“D’you remember you used to take pills? For _fun_?” Sasuke didn’t have to open his eyes to see the grin on her face; he could hear it.

“I remember taking pills, but it wasn’t for _fun_ , you dumbass. Shit, though. A lot’s changed,” Sasuke sighed. 

“Hey, how are your sessions going with my mom?” Sakura asked. 

“Oh… She doesn’t tell you?”

“No, idiot. She’s not allowed. But _you_ can.”

Sakura’s mother was good at her job, Sasuke has discovered. He knew, now, why everyone in town went to her. His sessions with her were a lot like the time Sakura had spoken to him and Naruto. She was straight to the point, and she made Sasuke take accountability for the things he’d done wrong. He appreciated having to think about himself in the situations and what he’d done to others, instead of always thinking about what had been done to him.

“She’s really effective, I think. I’ve never looked inside myself like this before, before her. She just reminds me of how fast everything’s going,” Sasuke said. 

“Yeah. Life is crazy. And it’s really only just beginning.” Sakura sounded so dreamy as she spoke to the clouds and leaves above her head.

Sasuke opened his eyes to glare at the sky. “Just beginning,” he repeated. 

***

The next few weeks were a blur of cramming for final exams, late nights crying on the phone with Sakura and Itachi, and quizzing Mikoto about law. She was talented and had a strange way of presenting information to the jury of Sasuke and Dior (sometimes Sakura and Ino). Sasuke couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but she had _something_ in her that made them believe her. Even when they knew the “person” might be guilty. Sasuke found himself more and more interested in the things Mikoto had to learn. He liked to quiz her and he started picking up on things that she didn’t even understand her first time learning it. Sasuke had stopped working only because he’d needed all of his time to study, but he still went by Kakashi’s classroom sometimes after school if he didn’t have anything else to do (and he usually didn’t). Sometimes, Sasuke went to see Mebuki, but he mostly stayed home.

Itachi came home in May to be with the family when Sasuke graduated. Despite how he knew he should feel, Sasuke couldn’t make himself care for a long time. Graduation didn’t seem like a real thing. Not even after the _harrowing_ experiences of graduation practice. People did not listen, and people felt that they knew better than the adults who had been doing this for decades. Still, despite having to sit there, and then stand up, and then sit down again because someone stood up a second too late, walk across the stage, get handed a piece of paper about becoming an _alumni_ , and doing it all over again, graduation still seemed incredibly far off.

“You’re not taking it as seriously as you should.” Itachi lectured Sasuke at the kitchen table. He still had the audacity to be working, despite having told Sasuke and Mikoto that he’d taken the summer off so that his plants would have time to fruit without interference.

Sasuke scoffed. “Well _excuse_ me for not being able to grasp such an abstract concept as adulthood.”

Itachi rolled his eyes and pushed his glasses up his nose. “You could try.” Itachi closed his computer and took a long sip of the coffee he’d made. 

“I’m just so tired of things changing,” Sasuke said quietly. 

Itachi sighed. He laid his hands over Sasuke’s. Sasuke looked away because he was also tired of crying. “You’re growing up, Sasuke. Your eighteenth birthday is in less than two months. You’re going to graduate in less than two weeks. Life isn’t going to go any slower.”

Sasuke hated that Itachi always spoke such wisdom. How could five more years on the Earth given him _so much_ knowledge? Sasuke couldn’t fathom ever knowing as much as Itachi.

“And you are strong, the strongest man I know,” Itachi continued. “If anyone can take on the real world, it’s you, kid brother.”

Sasuke took his hands from Itachi’s and brought them up to his throat by habit, to finger at the chains there. He wore Naruto’s underneath his shirts now, and let Mikoto’s show. “I don’t want to,” he said simply. 

“Sasuke,” Itachi said sharply, “growing up isn’t optional. And you’re mature, sometimes, but sometimes you must concede that you don’t know everything.”

Sasuke mumbled that he didn’t think he knew everything and had _never_ said that, and Itachi rolled his eyes once more. “I just mean that… I still don’t understand how life, like, works. And no amount of wise words and sage looks are going to teach me,” Sasuke added, when he saw Itachi opening his mouth to speak again.

It took Itachi a while to think of what he’d say, this time. “I suppose I don’t know everything, either,” Itachi said eventually. “All I can really tell you, this time, is to follow your mind. It’s a lot smarter than your heart tends to be.”

“What about my _stomach_? Didn’t Mom say she was going to cook?”

Itachi chuckled. “I think she did.”

Mikoto ate with them. For once, she didn’t bring anything to study with her. There was a look on her face that Sasuke had seen before, and he didn’t like it. “Mom?” She was thinking about something really hard. It took Sasuke calling her name three times before she responded.

“Are you thinking about Dad?” Sasuke asked carefully.

“Oh, sweetheart.” Mikoto sighed. “I should know better than to try to hide things from the two of you.” She looked up at the ceiling, as though to gather herself. “Yes,” she nodded, “it’s about your father.”

“What’s he got to say to you, now? If it isn’t about finalizing your divorce then why is he even contacting you?” Sasuke’s mood always shifted to negative when Fugaku was the subject of conversation. Itachi had his eyes narrowed at his plate, but he let Mikoto speak. 

“He’s, um. He’s been asking me, and asking and _asking_ , about you,” Mikoto sighed.

“Me? For what?”

“You’re graduating, Sasuke,” Mikoto said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. She folded her hands over on the table. “He said he wants to feel a part of it. He wants to come, and be with us, Itachi and I—”

“No.”

Sasuke and Mikoto’s eyes went to Itachi where he sat at the head of the table. That was where he belonged. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. In fact, I think it’s a _terrible_ idea. No one in this room wants him there. Unless, do you?” Itachi posited, and he watched Mikoto closely as she shifted under his gaze. 

“It’s not that I desire his presence,” Mikoto said eventually, in a very quiet voice. “He is my husband. He is your father. He is my family.”

“ _We_ are your family, Mom. You… you’re all I have,” Sasuke said. “And I don’t need him there, certainly don’t want him there. All he’s ever tried to do is ruin you. I don’t _want_ that anymore. You’re way too strong to even consider him. He doesn’t exist. We are family. You, and him and I. That’s all.”

“And Dior,” Itachi asked. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

Mikoto looked between her sons, and then down at the dog on the floor, and then at her own hands. Sasuke hated when Mikoto cried, and he was about to get up to hug her, but when she looked up, she was _not_ crying. Her face was hard, her eyes even harder. “You are right, as you always are. We don’t need him there. It won’t do anyone any good. He won’t ruin me any more.”

Sasuke still got up to hug her, and though his eyes were closed, he felt Itachi wrapping around the both of them. 

It was announced over the intercom a day later that Sasuke was the salutatorian. Shino was the valedictorian.

“I’m the _what_?” 

Everyone in Sasuke’s homeroom erupted into applause, but it didn’t matter. He was congratulated in the hallway, but it didn’t matter. His mother and brother hugged him and kissed his forehead, but it didn’t matter. 

He was going to have to write a _speech_. 

“Goodness, fuck,” Sasuke grumbled as he crumpled up what had to be the fifth outtake. None of it made any sense. He was positive that Shino’s speech wouldn’t be _sensational_ , since Shino was… who he was, but he still couldn’t stand up there and just say anything. Everyone in his entire graduating class would remember this. They’d talk about it at the reunion, they might even tell their kids. And it would be on the local news, of course, so Sasuke could not fuck around. 

Which is why he waited until the day before the dress rehearsal graduation practice to actually start writing it. It was Thursday night (Friday morning), and Sasuke was looking at pictures of himself and Naruto. Sakura had scolded him about still having them, one time when she caught him look at them, but he’d complained and said that in order to get rid of them he’d have to look at them, anyway. So this was… no different. She had punched him for that.

There were just so _many_ , spanning different eras of their lives and their friendship. There was the beginning, the good old days. They still had baby teeth and Sasuke hadn’t found that rock in the forest yet. Nothing meant anything, just that life was _fun_ and _full_ and it would always be that way.

And then, there were the days when they’d started school, and the world started to open up. Things were a lot bigger than Sasuke’s house, Naruto’s house, the woods besides Naruto’s house, and the short expanse of street separating them. Naruto had started talking about wanting to leave, to see this bigger world. He’d started getting into maps and borders and all of those sorts of things. Sasuke’s mind hadn’t been so open to change. Itachi was in middle school, and then high school, and Sasuke was 13 when he graduated. All he cared about in those moments were the way his father felt about him, and the way that he felt about Naruto. 

High school changed everything, of course. Naruto became half of Naruto-and-Hinata. Sasuke lost his virginity, and so did Naruto. Sasuke experiences jealousy for the very first time. He’d discovered parts of himself he’d been trying to hide, and he’d accepted them. Itachi was in college, and then he was gone. Naruto-and-Hinata became Naruto and Hinata once more. And then, finally, _finally,_ it had been Naruto-and-Sasuke. Everything in Sasuke’s life, culminating in the small moments they shared in Naruto’s car, in the times they spent the night at one another’s houses. Every time they touched, every time they kissed. Every secret they vowed to keep, and every promise that was made. It was everything Sasuke had been waiting for, dreaming for. 

That building came crashing down, too, just like so many other things. Sasuke started having visions, and Itachi left them with nearly no words. Fugaku left, and Sasuke had never felt so alone. Maybe that was why he’d leaned so heavily on Naruto, and then his medicine, and Naruto again. One crutch after another. The home Sasuke was trying to build to house Naruto’s heart was built on cracked foundation, and vice versa. His parent’s marriage had been, too. And that was why Itachi was right, Sasuke knew. That was why Sakura, Mikoto, and Ino were right.

He had to take life into his own hands and rebuild, no matter how hard it would be. No matter how calloused his hands would get, no matter how hard his heart would get. Even if he felt like he had run out of material, he’d have to find it in himself to keep going. 

Sasuke didn’t realize he was about to cry until a picture of Naruto sleeping crossed his eyes. He drew his lip between his teeth and zoomed in despite what everything in his mind was saying. The chain around his neck seemed to burn his skin like a brand as he traced the lines of Naruto’s face with his pinkie finger. He’d taken this picture while they were together, the first time. Before Naruto had even said the words. Sasuke sighed out a shaky breath and locked his phone. Now was _not_ the time. He had something to do. 

A knock on the door made Sasuke’s heart nearly stop. “Who is it?” He swiveled toward his door in his rolling chair and strained to hear if anyone said anything on the other end.

“Why aren’t you sleeping, hm?” It was Itachi. He pushed the door open and turned the hallway light off. Dior was tucked into his arm, as she always was whenever he was home. 

“I have to write something,” Sasuke said coolly, but he knew Itachi saw right through him. 

“It’s due when you wake up, isn’t it?” Itachi sat on Sasuke’s bed with the dog.

Sasuke façade quickly fell. “Ugh. Yes, it’s due tomorrow during rehearsal, and I have to say it and _keep_ saying it and I don’t know where to start or where to end. Help me please,” Sasuke said, drawing out the last word.

Itachi scratched Dior behind her ears. “Are you not friends with the valedictorian? I was the best of friends with Shisui, even in high school. We helped one another.” Itachi had been one, Shisui had been two.

“Me? Shino? No.” Sasuke shook his head. “It’s all useless. I’m just going to say nothing. I have nothing to say.”

Itachi clicked his tongue in annoyance. “I do hate it when you speak that way about yourself,” he said. “You have _plenty_ to say, and everyone wants to hear it. Tell me what you have so far.”

“Hn.” Sasuke cleared his throat and straightened out his papers dramatically. “All I have is thanking them for listening and a story about how I got a B in tenth grade and somehow still made it here. There. To second place, I mean.”

Itachi tutted and came to where Sasuke sat. “Mind if I…?” Sasuke shook his head when Itachi gestured to a chair across the room. 

Itachi pulled the chair closer to Sasuke’s desk and spoke with a serious tone. “You have to pull at their hearts, Sasuke. It has to mean something,” Itachi said.

“I _know_ that. That’s why I don’t have anything, because everything I write means nothing,” Sasuke explained with annoyance. 

“Well,” Itachi said, ignoring Sasuke’s tone, “I remember that I talked about what got me to that place. All the things I’d given up, all the things I’d learned, the people I’d befriended,” Itachi said. Sasuke nodded along while he spoke. “And I hate to toot my own horn, but you have me to mention,” Itachi added. 

“Oh, right. I’ll always have _you_ to mention.” Sasuke clicked his pen open and sighed deeply. “I just feel like I have nothing to say,” he repeated.

Itachi’s hand on Sasuke’s shoulder caused Sasuke to close his eyes. “What’s the hardest thing you’ve had to overcome to get to where you are?”

Sasuke’s eyes flew open and he craned his neck to scowl in Itachi’s direction. “Is this a college essay?”

“Just _listen_ , for once. Just, write about that. I promise, it’ll come to you.”

***

“You may be seated.”

The shuffling of seats was deafening in the silence of the civic center. Sasuke could _see_ everyone, and everyone could see him. His cap was too big, and it kept sliding forward on his head. Every few seconds, while Dr Sarutobi was talking, Sasuke saw his tassel before his eyes and he had to push his cap back. At the very least, right now no one was looking at him. They were all listening to Hiruzen, who spoke about the hardships the class had faced, and their triumphs, and the obstacles they’d overcome. Sasuke had heard it all before. He was barely listening when he saw Shino stand and pivot and then walk in a straight line, as denoted by X’s along the ground, to the podium to give his speech. He spoke curtly and factually, giving statistics about test scores and how many of their classmates had gotten into big name colleges. Sasuke stifled a yawn behind his hand and squinted out into stands above him to see if he could find his mother or Itachi. He saw Kushina and Minato, and it made his heart feel weak. He hadn’t spoken to them since he’d broken up with Naruto for good. Sakura told him how they spoke about him, missed him, hoped he was doing well, whenever Kushina went to see Mebuki. It was a long, convoluted game of telephone that Sasuke hated being on the receiving end of. 

“And now, some words from our salutatorian, Sasuke Uchiha.”

There was loud applause, but Sasuke couldn’t hear it. He was beginning to feel numb all over as he stood, pivoted and walked along the X’s on the ground. When he got before the podium he turned the page in the notebook there to his own speech. His classmates had liked it well enough the day before at practice, but this was different. There were adults here now, who would be judging him. Not to mention Naruto’s parents. Sasuke gripped the edges of the podium so tight with his sweaty hands that his knuckles grew white. He took a few deep breaths, just as Itachi had instructed him to, and wet his lips before he started. 

“Um. Hello, everyone,” Sasuke began. He wished he could see someone, _anyone_ that he recognized to anchor him, but he couldn’t. He was alone in this moment in time, which was standing still. It was now or never. Sasuke coughed and started talking again. He hoped no one could see how his knees were beginning to shake.

“Just as Dr Sarutobi said, our class has certainly been through some hard times. There have been many obstacles to overcome, big and small; rival schools in sports and academics, earning passing grades in our classes, finding someone to sit with at lunch.” This elicited some laughs, just like Itachi said it would. Sasuke felt a small fire starting in his chest. “But we have also created lasting memories with one another across these last four years. Our first homecoming, our last homecoming. Winning the academic decathlon three years in a row. Having a record number of our athletes sign this year. All of these things, and many others, have made impressions on our hearts and minds that we are likely to never forget.” Sasuke shoved his glasses back up his nose and his cap back onto the top of his head.

“I want to say something, something that I think not only reflects myself, but the entire class,” Sasuke continued. “We are incredible. Surely, we are not and will not be the last group of students to walk across this stage. But, and I may be a little biased, I feel that we are the best.” More laughter. Sasuke allowed himself to smile at this. “Our struggles were not unique to the high school experience, but it was because of this that we have become who we are today. A group of hard workers. People who do not give up in the face of adversity, no matter how hard life wants to knock us down. If we hadn’t persevered, we wouldn’t be here today. I mean, look at me. I made a B in a science class in tenth grade and I’m still the number two student in the whole class.”

Sasuke huffed a sigh and traced his finger along the words he’d written, as he’d lost his place. “Now, a lot of people haven’t had my life experiences. My brother was the valedictorian five years ago. Older brothers,” Sasuke with a shake of his head. “But, he told me more things than I’ll ever hear, and imparted more knowledge in me than I could ever learn on my own. He always told me things, and he’s been telling me this, recently: anything is possible, if you put your mind to it. You’re in charge of your own life, your own fate, your own destiny. To my fellow classmates, I want to tell you: don’t let life happen to you. _You_ should happen to life. Thank you.” Sasuke released the podium and took shaky steps back to his seat amongst those slightly taller and slightly shorter than him. His ears were roaring with the sounds of the audience clapping for him. He felt it in his chest, in his rib. 

Dr Sarutobi made a few more remarks, and then it was time to start calling the names. Sasuke was nowhere near the front row, so it was hard for him to pay attention at first. Then, Sakura’s name was called, and Sasuke was watching intently. He felt the tears already starting to prick the corners of his eyes when he saw her there, her hair all curled about her shoulders. She was rather short, he realized with a small chuckle to himself. He strained to see her as she took her diploma with poise and then grinned with wild excitement for her picture. Sasuke’s heart sighed when she sat. He loved Sakura, and was so proud of her.

It took Ino a longer while to get up there, since she was taller, and in the meantime, Sasuke had to watch Hinata walk across the stage. It was just annoying, really. He didn’t care anymore, he just hoped that she would continue to leave him alone for the rest of their natural lives and beyond. Upon the stage, Hinata struck Sasuke as… different. There was something about her aura that had changed. Sasuke didn’t know if it was her hair, or the way she was walking, but there was something off. He noticed, too, that when she posed for her picture she held her diploma significantly lower than all of the other girls. Sasuke shook his head slightly and told himself that he didn’t care, because he didn’t.

When the first row of boys (or people outfitted in the hideous color green Itachi and Mikoto had insisted Sasuke wear, too) were set to stand, Sasuke was on the edge of his seat. He had been guilty of standing too fast at practice due to negligence, but something about today made him want to get everything right. The walk back up to the stage allowed Sasuke to throw a wink at Sakura, who pretended to catch it and held it to her heart.

Sasuke had never learned the name of the kid whose name came before his. All that mattered to him in that second was that he heard the words, “Sasuke Uchiha,” being uttered, and it was his turn. Finally, a moment only about him.

“Congratulations,” Mayor Senju whispered to him. He handed Sasuke his diploma and reached to shake his right hand. Sasuke shook maybe just a little too hard, and then he was rushing down the stairs to have his picture taken by the event photographer. He _smiled_ , wide and with his teeth, and then waited for the rest of the line to be finished before they all walked beneath more applause back to their seats. 

Sasuke allowed himself to zone out after that, until it was time to stand up again. This time, they were filing out. There had been some final remarks by the principal, and then they were free to go after singing their alma mater. Sasuke had always hated that song, and this being the last time he sang it didn’t make him hate it any less. The people around him were crying, though, _wheezing_ as they sang it, and Sasuke wasn’t an animal. It pulled at his heart to see these people cry, even if he’d never met any of them in his entire high school career.

Mikoto had warned Sasuke that there wouldn’t be very much time for him to take pictures in his cap and gown after the ceremony, because they’d made reservations. Just as she’d promised, she and Itachi were waiting for him at the third pole from the front doors. The both of them grabbed Sasuke up tight and hugged him and kissed him and made him pose for pictures all before he’d even acknowledged them.

“Mom, Mom, hold on,” Sasuke breathed. He felt something sharp in his chest, but he didn’t mention it because now was not the time. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. You’re a grown up, baby! A graduate. My perfect graduated sons.” Mikoto pinched both of her sons’ cheeks despite their protests. “Now, Sasuke, it’s hot, and we have somewhere to be. So make all your pictures quick, and we’ll be in the car. D’you remember where we parked?”

“Kind of—”

“Good, good. We need you to come in, um, thirty minutes. Thirty five at the most,” Mikoto said, and then she and Itachi were gone from Sasuke’s eyes.

Sasuke took pictures with Sakura, Ino, Sakura and Ino, and a plethora of other people he barely knew. They just wanted pictures with him because he was the salutatorian. He saw some older kids, Lee and Tenten and Gaara. He also saw Neji hovering over everything Hinata was doing, and went in the opposite direction of _that_.

“Sasuke, Sasuke, sweetie!” 

Sasuke heard his name being called from behind him, and he felt a heavy feeling settling over his chest. It was Kushina, with Minato in tow. “Oh… h-hi.” Sasuke waved awkwardly. 

“We… know what happened,” Kushina said. She looked at Sasuke with remorse, and with love. She still had a spot for him in her heart, despite the distance he’d put between them. “Our knucklehead son never deserved anyone so gracious, so wonderfully caring as you.” Kushina leaned forward to kiss Sasuke’s temple, and he let her. “We will always love you, no matter what goes wrong or right. You’ll always be family.”

“Congratulations, son, on salutatorian,” Minato said, laying his hand over Sasuke’s shoulder. “Even though, you know what they say.”

Sasuke shook his head. “What do they say?”

“Second place is the first loser.” Minato fixed Sasuke with a wide grin, and all Sasuke could think of was Naruto. He made himself return the smile before mumbling something about needing to go soon.

“Please, tell your mother to call me!” Kushina called after Sasuke as he continued to weave his way in and out of the throngs of people. He felt satisfied with the amount of people he’d greeted and pictures he’d taken, so he was heading toward the parking lot. There weren’t so many people around the edges, but it was still so hot.

Sasuke knew that he should have seen him coming, but that was just the way it always happened; Naruto always caught him completely and utterly off guard.

“Woah there,” Naruto said. Sasuke’s hand was on his chest because he’d just bumped into Naruto. His eyes got wide and his throat got dry as he looked at Naruto’s face, his eyes. Sasuke made a sound like the wind had just been knocked out of him.

“Wh-what are you doing here?” Sasuke stammered. It was just like him to lose all his thoughts when Naruto was involved.

Naruto shrugged and allowed Sasuke to take a step back from him. Too close. “I came to watch my friends graduate,” he said smoothly. Sasuke could slap him. And kiss him. 

But instead, Sasuke crossed his arms. “Oh, right. Because you have so many friends besides Sakura.”

Naruto shrugged again, and his hand came up to push Sasuke’s cap back up into his head properly. Sasuke looked away from Naruto’s eyes then, despite how hard Naruto was working to catch his gaze. “I came to get mine, since I didn’t walk,” Naruto admitted. “But, you’re a friend, right?”

“Maybe I was, once,” Sasuke said. “But friends don’t do what you did.” 

Naruto sucked in a sharp breath. He conceded to this. “That’s right,” he said. There was a silence between them, one for which Sasuke was not glad. He _was_ glad, however, to know that Naruto wouldn't be able to tell that he had his chain tucked underneath his white button down shirt underneath this gown.

“Look, I have somewhere to be. With people that care about me,” Sasuke said. He adjusted his glasses and squinted through the glare of the sun. “So if you have something important to say, please say it. I don’t have time for this.”

Naruto moves his weight from one foot to another. Sasuke could feel how tense Naruto had become. “I, hm, I heard what you said. About being in charge of your destiny and your fate. And I just wanted to tell you that, uh.” Naruto’s hands were shaking at his sides but Sasuke kept his face solid. No amount of Naruto’s nerves would make him break his resolve.

“I know it isn’t my place to say this, but I hope that you don’t change your mind. And that you don’t change your destiny so that I’m not in it,” Naruto said. His voice was shaking and he gave Sasuke a tremulous smile. “Because I love you, and I know it’s not my place to say that either, but. Being so far away from you, and not being in contact with you, and only having a picture of you to remember you by…” Naruto shook his head. “I tried to tell you before that I can’t live without you. And I know that I did things and said things that made it very hard, _impossible_ to believe me. But I came to terms with one thing.”

Sasuke’s eyes were on a tree last Naruto’s ear. “What is it.” He tried to sound bored, but there was never anything he could ever hide from Naruto.

“You are incredible, just like you said,” Naruto said quietly. “And no matter where you go, or what you’re doing, I’m always going to think about you. Even if you pretend I don’t exist, even if you tell people we’ve never met, even if you fall in love with someone else.” Sasuke kept his gaze trained on his shoes, just barely peeking out from underneath his gown. There was absolutely no way he was going to cry right now.

“I will never, _ever_ forget you.”

Sasuke’s eyes fluttered shut. He allowed himself three seconds of weakness before opening them again and giving Naruto a hard look. “That’s nice. Thank you for coming, I guess. I wish you the best.”

Forcing himself to walk away from Naruto felt like ripping off an entire half of himself. Half of his heart, half of his soul was left standing there on that curb, watching Sasuke as he walked as fast as he could to the car where Itachi and Mikoto were waiting for him. Sasuke had thought he’d felt it all, but he’d never _experienced_ such pain. He’d never felt something inside of himself so deep as to reject Naruto, and to not have any other choice. 

Sasuke slid into the backseat of the car, and as soon as he’d closed the door behind himself, Mikoto was on him. “What took you so long? I told you thirty minutes! We have fifteen minutes to get there,” she scolded. 

Sasuke shrugged and kept his eyes out the window. His heart was beating in his throat. “Sorry,” he mumbled. 

“Tell me,” Itachi said once they had been seated at the restaurant, “what really took you so long?”

Mikoto was in the bathroom. Itachi hadn’t asked until he was sure she was gone. 

Sasuke sighed and shook his head. He stuck his face in the flowers Mikoto had bought for him for the fiftieth time in ten minutes. “It was nothing. I was just stuck in the crowd,” he attempted. Itachi clicked his tongue but didn’t press it, because Mikoto came back to the table.

“Your speech was so lovely,” Mikoto said. She was gazing at Sasuke like she’d never seen him before. Sasuke tried his hardest not to roll his eyes. 

“It wasn’t that great,” Sasuke said. “It was kinda short.”

“Well, it was much better than that other young man’s speech,” Mikoto pointed out. “All numbers and figures. Very calculating, that young man.” 

The sun was setting outside the windows of the small restaurant when Sasuke noticed it. He nudged Itachi while Mikoto was going on about how confident she felt about her abilities in a courtroom. Itachi gave Sasuke a look that told him they’d seen the same thing.

Sasuke cleared his throat and interrupted Mikoto while she spoke. “Hey, Mom, why’s there an empty seat?”

Mikoto had sat her purse in it, but it made no sense for them to have been sat a table with four seats to begin with. She started fretting over some of the vegetables on her plate. 

Itachi spoke up, then. “You’ve been watching the door for at least twenty minutes,” he added, “and every time your phone makes a sound, you jump ten feet in the air.”

Mikoto sighed anxiously. “I don’t know what you mean,” she said. Sasuke and Itachi swapped a glance.

It was at that exact moment that they both saw him. Fugaku came shuffling into the restaurant and he sat himself down right next to Mikoto like… like nothing had changed.

Mikoto’s face was on its way to red when Fugaku sat down. “My sons, my boys,” he said, in an attempt to sound all warm and happy to see them. Sasuke’s eyes suddenly could not leave his phone but Itachi’s were fixed on their father’s face. At the very least, he’d taken some time to clean himself up, but Sasuke didn’t trust him and never would again.

“How was the ceremony? I missed it, because I wasn’t extended any tickets,” Fugaku said. Sasuke snorted but otherwise remained silent.

“It was grand, and nothing that you should worry yourself about, _Father_ ,” Itachi replied. His elbows were on the table as his hands were folded beneath his chin. “We didn’t want you there.”

“I couldn’t imagine why not,” Fugaku said. Itachi cut his eyes at Sasuke, he felt it, but he didn’t want to say anything. There was nothing to say to this man. Eventually, Sasuke looked up from his phone and addressed Mikoto singularly.

“Why’s he here? I told you I didn’t want to see him,” Sasuke said. He laid his chin in his hand and watched Mikoto fidget. 

“I thought that maybe, if you saw him, you’d come around,” Mikoto said eventually. 

“Come around to _what_ , Mom? I told you that I don’t want him in my life. He doesn’t count as anything to me,” Sasuke said. “You can’t change my mind about it.” Finally, he turned his gaze to Fugaku without moving his neck. “How did you even fucking get here? Isn’t your license suspended?”

Mikoto exclaimed a “Sasuke!” but Fugaku put a hand on her shoulder. Sasuke could have slapped him for touching her. 

“It’s alright. Listen, son. I’m sure that while I was away, you had time to think about all the bad things I did,” Fugaku said. Sasuke dug beneath his fingernails. “But when your Mother called me, I thought, this must be my chance to make it up to them. That’s why I’m here. To start the process.”

“Mother,” Itachi said slowly, “this is exactly what Sasuke warned you would happen.”

“And what’s that?” Fugaku asked. 

“You’re trying to ruin her again,” Sasuke replied angrily. “I told you, you asshole, that if you came around again it wouldn’t end well for you.” He snatched his cap from in his seat beside him and stood up. “I want to leave.”

“But, Sasuke—”

Sasuke felt his lip curling at the sound of his father speaking his name. “I wasn’t talking to you. Mom, can we leave? Please?”

“Now, listen boys. Can’t we try to work something out?” Fugaku said, in this voice that made it seem like Sasuke and Itachi were attacking _him_ and it was completely unfounded.

“No,” Itachi said simply. He stood, too. After throwing a few twenties on the table, he crossed his arms. “Mother, please.”

Mikoto cried as quietly as she could on the way back home, but Sasuke still heard her. She went straight to her room. Itachi helped Sasuke find a suitable vase for his flowers, and for a while they didn’t talk about it. Itachi was the first one to speak up.

“What _ever_ gets into her?” Itachi said as he snipped some troubling leaves off of some of the stems.

Sasuke shrugged angrily. “I don’t know. I told her, I _told_ her. Not even for herself. I didn’t fuckin’ want him there, because he can’t be trusted.” Sasuke swept the leaves from the counter into his hand so that he could throw them away. “I mean, I just thought she was doing better. We are all better off without him.”

“He is a toxin with no antidote,” Itachi replied.

“What d’you mean?” Sasuke’s eyebrows drew together.

“It’s painful for me to say, because I love her so dearly. But, despite all she says, she is still in love with him. Filth. Scum. Love is sickening for some.” Itachi shook his head. 

Sasuke threw away the discarded leaves. As he watched them flutter from his palm to the garbage, he thought about the events of the day and decided to tell the truth. “I saw Naruto, today.” His back was still turned to Itachi, because he didn’t want the disappointment on Itachi’s face to be directed at him.

“Did you. Where?” 

Sasuke could still hear it. “At my graduation,” he said. He finally turned to return to his seat at the table and took solace in the fact that he could hide his face in the flowers.

“And what did the boy have to say this time?” Itachi asked.

“He said the same thing he always says,” Sasuke said. In the end, that’s all it was. He had to be able to see through it and admit it to himself, even if he wanted so badly for Naruto to mean it. “Said that he loves me, wants me to change my mind.” Sasuke shook his head and then held it in his hands. “And I thought that maybe I was getting over him, because he wasn’t around. But seeing him today, I don’t know. I felt crazy. I wanted so bad to just forgive him and go back to the way it had been.”

“But did you?” Itachi asked. 

“…No?” 

“Then you are getting over him,” Itachi replied. “No matter how little the progress is,” he gave Sasuke stern eyes at this, “you’re beginning to journey. And I’m proud of you.” He ruffled Sasuke’s hair, and then stood and scooped up Dior. “I’m going off to bed, alright? Don’t stay up too late.”

“Why not? It’s not like I’ve got _school_ ,” Sasuke said with a grin. He went up to his room not too long after Itachi did, and he called Sakura. 

Sasuke was examining himself in his mirror while they chatted idly about the day and how hot it had been, and how long and boring the ceremony was. “I can’t believe people like Kakashi and Coach Gai sit through that shit every year,” he laughed. 

“How old do you think they are?” Sakura asked. 

Sasuke pulled at some bags underneath his eyes. “40 something, easily,” he said. 

“Really? They sure don’t look it,” Sakura said.

“Coach Gai exercises for a living, and Kakashi spends all his spare seconds with dogs. Both of those things are proven to give you eternal youth,” Sasuke said. He allowed his hands to drop and started fidgeting with them in front of himself. 

“What is it? You got quiet all of a sudden,” Sakura asked, concerned.

Sasuke sighed. He hated to have to keep telling this story. “I saw Naruto today,” he said in a low voice. 

“Naruto? Huh. I think I saw him, too.”

“No, no,” Sasuke shook his head. “He talked to me.”

“Oh.” Sakura paused. “What’d he say? Anything new?”

Sasuke _wished_. “No,” he said. “The same stuff. I knew that it was all words, or at least that’s how I felt, but…”

“But?”

“But I wanted to believe him so bad,” Sasuke admitted. “I wanted him to mean it, and for us to just forget about these last few months and— I don’t know. Whatever I wanted, it was dumb. But I told him that I wished him the best and I just. I walked away from him.”

Sakura made a satisfied sound. “That’s what you’re supposed to do.”

“It felt like I was being ripped limb from limb, Sakura. It was hard.”

“I’m sure it was. And, forgive me, because I’ve never been through something like this, but.” Sakura sighed. “It’s only going to get harder if you don’t put in the effort to get over him. It won’t be a spontaneous thing, and I’m positive he’s going to find other ways to reach out, so—”

Sasuke cut her off. “Yeah, yeah. It’s up to me to do it, I have to want to, blah blah.”

“I’m just trying to help you,” Sakura said. 

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I would say that I’m tired of hearing it, but people wouldn’t be telling me unless I needed to hear it,” Sasuke said. 

“Well, in your defense, you walked away from him. So there’s a start.” Sakura chuckled. “Literally, the first steps.”

Sasuke grumbled about how that was not funny. “I think I should get to bed,” Sasuke yawned. “You looked so pretty today. I was so proud of you.”

“Stop it, before I cry. You were very commanding, in your speech. I never thought you’d pull that off, let me tell you,” Sakura laughed. “Well, alright. Get some sleep, then, Sauce. You deserve it.”

“You too,” Sasuke said, and then he hung up. He went back to picking himself apart in the mirror despite what he’d just said about sleeping.

He didn’t feel any different, but nothing was the same. His life would never go back to the way that it had been, and he found himself alright with that. There would be things he missed about the past, but nothing could compare to Sasuke’s future. Itachi had seen it, Mikoto had seen it. And now it was time for Sasuke to live it. 

***

Sasuke yawned. “Can we go to sleep now?”

“You didn’t finish,” Naruto complained, even as his eyes were closed.

“Remembering that speech drained me,” Sasuke said. “D’you remember it?”

“Yeah, I remember that, hearing you say that,” Naruto yawned. “You didn’t know I was there. I think I cried.” His words were muffled by his thumb. Sasuke attempted to stop him, but to no avail. 

“You’re too old to be sucking your thumb,” Sasuke lectured. 

“So? Leave me be. You’re too old to still wear glasses and not have contacts,” Naruto retorted, but there was nothing behind it. His eyes were closing even as Sasuke was opening his mouth to say something back.

“And what do you mean, I didn’t finish? I told you the story of high school,” Sasuke said. “If that wasn’t the end, where does it end?”

Naruto shrugged. “Today,” he said. “When we got _married_.”

Sasuke snorted. When his eyes were closed, Sasuke examined Naruto’s face close. Lines that hadn’t been there in their youth. Naruto frowned a whole lot more now. Time had changed them both. Sasuke took his glasses off and laid them on the table next to their bed. He clicked the light off and laid so that he was facing the ceiling, only for Naruto to wrap around him so that they were back to front.

Sometimes, Sasuke still wondered about how life was when they were apart. He’d wondered a long time, really, but had always been too stubborn to ask. It shouldn’t matter, now, because this was forever. Sasuke felt Naruto’s breathing on his neck, and he sighed. He decided he’d ask Naruto about that tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i first would like to say thank you sincerely for all that have read, commented and given me kudos on this project. i know that there were parts that made you all happy, parts that made you sad and parts that made you angry. to me, that’s the mark of a good story. since beginning this, many things have happened in my life, both good and bad. no matter what was going on, i knew that i could count on you guys, my readers to lift my spirits. i have so loved working on this and hearing from you all, and i am pleased to say that i have plenty of ideas for part two. yes, part two haha. in the meantime, i’m going to continue working on school as well as writing. everyone, please stay safe. wash your hands, wear your masks, and inform yourselves. 
> 
> thank you all again for reading, and i’ll see you in part two. :))


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